


Devastation

by ITZtigress3



Series: Petals of Time [2]
Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Drama, F/M, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Light Angst, Non-Graphic Violence, Oral Sex, Other, Secrets, Sex, Tour Bus, Touring, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-09-10 20:02:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 50
Words: 185,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8937106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ITZtigress3/pseuds/ITZtigress3
Summary: They always say the first year is the hardest. With her friends against her, her life changing rapidly, can Gabby handle the ups and downs of the first year or will her past tear her apart?  Zac's convinced she's the best thing in his life, but no one else believes that. Is it worth his time to make this work? Can he bring forth the Gabriella that everyone seems to love?(a/n: The fan portrayal in this story is fiction, I am aware that a large portion of fans are super nice! No offense is meant to anyone)





	1. The Doctor

POV: Zac / Gabby

  

February 11, 2008 

I’d gotten up early, but I was due at the studio by 8 so we could begin to finalize the member’s kit before the tour began. I ate breakfast and got dressed for the day quietly because Gabby was still asleep. About 7:30 my mom knocked quietly and I let her in. 

“My you are up early.” 

“Taylor and Isaac will have issues if I am late today. She’s still asleep but her appointment is at 11:30 and she has her alarm set for nine. Are you sure you don’t mind taking her again?” 

Mom smiled and patted my shoulder. “No Zachary, I don’t mind taking her. We both understand you guys need to finish this EP so members get it on time and since you’re touring you can’t. Don’t worry about her Zac, I’ll make sure she makes it there on time and we’re doing lunch afterwards.” 

“Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

I grabbed my wallet and left, making it with just minutes to spare. They were both already here and replying to e-mails and posts in the office. Ike turned stunned when I walked in and sat down. 

“Damn, you’re on time.” 

“Bite me Ike.” 

“Grouchy, but on time.” He said. 

I sat down back in the chair. “You said be here by 8, I’m here. What’s the plan?” 

“Until ten we get these business calls, e-mails, and the such done, after that it’s the last bit of tracking and then finalize the art concept and plans.” Taylor said. 

“Goody.” 

They both stopped and looked at me. “You uh…okay this morning bro? You aren’t usually this grouchy this early. Everything okay with Gabriella? Surely, you two aren’t arguing.” 

“No, not arguing and everything’s fine.” 

They both turned to me and for several minutes neither of them said anything, what more did they want? I’d answered their questions! 

“Zac. Come on, you’re ill and grouchy a lot more than normal. What’s going on?” 

“Really guys, it’s nothing. It’s 8:15 in the morning and I’m tired.” 

“You know if you two slept at night instead of anything else…” Ike said. 

“We have been sleeping at night Isaac, that’s the problem!” 

“Does she just not want too?” Taylor asked. 

“Oh it’s not that, it’s the doctor didn’t clear her last month when she went in. In fact, he basically told her not to do anything at all. By that he meant, anything. The outer stitches are okay and they were healing very well, mostly closed as he removed the stitches. But he did a sonogram of the lower intestine and wanted her to remain on no activity for a while longer.” 

“By anything he meant basically no form of sex at all huh?” 

“Yeah. So pardon me if I am cranky.” 

Taylor giggled. “I’d rather you be cranky than be a dumbass and find someone else to solve that.” 

“I wouldn’t be that dumb. Jack and Andrew both have sworn if I screw up they are going to be there. But, it’s not really all the lack of sex either. Simon started calling again.” 

“Her ex?” Ike asked. 

“Yeah, he sent the first message after her appointment last month, asked if she was okay when she didn’t reply he went on to the I love you baby let’s get back together, when that failed it was sending her pictures of him naked.” 

“Ewe.” Taylor said. 

“I called him from her number and told him to stop, that she was my wife now and that she wasn’t interested in him. That did nothing, in fact he just got worse. There the same as before, there is nothing threatening so the police can’t do anything.” 

“Change her number.” Isaac said. 

“We don’t know how he even got the number. It’s not listed.” 

“Is she handling it okay though?” 

“She seems to be, just ignored his messages. Set him to silent so it doesn’t go off all day. Which most of the times she’s here anyway.” 

“She was working on some drawing the other day, refused to let me see it.” Ike said. 

I giggled. “I saw it later and take my word big bro, you don’t want to see it.” 

“What the hell did she draw?” Taylor asked. 

“Her favorite subject, which happens to be me. Although her preference is nude drawings apparently, so yeah it’s why she wouldn’t show you the drawing.” 

“Seriously?” Isaac asked. 

“Yeah. Although she has a really good one of you Tay when you were writing last week. She said she needed to perfect it before you saw it.” 

“I’m dressed right?” 

I looked at him. “Considering she hasn’t and better never see you nude, yeah you’re dressed.” 

“I saw some she’s really good.” 

“She’s been playing around with the graphic programs too, did some pretty unique backgrounds.” 

“Good. So, let’s get this done.” Taylor said. 

We all focused on replying to calls and Isaac was working on making sure the tour program was set, we were practicing for the tour also. At ten we went to the studio to finish the 2008 membership kit songs, which were coming along well. We took a short lunch about noon though, Taylor was complaining and since we were making great progress we all agreed. Isaac and Taylor left to go get burgers, probably from Fat Guys. I was just working on the CD design when I heard the door open. Tay and Ike hadn’t been gone long enough and no one else was due in today, so I got up to see. I was surprised to see Gabby coming down the hallway, my mom was closing the door. 

Gabby came straight to me and her arms went around me and her head buried into my chest. I didn’t question this just hugged her back, rubbed her back a bit and just held her, seems it’s what she wanted but I wondered if the doctor gave her bad news or something. I gave my mother a questioning look, because she looked worried too. 

“Gabriella? Baby is everything okay?” 

She nodded but didn’t say anything to me. Mom looked at me and just that look said something happened. 

“We were about to leave when her friend came by, Max I think is what she said. She answered and this guy just starts telling her what a whore she is, how she shouldn’t be stupid enough to believe your lies, and how she needed to come with him. He didn’t even give her time to reply before going off again. I moved her and gave him a piece of my mind. Nobody is calling my son a whore and they damn sure are not calling my daughter one.” 

“He doesn’t quite approve of us.” 

“What he approves of or does not approve of does not matter. You two approve of this relationship, that is all that matters. He has no right calling either of you names.” 

Gabby’s arms tightened and I kissed her forehead. Max really was grinding my nerves with this bullshit about us, my mom was right he had no right calling us names and he called her his friend, why would he constantly put her down? 

“Did you have lunch?” I asked. 

“No. We left the doctor’s and she wanted to come here. Are Taylor and Isaac here?” 

“They went to get lunch, call them and just add to what I gave them. They should still be there.” 

Mom called them and I told them what to add for her, Mom added her own order and then excused herself to the ladies room. Gabby hadn’t moved and I didn’t make any attempt to move her either. Just kept rubbing her back and placing kisses to her forehead. 

“You have an awesome mother.” She said. 

“Do I?” 

“I froze and she stepped in really quickly. I just…I didn’t know what to say.” 

“Baby you shouldn’t have to say anything at this point, he’s had time to adjust to this and by now he should know that both of us are committed to this relationship and this marriage. Even if he doesn’t agree with it, he needs to stop trying to tell you and I what to do and he needs to lay off the names too.” 

“He just won’t listen to me.” 

I hugged her again. “We can talk to him later. Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, she stepped in and told him he needed to back off and he needed to learn manners, I don’t think he knew she was even there.” 

“Probably not. Good thing she was, I don’t feel like beating up guys all the time.” 

“But you would.” 

“Oh, I would, totally. But for Max I shouldn’t have too. Really, knocking him out once should have done it.” 

“I know.” 

Mom came back up and Gabby moved away some, not very far though. 

“So, who is this Max person?” Mom asked. 

“He’s suppose to be my friend. But, he doesn’t approve of us I guess. I don’t see why he wouldn’t. He’s just been acting very stupid since the tour and especially when he found out about us. Which was when I was in the hospital.” 

“I doubt I helped by stepping in so much.” I said. 

“Honey you were worried about her condition, you did what was best in my opinion.” 

“Didn’t help that my brother banned him.” 

“Well, he probably deserved it. But he shouldn’t be talking to you that way. But, let’s not dwell on that I heard my older son’s coming with food!” 

We giggled and sure enough they were there, had that much time elapsed?! We used the meeting room to eat lunch and I was glad she was eating well still. But I noted the number of times her phone’s light blinked, indicating the messages and since there was no sound it was Simon. 

“Are you hanging out with us?” Taylor asked. 

“Yeah, your mom has to get your dad. She was bringing me here anyway, just sooner.” 

When we finished eating her and Mom sat here another hour before Mom left and then she was in the studio with us, she’d been quite good at photos and videos and even advice when we asked or when it was clear a knock down and drag out was fast approaching. Today though she was just sitting there staring at her phone. 

**-Gabby-**

His mom stepping in was so new, I wasn’t use to people standing up for me like that. She’d just gently moved me and laid into Max like only a mother could. I think what shocked me more was she’d called me her daughter. Max had been left stunned and we’d went to the doctor but then as I was waiting he’d sent me a text message. Same words and I’d ignored it, eventually adding him too the same list as Simon because they were all the same, telling me what a whore he was and I was and just on and on. They were doing some dub tracking and overlays, so I was letting their voices be a calming zen to me. Yet the phone buzzed on my leg. 

**_Are you seriously going to fucking ignore me now?_ **

I stared at it before I hit reply. _What exactly do you want me to say Maxwell? That I’m leaving him and coming there?_

**_Exactly. It’s what you know you should do! He’s not good for you._ **

_Exactly HOW is he not good for me? Give me reasons that are NOT associated with his PAST Maxwell. He’s taken care of me, he’s made sure I didn’t do anything that caused me to get an infection or pull a stitch out, unlike you who HIT me._

**_His past is my reason Gabriella. He won’t change and you know that. You think he’s been faithful now?_ **

_I do, because I know where he is. I’m watching him right now._

**_You aren’t always there!!!! You have smarts, you have brains, why are you just choosing this stupid path?_ **

I glanced up at Zac and he smiled. 

_I’m not choosing a stupid path Maxwell. He doesn’t hit me, he doesn’t tell me I am stupid or an idiot. He took care of me when I came home from the hospital, he’s not asked for or required me to do anything. I don’t know what your reason is for being this way now. But, you need to get over it._

I glanced up and watched Zac just move, they were almost done. I’d come to find comfort in his arms and presence. Come to find that Taylor and Isaac were cool dudes to be around, his parents who were mad at him for the way we got married had warmed so much. However, I was still adjusting to having any kind of parents that truly cared. I still at times felt weird around their father, but I know he’d never hurt me. The buzzing brought me out and I checked. 

**_You are choosing a stupid path. Your choosing to stay with someone you barely know. You chose to remain married to him, despite not knowing him well. I warned you how he is, a few months won’t tell you if he he’ll STAY faithful Gabriella. I care about you, I want what is truly best for you. Zac is not that._ **

_If you want what is best for me, then you’ll let us be. I promise if he hurts me, if he does exactly what you’re saying, if he is as bad as you keep telling me, then I won’t come crying to you. I won’t go to Abigail. I won’t come crying to you like I did with Simon._

**_You can avoid that if you’ll LISTEN to me!!!!_ **

I sighed and all three of them looked at me. 

“What?” 

“You sighed, heavily. Everything okay?” Isaac asked. 

“Yeah, I’m okay. You three doing okay?” 

“Almost done.” Taylor said. 

Zac smiled at me, I knew he was wondering what the doctor said but I had plans for him. They returned and after a few last moments they vanished into the booth to finish whatever it was they did. It was weird for me to see this EP from the start. I sighed again and looked at the phone. 

_I’m sorry Maxwell. You walked away when I really needed you, you should have known I did, but you didn’t care to ask because you were too busy having sex with Abby. I am happy with him. I feel happy with him. I’m not asking you to like it or even accept it. I’m simply asking that you be happy for me. I’m not going to keep discussing this. I am staying with Zac. I’m not filing, I’m not leaving. I am staying. Be happy or just deal with it._

I got up and went to the bathroom and then laid on the sofa there until Zac said it was time to go, which was like 7. Max hadn’t replied since the last message and I’d only fended Simon’s by ignoring them. We got dinner on the way home and he waited until we got home. 

“What did the doctor say?” 

“He told me everything looked fine, he was happy with the sonogram results and basically cleared me to do whatever, he did say to avoid heavy stuff for the arm a bit longer because while it looked healed he wants to make sure it gets stronger before I try anything.” 

I swear his eyes lit up but I kissed his cheek. 

“You have to be up early two more days before you can sleep in. You don’t need to be sleep deprived.” 

“I think they’d prefer that.” 

“You’ve been very patient for two months, I’m sure two days won’t hurt. Promise, Thursday if you just want to stay naked in bed all damn day I’ll be fine with that.” 

He sighed. “I’m holding you to that. I assume Max texted you instead of calling?” 

“Yeah, but I told him he needed to be happy for me or he just needed to deal with it. It’s been months and he’s not telling me anything new. He has no real reason so he needs to just deal.” 

He frowned at me, not something I liked and I kind of knew why. 

“I’m fully aware that it could mean the end of that friendship forever but I can’t keep just having the same conversation with him. They’re exactly the same. He tells me how much of a whore you are and how you’ll never change and how stupid I am. He had his chance and he chose Abigail, so he can’t be mad that I moved on.” 

“I understand that but he is your friend and I feel like he’s pulling away because of me.” 

“Maybe, but you tried Zac. You let him come back at the hospital, despite how you felt about him. You tried to get along but seriously he hit me and that was enough. His opinion on you doesn’t matter because you don’t hit me.” 

“I never will. I think my mother would murder me if I did. She really has taken a liking to you.” 

“I’m still adjusting but she’s awesome.” 

“You’re not afraid of Dad are you? She mentioned to Isaac that you seemed afraid to be around him, she wondered if he did something.” 

“I’m not afraid of him but Dad figures in my life have never been good. They’ve always been bad. Mr. Pines and his spider. Jacob. I’m not afraid of him I just need to get my brain to accept that your father is as awesome as your mother.” 

He hugged me. “They may not love you as much as I do yet, but believe me they’re getting to that point.” 

“Glad to know.” 

“Sure I need sleep tonight?” 

“Positive.” 

He frowned again but I could tell he was tired because he’d been yawning all afternoon. He opted to go ahead and shower and knowing it would be too much temptation I waited until he was done before I showered, we watched a little TV before heading to bed.


	2. My Turn

POV: Zac / Gabby

A/N: Sex. m/f.

 

February 14, 2008 – Valentines – 3 am 

She had said Thursday. It was Thursday and I’d probably still be asleep but that very vivid dream of her naked had woke me up. We we’re not due at the studio or anywhere else today, so waking her up wouldn’t be a bad thing. I got prepared with getting the condom from beside the bed, ones I’d bought last month in hopes and couldn’t use! Gabriella had come to bed in just a gown and a pair of the new lace boy shorts I had bought for her. Turning back to her put her back against my chest almost, which I just slid forward up against her. I let my right hand move slowly over her side and onto her abdomen, which causes a slight stir but I knew it would take more to wake her up. I aimed for her neck, but had to settled for her shoulder, it took time to wake her up. 

“Seriously Zac? It’s what…3..4?” 

“It’s between.” I whispered. 

Yet I slid my right hand right under the waistband and down into those new panties, finding that she was actually wet. 

“What were you dreaming of?” 

“Should be obvious, you.” 

I let my entire hand do the rubbing, occasionally allowing a finger to slip through and place direct contact to the clit, which seemed to be working very well. So, when she moved my hand roughly I wondered why, until she moved to her back and then those pretty lace underwear was being flung off the side of the bed, followed shortly by the shirt and I took the notion to get rid of the boxer briefs I’d worn to bed. She however had turned to face me. I pulled her leg up over my hips and after just a bit of adjusting got my hand where I wanted it, inside her. Two fingers to stretch her so I wouldn’t hurt her, but fuck it was hard to be patient. 

I felt her hand moving and then her fingers were firmly wrapped around the shaft and I moaned into her ear, fuck a month was too long, let along more than that! 

“Seems you don’t need me to do much.” 

“Dreams of you woke me up.” 

Her hand slid up the entire length and I just laid my head down, kept my fingers moving. I felt her lips on my neck and face, but the hand moving up and down was driving me insane. I wasn’t even sure how she knew where the condom was, but she was Houdini at getting them on without me knowing. Sliding into her felt just as good this time and it had months ago, maybe even better. The heat and warmth that surrounded me was impossible to ignore. Like the first time we were this way I pulled her to me, that was until she moved me onto my back, fuck that was a better view. She knew exactly what movements to make to drive me right over the edge. Her orgasms always done it for me, the way she’d tighten around me felt just right. Afterwards she still had enough sense to dispose of the condom, I rarely did with her, and she literally was the only female I trusted with that. She then came back and curled up with me. 

“So bad to not wait.” 

“Wait? It’s Thursday. You said Thursday.” 

“I did. See, I should have been very specific.” 

I kissed her. “I love you, anytime is good.” 

“I love you, you should have waited I was going to try all kinds of toys today. Boo, you ruined that.” 

I smiled and kissed her, the reminder set my brain off into bad directions, but I settled with falling back asleep again. I woke up sometime after the sun rose smelling bacon and found she was fixing breakfast in nothing but that t-shirt, I knew there was nothing else because I didn’t see anything else. 

“That’s...tempting.” 

She turned and smiled. “Tempting is good but I know you’ll want food first.” 

A moment later she was sitting a plate down in front of me and she also sat one down for her, we ate quietly there at the bar. 

“You seriously going to keep me in bed all day long?” 

I smiled. “That’s tempting, best place I can think of really. But, no, as tempting as it is I’d really like for us both to be able to move tomorrow.” 

She leaned over and kissed my cheek. “Being in the bed would be the best place.” 

“You are aware that it doesn’t have to be a bedroom, right?” 

“I do.” 

“Seriously though, I know that’s a bit of a stretch.” 

She sighed. “You’re no fun.” 

After breakfast I cleaned up some and then we got a movie, but as she laid curled up beside me the idea of beds returned. She had bought the set for Christmas for me and she had said I could use them on her. We put the straps on the bed, but we hadn’t used it. But what could I do to her once I had her down? Surely she trusted me but the worse thing would be to actually hurt her. I got lost in thought but heard her phone and felt when she got up. 

“Hey buttercup, Taylor said to and I quote, answer your damn phone.” 

I looked over at it and found it to be blinking, damn he’s called a few times and I hadn’t even heard it. So, I called him back. 

“Carrick called dude, Mikey left the band.” 

“Are you kidding me?” 

“Nope. He said he wanted to warn us but they’ll have a new drummer for the tour and they’ll meet us there. Dude, where the hell were you?” 

“It’s Valentines Tay.” 

“It’s what?” he asked. 

“Today is Valentine’s day, it’s why Ike said he didn’t care he wasn’t coming in. Nicole is off and they had plans.” 

“Stop kidding Zac.” 

“Not kidding Tay. If you didn’t plan something, you best get to planning quickly.” 

I then hung-up and she giggled. “He forgot?” 

“Completely.” 

“I guess it’s good that I made them reservations already. Suppose I should have told him.” 

“You did?” 

“Stella was looking forward to eating at that Italian place, reservations only today. I made them last week when he said something about working today anyway. To which you and Isaac told him hell no.” 

“Oh, Taylor will owe you.” 

“Yep, that was the whole idea.” 

She called him and informed him of their reservations. He however was on his own for flowers and candy. She then resumed her spot on the sofa to finish the movie. 

“We didn’t have reservations today did we?” She asked. 

“Scared I forgot?” 

“Not really, doesn’t bother me either way.” 

“We have 7 pm reservations at the same Italian place.” 

She looked perplexed but smiled. “Nice. You didn’t plan any flower deliveries did you?” 

“You want them? I’m sure I can find someone to deliver them.” 

“No, I’m fine.” 

“Although let’s face it you’re no more interested in the movie than I am.” 

“Sure about that?” 

“If you were you’d be watching it, you’re not.” 

She turned and practically crawled up into my lap, I ran my tongue over my bottom lip. 

“If I’m not watching the movie, playing games, or drawing then what exactly do you want me to be doing?” 

I let my eyes wonder over her face, down the top of her shirt and back up. She said she’d let me, we’ll see if she meant it. 

“I think what you need to be doing is laying in the middle of the bed.” 

“Just laying there doesn’t sound like fun.” 

“Didn’t say you’d just be just laying there.” 

Her eyes travel from my eyes to my lips. “Then what would I be doing?” 

I smirked a bit. “Believe me you won’t be bored, won’t be able to get up either.” 

I swear her eyes darkened and they just clouded over with pure lust and excitement. Was that something she truly did like?! 

“That a promise?” 

“If I could get up you’d know.” 

She was up quickly and headed to the bedroom, the shirt she had on landed on the chair at the kitchen counter. I blinked from the sofa. 

“I know you’re not still on the sofa.” 

I scrambled to get up and by the time I made it to the bedroom she was already sitting in the center of the bed. 

“Why do I get the feeling that you rather like being tied down?” 

“You sound surprised.” 

“Not surprised, but not use to someone being this eager to be tied down and left at my mercy.” 

“You didn’t seem to mind it.” 

I paused at the foot of the bed. “No, I didn’t.” 

I went to the closet and got the box, the straps were on the bed but the cuffs weren’t, when I picked it up I saw the box for the butterfly that I’d bought before. Yeah, I couldn’t resist getting it and putting it in the box. I sat the box out of her view on the floor. I started with the head of the bed and I didn’t even have to ask her to lay back, she tossed the pillows off the bed and presented each wrist easily. Yet, I placed the feet in the center of the foot of the bed. 

“Strange place for my feet Zac.” 

“I can move them when I want.” 

I tightened it up a bit and for a moment watched her test them, finding she couldn’t quite move well. I picked up the blindfold and moved around the bed, not wanting her to know what to expect at all. She just smiled as I leaned over and placed the soft fabric around her head. Taking away her ability to see what I was going to do. 

Yet, what _was_ I going to do?! No one had allowed me to do this and she was eager and so willing! The first thing I did was admire what I had done. The way she wiggled in the cuffs, but seemed to relax. I looked in the box. I wasn’t sure about the paddle, I was sure that needed to be reserved for the rear end only, so I picked up the flogger. As I walked back around I let the little leather ends just slide up her legs, I wasn’t practiced with these so I didn’t want to hurt her, I watched as just the little tips caused her to inhale deeper. I let them slide up her abdomen, over each breast, watched as the nipples hardened and her breathing hitched a bit. 

I moved it back down, but to test how it felt I hit myself with it first, when the ends made contact with my skin she flinched and then looked confused. 

“Honey, you’re not suppose to hit yourself with it.” 

I brought it down much lighter against her thigh. 

“I know that, but I didn’t want to hurt you too much.” 

There were no marks, so I repeated it, gently up and even across the breast, which I made those even lighter and the moan that escaped me wonder if she truly _did_ love this. After covering both sides well I paused, going to the kitchen for some extra toys. I turned the hot water on and let it get hot while I got a bowl of ice cubes. I then returned to the bedroom where she looked a little calmer. I sat the ice down beside the bed but dipped my fingers into the hot water, hot but not too bad. I then held my hands over her abdomen, letting the water drip off my finger. She inhaled sharply as the water hit her skin. Oh yeah, this would be fun. 

**-Gabby-**

The flogger had felt nice, anticipation increased until I felt something hot land on my abdomen, I was sure he didn’t have candles, but as the sensations came up my body I just closed my eyes and let the warmth send little tiny pulses through my skin. I felt the bed shift as he straddled me, which explained the reason for him putting my legs in the center. He leaned down and kissed me but his lips felt cooler than normal. 

“So much I want to do…” he whispered. 

“Nothing is stopping you.” I replied. 

The hot sensation occurred again around my shoulders, water slid down and as it did it cooled some, his fingertips ran across my collarbone and around my neck, another trail came from the other side and down the center of my chest. I anticipated more warmth but the water than landed on my abdomen was cold as hell and I arched my back. Then warm water trailed under that to my navel, which meant the ice cube that landed just at my navel felt so much colder. 

“Sure you’ve…never done this before?” 

“Positive.” 

The ice cube moved slightly to the right and then the left, before warm air circled my abdomen. I could almost feel blood pulsing to my groin, never had that feeling before. He moved and continued the warm/cold play, trailing down my legs but he avoided all the good spots! I felt him loosen the straps and then he was moving my feet, but then it was quiet. I didn’t hear him breathing or moving, all I could hear was the steady thumping of my heartbeat. 

I was about to call his name when the ice cold water land on the left nipple. 

“Fuck..” 

I was pretty sure he’d smiled at that but the warm air circled and felt like curled around the very spot, before there was more water and then his tongue was washing over the area, licking up the water. Not to be forgotten there was ice cold water added to the right nipple and the same action replaced. 

“I really think you’ve done this before.” 

His fingers rolled the nipple between them, but his fingers were super cold and I just gave up, that sensation felt so fucking good. I could feel the heat travel through my body and felt like it settled right on the groin. The more he applied the ice, let his warm tongue slide over the hardened nipple the more I just melted, I’d never felt like melting not even with Newton and he was experienced with candle wax. The cube of ice that slid down my abdomen caused me to arch again and I think, maybe that moan was intentional. 

The cube left my body before reaching too far but then it landed on my thigh, I couldn’t move my feet to get away not that I really wanted too, fuck I wanted a lot more. The ice moves inward and then over to the other side, before warm air was much closer to where I wanted. It was just his hand laying over at first and his hand was very cold, which was followed by warm air. 

I felt his hand slid under my thighs which felt weird, the coldness of them both against the back of my warm leg sent chills down my spine. I didn’t quite get why he’d do that, but a moment after he withdrew them a super cold finger circled the clit and I inhaled sharply. 

“Mother fuck.” 

That felt totally fucking different and sent a wave of pleasure through every part of me. The coldness remained for several moments as he just went in circles. I wished I could see him, touch him, throw him down and fuck him. The first time I felt the wetness of his tongue I came off the bed and that was totally an intentional moan of his name, what should have been warm was colder, that was totally new and that felt fucking great. 

I tried to move to grab his hair or something but the cuffs stopped me, I could only let him continue to move his tongue in circles, or flat over the clit. I could just moan and call his name. The first finger that slid in easily was super cold as well, another off the bed movement, he kept the one moving steadily for what felt like forever. 

“Don’t stop, that feels great.” 

It was really, I could feel that build up but then he did stop. I felt something tighten around my thigh, it was thin and he had to have adjusted something because it was super tight then more comfortable. 

“What are you doing?” 

I felt his lips press against my thigh. “Blowing your mind.” 

The other side did the same and I could feel something being placed against me, the latex feeling said he’d opened the box, the evil toy he thinks I needed. 

“You won’t achieve that with some piece of plastic.” 

I heard him giggle. “Don’t be so certain of that.” 

That confused me but I felt his fingers sliding back into me, cold and that was worth it, I could feel his tongue too and that was working to bring me back up pretty good. As he inserted the second finger I felt the very soft vibrations start, they were mild and felt like there was thick material between the bullet and me. 

I really wanted to say I hated the way it felt, but it felt really good. Combined with his fingers there was no denying the moans were of pleasure and nothing else. I didn’t even detect the increases in the vibrations, just the way his fingers moved in and out of me, I was pulling at the straps but not badly. I didn’t detect he’d moved until I felt his tongue glide over the nipple. 

“Oh, god.” 

The little tingling feeling was building again, I barely detected the speed increase but the tingling was spreading and I had to give him credit that really was a orgasm that blew my mind. Not being able to stop either his hand or the vibrations I wiggled and moved, as his fingers curled against the right spot. I went to raise my leg, knowing it wasn’t coming far but the vibrator got really strong and that done it. I had tried to be quieter but that scream wouldn’t be contained and because he wasn’t quite fast enough to move the vibrator, the second or was it the third really did make my head feel rather fuzzy. 

I felt his lips against mine briefly. “Let me clean up and you can just relax.” 

I didn’t bother to answer, just laid there. I knew he removed the straps and I heard the water in the bathroom running, the fuzzy feeling was beginning to wear off some. I felt him lay down beside me, but he hadn’t undone any of the cuffs, yet I could feel him against my thigh. 

“Told you I’d blow your mind.” 

I pulled at the cuff and he giggled, pulled the blindfold off slowly, so I didn’t get blinded but the room wasn’t as bright anymore anyway. 

“You could do more.” 

“There is after dinner.” 

Again I tugged at the rope and again he giggled, but this time he did get up and undo them before laying back down. 

“You sure you don’t want more?” 

He kissed me, pulled me close and I could still feel the semi-hard erection. “I’ll be fine until after dinner.” 

Couldn’t argue, because this space beside him was comfortable and warm and before long I was asleep. He woke me up sometime later with kisses to my face and neck. 

“Time to shower so we can get to our reservations on time.” 

“Do I have to?” 

“Unless you want me to carry you into the shower, yes.” 

“Tempting.” 

It took me a few minutes to get woken up and then motivated to get up and get ready. Hot shower, clean clothes and then we headed to the reservations, making it early. But, as we were sitting there for dinner the flower delivery guy brought the dozen red roses to the table and I just wanted to hide but he just smiled. It really was a perfect Valentine’s day, one that I would never forget. He totally kept his word too because I don’t think sleep was a subject until very late in the night. While being woken up to great sex was good, the after dinner round was better because it lasted longer, wasn’t as rushed or as quick. 


	3. The Talk

POV: Gabby

  

February 20, 2008 

I was presently at the studio waiting on Zac’s mom to pick me up. We were going to lunch together and then just hanging out because they really needed to buckle down and this way he could stay as long as they needed to get what has to be done. Zac and Isaac were here but Taylor was on his way in as well. I asked Isaac to give me a subject for a drawing, I’d given him no limits and rather expected a person but he gave me classic guitars. It really would be something different and something I needed that laptop for too, because I wasn’t very familiar with classic guitars. It’s what I was doing when Taylor came in and dropped a duffle bag beside me. 

“So, in repacking my suitcases I came across this one and it’s not mine. It’s got your books and stuff in it.” 

“I seriously wondered what I did with it.” 

“My theory is when we were dropped off and you were upset with Zac you left one and I grabbed it thinking it was mine.” 

“That is totally possible, thanks.” 

He nodded. “Mom is almost here too, I passed her.” 

“Okay.” 

He headed down to the studio and I did a final check on my new e-mail, which really no one had, but there was a new message and when I opened it I just sighed. The e-mail was from Simon and he’d included a picture of me, really nice one that he had taken. Asked if I remembered that day. Sure I did, the day he cut my hair off, it was the last picture I had taken with very long hair. I didn’t bother to reply, but I did save the picture. 

“Gabriella?” She asked. 

I turned and smiled. “Hey Diana. They’re already in the studio but I don’t think Ike or Zac would mind a distraction for a moment.” 

“Not from me. I’m going to run down and say hi and then we can head out.” 

“Perfect, gives me time to close this down.” 

She smiled and headed down the hallway and I shut things down and put things away. I brought my tablet with me when we left though, because I didn’t know what would happen at the house. Last time she’d caught up on shows and I’d been bored. She chose to do Caz’s just below the studio which was perfect because I loved the food. Lunch was very nice and we kept conversations on current plans for her and Walker. 

After lunch was done she headed to the grocery store where she was stocking up, there was a big dinner Saturday because we flew out Sunday. I was going to spend Friday repacking mine and Zac’s suitcases and I didn’t care if I was there alone or not, but I was certain that someone would be there. There wasn’t much talking while we shopped, she was focused on her list of needed items and I didn’t want to cause her to lose focus. Once we were at the house I helped bring everything in and set the bags in the kitchen. I was familiar with where things went now. 

“Want to help me prep some stuff?” 

“Sure.” 

She gathered a bunch of vegetables and got boards and knives and we sat at the table. She washed some things first but most would be washed afterwards. For about fifteen minutes it was quiet as I peeled carrots. 

“Zac told me you were adopted when you were six. Did you ever know your parents?” 

I paused, not expecting that question now or ever really. 

“Shawn and I were taken right after my first birthday, I don’t remember our parents at all.” 

“Did you ever want too?” 

“Not really, Shawn found them two years ago and he said they barely remembered either of us. They were more worried about the drugs and the parties than us.” 

She looked at me and frowned. “That is just, I could never imagine myself not caring about ours. Isaac and Taylor were kind of planned pregnancies, we knew we were trying. Zac was a surprise, completely out of nowhere. Ironically, I was taking birth control then but had a round of antibiotics and got pregnant. Not that we were less happy with him.” 

I peeled another carrot. “Zac told me about the miscarriages and the little girl.” 

“I figured he would, they were pretty devastated with losing her too. We named her Elizabeth Rose, it was hard.” 

“I can’t imagine. Did you consider adoption?” 

“We did and we still discuss it. You don’t really talk about anything that occurred in your past. Do you just not feel comfortable with it?” 

I finished the last two carrots and then moved to removing the top and bottom. 

“I don’t really remember the first few, I was just too young. I remember the Pines, they were on a large area of land and had animals.” 

“That sound nice.” 

“Not really, Mr. Pines liked to scare me and when he realized that spiders weren’t something I really liked, he exploited that. Tarantulas, he’d throw them in my lap after telling me that they were very dangerous and would kill me, um Zac saw the outcome of that. Mikey put one in my lap and I passed out, head cracked the floor.” 

“Oh my, that is not good. Did you have pleasant times there?” 

“I don’t remember any, they actually split Shawn and I up and I just didn’t handle that well. I was removed and sent to the Darlings but we were only there a month.” 

“Why?” 

“Shawn wasn’t really liking my ability to adapt so quickly, but I was adapting because he was there. He had a temper and they sent us back. After my 6 th birthday the Frost adopted us officially, they didn’t foster or want much time they met us and took us home. They changed our names and I remember Shawn not liking that at all.” 

“He was a lot older so I can understand. Surely they were better.” 

“For a while, yeah. I called Julian Mom a lot she basically is the only one I ever had but I spent more time with Jacob than her because she worked and he stayed home.” 

She paused her cutting of the celery and looked at me. “Doesn’t sound like you liked being around him.” 

Logically I knew that eventually they’d find out about everything. 

“I was happy for a bit but he um…” 

She paused and just the soft look on her face, the understanding in her eyes. 

“I was eight when he started molesting me, it wasn’t like a instant jump to worse and most of it was just hands, least until after I was fourteen. Julian was often gone and he was there. Shawn knew but he just didn’t believe me. When he left I was 12 and it just, Jacob never was a great dad.” 

She was quiet. “I didn’t expect that reason at all but it does explain some things.” 

“Zac asked if his dad did anything and he didn’t, Walker had been awesome and it’s nothing against him. It’s me. It’s always me.” 

“Honey it’s understandable, I mean look at your male role models. One of them intentionally scared you at a very young age and then this Jacob man. That is not how a father acts, especially not with girls. He should have been protecting you.” 

“He didn’t. Never told me anything about life, nothing about just handling guys either. I was fourteen and I thought sex was completely normal at that age. It’s why I asked Max then.” 

Her cheeks blushed some, sex was a completely new topic for us. Not something we ever discussed or talked about, yet I would never mention sex with Zac to her because that was her son and she probably didn’t want to know and Zac certainly didn’t want her to know. 

“You asked him?” 

“Yes. Just before my birthday actually. I think my thought process there was just wanting someone I trusted, someone that wasn’t Jacob or anyone he knew. Max was someone I knew well, someone that I knew had experience in that area and I just asked. I asked for once and it kept happening over two years.” 

“Wow, you two must have been serious then.” 

I picked up the green beans and began to snap the ends off. 

“For me it was, I mean he came to me after that and I thought maybe it was more but it wasn’t. He never saw me as more than a friend and a friend with benefits. It was explosive when he left, there was a big argument and he just walked away. Left me there with Jacob, he’d moved into the rape part of that by then, had been for months when he saw us. Basically told me I didn’t have a reason to reject him anymore.” 

“You always have a reason Gabriella.” 

“When Max left I went a little crazy. Not really proud of that time period. Newton felt right and he cheated on me and after him it was just whoever.” 

Her hands got mine and she smiled. “You were trying to fill the void left behind when Shawn left and Max. At least you acknowledge that it’s not something you want to repeat.” 

“No, I definitely don’t want to repeat those times. Simon was probably the worst one, he was very abusive and controlling. I left him in March of last year, went to Max. He was supportive and even got me the job with Hanson and then he just became this jealous person about Zac.” 

“Is it possible he still loves you?” 

“No. He’s dating my friend Abigail. They both feel like Zac and I are just wrong, like Zac can’t change.” 

“According to Taylor and Isaac you changed him quite a bit, at least with his rather open sexual side.” 

I blinked at her. “I didn’t think you…” 

“His aunt follows their twitter and saw several rather bad tweets. Granted they were, well, I am sure you saw them as well.” 

“Yeah, I did. I know which ones you’re referring too.” 

Oh god, how embarrassed had Zac been when they brought those up?! 

“Anyway, we saw the signs but we were hoping Taylor and Isaac would stop him, same path they took and it was the pregnancy scare with Taylor that seemed to stop them. We were hoping it would Zac too, apparently he just needed to find the right person.” 

I felt the rush of heat in my face and she smiled. 

“Walker was rather worried as well, we figured the reason was pregnancy but it’s not.” 

“We haven’t talked about that and I think we both wanted to wait a while, I think the marriage not only scared the two of you and everyone else, us included. I mean we were freaked out when we got up and realized that it wasn’t a joke. I think he was a little more because it was my idea and I didn’t realize that Vegas chapels were all legit.” 

“He never mentioned that.” 

“He said that while I suggested it, he went along with it too. I see it as mostly my fault and he sees it more as our fault in a joint sense. Either way we were terrified and he was so afraid of you being upset because you weren’t there.” 

She frowned some. “I was very upset, yes. I was upset when he told me he wasn’t asking Priscilla, but when he explained what happened, I understood. I couldn’t blame him and I just assumed that I’d get that chance with the next one. Hearing that he’d gotten married and it was some place in Vegas was upsetting. I know that the two of you can re-do vows or have a formal wedding, but at the time I didn’t know you, I didn’t have a clue what was going on.” 

“He was upset that you both were.” 

She nodded. “I imagine I was rather harsh on him, I just saw this as a huge mistake. But after speaking to our older two sons and getting their opinions, they said we should see how he is with you. I have to admit that while he pretty much tossed you to the wolves on Christmas, he really did seem happy to be with you. It shows he was serious with purchasing rings.” 

“He did a good job with them.” 

“I do wish I was there, I do wish that I had those moments. I am aware that there may not be a formal ceremony, but I’m okay with that because I have a wonderful daughter now and one that loves him, one that treats him like he should be treated. I can see it in the actions, behavior, and words you speak to him. I can’t ask for anyone better Gabriella.” 

She was going to make me cry, damnit! 

“I’ve oddly never had a mother than I really wanted to be around. I just wish I felt the same way around Walker because I feel like I’m just pushing him away.” 

“Don’t feel that way Gabby. Zac told him that you hadn’t been around a lot of men that were nice and that didn’t hurt you. He didn’t tell us about Jacob or any specific reason, but we suspected it was probably some form of abuse.” 

“I guess my experience with men is pretty crappy. Logically I know he won’t ever hurt me, it’s just getting my brain to accept that.” 

“I understand. He does too.” 

It grew quiet as we both delved into snapping, peeling, chopping, and storing the items and of course actually fixing the dinner for tonight as well. Walker got home at five and they were so sweet with one another. 

“Did Zac ship you off again?” he asked. 

“He did. They’ll be there late and he doesn’t want me there alone yet.” 

“We don’t mind having you here with us.” 

I smiled. “I sure hope not.” 

We were both sitting at the table and Diana was washing up the few pans she had dirty, she often washed as she went. 

“I’m not afraid of you.” 

It was random but he looked surprised. “I would hope not.” 

“Walker, honey I mentioned something to Isaac.” She said. 

“Oh… I didn’t think you were afraid of me. Have I scared you?” 

“No. I just don’t have very good father role models.” 

I took a moment to fill him in as well, leaving out my part with Max and focusing more on the relationships with the father’s that I had. I was quite shocked that he got mad at how they acted and how they treated me as not even a daughter but a human. 

“You don’t ever have to worry about that. I don’t believe in hitting women and I taught all of my boys the same thing. I have no problem spanking their asses now for doing some stupid shit like that. It’s a shame that so many foster parents are just bad.” 

“Ironically, Zac has never even given me the impression that he would ever do that.” 

In fact, his use of the flogger was so light that I didn’t even have marks afterwards, Newton had left marks that lasted for hours but I was fine with that in some cases, but I knew that Walker’s term for abuse was exactly what Simon had done. I still would never mention what we do to his parents though, I didn’t see the flogger as abuse but they may not understand that. 

“Zac was taught not too, something every boy should be taught.” Diana said. 

“I do understand your feeling toward father type figures. Just know that I’m not them and I never will be. I respect women because my parents taught me too, all those things they did were uncalled for, unnecessary and in most cases just wrong. It’s good that he’s in jail and can’t hurt anyone else, but he should have gone before they ever got you. You are just too awesome for those assholes.” 

I felt the slight blush that time. I seriously wasn’t use to this being called awesome and shit! 

“I never really felt that way, most the time I felt like I was where I needed to be or where I was supposed to be.” 

“Do you feel you are suppose to be with Zac?” he asked. 

I took a moment to think about that. “Yeah, I do. We’ve brought about changes in each other that are positive. I wouldn’t have drawn anything for Shawn without him and I am sure you know the change he made.” 

“Yes. I am aware that he’s given up the hook ups. I seriously wish we had planned for that better, we didn’t expect Isaac to be that way and then Taylor followed. We hoped Zac wouldn’t but I guess after Priscilla we should have expected it. He loved her very much and she just didn’t.” 

“I’ve met her a few times, saw that after Vegas kiss, which was mostly her because she knew we were together. I’m just glad she hasn’t tried anything since. She may during the tour as that’s where I saw her.” 

“She seemed like the perfect girl but she wasn’t, I’m just glad that Zachary caught her before asking and definitely before the wedding.” Diana said. 

“I agree there.” Walker said. 

I didn’t mention more and let the conversation die out to just talk of the dinner Saturday. The three of us ate about 6 but she left everything out knowing Zac would be starving when he arrived. We then settled in for a movie, something I’d wanted to watch so it was nice. Zac showed up at 9:45, they were getting ready for bed and I was getting tired. He fixed a plate because he was starving though, I then put everything up. They went to bed about 10:15. 

“Get anything done?” 

“A lot, but we’ll be there long hours tomorrow too, I’m due in at 7.” 

“Why don’t we just stay here? We can bounce by the house to change in the morning.” 

“But then I can’t be all sexy here.” 

I kissed him. “You won’t be at home either, baby it’s late and you’re talking less than eight hours.” 

He frowned and I kissed him, let him finish dinner and we did take the guest bedroom here. He was comfortable in just his underwear but I stuck to leaving my shirt on and after some mild nagging I lost the pants, but while he considered frisky, he was asleep just minutes after laying down and I wasn’t far behind.


	4. The Disk

POV: Gabby

  

February 22, 2008 

I was wondering if these very late nights and early mornings were normal for them, we’d gotten home last night at 10 and it was just 8 and we were already at the studio and had been since 7. The three of them were wide awake and arguing over what songs to really include or exclude. I’d heard this exact same conversation yesterday for four hours. I logged into my e-mail and found three more from Simon, three more pictures from back then. He hardly included words, usually just “pic” in the subject line and a picture. I was shocked that some of them were of me during those lost years. 

“Earth to Gabby, come in Gabby.” Ike said. 

I glanced up over the top of the screen. “I don’t think so, no way. Don’t even ask.” 

“Come on, please?” 

“No. You dragged me into this conversation yesterday and not a single one of you listened. Not doing it.” 

I got three puppy faces and Zac was bad enough as it was, throw in Taylor and those blues and then Isaac? I was doomed and they knew it. 

“Fine. What is your question?” 

“Should we include I am or not?” Taylor asked. 

I stared at them blankly, not having a clue what song that was or what it sounded like. Zac played it. 

“I am father and son? None of you have children, or are there mini-versions that no one knows about?” 

“Just a reference, sounded like it flowed better with that and one day we will be.” Ike said. 

“Include it. It sounds good.” 

“You’re just…” 

I kicked Taylor’s shin. “Don’t even go there. You asked me for an opinion and I gave it to you. You should include the song and it’s not because Zac sings the lead, it’s because the song is good.” 

He rubbed his shin but he didn’t say anything else and Zac and Isaac just sat quietly. 

“You should include Need You Now also but I am bias on that one.” 

“Don’t you play the drums?” Isaac asked. 

“I do. Oh! That reminds me.” 

I pushed the laptop back and picked up the drawing pad and handed it over. “I finished that guitar one you asked for. Critique.” 

The three of them crowded around that one picture. 

“We don’t have to worry about flipping pages do we?” Taylor asked. 

“I wouldn’t recommend it…” 

“It’s black and white.” 

“Yeah, she doesn’t do color that much. I like it.” Zac said. 

“Is it possible to get a color one?” Ike asked. 

“Just like that or different?” 

“Like this one.” 

“Yeah, but it may be a while. I didn’t bring anything but black pencils.” 

“No problem. So, now that we know I am is included.” Ike said. 

That started them another debate about the other songs they had ready. About ten my phone beeped and I picked it up. 

**_I know you’re upset with Max. But…are you pissed at me too? I’ve been knocking for like 30 minutes!_ **

_I’m not home Abby, I’m at the studio with Zac. Why are you even there? Were we suppose to hang out?!_

**_No, there were no plans but I know you leave soon for another few months. Wanted to just see if you wanted to get lunch and hang out._ **

_No Max?_

**_IDK where he is, it’s just me._ **

I looked up at them arguing about another song and considered it, sure she was more on Max’s side but the last few times we talked she hadn’t said anything cross or negative to me about anything. 

_Do you know where 3CG is?_

**_Somewhere in the Brady district right? You mentioned it before._ **

_209 N Main St. text me when you get here._

She said okay and I shut things down, I’d have to take the laptop and tablets with me when I left and while they were totally arguing about that next song Zac stopped and looked at me. 

“Gabby?” 

“Abigail asked for lunch, I told her to pick me up. She can just take me back to the apartment and then I wouldn’t be there alone either.” 

“No. You know she’ll tell Max and he’ll be there.” 

“She said Max wasn’t with her. If he shows up then I’ll tell them both to leave.” 

“He won’t.” 

“He won’t have a choice, he can leave or the police can make him leave.” 

“Don’t forget your duffle.” Taylor said. 

I had forgotten it and I went down the hall and got it, came back and checked the contents. Zac didn’t seem happy but he also knew that I couldn’t ignore it all forever. I laid the contents out but even when the bag was empty I could feel something in the bottom. It took me ten minutes to find the place that had been sewn shut and they all looked when I ripped it. The object was there in the side, a square piece of plastic. 

A floppy disk. 

I stared at the grey piece with the bright red little sliding part and I could clearly remember blonde asking about this, repeatedly. Screaming that I had it, that I needed to give it up. I needed to turn the plastic over right then and there. This is what they were looking for. I slipped the disk back down and put everything back in the bag. If the detective was right then I couldn’t tell anyone that it was here. 

Abby sent a message when she parked and Zac walked me to the front. 

“Baby are you okay?” 

“Yeah, any special request for your bags?” 

“Underwear, I tend to never take enough with me.” 

“You’re going to choose the stage clothes when you get home, right?” 

“Yes.” 

“Okay. Let me know if you’re going to be midnight getting home.” 

“I hope it’s more like 6...” 

I smiled and he held the door, more to view the car and make sure she was alone than because I needed it. But he made it a point to kiss me before I got past him well. I then walked to her car and I know he followed me because the door didn’t close until I was seated and had the seatbelt on. 

“Bring enough with you?” 

“Well, I had to bring the tablets and stuff home, Taylor brought me the duffle bag back and my laptop had to come home.” 

“Laptop? I didn’t know you had a laptop.” 

“It’s what Zac got me for Christmas. He said I deserved my own and Shawn got a bunch of graphic programs so I’ve been dabbling with those. I have e-mail now also.” 

“About time! I can e-mail you while you’re on tour.” 

“Yep. Well, when it’s connected to the internet I can check. Texts and calls would still be quicker.” 

“Of course. So, Mexican for lunch?” 

“Sounds fine.” 

She went to Mexicali’s, close by and we had a very pleasant lunch. Conversation didn’t revolve around Zac and I or even Max. She talked about school and what she wanted to do for the future. Made me realize mine was pretty blank. When we were done she took me back to the apartment. 

“Looks like you kind of live here now.” 

“He told me to do whatever, all I basically did was change the curtains. Framed a few drawings from us both and added some pictures.” 

She looked around. “I don’t remember this one.” 

The picture was the one I’d taken on New Years, the kissing one. “I took it New Years, I just didn’t add it to Twitter or anything.” 

“It’s a good one.” 

“He wanted it up. Only one he absolutely required I print.” 

She paused at the larger one, really good picture from Vegas. “Wedding picture?” 

“Yeah, despite being drunk we did fairly good for the pictures.” 

I unpacked the duffle bag and put the books up and assorted items. “I’ve got to pack do you want to come help me pack mine?” 

“You don’t mind me seeing the bedroom?” 

“Well, it’s clean just no pictures.” 

She giggled and followed me to the bedroom. “Damn, it’s simple and clean.” 

“All I did in here was well, nothing. Just added a few pictures and the towels that Stella got us for Christmas I put them up. Closet’s this way.” 

She followed me. 

“Shit, he has a Jacuzzi tub?” 

“Oh my god, that tub is awesome. I finally got to use it after like the middle of January. Was quite nice.” 

“Have you gotten to do a lot more in the tub?” 

“Not talking about that.” 

I went into the closet and she gasped. 

“I expected him to have…more?” 

“Not really. Most of his everyday stuff is in the drawers or folded up. The stuff hanging is the more nicer things and in this case most of what he’ll be wearing on stage. I’ll pack his everyday stuff but he’ll pack those.” 

“What are you packing then?” 

“What I need, I can’t really do much this time though. The arm is healed but the doctor doesn’t want me to do much for a few more months.” 

“So, you’re just going to be going?” 

“Zac won’t leave me behind, um the detectives think the people were professionals. He’s afraid they’ll come after me again.” 

“They don’t know who it was?” 

“No.” 

I got my suitcase from the space in the back and opened it, began to pack clothes. Pants because the weather where we were going wasn’t going to be warm. Although, just in case I did include 2 pair of Capri’s, and two pair of shorts with appropriate shirts. She raised her eyebrow at the new bras and panties. 

“I don’t remember those.” 

“Zac got them when I cleaned out of the drawers and got rid of the underwear and t-shirts he had with holes and I did the same with mine. Some of the stuff was because Simon loved them. So, he took some bras out too because they were stretched badly.” 

She was quiet for several minutes as I finished packing the one suitcase, which I packed with suits, laying them together and then I used another suitcase for the same thing. My now third suitcase would contain pajamas and my carry on duffle. I was now understanding why Taylor had like ten. I got Zac’s from the side and began to chose his. 

“I’m sorry.” She said. 

I paused holding a stack of t-shirts confused. 

“For what?” 

“Not being up front about Max, not telling you. I wanted too I just knew how you felt about him and I didn’t want to upset you more when he left.” 

“When he left?” 

“Come on Gabs, you’ve figured it out by now.” 

“I figured you dated a lot more than you said.” 

“We were then, I knew he was leaving because I was his girlfriend. But, he didn’t tell me he was still meeting you. It’s why I left him actually. He was suppose to have cut that tie months before, I didn’t realize he didn’t.” 

“Because he didn’t think it was a big deal.” 

“I just wish I had told you.” 

“Doesn’t matter anymore. It’s not likely he wants to be around me anyway.” 

“He does.” 

“Well, until he can accept this then he just won’t be. He hit me Abby, you sat there in March and heard how pissed he was at Simon and yet he’s telling me that was good? He hit me and it’s not something I’ll be fine with.” 

She frowned. “He’s never been that way. I don’t know what’s gotten into him.” 

“It doesn’t matter, he made the choice. He’s the one that has to deal with me being married. I’m not divorcing Zac just because he thinks he can’t change. He waited months because I couldn’t do anything, if he was so incapable he would have already called someone.” 

“Who says he hasn’t?” 

“Me. Because his phone isn’t locked to me. Nothing is. He will answer any question I ask. He is aware of what he did before but he’s also committed to this relationship.” 

She smiled. “I’m glad he is. He seems to really care about you.” 

I put plenty of t-shirts, pants, some shorts in his bags. 

“No underwear? Are you trying to get easy access?” She asked. 

“I wasn’t going to pack that with you here, he might have a slight issue.” 

She giggled and closed her eyes. “Go ahead. I wouldn’t want you to forget those.” 

I quickly threw more than enough and then covered them with pants. She even reminded me that we both needed socks! When the bags were packed we went to the living room. I was about to sit down when the doorbell rang, I wasn’t expecting anyone but walked over and checked. 

“Did you call Max and tell him I was here?” 

“No. He asked where I was and I simply said out shopping.” 

I opened the door but blocked his path inside. “What do you want?” 

“To talk to you.” 

“If you are here to do anything but apologize then you’re wasting your time. I told you, this is my choice and you have to accept it, there is nothing else for you to do.” 

“Gabriella, come on.” 

His tone of voice was one he used so long ago and I just shook my head. It was his tone when he wanted sex and I’d refused. 

“I’m not falling for that. Deal with it.” 

He still moved quickly but I knew all his little tricks so even though his intention was a kiss, he only landed his lips on my cheek and then I pushed him away. 

“Maxwell!” Abby said. 

The look on his face said he totally did not expect her to be here, I had no idea what he thought he’d get out of coming anyway. If he anticipated me having sex with him now, he was fucking crazy. 

“I think you need to go Max.” 

Abby got up and she looked pissed, she’d seen him and there was no denying that I had nothing to do with that. 

“You want to explain this Max? Because from my position it really looks like you think she’d just accept that you’re here and do what? Have sex with you?” 

“She was never really able to tell me no. I know all the little weak points.” 

He really hadn’t moved away and the familiar memories were there, that second time when he came onto me, the third time, and all the ones after that. Fuck, he was right, I’d never said no to him. Didn’t matter what I felt or if I really wanted too, I’d never said no. 

“Max. She isn’t your girlfriend, I am.” 

“Come on Abigail, you knew the whole time that we were together that we were too. It’s nothing new, I would have eventually pulled her to my room anyway.” 

“Max…” She said. 

I could smell his cologne the familiar scent that I use to smell when Simon was at his worse, because I’d think back to the days where I was happy. But, that was years ago and before I was married to someone. I moved away from him, that scent didn’t feel the same. 

“Gabriella.” 

“You need to leave Max.” 

“Gabs.” 

“No. I’m married to someone, he is the only person I’ll be having sex with. You need to leave or I will call the police and they’ll make you leave. I’m not some 16 year old seeking comfort in someone who cares, I’m an adult. One you think is stupid and a whore, so leave.” 

He didn’t seem thrilled with that but he did agree to leave on his own and Abby followed, surely she was pissed off that he just felt it was fine to come here. Once they were both outside the door I closed and locked it, then sat down. Abby had pretty much said they were dating then and he’d still come to me. It could explain Max’s feelings the last few months if he thought he could have us both. When Abby text I picked up the phone. 

**_Fuck what an ass. He seriously thinks it was okay to be dating me and sleeping with you. But, I am proud of you Gabby because you rejected that. I broke up with him. That’s not how relationships are._ **

_I wouldn’t have slept with him even if I was still at his place, it’s not what I want. You two are good together but he needs to grow up a bit apparently._

**_I do love him but you are right. He needs to grow some and realize relationships are one-on-one. He was headed home, do you want me to come back?_ **

_It’s okay. I need to make a dessert for family dinner tomorrow and fix dinner for us, Zac should well, hopefully be home soon._

**_Okay – you didn’t mention Simon…is that done?_ **

I considered telling her but ultimately I told her there was no change. Despite the e-mails, calls, and texts that he was doing I just felt like it wasn’t her problem. I went ahead and laid out Zac’s suitcase for his tour clothes and made sure I had packed everything I needed and he would. I left the suitcases there because they exceeded my 10 pound limit. I fixed a cake for tomorrow and then used a bunch of leftovers to create dinner. We hadn’t shopped this week because we knew no perishable items could be left. I cleaned out the fridge as I waited and he got home at 7. 

“Did you guys settle on five or six songs?” 

“Yes, five. The membership kit was sent to the manufacturer. They should be ready by May and we’ll mail when we get home. Did your time with Abby go well?” 

“Yeah, but Max did show up.” 

He glanced up from his plate. “Anything bad?” 

“Apparently he thought it was okay to date Abigail and come on to me, I turned him down and she yelled at him and then broke up with him. I guess his actions the last few months really were him being jealous of us. I guess he knew I don’t cheat on people and that with us being together it ruined his chances.” 

“It’s possible that was his thoughts and reasons. Did he serious try to come on to you?” 

“Yeah. You know there were a lot of times when Simon was at his worse that I resorted to those years of memories, because they were good ones. But it’s not right that he lead Abby on or thinks that I’d fall that easily now.” 

“It’s possible that he was just jealous of you being with someone. You were living there and I was assuming that your friendship then was on good grounds?” 

“Yeah. He was very accommodating when I showed up and he was nice and helped. But um…that duffle bag Taylor brought.” 

“Yeah, the one he took home. Sorry it took so long, he never unpacks unless he has too.” 

“There was a floppy disk inside the lining of the bag. It’s why I ripped it earlier, I felt something in the bag. It was a floppy disk, just like the one they were looking for.” 

He laid the fork down and looked at me. “Just like it?” 

“Yeah. Grey disk, no writing with the red sliding part. I didn’t even know it was there. I used it for the books and stuff and that was it.” 

“What do you plan to do?” 

“Nothing really, I’m not going to tell Max or Abby or anyone else that it was there but you need to know. I took the disk out and put it in the bottom drawer in the closet, where my gowns are.” 

“Okay. Did you try to see what was on it?” 

“No. I don’t have a floppy drive on the laptop and neither do you. I’ll have to find someone that does.” 

“I think one of the computers at the studio does. But it’s closed up now.” 

“I’m not worried.” 

“Should we tell the detectives?” 

“I will when we get home, but right now I can’t answer their questions and leave. It seems no one is coming after me or anything, so maybe they just lucked out or whatever.” 

“Maybe. What is this? It’s really good.” 

“I have no idea, I tossed a little of everything in there. The fridge is cleaned out, my bags are done, yours are almost done, just need to check I covered everything.” 

“Okay.” 

When he finished eating dinner we both cleaned up and he made sure the bags had everything we needed. He then sat the bags by the hallway door so nothing would be forgotten. We were originally going to fly, but apparently we were now riding to Nebraska while everyone else was meeting us there. Demetrius and Andrew however were riding with us. It was a good thing because they were all cool. We made use of that tub again before going to bed too, because after an all day family fest we probably wouldn’t have time tomorrow night. As I fell asleep I wondered what could be on the disk, but it wasn’t important right now. 


	5. Cold Chills

POV: Gabby

  

February 25, 2008 

What was supposed to be us getting in late Sunday turned into early Monday when a flat tired delayed us. Carrick and his band were already there waiting on us, but we didn’t make it to the venue until 8 am. It wasn’t uncommon to arrive now but we were looking forward to being parked a while, but that didn’t happen. We began to unload anyway, the boys were helping and I was condemned to the basic very light items like cables and the guitar cases if I used my left hand. Zac yelled when I made a half hearted attempt to help him and Isaac push the piano inside. I was allowed to unpack the wires and lay them out but they set up the equipment. 

“When is Carrick and the others showing up?” I asked. 

“Should be the next hour, they check out at eleven and he said he would grab pizza for us all. So, should be about noon or thereafter.” Isaac replied. 

“Gabby! Where is my damn wire?” 

“To your right Tay.” 

He grabbed the wire and because this venue had them under a table I just smiled. Damn I needed a feather! I smiled very widely when Isaac presented me with one and Zac got his camera to record it. Taylor screamed like a little girl and jumped when I ran the feather across his back. It was hilarious! Zac sent it to Stella at home and Taylor just groaned. 

“I should have known.” 

He was a little red faced but nothing bad and he swore he wouldn’t be doing that again. Zac was trying to set the drums up but having problems so I climbed up and just sat down in his lap. Began to adjust the screws and clamps, to the precise location they needed to be. 

“You do realize this is not a good place for you to be sitting like this. Right?” 

“You are handling it quite well actually, unless you wore very tight underwear.” 

His arms came around my waist and I felt the warm lips against my neck. “Only because I know Isaac is 15 feet away.” 

Taylor yelled that the pizza was here so I got up. “I’m going to finish fixing the clamps and then I’ll join you guys.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah. Three slices of white cheese please, I am sure Carrick remembered.” 

He smiled and after a quick kiss ran off with Isaac and I sat down to finish the few little clamps, I wanted to make sure they were right because the last thing we needed was for them to roll away. I didn’t realize it was taking so long, but I heard the sounds of heels on the floor, kind of confused me because everyone was male on this tour but me. Then again, venue personnel could be women. 

“They sent me to get you, said your food was getting cold.” 

I paused with my hand on the clamp because her voice sounded familiar, kind of medium pitched but velvety smooth, I just sat there because that voice was not possible. It had been a very long time since I’d last heard it. I heard the phone go off and was sure it was Zac but I really didn’t want to acknowledge that she was there. 

“Hello?” She asked. 

It couldn’t be her, there was no way she was here. Why would she be?! But I heard the shoes again, getting closer and then her hand was on my shoulder and I turned staring into the familiar green eyes. I could see the shock in her face as well, not expecting to see me here. Her hand remained on my shoulder and I just stared into the pretty green eyes. 

“Kitten? Is that really you?” 

Her voice was still the same smooth velvet that I remembered and that name I hadn’t been called that in seven years. I couldn’t believe she was standing there. 

“Sierra?” 

My phone went off again as my eyes traveled over her face, the same fine features, the same middle of the lip piercing, her hair was multi-colored still, shades of blue and blonde, she was wearing black jeans that fit very well, high heels and a simple white long sleeve, I could see her black bra through the shirt though. 

“It is you! My god you look so different without the long hair and the black!” 

She moved super quickly, embracing me in a tight familiar hug and it was so comforting and felt so good. 

“Where have you been Kitten? Newton told me you just up and left him. You didn’t even take half of your things. Where did you go?” 

There was true concern in her voice, something no one from my past seemed to really have anymore. 

“I...I uh...caught him with Mary. I just left and went home. I found Tera when I got there.” 

“Gabby! Carrick is threatening to…” Zac’s voice trailed off behind her. 

Maybe it was the fact she was so close to me? Practically in my lap almost. I was so glad he came and provided me an out because I was feeling all kinds of things right now and I just didn’t need that. 

“Sorry.” 

“Gabby?” he asked. 

“No one’s ever called you by your first name. When did you start using it?” She asked. 

“You two know each other?” Zac asked. 

Sierra’s arms went around me and she smiled. “She’s my little kitten. It’s what I always called her anyway.” 

“Kitten huh? Well, I’ve heard Ella, Gabby, Skye, her full name but never that.” 

He was looking at me wanting an answer and I just really wanted to run like hell, where was Austin when I needed him?! I was never so glad for Isaac in my life. Hopefully she’d be gone before the show and definitely before we left. 

“Gabs, Carrick is threatening to eat the plate Zac put aside for you. You better go.” Ike said. 

“Sure.” 

I pulled away from Sierra and made a beeline to the back, leaving her and Zac confused. Yet, I really wasn’t hungry anymore. Carrick had my plate and I knew that I needed to keep up appearances. 

“You better leave that plate alone or I’ll feed you to the wolves.” 

He slid it over. “It’s about damn time, I’ve missed your pretty face and what the fuck is this about marriage? You two went and got married without me?” 

“You were there, it was Vegas!” 

“No fucking way.” 

“Sorry, way.” 

I took a few bites of the cheese pizza which was still warm and still delicious. 

“Did you meet our drummer?” 

“Mikey? Yeah. Damn Carebear where you been? I met Mikey last year. I know you aren’t that slow.” 

“Mikey quit Gabby. We have a new temporary drummer. Carebear?” 

“Oh…Um..No, I haven’t met him then, I didn’t know Mikey left. Yes, Carebear.” 

“She. She came to get you. Sierra?” 

The slice of pizza completely fell out of my hand, landing on the plate. “Sierra?” 

If she was there drummer then she’d not be leaving after tonight, she wouldn’t even be 100 feet from me and she’d be _on_ the bus! 

“Yeah. Why?” 

“We use to tour together.” She said. 

I saw both Carrick and Austin lay their forks down slowly, Taylor’s eyes widened and the fork was mid-bite just hanging there. Andrew and Demetrius just stared at me. 

“When?” Carrick asked. 

“I was the lead singer for Twisted Metal. She was one of the band members girlfriends, traveled with us a lot. Roadie for us actually the first year.” 

I think I saw the moment Carrick recognized her face. “I think I may have seen a photo of you then.” 

“Yeah, I had more single colors then, I went more multi-colored after the band broke up.” 

Zac sat down beside me but when my phone went off I checked. 

**_Are you okay?!_ **

_Yeah, I’m fine._

**_I don’t believe that, but I will accept it._ **

I just forced myself to finish eating, ignoring that she’d sat down beside me, ignoring that she was here. 

“So you know Gabriella?” Taylor asked. 

“I remember a far different version of Kitten than you guys apparently know.” 

“Kitten?” Isaac asked. 

“Sorry, it’s what I called her back then, guess old habits don’t die very hard.” 

The pizza wasn’t settling well at all, so I kept quiet. 

“How long was back then?” Isaac asked. 

“It’s been about seven years since I last saw her, at the time her hair was much longer than it is now and black, I recall a bunch of leather too.” 

“Not much leather in her closet now.” Zac said. 

I could almost feel her eyes move across me to him. “Really, maybe I should change that. Leather was always a good look.” 

I felt Carrick’s foot smack mine and looked at him. He asked if I was okay without using his voice and I just nodded. But truthfully I wasn’t feeling very well, Zac commented something about seeing pictures of leather pants. 

“How did you meet Carrick and Austin?” 

She looked at me and those green eyes flashed love. “I saw an advertisement for a tour drummer, I love the music so I already knew the songs really. I came in, we jammed a bit and they hired me for the tour.” 

“Seems legit, Mikey just up and left. We didn’t want to cancel so we put the ad out first. Several replies but Sierra was the best choice, she knew most of the songs already and we didn’t like have communication problems.” Austin said. 

“Fans will get a kick out of the hair.” Andrew said. 

She giggled and I remained quiet, remembering things I’d worked to forget. 

_Newton was acting strange as he lead me to the rear of the bus, some surprise he said and I smiled when I heard her giggle._

_“I don’t think I’ve seen you in that little of clothes.”_

_“He told me to dress in this…what is..”_

_Her hands came around me and that was the end of the nerves, end of the problems, sex with her was so different and she paid so much attention, as we laid in the floor of the lounge later on she giggled._

_“Kitten, that is what I am going to call you from now on.”_

_“Kitten? Seriously?”_

_“My little sex kitten, because I’ve never heard anyone purr the way you did.”_

It was Zac’s hand waving in front of me that got my attention, I found everyone staring at me. 

“You okay there Kitten? You seemed a little out there.” 

“I’m fine, tired.” 

I was finished with lunch so I just got up and went back to the drums, I needed to finish them before the walk and that was in like an hour. I sat down there in the quietness of the stage but it didn’t stay long because Zac was there. 

“Hop up.” 

I got up and he sat down on the stool, pulling me back down sideways. 

“This isn’t a position I can fix your drums in.” 

“What’s wrong? You’ve been acting weird since you came back.” 

“Nothing is wrong.” 

He just held me there patiently, although his right hand was creeping underneath the back of my shirt, not that I was minding much, the warm fingers felt nice. 

“I haven’t seen her in seven years, I don’t know what to expect. Nothing is wrong.” 

“Positive?” 

“Yes.” 

“Are you going to walk with us?” 

“Of course, I just won’t be like under you.” 

He gave my cheek a nice kiss. “I rather like it when you are, but okay. Do stay where I can see you though.” 

“I will. If you’ll let me finish this.” 

He let me get up and he went to get ready, I finished setting it up and while we were on the walk Carrick set up, Andrew joined the walk but I still stayed near Zac. It was weird now that fans knew, yet I found a lot really didn’t, I assumed they were non-members of the website. When we got back they did their sound check and I had to adjust the drums just a bit and adjust 1 wire that Taylor messed up. 

Catering was provided for dinner here, so we sat down about 6 and had a decent dinner , Sierra spent most of the time with Austin and Carrick then going over the set list, so it was nice to have separation and it seemed like she wasn’t really saying much about me. Zac and I both showered together, it was the easiest way. Even if he would probably take another one tonight after the show. I watched their show and sure enough afterwards he hopped back in, but I went to help them break down, following my strict orders not to do anything but break down the drums and wires. 

“How are you?” Carrick asked. 

“Much better, the doctor said not a lot of bending or anything, he didn’t clear me to return to the same work but I can carry the guitars and the wires, it’s all Hanson is allowing.” 

He smiled. “Glad you are better though.” 

Sierra looked confused but didn’t ask about it. I saw them greeting fans after the show but Zac was keeping his distance from the blondes and really, all of them. He was doing side hugs and not letting them get so touchy. But the last two trips said they’d all gotten on the bus because he wasn’t outside. When the trailer was re-loaded with all the equipment we made a last sweep and then got on the bus. I was the last one on, letting DJ know we were ready to roll and start the second half of this tour. 

Our bunks were the same as before, Sierra’s was on the other side and the front, so she was away from me. I didn’t understand why she was making me so nervous to be around. It had been a long time, over seven years since we talked, sure she called me Kitten still but no one else knew why, least that I knew of. I could hear them in the back so I went there and found most seats were full, everyone was back here but even though there was extra seats my chosen seat was Zac’s lap. 

“Aww, so sweet.” Carrick said and then gagged a bit. 

“Stuff it Carrick.” Zac said. 

Sierra looked up from her spot in the back corner, a confused look on her face. I just settled in his lap, his left hand rested on my thigh and the other one was behind me on the edge of the sofa. 

“Where did you get that ring Kitten? It’s pretty, I love the blue.” 

“My wedding band? Zac picked them out but I have no idea where he got them, he refused to tell me.” 

That totally got her attention. “Wedding band?” 

“Yeah, these two love birds decided Vegas was the right place but seriously, could have invited me.” Carrick said. 

“Dude, my own parents weren’t there. Get over it.” Zac said. 

“I didn’t know you ever wanted to get married. Didn’t Newton ask like six times?” 

“He did but I wasn’t ready then. It’s a long story but I want to be here.” 

“I couldn’t ask for a better wife.” 

“Or hotter.” Austin chimed in. 

“You trying to make me replace the guitar player too?!” Carrick asked. 

“No, it’s true. Zac isn’t going to deny that either.” 

“No denying it from me.” Zac said. 

I settled in and she didn’t say anything about them, but the guys chatted about random things from the holidays. Most everyone had spent time with their families, which is what we had done also. Isaac shared his news about an engagement and we spent a long time talking about that and potential dates, he didn’t have a set date yet, but they were thinking next year for the wedding, it was a long engagement. 

“How long were you two together before you got married?” Sierra asked. 

“Thirteen days.” Zac said. 

“Thirteen…Days?” She asked. 

“We dated thirteen days, yeah. Vegas wedding, not really planned.” Zac said. 

“Yet, you remained married?” She asked. 

“Yep. Felt like it was where I belonged.” 

“Then you are G. Hanson from the list?” 

“Who did you think it was?” Austin asked. 

“Some cousin or something, I didn’t think wife. I didn’t think Kitten would ever get married, not after turning down Newton.” 

“Who is this Newton guy?” Carrick asked. 

“He’s no one.” I said. 

She didn’t argue but an hour later she went to bed and then everyone slowly started making their way to bed. Zac and I sat in the back for a little while longer up until everyone else was in bed. 

“You never told me Newton asked you to marry him. Is that true?” 

“Newton asked several times but he didn’t mean it Zac, he never meant it.” 

“Why do you think he didn’t mean it?” 

I kissed his neck and moved up to his lips. “Because he never looked at me the way you do, he asked after sex or after getting high. He never remembered asking afterwards and he just didn’t seem serious. If he had been serious and if he had looked at me like you, then maybe. But, I was 17 then too, I wasn’t ready to settle down.” 

“You act like that was twenty years ago.” 

“Well, it was long enough. Newton wasn’t serious about anything, I don’t really know if he married the girl he cheated on me with.” 

“If you were with Tera and Sierra during that relationship, couldn’t you have been seen as cheating too?” 

“He initiated those events and he was present the whole time, every time. I walked in on him and Mary, I didn’t even know about them. I didn’t care to after that, I just left. I never told him I’d never say no to that, he knew all he had to do was ask. I wasn’t enough for him so I left.” 

He pulled me in for a kiss. “You are more than enough for me. But, we should get to bed. It’s a long drive.” 

“Sure?” 

“Yes. It’ll be fine.” 

Eventually we peeled ourselves off the couch and got into bed, although sleeping above and below one another wasn’t normal now, so it often took me longer to fall asleep. Simon’s messages didn’t help, they were still steady and now the e-mails were pictures and the texts were more personal, reminding me of things I didn’t need reminding of. I eventually fell asleep about 4 am.


	6. Unsure

POV: Zac

  

March 1, 2008 

We were on our way to Montana, the show was the 4 th but we had a brief hotel stay here. The drive would be less than eleven hours including multiple stops for refueling and breaks. The first part of this tour was spread out and allowed longer breaks, but the second half would be much more frequent as we hit about every place on the east coast. 

Gabriella was currently sitting behind me on the sofa reading her nook, she mentioned downloading a drawing book so she was stuck on that book for the moment. She had drawn some things but she hadn’t really showed anyone and her face often seemed confused when she was. She was being very weird too, since she saw Sierra Monday she’d been rather clingy. When she wasn’t setting up she was right near me. Not that I was minding her being near me, I was just wondering why. 

She acted very differently around Sierra, she hardly would speak and when she did it was to divert the conversation away from herself. Because naturally, everyone wanted to know more about her and who else was the best to ask? Sierra seemed shocked she gotten married but I hadn’t really heard them talk about anything. 

“You are going down!” Carrick yelled. 

We were in a very competitive game of Call of Duty, which was another reason she was here instead of in bed. 

“No way, you know I am going to win and blow you up.” 

“Bullshit, you aren’t Gabriella. Only she blows me up and usually you as well. Hell, she wins more than us just by accidentally blowing everyone up!” 

“She does not do that accidentally, she does that on purpose.” 

“No way. Not Gabs.” 

“You guys know I can hear you right? I’m like a foot away from you.” 

“Yes.” We said. 

She rolled her eyes at us. “I do not do it on purpose, unless you piss me off and then yes, I am going to grenade your butts into next week.” 

I paused and so did he. “Seriously? That’s why you do it?” 

She smiled at us. “I don’t give away all my secrets.” 

“How is the book?” 

“Informative. It’s got good techniques for shading, line works, even depth. It’s a great read and you should check it out when you aren’t being blown up.” 

I turned and sure enough I was dead. “Carrick!” 

“Gabriella is the perfect distraction for you.” 

“Fuck you.” 

We started another campaign and she kept reading, but when she got tired she laid the nook down and watched. 

“You can go to bed Gabs.” 

“I’m fine, playing solitaire on the phone.” 

“Simon hasn’t been sending anything?” Carrick asked. 

“Every day, least he laid off the dick pictures.” 

Carrick looked over at her. “Dick pictures?” 

“It’s what he normally sends me, because apparently I love his dick so much it’s enough to get me back with him.” 

“Ironic isn’t it?” Zac asked. 

“Pretty sure the only dick she wants now is attached to you, Zac.” 

“Oh, I love it when he sends me dick pictures. Those I could totally stare at for hours.” 

I felt my face heat up some and know he diverted his attention to me. 

“Really Zac? You once told me you’d never do that.” 

“She’s special, she won’t share them with the world.” 

“Let me guess she doesn’t mind sending you the same type?” 

“Oh no, the ones I get are so much more evil.” 

Gabriella giggled behind me. “I just know what to send to get what I want. But, back to topic. Zac here sends some, but Simon will send like time lapse pictures from start to finish, I couldn’t care a less really what he’s doing or with who.” 

“Doesn’t he like, want you to come back?” 

“Yeah. He’s just delusional.” 

“So…any reason why Sierra calls you kitten?” 

I’d been wondering about that for days myself because anytime Sierra wanted her attention it’s what she called and each time this unreadable emotion passes over her face. Truthfully, the nickname or word pisses me off, because the only person that should be calling her that is me. I’d heard Gabriella ask her to use her first name, but she just kept using Kitten. I was sure there was some reason why, but it just irritated me to hell when she used it. It was like a nickname for lovers. 

They weren’t lovers. 

But the looks they exchanged made me question whether Gabriella did love her or not, Sierra often looked smitten with her and I’d caught her staring at her more than once. She even joined a walk and purposefully walked behind Gabriella, I swear her eyes stayed on her butt the whole time! 

“Just what she called me then.” 

“Surely you done something to obtain the nickname. Were you a crazy kitten girl?” 

“No, but I’d rather not discuss it.” 

“You never do. Come on, you know our drummer and we don’t.” 

He moved back some and I glanced back, recognizing that face really well. 

“I said I’d rather not discuss it, which means I’m not going to answer any questions at all about her or then.” 

“Okay.” 

He moved back to the game and I tried to focus, but my thoughts kept drifting to the back. She had pictures with Tera, but not Sierra. There was just that one of her sitting in her lap. I was sure that Newton took more but did he not keep them? Were they just not that close? It always felt tense when they were around one another and I was positive Gabriella wasn’t jealous or concerned she’d come to me. Speaking of tense, the three of us looked up when Sierra came in. 

“You two are loud when you play, good thing I couldn’t sleep. But, how the hell does your brothers sleep?” 

“They’ve had years to get use to it.” I said. 

I felt Gabriella move some, getting closer to me. 

“Kitten when did you start wearing footie pajamas?” 

I couldn’t bitch much, the Star Wars footie pajamas were my absolute favorite of hers and the ones she had on now. 

“It’s warmer and helps if I toss the cover off.” 

“You use to not care about that.” 

Sierra smiled a bit, playful grin that insinuated a lot more, there was even a slight eye brow wiggle! 

“Seven years Sierra, things change.” 

“They don’t change that much Kitten.” 

“Why the hell do you call her that?” Carrick just burst out, based on his look he hadn’t really meant to say that out loud. 

“Well..” 

“The reason why she calls me a name is of no important Carrick. Back the fuck off.” 

He blinked, Sierra stopped mid-sentence and I turned to look at her. That was a sudden change but she didn’t look pissed off. 

“Right, you’re right. I um..won’t ask anymore.” 

“I don’t mind saying why Kitten, you use to not care about the why. Use to love when I told people why.” 

I swear Gabriella tried to jump over me, clearly she didn’t want to be in the room with her! Sierra and Carrick looked as confused as I did when she went out of the room, slamming, or at least trying to, the door as she went up front. I was sure she was going to the driver’s area, it’s where she went last time she got that irritated and pissed. 

“Carrick I call her Kitten because…” 

Carrick held his hand up about the same time I did. 

“It’s obvious that she doesn’t want me to know Sierra. It’s fine.” 

“Likewise, she doesn’t want us to know and maybe it’s better to not say it and it might be best if you follow her wish and call her something else.” 

“It’s hard to do Zac, it’s all I’ve ever called her. Except Skye, which she seems to hate as much as Kitten.” 

“Either way.” I said. 

She didn’t say anything else so we finished the campaign and then I went to find her, she’d moved to the stairwell of the bus, just watching the endless miles of the concrete pass by. I sat down behind her, DJ giving me a weird look. 

“Why do I get the feeling that if we weren’t going 80 down the expressway you’d have run away.” 

“I’m fine, just irritated me that no one seems to listen.” 

“Carrick wouldn’t let her tell him and neither will I. Despite the fact that I want to know more than he does.” 

“Stupid nickname for a stupid teenager, that’s your reason. I should go to bed, try to sleep.” 

“Simon?” 

“He’s backed off a bit today.” 

“Let’s go to bed then.” 

We got up and I pulled her down into mine, it wouldn’t be the first or the last, she just didn’t seem to sleep well anywhere else. It wasn’t quite the most comfortable but it worked. 

**March 5, 2008**

Gabriella and I had cut out Monday to visit a few places around Billings, Montana. We had gone to a wild life sanctuary because I was trying to get her to relax and I was hoping a day away from everyone would help. The wildlife sanctuary had coyotes and Gabriella seemed intent to learn about them very much. They even allowed a picture of her with them, which was now my lock screen photo. They also had bears, foxes, owls, and a whole assortment of wild animals. We’d left there and gone to another location in which Taylor joined us because he showed up when we did, Pictograph Cave State park, which had caves and original pictographs which were amazing. The day had helped Gabby, she’d seemed relaxed and calm and then we got back and it went to hell. So I quickly planned another day! 

Our first stop for today had been the Moss Mansion it was a preserved home from the Moss family and it was over a 100 years old! The tour had gone for an hour and it was a good calming thing to do, but I wasn’t done yet. We had a huge lunch and then I drove us into the mountains again. 

“We’ve been to the caves.” 

“I know, we’re not going there.” 

She leaned back and waited, I parked in front of Bitter Creek Ranch and got out, but she was a bit confused until she saw the sign for horseback riding. 

“You seriously are trying to butter me up for something.” 

“No buttering up, just want you to relax before you end up slapping someone.” 

We got registered and while the idea of riding a horse didn’t sit well with me, I found the saddle to be comfortable, as long as this 300-lbs animal didn’t want to gallop. We had a guided tour for an hour and it was nice to see that she was enjoying this activity. I couldn’t help but tweet a picture of her it was just too perfect not too. After an hour we got to explore a bit on our own, a path they laid out for newbie’s. We were walking quietly along the path, enjoying the scenery, which was breathtaking even in the winter months. The thick jackets, gloves, and hats were helping greatly to keep us warm, the day was also rather warm for this time of the year. 

“Sierra use to call me Skye, she didn’t call me Kitten until May of 2000. It wasn’t until after we had sex. She told me afterwards that Kitten was what she was going to call me from now on because she’d never heard anyone purr like that. I was going to be her little sex kitten. It’s why no one else needs to know, I’d much prefer the fact that we’ve had sex remain a secret from the other men on the bus.” 

I blinked, I knew there had to be some reason, I seriously didn’t think it was that reason! 

“I don’t recall ever hearing you purr.” 

“I do with you sometimes, but it’s not something that occurs often.” 

“Maybe I need to be asking her how.” 

“You don’t need to ask her anything. I’d much rather not even speak about it.” 

“Why? I know she’s your past Gabby. I know where you want to be.” 

Even if at times I really was hard to comprehend that feeling. Because I did feel like she did love her still, but that she didn’t regret something. 

“I never expected to see her again.” 

“Understandable, you just seemed to need some time away from them. Hence our day.” 

“You promised me a date day anyway, multiple ones in fact.” 

“I did. I think I out did myself this time though.” 

“Naa.” 

“Has Simon really slacked off?” 

“Yeah, I don’t get as many text messages anymore. It’s quite pleasant to not see a hundred from him.” 

“What about Max?” 

She sighed. “Nothing since I updated him and he said he didn’t give a shit that I was just being stupid. I haven’t bothered since then. Abigail is doing well though, she went back to school and said her grades have come up. She seems to be adjusting well to breaking up with him.” 

“Did she say how he was handling that?” 

“I assume he’s fine with it, doesn’t matter if he’s not. He practically told her that he wanted to be some polygamist guy and have several wives, he thought we’d be the first two. As she said, she’s a one man woman and she wants a man that thinks the same way, likewise we don’t share.” 

“He couldn’t keep up with you both anyway, hell he can’t keep up with you.” 

“Hey, you’re doing a great job of keeping up with me.” 

“Yes, and there is only you. I can’t ever see myself not being happy with a single person.” 

“Evidently he’s not. He apparently liked when I was there on the side and he had dates. Makes me wish I hadn’t been so stupid then.” 

“You aren’t stupid. Heard from Shawn?” 

“He’s been working his ass off at the hospital, him and Grace both. They want to take a vacation soon and they need the extra money and the time.” 

“It seems like he likes this Grace.” 

“She’s nice. A little curt at times.” 

We rounded the trails and headed back to the ranch, despite the gorgeous views the temperature was beginning to drop. 

“So, your mom kind of hinted that she is okay without something but she kind of wants something.” 

I looked at her confused. “Say what?” 

“When we were shopping in January and stopped for pastry and she stared a long time at the wedding cakes, frowned even. I think she really wants something else.” 

“She told Isaac she wanted one and that she didn’t want to ask because she understood things were different for us.” 

She seemed to be thinking about something and then she turned to me. 

“So why not give her what she wants?” 

I blinked several times and just looked at her. “Are you positive?” 

“Well, why not? We’re married already.” 

“I thought you wanted to wait for like a year.” 

She pulled back on the reigns and the horse slowed a bit, so I did the same. 

“When I said that I didn’t know your parents, I didn’t understand why you freaked out about them finding out. I didn’t know how important it would be for your parents and especially your mom to have that moment, those memories. Because I never had parents that would be disappointed in what I did. Julian and Jacob didn’t even care that I left, so I figured no one would care that I got married. Let’s face it Zac, no one did and the ones that did care just wanted me to null it.” 

I wondered if that was the ultimate problem here or if this was a distraction, but she did have a point. 

“Did you have something in mine already? Because I wasn’t even thinking that direction yet.” 

“Not really, I never really thought about it.” 

“Well, they’re not rushing us so we have time.” 

We made it back to the ranch and got the horses put back up and then headed to dinner reservations in town. I’d have seriously just gone back to the hotel but the people fucked up and we ended up sharing with my brothers. Which to say that was awkward would be an understatement, I was use to sharing but they weren’t use to me sharing a bed with someone else. Nor was my cock use to that because at least twice I had to lay there and pretend it wasn’t my wife laying there. 

I still liked that. My wife. We had dinner and talked a little bit more about the concept of a wedding, something formal. We made it back to the hotel about 7 and went up to the room. Found them playing cards. 

“You guys have a good time?” Isaac asked. 

“We did. We went horseback riding.” 

She showed them the pictures she’d taken and I sat down on the bed. 

“Seems like the two of you had fun. The ranch is awesome looking!” 

“It was a great day.” 

It would have been a lot better if I had been able to have a private room without them or at least a shower with her. God knows I totally missed home because it was much easier to get her alone whereas the bus and the tour just wasn’t easy at all. I’d looked forward to this stay but then curse me for sharing with them! Although, I guess it’s better I share with them than Sierra, I couldn’t handle being trapped in a room alone with her and Sierra, there was enough tension on the bus. She showed them the pictures and talked to them for a bit before we were getting ready for bed, inside she was wearing a long gown, it kept her covered but fuck it was very temping in the middle of the night, just slid it up and slide the panties over, but not with Isaac and Taylor snoring in the same room! We did go to bed at a decent time after watching some random program Isaac chose. Thankfully sleep came quickly. 

  

[Wildlife Sanctuary](http://yellowstonewildlifesanctuary.org)

[Pictograph Caves](http://stateparks.mt.gov/poctograph-cave)

[Moss Mansion](http://www.mossmansion.com/)

[Bitter Creek Horseback Riding](http://www.bittercreekoutfitters.com/Default.aspx)

  


	7. Theatre

POV: Gabby / Zac

A/n: Sexual content. 

 

March 13, 2008 

It had been over 2 weeks since Sierra joined and I still wanted to avoid her. Telling Zac about the name hadn’t really helped me, she still called me Kitten only now Zac looked totally pissed when she did. The tension on the bus was creeping closer to explosion level and I knew that it was partially my fault, snapping at people about random things. Poor Carrick stayed away for days after that night I snapped at him. 

It wasn’t all Sierra’s fault though, really she just made me feel weird things around her and I feared she’d blab my whole past but she hadn’t really done that. Most of the stress was Simon, he had rather laid off texting me. But, he kept sending pictures and they now included messages, not threats just put downs. A picture of me with some random guy just said ‘whore’, ones with Tera and even Sierra said the same thing. I tried blocking his e-mail, but he just created a new ones. I tried setting up another account and he found me there too. 

Even without him the fans weren’t being very nice either. I tried to be nice and not post a lot of us and I still maintained including Ike and Taylor too, even ones of them with their girlfriends and now fiancé. Yet, the comments on the boys or on the couples of them were fine. Most said they were good, some said great. The ones of Zac and I? Only a few ever said positive items. Most every message was calling me a name. I was everything from a bitch to a whore to a slut who was sleeping with them all. Rarely did anyone stand up for me and twice I saw Abigail stand up. But she couldn’t anymore stop them than I could. 

It was just 7:30 and we were in Seattle, the show was Saturday but Stella flew up to spend time with Taylor for his birthday tomorrow. We had dinner plans for him and a small party planned, but nothing major. Zac was asleep and I had been trying to draw if it didn’t come out as a naked Sierra it came out depressing. I didn’t even know why I bothered to draw again. 

**_Sis – you up?_ **

_I am, unfortunately. Why are you up so early?_

**_AM shift. Hadn’t heard from you in a few days but I did see his tweet with the horses…_ **

_Yeah, we went horseback riding in Montana. Gorgeous area. I’ll e-mail some pictures._

**_Cool – but that’s not what I focused on. Are you okay? You looked…idk – lost?_ **

_I’m fine, just tired and ill and want to be home. How is Grace?_

**_She’s doing better, cold kicked her butt good. But she’s cleared for work now. Are you sure that’s all? They aren’t treating you badly are they? Do I need to do a well-visit?!?!_ **

_I swear Bro, that’s all. Glad she’s feeling better. Haha, I’ve been ill so there all treating me like a queen. I should keep being ill for that purpose. No visit needed unless you just want too!_

**_Been thinking about it actually, haven’t seen my brother-in-law perform ever. Although, Grace has once or twice long ago._ **

_I’ve seen them too many times! We play Tulsa the 1 st of April, I swear it’s not a joke!_

**_I know Cain’s is already advertising and Zac provided me with tickets for that show already. But we were thinking doing Kansas or Santa Fe also._ **

_Either way, if you’ll let me know I can get you tickets._

**_I know lil sis. ; -) Positive you are okay? Don’t make me come find out._ **

_I am sure. :- )_

I laid the phone down and Zac turned over, I swear he wasn’t as tired and worn out he probably would have jumped me the moment we got here, but Taylor had group plans but he’d told Taylor to count us out today, he planned to sleep. So I drew, not liking anything I did, and he slept. I checked my e-mail about 9 and got more messages from Simon, another three pictures this time with other guys. I checked social media sites for the last picture I had posted, which came from Idaho’s show. The comments were no better. 

_Zac’s so called wife, but she posts a lot of the other two? Pretty sure she’s not his real wife._

_She’s not blonde and I swear Zac was staring at every blonde on the Utah walk!_

_Staring? Please, he probably took a few back to the hotel too. She is just very naive._

_He only married her because she was pregnant, obviously she lied to him. Why else would he?_

_Did it ever occur you guys that he married her because he wanted too? Sure, she’s no blonde and he’s probably fucking everything with blonde hair behind her back..But still he had to agree to the marriage!_

I sighed as they got into more name calling. Abigail told me to privatize the account and I had considered it but it didn’t stop me from hearing them during the walks. When they didn’t think I could hear them, Sierra had heard one fan and started to say something but I stopped her. I didn’t want to start problems. 

Zac turned and peeked at me. “You got up…” 

“Hours ago actually.” 

“You showered without me? So mean.” 

“I showered at 8:30, you were still passed out.” 

Were the fans right? He really hadn’t come on to me in days, sure we were both tired but that hadn’t mattered before. Of course I was going to make sure by the time we made it back to the hotel he couldn’t resist. Stella and I had gone shopping while we were in Idaho, she’s convinced me to buy a long sleeve sweater dress, it was a medium grey, fit very snug and given the weather today would be perfect. I even got boots that would keep my legs warm. 

“What time is it?” 

“Around ten. I was about to wake you up because my little snack bar is wearing off.” 

He turned and yawned before getting up, he paused briefly to look at the dress before he got clothes, showered and got dressed himself. He reached for the drawing pad before I could really stop him and then he just blinked. 

“Um, wow.” 

“Sorry, it’s just what came out.” 

“Well, I’m surely not telling Sierra you are drawing her naked.” 

“You don’t have too, she saw it last week. Didn’t believe it was mine though.” 

He flipped through and stopped at the really dark one, lot of black in that one. Lot of cords and wires, it was like a representation of social media to me, always being plugged in and the negative shit that comes for it. 

“It’s different, but not bad. Very dark.” 

He laid it back down and finished getting dressed as I closed things down. I hadn’t really mentioned the e-mails because like the texts there was nothing I could do legally. I also quite enjoyed some of the pictures, but not all of them. 

“Where did Taylor and Stella go?” I asked. 

“He took her over to Forks, apparently Twilight is set there.” 

“Twilight?” I asked. 

“Vampire book series..I’m shock you haven’t read it.” 

“No, but I may now.” 

He rolled his eyes and we left to get lunch but then we didn’t go back to the hotel, he went to the Seattle Art Museum. 

“Another date day?” 

“May as well be, there isn’t anything at the hotel to do and we have dinner reservations anyway.” 

I could certainly think of many things we could do at the hotel. 

“We do?” I asked. 

“Yep. Are you going to be warm enough?” 

I put my arms around him. “I will as long as you’re here.” 

I had to give it to him, the museum really was something worth seeing. Highlighting all types of art and sculptures it was a good place to walk off lunch and it kept us from being bored. I could even examine the art here and see where I failed so miserably at. My favorite section was actually a Chinese collection of art and calligraphy. He tweeted a picture of me in front of one of the pieces, I didn’t even know until the notification pinged me. “Seattle Museum of Art with the wife” is how he captioned it, when I went to the bathroom I saw the comments, dozens by that point. 

_Wife? Publicity stunt more like it. We know it’s just B.S._

_Has she gained weight?! I recall her not being that “wide?” before…_

I should probably reply, respond, do something but why bother? I was washing my hands when the notification went off again and I checked after they were dry. It was a direct message, so I opened it. 

**_Kitten – I know damn well you see these bullshit posts. Why aren’t YOU saying anything?_ **

I blinked. _What posts?_

**_Don’t play that game with me Gabriella Skye. I know DAMN well you know what posts I mean. They’re all but attacking you directly. Say. Something._ **

_Like what Sierra? They’re just jealous because I am his wife. Nothing I say or do will stop them. It’s not worth my time to fight with fans who won’t ever like me._

**_You didn’t lie when you said you changed._ ** ****

I closed it and went back out, met him at the next exhibit. When we’d roamed the entire museum we left that place and I thought for sure we’d head back but he took me Chihuly Garden and Glass. 

“Our reservations for dinner are up there.” 

The Seattle Space Needle, a 605 foot tall location, and we were eating dinner way up there? 

“Glad I’m not afraid of heights.” 

“The restaurant is around 500 feet and the observation deck is 520.” He said. 

“Nice, tall but nice.” 

We went inside the next location, right beside it and just the visuals here was stunning. It was mostly blown glass in a variety of shapes, colors, and designs. A breezeway held a ceiling of blown glass, casting colors all over the walls and us, I even ignored the notification, certain he’d taken another photo and I got several of my own and even posted them on Instagram and Twitter. Chihuly’s was a spectacular place and it was the perfect thing leading up to dinner. We chose the elevator as over 800 steps didn’t sound pleasant to either of us, we were seated on the outer rim near a window and the view from this high up was breathtaking, let alone when we began to move. It was the perfect place to see the entire city. 

“You seem to like the view.” 

“What’s not to like about it? I can see the entire city.” 

“City doesn’t quite compare to you.” 

I turned and looked at him, had he just said that? 

“The city is quite breathtaking.” 

“This city’s never taken my breath away but you have.” 

I could feel the rush of heat to my face and I was quite glad that the appetizer had arrived, I wasn’t use to compliments that strong! Dinner was so nice and pleasant, we kept the conversation light. He didn’t mention Sierra or Simon, Max or anyone else. The three times his phone rang, he completely ignored it, mine was on silent anyway. When we were both done and the ticket was covered we went to the observation deck. I glanced down and it was a staggering height. 

“Do you always have to look down?” 

“I’m curious. Not like I have any chance of falling, it’s enclosed pretty well.” 

His arms slide around my waist and he held me there. “It is true Gabriella. The city never took my breath away but you have. Standing on the bus putting your things up. No one ever did that before.” 

“Are you trying to make me cry here?” 

“No, but there isn’t a point in denying the truth.” 

“You keep this up and no one will ever come close to you.” 

I felt his lips on my neck. “That’s the whole point.” 

“No one comes close now, you just keep pushing it higher and higher.” 

“Until no one else in the world can ever be a close replacement.” 

“You are getting quite romantic here, we should visit Seattle more.” 

“How about a movie?” 

“A movie?” 

“Yeah, there is a theatre right there, I can see it.” 

I was rather hoping for something more private, but a movie did sound nice so I agreed. Before we left the observation deck he asked someone to take a picture of us and they did, which was uploaded a moment later. I was afraid to look, so I didn’t. Instead we took the elevator back down and went to the theatre, I went to the bathroom while he bought tickets. His three calls had been Isaac checking in, but I had dozens of notifications. I stared at the caption to his post. 

_No city comes close to being as breathtaking as my wife._

The first message I could see was one remarking my weight so I didn’t even bother. Instead I turned the notifications off and met him at the line, we didn’t get popcorn or anything, I was too stuffed to eat anything else. He did get a bottle of water for us both before we went to the room number. He lead us inside and around the corner and all the way to the top, but he chose a seat above the steps. 

“What are we even watching?” I asked. 

“Sex and the City.” 

I blinked, I could have sworn he’d said he’d never see that movie. But I sat down and watched the previews for upcoming movies, but within fifteen minutes of the start I was wondering if he’d care if I napped. He hadn’t put the bar down between us so I was seriously contemplating just leaning over on his shoulder and napping when I felt him move and felt his lips land on my neck. A hand was suddenly on my thigh as well, confused me and for a moment I wondered if I had fallen asleep. 

“You know there are people here.” 

“There are five others and they’re all in the front.” 

He kept on and it finally hit me, he never intended to watch the movie, which is why he chose this one. 

“You know…if we’re caught.” 

“We won’t be. None of them are paying us any attention.” 

There was a slight bite to my ear and his hand was higher on my thigh. It really wouldn’t be the first time I’d done anything inside a movie theatre and again, I really was hoping for more than just sleep tonight anyway. I think I rather shocked him when I moved into his lap, tangling my hands into his hair. Even though I heard the choked yelp when I snagged the tangle too. 

“We could have gone to the hotel.” 

“No, that dress…no.” 

His hands were quick to find their way up the skirt and I heard the light moan when he realized I hadn’t worn any panties at all. His fingers found the spot quickly and I sank my teeth into his shoulder to prevent other noises. 

“Fuck, you are so wet.” 

“Your fault.” I whispered. 

My hands found the zipper of his pants and thank god he’d worn loose ones, I made quick work and no underwear for him either. 

“Seems your thoughts have been naughty too.” 

“The dresses fault.” 

As his fingers moved inside me it was getting harder to be as quiet as possible and I tried to maintain some consistency in my strokes, I felt the edges of the dress slide up more, but fuck I wanted more. When he slid down just a bit I didn’t need to ask, I just moved up and then down onto him. He felt bigger in this limited position or maybe it was just the thought of being caught. His hands massages my breast through the top, but he pulled me down and attached his lips to mine as he sped up. 

I could hear the noises from the movie but what I heard more was his breathing against my neck, the soft little noises, both of us trying desperately not to make much noise. His hands traveled over my sides and onto my ass where he was pushing me down harder, making it harder to stay quiet. I made up for that by just attaching my lips to his or onto his neck. It didn’t seem to last too long before both of us were coming, definitely a time to attach lips to each other. Prevent those noises, but then I just laid there, the movie was close to being done I guessed. 

“I should have come here sooner.” He said. 

“You could have just gone back to the hotel, would have had all day.” 

“I have all day tomorrow for that, this whole movie idea was fantastic.” 

I kissed him. “I love you. Especially when you’re being sappy.” 

He pulled me down for a much deeper kiss. “I love you, always. But the credits are about to run so the lights are about to come on.” 

I moved slightly which allowed him to quickly fix himself and he used a Kleenex to wipe the pants off. 

“You totally planned this.” 

I shimmied the dress back down into place and he pulled me in for a kiss. “Always wanted to try a theatre, no one in the world I’d risk going to jail for but you.” 

I gently punched his arm. “If that’s what you wanted you should have just said something, I would have worn something…less.” 

“No, that was fine.” 

I straighten his hair in the back as he walked down the steps after the credits played, he chose to go right back to the hotel, which was good because Kleenex hadn’t completely cleaned his pants so he needed to change. He just slipped boxers on and I didn’t stop him when he got the drawing pad. Instead I changed into a gown. 

“These are pretty dark Gabs, is everything 0kay?” 

“Yeah. Just what came out. Not sure why.” 

I really didn’t need him worrying over me or saying anything to fans. I could ignore them despite the sting their words held in them. The notifications I had were good thankfully, except Simon’s messages. But his I ignored anyway. Once he laid the drawing pad on the table I crawled into the bed and curled up beside him. 

“Tired now?” 

“I woke up at like 6. You’ve had me out all day.” 

“Not a problem, sleep is fine too. Mind if I just watch tv?” 

“Do I have to move?” 

“No.” 

“Then by all means, watch all the TV you want. Just don’t move.” 

He only moved a little to pull the blankets up and get a bit more settled before he pulled me close and I tried to watch the TV with him, but I only vaguely remember the first ten minutes and then I was out. 

[Seattle Museum of Art](http://www.seattleartmuseum.org/visit/seattle-art-museum%20)

[Chihuly Garden and Glass](http://www.chihulygardenandglass.com/)  
[Seattle Space Needle](http://www.spaceneedle.com/home/%20)

Gabby's Sweater Dress 


	8. Caked Tay

POV: Gabby

  

March 15, 2008 

Taylor’s birthday dinner had gone very well, everyone had dinner together and exchanged gifts and parted ways afterwards. I was rather glad because Zac had woke me up early, apparently theatre sex wasn’t enough for him, not that I minded. Nor did I mind last night just meant I was tired today. We’d checked out and were at the venue setting up. While the guys brought everything inside I used the wifi to check my e-mail, Abby had sent me a link and information about her college, but they didn’t have a program that was related to art, that or I just didn’t want to find it… 

Simon had sent several dozen pictures, ones I had seen before but I thought he burned them all when I moved in there, evidently he didn’t or he made copies or something. Of course he was only sending them to me now to prove what a whore I was. Odd that both he and Max hate one another, but agree on something. 

“Gabby! Running time!” Austin yelled. 

I closed the programs and went to the front, running time was with him and Carrick lately. I liked running time! It got me away. 

“Warm up.” He said. 

“Picky. Sure you don’t want to show me how too?” 

“That pretty ring on your finger tells me not to show you how it says ‘call Zac and ask him’ I am sure you remember how to warm up if not, call Zac. I don’t want the drummer pissed at me.” 

“I do remember.” 

Carrick joined us and we warmed up, but Carrick reminded him I couldn’t run fast, but that was fine because even if he ran ahead Carrick would stay with me. 

“Where you guys headed to?” Sierra asked. 

“Running, should be back in about an hour.” Austin said. 

“Kitten you’re going too?” 

“Yeah.” 

“When did you start running?” 

I pointed to them. “Last year.” 

“Oh.” 

We went out the side door and despite the nippy weather here the running was fine. Although the slight little pain wasn’t pleasant and when I considerably slowed Carrick did too and he ended up walking back with me. Once back I went to the front to hook wires up, all the instruments were there I just needed to attach wires. Zac and the other two were on the bus having lunch which Isaac had gotten. 

I heard her shoes on the floor long before her voice. “You want to tell me who Simon is?” 

I got up from the floor. “He’s no one.” 

I sat down at the drums and began to adjust. “He’s someone, he’s sending you dozens of e-mails a week.” 

I looked at her confused, wondering how she even knew his name, let along that he was sending me e-mails. 

“How do you know he is?” 

“I went to use your laptop to check my own e-mail, yours was up. Dozens of e-mails from him all asking with random pictures from back then. All of them calling you names. He’s obviously someone.” 

“It’s not any of your business. You should ask before you just use someone’s computer.” 

“Do I look stupid to you? Should I ask Zac who he is?” 

“Zac already knows. Just back off.” 

“Kitten, come on.” 

I ignored her, finished putting his set together and even played one or two just to make sure it sounded right. She kept babbling about who Simon was and why he was sending those pictures and why was he calling me a whore. I got up to walk away, I had no reason to tell her anything. Yet she grabbed my arm and spun me around, bringing me right against her. 

“Stop ignoring me Kitten, you know damn well I don’t back off.” 

“Stop calling me kitten. I’m not that whore anymore and I don’t care what you or anyone else thinks. Now let me go.” 

“No. You weren’t a whore then either Kitten. You never have been. What is going on?” 

I yanked my arm away and just ran, I passed Zac, Taylor and Carrick at the front door, getting through the fans there was a bit difficult but most moved and I just ran for it. At least until the really sharp pain stopped me, shooting and stabbing pain wasn’t a nice feeling. 

“Damn, find your husband with a blonde already?” 

I didn’t know that voice so I turned some, she was standing nearby with a Hanson shirt on, tight black jeans and yeah, bright blonde hair. 

“No. Did you?” I asked. 

“Honey I’ve already been with him. Couple times actually, pretty sure if I gave him a key he’d follow.” 

“No he wouldn’t.” 

“You sound so certain about that, but the look on your face betrays you Gabriella. Is he still a decent lover? I may have to give him a key.” 

“He wouldn’t come to the room, I mean we leave tonight to head to the next city. So, unless your hotel is right across the street he wouldn’t have time.” 

“The last time we had sex was behind the venue, it doesn’t have to be some hotel. Seriously, do you think you’re the only person he’s with sexually?” 

I felt hands on my shoulder and nearly screamed. “She isn’t the only person that believes he’s only with her. Trust me, if he even thinks about meeting you, I’ll beat him myself.” Carrick said. 

Where the hell had he come from? How had he found me? 

“Clearly it’s not him we should worry about.” 

I started to reply but Carrick’s hand tightened a bit and turned me headed back toward the venue. He was quiet for a bit. 

“They’re only jealous Gabriella, you know that.” 

Did I? He’d been so patient while I couldn’t, hardly ever wanted anything and again during the tour, yet according to everyone he couldn’t go that long. Carrick moved in front of me. 

“Gabby. You can’t believe her.” 

“I didn’t say I did.” 

“You didn’t deny it either. Come on, if he didn’t love you he would have filed for the annulment Gabby. You know that and so do I. He loves you, he’s not going to be that stupid and trust me in a committed relationship he’s the most faithful person ever.” 

“How do you even know?” 

“What? You think I fly home to Cali and he never talks to me? He told me about the marriage the next day, just asked me not to say anything to anyone. Why? Because like you he was scared and terrified. I pretended not to know but I did.” 

“Yeah, that his parents would be disappointed and upset.” 

“That was part of it, yes. But he was afraid that you regretted it, that you would file because he didn’t want too, two weeks was enough for him Gabby. He loves you and he won’t be following that blonde bitch anywhere, because if he even looks at her the wrong way I will stomp his ass myself.” 

“I’d pay to see that.” 

“Well, I didn’t say I wouldn’t need Austin to help. Ignore the fans Gabs, it’s what Stella and Nicole have to do.” 

“It’s not easy!” 

“Why not ask Stella when you two get him a cake.” 

“Cake? He had cake last night!” 

He just smiled. “There was some discussion between she and I about caking him on stage. Poor Zac gets it every year. I figured I’d send you for some weird vegan dinner and you guys could grab one.” 

“So evil to him…What kind of cake?” 

He just smiled and laughed. “Come on, Zac sent me after you because he knew he’d never make it past the fans.” 

“And you did?” 

“Ran out the back and ran like hell to catch up.” 

We came back in the back way too but it was close to the walk so I went to the front, knowing they’d be there. I couldn’t deny his arms around me felt good. 

“You flew by, is everything okay?” 

“Yeah. I just needed to get away.” 

He kissed my forehead. “You feel like walking today? Austin said you had to walk back.” 

“I’m okay if you don’t speed walk.” 

He smiled and they got ready, I kind of wanted to stay but I didn’t want any more confrontations with Sierra. 

“Where is Stella?” 

“She’s in the back. She had a conference call with her assistant manager.” 

“Ahh.” 

I went out behind them and stood near Zac, blondie was front and center. She’d even changed shirts to something much less, was she not freezing her ass off? Oh..Wait…she was counting on him to warm her up. Taylor did the talking and when Zac went across to get the picture she followed him, but I remained right near Isaac who looked at me confused. She was talking and all he was doing was nodding, Taylor cut out to lead and I followed but it didn’t take long before Zac was walking right behind me. 

At the mid-way point I hung back and he went with them, it wasn’t abnormal. It didn’t prevent them from talking about me even though I was standing ten feet away. I heard the same bullshit weight comments, same bullshit crap that he couldn’t say no. Blondie was close to him but he hadn’t paid her any attention at all. On the way back I remained behind him and I saw her put the key in his back pocket, saw the confused and stunned look too from him. 

My notification went off for twitter so I checked, it was a direct message from Sierra. 

_You really going to let blondie do that in front of us all? I know you saw her._

_How did you…?_

_Kitten I am ten feet behind you. YOU do something or I will._

I looked back and she waved, what the hell was her issue? Why couldn’t she back off too?! We made it back to the venue easily, I took up a spot beside Zac and Sierra moved somewhere behind me. Blondie was all smiles right in front of him, surely she didn’t think he would be joining her soon, or at all. Zac looked nervous and afraid even, like I could be pissed off at him for her actions. I felt the slight nudge, knew it was Sierra and I knew she wouldn’t relent. 

Fine. She wanted me to do something? I took the extra few steps beside him and he didn’t flinch when I reached into that same pocket and took the key card out. I waited until Taylor was done and they were about to head inside before I handed it to her. 

“He won’t need that. Enjoy the show.” 

She looked completely shocked but I turned and went inside. 

“You aren’t pissed off?” Zac asked. 

“At you, no. I mean, unless you wanted that keycard in which case yes I’ll be very pissed off.” 

“No, I was going to throw it away actually. I just..when you got it I wondered if you were upset.” 

“If she hadn’t taken it out I was going too. Disrespectful bitch.” Sierra said. 

Zac blinked and I didn’t say anything, I wasn’t entirely sure she would have done that..but then again, it was possible. 

“I’m going to find Stella, I’m getting hungry. Want me to bring dinner back?” 

“Yes!” everyone said. 

I got orders and found her in the back just hanging up. 

“Ready to get dinner orders? Carrick has me going across town to this Vegan place.” 

She smiled. “Ditto. I am starving.” 

It wouldn’t take us that long really but we left and headed across town. I was enjoying the break really. 

“So, I know it’s none of my business but I’ve noticed that comments toward you are pretty nasty. Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I’ve seen a few. I figured it was some passage of right or something, let me degrade you and dehumanize you so I’ll feel better about not being with them.” 

She laughed. “Haven’t heard it put that way but sure, that’s about the premise. You have to ignore them. It was bad the first like 5 months with Taylor, they went after everything I had ever done in life. I was boring for working at the bookstore, I was plain, I gained 5 pounds and I was pregnant. Lost 5 and I was bulimic. It was horrible. Then they realized he wasn’t paying them any attention.” 

I paused at the red light. “Just glad no one knows anything about my past.” 

“Be prepared Gabs, they will eventually.” 

“My past is not that great.” 

“Doesn’t matter to them. It shouldn’t to you either, come on Gabs Zac loves you and we all know it. He didn’t care about your past, neither should you.” 

“So this cake…” 

She smiled. “Uh huh, the ‘let’s change the subject’ line. Seriously, there just mad and jealous Gabs. It’s nothing more than that. Eventually they will realize it’s not bothering either of you and it’s not going to cause a break up. Once they do, they’ll move on. Concerning the cake, I want just simple.” 

“I guess I’m not use to fans being this insanely jealous. I mean, Simon had groupies and stuff but none of them ever hated me.” 

“There are a handful of the crazy ones, but there are a shit ton more of the ones that will hate you for a while and then warm up. They’ll realize he’s happy with you and they’ll be happy for him. It’s getting past those crazy ones that’s hard.” 

“No kidding.” 

“So…about Sierra. I hear you knew her.” 

“Yeah, when I toured with Twisted Metal she was the lead singer.” 

“Taylor mentioned there was a lot of tension between the two of you.” 

“Sure you want a simple cake? I’m thinking frozen solid…Sierra and I at one point were more than friends. We’ve had sex before, with Newton present.” 

“Why the tension then?” 

“She just thinks I’m the same person I guess. I’ve grown up a lot in seven years.” 

“Or maybe she just wants that person back? Were there real feelings there?” 

“No.” 

It couldn’t technically be a lie, Sierra and I had never mentioned loving anything but the sex, which was brag worthy. Stella remained quiet until we reached the bakery. 

“No ice cream cake.” 

“Boo.” I said. 

She smiled and we went inside and she chose a very simple vanilla cake with vanilla icing, something small and inexpensive. We both knew it wouldn’t be eaten anyway. I spotted the ice cream cupcake and when I looked at her she smiled. 

“We’ll take two of those also, for here.” 

The cashier smiled back and after paying we sat down to eat them there. Despite the colder weather the ice cream was awesome. It came close to Dairy Queen’s ice cream cakes only this was far better. I was almost done when the ping occurred and I checked. A message for me on twitter so I opened it, figuring it was Sierra or something. Stella laid her hand on my arm after I stared at the phone until the screen went black. 

“Gabby?” 

I unlocked and turned it around. “Guess I’m eating because I know he’s cheating.” 

The picture was us both, sitting right here enjoying our ice creams. The message asked if I knew he was cheating and that was why I was drowning my sorrow in ice cream. 

She shook her head. “Ignore them.” 

“I’m thinking about privatizing everything.” 

“You could, I did because damn they are ruthless at times.” 

Although when I checked again there was a message that was from Sierra’s…I blinked. 

_I think you bitches need to back the fuck off. He ain’t fucking anyone but her and so what if she enjoys some ice cream with a friend? You just jealous she gets to fuck him whenever she wants._

Stella must have been notified too. “Oh wow…least she has the guts to say it..but wow.” 

“That’s Sierra for you.” 

I had almost forgotten how ruthless she was toward people but maybe it would do some good. We went ahead and left, got them dinner and made it back in time for them to eat and enjoy dinner. Sierra just stared at me, like I should know what to do or that I should say something. I know I should talk to her but I didn’t want too. What would I have to say? 

Taylor was clueless about the cake that was waiting for him, which was exactly how we wanted it! 

“Hey baby, would it be okay if I got pictures of the show from like in front of the barrier?” I asked. 

“Uh Yeah, you have passes for that.” 

He of course knew why but I did go out there when Everybody Else was playing, I hadn’t really seen her play the drums in a while, she mostly sang back then. Although she had taught me a bit about them. I think I got way more of her than anyone else and I swore that maybe she watched me the whole time. I ignored the remarks behind me, but just the day’s stress combined with the tour was enough really. When I felt someone yank on my hair I turned sharply. The same blonde bitch. 

“You afraid he’s going to take my key card back?” 

A deep down feeling said I should just hit her. It’s after all what Sierra would have known me to do. I was certain that the friends with her wanted that reaction though, I could see the cameras and phones primed and ready. 

“Nope. I’m here to get pictures.” 

“You sure took a lot of that drummer. Same little bitch that defended you on twitter. I’m not jealous of you, because I know he’s not faithful. His ex told me so. But hey if you want to live in your own fantasy world, by all means. I’m sure he’ll sign stuff tonight and I’ll give it to him then.” 

“Good luck.” 

I moved away and waited, being this close to the stage during a show was amazing really. The end of the show was coming and Zac made the weird call to do an acapella song for the encore, put him standing right in front of me. He chose Need You Now and I think he sang to me. But, I didn’t miss when Stella, Carrick, and Austin came on stage carrying the cake. Didn’t miss when Taylor took the cake right to the face! It was hilarious. They threw some out into the audience too and my twisted luck blondie would catch some of it. I didn’t even know she moved until she yanked my hair and then smashed it into my face. I wasn’t entirely sure the laughter was directed at Taylor and the boys anymore. I pretty much felt it was directed right at me. 

“Gabby!” Zac called. 

I turned slowly to find him kneeling on the stage, there was no way I could jump that high and I damn sure didn’t want to be pulled up, I just ran down the edge to the side where the stairs were and I went to the bathroom to wash the cake and icing off my face. I really wanted to call Max, he’d know the right words to say but that wasn’t an option and Abigail would be asleep. 

When I looked up she was standing behind me, leaned against the wall. Her hair was wet and she had put on tight black pants and a tight Twisted Metal shirt. She didn’t say anything just walked out of the bathroom. When I came out Zac was standing there. 

“Are you okay? In her words, Sierra said the blonde fucking bitch hit you with cake.” 

“She didn’t hit me, she just slammed it into my face.” 

“Same thing Gabriella. Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine. It’s cake not bricks. Although, the icing up my nose wasn’t pleasant.” 

“I was going to help you on stage, but you ran.” 

“It was too high for me to jump, it’s okay.” 

He pulled me in for a tight hug. God that felt so good. 

“You going to help them load up?” 

“Yeah, I took my things to the bus before EBE went on.” 

“Okay.” 

I knew they’d shower so I went to help where I could. The many trips I took showed her there in the crowd just waiting. Taylor and Isaac came out not long after showers, began to sign autographs and take pictures with fans. Stella came out with me near the end and headed to the bus. Her flight left Monday from Oregon, Carrick and Austin came out and signed stuff but Zac was inside still. I heard the phone but didn’t check it, but wondered why some of the fans seemed to point and stare my last trip. I locked up and went back inside. 

“Baby? Are you not signing autographs?” 

“No.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because I saw the twitter post made to your account about you eating ice cream because you were drowning sorrows. I also saw the newer one where you look like you’re about to cry with cake all over your face.” 

I hadn’t even seen that one… “But they’re fans.” 

“I retweeted the last one and said I wouldn’t come out due to the disrespect that a few showed.” 

“But…” 

“No buts Gabriella. You are my wife, if they can’t respect that then why should I stand in the freezing ass cold to sign my name for them? I am sure I know which one it is too, the blonde girl that gave me the key.” 

It explained their pointing and staring and I tried to talk him into signing or doing something but he refused, so we got his bags and he walked with me to the bus. Despite the calls of his name, he ignored them all and got on the bus. When Taylor and Isaac asked, they said he should have told them and they wouldn’t have. Sierra congratulated him and I just kept quiet. After an hour I went to bed, maybe I just needed sleep to feel better.


	9. 20 Questions

POV: Gabby

  

April 6, 2008 

Sierra had not known about Shawn, so when he showed up at Cain’s the first, she swore it was a April’s fool’s joke. She was shocked to realize it wasn’t a joke. Shawn and Grace came to the Tulsa show and Kansas City it was nice to have my big brother there and to see him and enjoy his company. Yet, as good as it was for him to be there, it didn’t stop everything else, just gave me a chance to ignore it. 

Simon had increased his text message, which included the customary come back to me and promises, but it was clear he was realizing that wouldn’t happen, because at the first of April the pictures of his cock became pictures of him having sex with someone. E-mail wise he was up to our times, over the weekend I’d gotten the ones from that January, it sucked to see those again. 

Zac hadn’t just skipped Seattle, he skipped Oregon for the same reason. But I told him in Nevada it didn’t matter what two or three said, he didn’t need to punish the other forty waiting to see him. Yet, I was still blamed for the two he didn’t attend and I had tried to get him to go out. Instead of decreasing the amount of negative message they increased, fans that didn’t care before now did. I had eventually turned off the notifications for Twitter and Instagram because it was constantly going off. 

We’d arrived in Des Moines, Iowa early and I was ready when Carrick and Austin prepared to run. I wanted to run so everything would be pointless. 

“Gabs.” Carrick said. 

“Don’t even argue.” 

“The last two times you’ve had to walk back, I think you should relax.” Austin said. 

“You guys go ahead, I’ll run with her.” Zac said. 

I hadn’t even known he’d gotten up but Carrick and Austin high tailed it and I waited on Zac instead. 

“You really want to run?” 

“I do it sometimes, I just don’t always have time.” 

He chose a path for us and we headed out, Zac didn’t run as fast as the other two though but it didn’t matter, I at least made it three-quarters of the way before the nagging pain forced me to stop. It was the same side and same location, which was the right side. It took both of us time to be able to breathe well enough to talk. 

“Baby, I think you need to stop running until you see the doctor again.” 

“Saw him the second, he said everything was fine. There didn’t seem to be any problems I even mentioned the pain.” 

“Did he say anything about it?” 

“No. Told me to maintain whatever I was doing. Upped me to 25 pounds on the arm and that was it.” 

“Maybe you should do walks instead of runs then, when we get back we’ll get you to a primary.” 

“With what? You do know they charge for visits.” 

“Yeah, a co-pay. I added you to my plan Gabby. You’re covered, you’ll see someone when we get home.” 

When had he done that? Why didn’t I know about it?! Come to think of it, I hadn’t even seen a bill from the hospital. Had he taken that too? We walked back to the bus, which was parked near the venue. By the time we got back the others were back too and I sat in the front, the walk back had eased it but it sucked either way. 

Isaac was sitting at his laptop, probably doing tour related paper work or something, I wasn’t even sure anymore. I didn’t even ask but Zac sat a plate in front of me a few minutes later. I knew I couldn’t ignore the plate especially when he sat down beside me, trapping me at the table. 

“Whatcha up to Ike?” 

“Checking the site, uploading some of her pictures from Seattle too. Taylor approved of course. Checking messages and e-mail. Nicole is wedding planning, she wanted to give us time to truly plan. She’s is thinking dates so she’s been tossing out a few and a reason.” 

“Any hopefuls?” 

“Well, she excluded birthdays of family members but we were kind of thinking about the date of our first date.” 

“When was that?” I asked. 

“June 8 th.” 

“Could be a good time for a summery wedding, outdoors or the beach, or something warm.” 

“She did mention kind of wanting something outside, we both have a fairly decent size family.” 

“She has no brothers or sisters does she?” I asked. 

“No. Nicole is an only child, but she has a ton of cousins.” 

I didn’t know if Shawn and I had cousins, to my knowledge we only had one another. I’d also not met any of their aunts or uncles, most lived in the city. Although, they all knew Zac was married now. 

“What’s the topic here?” Tay asked. 

“Weddings.” Zac chirped. 

“Uh…maybe I should go back to bed.” 

“Why? You don’t ever plan to ask Stella?” I asked. 

“I did not say that!” 

“Maybe sooner than she expects, since you were looking at engagement rings last week.” Isaac said. 

“Looking, I didn’t buy anything.” 

“Would you want a summer wedding?” I asked. 

“Not unless we’re inside someplace. I think she mentioned wanting something in the fall, like August or September, maybe even October.” 

“So, are you looking?” Zac asked. 

He shimmied in sliding Isaac into the corner with his entire little set up, Ike looked a little perturbed but nothing he didn’t really mind. 

“Looking, yes. I just haven’t decided when to ask. I can’t do Christmas or New Years now.” 

“Sorry.” Ike and Zac said. 

“Her birthday.” I said. 

“What about it?” 

“Are you sure brown is your natural color? Oh..Wait..you were blonde for a long time. Ask her on her birthday, do a romantic dinner and forget the parties. Make it about her.” 

“Yet you never thought to tell me?” Zac asked. 

I picked at the fruit he’d put in front of me. “She and I talked about it and she said she didn’t think she wanted anything spectacular like ballpark lights and banners. She wasn’t sure if he would be asking but when I asked what she always wanted that’s what she told me. Not really her birthday, but a nice dinner and something personal.” 

“Why couldn’t you meet her before Zac?” Ike asked. 

“Because you two hired guys?” 

“Surely you could have found her some other way.” Isaac said. 

“Sure, have you heard Simon’s band?” He asked. 

“No.” They said. 

He spent four minutes actually playing a video and Isaac and Taylor both cringed. 

I picked at fruit until I’d actually eaten the whole plate, which wasn’t even my intention. They continued to talk back and forth, moving from potential wedding plans for Isaac to updates to the blog, to possible song ideas. I wondered if after two hours they forgot I was even sitting here. I just leaned back and checked the phone, didn’t shock me there were photos tagged of us running this morning. Didn’t shock me either that everyone agreed I should run and he shouldn’t. Apparently he was just there to make me run because he knew I needed too also. I no longer seen Abigail respond to any of them, of course the last time she did they went after her too. Can’t blame her. 

A message from Simon came in and since I couldn’t do anything else I opened it. 

_Running? Well, I must say I never thought you needed too. But, then again it does look like you gained a shit ton of weight._

I deleted it without replying and erased the notifications too, why bother? The entire day was spent just being lazy as fuck on the bus. We left for dinner and that’s about it. Most of the day I spent trapped in the corner listening to them, when they did move I was pulled into a campaign on Call of Duty, I was getting quite good on that game because it did let me take out some frustration. I tried drawing that afternoon and it just wasn’t coming out like I wanted. When I just let go I ended up with another nude one of Sierra or something of her face. I actually laid down early only to really stare at the ceiling. 

**April 12, 2008: Madison, WI**

This was the 4 th show since Sunday. I was helping more but still maintaining the 25 pound limit, but I could assist in the set up and break down more than I could before, which greatly helped cure the boredom and reduced my time on computers and phones. I was sitting at the drums finishing up when Sierra walked across the stage. I found myself watching her cross the stage and even back. 

“You use to take pictures.” She said. 

I didn’t say anything, I use to do a lot of things differently. I went back to the little screws but then I felt hands on my shoulders. 

“So tense Kitten. Surely Zac is taking good care of you.” 

“Tense doesn’t always mean lack of sex.” 

Her fingers felt quite good there on my shoulders, was kind of easing the mild headache I had. 

“Are you running today?” 

“I doubt it, Carrick and Austin cut out way early and I couldn’t.” 

“Walking then for sure?” 

“Always.” 

“Don’t think I will today.” 

I moved away some and fixed one of the hinges, she took the hint and left me alone. When I finished I actually played, I was clear for that which also told me to make some minor adjustment. By the time everything was set up it was close to the walk so I changed shirts and met them in the front, I saw the route and knew where they were headed before we went out. I moved away from them though, trying to distance myself so it didn’t feel like I was just walking to watch Zac. I even let everyone leave first and followed the last several fans. 

“You don’t seem worried letting him wonder amongst the girls.” 

I turned my head some, brunette girl with a group of others, maybe five or six girls all brunettes. 

“I have no need to worry.” 

Really, it was still cold, most everyone walking had jackets and long sleeve, turtle necks and pants. Even I had my jacket on and so did the boys. Unless they flashed him or some shit what was he going to see? 

“Did he really take that girl back in Iowa?” 

“No. She gave him a card but he threw it away.” 

“Are you sure about that?” 

“Yes. I watched him.” 

I moved forward some, trying to get away from them. I rather liked when no one talked to me. But they followed and her friends kind of blocked my path back. 

“You watched him? Sounds kinky. Do you watch him like you watched your exes?” 

I looked at her totally confused. “What are you talking about?” 

“James told a fan in Tulsa that you liked to watch him jack off, do you still do that? Have you watched Zac?” 

James? It took way to long for me to remember anyone by that name and then it came to me, James was an ex one that I was around shortly after coming back from tour with Newton. 

“What I do or don’t do in the bedroom is really none of your business.” 

“Have you watched him?” 

“Again, it’s none of your business.” 

“I’d bet she has, probably watched with some of the women he’d been with recently too.” 

I didn’t bother to reply to that, it wasn’t her business or anyone’s really. We paused for the talk and they kept on, speculating what I did do. I was trying my damnedest to be like Stella and Nicole, nice to them all. To ignore every word they spoke that irritated me. Yet, they kept on. 

“Is he really that big? I mean we’ve heard girls talk but we figured it was just talk.” 

“Come on Gabriella, we know you want to talk. Just tell us that.” 

“Did you enjoy the cake to your face? I mean you looked like you were going to cry.” 

I took a deep breath and dug my nails into my arm. I could not hit them, that wasn’t me anymore. I was so glad the middle walk speech ended and we began to walk again, I tried to get away from them, but they just followed me and kept on. I increased my speed but the hill we went up was brutal and my right side started to cramp up a quarter of the way. I wasn’t going to slow down, they would just keep on asking me questions. Ones I wouldn’t be answering. Yet by the halfway point the mild pain was getting much worse. 

“What’s the matter? So out of shape you can’t even make the hill?” 

“You know that’s true Flora, how many photos of her eating are there out there?” 

I kept walking I could see Taylor’s head in front of me if I could reach him then he could get them to shut up. Flora was the one talking the most apparently, but just over three quarters I had to stop, the mild pain was sharp and despite the cold weather I was sweating badly. It really wasn’t normal. 

“What’s the matter Gabs? Can’t keep up? Should maybe lay off the donuts and ice cream.” 

I leaned against the fence, I felt her turn me around and that was before multi-colored hair was in my face, bright blue and blonde and I felt the relief. 

“Like you have any fucking room to talk about ice cream and donuts? Bitch please, she is fucking perfect compared to you. You need to keep on walking.” 

“Sierra.” I said. 

She didn’t even turn around, Flora said something I didn’t catch and before I could stop her Sierra had slapped her. That shut her and the friends up, also caused a ripple effect. No! That’s not what I wanted! Yet, no one stopped walking, Flora looked flushed and I could no longer hear what they were saying for the sound of my own heart beat pounding in my ears. But I saw them scurry away to catch up. 

“Kitten?” 

“I’m fine.” 

“You are sweating profusely and your face is very red. Something is wrong.” 

“My side is hurting, same place the fucker stabbed me at.” 

“Come on, we’ll take a short cut and get you off the damn hill.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“Don’t argue with me. I’m fairly certain you haven’t told Zac about those e-mails and you really don’t want me to tell him. So, walk your ass with me.” 

“Why don’t you mind your own business? I’m not with you Sierra. I’m not your kitten. I’m not anyone’s kitten! Just stop. I don’t need a defender and I don’t need someone to take care of me all the fucking time. When I did need that no one was there. I can find my own fucking way back.” 

I turned up the hill, without them I could just take it slower. 

“Stop being so fucking stubborn. Goddamn, that’s what Newton meant by that.” 

“Newton didn’t fucking mean anything. Just another play toy to him.” 

“He loved you.” 

“He loved me enough to marry the bitch he cheated on me with, enough to lie to me about it.” 

I wasn’t quite aiming to catch up to the group and I know she was behind me, I could hear her heels on the pavement. I didn’t bother with the front door, I went to the bus where I had something to take for the pain. I’d taken the Tylenol and sat down in the front and had ten minutes before Zac came onto the bus. 

“Gabby? Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” 

“Sierra said a group of fans were bothering you?” 

Fuck, could I just slap her and shut her up? She didn’t have to run and tell him everything they did! 

“They were just asking questions, ones I’m not answering.” 

Him kneeling in front of me was new. “What questions?” 

“They just want to know sex stuff, they’re not getting answers. She over reacted and I’m sure she slapped one.” 

“She did. Carrick and Austin are dealing with that. Is your side still bothering you? Just walking?” 

“I was speed walking and I got too hot. I’m fine.” 

“Maybe you should back off the walks until you see a doctor.” 

“You just want me to what? Do nothing?” 

“I didn’t say that, just maybe you are overdoing it. Baby you got stabbed, twice. It could be something else and obviously it’s getting worse the more you do. It only bothers you when you run and walk fast, maybe it’s the movement. I’d rather not make this worse before you see a doctor.” 

“But..” 

“No buts Gabby. Your health comes before these walks. I know you do it for the cause and not to watch me. Yeah I know what they think you are doing, but I know why. When we get home we can get you in to see a doctor.” 

“Okay.” 

“Are you okay now?” 

“Yeah, the Tylenol is kicking in.” 

“You want to hang out here on the bus? I’ll bring dinner to you.” 

“I’m fine, I’ll go back inside.” 

He shimmied himself forward until I had to move my legs out so he could get closer to me. He pulled me to him and kissed me. 

“Fans are curious Gabby, they want to know every detail. I’m sure Stella and Nicole have encountered the same things. If they go too far, then let me know. I don’t answer the questions either. Just don’t let them bother you, if you have to call me. I don’t have a problem telling them they’ve overstepped it. Our fans know our private lives are private.” 

I just laid my head on his shoulder, I wasn’t really use to someone caring to this extent. I was about to tell him about the e-mails, constant twitter and Instagram messages but Isaac came on and called him for sound check. So, instead I followed him inside and just watched from the sideline. It was easier to not stress them out about things. The show went great, no hiccups and packing up that night went well. He went out to sign but I limited my trips to the trailer, wondering if maybe I was overdoing things. Once the trailer was loaded and everything was back on the bus we got on, they came in about thirty minutes after us and we headed to Green Bay, another short trip but it was good to travel. Sierra didn’t say anything to me and looked rather pissed, I had no idea what they’d done for her hitting the girl. I went to bed early but when I determined I wasn’t going to sleep I got down in Zac’s bunk, he was still awake but the pillows and blankets smelled like him. When my phone buzzed I was confused but picked it up anyway. 

**_Want company?_ **

I smiled. _Yes. Please._

I heard him declare he was tired and going to bed. A few minutes later he was joining me. I really didn’t mind the very close quarters of these bunks, it was pleasant. 

“Good night Gabriella.” 

I should tell him but I was just too tired and sleepy and being held was a good feeling that sleep took over far too soon. 


	10. The Warning

POV: Zac

  

April 15, 2008: Indianapolis, IN 

I was sitting in the back looking through Gabby’s drawing pad, she was still asleep but should be up soon. It wasn’t the one that had a dozen of me naked but I was kind of disturbed by the amount of naked Sierra ones there were. Even if she wasn’t nude in a lot of them, her face dominated many of the pages. That is the ones that weren’t nearly solid black. The wires confused me but the ones farther on were getting worse. I knew I shouldn’t snoop or be nosey but I could feel something was wrong. I snapped a picture of her last one, done last night and sent it to Abigail. 

_Is this what her artwork looked liked after Shawn left?_

Abigail was the only one she knew that had seen her drawing before and after Shawn, it shouldn’t be Shawn though. He wasn’t gone and he was still talking to her, e-mailing, and texting. He’d actually found some baby pictures of her, I suspected ones their parents had but he’d never shown before. 

**_Is that recent?_ **

_Yeah, she drew it last night. There are several that are this way._

**_Is she sad? Down? Stressed?_ **

_Not that I am aware of, I know we’ve had some fan issues the last few weeks._

**_Well…the feet symbols and darkness would imply she’s stressing over that. Is there anything else going on?_ **

_She hasn’t mentioned anything to me. You?_

**_No. She asked me how Max was, but I don’t really talk with him much anymore._ **

_Could this be Max related? Feeling bad or upset over him?_

**_Maybe. Could feel like he’s walking out of her life or something. She didn’t draw many after Shawn left, when she stopped she just got very withdrawn. She starts to do that you call me and I’ll fly wherever the hell you are._ **

_Why?_

**_The last time she withdrew herself was when Max left. She was fine for a short period of time and then she went fucking insane. She went to alcohol, drugs, sex, parties, it wasn’t pleasant._ **

_Well, I won’t let that happen. Was just curious if this was a sign. Guess my gut reaction of something being wrong isn’t off. Thanks._

**_No problem. But, Zac you shouldn’t just assume. She’s handled stress before and I am sure in different ways. Who knows, she may revert to sex. Have a good AM. I’ve got class – bye!_ **

She hadn’t reverted to sex, just being very clingy. Not that I terribly minded that she was pretty much always around. I sat back and reflected on those of Sierra, it didn’t much care that some were nude, but some of them were like her eyes, those were done in color which were perfect reflections of her eye color, meaning Gabriella knew them well. Unfortunately, they hadn’t much talked since the walk where she slapped that girl. What was tense before, was almost unbearable now. 

“Morning Z.” Carrick said. 

“Morning.” 

“Gabs?” 

“Asleep.” 

“I know she’s asleep silly, I meant the tablet in your lap.” 

“Yeah, was seeing what she drew last night.” 

“Something dark I know, I think she used half a black pencil.” 

I turned it around and he looked confused. 

“That the same person that drew the vibrate red dragon?” 

“Yeah, several are like this. Among Sierra’s drawings which I can’t show you for reasons I’d rather not say.” 

“Because she’s naked? Sierra mentioned there being one.” 

“There’s more than one.” 

He sat down and I closed the tablet. Carrick had hung out with her a lot before we got together and really no one else on the bus really knew much about us. But, he did. 

“I feel like she’s keeping something from me.” 

“She’s keeping something from all of us. Did you notice she’s not like enjoying the candy like before?” 

“Yeah, she didn’t even ask for chocolate last month or this month.” 

He looked momentarily confused before he made the connection. “Is that not normal?” 

“She’s asked for or gotten Dove or Hershey’s every month that I’ve known about them. Which I’m rather sad to say I know when to expect that.” 

He laughed. “Most husbands do.” 

“Hey, I’m still new at this husband stuff.” 

“You’re doing good though. How many hotel keys have you thrown away?” 

“Only one, Gabby returned one herself. The others I was able to block or they didn’t try. But, what does that have to do with feeling like she’s hiding things from me?” 

“The fact that you’ve detected there is a problem is a good sign Zac. It could just be stress. Has Simon backed off?” 

“No. He still sends her messages and I have no idea how he got the number. It’s not even listed under her name, it’s under mine.” 

“But didn’t you add her name to the account?” 

“Yeah, but the number itself is listed under me. She’s on the account to make changes if needed. But, I mean the number doesn’t show up under her name. It’s not in a phone book. I even removed it from the tour listings. It’s how he got it last year.” 

“She didn’t give it to him?” 

“No.” 

“Maybe he’s just stressing her out, do you see the messages?” 

“I see them sometimes, the last few weeks have been pictures of him having sex with someone, not her. It’s odd, it’s baby I love you come back but here’s a picture of me having sex with someone else.” 

He giggled. “I don’t see her being swayed.” 

“She’s not. But, I just feel like something is up and I don’t know what. She’s avoids Sierra like the plague but draws her non-stop. They talk but not near enough.” 

He fiddled with his shirt and I raised an eyebrow. “Carrick, what do you know?” 

“When Austin and I asked her why she hit the girl she said because they were bombarding her with questions about you and your sex lives and her weight. Because she stopped they didn’t think she could make it up the hill. She said she followed behind her hidden from view until she stopped.” 

“Her weight?” I asked. 

“Yeah, she said the girl basically called her a fat slob and that’s when she slapped her. She thinks Gabby didn’t even hear it. From her description of how she found her it wasn’t just mild pain. She said she was sweating, her face was flushed, and she was clearly hurting.” 

“She said her side was hurting pretty badly.” 

“Yeah. Any idea on that?” 

“No. I told her when we get home she’ll see a doctor. I need to find her a primary anyway.” 

He raised his eyebrow. “Why not let her?” 

“I know about every doctor in town.” 

“But a doctor should be someone she chooses Zac, it’s her they see not you. She may feel better with a female doctor. I’d give her the list and your recommendation, but let her chose. I know you want to be the perfect husband who takes care of everything but she’s not use to that. Really, look at Max, he did the same thing.” 

“I’m not calling her a whore to her face or hitting her.” 

“True, but still. She’s not a baby or a child, she’s older than you actually. She’s not use to men just being nice and wanting to care.” 

“No kidding.” 

Isaac came in yawning and Taylor followed with coffee and our conversation rather died. But when Austin came in I knew something was up. 

“Your lovely wife just went for a jog, she was dressed warmly and Andrew went with her to make sure she didn’t over do it.” 

“I asked her not too until she saw a doctor.” 

“She said her back was hurting some, she cut the mile to just half. So, she is taking it easier.” 

I wished she’d listen but I really hadn’t asked, I’d more a less told. If she was cutting back and taking someone with her was responsible then I couldn’t complain. I know being cooped up on the bus is a drag and running or walking is a nice way to work out the kinks. Added, she’d been sleeping with me in the same bunk and that didn’t allow either of us a lot of movement. 

“She got out of your bunk, did you two switch?” 

“No. She’s been climbing down to mine. I guess she feels safer or more comfortable?” 

“Please tell me you’re at least staying dressed.” Isaac said. 

“Yes, Isaac we are.” 

“Good.” 

I wouldn’t tell him about the times we hadn’t, he would probably have a heart attack. Taylor would too for that matter. We all got better woke up and figured out where breakfast would be and what the plan was for the day. Gabby and Andrew got back sooner than I expected, meaning they had stuck to a short route. Everyone got breakfast together today and then we unloaded the trailer. 

I didn’t want to stalk Gabriella or anything but I had been paying more attention, she was following the weight rules for her arm, although I noticed over the last few weeks she doesn’t check her phone as much, doesn’t really talk to anyone. As she set up the drums I made the decision and then found my brothers. 

“What’s up Zac?” 

“I’m not walking today. Instead I think I’d like to take Gabby to a diner or something.” 

They both exchanged looks. “Okay, that might be good actually. She’s been acting kind of funny. Stella mentioned some fans commenting on her weight.” 

“Yeah. I just think it’ll be easier to get away for a bit. I’ll be back for sound check, but I’m stealing her now.” 

“Not a problem. There were fans near the back, take the side door.” 

“Thanks Tay.” 

I found her sitting at the drums, staring at her phone and the look on her face was so sad. I wondered what it was but I also didn’t want to push her too much. Maybe I was with the doctor thing. I saw Sierra approach her and say something but Gabby shook her head, I couldn’t hear the conversation well so I eased a bit closer. 

“You aren’t fat. Fuck what the bitch said. You are fucking perfect and I am sure Zac agrees with me. There fucking with you. If you’ll be the Kitten I knew seven years ago they will stop this bullshit.” 

“I’m not that person Sierra, you need to stop telling me to be that.” 

“The question is why aren’t you?” 

“You’d never understand. Perfect California life.” 

“Please. My life has been anything but perfect. Really Kitten, if it was perfect you’d have never left it.” 

She then walked away and it really didn’t improve her look. I let her know I was here by intentionally kicking the chair. It was better than scaring her. 

“Want to head out for lunch? You and me.” 

“The walk is in like 45 minutes, we don’t have time to get anywhere and get back.” 

“I told Taylor and Isaac I wasn’t going to walk today.” 

“You aren’t missing today either, it’s your purpose Zac. You guys need to all be there.” 

I hadn’t expected her to reject the idea! I walked over and standing on the ground she was perfect to lean my head against, even better when she spun around. I would never complain about being able to use her breasts as a pillow. 

“Please?” 

“You don’t have time.” 

“There is a subway right up the street, we can go there and we can join as they walk by. If we leave now we can make it. We’ll be walking right by. You know you want to go.” 

“I’m…” 

“You didn’t eat this morning and you haven’t slowed down. Come on.” 

Yep, acknowledging that I knew she wasn’t always eating right motivated her to follow me. I sent Taylor a text and we then left. There were fans at the Subway, I knew there would be. I wanted to see what she’d do. After eyeing the menu for the entire wait time she had no idea what to get so I ordered for us both. 

“You trying to put me in a food coma?” She asked. 

“No, we will realistically have time to eat a 6 inch sub and chips. The cookies are a plus.” 

We sat down in the back and she put her back to everyone. I was rather use to people taking pictures of me eating but when the girl raised her camera I shook my head and she stared wide eyed at me. 

I leaned over a bit, looking at her. “Maybe during the walk, but not right now.” 

Her hand slowly lowered but Gabby sighed. “You don’t have to stop them.” 

“I have every right to enjoy lunch with my wife without being bombarded with photos. Now, stop worrying and eat lunch.” 

It at least improved it but she didn’t say anything about why Sierra mentioned that. 

“Do you want to fly Shawn out for his birthday?” 

“He can’t get off to go, I already asked him. He said we’d get together once we’re home and we can do something. Grace is working too, so they’ll both be at the hospital.” 

“I am sure you don’t want to fly Max out.” 

“I haven’t talked to him at all in a month and a half. So, I guess he’s pretty much done with me.” 

“That’s his loss then.” 

She shrugged. “Abigail talks to him but they aren’t dating right now. She is uncertain of their future because of what he did when she was there. She um, didn’t appreciate it and he explained that he liked the polygamist lifestyle. She is thinking on it. But, Abigail has always been a one man girl, I don’t see her sharing.” 

“I’m not sharing either, so he’s got a problem with wanting you both.” 

She ate one of the chips. “He walked away when I was 16, I wouldn’t go back even if we weren’t married.” 

She seemed to be talking well, so I pushed it a bit. 

“Haven’t been notified of you tweeting, did you give up?” 

“No. Just don’t have time.” 

“Maybe I should tweet lunch.” 

“After telling that girl no, you now want too? Come on, give me a break here shutterbug. I’m going to be blinded on the walk.” 

I smiled and we finished eating about the time Taylor texted to say they’d be heading out soon. I’d even made sure she’d eaten that damn cookie. We met them outside and joined the crowd. But instead of leaving her alone I kept her right beside me. I’d about dare anyone of them to make a remark about her weight with me here. We reached the midway point and I kept her beside me, yep there would be dozens of her with me. Walking back I got her hand, I didn’t want her to wonder but I also minded she couldn’t walk fast, so it slowed me to the rear of the crowd. No one said a word to her the entire walk, but I didn’t hear her speaking either. 

When the walk was over we were in the crowd when Carrick and the others took the stage to sound check. I saw Gabriella watching them, but her eyes seemed glued to one person, Sierra. I knew nothing about their relationship beyond they’d had sex. Of which, I had no information on what they’d done or not done, there were no pictures and the only one I knew of was the one of Gabby in her lap. She watched until I headed to the back, yet I was quite use to pulling her into bathrooms, it was quite odd for her to do that to me! 

“This is…” 

I never got to finish that sentence before her lips shut me up. Everything happened very quickly, she managed to get both of us out of our pants in what felt like seconds, I nearly fell into the shower when she pushed me to the toilet seat. I wasn’t even sure what came over her but it was well after we’d came when I found the ability to speak again. 

“What the hell?” 

She tossed me my pants and underwear. “What?” 

“Am I dreaming?” 

She smiled and then settled back down in my lap. “No, you’re awake. I’m sure of it.” 

“This was…unexpected? Don’t I usually drag you into the bathrooms?” 

“Nothing stops me from doing the same to you, although…Taylor did knock and I told him to go away. Think they may want you for sound check.” 

She kissed me again and then she was out of the room, I was still half dressed wondering what the hell happened. Was still sitting here when Taylor knocked. 

“Does she need to come tell you how to redress?” 

“Funny.” 

I finally got dressed and joined them. “Fuck Zac, your hair’s a mess.” Ike said. 

“You can thank Gabs for that, pretty sure her “go the fuck away Taylor” was because I was interrupting. Damn why doesn’t Stella do that shit when she’s around?” 

Gabby snorted. “Because you don’t let her.” 

“You think I’d stop her?!” 

She looked up from my phone, wait…why the hell did she have mine? Not that I had anything to hide, but it was odd she had mine. 

“You did stop her Tay.” 

I walked to the drums and sat down, she watched our sound check too and I briefly wondered if it wasn’t really me she’d wanted in that bathroom. But she took a couple of pictures and I figured they were tweeted, it wasn’t the first time she’d used the band’s Twitter account, it was linked to my phone after all. She and I had a later dinner but the show went well and she even took some photos during the show. Once we were loaded and headed to the next stop I checked twitter, she had loaded several of us during practice and the show. 

But the top message caught my attention.. 

_(From: Haier3456) You know who took them? The whore of a wife he has. Ugh, why can’t he see her for what she is?_

_(From: ITZfan007) You know @haier3456 he DOES read the comments here – don’t think he’ll appreciate you calling his WIFE a whore, besides he really has NO room to talk according to most fans._

I looked at how the first person addressed her and after scrolling for several I began to see a lot of messages that way. 

I liked ITZfan007’s tweet and hit retweet and quote. 

_ITZFan007 – you are right. I DO read the comments and you’re right, I don’t appreciate the way some fans are referencing my wife. I don’t personally care what anyone things, she and I are married and nothing changes that. Thank you for the support : -)_

I closed the app about the time Gabby came in. “I’m going to bed.” 

“Coming.” 

Sierra snorted but didn’t say anything as I got up and laid down with her. I would keep a better check on how people referred to her because it wasn’t right for anyone to refer to her in a negative manner. I couldn’t stop them, I couldn’t make them change their minds, but it didn’t mean they should. Yet she didn’t seem to be doing okay. 

“Gabs?” 

“My side is mildly cramping.” 

I pulled her in tightly and just rubbed over her side, which seemed to both ease the pain and put her to sleep. I then let myself fall asleep.

 

 

 

**A/N: The names listed above do not appear on Twitter. However, they are made up and any reflection on anyone should be ignored.**


	11. Explosions

POV: Gabby

  

April 19, 2008: Royal Oaks, Michigan 

I’d seen Zac’s tweet from the ITZfan007 and while she agreed with him and maybe ten others did, a lot didn’t. I didn’t attend the walks in Kentucky or Illinois nor did I run those days either because perhaps Zac was right maybe I was overdoing it. We arrived early today and I was the first out and already had the few items that I could get too inside and then I had to wait for them to unpack the trailer and set up. I checked my e-mail, I deleted any from Simon that wasn’t a picture and noticed ones from Abby and Shawn, so I opened them first. 

Shawn had found more baby pictures and I was positive he had either seen our parents again or he’d somehow found them. Although based on the pictures I was rather happy as a baby but not a single one had our parents in them. Each one had white sections added to say any additional information and most of the ones of me as a 2-3 year old were marked with the group home we stayed at. I wondered why he was doing this briefly but considering Zac’s parents had a thousand pictures of him as a baby, it was nice to see myself that young too. 

Abigail had sent pictures too, ones she had of us and that even included Max. Although, most of what she sent was she and I or just me. Her mom had taken a lot and I could clearly tell that before Shawn I was super happy and afterwards, I wasn’t. There were pictures of us after Max left, but not many. 

Simon kept sending more too, although he was nearing the end of our relationship now and I didn’t know what he would do after that was over. Yet, I was sure they’d just be reminders again. Like all of his now included. I sighed and closed the e-mail program. I finally logged into Twitter, not that it was any different from the website itself, the messages were just bigger. 

“You know if you stop being a kitten and speak your mind they’ll stop.” 

I closed the window and then shut it down. “Then I’ll just be the bitch.” 

“Would you rather they keep on calling you a whore? A fat slob? Would you rather never be able to use your own accounts to interact with people you want to hear from because of them?” 

I hadn’t really paid much attention to the weight comments until I went to try on a pair of jeans that I knew fit, they no longer fit, they weren’t just tight I couldn’t even button them now. 

“I’m not that person.” 

“You keep telling me that but I don’t believe it.” 

“Why not?” 

“It’s not you.” 

I got up. “I’m not her Sierra. I’m not that person. None of them are worth jail time.” 

“Jail time? You telling them to shut the fuck up will not get you jail time Kitten. A little bit more respect from them maybe, do you not want them to respect you at all?” 

“I want them to like me, not hate me.” 

She stopped at the cooler and turned slowly. “Like you? Kitten they will never like you. They are fans of your husband’s band. I looked up some of them on MySpace and other formats and several are delusional enough to think he’s dating them. Why? Because he replied to a generic questions on Twitter. Those women will never like you, no matter what.” 

“What is your fucking problem?” 

“My problem? I should be asking you. You ignore me most the time, you avoid talking to me, you won’t listen to me, you get defensive when I try to defend you. You think Carrick or Austin liked that I slapped the taste out of her mouth? Hell no! But you know I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I don’t have a problem, you do.” 

“What problem could I possibly have?” 

I forgot that while she was short she was quick and the wall prevented me from backing away from her. She left space between us though. But, I could still feel her presence and warmth. 

“I don’t know Kitten. You tell me. You’re the one avoiding me. You’re the one that claims to have changed but I see sparks in your eyes all the time. Then I see pictures of this scared little girl that was never who you were. I see you cowering to a bunch of fake ass bitches who can’t accept no for an answer. So you tell me what the problem is because I don’t have one with you.” 

“I don’t have a problem.” 

“Sure about that? I walked in and I was happy to see you. Seven fucking years you just vanished and I get to spend two months with you and you don’t even want to be in the same room. You use to love being around me, you use to sit beside me and talk to me. Now all you do is take pictures, stare at me from afar and draw naked pictures of me. Sure sounds like there is something going on in your head.” 

Those green eyes were awfully convincing at times but not this time. I just didn’t want to be that person anymore, so I didn’t say a word even though she wasn’t like many, she’d stare right at me and again she was so close to me. Her hand felt soft and warm against my cheek and I could see it then, that little spark that caused me to run like hell last time. The same one I was seeing in Zac’s eyes. 

I could have kissed Taylor for walking in at that moment, but I was sure Zac would frown upon that! 

“Um…do I need to come back?” 

“No.” Sierra said. 

Then she was gone and I was just standing against the wall, wondering what the hell was going on. She wasn’t even in the room anymore, she’d literally just vanished on me. 

“Gabriella?” Taylor asked. 

“I’m okay.” 

He handed me a tissue and I was momentarily confused until I felt the wetness on my face. I didn’t even know I had tears on my face at all. 

“I don’t know what she said to you but if it was bad then I can talk to Carrick and Austin.” 

“Wasn’t bad. How much longer before they get done?” 

“Least another hour. Zac is helping them and I am too, I just came for water and well I won’t mention how that really looked.” 

“It’s not like that Taylor. Not anymore.” 

He got two bottles and left the room, didn’t comment and I didn’t have anyone I could call. Max hated me, Abigail was busy and well, no fan ever needed to know that. I sat back down, stared at the black screen on the laptop. About twenty minutes after he left I heard the shoes and saw those same blue jeans she’d worn. But the laid a sheet of paper in front of me. 

“Because you don’t always see everything, you will have to stop being this scared little girl because anyone can find anything. It didn’t take me but ten minutes to find this picture Kitten.” 

My eyes landed on the color print before me as she walked away. The picture was of us, Newton had taken it but he didn’t really like pictures of she and I. Like the one they’d seen I was in her lap, but unlike the last one this one showed us actually kissing each other, her hand was even on my butt. At the bottom was a web address and I used my phone to go there, that wasn’t the only picture of us. One of us at the drums, her teaching me how to play. 

“I haven’t seen that one.” Zac said. 

I nearly dropped the phone and he giggled. “Sorry, I thought you heard me coming in.” 

“No.” 

He picked up the one printed. “I definitely have never seen this one.” 

“You saw the one he took after that one or before, I’m not sure which came first.” 

“I thought Newton gave you all of the ones he had.” 

I got up and put the phone away. “He did. He didn’t have these, she did.” 

“Oh.” 

The website however was one he’d used, so maybe that’s how he shared them with her before. 

“You feel okay?” 

“Yeah, why?” 

“Your face is flushed.” 

His hand felt cool to me but he frowned which wasn’t ever good. 

“You feel really warm Gabby, sure you don’t have a fever?” 

“I feel fine. No runny nose, no coughing.” 

“Weird. We have the trailer unpacked, want to come help me set the drums up and other stuff.” 

“Always.” 

I plucked the picture from his hand and closed it in between the screen and keyboard of the laptop. No one else needed to see that! Setting up I still felt fine, but that tension between Sierra and I felt worse. She was right, I was avoiding her. After the instruments and stage was set up we took a lunch break, ordering pizza. Which I didn’t even want, but I knew skipping too many meals would just make Zac suspicious. The walk was at 2:30 and I decided not to walk with them, instead I would stay here. Yet after the crowd was gone I realized I needed my bag from the bus, I needed clean clothes for my shower later. I went out the back but found the bus gone. 

“What the hell?” 

It hit me that the bus couldn’t remain parked out here, they had to move it down the street. I contemplated waiting on Zac or Carrick, everyone had gone on the walk with them today but me. Fans weren’t here and I was behind the buildings, so I should be fine. I did text Carrick to ask which way, he told me the location and told me to wait. But, I headed right anyway, the bus wasn’t far down the road, it was parked behind a bank. It was a bright sunny day despite cooler temperatures. I made it to the bus in about 30 minutes, got on and got my bag and then headed back. I was about halfway there when I heard my name. 

“Gabriella!” 

I turned and blinked. “Max?” 

“You like speed walking back? I seen you at the bus. But I didn’t know if it was Hanson or someone else.” 

“What are you doing here? You haven’t even wanted to talk to me since March 1 st.” 

“I know and I’m sorry.” 

I paused to let him catch up to me, but I needed to get back to the venue before they got back. 

“What do you want?” 

“I was traveling again and we’re passing through. I knew they were playing tonight but I didn’t expect you to be out alone.” 

“Eh, I needed the bag and it’s not far.” 

“You look good.” 

Was he blind? Clearly he was. Every fan in the country felt I was an overweight blob of skin and fat. I guess I didn’t believe he meant it but he didn’t seem to care about that. 

“I talked with Abigail and I think we’re going to try us again.” 

“Good, you made a good couple but you know she’s not going to share you with anyone else.” 

“Yes, we’ve talked about that extensively.” 

Didn’t sound like he fully agreed with that concept though. “So..what do I owe the visit too? I sent you a birthday message which you ignored, I sent you an e-mail and you never replied.” 

“Because you haven’t come to your senses yet.” 

“Wasn’t aware that my senses were off, but thanks for the notice. So, is that why you’re really here? You don’t want to see how I am or if I’m alive, you just want to tell me how stupid I am for being here?” 

“We know it’s true Gabby. You aren’t even with him now, are you sure he’s not accepting some card from some blonde? Are you absolutely positive that he hasn’t gone to any hotel rooms the last few weeks?” 

I just looked at him. “I’m going back to the venue and I’m going to just pretend this never even happened. You obviously can’t accept that I am with someone and that I want to be there.” 

“You can’t accept what everyone is telling you! Come on Gabriella, the fans tell you they’re with him, they are telling you everything you know is true. You have gained weight, you are eating just to drown out the fact that you know I am right about him. He doesn’t love you, he never has and he never will.” 

“So, you do then? Because really it sounds like you are jealous that I married him and not you. Sounds like what you want is for us to be buddies again so you can convince Abby that it’s okay if you sleep with us both. Are you going to pretend to love me and pretend to tell me you care just so I’m there when she isn’t?” 

“It worked before. You were happy, you were doing great. Even after Simon you were doing great until the tour.” 

“A tour you told me to go on. A tour you told me would be good for me. Sure you warned me about Zac but let’s face it what was the real reason you told me? I think it was more to make me hate him to start with.” 

“See, you’re not even denying that you were happy with the arrangement.” 

I blinked. Had he not listened to me the day he left me standing there alone? 

“I was happy because I thought you fucking loved me Maxwell. I thought you wanted to be with me and then you left. You stood there in the yard and told me I was nothing to you but a friend. That every time we had sex it was just a benefit to us both.” 

“YOU ASKED!” He yelled. 

I actually backed away from him until I felt the wall behind me. “Stop throwing that in my face! I know I asked you, I’m not forgetful. I know exactly what I asked you for. I asked you to be the first person I had sex with. I didn’t ask for that to continue for two years.” 

Like with Sierra he was fast, unlike her he didn’t leave any room between us. Unlike her I could feel how turned on he was too, why he would be was beyond me. 

“You can’t say no to me, you never have been able too.” 

His fingers felt rough against my skin but warm, it was how he’d come to me the second time. It was random. We’d been outside cleaning up the yard for his parents and I just found myself against the brick wall, felt him then too. I couldn’t tell him no, because fuck I wanted too just as badly. I’d only gone to him a handful of times and usually it was because I just wanted to be held, which he would do afterwards. 

“You want to come with me, you know I’m not lying to you Gabby. He will mess up, you will get hurt, and you know you’ll come to me.” 

“You just left, I could have gone with you.” 

“You needed to learn your place, you were always clingy and needy. You want to so badly right now, I can feel it in your heartbeat, I can feel it in your skin, so warm and flushed. You want too, nothing is stopping you. We can even go back to the bus if you prefer, but you know me. Inside or outside it doesn’t matter.” 

“KITTEN!” Sierra’s voice broke through that fog. 

“Sier..” His hand was over my mouth before her name was completely out of it. 

“We don’t need weird people calling for their cats.” 

His hand felt hot and it was not just gently over my mouth, it was forced and had forced my had back against the wall. Her voice got closer and I tried to pull his hand away, if she was this close then they were looking for me. 

“KITTEN! Come on! Skye?! Gabriella?! If you can hear me, answer!” She yelled. 

Max looked at me. “She’s calling you? Is that…seriously? You really are fucking stupid to allow Sierra on tour. You just can’t learn? Fuck, Simon was right. Your decision making skills are completely worthless, allowing the girl you wanted to be with on tour with you while you’re married? Fucking stupid.” 

I tried to move his hand again and when I couldn’t I just let my bag drop to the ground, the noise would hopefully attract Sierra. I didn’t understand his comments about Simon. He was pissed when I told him what Simon had done, how he treated me. Now he agreed with him. His body was pressed so tightly against mine that I couldn’t really move my legs or else I’d kick him! 

I didn’t even realize he’d managed to get me off the street in some little corner, I couldn’t even see the street. It never occurred to me to fear him but right this moment I really wished I’d listened to Carrick. Sierra’s calls were fading so she was moving back but I could faintly hear Austin calling my name as well. 

Max’s attention came back to me. “Guess they have to make sure you aren’t fucking around on him, I can tell you really want too. Wonder how he’d react to finding us.” 

My phone began to ring and I was sure he knew they would hear it eventually, he looked disappointed but he moved his hand. 

“I don’t want too. What I want is for you to just leave. Zac loves me, you don’t.” 

“You are stupid to believe he does.” 

I used my hands to push him away. “No. I was stupid to believe you ever loved me. Stupid to believe that you helping me last March meant that I was wrong, that you did love me. I really should have known all along. You are jealous because you just want a piece of ass on the side.” 

I picked up my bag and started to leave this area, I could vaguely hear Austin and once I was on the street I could call for him. But he grabbed my wrist and spun me around right into the wall. A brick pretty much hit the same spot the knife had, which sent pain radiating from that spot. He didn’t seem to care, just pulled me back to him, tightly. 

“Be happy with your whore Gabriella. Because he will break your heart.” 

He then pushed me away and my luck, I tripped over my own bag and went down. That was another sharp pain but it was the other side. I could see him walking away and I was kind of wishing Austin was nearby but I didn’t hear him or anyone else. I laid there for several minutes, wondering if the pain would go away before I heard Zac’s voice and Taylor’s. But, Zac’s was closer and I could hear the phone ringing, his tone. The longer it rang the closer he sounded. But the level of pain was getting quite intense and I felt this heavy feeling. 

“Gabriella? Come on, wake up.” 

When I opened my eyes I could barely see Zac and Taylor standing over me. Taylor was the one pouring water over my face though from a water bottle. 

“That’s it, come on.” 

The pain level had decreased significantly but god I felt sick now, I tried to stop them from sitting me up, but it was too late. Thank god Taylor moved, so I didn’t get any vomit on him or his shoes. 

“Ewe.” He said. 

But Zac was the one moving hair and was he using his shirt to wipe my face off? 

“Are you okay? Did your abdomen start hurting again? Why is your nose bleeding?” 

It took a few minutes to get the nausea to stop and Taylor was the one putting a rag against my nose and tilting my head back. Yet, I was suppose to believe that the concerned look written all over their faces, meant nothing? When I didn’t feel like throwing up and when Taylor moved whatever cloth they were using, I told them what happen. Again, the level of anger they had, more so Zac than Taylor, was more than enough to know they cared. Taylor may not love me like Zac, but he cared. 

“Think you can get up?” Zac asked. 

“Yeah.” 

He did help and my side hurt but not bad. Once we were back to the venue I just found the first bathroom because I knew he wanted to check, hell I wanted too. He actually started with my nose. 

“Doesn’t feel broken, doesn’t hurt?” 

“No. Broken nose experience?” I asked. 

“Twice. Thanks to my brothers. Isaac was totally unintentional, Taylor though I think was.” 

The sides however were very tender to the touch. 

“You will have major bruising, it’s already starting.” 

“I figured.” 

“Stop blaming yourself Gabby. This isn’t your fault.” 

“Always my fault Zac. Should have listened to Carrick and waited. He could have gone with me, you could have, he’d have never approached me with anyone else with me.” 

He got my hands. “You had no reason to think he would do this or even want too.” 

“Didn’t I? He doesn’t like that I am here, he doesn’t like you, he came on to me before we left. I had clues Zac.” 

“You also have a heart of gold Gabby, you don’t want to believe that he doesn’t like you or that he would hurt you. You’ve known him a long time and until recently he hasn’t done anything to make you believe he would. Do you feel like staying here?” 

“Yeah, I’ll just find a comfortable spot and lay down.” 

“Taylor said you and Sierra must have had words too.” 

“Yeah, but it’s irrelevant right now. You have sound check and a show.” 

“Still hurting?” 

“It’s mild, I’ll take something and lay down.” 

He kissed my forehead and I put my shirt back on, followed what I told him. I found Tylenol in my bag, showered, and then laid down in the green room. Sierra came in and checked into the room about 9:15, fresh from her shower and she sat down. 

“Feel okay?” 

I only nodded but I felt very warm. I felt her hand on my forehead and she frowned. I could still see that look in her eyes though, the ones that said she cared and she loved me. 

“DJ is bringing the bus back at ten, he is eating now and after a shower he’s bringing it back. I am going to fix us a plate and we will eat too, then I’ll take your stuff and then you to the bus.” 

She was gone before I could object but what she brought back was easy to eat and light. Which was a good thing, I didn’t think I could handle anything heavy. 

“Looks and feels like you’re getting sick. Eat this and then you and I will head to the bus, Zac said to go ahead so you can get comfortable.” 

I didn’t want to argue anymore today, so I followed her directions. When she gathered my things I stopped her though. I really didn’t want to ask for anything but while I was inside I may as well. 

“When you come back inside can you bring me a pad or something? I can feel it. I just didn’t expect it. ” 

“I have both, preference?” 

“Tampons if you have them.” 

She smiled and took the items to the bus, returning with what I asked for. I went to the bathroom alone to handle that and then went with her to the bus. She laid me in Zac’s bunk, got medicine for me too. 

“Get some rest.” 

My abdomen was hurting still but just dull and achy. I turned and was asleep before they even finished the show. 


	12. Siren Call

POV: Zac

  

April 20, 2008; 1:45 am 

The show had gone well despite me worrying about Gabby and wanting to pound Max into the pavement. Because she and Sierra were on the bus already the three of us helped pack everything up once we could that is. We then let them take the items to the trailer while we showered. 

“Are you signing?” Isaac asked. 

“No. I’m going straight to the bus to check on her.” 

“Pointless question Ike, I’ve already sent out a tweet that we wouldn’t be out tonight.” 

“You did?” 

“Yeah, when we took that break before the encore. I figured Zac would want to check on her and really I do too, because she looked fairly bad before.” 

We finished gathering and once the trailer was done we got on the bus. Sierra was sitting at the table with a book. 

“Gabby?” I asked. 

“She’s been asleep. But, she feels warmer to me. She woke up about 1 and went to the bathroom.” 

“Thank you for sitting with her.” 

“She’s my kitten, even though she clearly has a problem with me and doesn’t want to talk to me. I’ll do whatever I can.” 

I didn’t quite understand that but I went back to check on her myself, she was curled up pretty tightly, covered up but her face looked so flushed and she felt so warm. 

“How is she?” Taylor asked. 

“Warmer, but asleep. Are we leaving?” 

“Yeah, Carrick and Austin are in the back, Demetrius and Andrew are in the front. Are you going to stay up?” 

“For a little bit yeah, think I’ll play and keep a check on her for a few hours.” 

“Okay.” 

We left the venue headed to Rochester at 2:15. I considered playing games but I was very tired. I however didn’t want to be dead asleep in case she woke up. Taylor and Isaac laid down not long after we got on the expressway and the others were asleep by 3:30. I cat napped from the time we got on until 4:30,when I felt something was wrong. I didn’t understand the feeling but it felt like something was calling me, like I was needed. But the bus was quiet so I got up and checked on Gabriella, who was awake and even in the dim light I could see the tears in her eyes. 

“Hey, Gabby? What’s wrong?” 

“I don’t feel good, I’m hot and I can’t get…” 

“It’s okay. Come on, maybe you need to get up a few minutes.” 

I helped her up but she frowned and groaned. “What is it?” 

“Did they put my bag on the bus or in the bay?” 

“I don’t know.” 

It didn’t take me long to find all of her stuff laying in her bunk, I guess Sierra knew she wouldn’t be there tonight anyway. 

“It’s here, what do you need?” 

“Pants, underwear and I guess a pad I should have some.” 

I cringed internally at that request but got the items anyway, I even got the sweat pants she had packed. I followed her up to the bathroom but while she changed I went ahead and got her a bottle of water and some more Tylenol. She came out but standing here in better light I could tell that her face was not just red, she was sweating too. She took the Tylenol and drank the water and I followed her to the back, I sat down and she chose my lap to curled up in. 

“Is your side still hurting?” 

“It’s my entire abdomen now, it’s just mild. I’m betting it’s just cramps.” 

“Probably.” 

She laid her head over onto my shoulder and as warm as she felt, she was shaking. I wrapped the blanket around her and got more comfortable. Because I could still feel the warm tears on my shoulder I gently sang. 

_Do you believe in love?_  


_I’m talkin’ bout the good stuff_  


_Do you believe there’s somebody made for you?_  


_I’m looking for that kind, dancing in the moonlight_  


_I’m lookin’ for somebody just like you…_

The even breathing told me she was asleep and I laid my head down, it wasn’t a bad position really and I found my head resting near hers was comfortable enough to fall asleep. It was another one of those strange feelings that woke me up, almost like a silent siren call. Gabriella had drew herself up tightly in my lap. 

“Baby?” 

“Can’t get it to stop…” She mumbled. 

“You’re still hurting as badly as you were before?” 

“It’s worse. It use to be the right or left, it’s all over.” 

I lifted her head up and it was evident she’d been crying, her eyes were red and puffy, even had trails down her cheeks. There was this lifeless look in her eyes that scared me. In contrast, her entire face was red and she felt so hot. 

“Lay here, I’m going to see if we have a thermometer on the bus.” 

I let her move at her own pace and took a moment to get the feeling back in my legs and then I went to the front and went through every drawer until I found one. I then went back and she sat there for the two minutes but her temperature was over 104. 

“Lay down here.” 

I helped ease her down but she still curled up. I then went to the front where DJ was bopping his head to the sound of the music on the radio. 

“DJ?” 

He turned and looked at me. “What’s up?” 

“How far are we to Rochester?” 

“We’re about three or so hours away, why?” 

“When you get there find me a hospital, I don’t have a preference just whatever hospital.” 

“Why? What’s up?”  
  
“Gabriella is still complaining about abdominal pain and she’s got a high fever, I’m going to soak some cloth in cold water and see if that helps. But, I don’t like that the pain is not going away. I want to make sure her asshole friend didn’t rupture anything from her prior surgery.” 

“Ok. I do have to stop for gas though.” 

“That’s fine.” 

I went and got a clean shirt of mine, soaked it with cold water and returned to the back. I surrounded her neck with it and wiped her face off before sitting down in the floor beside her. 

“We’re going to a hospital once we’re in Rochester. At least let them check you over.” 

She didn’t even argue with me, just stayed curled up and I tried singing random verses that popped into my head. She dozed off and I laid my head down and watched her. Which is where I was when Isaac popped his head in. 

“Why is our driver trying to break speed records?” 

“She’s going to an emergency room as soon as we arrive.” 

“Is she not any better?” 

“No. She said about an hour ago the pain was spreading, when Max pulled her into the wall a brick or something hit her abdomen, I’m afraid it ruptured the internal stitches. She’s bruised there but the pain is now spreading across her abdomen.” 

“Okay, you want us to make you anything?” 

“No. I’m okay.” 

He left us alone, most everyone that got up went to the front of the bus. She woke up again about 8:15 and this time it was worse. She was actually crying and I hadn’t seen her cry not even after being stabbed did she cry. Well, not around me anyway. I felt utterly helpless because there was nothing I could do but try to keep her comfortable, but she wouldn’t let me or anyone touch her side. She completely pushed Sierra away, she wanted nothing to do with her at all. I got up at nine to see where we were, we’d slowed and stopped a few times so I knew we were close and Sierra stopped me in the hallway. 

“You need to see if she’ll come change her pants.” 

“Why? The hospital isn’t going to care what she has on.” 

She raised her eyebrow. “She’s not going to want to embarrass herself.” 

“English please?” 

She sighed. “Did she change clothes earlier and ask you for a pad?” 

“Yes.” 

“She needs to change, I’ll see if I can get her too but just take my word for it you don’t want to do this, not yet.” 

“Oh…Uh…I’ll get clothes you can try to talk her into moving.” 

Moving? She wouldn’t even budge from that spot and I think when she screamed at her to leave her the fuck alone she realized Gabby really didn’t care what she had on or the condition of those items. Granted, they were black sweats. When DJ parked in the parking lot Taylor was standing at the door and I think it took him five steps to be inside and within minutes he had two nurses coming outside. Not that she was in any better shape to allow them but least they could ask question and I told them everything, the pain and what happen with Max and the previous surgery. Everyone got off the bus, especially when the stretcher was brought out. 

That might be the most terrifying moment of my life, watching them move her and hearing her cry out because it hurt that badly, watched as they wheeled her into the hospital and stopped me at the doors because they weren’t sure what was going on. I was sure I stood there too long. 

“Zac.” 

“What?” 

“Come on, there not on the other side of the door.” Taylor said. 

“Why did they stop me?” 

He gently moved me away from the door and to the waiting area. “They made you stay so they can help her without you freaking out.” 

“But it’s just pain Taylor, it’s not…” 

Just the look on his face told me it had to be more than that. I couldn’t be that foolish, she was crying because the pain was so bad, it couldn’t just be pain. I sat there for an hour before I got up and went to the bus, I got my phone and hers and sat down in the front. I’d never had to do this, call her brother. I was glad he picked up on the second ring. 

“Hey Zac, I didn’t expect a call so soon.” 

“You’re the only person I really have to call. We brought Gabriella to the hospital here in Rochester.” 

“Why? Is she okay?” 

“She’s been having abdominal pain when she ran or walked, nothing that Tylenol didn’t help. She went to the bus yesterday and Max confronted her. She said he spun her into the brick wall and she believes a brick that was sticking out hit her abdomen, same side she had surgery on. She said it was hurting and she laid down but it kept getting worse. The last hour of the ride she just cried.” 

“Ella cried?” 

“Yeah, pretty heavily and it’s her whole abdomen. She’s been back an hour so far and they haven’t told me anyway yet.” 

“You said Max did this?” 

“I really don’t know if it was the putting her into the wall or if this was something else that was just triggered by that.” 

“As soon as you know, let me know.” 

“I will.” 

I hung-up and went inside to make sure they didn’t come for me and miss me. I looked at her phone, knew his fucking number was in there. I really should call him and just cuss him out, make him leave her alone. 

“Zac?” Carrick asked. 

I looked at him. “It probably wasn’t anything he did, she was complaining about pain before that.” 

“He put her into a wall.” 

“It’s not worth you getting in trouble though.” 

“I won’t. I’m just thinking right now anyway.” 

“Thinking often leads to actions.” Isaac said. 

Sierra snorted. “Stop pretending that you would beat his ass for her.” 

“Pretending? Who said I was pretending?” 

This really wasn’t the right time for her to be a bitch, clearly no one expected her to even say those words because everyone was looking at her confused and honestly Taylor and Isaac looked pissed. 

“Nobody said he was pretending Sierra.” Taylor said. 

“So, what you only give a shit if someone hits her? You’re supposed to be her husband you should fucking know what’s wrong with her.” 

“I’m not a doctor Sierra!” 

Again she snorted and I really was about to fire her ass, who cared if we didn’t have an opening band anymore. She got up. 

“You don’t have to be a doctor to know why she’s depressed. You just need to stop living in a fucking fantasy world where your fans do no wrong. You want to beat this Max guy up but you don’t Simon? He’s been sending her e-mails for weeks, showing her pictures of herself with others and telling her what a whore she is, how stupid she is, how she needs to be with someone who can control her properly not someone who lets her do whatever she wants. You want to go after Max for one incident that may or may not be the reason she’s here. Likewise, you need to do something about your fans because I’m seriously not holding back the next time one of them calls her a whore or tells her that she’s fat.” 

I blinked and everyone looked shocked. She just stormed out of the hospital to the bus. I didn’t know Simon even had her e-mail address, sure I’d seen a few negative comments about her from fans but she hadn’t mention anything that bad. I was rather shocked when Abigail called me a few minutes after Sierra exploded. 

“Is Gabriella in the hospital?” 

“How did you know?” 

“Twitter of all the fucking places, you should have called me. Is she there? Someone posted a picture of her being taken inside to an emergency room.” 

“Yes. She’s here. She was having really bad abdominal pain. Max didn’t help either because he pulled her around into a brick wall and one of them got her where she had surgery.” 

“Max?” 

I didn’t even know she didn’t know, so I went ahead and told her what Gabby told us and I could hear the anger in her voice. 

“When you know what is wrong and what they’re doing, call me. I’ll handle Max myself.” 

She hung up on me and I thought about what she said, I used her phone to access Twitter. Sure enough her account was tagged in a picture of her being wheeled inside. But as I scrolled down the page not a single comment was wishing her to be better. Some suspected diabetes, stroke from all the donuts, some wondered if she fainted because she caught me with some blonde. 

“Zac?” Taylor asked. 

I handed him the phone. “Did they do Nicole and Stella that way too?” 

He and Ike both looked at the message. “These are our fans?” Taylor asked. 

“Yeah, I recognize a few of them as frequent p0ster’s on our twitter page. I’ve replied to a few of them!” 

“Didn’t you make a post about this?” 

“Yeah. But evidently it wasn’t good enough.” 

They frowned and eventually Isaac and Taylor went to the bus to speak to Sierra, see what she knew because I wouldn’t be leaving the waiting room. Austin and Carrick eventually made their way to the bus too and so did Andrew and Demetrius. 

About 11 the financial director came and found me and we filled out a shit tons of paperwork, shortly after we finished Carrick brought me lunch and sat with me. He was still there when I saw a doctor come out at 2, he spoke with the nurse who nodded in my direction. 

“Mr. Zachary Hanson?” 

I got up and met him, but Carrick remained seated. He was a tall black man, clean shaved and no hair. He had normal attire, scrubs and a jacket, on and he was very friendly looking. 

“I’m Doctor Blacksmith. I came to get you so you can see your wife now.” 

“Is she okay?” 

“We can talk once we’re back there. I will warn you she is sedated.” 

“Okay. Carrick, can you let them know I’m back and I’ll call someone as soon as I can.” 

He nodded and got up, headed to the bus while I followed the doctor back. He weaved me through several hallways before he stopped by a door and let me in. Gabriella was laying on the bed covered up to her neck with thick blankets, an IV ran under one side and there were three bags hooked up to it. 

“What happen? Why is she here in a recovery room?” 

“We did emergency surgery, her appendix ruptured. It is what caused the fever, bloating, appetite changes, and some of the pain. Luckily it appeared to be something that occurred recently so we were able to remove it without problems and we also cleaned the abdominal cavity, it wasn’t bad but she will have a strong antibiotic just in case. We noticed and knew about the prior surgery she had last year, that place was healed very nicely, it just appeared that possible during the healing process something got to the appendix.” 

“Will she be okay?” 

“Yes, we are keeping her for at least today and tonight and probably tomorrow night also. There was something else.” 

I laid my hand on her leg and looked at him confused, what else could have been wrong?! Had Max done something to cause this? 

“What else was there? Did the bruising have anything to do with this? A hopefully ex-friend pulled her around into a brick wall, I told the people that came out.” 

“We did notice bruising from that on her side, but that probably aggravated the appendix, but it would have eventually caused this anyway, based on the inflammation this was probably occurring weeks ago. Mr. Hanson did you know your wife was pregnant?” 

I was certain that whatever color was in my face, drained away right then. 

“No. Is she?” 

His frown basically answered my question. “I’m sorry, Mr. Hanson. During prep we noticed the excessive blood on her clothes and legs, so we had to check that before giving her anything, she miscarried. It’s a reason we may keep her tomorrow night also, she is bleeding fairly heavily. If that persist we’ll need to do something.” 

I had to sit down on the bed, I felt very lightheaded and I had no idea what to really think. I’d not even questioned what I know to be a normal thing for women. 

“It wasn’t…the..friend?” 

“I do not believe so. Miscarriage occur often and there is no real reason, it appeared she was about 5 to 7 weeks, at that frame it’s very hard for hits or physical trauma to cause a miscarriage. Mostly because the uterus is well protected at that stage. Anything could have caused it from the joining not being perfect, chromosomal issues, excessive stress and I’m talking major stress. Her weight and blood worked looked good, it did show she was pregnant. Was she not showing any signs?” 

I shook my head. “No. Does she know?” 

“I’m afraid not, we didn’t really realize that until after she was given something to calm her down. But she made no mention of knowing beforehand.” 

“The chromosome thing…that’s not genetic is it?” 

“No and this does not mean you can’t have a normal, healthy pregnancy afterwards either. I would recommend waiting a few months if you were trying. Just to give her body time to recover from this.” 

I nodded, why did it hurt so much? 

“Okay. We’re keeping here for another hour and then we’ll move her. Once she’s in a private room you can allow others back. Just one in this room.” 

“That’s fine. Will she wake up soon?” 

“She should be waking up in the next hour or two.” 

I nodded again and he walked out of the room, leaving me alone with her. I knew I should call them but I just couldn’t make my body work right. I really didn’t have a single clue what to say to them or even her. I didn’t even know if she wanted children. 

It occurred before I could really stop it, I hadn’t cried really since November and yet here I was crying because there was a chance that we were going to be parents but that was taken away. I didn’t even know how to tell her or anyone else and when the thought of telling my mother came that was it. After calming myself down I called Isaac. 

“We’ve been waiting, what was wrong?” 

“Her appendix ruptured, not long before we got here. They did surgery to remove it and he said he didn’t think anything Max did would have caused it. She’ll be in recovery for another half hour to an hour, once they move her to a private room, you and the others can see her.” 

“Okay, since she is okay we’re going to head on to the hotel, they’re going to keep her right?” 

“Yes. Tonight for sure, maybe tomorrow night.” 

“We’ll put you with us and her too, just in case. Keep us updated and once she’s settled and we are we will come back and bring you both clothes, and you food.” 

“Okay.” 

I hung-up, I didn’t want to tell them about the miscarriage until she knew, ultimately that decisions wasn’t mine to make. It was hers too. I called Shawn back and updated him and I called Abby to let her know as well. They moved her to a room at four and it wasn’t long after they got her in the private room that she began to wake up. I was sitting on the bed beside her when she opened her eyes and looked at me. 

“Evening.” 

She blinked a few times. “What happened?” 

“You had surgery again. Your appendix ruptured, it’s what’s caused a lot of things.” 

“Like?” 

“The pain, bloating, appetite differences among a few. It explained the fever too.” 

She nodded but I could tell the sedative was still there, so I didn’t mention the miscarriage yet. Everyone came up about five thirty, brought me clothes and dinner, visited her. She was waking up some more though but not much. They all stayed until about seven before they headed to the hotel. She was moving more, much more awake. She’d talked to Shawn and Abby herself so they were happy. When she muted the TV I wondered why but then she looked at me. 

“What’s wrong Zachary? You’ve been very quiet, you didn’t mention much, you made them all leave when the nurse came in, granted glad they did since she pulled the gown up but still. You did that on your own.” 

I didn’t want the nurse to ask her about anything private, which she had but she didn’t completely understand why. I got up and moved to sit beside her on the bed. 

“Do you remember the theater in Seattle?” 

She smiled at me. “You expect me to forget that? I have no idea about the movie but yes, I remember the theater.” 

“And after?” 

“Yes…I remember those times Zac. Why are you asking?” 

“The appendix wasn’t the sole reason for your pain, it was the primary reason but Dr. Blacksmith said that you miscarried. It’s why they are asking about the bleeding and comfort level. He wasn’t sure but he thought five to seven weeks. I’m betting closer to five because those are the only two times I remember where we didn’t bother to use anything.” 

She simply stared at me, confused and what little color had come was now fading some. 

“Max…” 

“No…I asked about that. He doesn’t believe that what he did would have caused either your appendix nor the miscarriage. You weren’t far enough along for Max to really cause anything to the…he has no explanation for what happen. It could be anything from excessive stress to some chromosome issue, he did say that this doesn’t mean you can’t get pregnant in the future. He just recommends waiting a few months.” 

I really didn’t expect her to cry, but I found myself crying with her again over this loss. 

“You didn’t tell anyone?” 

“No. I wanted you to know before anyone else. I didn’t know if you wanted anyone else to know about it or not. I didn’t tell anyone else, not even Shawn.” 

“You didn’t tell your parents either?” 

“No. Isaac called them this morning and told them you were here and then he called after I spoke to him to let them know why, he didn’t know about this. I’m really not sure how they’d take it.” 

She wiped her face off again, seemed very quiet. “I think…I think I’d rather not tell anyone.” 

“Then we don’t have to.” 

“He’s sure it wasn’t Max? Nothing he did caused this?” 

“Yes. Your uterus as he told me is protected by the pelvis right now. He assured me there was no way anything Max did could have caused this. Believe me, I wanted to blame him too. But, it’s not his fault, it’s not even yours. He said sometimes it happens and most the time there is no reason why.” 

She nodded. “I think I’d like to lay down. Still tired.” 

“You should, I should too.” 

She scooted over toward the side of the bed where her IV was and I took the hint, but I knew they’d make me move when they came in to change the bedding and whatever it was they had under her. She really hadn’t been happy with the no underwear concept. 

True enough they got me up twice to change that and woke her up too. But beyond that she and I both slept fairly well. 

  

Do You Believe In Love Song Lyrics © Hanson 2016


	13. Denial is a Gift

POV: Gabby

  

April 21, 2008 

The nurses pissed me off coming in multiple times through the night, I’d get comfortable and barely asleep and then they’d want to come in and move me around and change the pads under me or change the gown. How did they expect patients to rest?! The whole nothing there was unpleasant too. After the second time I sent Zac to the sofa, because he had a show to do and walk to attend, he needed sleep. The nurse came in at 7 to rearrange me and I paused her. 

“Is there any way I can get a pad or something and a shower?” 

She smiled warmly. “You hate that too huh? I hated it as well. Do you feel like it’s not as heavy?” 

“Yeah, the cramping isn’t as bad either.” 

She looked at the machine. “You are still getting low doses of pain medication. Let me do a check and I’ll ask the head nurse.” 

She spent 15 minutes checking bandages, checking IV’s, temperature, pain levels, and in her words ‘flow rate’, which I was glad Zac just slept through that. She then stepped out of the room. I thought about everything but what he said. 

It was an appendix issue and nothing Max did caused it. That was all I needed to think about. She came back in about 20 minutes later with a package of pads and what looked like mesh underwear. She unhooked the IV, taped my hand in plastic and smiled. 

“Shower time. Do you want me to wake your husband?” 

“No. I assume someone has to be there?” 

“Yes.” 

“You’re okay or any female nurse.” 

She was the one that stayed, clearly I landed a good nurse. She even remained outside unless I had to have her. Which when it came to the funky underwear I had to ask what the hell was up. 

“There from labor and delivery, new moms use them.” 

“Oh..” 

New Mom’s.. No. I was here simply because my appendix ruptured and tried to kill me. She didn’t say anything else but did change the bedding and then settled me back down and bandaged me up. New IV tubes, new bags and all. Great two cuts to the same area. Zac sat up about 9:30. 

“Did you shower?” 

“How do you even know?” 

“Your hair is wet.” 

“Yeah, the nurse got me up about an hour ago maybe. New bedding, new tubes, clean bandages, and I have mesh panties.” 

“Mesh?” 

I even showed him and he no more understood the reason than I did, why would anyone want mesh underwear?! 

“Do you feel better?” 

“Yeah, doctor hasn’t been in yet but I don’t think there sending me home today.” 

“Doubtful, but I don’t know how to work this. None of us can stay all day. Taylor and Isaac said miss the walk if needed but I can’t miss the show and the opening peeps can’t either.” 

“I’m in a hospital Zac, what’s the worse than can happen?” 

“Max shows up, they don’t allow me to block people here.” 

“Does he even know I am here? Pretty sure you didn’t call him.” 

“Abigail called him.” 

“That good or bad?” 

“Bad for him considering she didn’t know he was here or anything about what you mentioned. I’m not sure she doesn’t blame him either.” 

“He’s not going to show up here. I’ll be fine, I mean I have round the clock care and they’re going to feed me and give me whatever I want basically. You have obligations and you can’t just avoid them because I’m here. I’m going to be okay.” 

He frowned. “But you’ll be alone.” 

“I’ll be fine.” 

I was actually wanting to be alone. It took some convincing but he finally agreed. Taylor and Isaac brought him an early lunch and they brought my laptop to me also, least I could browse or whatever while they were off walking and playing. They remained here at the hospital until after two, the walk was moved to three today, so they had to leave then to make it. It was different being in a quiet room, without them talking about how much I scared them, without the banter between them or the general noise. About 2:30 Abigail called me. 

“Hey Abby.” 

“Hey, you’re up?” 

“Yeah, I actually walked the hallway about 1 with Hanson. Was a journey for sure.” 

“Gimmie the dish, how bad was it?” 

“Not bad really, just hurt like a mother fucker. The incision is like four inches and they said it should heal fine. I’ve got to make an appointment with someone in town for follow up.” 

“Want me to get you a list?” 

“No. They brought me the laptop so I’ll just use it, will give me something to do because Zac won’t be back until after midnight.” 

“He had to play?” 

“Yeah. I told him to go, I’m not dying or anything so there is no reason for him to miss things for me.” 

“Stay off social media.” 

“Why?” 

“The rumors vary from you overdosed to you over ate, are you seriously okay with the way these people talk to you?” 

“I’m fine.” 

“I don’t believe that, but I know how stubborn you are. I was about to head to class, wanted to make sure you were okay. Zac sounded rather upset yesterday.” 

“He was. You told Max right?” 

“I can’t get him to answer my calls actually, so the last time I left a message and told him if he didn’t call me today he could kiss my ass.” 

“Smart girl…You don’t think he’ll show up do you?” 

“Doubtful, he will think someone is with you. I can’t believe he’s acting this way.” 

“Guess he changed too.” 

“I guess. I get out of class in a few hours, I’ll give you a call back.” 

“Okay, enjoy class.” 

“Not a chance, math class blah!” 

I giggled and we hung-up. Abigail hated math, but this was her last year and she was super excited to finish. I turned on the TV of course most everything tried to bring up the second reason, that was a nope. I was here because my appendix ruptured, nothing else. Shawn called at 4:30 and checked in, Zac seemed to ask me if I was okay every hour. By five I was bored and wanted to see what they were saying, so I logged into my twitter account, saw the nice picture of me pale and crying being wheeled in. Perfect. I suspect that was why Max wasn’t answering her! 

The comments did range all over the map! How can anyone overdose on donuts?! Sugar coma? Although there were the obvious reasons too but I didn’t read those, that wasn’t why. Sierra hadn’t commented on any of them but then again I didn’t expect her too. Dinner came at six and the nurse removed the IV, they were moving me to tablets for pain medication and since I was back on solids there was no need for the IV. 

“Can I slip on pants, loose ones, to walk around?” 

“Yeah. Just nothing tight.” 

Taylor and Isaac had shopped for me, getting a few pair of sweatpants because I couldn’t wear anything I had for at least a week. Once they picked up the tray I got a pair and slipped them on. Mesh underwear sucked but these were black sweats so I should be fine. I took my phone incase Zac called or texted, heaven forbid I miss it, he’d be back worried sick. My plan was to wander the floor I was on, but I ended up just going to random places, found the cafeteria and stumbled upon the morgue, I didn’t even get out of the elevator there! Yet, the one place I tried not to be is where I found myself. Looking through the window at the five little humans laying wrapped in white blankets. 

I’d written off the concept of being a mother, I couldn’t even make decisions about my own life, how the fuck was I ever going to be responsible for another life? Why would any kid want a whore for a mother? I’d never even wanted a baby. So then why had it hurt like a son of a bitch when he told me I’d…No. I wasn’t here for that! 

A lady came up and took a few picture of one of them, I couldn’t read the card well but I think it was a boy. 

“Are you a new mom?” She asked. 

There was a sharp stinging pain that came and went quickly. 

“No, I was just walking and this seems to be the happiest place here.” 

“That it is. Lots of new life entering the world here.” 

“One of them in your family?” 

“That little boy, my first grandbaby.” 

“Congratulations.” 

She smiled and thanked me, but it was clear she was more into her grandson than me. Before long she was shuffling back toward a room near the end of the hallway. I didn’t have a parent that wanted a grandchild, but Zac’s did. He hadn’t really mentioned children, but by the way he cried and the mention of future chances it was pretty clear he wanted them. 

He deserved a far better wife, the fans had to be right, I just wasn’t worth being his wife. I couldn’t make decisions, I had no future plans, and everything was by that moment in time. Max had been right, I’d just followed Shawn until he came and then I followed him. Because it was a easy path that required no work on my behalf. I couldn’t do anything right. 

I’d failed as a mom before I even had the chance to know I was going to be one. 

Another parent came up and got pictures of their new baby, gushing about how her delivery had been so smooth, so effortless. I just stepped to the side, it’s where I was use to being on the outside. I was the third wheel to Max, I was just a nuisance to Shawn, Abigail tried but I was always the outside person with her too. I hadn’t care about fashion, didn’t care about the next big thing, I just wanted to draw and I just wanted to be included in something. Shawn had left to get rid of me, because he didn’t want me there anymore. I found myself simply staring at the baby in the middle, the only girl that I could tell. She was awake, wiggling around in her little cubby bed. 

“Gabriella Hanson?” 

I did not expect anyone to even know my name here and sure it was on my ID band but it was in my pocket! No one should know me here. I turned and seen a young woman, clearly by her shocked expression she did not expect to see me here either. But the Hanson symbol around her neck made me think she was a fan, it would explain how she knew me. 

“Look, if you’re just going to tell me that I am some whore and that Zac deserves better than me or that he’s just fucking everyone behind my back, save it. I’ve already heard it.” 

She blinked, clearly not expecting that as a response. “I wasn’t really going to say any of those things.” 

“I’ve heard all the insults.” 

“I’ve seen a lot of them myself, tried to argue against them but they don’t seem to care. Although, I really didn’t expect you to be standing here.” 

That made two of us really, why the fuck was I standing here!? What purpose did this serve to me? I would never be a mother worth anything, hell I wasn’t even cut out to carry the baby, let along deal with delivery and then make decisions that would affect their lives forever! So, I used the same reason as before. 

“Happiest place in a hospital is the nursery.” 

“For the most part that is true. I see your emergency wasn’t life threatening, obviously you’re not in a coma. Going to assume it wasn’t diabetes or anything either.” 

“Not a single one of those was true, my appendix ruptured on the drive here. Scared everyone pretty badly.” 

“Ouch, I had that happen when I was 14. Worst pain of my life, not even birth was worse than that.” 

“I can certainly agree there. Is one of these in your family?” 

“The middle one, she’s mine actually. My first.” 

“She’s gorgeous. Don’t be freaked out but she’s the one I’ve been watching. She’s been moving around a bit the others are asleep and not doing much.” 

“Not an issue. Stare away. I named her Ella Grace.” 

“Why Ella?” 

“My grandmother’s name, although it’s a nickname for Gabriella isn’t it?” 

“Yeah, it’s what my brother calls me exclusively. He’s never called me anything but Ella, refuses to acknowledge my full name.” 

“I didn’t know you had siblings.” 

“Just him and he’s older. We kind of lost touch for a while though.” 

“It happens, my parents kind of disowned me for a while. I was the party queen and loved having fun. I met Ella’s father about a year ago and he changed my whole life. Got me clean, got me motivated to finish school, and then we learned about her. She’s a gift.” 

I didn’t have anything to really say, I didn’t know her at all. Sounded like she was similar to me in a lot of ways. Sounded like her husband was a blessing to her. I was about to ask her about him when Zac’s tone went off. I answered, regardless, if I didn’t he would come find me. 

“Hey honey.” 

“Hey, feeling okay?” 

“I’ve been okay since you left, surely you don’t think I’m going to go into a coma do you?” 

“Maybe!” 

“I’m fine, really. I’m even out walking around the hospital.” 

She looked at me and I could see the moment she realized that who I had to be talking to was Zac. Her eyes got wide but she kept quiet. Yet, I could see the thought on the tip of her tongue, she really wanted to ask to speak to him or have him acknowledge her in some way. That almost jealous look that I got to speak to him and she didn’t. 

“That’s good! The doctor said walking was good. No difference in them feeling good about releasing you tomorrow right?” 

“Haven’t seen him since he came in earlier, I think he said he’d come back about 10. I don’t see them changing their minds.” 

“Carrick and em just went out. Sierra mentioned coming up but I told her it might be best to wait.” 

“Yeah, I um...yeah, I think I’d rather wait to see anyone else. The other two are coming right?” 

“Yep. They are bringing me buttercup.” 

“Oh god, seriously? No. Buttercup is your nickname, not mine.” 

“It can be yours too. Do you want me to bring anything to you?” 

“A greasy burger, fries, and a chocolate shake?” 

“Gotcha. I’ll call or text when we head that way.” 

“Ok. Have a good show.” 

“I will try my best, but worrying you may fall into a coma will make it hard.” 

“I won’t be falling into a coma. Love you, bye and have a good show.” 

“Love you too, do rest also.” 

I hung-up and she was still staring. “Sorry, if I had ignored his called he’d be canceling the show.” 

“Ella canceled for me. I had tickets but gave them to a set of friends. I went into labor yesterday and she arrived earlier today, no way they were letting me go just to see Hanson.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay. Her daddy told me the next time they come to town we’d go, hands down he wouldn’t even question it.” 

“I’m sure it won’t be too much longer.” 

“This may sound strange but do you want to hold Ella? I would have to take her to the room though.” 

“No. That’s okay. I’m more of an admire from afar.” 

Truthfully, I couldn’t ever remember holding a baby. I’d never wanted to be near them. Avoided the fans with them, avoided strollers and baby sections. 

“Are you sure? I really don’t mind. Your about as close as I’ll ever get to Hanson.” 

“I’m sure.” 

Some guy came out of what I presume to be her room and came down, together they got her from the nursery, she said bye, and they returned to the room. She looked disappointed but I couldn’t even do things right, I didn’t want to hurt her child. Least she didn’t seem to hate me. I glanced back into the room, four tiny human beings now. 

One that I’d never see. Never hold. I hadn’t even known about until he or she was gone. I walked back to the room and sat down, tried to block it out. It shouldn’t bother me, I’d never wanted to be around children. I got the drawing pad to hopefully just block the world out, I needed to get back to believing my sole reason was the appendix. I didn’t even realize how much time pasted but it was Zac’s text that brought me out of the trance. I replied with a smiley and then looked down at the tablet. 

My heart just sank. 

I had drawn Ella, the fans daughter. It was a portrait style because I hadn’t seen anything but her face, which I’d stared at long enough that I believed I captured her exact likeness right here on paper. To make it worse I’d even added fucking color to the image! The little slight pink tone to her skin, the border of filigree around the edges to make it look presentable. I had never drawn babies, of any age for any reason. 

I closed the tablet and waited for them, they arrived not long after with my order and they all sat down and ate. The show had gone very well according to Zac. 

“Doctor come in?” 

“No.” 

He frowned. “He better release you tomorrow.” 

“I’m sure he will.” 

As long as I didn’t mention this going crazy aspect! When they finished eating I hadn’t quite considered what to do but I did feel bad for Ella’s mom a bit. She had clearly wanted to go and well, she was planning to go and so close to the due date. 

“I uh…walked earlier and saw a fan here.” 

“Where?” Ike asked. 

“At the nursery window, I had to walk and ended up there.” 

Zac looked up at me, concerned expression all over his face but Taylor and Isaac both commented about liking to view nursery windows too. 

“Anyway, one of the babies was a little girl. Her mom had her today and missed your show.” 

“Hey, I can excuse that absence. Little babies are so precious.” Taylor said. 

“Cute and smells like baby powder.” Ike said. 

Zac didn’t say anything but I noticed he didn’t finish the fries, just threw them away. 

“Um..I sort of drew her.” 

I handed the tablet over and they all looked at the drawing of Ella, perfect fucking drawing that I shouldn’t have ever done. 

“Is this what she looks like?” Taylor asked. 

I nodded. “Yeah.” 

“Why don’t we take it to her?” Ike asked. 

“Um, visiting hours are over?” Taylor asked. 

“She’s probably asleep.” Zac said. 

“I know her room number, I can have the nurse ask.” 

Where had that come from? Why had those words tumbled out of my mouth?! Maybe they wouldn’t want too, but then Ike spoke. 

“Do that.” 

It didn’t take but 15 minutes to confirm that room 316 was awake and alert and willing to have visitors. I had to be fucking insane, why would I ever want to go there? 

“You should sign it.” Taylor said. 

He handed it to me and I signed, then took it out of the pad. Taylor took a photo of it for me to have, but I didn’t really want it. Taylor managed to find an item of merchandise in his bag, why he had a program I didn’t know but they signed it for her and Ike insisted I walk down. Zac provided me with an actual shirt to wear, instead of the hospital gown. 

She really was freaked out to see me, but when they came in behind me her eyes just widen and I was glad that her daughter was laying on the bed. I think she may have dropped her if she wasn’t. Would I do that? Drop a baby because of shock? 

“I…you…oh god.” 

Clearly, none of us had thought this plan through very well. She just had a baby, her hair was in a messy bun on top of her head, she was still in a hospital gown with wires and IV’s everywhere, and even her husband was so shocked he couldn’t speak. Since she was pretty much in a catatonic state of mind, I presented her with the drawing. 

“Apparently little Ella stuck with me, I’m not entirely certain this drawing is a direct likeness of her.” 

It seemed that it worked, she snapped out of her catatonic state and looked down at the drawing, Ella was her child and if anyone would notice if I missed anything, it would be her. 

“Oh my..that’s..incredible.” 

She laid it down beside her and sure enough she was an exact copy of the drawing, damnit! It didn’t help the sinking feeling I had, but she seemed thrilled with it. But of course, Taylor being Taylor, asked if he could hold Ella. Zac was really not standing close and seeing Taylor holding her I could see the tears in his eyes, even if they weren’t falling. 

As bad as I felt, I could imagine he felt close I mean he had cried too. 

Eventually Quinn and Bailey talked, they were very sweet but Zac and I both refused to hold her for different reasons. They did a few acapella songs for her and because obviously no one would ever believe this she asked for a picture with them, which they did and then she asked for one of us. I reluctantly agreed, knowing this was going to be all over social media. She held Ella and I held the drawing up, Zac took the picture for her. I laid the drawing down on the window seal and before I could comprehend it I had Ella in my arms. 

This tiny little baby girl was in my arms and I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t even move and that lasted ten seconds before she started screaming. I had no idea what the hell I did wrong! Isaac took her from me though, two bounces and she was fine. I really couldn’t breathe not even now. 

“I think Gabby needs to get back to bed, she’s looking a little pale. Congratulations on your daughter and these two can stay as long as you want, but you may have to kick Taylor out.” Zac said. 

I didn’t see him move but I felt his hands and he did the goodbyes for us, I just couldn’t. I was here because my appendix ruptured that was it. I vaguely remember him using the elevator and laying me down, but sleep helped forget the second reason.


	14. Reality

POV: Gabby

  

April 29, 2008 

4 am…I should be asleep but I couldn’t sleep. I wasn’t the only one because Zac was playing video games with Andrew and Carrick was curled up in the corner reading, the last week had been different. 

Bailey hadn’t wasted any time posting the pictures she’d taken. Some fans were honestly shocked that I’d bothered to be nice to her, others were shocked that I could actually draw that well, but it didn’t stop the ones that hated me. Increased them a bit because they felt I was doing it just because I needed too or because I was just there. She thankfully did not post the blurry photos of Ella and I. It was unfocused, blurry, and it was clear that I had been terrified and Ella was screaming. 

I hadn’t really shown Zac the drawings I had done the last few days, honestly they scared me. They weren’t necessarily dark but they had a lot of broken cribs, cracked rattles, leaking bottles, and broken toys. I didn’t understand them at all, I didn’t want kids. I’d never saw myself as a mother. Why then would I draw these things over and over and over again?! 

“Quit running me off the road dude!” Andrew said. 

“Then speed up, I’m trying to win here.” 

“Win? You’re both the last two racers dude, if Gabs was playing she’d be sitting at the finish line laughing by now.” Carrick said. 

They all looked at me and I gave the best fake smile I could. “Truth.” 

“I really don’t want to say a girl beat me.” Andrew said. 

“It doesn’t feel as bad as it sounds.” Zac said. 

“You should know, she’s stomped your ass on every race there is.” Carrick said. 

“I’m learning man! Give me a break.” 

Andrew and Zac both agreed to restart the race, they were so far behind it was impossible for either of them to win. I turned the page and tried to think of a naked husband, naked Sierra, hell I’d even take Max or Simon at this point. I just didn’t want to see another broken crib. I was about to start another one when my phone pinged. I picked it up and about fainted. 

“Who thinks you’re awake this time of the morning?” Andrew asked. 

Just as he rounded a corner and flew right off the road. “Well, Max is alive.” 

“What did he say?” Zac asked. 

“Just wants to know if I’m awake.” 

He snorted but he wouldn’t tell me not to reply, Sierra would have. I stared at the message, recalling the last few moments of that conversation. How he just didn’t seem like the Maxwell I knew. 

_I’m up._

**_Are you okay? Abigail finally reached me._ **

I blinked because Abigail told me she hadn’t even bothered since Monday. That she’d left the message and that was it for her. 

_Stop lying. Abigail cut you off Monday. What do you want?_

**_Are you okay?!_ **

_I’m fine._

**_Gabriella. Come on, you know it was an accident. You know I don’t want to hurt you._ **

I re-read the message and all I could hear in my head was Zac’s voice. Those words over and over and over, like a broken record. Max had nothing to do with that though. Yet, he could have very well have killed me if the appendix had ruptured there in the cubby area, if we left without knowing I could have died. That was the reason for the hospital. But where was this little bubble of anger coming from? 

_Accident? No. What you did was no accident. Fuck that shit, you aren’t going to pull a Simon on me and claim it was just an accident. Own up to your actions Maxwell. You’ll be happy to know you didn’t “cause” my hospital stay, go ahead, admit it that’s all you want to know._

**_It was an accident! That’s not all I want to know!_ **

_Four years Maxwell. You left me standing there begging you to stay and you see how I reacted then, if you have ANY hope of ever being my friend again, I’d suggest you just leave me the fuck alone. I’ll contact YOU when I feel like I can trust your words. Goodbye means Goodbye._

He sent another ten messages but I ignored every single one. About six we went to bed, I could sleep late really because I couldn’t do anything again. Some wife I was, we weren’t even married 6 months and most of the times I’d been on no activity status. He didn’t seem to mind though, but with what happen I guess he was afraid of a repeat. 

I got up at 1 when they went for lunch. The surgery had cut the bloating issues, so what I thought was just excessive weight was just bloating and water, the jeans fit again but I was wearing the larger ones still because the doctor ordered it. I was still mostly asleep at lunch and I considered going back to sleep but I’d done a lot of that already. The walk would be nice and I hadn’t attended one in a while. 

“Would it hurt me to walk with you guys today?” I asked. 

“The doctor didn’t forbid walking, but you can’t speed walk.” Zac said. 

“I think it would help you actually, you’ve been kind of sluggish. I guess the medication the doctor has you on to cause.” Taylor said. 

“Sluggish?” I asked. 

“Yeah, you don’t normally sleep all day and all night.” 

Yeah, well, I don’t usually…no, I couldn’t think of that word. I was in the hospital for appendix issues. 

“Maybe.” 

I was with them when they planned because incase I fell behind it would let me know where to go. Sierra came in before we went outside, declared she was walking too. I didn’t think that meant she was walking with me though, she really hadn’t said much to me since the confrontation in the room in Royal Oaks. I actually listened to Taylor’s speech, not that it had changed and then we set out. It was near instant that a selected few fans began their banter. I was still “fat” according to them, I was still cheating, and he was still finding blondes. I ignored them for the first half. 

“Bet she can’t make the hill.” She remarked. 

“Last time she tried she nearly fell out, remember Flora telling us.” 

“Oh god, yes that was hilarious.” 

Sierra looked over at me and I was trying very hard to remain calm, but I hadn’t felt this in years. We followed Isaac and they kept on, even he was turning and looking at them. We paused at a red light, waiting for it to change, Isaac was talking about their trip to Africa, which was before I met them. 

“She looks like a tramp, she probably is.” 

“You know they found a picture of her with some heavy metal band. Oh my god. You have to see it, she looked like the band’s personal little toy.” 

I turned my fingers in, let the ends of my nails dig into my palm. I was not the person Sierra knew seven years ago. They truly had no right to talk about me but I also didn’t want to piss off anyone, namely Isaac and Taylor and especially not Zac. They kept talking and because I knew I was about to say something I just moved away and started down the street. I’d beat them back but that was fine. I could hear the shoes on the pavement behind me and turned. 

“Don’t follow me back, I don’t need a babysitter.” 

“Sure about that? Last time you went off alone you ended up in the hospital.” 

“Yeah, I would have ended up there regardless to what happened that day Sierra. It had nothing to do with Max.” 

“Still.” 

“Whatever.” 

I went back to the venue and they let us both back inside but I just wanted a quiet corner somewhere to calm down. 

“You want to tell me what the problem is now?” 

“I told you, I don’t have one.” 

“Seven years Skye. You just left, you didn’t bother to find me, you didn’t bother to call me, you just left.” 

“I told you! I caught Newton with Mary.” 

“I don’t believe that’s why you left, I believe you caught him because really he’d been fucking her for weeks. That’s not why you left Skye.” 

“I caught my boyfriend having sex with another woman, what other reason did I need?” 

“Then turn around and tell me to my face that you didn’t leave because I told you I loved you.” 

Not happening, not now. I just needed to get the fuck away from everyone, I started down to the stage, trying to get away and she just followed. 

“You can’t can you? You didn’t leave because you caught him, did you?” 

I was not having this conversation right now, not ever really. I was trying my best to get away from her and just find a nice, quiet room where I was forget the world existed. 

“Damnit Skye talk to me! You’ve been acting like I don’t exist since I got on this fucking tour. You don’t want to really talk to me, you don’t hang out with me, all we do is argue. It is not me. It’s you. Face it Skye, you ran away because of me. Because you couldn’t deal with the fact that you were in love with a girl. You used Newton and Mary as an excuse to just fucking run.” 

I stopped near the stage and looked at her. “I left because I caught them.” 

“No, that’s not why. You never believe anyone when they tell you they love you. You say the words back but you don’t ever believe them yourself.” 

“You didn’t love me Sierra, you just loved the sex with me. You loved that I was some wild ass party girl who had no restrains on anything. You loved that I’d drink until I couldn’t move, I’d do whatever drugs you put in front of me, you loved the idea of that person. You never loved me.” 

“Bullshit. There was a lot more to you than that. You should know I’d never tell you I loved you without meaning it. Do you even believe Zac?” 

“Yes.” 

“You’re lying. You don’t believe him you follow along but you’re still living in a fucking fantasy world.” 

I snorted. “I stopped living in a fantasy world when I met Simon.” 

“Really? The mysterious guy that no one talks about. You never stopped, you’re still there. Thinking everything is fine and dandy.” 

“Simon is my ex-boyfriend, the one right before Zac. Simon didn’t believe in fairy tales or happy endings, all he believed in was absolute control. I didn’t cut my hair, he did. I didn’t want to stop dying it but he made me. When I touched it up he spanked me and when he was certain I couldn’t sit down for days he held me down and cut it, just because I touched it up. When he found out that I’d been with a lot of guys before him, he told me I had no rights to ever tell him no. Believe me Sierra, he didn’t give a shit if I told him no. He’d just spank me and do it anyway. I stopped believing in fairy tales a long time ago.” 

“Then what’s the problem?” 

I guessed no one cared if I was upset, what was a little more stress? I couldn’t do anymore harm now, I’d already…No! Can’t go there! It was clear she wasn’t going to back off and the boys should be back shortly too, so there was no point in dragging it on. 

“I already knew he was cheating on me. Catching him was the perfect excuse to get the fuck off that bus. No one ever loved me Sierra, it’s not possible. Jacob told me that many years ago. Shawn left because of me, because he hated me. Max left because of me, because I was too clingy. I didn’t leave because you loved me, I left because I loved you. I left because I couldn’t handle you walking away like Shawn and Max did. It was far better to be the one leaving than the one being left. Are you happy now?” 

“No because you fucking left, you didn’t even give me a chance.” 

“You don’t get it Sierra. I couldn’t. Shawn is my brother and he just walked away, 12 fucking years he was there. He was the only reason I had to live and deal with Jacob. I was sure when he turned 18 we’d leave. But he left me there with a simple note that said he hated me. Max was like a replacement. I loved him and I wanted to be with him, but he just walked away. I didn’t even really get a reason, he just left. I couldn’t handle you walking away from me, I couldn’t risk that heartache anymore. Your words scared the fuck out of me and I had to go.” 

“Yet you married Zac after fourteen fucking days? He drops the love word and you just fall into the chapel?” 

“He didn’t tell me he loved me until New Years.” 

“Are you fucking kidding me? You went and married a guy you didn’t even love? How stupid is that?” 

“As stupid as every other decisions in my life because he didn’t ask Sierra. I suggested it as a joke. Neither of us thought it was real, we were going to talk when we got home but things happened and then I was nearly killed. I figured if he was willing to sit at the hospital day and night with me then he cares and that was all I wanted at the time.” 

“So you don’t love him at all, you’re just using him?” 

“No. I love him and he loves me.” 

“Bullshit.” 

I really couldn’t take another person hounding me over this marriage, I just couldn’t. I really just couldn’t deal with this. 

“You can’t run Skye, there is nowhere for you to go. You just have to face reality because you don’t live in a fantasy world. I was ready to be the person that loved you endlessly, forever and you just left. You think Tera didn’t call me and tell me you were there? How you jumped her the moment you arrived. Maybe it was best we didn’t talk about this. Sorry I asked. I’ll just pretend there is nothing here because that’s how you cope with everything apparently. Just pretend it doesn’t exist.” 

She walked by me and went up to the stage to make sure their equipment was set up right. I stood there until it was clear she was going to do just that, I then turned and walked to the bus, I really wanted to cut down the side and just run and never look back. Instead I sat down at the table inside. 

I’d just pretend it never happened. 

_No one will ever love you Gabriella. You should know that by now. We took you in for the check, not because we love you. Everyone will leave._

_I never loved you Gabby, it was just sex. Come on you knew that. It’s not my fault._

I got up and got the drawing pad again, maybe this time it’ll be something else, something brighter. I could only hope but what came out was nothing less than the last few had been. Only darker. 

“Gabby?” Zac asked. 

I looked up and found him standing there in front of me. “Yeah?” 

“You okay? Sierra said you just came out here.” 

“I can’t do anything inside, I just wanted to be somewhere familiar.” 

“Draw anything good?” 

I glanced down at the dark crib with cracks running through it. “Na, just doodling mostly.” 

“One of the fans asked about you, she saw you picture, asked if you really drew it. She was impressed.” 

“Must have been in the rear of the bunch.” 

“She was, dead last almost. Isaac said you cut out early, were you in pain?” 

Technically yes. “No. Just didn’t feel like finishing, I knew there was that hill and it might be best to avoid them.” 

He slid into the seat and laid his chin on my knees. “Want to go get dinner?” 

“Dinner? Don’t you have a sound check?” 

“Honey it’s after 6, out sound check is done. Isaac and Taylor ordered pizza but I really don’t want pizza. I want something different.” 

“Anything particular in mind?” 

He smiled which meant he did. “There is a diner about a mile from here, other direction from the walk. They make the best milkshakes in the world.” 

“The best in the world? Really?” 

“Homemade ice cream, fresh cream, any topping and even cherries.” 

“Glass cups?” 

“Lined with chocolate.” 

“You have my vote.” 

I closed the tablet and he let me up, it was nice to walk with him without the other 400 women around us. He had not lied about the milkshakes either, I’d ordered one thinking he had to be exaggerating a bit. I ended up finishing the first one before we even got the plates, ordered a second one this time going with something super fucking sweet. 

“The venue manager told us when we came in that he heard you and Sierra arguing. Is everything okay?” 

“Yep.” 

“What was it about? Because the two of you hardly talk.” 

“Nothing important, we’ve agreed to ignore each other.” 

He paused mid-bite and looked at me. “Agreed to?” 

“She wants me to be someone I’m not. I can’t be her wild sex kitten anymore, she’ll just have to deal with it.” 

“That is true, mostly.” 

“Sound check go okay?” 

“Yeah, Taylor did a good job with the wires and stuff, the venue staff pitched in too.” 

“I feel like I should be in a bubble.” 

“Eh, the bubble wouldn’t have stopped the appendix honey.” 

“True.” 

“Did you find a doctor in town?” 

“Yeah, I made an appointment for May 9th, it’s the Friday after we get in. It’s for 3pm.” 

“Who did you go with?” 

“Your recommendation, the others had iffy reviews.” 

“You’ll like him, I know you will. Did you um..make the other one?” 

“No. I asked Stella but I didn’t like the reviews. I sent Nicole an e-mail and asked, she hasn’t replied yet.” 

“Did Stella ask why?” 

“Nope. I told her it was for a routine checkup.” 

We finished dinner and I finished that second shake and we walked back to the venue, but I went to the bus it was more solitary than inside. I tried reading, tried fiddling with the programs but I wasn’t making much progress there, and I ended up drawing again. Another cracked rattle and after that I just put everything up and sat in the back in the quiet room. It remained absolutely silent until after the show and after they were done with loading us back up. Only then did the silence give way to conversations, laughter, and jokes. Yet, Sierra sat across from me and while she participated in the conversations around us, it was me she was staring at. 

_You just have to face reality because you don’t live in a fantasy world._

Reality. Reality was no one would ever love me, I’d just be there to show off. Reality was the fans would never like me, they’d never care who I was or what I could do. Reality was Maxwell and Simon were right, I had no ability to make decisions on my own. Reality was that I was just a whore and no matter what I done, I’d never be anything else. Reality was Simon was right, I was useless. Reality was I was still on the outside, like I always had been. 

I felt my hand unconsciously lay across my abdomen. The reality was I had lost a baby. I’d miscarried. 


	15. The Fan

POV: Gabby

  

May 2, 2008: Allentown, PA 

I felt better from the surgery and not as groggy as before but I was still drawing cracked cribs, broken rattles, and a new one involved broken hearts. It made no sense to me but who cared but me? Reality was here and now and nothing I did would change it. I’d avoided everyone on the bus except Zac, as long as I was near him I didn’t quite feel the need to run, didn’t feel the need to drown myself in vodka either. Sierra barely acknowledged me anymore, which was fine. It kept the bus free of tension and my not really interacting was keeping everyone sane I guess. I had participated in the Falls Church, Virginia walk and despite the excessive comments about my weight I’d managed to keep my anger in check. I’d simply ignored that anyone else was there even if I did almost get run over by some guy on a bike. Least it wasn’t a car. 

The morning for me was spent viewing the dozen e-mails from Simon, they now were just put downs. No pictures, so I rarely opened them. I already knew how worthless and useless I was, I didn’t need a reminder. Max had sent a few e-mails included pictures of us as kids, wanting me to remember the good times. I saved the pictures but mostly deleted them too. I did send Shawn a few dozen of the ones I’d taken and I sent Abby some as well. I then occupied the time around lunch with fiddling with the graphics programs. There was no need to draw, I knew what would come out. Here, it seemed less but nothing seemed really good. 

I ate lunch with Zac before the walk because really, he wouldn’t let me just not eat, so I may as well at least enjoy the company. I then helped them chose a route, because I couldn’t do hills, they had to chose something I could handle or provide me an alternate route back. I felt pretty good when we walked out, felt okay as we started and yeah I heard a few talking but nothing major. A quarter in my phone rang and it was Max. 

“What do you want?” 

“Where are you?” 

“Walking, where I am doesn’t matter.” 

“Whatever. Did you release any of the pictures that Newton took of you?” 

“No but some existed before. Why do you care?” 

“Because one of you topless with black hair just got tweeted to you. Guess you should care now.” 

He then hung-up and I checked and by now the four Carrick had found had been tweeted to me with bad and negative messages. The few around me must have gotten them too. It wasn’t bad but the picture of me in Sierra’s lap seemed to be the favorite especially when people connected who she was. The next messages were all ones about us, because suddenly we were dating and Zac and I was just a cover and I was using him. 

We stopped for the mid-way speech which I barely listened to now because I had it memorized. But I could hear them whispering around me, I was a whore and a slut, I was using him, the unlikely he was having sex with us both, and for some reason it was beginning to bother me. Max calling had irritated me and these comments were just adding to it. 

Sierra seemed to materialize from nowhere. “I told you they’d get worse.” 

“Nothing that wasn’t already out there.” 

She leaned in very close which seemed to set off the ones around me, I swear the camera clicks were making music! 

“It won’t take long to find the others.” 

“Thought you weren’t talking to me?” 

“Fantasy land is coming down Skye.” 

They shifted and began to walk and I followed the beginning, staying near Isaac. A few times he looked back like he heard the fat whale comments, the ones calling me a tramp, and I was just not feeling this today. I’d walked away last time because I just couldn’t and here I was again. We stopped at the corner to cross and they just kept on. I moved closer to Ike hoping that maybe they’d back off if someone in the band actually heard them but that did nothing. 

“Stacy did you hear? There is a girl from Rochester saying she hooked up with Zac after the show and she might be pregnant.” 

“Wow, I wonder how Mrs. Whale would respond to that.” 

They laughed but I knew damn well he hadn’t, they’d packed up and left and he, Taylor and I had drive to Albany the next day when I was released. He had been with them the whole time. 

“He’ll probably divorce the slut and go be with his baby’s mama.” 

I dug my nails in, but it was a quick reminder that I wouldn’t ever be his baby’s mom. I was just fucked up and he deserved so much better than me. We paused again to cross and I saw Sierra move up beside me. 

“Kitten?” She asked. 

“Oh my god, kitten? Meek little kitten no wonder he’s just fucking everything around and impregnating other women!” 

She looked stunned when I stopped and turned around. “You need to shut the fuck up little girl before I shut you up. I’ve had about enough of your fucking comments. I am not a tramp. Your Rochester bitch is the tramp and if you want to keep calling me names, do it to my face.” 

She stood there and blinked and I swear I heard the birds chirping over the silence. She and her friends simply stood there very quietly, stunned looks as if they didn’t think I could hear them. Most everyone had stopped. 

“We…we weren’t talking about you.” She stammered. 

“Bull shit. You said my name not five minutes ago when you called me a fat whale, might want to look in the mirror before you start calling other people names. But, really you’re just a bunch of fucking cowards. You talk behind my back like you think I can’t hear you. I am no meek little kitten, you may want to spread the word little girl I’m done taking your insults. You need a new hobby.” 

“Gabriella.” Isaac said. 

He got my arm and I pulled away from him. “No. I’m done with this pathetic childish shit.” 

I pulled away and headed off to the venue. I heard her shoes on the pavement behind though, what the fuck was her problem? 

“Go away.” 

“Not a chance.” 

I turned on her. “Fuck you. You lay your bullshit guilt at my feet and act like you’re some high mighty bitch. I ran but you didn’t have the balls to fucking find me. Not once in seven fucking years did you try. You want to say I ran because you told me you loved me? Fuck that. I made the right choice because you would have just fucking walked away.” 

“Calm down Kitten.” 

“Calm down? This is what you wanted!” I yelled. 

“What I wanted was for you to stop taking this shit and just brushing it aside. Say something. But you don’t have to hit them to get your point across with them or me.” 

“Fuck this.” 

I turned and headed back, ignored her the rest of the path. I slammed the door behind me, but there was nothing I could do. I had nothing here that I could take the anger out on. Nothing but the drums but that could bust the stitches which would be even worse. So I stuck to pacing back and forth in front of the stage. I heard Isaac scream my name and I didn’t bother to tell them where I was. 

“What the hell was that?” Isaac yelled. 

He was livid and he had reason, they were fans and they cared about their fans. Fuck I really didn’t like to think Maxwell was right. Zac may care, but did the others really see me as anything but the bitch that got him drunk and married him? Always on the outside. 

“You heard them Isaac. Do you just expect me to take it and go?” 

“In fact I do. You have the whole fucking tour, I am sure they are not the only ones that have said something.” 

I saw Taylor and Zac running down the side of the venue followed by the rest of the crew. 

“That’s the whole problem, I never should have. I should have told the first fucking bitch that called me a whore to shut her trap. But I was being nice.” 

“Nice? This is nice?” 

“Isaac.” Taylor said. 

Zac moved in front of me and I could see where this was going really fast. They had a show tonight and this didn’t need to effect that. I was yet again on the outside, I couldn’t win this. It didn’t matter what Zac said now, fact is the fans supported them and I wasn’t anything but the girl he drunkenly married. 

“It’s not right, she can’t just unload on fans for no good reason. We’ve all dealt with being called names, how many called you a girl Taylor?” 

“Not the same Isaac.” 

“She can’t just do that!” 

“Be lucky she didn’t stomp her ass.” Sierra said. 

“What the hell do you mean?” Taylor asked. 

“Shut up Sierra.” I snapped. 

“No, let her talk. Perhaps we need to know this.” Isaac said. 

“It’s nothing. It’s not who I am!” I said. 

“Gabby.” Zac said. 

I looked at him expecting some form of support but just the look said he really was on their side here. I really should have expected that since fans are important to them. But, really I expected that wives and girlfriends would trump even fans. 

“Fine, everyone just wants another reason to hate me anyway. I jumped a girl when I was 17, beat the hell out of her because she was doing the exact same shit. Constantly calling me names, putting me down, and I tried telling her to back off and she wouldn’t. I snapped and it was just good that Newton was there to pull me off her. Six months probation and a sealed juvenile record. The most illegal thing I’ve done wasn’t drugs, it was assault.” 

I then just walked away. I found a room with a locking door and I locked myself in because I needed to calm down and I needed to be away from everyone to do that. It helped that none of them knew what room I went too. I could hear Carrick and his band doing sound check and then I heard the boys do sound check. 

I had regretted hitting her after when I was calmer, didn’t even care that I had probation and community service, it was all sealed in my juvenile record because I wasn’t even 18 when probation was over. I’d done very well after that with containing things and dealing with them. I wasn’t stupid I know the fans are what keeps them in business and any actions I or even their girlfriends done could effect that. Would it make everyone of them hate us? Not likely. But I didn’t want the fans to hate me because I understood being the fan of something. I’d been a fan of music my entire life. 

I’d done very well until today, why would today be any different? But it really wasn’t the day or the comments, reality was I wasn’t the wife he needed. I checked my phone about eight, I made fan headlines again. Now I was insane and so jealous of the fans, I was rude and intolerable, I guess my explosion didn’t matter, they no more cared how I felt than anyone else did. About 8:15 I got up, I couldn’t hide here all night. I was rather shocked to see Zac sitting across from the door, dressed for the show and ready but just sitting there. 

“I figured you’d come out before we went on stage.” 

“How long have you been sitting there?” 

“Right after sound check, figured quiet meant you were okay but you know any loud noises and I was breaking the door down.” 

“You didn’t have too.” 

He got up. “Of course I did. You are my wife Gabriella and I love you. I have no idea what happened but when you stormed out Sierra stopped me, told me it was better if I left you alone for a bit that you would calm down and when you were ready, you’d find us.” 

“No need to find anyone, I’m pretty sure I have a ticket home by now. I was just going to pack.” 

“Why would you have a ticket home, there are four shows left.” 

“I screamed at fans, pretty sure I insulted them too. Pretty sure Ike’s going to send me home.” 

“Ike isn’t sending you anywhere. Sierra kind of pointed it out at the hospital, I guess I didn’t quite think it was bothering you as much as it was. I saw tweets, I saw the messages going back months Gabby. They’re horrible and I guess on some level I thought you’d be like Stella and Nicole, able to shake it off and move on, you really seemed to be doing that but Sierra kind of pointedly told me that you aren’t them.” 

“I tried to be, I kept telling myself that they’d eventually stop. I don’t know what happen today.” 

“Sierra said she heard them talking about New York and while you were agitated before that done it. What did they say?” 

“That one of their friends hooked up with you after the show.” 

“Which you know isn’t true.” 

“That’s not what done it, her friend told her she was pregnant by you.” 

“Which you know isn’t true. Why didn’t you just tell me it was bothering you this badly?” 

“So you can what Zac? Post on Twitter to be nice to me? It didn’t work before, you refused to go out because of a few. They just blamed me. Pretty use to it, it’s always been my fault.” 

He closed the gap and moved some of my hair. “It’s not your fault. You aren’t doing anything to them and you don’t deserve to have them constantly putting you down. You have every right to stand up to them and defend yourself. Is Ike upset? Yeah, he is. Is Tay upset? Yep.” 

“Is Zac upset? You are.” 

“I’m upset with me for not recognizing that this was a major problem. I’m not upset with you.” 

“But they’re your fans.” 

“Yes. But fans come and go Gabriella. The ones doing this obviously aren’t good fans, I mean why would they hurt you knowing that would affect me too?” 

“How does it affect you?” 

“I love you, whatever hurts you does me too. They hurt you and it hurts me to see you that way. I don’t really know what would make them stop, but really Gabriella you are more important to me than they are. They may not even be fans next year, they may never come to another show again, but you will always be there.” 

“But...Ike’s right I can’t just…” 

“No, Ike wasn’t right.” He said. 

I blinked, where has he come from?! He’s just literally like materialized there. 

“What?” 

“I wasn’t right, while I don’t believe beating the shit out of a fan is the proper way to handle it. I thought they weren’t that bad really, I didn’t realize the extent; I just heard mild stuff I didn’t hear it all. You didn’t hit anyone and you only told them to basically say it to you and not behind you.” 

“But you are upset, so was Taylor.” 

“We all were because we didn’t understand, we know there are fans that are quite brutal. We’ve seen the comments on the weight and all, but you can’t let that affect who you are. Honestly, you have done remarkable the whole tour. Are the fans the reason Sierra saved you before the appendix?” 

“It was a combination of them, the pain, and the hill.” 

“I’m sorry I reacted that way.” 

His hugs didn’t feel like he felt that way and I was sure it was more Zac telling him to apologize than him really wanting too. But I didn’t say anything, I still had a week before the end of the tour. Because they had to go on the conversation was cut short. Yet I was a bit shocked that Isaac addressed the issues at the start of the show, it would probably just make everything worse but I watched anyway. I would be glad when we were back home and away from nosey, rude bitchy fans. 

When the show ended that night I stayed out of the way as they loaded everything, I watched from the back door as the boys signed autographs, took pictures, and interacted with the fans. The one I screamed at seemed to snicker at me when he signed her book, like she’s won something major. The fact that he declined to hug her or take another picture pretty much said she hadn’t won shit. Especially when the next girl got all three. I followed him to the bus when he nodded to me, she was still there and I just couldn’t resist I waved at her as I got on the bus. She got an autograph, I got to do whatever I wanted. 

We settled into the back for the ride to Lancaster, it didn’t feel tense. 

“So, you beat some chick up?” Austin asked. 

I looked over at him. “Yeah.” 

“Never would have thought you to be the violent type. Is that why you are so good at blowing them up on games?!” 

I giggled a bit. “Maybe. It wasn’t who I wanted to be so I just worked on not resorting to that behavior.” 

“I think you did a good job. I mean, one girl isn’t bad.” 

“Well..she wasn’t the first girl I’d ever hit but she was the only one I hit more than once.” 

“More than one?” 

“Should I be alarmed?” Zac asked. 

“What? You think Abby stays away when I’m mad because she just wants too? No, she learned the hard way. She over stepped it after Shawn left. The only other girl was at school, didn’t like how she tripped Abby.” 

“And Abby never warned me.” Zac said. 

The others giggled but Sierra still stared, she didn’t even know about Abby. So, news to her too. Zac and several others started a game and I decided that reading was needed, so I found a good action drama story and began to read, choosing to go to bed when Zac did.


	16. Just One

POV: Gabby

  

May 20, 2008 

My doctor’s appointment the 9 th said that the appendix removal was healing the way they liked. Zac had called to request a battery of tests to ensure nothing else could possibly be wrong. I think this whole no sex with the wife was not pleasing to him. They did not clear me but a follow up was June 4 th and that would determine if I was cleared or not. The OBGYN had gone well too, she had cleared me for normal activity but really, I couldn’t because of the stitches and stuff. 

We had a huge barbeque last Saturday for Shawn’s birthday and I still felt like an outsider. Sierra was actually in town and had came to his party but she kept her distance from me. She couldn’t deny that she never tried to find me after I left, if she truly loved me she would have. 

I hadn’t bothered to draw anything in over a week, the last time I tried it was the same cribs and stuff, so I just left it alone and absorbed myself in video games with Zac. He was due at the studio at 10 and I was going to run some errands. He got up at 8 but he clearly didn’t want to go in. 

“You feeling okay?” 

“Yeah, just blah. I’d rather stay home and sleep really.” 

“Well, they’ll never forgive you if you don’t come in. I am sure you’ll be fine.” 

He hadn’t really seemed thrilled to be home, but I guess it was home and not playing was different. The fast paced tour life was slowed here and there was more boring times. They had apparently chosen not to do any events this year either, which they had done last year. But they did have another EP in the works for a book they were currently working on. 

“Are you going to the store while you’re out?” 

“Yep. Request?” 

“I’ve wanted a homemade burger for weeks. Can you get the stuff and if I can’t tonight then I will tomorrow for sure.” 

“Sure, uh..if there is anything you specifically need write it down.” 

“Deal.” 

He made me a list of what he would need or what he wanted and then he got ready to leave. Watching him get dressed was enticing but I knew I couldn’t do anything but I wanted too. But at the same time I really didn’t because what if we messed up again? I was responsible for one lost baby, I didn’t want to be responsible for another one. Because we had one car I took him to the studio and dropped him off and then went and run the errands. I paid bills first, including the car insurance, phone, and rent which included utilities. I got lunch in town, something cheap and quick and then went to the grocery store. 

The list was long but it was mind-numbing tasks like these that kept me from thinking much, kept me from analyzing the way he looked or acted, stopped me from analyzing my own thoughts. I picked up the list items and found a few we needed that I had forgotten about, like shampoo. But crossing the store took me by the baby section and I actually paused because a very pretty pink dress caught my eye. Before I knew what had occurred I had picked it up and was actually looking at the details. But I finally remembered there would be no baby so I hung it back up, dragged myself away from that section and I finished the shopping. I got back to the house about one and unloaded the car. 

“Since when do you have a car?” Abby asked. 

“Geez! Why are you here?” 

“I came to keep you company, I thought you were home.” 

“Zac sent me to run errands like paying bills and groceries. It’s his car, I dropped him off at the studio” 

“Nice. Domestic duties, he lets you drive? Does he know your history?” 

“Funny, I haven’t had any wrecks.” 

“I know. Need help?” 

“By all means.” 

She grabbed bags and with her help one trip was it. She dropped the bags on the counter and so did I, after making sure we’d closed the car doors I used the keys to lock the car up and then we began to unpack the bags. 

“Condoms? You are married and you use these? Really, this the right kind and size?” 

“We didn’t have any here but we can’t even use them until I’m cleared. I know what brand and size to get.” 

“But you’re married.” 

“So? There not just for single people.” 

“Well, they are pretty effective for birth control too.” 

I paused as I sat the can of beans in the cabinet. “Yeah.” 

“I’m assuming he didn’t want children, I know you don’t.” 

“Why do you say that? We’ve never even talked about that.” 

“We did Gabby, when you were thirteen, my mom had that scare and you said you never wanted them. I assumed that never changed since you really never mention them and the few times we were around them, you wanted nothing to do with the baby.” 

I put up a few more canned items. “We haven’t talked about it.” 

“Oh, well really I mean not even a year together you might want to wait, probably better.” 

I just nodded, because it didn’t matter anyway it didn’t seem like my body would ever give him a baby anyway. 

“Oh my god, seriously? You bought him thongs?” 

“I did but I doubt I’ll convince him to wear them. But maybe if I play my cards right.” 

“Good luck. Have you heard from Max?” 

“Not in a couple of weeks. Pretty much ignored his messages because really, what was his point?” 

“He did love you like a friend.” 

“No he didn’t, if he did he would have supported me more and not hit me or put me into a wall.” 

“That is true. Do you think your friendship may survive this?” 

I turned and looked at her. “Tell me you weren’t stupid enough to go back to him.” 

“We’re not together but we’re talking about things. I love him but I just don’t like the idea of sharing and I don’t think I can. I thought about it but I want something one on one. I wouldn’t mind exploring but what he talks about isn’t that, it’s basically him having sex with multiple women each week.” 

“I don’t share, period.” 

“I can understand why. Do you think you’d still be with Zac even if you hadn’t gotten married?” 

“Yes, but I think I’d be living with Stella instead of here. At least for several months.” 

“How is she?” 

“She’s fine, we went shopping last week.” 

“The fans have died down on their messages.” 

“I haven’t really been on Twitter or anything since we got back home, just when we got back I was tired and then the primary and the OB it’s been traveling for records here and there.” 

“OB? Why did you see an OB?” 

“Yearly exam. I also did ask about birth control but she went over like four different ones and they all had stupidly bad side effects. Bullshit on that. Condoms are cheaper, as effective and no side effects.” 

Unless you didn’t use them all the time, in which case the primary side effect is pregnancy and miscarriage. I finished putting away the grocery items and then got the things that needed to go to the bedroom. 

“I’ll be right back, going to put these up right quick. Make yourself at home, cups are beside the fridge and there are snack items I just put up beside them. Shouldn’t take me long.” 

“Okay.” 

She got off the stool and went beside me to get a cup and I grabbed the two bags from the counter and took them to the bedroom, putting the items up took about 15 minutes as I also checked the bandage while I was in the bathroom. At this point it was just making sure there was no blood and the stitches looked fine. When I finished I walked back to the front. 

“So, how is your…” 

I stopped because she was looking at me very concerned and sitting in her lap was my drawing tablet and she had apparently seen all of the last few. 

“Gabriella why do you have more than ten drawings of broken cribs, cracked rattles, leaking bottles and broken toys?” 

“It’s just what came to me.” 

“Don’t lie to me. This is not what comes to you, these are.” 

She flipped back to the dozens of Sierra, naked and not. I tried just ignoring her by going to get a drink and hoping she’d drop it. But she simply stared at me when I sat down beside her and waited. 

“I know how you draw Gabriella, I may never have thought it was a good career choice but it doesn’t mean I never paid attention. You draw how you feel and what is in your head. These were all done after New York, after you went to the hospital. Zac told everyone you had your appendix removed, is that true?” 

“I have the four inch incision to prove that, that’s why I was there.” 

“Talk to me Gabby. Why are you drawing these things? They even get worse as you go, you even have color in this one. Talk to me.” 

“I don’t want to talk to you. Isn’t that obvious? I went to the emergency room because my appendix ruptured. It’s nothing more.” 

She turned the pad around and flipped the pages, so many drawings of cribs and baby items. 

“Then why did these occur? Are you pregnant? Is this because you’re scared?” 

“No...” 

Yet my eyes never left the page, the broken crib and I could even see the little small tear circles on the page. She was quiet for a moment but it wouldn’t take her long to put the pieces together. 

“You aren’t now but you were? You started these after New York, you found out then. Fuck…I’m going to fucking kill Max.” 

“It wasn’t his fault, it was mine. Zac asked the doctor about that. I wasn’t far enough along for anything Max did to have an effect. All my fault.” 

“Did you do something?” 

“I don’t know but when I woke up from the surgery I knew he didn’t tell me everything. Once the others left I asked, he just said the doctor told him I’d…no reason was given.” 

“So..Max’s wall thing before that didn’t do anything?” 

“No. Pretty sure I was….” 

I knew this information but I just couldn’t get the words out of my mouth. They caught right there, unable to come out. 

“How come Zac didn’t tell anyone?” 

“I told him not too, I didn’t…His Mom lost..” 

The tablet was moved and she was suddenly there, pulling me over onto her should. “It’s okay. Sometimes they just happen, it doesn’t mean it was anyone’s fault. Stephanie had two before she had Steven, it just happens sometimes.” 

It didn’t help any but I did feel a little better with her arms around me. 

“So, um…why you drawing naked women?” 

Leave it to Abby to know what to say. “It’s Sierra.” 

“THE Sierra?” 

“Yeah…she was the drummer for Carrick and Austin, Mikey left. It’s been tense.” 

“I’d say so. Tell me about her.” 

Talking about Sierra was easy, until I reached the last few conversations which I didn’t mention at all, it was going for three-forty by then and she had to head back home. She had a few classes left and was taking one online and had to sign in at 4:30 for a lecture. I put the tablet in the portfolio and in the process seen the napkin with Tera’s address. I hadn’t been able to throw it away but least it was out of sight most the time. Zac called at 3:50 and I answered. 

“You make it home okay?” 

“Yep. Errands ran, groceries put up, I remembered shampoo!” 

“Good! I’ll need it when I get home. Which should be about six, Taylor and Stella are having dinner and he’s dropping me off.” 

“I could come get you.” 

“Naa, he can drop me off. Least he can do since he caused me to fall backwards off the stool!” 

“Are you okay?” 

I went to the bedroom to gather dirty clothes, I hadn’t washed anything in over a week. We were running low on towels. 

“Yeah, my back hurts a bit but I was kind of hoping that you wouldn’t mind a back rub after dinner.” 

I smiled. “Long as your naked I won’t.” 

“Naked huh? That can totally be arranged.” 

I giggled. “Sounds like a plan to me.” 

“Any idea what you want for dinner?” 

“Oh, I know what I want I just can’t have it. But, I got a lasagna so I’ll put it in about five, by the time you get home and settled, should be done.” 

I carried the basket over to the laundry room and began tossing them in. 

“What can’t you have? I didn’t recall any diet restrictions.” 

“I can’t have you naked and doing a lot more than laying there. Couple more weeks.” 

He giggled. “Couple more weeks. Just checkin in, making sure you’re okay.” 

“I am. Abby came over for a bit, but she left a little while ago, she has a lecture online.” 

“Nice, no Max though?” 

“Nope.” 

“That’s good. Okay, gonna head up and get busy. Couple hours and I’ll be home.” 

“Okay, love you. See you in a bit.” 

“I love you. See you soon.” 

I hung-up and finished loading the machine, set the dials and started it and then headed to the front to pick up, but there was something by the door. I walked over and there was a large eight by ten envelope laying in the floor, I opened the door because it obviously was pushed under, but no one was outside. 

“Strange.” 

I closed the door and picked up the envelope. My name was printed in black ink on the front, there was no address or return address, so someone had to have dropped it off. I walked to the couch and sat down, opened it. I pulled out a set of pictures, the backs were to me so I laid the envelope down and then turned them around. 

Then I just stared, the one on top was Zac and some blonde girl, his arms were around her and while all I saw was her hair, it looked like she might be kissing him, at the bottom of the page it said N. Dakota. The next one showed him with another girl, different shirt and she had highlights of green, I actually remembered that hair color, Utah was on the bottom. Utah was after I told him why Sierra called me kitten, after discussing actual wedding plans. The next one was from Seattle and it was outside beside the bus, the same blonde whose key card I’d taken, how could he do that right there? It explained why she was such a bitch during the show. 

The next photos wasn’t sexual just loving, it was labeled Indiana. I really wanted to stop but I kept flipping them and Michigan, some girl was pinned against the wall, while Max had cornered me, put me into a wall he’d been fucking some blonde bitch. It explained why Sierra came first and even Austin! The next picture seemed to seal it, he was in a car with some blonde in his lap, I was pretty certain since she was naked he was partially. But at the bottom it said Rochester, NY. While I was in a hospital he was out fucking someone. The next three came from some of the last few shows and hell the very last one was dated the day I had the appointment for the OB! 

I just kept flipping through them, realizing that Maxwell had been right all along, he’d never even stopped. He had just lied to me, so what the hell was I to him? A cover? I’d lost a friend because I thought he really did care about me, but these pictures just proved he didn’t. I think what really hurt was he knew about the miscarriage before I did, it did explain why lack of sex didn’t bother him, he was off with everyone else, he didn’t need to come to me. Then why the fuck did he want the theatre? Recreating some bullshit time with someone else? 

It felt like the ring on my finger was burning through. Everything was a lie. My gut reaction was to go to Maxwell, he’d make everything better. But I had told him for months that Zac had changed and I’d told him I wouldn’t go to him if it turned out he was right. I couldn’t call Abby either she’d call him. But I could feel that pain again, the same shit I felt when Shawn left and when Max walked out. He wasn’t telling me to leave, fuck that. I started to call Sierra but she didn’t fucking care either. 

_If he’s not making you scream then look me up. I can make sure you scream and get that confused look in your eyes to just go away._

It was like autopilot that I got up and found the napkin, printed neatly was her phone number and address. I didn’t need the number. I took one more look at the photos and it was his face in every one of them, I laid them out on the table and placed my phone down on top, the last thing I did was put my wedding band on top of the New York one. I then got up and left as bad as it hurt, I couldn’t handle it. I no longer knew what to do. 

I arrived at the two story brick house at 6:30, I was barely able to even speak as the entire walk took far too long and allowed me to think far too much. I rang the bell and for a moment I wondered if this was even her address. But when the door opened, there she was. Her hair was still red and she was wearing a mini skirt, corset top that showed the soft cleavage I really wanted to be against right now. She had her heels on too, making her slightly taller. I had no idea what the hell I looked like. 

For a moment I feared she was going to turn me away and if she did I was fucked. But she smiled and held her hand out and I gladly took it, letting her pull me into her arms. 

“It’s okay Sugar, come inside.” 

I followed her inside which was just as nice as outside. She lead me away from the main room and to the back. Never asked what was wrong she found a room that had no one in it and when she sat down she pulled me into her lap. She didn’t care that I cried, didn’t care that I just clung to her. She just told me it was okay and that she was there. I have no idea how long I sat there with her but around eleven maybe we went to the front, several people I recognized. 

“Skyefrost! Where the hell have you been? And what the fuck are you wearing? Are those granny pants? You got granny panties on too?!” 

“Daniel, shut up.” Tera said. 

“What? She waltz in wearing that shit come on.” 

“Ignore him Sugar, you know how he is.” 

“She should know how I am.” He wiggled his eyebrow at me. 

I did know him, including what position he liked, but I didn’t want that I just wanted to feel normal again. Included and loved. So, I sat beside her and not them. 

“Fuck, you really going to be a lesbian now? God damn Skye, I was hoping for a lot more.” 

“Keep wishing, only bed she’s coming to is mine.” Tera said. 

I hadn’t planned hers either but whatever, I liked the way she hadn’t told me what to feel, what to do, or what I needed to do. She’s held me as I cried, kissed my forehead when I needed it, and told me shit would be fine. It was Kyle that brought out the bag of white powder. 

“You joining us Skyebell?” 

“No.” 

For an hour I watched them and the thoughts came back, seeing him in the car with her in his lap, seeing him with blondes while I was laid up in a hospital, cramping because my body said no to a pregnancy I didn’t even know I wanted. I guess I was wrong about their possibly being another baby for him, it was apparently very possible. Yet, he’d stood there and told me it wasn’t true, when he knew it was. I could almost taste the powder on my tongue. I really shouldn’t though, it wouldn’t solve anything. 

“Sugar?” Tera asked. 

“Yeah?” 

“One line won’t hurt you, may help calm those thoughts down.” 

Guess it was clear there was a dozen running though my head. “I shouldn’t…” 

I knew I shouldn’t, one line would lead to two and then three…but her warm eyes were looking at me and then she leaned in and playfully nipped my ear lobe. 

“But you want to.” Her voice was low, seductive even. 

“But I shouldn’t, Tera.” 

Daniel cut several more lines and again I could taste it. She got up and left me sitting in the chair and she settled down across from him, he cut the two lines in front of her. 

“Whatever is making you sad, let us take it away for a while. Face it later Skye.” He said. 

I really shouldn’t but god I hurt so bad, he hadn’t left but it felt worse than when Shawn left and worse than when Maxwell left me there. Tera turned around and held her hand out again, such a simple gesture as someone wanting me there. 

“Come on, I’ll take good care of you. You know I will sugar.” 

I shouldn’t have but I took her hand and she lead me to where she had been in the floor, with two lines on the mirror. I leaned over and I could see the redness in my eyes, the puffiness, and the sadness. Sierra said live in reality. Reality was I was nothing more than a whore. I couldn’t be his wife, I couldn’t be a mother, all I would be is what I was right now. Nothing. 

The two perfect lines on the glass were pure white cocaine and they both burned like hell when I sniffed them up.


	17. Realization

POV: Zac

  

I told her 6 and it was now 6:15 and Taylor was finally ready to go. I’d sent her a text but she hadn’t replied, it was possible she was cooking or in another part of the apartment. The ride home felt long but I was counting on a massage and maybe more, going weeks at a time was not normal for me and she rarely made it easy on me! But I also knew it was worth it. My car was parked in the driveway when Taylor dropped me off so she was home. I expected to smell lasagna and maybe see her in a gown or some other short article of clothing but when I opened the door it was quiet. 

“Gabby?” I called. 

There was no response and the apartment didn’t smell like anything was cooking, I glanced into the kitchen the stove top was empty and the oven was off. Had she forgotten? 

“Gabriella? Where are you?” I called. 

She wasn’t in the kitchen or the living room, so I went through, the laundry room door was open and the washer indicated it was done, but she wasn’t there nor was she on the patio, the guest bathroom. or our bedroom. Fearing she’d fallen in our bathroom I ran there but it too was empty as well. 

Where the hell was she? I got my phone and called her but could faintly hear the ringing in the living and I followed it and then I paused. Her phone laid on the table in the living room on top of photos and there beside it was her wedding band. I picked up one of them and could feel the increased heart rate. I ran out of the apartment and down the street, she had to have walked! I ran all the way to the front gate. The attendant gave me a weird look. 

“Did my…wife…come through here?” 

“Mrs. Hanson? Yeah. She left walking about 4:45 maybe? She was just going for a walk but I haven’t seen her return, assumed she came in the back way.” 

“Thank you.” 

If she left that long ago, she could be anywhere by now and if she called someone to pick her up then she surely could be anywhere! I ran back to the apartment and checked the phone, she hadn’t sent any text messages or called anyone since she talked to me. I sat here and stared at the pictures before me. They were real ones, for sure I remembered a few of the encounters. But, these pictures were taken before I ever met Gabriella. My hair was super short in them and it wasn’t when I met her. The only two that seemed remotely new were the ones where I had my hand on their ass and those seemed to be edited because my arm was like super long, because the girl was short. I would bet the real pictures were somewhere on the internet. 

About 7:45 I called Abigail, if she left headed to anyone it would be her. Abigail would be pissed off and there was a chance she wouldn’t answer my call or if she did, she’d simply scream at me. I would take being screamed at to know that she was there and okay. I was shocked she answered and that it was her normal tone of voice, no sense of anger. 

“Hey Zac, I didn’t expect you to call me.” 

“Please tell me Gabriella is with you, I don’t care if you cuss me out afterwards just tell me she’s there.” 

“Sorry, I haven’t spoken to her since about three forty, I had to get back here for a lecture. Why would I cuss you out?” 

“She hasn’t called from any number?” 

“No. Why are you asking?” 

“She’s not here and it looks like she got pictures of me with other women, I swear to god Abby there not from this tour.” 

The other end of the line was quiet. “I’ll be there in 15, you better fucking open the door.” 

She arrived at 10 after 8 and I had the door open waiting, I didn’t want to piss her off too! The first thing she asked for were the pictures, which I handed to her. She glanced at them first and then kind of studied them, thank god I wasn’t ‘visible’ in any of them! 

She walked to the table and picked up the envelope they came in. 

“It wasn’t mailed, so someone had to drop them off and I am betting it’s someone that knows where she lives and that she was here alone. But, that’s a problem for later on.” 

She had me call Taylor, Isaac, my parents, Shawn and Stella. None of them had seen or heard from Gabby since the last time I spoke to her. Based on when the attendant saw her leave, she probably got them right after I hung-up. 

“Why did you even leave her alone?” 

“She’s fine Abby.” 

She looked at me stunned. “Fine? Have you even really talked to her lately?” 

“I talk to her every day Abigail.” 

“No Zac I mean really talk. Have you asked how she felt about your fans really? How she felt about anything?” 

“No Abigail, I don’t bother to ask common questions. Of course I ask.” 

“Have you seen her drawing pad?” 

“No. She won’t show me anything in it and she’s kept it pretty damn close to her the last few weeks.” 

“Where is it?” 

“I don’t know, if it’s not here probably in her portfolio.” 

She evidently knew where it was because she vanished and returned with the pad, showing me the dark ones. 

“I showed you that one.” 

“You didn’t tell me she kept on drawing these dark ones. Gabby is what I call an emotional drawer, she draws how she feels most the time, unless she’s given something specific. The problem is Gabby is also very closed off.” 

She flipped it to the last drawing and I stared at it a moment before taking it and then sitting on the sofa, scanning the previous ones too. The broken and cracked crib, decaying rattles, leaking bottles, broken toys it was all there. 

“Has she talked to you about the miscarriage at all?” 

“How do you even know?” 

She sat down. “I saw the condoms she bought and didn’t know, Gabby never wanted children. I’ve never seen her hold a baby of any age. She went to put them up and I saw it laying on the counter and just flipped to the last one then back, when she came out I asked.” 

“She told you?” 

“I guessed and she confirmed, she wouldn’t even say miscarriage or miscarried, she stopped like it was some word she couldn’t remember. How did she react when you told her?” 

“She cried, not like full blown breakdown but it was enough for me to believe she was hurting.” 

“Has she mentioned it at all?” 

“No…but when we got back to the hospital that night she had drawn a picture of a baby, the mother is a fan and missed the show because she had her. She evidently saw her in the nursery. Isaac and Taylor didn’t know about the miscarriage, no one else knows but you. Anyway, she’d drawn the baby.” 

It took me a few moments to find the picture and I handed it to her, Taylor had printed it off for her. 

“They said to take it to her and we did, she asked if she wanted to hold her but she refused. She asked Gabby for a picture of them, she needed to get something and just handed her the baby.” 

“How did she react?” 

“She didn’t. She just stood there like a statue and when Ella started screaming Isaac took her.” 

“You three were stupid enough to ask her to go back down there?” 

“She went there on her own! It’s the only way she could have seen that baby.” 

She picked up the one from Rochester. “This is why she left.” 

“They aren’t real! You can call my brothers and ask them Abigail. I never left their sight! I never did this. She’s the only person I’ve had sex with since September!” 

“She’s not going to see that Zac! All she saw in these photos was the location and what you were doing. She didn’t analyze them, she didn’t call to verify anything. She wouldn’t have paid any attention to your hair or clothes or the girls. The only thing she saw was that Max and I were right about you.” 

“Would she call him?” 

“No. I’d love to say I could call him and she’d be there asleep but I called on the way over. He hasn’t heard from her.” 

“Where would she go Abigail? She doesn’t know anyone.” 

“Is Sierra in town still?” 

“You know about her?!” 

“She told me about Sierra, she was dating Newton and he introduced them. Eventually they had sex and well, over months they rather fell for one another. Gabby called me freaking out when she told her she loved her.” 

“Loved her? Bullshit, they basically hate each other.” 

“Gabby ran Zac. She used Newton’s cheating behavior to justify her running away. Truth is she was afraid Sierra would leave her like Shawn and Max. I believe that Gabby loved her then, not now but then for sure. Did you call her?” 

“No.” 

I called Sierra to ask and she hadn’t seen her either. That was everyone that I knew. 

“Who would she go to?” 

“I don’t know Zac. She knows a lot of people but she hasn’t contacted them in years.” 

“She wouldn’t go to Simon would she?” 

“I hope not because if she goes there then Shawn will be calling you when she’s brought in.” 

That thought scared the hell out of me. She made a dozen more calls to people she knew but none of them had heard from her. I knew the police wouldn’t do anything until she’d been missing for 24 hours. 

“Why would she leave everything?” 

“It’s what she does when she’s hurt. Shawn left and she destroyed everything she’d drawn for him, which was pretty much everything. When Max left she just went fucking insane.” 

“I’m such an idiot.” 

“Now you know why we pushed for a divorce so much.” 

“You pushed because you hated me, had nothing to do with anything else. Don’t even try to say that wasn’t true.” 

“That was Max’s reason. He doesn’t like you for some reason, I can’t imagine why. Mine wasn’t because I particularly hated you, I actually think that you’d be good for her. You don’t party, you don’t do drugs, you rarely drink and you do care. But, you don’t know anything about her really.” 

“Doesn’t seem like you do either, you no more know where she is than I do.” 

“But I know why she left. I know why she snapped on your fan, I know why she’s been drawing fucking cribs for weeks, drawings you didn’t even know about. I don’t need her here to explain that shit to me Zac. She’s been under stress since you left on this tour. Fans calling her as whore, a slut, fat, a whale, constantly telling her that you are out doing this with others. She couldn’t walk in peace without bitches telling her shit. The appendix caused her to bloat up a bit and she thought she’d been over eating. But your fans didn’t give a shit, they just kept on and on.” 

“I addressed that!” 

“You stayed in two nights and your fans instant reaction was how much of a bitch she was for making you stay inside. They turned it all around on her, it was her fault you didn’t come out, she told you not too, she was jealous of them, you just wanted to pacify the fat cow was how one bitch said it. They still do it, but not as bad.” 

“Well, Mrs. Know it all why did she snap on the fan?” 

She got her phone and pulled up a video, the video was taken from a fan in front of her and I knew it was that walk, my god she looked miserable. 

_“Stacy did you hear? There is a girl from Rochester saying she hooked up with Zac after the show and she might be pregnant.”_

_“Wow, I wonder how Mrs. Whale would respond to that.”_

_They laughed. “He’ll probably divorce the slut and go be with his baby’s mama.”_

I could see Gabby’s face and her nails digging into her palms. Sierra came up and called her Kitten. 

_“Oh my god, kitten? Meek little kitten no wonder he’s just fucking everything around and impregnating other women.”_

She stopped the video because what came next was Gabby’s explosion. 

“She was fine until they mentioned the baby, her entire body language changed there and it’s clear that is something that is bothering her. As for why she ran my guess is she remembered that conversation when she saw that photo. In her mind Zac, while she was in the hospital hurting because she’d lost a baby, you were only wanting to make another one with someone else.” 

I didn’t even realize exactly how bad the fans truly were, sure I’d seen the message and the tweets and shit, but seeing them and how they took pleasure in hurting her was totally different. This wasn’t a tweet or a message on some photo she may never see, these girls knew she was there and knew she heard them. They could see how it affected her. 

“This isn’t going to help me find her.” 

“No. I’m sorry Zac, you won’t find her until she’s ready to be found. I’m going to go home and keep trying people maybe I’ll get lucky. You might want to do some web searching because I wasn’t against your marriage because I solely hated you. I was against it because thirteen days wasn’t enough time for you to be able to read her well. Months this has gone on and you haven’t known about it.” 

“You said she never wanted kids?” 

“She told me when we were thirteen, but based on those drawings and how detailed they are I would say miscarriage has certainly had an effect on her emotionally.” 

“I’ll call my friends and we’ll start early AM, I’ll just drive every street and road until I find her.” 

She got up and left without another word, I sat down and did a little searching, it didn’t take much to find the YouTube videos of her, the one of her backed against the fence afraid and hurting just pissed me off. I was a shitty ass husband and I deserved for her to leave like this. I’d done nothing to prove to her that while I said I loved her, I really did. At 11 Taylor called. 

“I just left Stella’s, why did you ask if we’d seen Gabby?” 

“Because she left, she left her phone here and her wedding band and I have no idea where she is.” 

“She what?” he asked. 

I actually heard tires squealing in the background. “Did you just slam on the brakes?” 

“I damn sure did. What the hell do you mean she left?” 

I explained it to him, but there wasn’t much he could do, so I told him to go home in the unlikely event she went there. I spent most of the night staring at my phone hoping she’d call, sleep evaded me until I really just couldn’t stay awake anymore. 

**May 25, 2008**

Everyone knew she’d left and they were all on alert, but I had not told anyone about the miscarriage though because she wasn’t here and I didn’t want them to freak out. Abigail was the only one that really knew still. 

We were at the studio but I was just staring at my phone. I’d spent Wednesday and Thursday driving the streets of Tulsa trying to find her, but I never did. Friday and Saturday I had to come here and I would fly home to see if she was back, but she wasn’t there. I had called everyone every day but no one had seen her or heard from her. Shawn had called everyone he remembered and nothing. 

“Zac?” Taylor asked. 

“What?” I asked. 

“Can we get this done today please?” 

“I don’t want to do anything Taylor but find my wife. Yet you dragged me in here.” 

“I’m sure she’s okay.” 

“Prove it, because she didn’t take a damn thing with her. No clothes, no money, no cards, not even her ID! She left everything at home because someone decided to play some cruel ass fucking joke.” 

“She’ll be fine Zac, she’s not an idiot.” 

I snorted. “Not like either of you care what happens to her.” 

“Excuse you, we know you’re tired and we’re going to excuse that bullshit right this minute but you need to watch your mouth. We drove the streets for two fucking days as well.” Isaac snapped. 

“You were fifteen feet from her when those bitches were calling her names, yet who did you get pissed off at? Her! Why? Because she fucking defended herself against them.” 

“I thought this was settled!” he said. 

“Settled my ass you never said you heard them! Fucking videos show you turning around! Fuck no wonder she fucking ran.” 

“It’s not my fault she ran Zachary! She ran because she thought you were being a whore again.” 

“Again? Fuck you Isaac.” 

“Guys calm down.” Taylor said. 

“Fuck it. You two wouldn’t even care if she was still pregnant. It’s not like either of you have to deal with any fucking thing, your girlfriends are fucking fine. They are at home and their jobs fucking safe! While my wife is god knows where with who the hell knows.” 

“Wow, if she was still pregnant? What the hell are you talking about Zac?” Taylor asked. 

Fuck! I couldn’t back track now. 

“Her appendix wasn’t the only reason she was at the hospital. The doctor told me when he took me back she miscarried, somewhere around five to seven weeks, he wasn’t sure.” 

“I thought you used condoms every time?” Isaac asked. 

“Yeah, well I didn’t think having sex with my wife was a bad thing Ike.” 

Taylor just looked stunned. “You let us drag her down to that room with a baby there, knowing she’d been told she lost a baby? God damn Zac, you could have said something.” 

“Like what? Sorry Tay, we can’t join you because we just lost a baby and it just feels like death warmed over to be seeing this newborn. I didn’t even think it would hurt but fuck.” 

“I can’t imagine how she felt.” Ike said. 

“Apparently she never wanted kids anyway, so I don’t know but she spent weeks drawing broken cribs and cracked rattles. So, I guess even though she never wanted them it hit her hard.” 

“You haven’t told Mom and Dad have you?” Taylor asked. 

“Oh come on Taylor, that would be beyond cruel. You know how much Mom hurt over losing Elizabeth and the others. There is no way I want to tell her that she’s lost a grandbaby too. She didn’t want anyone to know and I agreed. Why should we tell people we were expecting but not anymore.” 

“You said New York…did her fucking friend cause her to miscarry?” Isaac asked. 

Even I was taken aback by the venom in his voice. Taylor must have been too because he scooted away a bit. 

“No. I really wanted to blame him but the doctor said she wasn’t far enough for him to be able to do anything. He said there was no real reason, it just happened. Could have been stress, could have been from the appendix, could have been nothing at all.” 

“Why don’t we cut out and see if we can cover some more streets.” 

We got up and left, I kept driving the streets and waiting for her to call me. I ended up at home around 1 am, curled up on the sofa crying myself to sleep because what if she left Tulsa?! What if she got hurt and I couldn’t find her? 

The number of what if’s that could happen to her was extensive and none ended well. I was certain she wasn’t with Simon because he was still sending her e-mails and I just wanted to find him and strangle him or something. 

I’d finally broken down and called Maxwell myself yesterday and he sounded shocked that she’d been gone that long but he sounded sincere when he said she wasn’t with him. Yet, he also commented that he was certain if she left me, she would come to him, since she wasn’t there I had to be lying about her being home. His words were suspicious to me, because why would he assume she would come to him? Was he that cocky to believe she would just go to him? He didn’t believe she was missing, it just farther sealed my initial idea of him. He was a fucking asshole.


	18. Tell me she's not...

POV: Zac

  

May 30, 2008: 1:45am 

I’d fallen asleep in the living room about midnight, sleeping in the bed was hard without her here and I found I could generally have some boring infomercial put me to sleep. My phone blaring startled me at first and then I realized it was just my phone when I looked at it though I felt that jump in my heart rate. There could only be one reason Shawn would be calling me this early in the morning. 

“Hello? Please tell me she’s not there.” 

“I really wish I could.” 

His voice was strained and high pitched which meant he was scared. Him being scared didn’t help me any. 

“I’m on my way. Where do I go?” 

“I’ll meet you in the ER waiting room.” 

“Where are you going?” Taylor asked sleepily. 

I jumped forgetting that he was even here. “Shawn called, Gabby’s apparently at the hospital.” 

“I’ll drive.” 

I didn’t even think he would be alert enough but by the time I got my shoes on his eyes were wide open, bright and alert. I blinked and then realized he’d basically chugged the cup of coffee from Starbucks, that would do it. Honestly I was glad he drove, I couldn’t get my hands to stop shaking. I wanted to find her but the last place I wanted that to be was the hospital. 

“Did he tell you why?” 

“No. But his voice was high pitched and strained. He’ll be in the ER waiting area.” 

Taylor let me out at the door when we arrived and I ran inside where Shawn was standing by the nurses’ station and I stopped, he was crying. Nicole was standing there with him but even she looked quite sad. He turned to me when I approached, dried his eyes. 

“Where is she? I want to see her now.” 

“They aren’t letting anyone in the room right now, not even me.” 

“What happen?” 

“I really don’t know Zac. They haven’t told me anything. The paramedic that brought her in called me and told me she was here, she recognized her from my birthday party, but she couldn’t tell me anything. They won’t let me back and they won’t tell me anything.” 

I looked at the nurse. “I’m Zachary Hanson, Gabriella Hanson is my wife. What is going on?” 

“I’m sorry Sir, we don’t know anything right now. I will however let the doctor know you are here.” 

I slammed my hands down. “Why don’t you find out right now? She’s been gone over a week!” 

One of the other nurses went to the back about the time Taylor laid his hand down on my shoulder. 

“Zac, let them do their jobs, they know you’re here.” 

He lead me away and had Shawn follow us. About three a doctor walked over to us, there were dozens of patients waiting for various things but we looked up at him. 

“Mr. Frost, Mr. Hanson. I’m the doctor in charge of your wife and sister.” 

“Is she okay?” 

“She’s stabilized the best we can at the moment. She’s being monitored very closely and I would prefer not to let anyone back because it’s touchy right now.” 

“What happen?” Taylor asked. 

“She overdosed on cocaine, there is no cure for that or no quick method to bring her down. Do you two have children?” 

“No.” I said. 

“She kept saying she needed to save her baby, any idea what she meant by that? Could she be pregnant? It’s faster if you tell me, I ordered a test but it’s going to be an hour.” 

I shook my head. “No. She had her appendix removed in April, the 20 th. We haven’t had sex since then, she hasn’t been cleared by a doctor for activity.” 

“Zac. You need to tell them.” 

“Tell me?” He asked. 

I sighed. “She miscarried then too. Five to seven weeks, no particular reason was given. I’m not entirely sure why she would be saying that right now though.” 

“It’s possible it’s a delusion, that is a common side effect of cocaine overdose.” 

“Can you tell how much she took?” Taylor asked. 

“No. It’s different for everyone really, her tolerance could be higher or lower. She’s under cooling blankets, we’ve given her something to calm her down and it’s just waiting right now.” 

“When can we go back?” Shawn asked. 

“I’d like for her to be a little more stable, right now her body temperature is pretty high and her heartbeat is fast. When they are more stable I will let others back.” 

“She’s not hurt otherwise?” I asked. 

“No. No physical symptoms and we did see the appendix incision but it looks good.” 

“Thank you.” I said. 

He nodded and went back to the back area, I wondered where they found her, where she was, who called them or had she just overdosed in some shitty as park or on some random street. 

“Why didn’t you tell me she miscarried?” Shawn asked. 

“She didn’t want anyone to know and I slipped a few days ago with my brothers. I left that decision up to her because she was the one going through it.” 

We were just sitting there waiting when Sierra came running through the doors, she looked different with flats shoes, sweat pants and a t-shirt. She was talking to the nurse who was refusing to tell her anything. 

“Sierra, they’re not going to tell you anything.” I said. 

She turned. “How did you know she was here?” 

“I work here and the paramedic called me when they got here. I called him.” Shawn said. 

She came over to me. “Have they told you anything? Is she okay?” 

“How do you know she’s here?” 

“Who do you think called the paramedics Zac?” 

“So you found her and didn’t bother to call me?” 

“I found her high as fuck, holding a baby doll and crying because it wouldn’t cry. She fucking scared me Zac. I called the paramedics because there was drugs everywhere, I just got released by the police. She was at Tera’s house. Her ex-James called me when he went over to the party. Is she okay?” 

I didn’t like the sound of the baby doll thing and from the way Taylor and Shawn looked, they didn’t either. I wasn’t even sure why she had gone to Tera’s house. She hadn’t mentioned her at all, not as a friend or more. 

“They have her stabilized but no one can go back until she’s more stable. Apparently her temperature and heart rate are up.” 

“She scared me. I’ve never seen her like that and I’ve seen her high before, many times. She was never like that. Tera said she came over last Tuesday, she never even asked what was wrong. She cried, she screamed, she resisted but then she did two lines with them. I don’t know how much she’s done but James was worried when he went over, he said she was talking weird and just…she wasn’t good. I called the paramedics.” 

“You made the right call, cocaine overdose can be deadly and causes hallucinations and paranoia.” Shawn said. 

“The way she was holding that doll…just crying.” 

None of us said anything but she sat down and she was agitated herself. 

“I was going to call you Zac. I just couldn’t, the police showed up before they took her and they wouldn’t let any of us leave.” 

“You should have called me when this James guy called you. I’m her husband Sierra, I deserved that call.” 

Her ex-James? Tera? What the hell had she done for the last week?! She was doing drugs and she’d never even mentioned wanting to or feeling like she wanted too. The baby references made me really wonder what she felt for real, because she had seemed perfectly fine, adjusting and not depressed. Clearly I was wrong about that. 

How could I be such a terrible husband that I didn’t realize that this was even bothering her? I should have known better because I’d recognized all those symptoms in my Mom, the down feelings, guilt, and even grief. Yet, I’d failed to even think that Gabby could feel the same way? 

Shawn eventually went back to his shift and I told him I would call as soon as the doctor returned. Taylor sat here with me though and Sierra sat nearby. The doctor came out at seven and I got up to meet him. Sierra was asleep against the wall and Taylor was woken up when I moved. 

“I will let you back but no one else, not for a while.” 

“Is she okay?” 

“We got her heart rate stabilized, we got her temperature to come down as well, but we did give her a mild sedative. Her brother was here too right?” 

“He should be getting off in a few hours, he works here in the hospital.” 

“I’ll contact him then.” 

“Why the long wait to see her?” Taylor asked. 

“She’s stable for now but we have no idea how much she took and we’ve been treating symptoms. I don’t want her to crash and a dozen people be in our way. He’s her husband and I think she might be asking for you but she’s still pretty delirious.” 

“It’s okay Taylor. You are obviously tired, go home get some sleep. I’m sure by this afternoon she’ll be in a better condition to have visitors.” 

“What about her?” he asked. 

“Wake her when I’m back, just tell her what he said no one can come back right now.” 

He nodded and I followed the doctor to the back. He warned me that she was hooked up to a bunch of wires and was in and out of it, I expected worse but I was just glad she was alive. The little beeping alerted me that she was still here, at the moment her eyes were closed and all the monitors were showing stable numbers. 

“Is her temperature okay?” 

“It’s still higher than we like, she has a cooling blanket over her and it’s coming down. It’s also going to as the cocaine burns out of her system. She was dehydrated so we have her on a high drip IV as well.” 

“Are you going to keep her?” 

“We are going to for at least 24 hours. At that point we’ll evaluate her and see where she stands.” 

I nodded and found a seat near her head. Her hair looked clean and thankfully it was still the same color. I slid as close as I could. Her hands and arms were under the cooling blanket so all I could do was sit here. I did send Shawn, Abigail, Isaac and Taylor a text to let them know she was here, okay and probably staying a day or two. I called my parents at nine because they weren’t big text people yet. 

“Come on Gabriella, you have to be okay. I can’t even sleep in our bed without you there. Just be okay and I promise I’ll do whatever I have too, I’ll be a better husband I promise. You just have to be okay.” 

The stats on the screen remained steady, the temperature one had come down too, but it was still above a 100, so they had left the blanket over her. Apparently the sedative was working well though, I heard my phone and checked. 

**_It’s Sierra – Taylor gave me the number. Is she doing better?_ **

_She’s stable, asleep, but still a bit warm. They’re leaving the cooling blanket over her for a bit longer._

**_I didn’t think she’d ever go to Tera._ **

_She saw Tera late last year at a restaurant. I didn’t know she knew where she was. I just…wish I knew what happened while she was there. But she’s asleep right now._

**_You don’t have to worry, James said she turned him down not once but twice. She just seemed to hang with Tera. Which, I am sure you know their past._ **

_I do. Hopefully she’ll wake up soon._

I put the phone down and tried cat napping, my hand moving woke me up about one, when I blinked she was looking at me. The same warm brown eyes, but she’d moved away from me though. 

“What are you doing here? Why am I here?” 

“Shawn called me when they brought you in, you overdosed last night.” 

She seemed confused and unsure of whether I lied to her about why she was here. I had no reason to. 

“Go home, I don’t need you here.” 

“Gabriella.” 

“Go away Zachary. I don’t need you here.” 

“I’m not going anywhere, not without you.” 

“GO AWAY!” She screamed. 

She started snatching wires off and that set off a ton of alarms and doctor’s flooded the room. She was fighting them too and I just stepped aside, because I didn’t know what she needed. A simple shot stopped the screaming and calmed her back down, which gave them a chance to strap her down. 

“Is that the cocaine still?” 

The doctor nodded. “We’re going to leave her here for a bit longer.” 

“Has her brother been down?” 

“Yes, I spoke to him he said he would come by this afternoon before his shift. You should probably get some fresh air yourself, the sedative will last for at least an hour.” 

I took that as my subtle hint to leave so I called Taylor and asked him to bring me lunch and I waited outside for him. When he arrived we walked off to the side to the tables and sat down. 

“What is it?” he asked. 

“She told me to go away that she didn’t need me here.” 

He frowned. “She’s reacting to what she thinks Zac. It’s nothing more than that.” 

“I know and I just…they sedated her and strapped her down. It’s the drugs talking and god Taylor I never even knew she was to that point.” 

“Well, she use to before Zac. She was open about that, excessive stress could have helped but Sierra said she thinks it was more Tera pushing her than her doing it.” 

“Probably, I didn’t much like Tera and I never formally met her.” 

“Stay with her Zac, she’s going to be resistant and she may say a lot of bad things but you have to see where she is coming from.” 

“I know. I just…she seemed determined.” 

“Eat before it gets cold.” 

It was quiet as we ate our burgers and inhaled the fries, I did feel a little better afterwards. While I was outside I called and gave everyone an update, it allowed me to really talk to my Mom and Dad and to Shawn who was actually awake. Taylor left and returned home and I returned to the room she was in. They had removed the cooling blanket and had changed some bags but I sat down and just waited. Her eyes opened again about four and I was waiting for the screaming or yelling, but she tugged at the restraints and frowned. 

“They restrained you for safety reasons.” 

“I know that, I saw them do it James when he…overdosed. Why are you here?” 

“I’m your husband, I should be here. You shouldn’t be here actually.” 

“Can you call the doctor? I can’t reach the button.” 

I pressed the button and a nurse came in. “How are you Mrs. Hanson?” 

“I have a headache.” 

“It should go away soon, we’re still pumping you full of fluids.” 

She nodded and I guessed she understood they weren’t going to give her anything. The nurse adjusted some stuff and then left, she hadn’t even asked to be let go. 

“So you went through this with James?” I asked. 

“Stop acting like you give a shit, really I’d scream for you to leave but I don’t need more sleep.” 

“I do give a shit or I wouldn’t be asking.” 

“Whatever.” 

“I can just ask Sierra.” 

She laughed. “Sierra never knew James or Daniel.” 

“James called her and told her where you were. So, obviously she did or does know him.” 

She just turned her head away and watched the monitor for the next two hours, the doctor did a check of major things heart rate, breathing, made sure she was okay before authorizing her to be moved to a private room. I knew she didn’t want me to follow but I did anyway. They removed the restraints in the room and left. I just settled into the chair at the foot of the bed, I wasn’t leaving her here alone. 

“Shawn should be up about eight, his shift starts at nine. Taylor and Isaac would like to come see you before then, but I haven’t told them you’re able to have visitors.” 

“I don’t want to see anyone, not even you. But clearly you don’t listen to anyone.” 

I wanted to push her, I wanted to make her talk to me but I also didn’t want to make her upset and them put her back to sleep, so I stayed quiet. Shawn brought my dinner and hers about eight and I ate quietly while he talked, mostly asking her if she was okay. He didn’t blame her or mention the baby at all, just asked how she was. She talked to him but didn’t say anything about the past week. She ate what he brought though so that was a good thing. He left the room at 8:50, I sent messages again but when I sent Taylor his I asked him to bring the pictures to me, he thought I was crazy but agreed. 

“You can go home.” 

“Not happening, I leave, you leave and I spend another week driving the streets to find you. Nope, I’m fine.” 

“Whatever.” 

She had built that wall up already, fuck how was I ever going to make up for this? I considered it while she watched TV and ignored me but by ten she was asleep. I sent final messages and then tried to nap myself, eventually falling asleep about ten thirty. 

I blinked at two am, confused on why I was awake but I quickly realized the bed was empty. 

“Gabriella?” I asked. 

I got up quickly, checked the bathroom to find it empty and then I ran down to the nurse station. 

“Did my wife leave?” 

“Your wife is?” She asked 

“Gabriella Hanson, she’s in 306.” 

“Oh, no she didn’t leave. She said she was going to visit her brother on the 5 th floor and he called to tell me she was there.” 

“Okay.” 

I took the elevator up but Shawn said she had gone back to the room over thirty minutes before, but she had the IV pole with her so it’s doubtful she left the hospital. I went floor by floor going down and found her on the fourth floor standing in front of the nursery. I walked up to her quietly and stopped behind her, there were three little babies on the other side, all of them were asleep. 

I didn’t say anything, I wasn’t even sure what to say to her. A few people came and went, seeing or checking on the new addition to the family. I finally got her left hand, it didn’t have the IV. 

“Come on, let’s get you back in bed.” 

“I don’t want too.” 

I put gentle pressure on her hand. “I know, but you need to recover so you can go home.” 

“I don’t have one of those.” 

She was going to break my heart even more than it already was. How could she think that? How could she just forget everything based on pictures? 

“You always have a home with me. Come on, let’s get back to your room.” 

She came with me quietly and climbed back into the bed, I had no words right now. I tucked her back in and put the IV pole back where it had been, she took a moment to settle in and then she was drifting back off to sleep. I waited until she was asleep before I laid down.


	19. I would have stopped you...

POV: Zac

  

May 31, 2008 

I woke up when the nurse came in about 6:30. I watched from the chair as the nurse went through the entire process of checking vitals, making sure she was responding right, she drew blood and then removed the IV from her arm. She even mentioned releasing her! There was no way she was well enough to go home, was she? In case, I sent Taylor a message to wait because the doctor would be in around eight and he’d tell her. I was shocked the doctor was on time but he came in smiling. 

“Good morning Mrs. Hanson. How do you feel?” 

“Sleepy and tired.” 

“That is very much expected. The blood work is all within normal ranges and your heart rate and blood pressure has been stable now for some time. Do you feel anything different or feel anything that doesn’t seem normal?” 

“No.” 

“I checked your medical records and you don’t have a history for this type of thing and you don’t seem to be a risk to yourself or others. I am going to release you but you need someone who can stay with you for the next day or two. Will your husband be home?” 

“I will be.” I said. 

She seriously was about to argue with him but he pointed out that he couldn’t release her unless she was with someone. She did not seem happy with that but she agreed anyway. He went to get the papers for me to sign. 

“Doesn’t mean anything Zac. Don’t think you’ve won anything.” 

“I wouldn’t dare think I’d won against you.” 

Okay, so I was doing a mental cartwheel as I signed the papers. When Shawn came down he handed her a set of his scrubs because they’d cut whatever she had on, she was not happy about that. The scrubs were entirely too big, but I kind of liked that look. He hung-out with us until they officially released her and then he drove us home. He didn’t stay long just made sure she was okay and then headed home himself so he could sleep for his next shift. 

“Would you like breakfast? Pretty sure there is bacon and eggs and all the good stuff.” 

“I couldn’t care a less about food Zachary.” 

“You haven’t eaten since last night.” 

“Well according to your whores missing one meal won’t kill me.” 

“You can always lay down, sleep a while longer.” 

“In the bed that you’ve probably brought some blonde bitch back to? I’ll pass.” 

“You really want to do this right now?” 

“Why not now? Come off the bullshit I care crap.” 

“I do care Gabriella. I wouldn’t have come to the hospital if I didn’t. I wouldn’t have filed a missing person’s report if I didn’t. I wouldn’t have driven every fucking street in this town if I didn’t.” 

“No, you just tell me how much you love me and while I’m stuck in a hospital you find some blonde cocksucking bitch to go have sex with. It wouldn’t surprise me if the same bitch is one of the dozen that kept telling me you were fucking them.” 

“I wasn’t with anyone. You can ask Taylor and Isaac.” 

“You mean the two that hate me? They’d gladly lie to me just to get me to leave them alone.” 

“What the hell?” 

I had no idea where any of this was coming from, I expected the pictures. I expected the fans, but that came from way out in left field. Where had she gotten that Taylor and Isaac hate her?! 

“Great, everyone must think I really am stupid.” 

She went to walk away and totally tripped over the pants and then they were being flung across the room, that really wasn’t helping me think straight either, because she didn’t have anything on under them. Nothing but a scrub top? Yet I heard her snort. 

“That’s all I was to you, wish I’d seen that months ago.” 

She then walked to the bedroom. That was not all she was to me! How could she possibly believe that? She came out ten minutes later in a pair of pants and a shirt. She looked tired and I know this was the wrong time to try to talk, she was just tired and that was going to make it worse. 

“Will you hear me out at least?” 

She paused halfway to the couch, fuck that was probably the wrong thing to say. 

“Hear you out? What the fuck could you possible tell me to make this any better? That you weren’t getting your dick sucked outside the venue? That you weren’t fucking some blonde in a car while I was stuck in a hospital room? The whole fucking tour you were fucking around with other women. There is nothing you can tell me to make that go away.” 

“I’m not denying them Gabriella, I’m not saying it’s not me.” 

I saw the glimmer of the girl Sierra knew and wanted back, the one that really did have fire in her eyes. She was beyond pissed and I could see it in those pretty eyes. She grabbed a set of pictures off the table. 

“So you’re now admitting it? So, you just felt sorry for me when they tried to kill me? You just went along with this marriage because you wanted a steady source of ass? Sorry I couldn’t do anything right for you. I’m sorry your parents were pissed off because they missed it, sorry I’m just the drunken bitch that tricked you into a marriage but god damn you could have just filed for a fucking divorce, you didn’t have to be a fucking whore to get rid of me.” 

“Gabby that’s not what I meant! I’m not denying the pictures, they are me, but they were not taken this tour. The blonde girl in the car is Lita, she wasn’t even at the show this year. She fucking hates the band now.” 

“I don’t want her fucking name!” She screamed. 

“The picture was from three years ago. Lita hasn’t been to a show since. It was three years ago!” 

I saw her nails dig into her palm, I hope the neighbors weren’t home incase this got loud! Her right hand was gripping the photos so tightly they were crumpling and I was wondering if maybe the doctor was wrong to release her, maybe the drugs weren’t quite out of her system. 

“I don’t give a fuck what her name is. You were in the fucking car with this fucking bitch while I was stuck in a fucking hospital. While I was stuck wondering what the fuck I did, what the hell was going on and why I was such a horrible person that I…” 

She paused as if she had no clue what to say and then continued on. “All you fucking cared about was going to this bitch and fucking her? All you fucking cared about was getting her…you should be with her! She’s far better than I ever will be. Jacob was right when he told me no one would ever love me, only fucking person to ever tell me the truth.” 

I could very well fill in the blanks, she couldn’t say the words still. That she miscarriage and getting her pregnant, words she completely skipped over, words she couldn’t say last week to Abigail either. 

“I love you.” 

“NO you don’t! No one ever has. Why do you keep lying to me? They’re right here in the pictures, they’re all here. North Dakota, Indiana, New York, fuck even in town! They’re right…” 

She must have finally realized the pictures in her hand weren’t the ones she’d gotten last week, the ones she’d picked up were the original ones I had found online. She looked at them stunned. 

“What the fuck is this? What are you pulling here? Why would you do this?” 

“I found the original pictures, the ones you got were edited or from years ago.” 

“No! They were adamant every fucking one kept telling me…” 

“I’m not everyone Gabriella. I love you and I’m sorry that I’m such a bad excuse for a husband, you deserve someone much better, but I can’t imagine life without you. I have no idea what to do here. I can’t force you to believe me, but I swear to god Gabriella those pictures are fake.” 

She just looked so lost and confused that I really wasn’t sure what to do. I finally took a few tentative steps toward her but she backed away from me. 

“Look at them Gabby. The ones you got are right there on the table.” 

“They’re all pointless, no one wants us to make it. You aren’t a bad husband I’m just not good enough for you and I never will be. I can never be whatever the hell her name is, Jacob was right no one would ever love me and Simon was right too, I’m just here. I’m just…nothing.” 

The pictures fell from her hand and scattered but she didn’t back away when I got closer, just stood there. I felt like my heart was literally breaking or being ripped out of my chest. She was far more than nothing and to think that I’d never seen this coming, never knew how she was feeling or handling things it just sucked. The thought that hit me, came like a punch to the gut. 

“Did you know how much you were taking? Was that something you did on purpose?” 

Her facial expression was unreadable to me, some weird mixture of confusion and sadness that just left me perplexed. 

“I was waiting for someone to stop me, waiting for someone to care. I didn’t even realize until Sierra grabbed my arms that I’d taken so much. I know my limits and I just…I kept thinking someone would stop me.” 

“I would have stopped you.” 

“Why? What have I done to make you want to stop me? I can’t do anything right. I can’t pick a school, I can’t draw worth a shit, Sierra was right I live in some fantasy world where everything is perfect and it’s not. I’m not who you want, I can’t be. I can’t even give you what you want, I can’t…God I just…I can’t…” 

I pulled her to me and put my arms around her tightly and apparently the cracks that were showing finally ruptured. I heard my phone going off but I didn’t care who it was or why they were calling, what I needed to do was be here for her right now. I held her and let her cry for a long time. 

“Why don’t we lay down for a bit? I know you’re tired and I know you’re upset.” 

“I’m not…” 

I gently kissed her forehead. “You need to calm down and then we can talk. But, right now I think you should rest. Being tired isn’t going to help either of us communicate.” 

She finally nodded and I lead her to the bedroom, she took the pants off before laying down and I tucked her in, but she wouldn’t let me leave, instead she scooted over onto my side and she didn’t have to say anything, I slipped my pants off and laid down as well. She curled up against me and despite not wanting to sleep, her eyes were closed and she was breathing evenly within minutes. I knew I wasn’t out of the woods, there was more to discuss but hopefully when she woke up she’d feel more like herself. 

I was woken up by Taylor gently nudging me, wait, why was Taylor in my bedroom? Where had he come from?! 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I came to make sure you were okay, I’ve called like ten times and you never answered or replied.” 

Gabriella was still curled up against me, but I couldn’t get up if I wanted too, she was holding onto my shirt. But she vaguely moved. 

“I’m fine.” 

“Is she okay?” 

“I don’t really know but I don’t want to wake her up. I’ll call you later.” 

“Okay.” 

He stepped backward away from the bed before he turned and quietly left. I was now awake so I just laid here with her, glad she was safe. She evidently hadn’t slept well either but she did blink about two and she seemed momentarily confused before she remembered why she was here. 

“You could have gotten up.” 

“You didn’t let my shirt go until about ten minutes ago when you turned some. I didn’t want to wake you up.” 

“Did I hear Taylor’s voice or was I hallucinating still?” 

“He was here, he called and when I didn’t answer he came to make sure we were okay.” 

“I thought I heard him.” 

“Feel any better?” 

“After a hot shower and food I probably will.” 

“You handle the shower, I’ll handle the food.” 

I let her get up first before I went to the front. I picked up the pictures and put them out of sight and then made lunch. She came out with wet hair and those damn Bambi pajamas on. 

“I thought I hid those better…” 

“I found them, I wanted something comfortable.” 

“Can I safely assume that you don’t plan to leave?” 

“Where would I go Zac?” 

“Tera’s.” 

“I recall police, pretty sure she’s not there now.” 

I sat the plate in front of her with juice. “You made breakfast?” 

“Yes.” 

I sat down beside her and lunch was quiet as we ate. She actually ate everything on the plate, but she did seem rather down. Those damn pajamas though, I needed to hide them way better next time I wash them. When we were both finished I cleaned up and she went to the sofa but when I glanced in she was looking at the pictures. I started to say something but she wasn’t looking pissed or upset, so maybe she did just need to see them herself. I finished cleaning and then walked to the living room and sat down beside her. 

“These are the ones I saw, they were slid under the door by someone, I guess when I put the towels in. But, these are the same ones just without locations. Where did they come from?” 

“I saw them when I got home and I knew that they weren’t from this tour, least not all of them. These two here are from this year, but as you can see the original shows my hands on her back and not her butt. The other’s however were taken in 2005. I found them when I couldn’t sleep, scouring twitter and MySpace. When I did find them, I printed them out.” 

“This one says New York.” 

“Yes, it is from Patchogue, New York. November 2005. My hair is actually super short then too.” 

She picked up the newer ones and compared, very clear the editing done to them. 

“Can’t believe I didn’t notice that.” 

“It happens.” 

She picked up the New York one. “2005?” 

“Yes. Her name was Lita, she hasn’t been to any other shows and someone told me after that she stopped being a fan afterwards and basically hates us. I guess I was a bit of asshole to her for that time. I still wasn’t completely okay with my own decisions.” 

“The others? This looks just like that bitch but this original one here doesn’t.” 

“I have no idea, my best guess is someone edited the image. But the original was 2005, only those two there are current pictures the rest were pulled from online posts from shows done in 2005.” 

“I never really analyzed them I just saw them and left.” 

“I figured, by the time I got home it was hours after you left and I had no idea where you went or who you would go too.” 

“Tera wrote her address down on a napkin at the restaurant, I’d seen it when I put up the notepad earlier. I considered Max and Abby but I guess on some level I wasn’t ready to admit they were right. I didn’t really have anyone else I could go too and she was it.” 

“You could have waited on me to get home, I could have explained when they were taken and where.” 

“Not how I operate not when I’m upset. I just wanted to leave and just not deal with anything else anymore. I knew going to Abigail would require me to talk and shit and Max would…well, I knew what Max would do. He’d tell me how right he was and then he’d talk me into bed.” 

“I don’t think you would have been that easy to talk into bed.” 

She just looked at me and that look said I was wrong on that. “You would have?” 

“I’ve never told him no Zac, no matter what or how I felt. The only reason I have the last two times was because I was believing you. When I left, I didn’t believe anything you’d said. I just wanted acceptance and to be cared about. Max isn’t stupid he would know exactly what to say.” 

“But you told James no, twice.” 

“Tera told James no for me, she didn’t leave that up to me.” 

I couldn’t blame her there. “What happen while you were there?” 

“Tera pulled a Simon without the abusive aspect. She let me in, let me cry or scream or whatever I needed to do. Daniel drew the lines of cocaine and I said no but I just remembered how it felt then, no pressure. Didn’t intend to keep on but I did. At some point I was just wanting someone to stop me, to care enough that they didn’t want me taking this substance. No one there stopped me, just kept setting me up. I’m not even sure when I stopped counting.” 

“You could have called me, I would have come and stopped you.” 

“I didn’t think you would.” 

“You want to tell me what’s been going on? Abigail pointed out that I really wasn’t aware of your moods or thoughts. I thought I was being a good husband but reality was I wasn’t being a good one. I should have been paying more attention about how you felt concerning Simon, tweets, and the fans and I wasn’t. I should have known about his e-mails sooner. I should have asked how these things effected you sooner.” 

I tilted her head to me. “I should have known that while you said you were fine, that the miscarriage was hurting you. I shouldn’t have assumed you were doing well and handling it. Clearly, you weren’t. I saw the drawings in your tablet and Abigail told me she knew.” 

With her looking at me I could see the sadness and confusion in her dark eyes. 

“There really isn’t much to tell.” 

“Gabriella. Doesn’t have to be everything why not start with Simon. What was he sending you?” 

She took a deep breath. “After the whole rape thing in January he got worse, he burned all the photos I had. Pictures of me with friends, even guy friends and even exes. He started e-mailing them to me, one at a time. The e-mails sometimes contained insults like whore or slut, if it was a guy. The ones with girls usually didn’t include anything.” 

“Were those the only insults?” 

“Whore, slut, I was stupid, my decisions were shitty, I was better off with him which I didn’t believe. Kept telling me I was nothing to no one, not the people in the pictures, not to anyone around me.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“There pictures and I just figured why bother? When he ran out of pictures to send they just became put downs. I tried a new account but that didn’t work, I tried blocking him and he just created a new one.” 

“Anything else he told you? 

“How worthless I was to everyone, how I was your trophy wife. I can’t make decisions, same things Max said actually. I guess he assumed you had access to the phone, but not the e-mails. I got to where unless they had an attachment I would just delete them.” 

“Do you believe anything he said?” 

“I know I’m not better off with him. I can’t make decisions, I’m worthless to everyone because I can’t do anything but cause problems.” 

“That’s not true. You made decisions the last six months just fine, you aren’t worthless. You do not always cause problems either.” 

“I can’t do anything right Zachary.” 

“You’ve done a lot of things right. You left Simon and you stayed away despite his begging and pleading. Let’s face it, you did the right thing by teasing me for months before saying yes, you did the right thing by making the suggestion to go to that chapel.” 

“How was that remotely right? Your parents are disappointed, upset and pissed that you got married without them. Your brothers see me as the drunken whore who you got you drunk and married you for the money. Your fans believe I’m just here as a image booster because of your previous escapades. Max hates me because I’m here and refuses to believe anything he says, even if it sounds stupid. Abigail is I don’t know anymore, one minute she hates this and the next she’s fine. You give me one person who thinks and believes this was a good idea, just one.” 

“I believe it was a good idea, is that not enough for you? Yes, my parents were upset, but they got over it and we did talk in Montana about maybe doing something soon. My brothers do not see you as a drunken whore out to get money, they didn’t agree with the marriage because of the lack of time together but they also didn’t agree with me sleeping around. Where did you get that Taylor or Isaac hated you?” 

“They always take the fans side and they seem to simply tolerate me being there for a long time, like once I stopped bothering to speak to them or make any effort to communicate they seemed happier. Simon sometimes said they hated me, but I wasn’t sure. I guess after the argument and all I just assumed they did.” 

“They don’t hate you, I can assure you of that. They are learning about you, just like you are them. They didn’t like that you were quiet it’s just they didn’t know how you felt and none of us knew the extent of the tweets. They’re not mad at you, they’re not upset, and they don’t hate you. Concerning fans, they don’t run our lives. Tell me about them.” 

“The fans?” she asked. 

“Yes. What did they do? How does it make you feel?” 

“They hate me and if the ones that don’t comment on anything, they are attacked as well.” 

“More specific please.” 

She sighed. “I’m a whore, a fat cow or whale, depends on how original they wanted to be. Oh, I constantly ate because I knew you were having sex with everyone around me, I’m not good enough for you and they have like a billion reasons. One person said my ass was too big for you, boobs were too small, I didn’t dress right, I only married you for the money, I’m a gold digging whore who needs to divorce you and move on. Oh my favorite came when they found the picture of Sierra and I. She and I were fucking and you were just a cover to hide us, because there was no way you could be with us both.” 

“How did that make you feel?” 

“How do you think? Combine that shit with Simon and by the time the tour ended I just wanted to run away. Leave and never come back. I considered it a few times, just running away. It didn’t feel like any of you were going to do anything serious because you were just afraid they’d walk away. Isaac proved that when I did say something. The cake to my face felt funny to everyone but me, she did that on purpose and I knew I couldn’t get on that stage without help and that was just more for them. I am solely someone for them to pick on.” 

I simply waited, pretty sure there was more because she seemed to be thinking about it. 

“Sierra didn’t help, she apparently thinks I live in a fantasy world. I tried to tell her that I didn’t. But, she wouldn’t listen. It was I think before Ike intervened and we argued, she just said I lived in some fantasy world and I needed to live in reality. My reality at the time was so bleak. I am nothing to like everyone. No one ever wants to stay, they just want to use me and leave.” 

“You are everything to me. You are beautiful, smart, you have an incredible talent for drawing, I have no doubt that with a little practice your computer designs will be just as great. I love you Gabriella, I don’t care what anyone else thinks.” 

“It’s what no one understands. It’s all Jacob ever told me. I’d never be loved and I’d never have that because I was useless to everyone around me. I was only there for the check and that was it. They didn’t love me, Shawn didn’t. Quite obvious he left and so did Max. I guess with Simon it was easier to live in that fantasy world.” 

“How could it be easier?” 

“He made all the decisions for me. Shawn made them before he left, major ones anyway. What do you want to be Gabby, I want to be a doctor. Well, I looked up to him so I wanted to be a doctor too until he left me there alone. Max talked about working in music from the time I met him, plays the guitar when he feels like it. He wouldn’t teach me though. I wanted to be a producer or something until he left, then I just wanted to stop the pain. Twice someone I’d loved with everything had just walked away, Jacob took no time exploiting that. Love them and they’ll leave. I don’t know how many times he told me that until the constant shit from him just…I couldn’t take it anymore. Living with Simon meant everything I did was controlled. Do something stupid? Get spanked. You learn not to do the stupid stuff anymore.” 

I wiped the tears off her face. “But that’s not how you help someone Gabriella.” 

“It didn’t matter Zachary. He did drugs but didn’t let me, three years I was clean because of him. I thought Tera cared more than she does. I figured someone there would stop me. They didn’t care. I shouldn’t have ran but everything just piled up and I couldn’t deal.” 

“I don’t know who brought them but I wish I did so I could tell them to stay out of our business. I don’t blame you for leaving, I can’t. I didn’t think you felt that badly about everything.” 

“I haven’t been the best at telling anyone, not even Abby, how I feel. She’s got this sixth sense about things though, she tends to read me long before I even know.” 

“I see. Well, believe me that I will make a concentrated effort to acquire her sixth sense. I’m not sure my heart or brain can handle you running away again. Not sure my brothers can either, I drove them crazy.” 

She moved the pictures. “You know…as adventurous as I am with sex. I don’t even have pictures like this.” 

“Yeah, well I didn’t know those existed until I saw them on the table.” 

“But you remember her?” 

“I stopped really remembering names after about four, just seemed easier not to bother.” 

“I know that feeling well. I remember some of them but not all, Simon actually sent a few I didn’t remember at all.” 

“These um..pictures.” 

“You never turned the laptop on did you?” 

“It’s your laptop Gabriella.” 

“I go missing and you don’t even snoop.” 

She got the laptop and showed me the pictures, fresh hell for my poor brain. “Did you just not believe in clothes?” 

She giggled. “In the winter time I did.” 

“Ripped jeans and a jacket don’t count.” 

“It did for me. It really wasn’t easy because most the time I just wanted somewhere that felt safe.” 

“How come you never found Shawn?” 

“I was under the impression he hated me, I knew he wouldn’t be happy with what I was doing either.” 

She showed me the ones that Abby had sent, it was clear even in the pictures that she had loved Max but it was also clear that Abby and Max had something going on. The ones of her before the wild phase hit showed more what she was now, the same hair only longer. The same delicate features not marred with pounds of makeup. It was easy to see when the other girls influenced her. 

I considered pushing her more but I was worried about her mental state at the moment, she didn’t seem to want to talk about Sierra or the miscarriage. I tried Sierra and she just diverted me to dinner, so I took the hint and let them drop for now. 

I felt like the miscarriage was a major issue and a major reason why she left, the comments I had seen and the way she acted had said they stung. Added, she all but hyper focused on that New York picture. She did talk a little more about how the fans made her feel, depression was an understatement in my opinion. It made me question some of our fans, were they always this vicious toward each other?! Were they this bad with Stella and Nicole and them just not say anything? 

I finally made those homemade burgers and we had a late dinner. I then got her phone so she could call Abigail to let her know she was okay. While she talked to her I let Taylor, Isaac and Shawn know how she was and I told Sierra she was fine as well. She and Abby talked for a bit and because both of us were still tired so I recommended going to bed early. We laid down about 10 and I don’t even remember 10:30. 


	20. Drained

POV: Zac

  

June 4, 2008 

She and I had spent days talking about everything. Things that I really hadn’t known such as how Jacob told her no one would love her ever, how Simon just integrated that into her head as well. She still hadn’t mentioned the miscarriage and she didn’t mention what else occurred at Tera’s either. But she had a doctor’s appointment this morning so we were both up and at the doctor’s office early. They were very happy with the healing and I was glad that despite two surgeries in the same spot there was barely any scar left. 

We were heading to the studio because I had an older laptop there with a floppy drive. She’d ran across the disk in the drawer and said we should probably see what was on it before turning it over to the police. She was more concerned that she had it and they hadn’t bothered to come back. We parked and went inside, I went straight to the office, hearing the door close behind me. Yet, I didn’t think anything about that door. 

“I know it’s here, shouldn’t take but a few minutes.” 

“That’s fine.” 

I was looking on the shelf where I know it was before, trying to find it. 

“Taylor and Isaac aren’t coming in today are they?” 

“No. Isaac and Nicole went to Oklahoma City, her parents anniversary is tonight and there doing this family dinner type deal. Taylor said he was going to hang out with Stella all day, so I didn’t even tell them I was coming by.” 

I moved fifteen little boxes before I saw the cord and then the laptop itself. I pulled it out and turned around and then just paused and blinked. Gabriella was sitting on my desk with her feet on the arms of my chair, wouldn’t be that bad but all she had on was the black thongs and the matching lace bra. The rest of her clothes were laying in a pile on the floor. She was leaned back on her hands and fuck I needed a camera, wait why was I here again? 

“Pretty sure you haven’t brought anyone here.” 

I swear I could feel the blood rush down, leaving me unable to think. “Nn...no...” 

“Then why are you standing there?” 

I sat the laptop down on Taylor’s desk, who cares that it knocked over a set of papers and shit. I certainly didn’t. She moved her foot to allow me access and I felt a little faint, month and a half since we’d been together and that was a bathroom in Indiana. I leaned in and kissed her. 

“You know we have a bedroom, living room, kitchen, and even a patio.” 

“I know we have your desk, your chair, or your drums.” 

I leaned in just nudged her on back, pretty sure her head was laying a bunch of important paper but fuck it, I went after her lips, gently biting the lower one before moving to her neck. I could feel her legs wrap around me and tighten behind me, one of her hands was on my side the other one was tangling my hair around her fingers. I moved down some, used my teeth to slide the fabric down before trailing kisses up the bottom side to the nipple. She sighed loudly when I ran my tongue around the whole areola before sliding it slowly over the hardening bud. Both hands were tangling in my hair now, always a plus. I moved to the other side when I was content with how that nipple was and the moans coming from her lips. It didn’t take much time before I could feel the erection straining in the pants but I was content for the moment. 

I rose up and she came with me, going for my neck and taking the shirt off. Her bite was a bit harder than it normally was, but that just helped. I unhooked the bra and dropped it with her clothes. I leaned her back again, going for her neck and feeling those nails sliding across my back. When I leaned back up I stopped her, let my hands just slide down her abdomen, light little scratch marks until I reached the waistband, where I slid them off dropping them wherever, I let my hands trail down the outside to her knees then inside, slightly spreading her legs as I went. Those brown pools were clouded with lust and this deep seated need. I sat down in my chair, which was fucking perfect. 

She smelled and taste the same to me, as I let my tongue slide up and swirl around the clit the moan was loud, but I could do much better. She gasped when I pulled her closer to the edge of the desk and I heard stuff fall off but nothing broke. That gave me better angle to dip my tongue into her, I wrapped my arms around and let the left thumb gentle swirl around the clit, no direct pressure. 

“Fuck...” 

After several minutes I moved a hand under and slide two fingers into her while I moved back up, moving a little fast and until she was clutching my hair and arm, those nails hurt! I moved up to three and didn’t stop until she was screaming my name, which sounded so much louder in this confined space. I then moved up, kissing as I went. 

“Do you like this? Is this what you wanted?” 

I stumbled just a bit when her legs pulled me closer. “Not even close.” 

She rose up with me, I really didn’t think she wanted to go beyond that but I was clearly wrong as she undid my pants and pushed them down to the floor, where I kicked them and the shoes off. She gently nudged me into the chair before she was kneeling in front of me. Okay, I could handle this. The feeling of her wet mouth around me was nearly too much for me though, I hadn’t really been able to do anything myself either so this was feeling very good. The way her hands massaged the balls, the way her hands moved in perfect sync with her mouth. 

“I missed this so much. Son of a bitch.” 

I expected to be finished but she didn’t, I’d had my head back and eyes closed but when I looked to see why she’d stopped I found her on the edge of the desk and I took that queue well, she was pulling me to her much too fast to consider anything else, it wasn’t long before her warmth was wrapped around me and that felt great. Hearing her moan and yell and I was determined she was screaming again. Which occurred, who knew sex at the studio could feel so much better, I leaned down and kissed her. 

“You just didn’t want me to ever sit here and not remember this huh?” 

Her hands went around my neck. “Pretty sure my ass is imprinted on your desk.” 

I pulled back and then raised her up. “Pretty sure whatever was under your head needs to be reprinted.” 

It felt weird standing in a shared office naked with my wife, as she held me pretty tightly. It took me a few moments to find something suitable to clean us both up a bit with before getting dressed and it was my luck that as soon as we were dressed and I was trying to tidy my desk a bit that Taylor would bust in. 

“Oh…I didn’t think anyone was here.” 

“I came to get that older laptop of mine, I found a random floppy disk at home in a box. No idea what’s on it. So, I came by.” 

He glanced at the desk and then me and then her, but she still wasn’t keen on them still. Her trust in basically everyone’s words was shot to hell. 

“How are you feeling Gabriella?” 

“Better, clean bill from the doctor. Pretty sure I want to avoid hospitals for a long fucking time.” 

“I can’t say that I’d blame you. Stella said she called you yesterday.” 

“She did, we talked a bit.” 

“That’s good. You look better too.” 

She smiled some and I looked at Taylor. He shuffled to the desk, picked up something and hesitated. 

“Gabriella I know that I haven’t been the best brother in law but I don’t hate you and I don’t think the marriage was a bad thing. I can’t say that I love you as much as Zac, but I do love you as my sister. You’re the only one I have at the moment. We all should have done more concerning our fans.” 

“It’s really not anything you did or didn’t do, it’s just me Tay.” 

“Still, we should have done more and paid more attention to what and how they acted. I expected some negative stuff because they did Stella and Nicole that way, but they were never that bad toward them. Some of the messages are just…I really don’t even want them as a fan. The ones that cornered you I wish I’d known because I wouldn’t have done anything for them.” 

“But they are your fans and they keep you guys going.” 

“Yeah. But, I am sure we can make more fans, I’m not sure he can find anyone like you ever again. I’m headed home to work on some lyrics. Stella’s coming over for dinner. I’m going to ignore the flushed faces and the way your desk looks. I won’t say anything to Isaac but for the sake of all our lives, keep it on _your_ desk.” 

“Oh, it’s the only one I’d want to be on.” She said. 

Pretty sure my cheeks turned even redder because Taylor’s flushed bright red and then he ran out of the room. 

“So bad…” 

I got the laptop and we locked up, grabbed lunch and ran a few errands before we headed home. She was talkative to Abigail and Stella, texting but she wouldn’t respond to anyone else. She put up the few items we had gotten and I settled on the sofa, I was rather surprised when she sat down in my lap again, was going for my neck and I stopped her. 

“We need to talk Gabriella.” 

“What is there to talk about? I thought we covered everything the last four days.” 

I laid my hands on her upper thighs, I’d considered a dozen ways to bring it up but there wasn’t one that would guarantee me she wouldn’t get upset with me or with anything else. 

“We’ve talked about everything but Sierra and the miscarriage, you don’t mention either of those. You won’t even say the word miscarriage, not even when you were so upset when we got home. You got right there and stopped.” 

“Nothing to talk about there.” 

“Sierra has texted me three times wanting to know why you aren’t replying to her, wondering if you’re okay. There is something there if you aren’t replying. I thought you two got along at least.” 

She shrugged. “Not much to tell.” 

“Gabriella. Come on, there is more. Abigail thinks you loved her, did you?” 

“Does it matter now?” 

“Yes. Because you need to work through it.” 

She sighed, clearly not wanting to talk but knowing she needed too. I didn’t know much about her and Sierra beyond they’d had sex and that Abigail felt she loved her. 

“Newton had been sleeping with Mary for a few weeks before I caught them, I suspected it but had no proof until then. Yes, I ran partially because of that. He knew about Sierra and I, hated that we were close and I think Mary was retaliation for us. She told me she loved me and I freaked out. Called Abby not sure what to even do at that point.” 

“But you didn’t totally leave because of Newton and Mary?” 

“No. Sierra must have picked up on it. She thought I left because she told me she loved me, that wasn’t why. She didn’t think I even believed you. She thought I lived in some fantasy world. She kept pushing and I told her that I left because I loved her and I didn’t want to wake up one day and her be gone like Shawn and Max. I left because it was better to be the one leaving than the one being left.” 

“It’s understandable considering how and what Jacob told you.” 

“She wasn’t happy with that, said I didn’t give her a chance but really, I couldn’t handle her walking away from me. She jumped on the marriage is bad bandwagon and I didn’t have anything to fight with on that. She asked if I was using you and she just didn’t believe anything I said. I was already upset and irritated and I just couldn’t deal with another person telling me how wrong the decision was, how stupid it was.” 

I wiped the tears from her eyes and waited. 

“She kept telling me I lived in a fantasy world, that I don’t live in reality. She said Tera called her the moment I arrived and told her, so I guess Sierra thinks I left and went to Tera, but I just had nowhere else to go. I didn’t even intend to jump Tera but after hitch hiking for weeks I was just glad to have someone there. Sierra ended the conversation said she’d pretend nothing was between us because it’s how I coped, just pretending that it didn’t exist. It was later that night that I realized my reality was so different. Like I couldn’t do anything right to anyone. You really did seem to be the only person not telling me everything was stupid, bad, or wrong.” 

“You didn’t believe her?” 

“Why should I? I left seven years ago and she never bothered to find me. Yet, she apparently knows half my exes? She knows James and he was one of the last guys I was with before Simon. She knew Daniel and Tera told her where I was. If she really loved me, she would have come to find me. Instead she went to California. I vanished on you too and you spent over a week driving roads, she never even did that.” 

“Maybe she didn’t understand why you left then.” 

“It doesn’t matter Zac, Sierra and I can’t be together and there is just too much water under the bridge now.” 

“It doesn’t mean she can’t be a friend Gabby, she did find you and she did come to the hospital. It’s obvious that she cares about you somehow. She’s asking if you’re okay. You scared her.” 

“Not if she’s like Max and thinks we shouldn’t be together. She kept pushing me to attack fans Zac, she wanted the person that hit that girl, she claimed she wanted me to just stand up but that’s not what she wanted. She knows if they don’t stand down that I’ll just keep on.” 

“What happen with that girl?” 

“She was a fan of Newton’s, didn’t like that I was his friend at all let alone girlfriend. She just kept name calling, bout the same ones your fans used. Only she didn’t mind saying it to my face, she preferred it. She kept pushing and eventually I pushed back and when she didn’t back down I let my temper win. That’s who she wants. The 17 year old child that didn’t know better. I can’t be her anymore. I’m not a child.” 

“No, do that now and it’s more than an assault charge and probation. Although, I would imagine fans would back way off.” 

She shrugged and I knew she was pretty much done. It really was an ending that I didn’t like because it was clear she and Sierra had problems and needed to talk, but she wouldn’t. Not that I could totally blame her. The next topic however I was certain she didn’t want to talk about, I could read that in every inch of her face. Yet, I was blind once and ignored it, I couldn’t do it twice. She didn’t want too, but she needed to talk about losing the baby. It was clear it was a problem. 

“Abigail told me you never wanted children, but we never talked about that.” 

“Our conversation started and ended with after a year.” 

“There is no guarantee that it won’t happen unless we really do use protection every time. There is always a possibility. I don’t understand though, if you were that set for so long that you didn’t want children, why did losing this one affect you so badly?” 

She didn’t immediately answer, instead she just sat in my lap for a long time. I wanted to push her to answer me, but I also knew that could have the reverse effect of what I wanted. I was beginning to wonder if she wasn’t going to answer at all. But then she took a deep breath. 

“The initial shock wasn’t that bad, I didn’t expect it. But, unlike your parents we weren’t even trying, it was just all around shock. I think it didn’t really even come to me until you left the next day, I wondered around and ended up staring at the nursery window. There were people gushing over them and talking about things.” 

“But you drew the baby, remarkable drawing and then you were somewhat okay being there, until she handed you Ella. You just shut down, I could see it on your face.” 

“I’ve never held a baby, not even in the group homes. I basically wrote off the idea of ever having children because I can’t make decisions about my own life, let alone someone else. I didn’t understand how I could never want kids and then be hurt and continue hurting because I was told that. You deserve someone that can have that. I failed before I even knew, I just never thought it could happen and then it does and the chance was gone.” 

She paused only because she needed to calm herself down some so she could continue, I waited patiently, just letting my hand rub her thighs. 

“I didn’t know that I even know I wanted a child until you told me we lost ours. Your words just echoed in my mind. I never drew children and I couldn’t understand why I would start now. Add in Sierra and her comments about reality just sitting in the back that night it just hit me. I probably would have stayed but the comments the girls made about the girl in New York being…and then I see that picture and it was just too much. I couldn’t stay.” 

“You never had scares before?” 

“No and I wasn’t careful like you. I never cared about safety and I never thought it would happen.” 

“Why can’t you say the words Gabby? You won’t say them.” 

“Saying them makes them real.” 

“But they are real words. It’s okay, you miscarried and that’s fine. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong, it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.” 

“How can you tell me that? You can’t tell me that finding out didn’t hurt you too.” 

“It hurt a lot. I haven’t been around a lot of little kids either but I knew one day I wanted them. I didn’t understand the reason anymore than you do. I went through the blame game too, I blamed myself for not noticing something was different. I wondered if I made you go to a hospital sooner about the pain if that would have made a difference. I wish I had known that while you kept saying you were okay that you weren’t. But Gabriella it is a natural occurrence and these things can happen for any number of reasons. You could have been in a bubble and it still happen.” 

“It had to be something I did Zac.” 

“No, it doesn’t. My mom has three of us and she lost Elizabeth in the 6 th month, she did everything right Gabriella and it still happened. She had miscarriages that had nothing to do with anything. I looked it up and it’s not just you and her, a lot of women have them and a lot of the time it’s unexplained. The doctor said you could very well have a successful pregnancy he never said you couldn’t. It’s only a major concern if it keeps happening.” 

“I don’t want it to keep happening.” 

“I know you don’t, I don’t either. But, you can’t assume that this one occurrence means you can’t ever have that. There was so much going on that there could be a billion reason why it happened.” 

“I never thought about it. I didn’t notice anything different at all, nothing.” 

“Maybe that is a sign that it wasn’t meant to be. I know it hurts and if you really want to talk to someone that completely understands I am okay telling my mother. She’ll understand Gabriella and while I saw her going through it I wasn’t always there.” 

“I’ll be fine, just accepting that it’s not my fault is a lot harder than it sounds.” 

“But it’s not, I can assure you of that.” 

“I guess that’s a start.” 

I put my arms around her and pulled her much closer to me, pulled her into a tight hug. 

“Trying to hug me into acceptance here?” 

“Maybe, is it working?” 

She wiggled in my lap, which I knew was going to work very well and a thought came to me, she kind of squealed when I flipped her onto the couch, more from shock than anything. 

“Not quite what I expected as a reply to the wiggling. Not sure I want to complain though.” 

I pressed my lips to hers. “You won’t have a damn thing to complain about. Trust me.” 

Sure, it hadn’t been that long really, but what I wanted was to make sure she felt loved. That she knew and understood how I felt about her. This wasn’t about sex, this was about making sure she felt wanted, accepted, and loved. 

How did I accomplish that? Well every several kiss was followed by a compliment, something about her that I felt was unique. Made sure that I took every article of clothing off very slowly, appreciating every dip and curve of her body. Finding little ticklish spots as I went. Yet every time I looked up I could see her eyes glitter and by the time I got her undressed they were clouded with lust too. 

Long and slow was the object and that’s exactly what I accomplished. By the time she was screaming my name, I was certain that somewhere in her heart and mind she understood that I wasn’t lying to her, that I wasn’t saying I love you to her for any false reason, it was because it was true. 

She briefly napped stuck between me and the back of the sofa but not for long. 

“I see you’re not complaining.” I said. 

“Too drained to complain.” 

I kissed her forehead. “So, now that we’ve talked, do you think we can try to make an effort to catch things like this before there out of hand and you’re running away?” 

Her arm slid across my side and she leaned in and kissed me. “Yes.” 

“Do you even want to move?” 

Given she simply laid her head down I took that as a resonating no, so we simply laid here. It really was nice to simply lay here. 

“Can we start with Twitter?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I think I’d like to create new accounts and make them private. I can keep the old ones but I don’t need to see those types of messages daily.” 

“You can pick whatever name you want.” 

“Requires me to move and I don’t want too.” 

“We do need to get up sometime for dinner and all.” 

The little smile she gave me wasn’t very reassuring, but she climbed over me and got up and walked across the room. 

“Did I mention how much I love the way you walk?” 

“No…isn’t that a little weird of a thing to love?” 

“Not with you, no. The slight sway and just the way you move.” 

She picked up the laptop and came back, I sat up and she simply sat in my lap. 

“You are aware you aren’t wearing anything right?” 

“Yes. Neither are you.” 

“Okay, so you just need to pick something and sign up.” 

I watched her put in her name and then put in 15 different possible handles, some were taken and some she just didn’t like. 

“You’re original account was just your name, why not do that again?” 

“Gabriella Hanson? Like they won’t know.” 

“It’s private buttercup, no one can message you or tweet you. Only ones that will see yours will be the ones you approve.” 

She put in her name with a underscore between the first and last and it went through fine. We then set it up as private and she went through the phone to find like Abby’s, bands she wanted, ours, Stella and Nicole. 

“Are you going to keep the other one for real?” 

“Yeah. I’ll know which ones not to add.” 

“What photo are you using?” 

Again, she gave me that little mischievous smile and I groaned. The picture she chose was the one from New Years, only the kissing one. 

“You know everyone is going to send you a request when they see that.” 

“Let them. They can even call me a bitch when I refuse them.” 

She created a new Instagram as well and then deleted the old one completely. That account was also private and she only added a few to the account as well. When she went to the Hanson.net I was confused but she signed in. 

“You joined the website?” 

“Yep, but I used a different name and state. So, no one really knows but what you need to see is here.” 

She went to the forums and low and behold there were threads here with the same content. I just smiled. 

“Do you think it’s the same people?” 

She nodded. “Pretty sure a few are, the same username is used.” 

I had her sign out and I signed in with my passwords and stuff, which she pretty much knew already. 

“Do you always have 3,000 new messages?” 

“More a less, yeah.” 

I went to the threads myself, the first thing I did was screen shot the names of those in the post and then I deleted the thread. Because the discussion of our family and private lives was prohibited and the use of such language was too, I then sent an e-mail to the moderators because they should have never left that thread up for months. 

“I can’t really stop them. I mean if I have their membership revoked then I’d have to do that to everyone that ever said anything negative.” 

“I don’t want that anyway, just now I won’t get constant messages from everywhere so, maybe that will help.” 

I closed the account and asked to see the pictures Simon sent again. I’d seen them before but I hadn’t really viewed them closely. Seeing her at 18 and 20 was so different, the clothing choices and good lord I would not have stood a chance in hell then. I thought the shorts she currently owned was bad. We giggled over the photos a while. 

When it came time to fix dinner she asked for burgers again, so I slipped my boxers and a shirt on and she simply put a shirt on, but she wouldn’t be near the stove. As I prepared the meat and started them she quietly watched, as I was cooking she cut up the tomatoes, onions, and pulled some lettuce. 

“Who did you have to tell about the…” There was a pause and I started to turn around, knowing what the rest of the sentence was but then she spoke again. “About the miscarriage?” 

Sure it was strained and I could tell saying the word had hurt and it was just accepting it. It was progress that she actually said the word. 

“Isaac, Taylor, and Shawn all know. I slipped with my brothers and mentioned it when they irritated me and the doctor asked why you’d need to save your baby, I told him and Shawn was there.” 

“I said that?” 

“Yeah, you kept telling him actually and Sierra said when she found you that you were crying because the baby doll you were holding wouldn’t cry.” 

“But she doesn’t know why?” 

“No. She wasn’t there when the doctor came out and I haven’t mentioned it. Likewise, I asked the three that do know not to say anything.” 

She grew quiet, pulling the leaves off and laying out just enough for the burgers, then she put everything up and cleaned the cutting board and knife. 

“You keep asking me how I feel, but how do you feel about this? I know you cried with me at the hospital, but you haven’t said anything since then, just that you felt guilty.” 

I paused because that was not a question I anticipated her asking, least not right now. I wasn’t entirely sure how to answer her either. 

“I watched my dad fall apart more than once after they found out, didn’t quite understand the full impact on why until the doctor told me. I didn’t understand how much it could hurt to not only know but to have no answer for why. I blamed myself for not making you go sooner, thinking that if you had maybe we would have known sooner but realistically it still could have happened. I felt helpless because there wasn’t anything I could do at that point but tell you and I was terrified because I had no idea how you’d handle it.” 

I was pretty sure her silence was just a way to let me think, which was needed at the moment because I’d really spent the last several weeks not focusing on that. 

“It hurt to know that at some point in the future we wouldn’t be parents, we wouldn’t need to move or find a bigger place, we wouldn’t be shopping. But I think after a few weeks it didn’t go away but the hurt eased because I realized we’re young and we have time to try for another baby in the future. It still hurts to know that there wasn’t anything I could do or that there was no reason.” 

“You seemed shell-shocked when we saw Bailey and Ella. Did you even want kids? We basically didn’t discuss that, just ended it with after a year.” 

I flipped the burgers liking the color I achieved on that side, I pressed slightly but not much and then I turned to her. 

“Honestly, I should have shot the idea down of going to her room. It wasn’t something either of us needed to do right then, not when the pain and hurt was so fresh and still raw. I could barely look at her and I just couldn’t bring myself to hold her. I know Bailey seemed disappointed but I just couldn’t. You appeared fine until she handed her to you and then you just shut down. It’s why I got us both out of there and I wish I’d done it sooner.” 

“She needed to be taken the photo Zac.” 

“Yes, but Ike and Tay could have. As for the other question. I do, but it doesn’t have to be anytime soon. When it does happen, it happens.” 

“How many did you want?” 

Again, not a question I expected! “I don’t know, never considered a number really.” 

It grew quiet and I watched the burgers, turned the stove down a bit as they were almost done. I added the cheese to them too. 

“New year’s.” She said. 

“What about it?” 

I turned to her and she was leaning against the counter. “Let’s do a wedding on New Years. Doesn’t need to be fucking huge, just family and close friends.” 

“You mean this New Years? Why that day?” 

“I do mean this New Years and that day because it’s the day we said we loved each other. Let’s face it, November is the actual date but until New Years we hadn’t said those words. It’s 7 months away and really, we don’t have a lot of people we both know. It can be low-key and simple.” 

“Have you met my mother? Low key and simple are two things she doesn’t do well with.” 

“Well, yes. But still. I think it’s the perfect time.” 

“Who am I to argue? Although, I think we can wait to tell everyone for just a bit.” 

“Of course, we need more plans before that.” 

“We do.” 

We finished fixing dinner then ate and then just curled up for a movie. I was glad that she had said the word miscarriage, it was a step toward accepting and eventually getting past the miscarriage. The fact she asked about kids was a good sign and the date setting was a good sign too that she wasn’t going to be running away anytime soon. It was a relief that neither time she complained about no condom, perhaps she was feeling better with the concept but perhaps we should be more careful. After the movie we headed to bed. 


	21. Apologies

POV: Gabby

  

June 10, 2008 

Zac had stayed with me since he brought me home, but he couldn’t keep putting off work so I told him I’d be fine and I’d be here when he got home. He had pulled out all the stops for the last few days, breakfast in bed, little notes everywhere saying something sweet and nice, he was always willing to listen to me even half asleep he’d get up. I totally didn’t mind the several times he pulled the slow love making angle, that was so different from anything else I’d felt with anyone. 

He made feel accepted and loved and those were totally new feelings. Ones that frankly scared me and made me feel happy at the same time. It was a strange combination. Yet, having the apartment to myself was nice too. I spent most of the morning just cleaning up, he wasn’t a slob or anything, but I kind of enjoyed this. Made me feel like I helped somehow and it was just numbing enough to help. About noon I decided a hot bath was needed so I drew one and got in, of course that meant he had to call. 

“Checking in, everything okay?” 

“It is. Laundry is drying, beds made up, everything’s cleaned. I actually just got in the tub.” 

“Seriously? Like I needed that visual.” 

“You must be sitting at your desk too.” 

“Great, now two visuals? You are so mean to me! Why must you give me these visuals when I am working?!?!?” 

“Because that’s my given job as your wife.” 

He paused for several minutes. “I have no comeback for that. So, I’ll accept that reason.” 

I giggled. “Beyond that I’m fine. Stella sent out a few tweets early this morning, you or someone there blew my notifications up though.” 

“That would be me.” 

“Figured it was. How is the projects coming along?” 

“They’re coming along great. We’re mostly editing the book now, which considering my spelling abilities are shitty there is a lot of editing to do.” 

“They are not shitty, just you don’t always put the right letter in the right place.” 

“I appreciate the thought. I was calling to say we should be out of here before dinner and that Taylor is joining us for dinner as Stella is working late.” 

“Not a problem, I was thinking of chicken and dumplings anyway. I’ll over make either way.” 

“Sounds like a plan. Okay, Ike is yelling my name, so I’ll see you tonight. Love you.” 

“Love you.” 

I hung-up and totally couldn’t resist the snapping a picture, it took some maneuvering to get sideways and get a good shot of my upper thigh and legs, surrounded by bubbles and water and then sent it to Zac. I didn’t have to wait long before he replied with a shocked smiley and telling me how bad I was. I replied with a wide grin. Then laid the phone down behind me and sank in the bubbles. 

It was easier to relax now that my phone wasn’t notifying me every ten minutes about another negative comment from some fan who didn’t even know me. I hadn’t really added anyone to any of the accounts because I couldn’t quite trust the ones that seemed okay, it wasn’t being a bitch it was just being cautious. I gave props to the moderators on the website, apparently one nasty message from him was enough. The next thread that was posted was promptly deleted, when the third was posted a post was made by one reiterating the rules. 

I heard Sierra’s ringtone go off but didn’t even move, she could ask Zac all she wanted, I didn’t want to talk to her. What did I have to say to her? She’d made it clear on tour that she didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. She thought I lived in some fairytale world where everything was fine, not once had she bothered to ask me what the issue was. Just insisted I stand up and be someone I’m not. I heard the message go off and that I checked. 

**_For fucks sake, answer the phone! I know you have it beside you. I know it’s right there with you._ **

I just laid it back behind me and sunk back down. She wasn’t the only one as I hadn’t answered any of Max’s either. I didn’t have anything to say to either of them, so there was no point in picking up. When I was pretty sure I was a prune I got out and got dried off. I put on the overalls that Abby had gotten me last year and a white shirt. I then started the chicken boiling and straightened up the living room, before settling for a video game. 

About three the phone beeped and I picked it up. It was an unknown number, so it wasn’t Simon or anyone in the phone. I opened the messages and blinked. 

**_You shouldn’t believe that we forgot about you Gabriella. Just because you’re not fetching our drinks or being so willing to give a show doesn’t mean we forgot you._ **

_Who is this?_

Logic told me it couldn’t be very many people, I didn’t fetch drinks or gives shows to anyone before Simon. 

**_Damien, your favorite band member._ **

_You were not my favorite…Why are you contacting me? I’m not coming back to Simon, so if he put you up to this you’re wasting your time._

**_Aw…I am sure I am your favorite. You were quite fond of looking at me…Do you remember that?_ **

I took a deep breath, sure I remembered those times and I also could recognize that what he wanted from me was an admittance of being scared or afraid of them. Okay, so maybe that girl Sierra knew had a time and a place. 

_What I remember is you sitting back and doing nothing as he raped me, standing back as he hit me. I remember you laughing and jeering and cheering him on. Favorite? No. You were far from being anywhere near a like, let alone a favorite. My suggestion would be to forget this number, I’m not above filing charges for harassment, pretty sure my husband isn’t either._

**_Husband? Please, we all know that’s a publicity stunt. Even Simon knows that’s not real. A few messages can’t be classified as harassment Gabriella._ ** ****

I laid the phone down, there would be no use in replying and if I stopped and he kept on it was harassment. He didn’t send anything else though, so maybe he was just being a dick. Once the chicken was done I set it out to cool and then went back to playing for a bit, before I finished dinner. Zac texted when he was almost here and several minutes later he came in followed by both Isaac and Taylor. 

“Double trouble? Glad I made a lot.” 

“Sorry, I heard chicken and dumplings and well, I just invited myself.” Ike said. 

“Not a problem. I tend to make way too much and this way we won’t be eating them for four days.” 

“She acts like I mind that…I’m going to change guys, I’ll be back.” 

He vanished off into the bedroom and left me there with Taylor and Isaac. 

“It’s almost done, I just dropped the dumplings actually.” 

“Not a problem. Nothing at home for me but four walls.” Taylor said. 

“Same here.” Ike said. 

I took the silver bowl the dumplings were made in and began to wash it. 

“We actually kind of wanted to talk to you also.” Taylor said. 

“Here I thought my food was that good.” 

“It is! Smells amazing. But, we did want to talk to you also.” 

“I’m here, talk.” 

They actually waited until the bowl was clean and I was looking at them before either made an attempt to speak. 

“I’m sorry about how I acted and sounded in Allentown. I did hear them but I didn’t hear everything they said to you, Zac kind of pointed me to the video. That lead to others and you were right, we should have done something to prevent or at least try to stop it. I didn’t have any right to yell at you for standing up for yourself.” 

“You do know you apologized for that already, right?” 

“Yes, but it was very clear you didn’t believe me. I didn’t understand everything that was going on with you concerning everything. I am for real here Gabriella. I am sorry and I wish I had known what was happening because I wouldn’t have been upset at you.” 

“To boot we don’t hate you, we don’t believe the fans versions of why you two are married. We don’t believe you are here for the money or that you somehow tricked him into the marriage. We know that if Zac didn’t want to be married, he would have already filed. It’s unconventional but you two seem to be a compliment to each other.” 

“Guys, it really wasn’t either of you. It was all me.” 

“But we want to make sure you know that we do care about you. Not just as someone whose here, but as our sister. Because that is what you are. You are our sister.” Ike said. 

“The best sister we have really, not just because you are the only one at the moment, but because you have done what no one else could, you took the hyper as fuck brother and calmed his ass down.” 

I had to laugh. “Calmed him down? Since when is he calm?” 

“Well, he’s not being stupid anymore and you are the reason why. We just want to make sure you know that we care about you and we love you.” 

“Have they brought you to tears yet with the sappiness?” Zac asked. 

“Only you do that. I understand Taylor and Isaac, it wasn’t anything specific you did, it was just me and needing to work through things. It had nothing to do with anything you’ve done.” 

I moved to the stove to check the dumplings and then turned them off. They needed to cool a few minutes before trying to eat them. 

“So, did you get progress made?” 

“We did, got a whole chapter edited and done.” Ike said. 

“A whole one chapter? Do I need to come down with my whip?” 

“We’re going slow to make sure we catch stuff and that it’s worded right.” Taylor said. 

“So…Taylor…as the only odd member not engaged or married, when can we expect that proposal?” 

His cheeks flushed this pretty shade of red, made me want to draw him and that was weird for me. 

“Well, I was kind of looking at rings while he was here with you. I think I found the right one though, I think it fits. I have a few actually, I’m just trying to decide which one is the right one.” 

“The one that feels right is the right one.” Zac said. 

“Is that how you found ours?” I asked. 

“Maybe.” 

“Maybe? What does that mean?” 

“I had the ring you have on picked out as a Christmas present but it did feel right and I love mine. So, it’s what I went with. They felt right.” 

“Good save.” Taylor said. 

He came around and kissed my cheek. “Wasn’t a save Taylor. Was the truth.” 

He got bowls and dished out dinner and we sat down in the living room, since we had no formal table. It must have been good since all three went back for seconds and nothing was left in the bowls. I took the bowls to the kitchen then sat back down with them. 

“We done a little moderator clean up too.” Ike said. 

“Why?” 

“Zac told us about the thread he deleted, we’ve randomly checked at different times and we’ve found posts that were left for hours. A moderator was online at the time and had seen the messages, but they didn’t remove them. So, we cleaned up a bit there and removed some privileges. It wasn’t just you either, it was Stella and Nicole along with posted directed at a specific fan.” Ike said., 

“Perhaps that is a good thing.” 

“Yeah, we’re hoping that if we enforce the rules there then it will send a message. There isn’t much we can do legally or anything via Twitter or social media though.” Taylor said. 

“It’s okay, I created new accounts and privatized them all, so no one can really harass me anymore. I still have the old ones but I don’t check them really.” 

“I would delete it actually, maybe they’ll know you aren’t playing either.” 

I giggled. “I could just have Abby tweet about that poor girl I beat up, but I think with them being away it’ll be better.” 

Zac giggled. “You may scare off the ones that do like you if you tweet about her.” 

Taylor and Isaac smiled. “Maybe, maybe not.” 

“So, Ike, no date?” 

“Not yet, but Nicole does want to spend some time with you sometime.” 

“I’m free all the time.” 

“I’ll let her know then, she has crazy hours so I don’t know when she’s really off. I’ll tell her to give you a ring.” 

“Works for me.” 

For some odd reason I kept coming back to Taylor’s slightly pink cheeks, the way his eyes sparkled. He really would make a good subject for drawing, maybe he’s what I needed to move past those cribs. They stayed for a few more hours, talking about everything from their trip to Africa to their cause and purpose, which was always good to hear outside those speeches. When they left I couldn’t quite ignore the strong need to draw him so I got the tablet and Zac watched amused as I sat at the counter while he cleaned up. I was actually using color and for once it felt nice to draw. 

“Seriously? You’re drawing my brother?” 

“There was something about the way his face turned that shade of red.” 

He finished cleaning and I sat here and drew for a while. My finished product was the imagine of Taylor as he spoke about wedding rings. I looked at for the first real time and was rather pleased with it. 

“What do you think? Is it Taylor?” 

Zac came over and looked down at the drawing before me and for a few moments he quietly viewed it. 

“I think that’s the best one of Taylor I have seen in a long time. You captured his eyes perfectly.” 

“That was the plan, does it really look like him?” 

He kissed my cheek. “Yes. It does. In fact, I think it would be a good thing to give Stella sometime. Because it shows how nervous he is, how excited, and how much he loves her. You really are perfect at capturing these types of things Gabriella.” 

I leaned back against his chest. “Damien sent messages to me today.” 

“Damien? Who is this person?” 

“Damien is the bass player for Simon’s band.” 

“What did he want?” 

“He wanted to remind me that they hadn’t forgotten about me, thinks he was my favorite band member. He thinks our marriage is a stunt. He was often there when Simon went on his correcting phases or when I said no and he didn’t care.” 

“He did that more than once?” 

“Couple times, usually around everyone. It was like he thought to establish himself he had to do that with them around. He didn’t really care if anyone was around. I’ve recognized a few people at venues but they haven’t said anything to me. I assumed it was because I was there with you guys.” 

“Maybe. You don’t talk much about them.” 

I closed the tablet. “There really isn’t much that I know, like they weren’t like Carrick or Austin who would ask questions or try to even have a conversation. They aren’t like Taylor and Isaac either. Ash barely spoke to me at all, mostly just grunts. He is a quiet guy. Damien was more vocal but he didn’t really ask questions either, he’s the one that told Simon about my past, so he knows more. He assumes that because I was facing him he was the favorite.” 

“Wasn’t there a girl with them?” 

“Scarlet, yes. Her actual name is Samantha, but that’s not a rocker name. We didn’t talk, she wasn’t like with Sierra and Tera. I think Simon yelled at her because she took me to get the touch up. She didn’t much have anything to do with me after that, she just avoided me.” 

“Well, you don’t have to worry about him. If you feel like he could be a threat then you are always welcome to come hang out at the studio with us crazy ones.” 

“It was just a few messages, no threats or anything. Although, if he starts doing like Simon then I’ll be joining you crazy ones.” 

He nuzzled my neck and put his arms around me. “I’m sure I can find some excuse to get them out of the office.” 

“Not for that long. But, sleep is calling my name now.” 

“Mine too. Everything’s put up and clean so let’s go visit the sandman.” 

We got up and after changing for bed and getting comfortable he was asleep. I laid here a little longer though before drifting off myself.  



	22. Wild Chick

POV: Gabby

  

June 13, 2008 

I’d gone in with Zac this morning, not for the day though. Nicole was picking me up about 10 and as she said in her text we were going to shop until we dropped, I totally didn’t want to be doing that but it was a chance to get out of the house for a while, so I was going for it. Workaholic was an understatement when it came to them, fourteen hour days wasn’t abnormal, I was now learning that. I spend most of the early morning in the office, cleaning. I was bored and it needed it. By the time Isaac came to tell me she was here their office was spotless. 

“What happen to my desk? I can see it.” 

“I cleaned it off but I didn’t unstack or move stuff, just alternately stacked.” 

He looked at Zac’s. “And his?” 

“I knew where stuff went or I found it. I don’t mind snooping in his desk.” 

“Ah, Nicole is here.” 

“Okay.” 

I picked up my wallet from the desk and stuffed it into my back pocket, my phone was in the front, and then followed him to the lobby area. Nicole was there wearing a sleek pale green dress, stockings, black heels and her hair was fixed nicely in a bun. It totally made me look underdressed in my blue jeans shorts and Zac’s t-shirt, which I’d just grabbed in a hurry this morning. My hair was down but I didn’t honestly remember if I had brushed it. She smiled and we exchanged the hi’s and how are you’s. 

I hadn’t spent much time with her really, more Stella than her. But she was always working and with classes too she just didn’t have a ton of time. Although, Nicole was sweet and she would be a great doctor and from what Ike had said she loved children. 

“So, Zac don’t bother to wait I’ll just bring her home when we’re done.” 

“Is that code for ‘Zac cook your own dinner?’” He asked. 

“You know it is.” She said. 

“I suppose I can manage one night. What will I ever do, I may starve!” 

She rolled her eyes. “Only if you don’t cook your own dinner. Anyways, you know…you don’t have to check up or check in or stalk us either.” 

“I have no idea what you mean.” He said. 

“He’s a worry wart honey, I’m sure he’ll text at least twice.” Ike said then smiled. 

I giggled. “More like more than ten times. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I do have a doctor with me.” 

He smiled and we headed out to lunch first, it felt so weird to be there with her and us look so different. She was all prim and composed and I wasn’t. 

“Do you always look so put together?” 

“No. I just had all morning. Why? What you have on is fine.” 

“Zac’s shirt and shorts compared to that dress is not fine.” 

“Sure it is. I’m a girly girl. I generally have on scrubs so I dress up whenever I can. Not everyone is a girly girl though and it’s fine.” 

“I don’t think I ever liked dresses much, maybe when I was a toddler or something but not much as a teen. Well, I guess I did for a bit.” 

“I’ve seen some photos of you in a mini skirt or two.” 

“Yeah, my favorite then. Not so much the last few years but then being a roadie isn’t really skirt friendly.” 

“No, it’s not. Always crawling around and bending and stooping. I remember Ike telling me you were joining them and I thought about Zac, how he’d handle having a female around all the time.” 

“Well, we see how that ended!” 

“He obviously did well. Granted, like everyone I was a little skeptical, but he seems to have changed and when Ike said he really wasn’t like…I guess being the man whore he was before. I can’t think of a more polite way to say that.” 

“It’s okay, yeah he has made a change there.” 

Lunch came and conversation drifted to quietness, perhaps that was good it had gotten a bit awkward, exactly how much did his family know about his personal life? It seemed like everyone knew he was having one night stands all the time. Did they also know about our sex life? 

“I didn’t mean to upset you. Just, Zac and I haven’t always seen eye to eye about things. I know Ike and Taylor both had questionable pasts when it came to that but I tried to tell Zac a couple times he needed to back off and he just told me to mind my own business. I understood but I was just trying to get him to see that you can’t always just find random girls.” 

“You didn’t know Priscilla did you?” 

She nodded. “I did, she was my friend but when Ike told me what she did that was pretty much it for me, the way she just lead him on was cruel. I shudder to think what she would have done if he had asked her.” 

“Thankfully he didn’t, but you didn’t upset me.” 

“Just making sure.” 

We finished lunch and headed to the mall, where she apparently had us signed up for a manicure and a pedicure and I was just way out of my comfort zone. It had been a long time since I had even bothered to do this with a professional, usually done it myself. 

“It’s okay to be girly sometimes, it’s even okay for the 17 year old Gabby to come back. I rather liked that look on you.” 

“I did bring the black hair back, temporary dye back in October. So temporary that sweat had it running down my body, didn’t even think it would do that.” 

“Did you dance that much?” 

“Well, it didn’t run until later when we were alone.” 

“Ah, was it hot sweaty sex that made the dye run?” 

I nearly choked on the swallow of coke I took afterwards, she paused and looked at me. Waited to make sure I was okay. I just wasn’t use to anyone that they knew being so open. Stella and I rarely talked sex or anything like that. The fact she connected the dots and then asked was shocking! 

“Yeah, it was actually. I didn’t…quite expect that question.” 

“Yeah, around the others I try to be fairly quiet about sex. It’s not because I hate it or anything, just I know that Isaac doesn’t want his brothers knowing what we do or anything. Likewise, Stella and Taylor are pretty mum on what they do.” 

“But you all talk about Zac’s sex life?” 

“The last few years, yes. He’s about as vanilla as they come.” 

“How does everyone know that? I am pretty sure he doesn’t go telling you and them what he does or doesn’t do.” 

Although, I wouldn’t mention the handcuffs or anything we had at the apartment, he might would use them in a bad way if I did. 

She adjusted some in her seat and looked at me. “Mostly tweets, posts we’ve seen from the women he has been with. A few have come up to me here in town and like bragged, as if Stella and I would care who he is having sex with. None of them ever said anything weird.” 

That was weird as none had come up to me at all and bragged or complained, then again I was with him most the time around town, so that would be awkward for them to come to me and brag with him standing there. 

“Let me guess, sweet little vanilla Zac isn’t so vanilla? You just looked like you don’t believe that.” 

I shrugged. “I’m not one to judge what’s vanilla and what’s not.” 

“Wild child past?” 

“You saw the pictures, you tell me.” 

She smiled and we finished our manicure and pedicures and then headed out into the shops. Clothing was not something I generally had fun shopping for, I liked a lot of things but it just wasn’t fun to me. Especially in this section where everything had frills, glitter, or lacy accents. 

She held up this stupidly cute dress and I just shook my head, there was way too many pink and purple colors and it was definitely girly. 

“I don’t do frilly.” 

“Oh come on, give him something to grab a hold of and pull you closer!” 

“He has plenty to do that with, my hair works great for that!” 

She laughed and put it back. “Fine! I can’t argue with some hair pulling.” 

She did find a very nice dress that she put in the cart, which we were sharing because really I didn’t need anything. We moved to a rack of pants that had designs, another frilly girly section. 

“So, you and this Sierra chick, what’s the deal there? Saw those tweets and wellll….you were quite cozy with her.” 

I picked up this disgustingly pink pair of pants and handed it to her smiled. “Sierra and I were friends.” 

“Friend friends or the kind of friends you have sex with?” 

She was close and her voice low but an older woman looked our way, made this disgusting face and then moved away from us rather quickly. I giggled a bit and so did she, glad to see our conversation can scare little old ladies. 

“We were the other kind of friends and things just…” 

I really wasn’t sure how to describe it or how to explain it. She was about to hand me those ugly pink pants back when she paused. 

“Ohh, that sounds like you may have been a little more than just friends then.” 

Zac understood but he was also a man and well, I was sure the images running through his head weren’t all g-rated. He kept telling me to talk to her because it would be good, but I wasn’t sure. 

“I was dating Newton and she was on the tour with us, we kind of clicked and I really was attracted to her but I didn’t act on it. Newton kind of gave me to her for the night, with him photographing and joining eventually.” 

“Sounds like fun.” 

I giggled. “It was. But, once wasn’t enough and well, we kind of hooked up without him a few times. Anyway, she told me she loved me and it freaked me out. More because I realized that I loved her. So, I did the logical thing, I ran like hell.” 

She handed the pants back and I put them back on the rack, she then laid a purple top with sequins all over it in the buggy and then looked at me. 

“If you loved her why did you run?” 

“The last two people I had loved left, I didn’t want that again. So, I left first. I caught Newton and Mary having sex, used that as my excuse. I just ran.” 

“Do you regret running away?” 

“I did at first, but then the tour ended and she came home for a few weeks and never bothered to come find me. She then left for California and I didn’t see her again until the tour started this year. She claimed to love me and she never bothered to find me.” 

“Did you consider that she thought you didn’t want to be found?” 

“I did. But, she actually knew where I was. She and I had just tension the whole time on the bus, I can’t go back to that.” 

“So, then you have had a three-some before?” 

“More than one actually, with more than one person.” 

“More than one? Who?” 

“Newton and I with Tera and Sierra.” 

“You mentioned photos of these times?” 

“Newton took pictures both times, before joining.” 

“Has Zac seen these pictures?” 

“He saw the ones with Tera, but I don’t have the ones with Sierra. Newton didn’t keep them but I am sure Sierra still has them.” 

“I’ve had a three some before but two men and I, you haven’t had one like that, have you?” 

I fiddled with the handle of the buggy. “I had one. It wasn’t really consensual on my behalf.” 

“I’m sorry. Mine was and it was fun, perhaps you could talk Zac into it?” 

I had to laugh at that thought, Zac willingly allowing another man to be there? That was beyond hilarious to me and she laughed with me. 

“You don’t think he would? Why?” 

“I think he would agree if I asked a girl, but not another man. He seems content with just me though. I’m fine actually, I don’t really want that. It really didn’t feel good to me and it’s not something I want to do again.” 

“I understand.” 

We moved from the frilly girl section into the underwear section, which I didn’t need anything of. Zac had made damn sure I had enough to last forever. Stella and I had done some underwear shopping with Jack last year around Christmas, but she’d only bought something I didn’t see for Taylor. Nor did she ever model anything, I was just waiting for Nicole to try on something and when she called my name I looked up and there she was in barely anything! 

“What do you think? Sure to make him trip over himself?” 

I blinked, the suit was lime green, it was a lace teddy with adjustable shoulders, keyhole cut out front, cut out sides and a panty bottom. It looked amazing on her and it would cause me to trip over myself. 

“Yeah, he’d totally trip over himself.” 

“Good, now you find something.” 

“I don’t need anything really, well, maybe some pajamas but nothing like that. All I have to really do is touch him in the right spots with the right pressure. Zac is very easy in that sense.” 

“I wish Ike were that easy! I sometimes have to spell it out.” 

She went and got changed and she thought my two choices for pajamas were boring but it was just something cooler to sleep in. She got several pairs of underwear and bras before we left and went to the more generic parts of the mall for what she called requirements, which was make up. I heard Zac’s tone and checked the message. 

**_Having fun?_ **

_Tons…but Ike will have much more fun when he sees that green lace thing she bought…._

**_Green lace thing?! What the hell?_ **

_Lingerie item, lime green. Are you having fun?_

**_Apparently…not near as much as you. Wait…YOU didn’t get anything did you!?_ **

_I did…found those same bambi pj’s in shorts!!!! So you get to enjoy them ALLLL year now!!!_

**_NO! Take them back! If you don’t, I will!!!! I don’t know if I can handle them year round…._ **

_:- ) Kidding! I went with solid colors. Anything we need while I’m here?_

**_Thankfully! And not that I can think of, well…unless you want to get something like her lime green thing in blue ;-)_ **

_Why? It’s just easier for you to take the panties and bra off. That thing looked complicated!_

**_Oh…yeah, nothing complicated! She still planning to make me fend for myself?_ **

_Yep._

She looked at me. “He couldn’t resist could he?” 

“Nope. I think he’s still afraid I’m going to run.” 

She kept make up shopping and I kept texting with Zac until he had to go. We moved a few times to different sections and then we headed to her place for a while. 

“Are you moving in with Ike?” 

“We are talking about that right now, I spend more time there anyway but it’s just a big step to us. How did you adjust?” 

“Adjust? I was suppose to adjust?! Shit. I didn’t really have much to adjust to, I’d been living on a 72 foot bus with him for months, so it was just a matter of adjusting to being right beside him all the time and having more space.” 

“Have you had any issues at all?” 

“Not really, I mean he basically let me do whatever I wanted, about the only thing he said not to do was make it extremely girly.” 

“I haven’t seen his apartment in years. The last time I was there it was pretty bare.” 

“It probably looked the same as it did years ago. I did hang some artwork up and put up some things, cleaned well. I think the dust bunnies behind the TV had set up a little town. It was insanely organized too, bank and jail, homes…” 

She laughed. “I can imagine.” 

“But beyond that it was just minor things, he’s just like do whatever. Long as I didn’t make it pink and put huge flowers everywhere.” 

“I’m more clean lines and family things on the wall. I guess Ike and I have similar taste there, thankfully.” 

“I haven’t seen Isaac’s apartment. I’ve seen Taylor’s once, when we picked him up last year.” 

“Taylor and Stella have the same basic styles but she likes the more girl colors, he’s more bright and bold.” 

“Have you two made wedding plans of any kind?” 

“We’ve had serious talks about the date and if we wanted inside or outside. We’re differing on the season but I think he wants to do spring so we probably will do something outside.” 

“Dress plans?” 

“I’ve had my dress picked out for a long time. It’s the one my mom wore when she got married. Isaac hasn’t seen it.” 

“What does it look like?” 

“It’s a Cinderella style dress, so the top is fitted and has a beaded and lace top with sleeves. The waist down is organza material, it’s like real thin and light but it has a huge bottom. It’ll balloon out around me pretty wide.” 

I tried to imagine myself in a balloon dress? Cringe worthy, but I bet she’d look stunning in the dress. She pulled into her apartment parking lot and after parking we got her things and went inside. Her apartment was modern, clean lines, and a ton of pictures of her and Ike, parents, and other family members. 

“Do you want to see the dress?” 

“It’s here?” 

“Yeah. I keep it here.” 

“Sure.” 

It took her a few minutes and good god the bottom was huge, it was going to swallow her whole! But the top was pretty with the lace and beading accents, it would completely cover her though, except for a space right at her neckline. 

“My mom loved it and I like the top but the bottom is huge.” 

“That it is. Makes me glad I wore a Leia outfit.” 

She giggled. “That had to be weird, but totally Zac.” 

“If memory serves me right, he chose the theme. I just suggested going.” 

She had made some kind of crock pot soup for dinner, but it was early so she checked it and we sat down in the living room. 

“I think you made a good suggestion, I know everyone seemed to be pissed off, upset, or disappointed in everything but I think you both made a good choice. I mean, you both recognized it wasn’t ideal, but you didn’t jump right to an annulment.” 

“Well, I kind of stopped talking to him after that and then I nearly made him a widow. But I think those events are what kind of sealed that we wouldn’t be filing and it was upsetting to his family but my friends just flatly disagreed.” 

“Not their life, you made the choice to move in with Zac and give this a try. No one else has to live with the crazy guy but you.” 

“If I could just get the fans to realize that, I think the entire fandom hates me.” 

She was quiet for what felt like a long time, but couldn’t have been more than a few minutes. 

“The fans can be very nice, the ones around town know who Stella and I are and for the most part they leave us alone. The few times I traveled with them was different. The fans in other states and cities vary from very nice to you need a restraining order.” 

“I’ve not met any nice ones, well, Bailey in New York but even that encounter was skewed to be bad.” 

“I’ve seen a lot of the messages that you got and I never really told Isaac or the other two but I did get some like those also. They were just as bad, just not the same quantity. I think yours are only that way because you aren’t dating Zac, you are married to him. He’s saying that he’s fully committed to you and he wants to be that way for the rest of his life.” 

“So they have to call me a fat whale and a cow? I don’t understand the logic and you and Stella also took them off the market.” 

“Yes, but Stella and I are only dating them, there is a fifty-fifty chance that in a few weeks or months or even years we’ll break up and they’ll be single again. Added, between their whore stage and their long-term stable relationship there was some time for fans to kind of see, oh he’s not that way anymore.” 

“So, you think they are what?” 

“I think these girls are blondes for starters because yes, I will admit it, Zac’s preferred hair color was blonde. Every girl I saw him with had blonde hair, natural or not it was blonde. What you did, is beyond even me.” 

I laughed. “That’s simple, I told him no.” 

She laughed. “Could very well be that. But, I think these girls are just upset and jealous that you have him. Him getting married shocked everyone in the family and I suspect the fans felt the same way. I know it’s hurtful, those comments are downright mean.” 

“I figured Stella would have the mean ones.” 

“I did too honestly, but she had some too but Taylor by that point had already had a few longer relationships, most didn’t think she’d last.” 

“She proved them wrong.” 

“Just like you will. I know it’s been rough and you think they all hate you, but not all of them do. Don’t let them get you down because it’s not worth it.” 

“How did you just ignore them?” 

“Well, I did like you did, privatized my accounts. That way I can see my friends and families post, without seeing 50 negative messages first. Also, if they post something about you just ignore it. Unless it’s an actual threat then you pay attention, blowing steam or not those can be serious. I wouldn’t dwell on what they said either, their intention is to project their hurt feelings onto you.” 

“They did a very good job, in person and online.” 

“In person was hard to ignore for me too, I wanted to beat the crap out of them.” 

“I nearly did!” 

“Isaac told me about that, I would have paid to see that video. I think the soup might be done though.” 

She got up and checked and it was, so we moved to the kitchen and while we ate she talked more about the fans she’d met that were nice, that thought they were just the best couple and cutest, she talked about how Isaac was a diehard romantic and Zac being romantic was a foreign concept to her. We talked more about dealing with fans and then she ran me home about 8:30. It had been a good day over all, and thankfully Zac approved on the pajamas. Why? Because they were short and fit well. He’d managed dinner without burning the house down too, which was a good sign. By ten we were in bed.


	23. Didn't think you would...

POV: Zac

  

June 15, 2008 

Normally on off days what wakes me up is the smell of bacon, this morning however it was not bacon or any type of food. What woke me up was Gabriella’s hand, specifically the right one being wrapped completely around my cock and those very long, slow strokes. Combine that with her warm lips against my neck, I felt the slight smile against my neck when the low moan escaped. I turned to find her lips in the dark, which wasn’t hard. Yet she seemed quite aggressive this morning. Her hand remained slow, making long slow strokes down and back up, occasionally moving to massage the sac lightly. It gave me time to wake up just a little better before she moved to straddle me. 

She hadn’t bothered to really use condoms since she was cleared, this morning was no different as she hadn’t moved to the drawer before she was moving down and I was being engulfed by warm wetness, shit I hadn’t even had to do anything and she was super wet and she didn’t even move slowly, kind of shocked me into being fully awake. She rocked slightly for a few minutes before she started moving, all her moves were quite aggressive to me, the way she was pulling up almost and practically slamming herself down, was different. 

Granted, the moans coming from her lips were unlike anything I’d heard from her or anyone. I laid my hands on her thighs and she pushed them away, putting them away from her. That was odd, she usually liked when my hands were somewhere. She leaned forward rocking harder and that actually kind of hurt, so I got her waist. 

“Hey, little less that kind of hurts.” 

She moved my hands again and this time they were held down for a few minutes, maybe I was dreaming everything here. She was not quiet but she usually said something during sex. She sat back up and again it was hurting how hard she was coming down on me and I was certain it was her too. I got her hips a little tighter, not letting go or letting her move my hands. Which slowed her some, but not much! 

“Gabriella, slow down.” I said. 

“Make me.” 

I blinked, holy shit had she just said that?! I really didn’t understand this but I tightened my grip some, but it really wasn’t stopping her much. It was a distant memory of something she told me months ago. I let my left hand slid around her hip, trying to stop her but that wasn’t working either. 

“Gabby.” 

Her response was a rather hard bite to my neck and the reaction was near instant, my left hand moved and came down not too hard on her right cheek and I expected her to stop but instead there was a moan that slipped out and she slowed down some. Was that all she wanted? When she started to get too fast I just repeated it, but after two pops I flipped her over. It allowed me to slow down quite a bit and marvel at how wet she was, how she seemed to want more. I was fine with a few bites marks of my own, but I didn’t want to do anything else without talking first. It may have been the best wake up sex ever, given I was too tired to really think afterwards. I know she curled up beside me and before long I was out. 

When I woke up there was no one in the room so I got up and went to the bathroom, kind of shocked me at the number of scratch marks on my chest, stomach, and back. I showered anyway and threw on house clothes. I found Gabby sitting in the chair with her tablet, apparently it was Taylor that snapped her out of drawing broken cribs as the last four had been that but the image she was drawing was the same broken cribs and cracked toys. She didn’t even seem to be aware of what she was drawing. 

“Morning.” 

She paused and looked up. “Morning.” 

When she looked down she sighed. “Didn’t know what you were doing?” 

“Not really, not even what I was thinking about. I was rather hoping these were over. I fixed instant oatmeal, kitchens all yours.” 

I kissed her cheek and fixed cereal with juice, least the juice was healthy. She was adding whatever finishing touches there was and I ate and then washed the bowl. I then went and sat down in the living room. The morning was fresh on my mind. 

“You were in a strange mood this morning.” 

“You define horny as a strange mood? You are always horny.” 

“It wasn’t that, it was the make me comment, the bite.” 

She glanced up from the tablet. “You seemed to catch on to those fine.” 

“I never thought you would want that though, not after Simon.” 

“Well, I mostly certainly don’t want those kinds of spankings, but you did what I wanted. You didn’t even leave a mark.” 

“Why didn’t you just tell me that’s what you wanted? I wasn’t even sure.” 

“I guess if I had slapped you then it wouldn’t have been good huh?” 

“Uh no. That would not have been good.” 

“I figured that wasn’t something you were into. But, why did you think I bought a paddle? Simon over stepped it but really you wouldn’t be the first person I asked.” 

“Did you ask Sierra?” 

Just the look she gave me said she had, but she wasn’t going to talk about her. She pretty much stopped talking to her completely, even though she still asked me how she was. 

“You knew Newton did, you know several have. Just, Simon was worse.” 

“I didn’t know that was something you wanted.” 

“Hasn’t been really, but I trust you. I know that you won’t be like Simon. Although, I think it was Newton that caught on that sometimes I do things that annoy him for that very reason.” 

“Is there anything you do that annoys me?” 

She smiled. “Believe me, I can find something.” 

Perfect, she’d be on a quest to find the one thing that annoys me now. But, seriously I didn’t think there was anything that she did that truly annoyed me. Then again, I guess there were things she could do that I wasn’t quite aware of yet. 

She closed the tablet. “You are okay with it right? I know you like vanilla stuff.” 

I raised an eyebrow at her. “Vanilla stuff? I recall several things that I wouldn’t dare deem vanilla.” 

“Yeah, but you didn’t suggest them I did. If I hadn’t bought the handcuffs would you have ever even considered using them?” 

“Maybe.” 

She tilted her head and crossed her arms. “Really now? You would have purchased those on your own?” 

“I wouldn’t have gone to the store, online maybe.” 

“Come on Zac, you are vanilla and you know you are. My god Stella and Nicole know you are.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“You think we don’t talk about sex when we’re alone? Apparently they know from tweets from your previous one night stands. Didn’t do anything weird or kinky with them, evidently not Priscilla since Nicole knows her and I’m guessing with Crystal it was the same way. Clearly no one ever bothered to go for your prostate which you love. You were shocked when you opened your gift!” 

“I wasn’t expecting a bondage kit for Christmas! Those weren’t legitimate partners, just one timers.” 

“Just admit it, you are vanilla.” 

“I am not.” 

She got up and walked over to me, moved into my lap almost like a cat. But, seriously she couldn’t want another round right now though. 

“Yes, you are.” 

“I wouldn’t say being tied up or tying you up is being vanilla.” 

She kissed me, not really aggressive kind of sweet actually. “You are, but that’s okay.” 

“Fine! I’ll admit I’m vanilla but really? It’s not like I had anyone that I trusted to tie me down or do anything like that. After Priscilla it was just sex for release and that was it.” 

Her lips trailed across my jawline and I yelped a bit when her teeth sank into my neck. 

“I know and that’s why it’s okay. It means I can totally teach you everything.” 

“Let me guess…you like role playing too? Teacher and student?” 

She giggled against my neck. “Not really, I never got into that. Unless I’m being photographed.” 

I pulled her closer to me. “I just didn’t understand and I don’t want to do something that upsets you or actually hurts you.” 

“Guess it’s good I didn’t ask to be choked huh?” 

“Choked?” I asked. 

“Yes, Zac.” 

I moved her back so I could tell if she was fucking serious about that, based on the serious expression she was. She had never said she wanted to be choked or that she had before! 

“I thought breathing was good during sex.” 

“I guess it’s a good thing that I mentioned that first…” 

She then explained that it wasn’t cutting off the air supply completely, but more just enough pressure to enhance the feeling and maybe have it a bit difficult, but not impossible, to breathe. The feeling of her hand around my neck to demonstrate was something that really sent a chill through me, it was exciting but not scary. Yet, when she moved my hand there the look on her face was elation. But, neither of us got undressed. After lunch she asked about the laptop and the disk, so we set it up on the counter and sat down with it. 

“Any idea at all what could be on this disk?” 

“None.” She said. 

“Well, let’s see if we can figure out what was so important you had to be hurt to obtain it back.” 

I put the disk in and for several minutes nothing came up, but then when it did it was just lists of random letters and numbers, it made no real sense to either of us. 

“Can you print these out?” 

“Yeah. Why?” 

“The black bag this was in came from Simon. He packed my clothes in it when he kicked me out. It was the only bag he would give me. It’s also the bag I used on tour. Simon and Ash liked to have codes for sending messages, because they were drug users and paranoid. I am guessing if this is something that they did, it’s a code for something.” 

“Are you thinking that Simon was behind them coming to the house?” 

“I’m not sure really, Simon has been a hands on person. I can’t see him hiring someone to come get this. If he knew it was in the bag, he could have showed up and gotten it. He wouldn’t have hired someone. But, we interacted with so many bad people that anyone could have put it there.” 

“I’ve been meaning to ask if Simon wanted anything more…” 

“More? Can you be more specific?” 

“You were with Newton and two others, was that something Simon also asked for?” 

She got rather quiet on me for a bit. “Damien.” 

“Damien?” I asked. 

“Damien asked Simon for a night with me, asked in front of me actually. Simon initially told him no, I was his girlfriend after all. Damien let it go for a while but a few months before he actually kicked me out, he asked again. Simon wouldn’t agree to a just handing me over but he was open for other stuff. I wasn’t asked, I was told what I’d do.” 

“He basically made you participate?” 

“Pretty much. For the record, that wasn’t something I enjoyed at all. No part of it. I wouldn’t be asking for those as I’m going to say no.” 

I kissed her cheek. “No worries on that, but I’d also never force you into anything.” 

“Did you ever want a three-some?” 

“Andrew told me once they were quite fun, but his was two boys one girl. He hasn’t been part of one where he’s the only guy. Personally? I don’t know about being anywhere near a second naked guy.” 

She giggled. “Afraid he may show you up?” 

“Not possible, just not something I feel like I’d want to try. Maybe years from now, but not now.” 

“And another girl?” 

“That would be up to you really, wouldn’t mind it personally but I also don’t want to do anything that would upset either of us. I think right now three-somes might do that.” 

“Good answer.” 

“Years from now we can revisit the idea but I think right now what is best is just the two of us.” 

“I agree. So, I can try to figure out what this says and all, maybe it’s just a bullshit disk they think is important.” 

I had to e-mail the stuff to myself to print but it worked and she had several sheets to work on. She played for a bit and while she was occupied with fighting aliens, which she was getting much better at I did some research on my phone with no volume. No porn video ever come close now so no fear of needing to explain anything but it gave me some ideas on what she wanted or what I hoped I understood what she wanted. I fixed our dinner about 6 and then afterwards let her clean up. She was just getting done with the last plate when I walked in, put up the tea and then walked up behind her. 

“Almost done?” 

“Yeah, just a plate left.” 

I stood here behind her as she finished the last plate and put it in the drainer then let the water out and rinsed the sink down. Thankfully her hair was up so it let me go right for her neck and I placed my hands on the counter on either side, not letting her move left or right. Her head tilted to the right some giving me much better access and I moved up to her ear with slight little bites. She went to turn but I stopped her. 

“You are where I want you.” 

I then bit into the spot just below her neck gently and she sighed, but tried to turn again. I laid my hands on her hips keeping her right there, kept on with her neck. After several moments I moved my hand up under her shirt, sliding it up her abdomen. I knew she wasn’t wearing a bra, so my fingers found the nipple on the right quickly. Slightly rolling it and again she tried to turn but I stopped her again. 

I responded by maybe pinching too hard because she gasped, but her ass pressed into me and I smiled some. I slid my hand over to the left side, causing me to move a bit as well. When she tried to turn again I stopped her and let my left hand fall against her ass. 

“When I want you to turn around, I’ll turn you around.” 

I gave that same side a nice squeeze before I moved it around to hold her still, letting the other hand continue working on the nipples. They were hardening in my fingers as I kept on and I was finding this to be arousing. I moved back to her neck, moving around the side and leaving little marks there. She remained there for quite a while before I pulled the shirt above her head and laid it on the counter. I let both hands focus on those nipples, loving the way she moaned as her head fell back, but she reached for the shorts and I stopped her, laying her hands on the counter. 

“Don’t move them.” 

“If I do?” 

I bit into her neck. “Don’t move them.” 

Her hips came back against me. “You won’t walk away. You don’t want to take care of that problem without me.” 

“Trust me, you don’t want to move them.” 

I saw her tongue glide across her lower lips, could read it in her face she no more wanted me to stop than I did. I ran my fingers up her arms and then down her sides and around, undoing the shorts myself. I had to move them down and I brought the black lace panties with them, letting her step out of them. 

I admired her ass for a moment, no signs that I’d ever done anything. I let my hands trail up and she moved back as I got closer but I just moved them on the outside of her thighs. It wasn’t the first time I’d been able to simple admire her without pesky clothes. I placed kisses all across her shoulders and when her hand came off the counter I dropped my hand harder against her ass. The sound was sharper and I briefly wondered if that was to hard but her hand went back to the counter, she didn’t say anything but I could tell her breathing had changed slightly. 

I let that hand moved between her legs, a full palm rub and found she was pretty wet. I did that a few times before slipping a finger between, circling the clit and when her hand came off the counter I used the free hand a little lighter. 

“Fuck…” 

“Too much?” 

She giggled and I blinked. “I’ve been hit harder by a girl, so not too much.” 

I let that finger put a little more direct pressure on the clit, knew it worked when she leaned forward. I leaned down and kissed her shoulder and nipped a bit, ignored that comment. She left them there for a while, it wasn’t until I was up to two fingers that her hand moved off the counter, but she’d gone for the clit and not a breast, I let that pop be harder, the sound much sharper and her skin turned a slight pink. I expected a yelp, got a very deep moan. 

I stopped and rose up, this wasn’t working so I slid my hand up her back, grabbing a fist full of hair and pulled her up probably too gently. I then lead her to the living room, putting her hands on the back of the sofa. 

“Don’t move them.” I growled. 

I felt the shiver run down her back but when she looked at me her eyes were clouded with lust and defiance. I let my left hand run down her back and back to two fingers, she’d been this wet before but it was different, almost some deep need. I figured that out when she moved both hands. I went for the other side this time, leaving it a slight pink color too, but her hands didn’t go back. Instead she moved and then turned to me, she was aggressive with the kiss and at the same time her hands were undoing my pants. She dropped to her knees and took my pants and underwear with her, nearly causing me to fall. 

Her hands were around the base and making rather quick strokes moments before I felt the back of her throat, which was nearly too much for me. I had to slow her down, she did slow but it was still much more intense than before, her hands were tighter around me and twice I felt her teeth drag along the length. 

“Mother fuck.” 

I finally pulled her up and bent her over the back of the couch, she yelped when I pushed in but it was a good sound. The sound of my thighs hitting the back of her legs was vibrating in the room and I could feel the slight warmth of her ass against me too, her hands were grabbing the side of the couch and she was pushing back against me almost as hard as I was moving forward. 

“Fuck, harder.” 

I increased my speed, listening to the sound resonate in the room. Impulse caused me to bring my left hand down on the right side and she yelped and then moaned, fuck that was hot. 

“You like that?” 

“Yes!” 

I repeated the same action on the other side and I think I could almost feel her get wetter, it was so different but her hands clenched the pillows on the back and the moans were loud. Knowing she liked it, I made sure to let my hands fall against her ass a few times before I pulled her head up some by her hair. 

“Son of a…” 

Her words were drowned out by the yelp, I moved one hand to twist a nipple causing another few curse words but when my hand moved to her neck I couldn’t even describe that noise, some mixture of a moan and a curse word, but neither were clear. It wasn’t long before I could feel her inner walls tightening around me and the sort of strangled scream since my hand was still there. It wasn’t long before I could feel the tingling sensation myself and I let her hair and neck go and moved my hands to her waist before I came as well. 

I didn’t want to move at all and neither of us did for several minutes. I was pretty certain the floor wasn’t my brain’s initial idea but it worked as she came with me. I laid there staring up at the ceiling, feeling her beside me for I don’t know long before I felt soft kisses to my shoulder and turned my head. 

“You looked a little stunned?” 

“I am a little.” I said. 

“Think you can get up and maybe shower?” 

“I think I just want to lay here a little longer.” 

She laid her head down on my shoulder. “The bed would be more comfortable.” 

“Can you even get up?” 

She smiled and kissed my shoulder. “Yes. You’ll have to be a lot rougher to get me to a point where I can’t even get up. But your learning.” 

Rougher?! I wasn’t even sure if I was capable of that. She got up and I watched her walk to the hallway, the red marks on her ass still pretty bright in color. I pulled myself up and made my way to the bathroom where she was already in the warm water. How the fuck she could even move was beyond me, but I had to admit the shower did help. She curled up beside me after we laid down and I swore I heard this little soft noise and I kissed her forehead. 

Sierra wasn’t the only person in this world that could get her to purr. Clearly it took really rough sex for those purrs, is that Sierra’s secret? She was much rougher with her then? 

Shortly after that she was quiet and she was asleep long before me.


	24. I wanted...

POV: Zac / Gabby

  

June 19, 2008 

We were both at the studio by nine, but I was taking her to Stella’s at one today. She was currently sitting on the sofa texting with Abby and I was focusing on e-mail. Taylor came in at 9:15 and Isaac a few moments later. 

“Morning.” Ike said. 

“Morning.” She said. 

“You look tired.” He said. 

“I’m fine.” She replied. 

“Morning Zac.” Taylor said. 

“Morning.” 

I kept my head facing the screen and letting my hair down, but I knew I couldn’t all day. They were content until ten and then we had to talk and for that I had to face them. I couldn’t hide and they both exchanged looks. I knew they would ask anyway. 

“Um, Zac…what happen to your cheek?” 

“Nothing.” I said. 

“Um, looks like something. It wasn’t there yesterday when you left.” 

“I slapped him..little harder than I expected.” She said. 

“Um…did he piss you off or something?” Isaac asked. 

“Not in your traditional sense no, but something close. Not going to happen again unless he does piss me off.” 

They both looked at me and I knew her explanation wasn’t good enough for them and I could see the questions dancing in Taylor’s eyes. 

“We tried something new sex wise, I asked her too but I didn’t like it so it’s not something we’ll be doing again. Neither of us expected the mark to last this long. It’s fading already though so I’ll be fine.” 

I wasn’t sure if either of us had actually slept since Sunday night. She kept insisting I wasn’t hurting her and she kept wanting things to be rougher, harder, faster, or even more painful. I had asked but I hadn’t expected it to be that hard and that had pretty much killed my mood, which did nothing to her. I’d found that even butterflies can be useful in those times and well, Sierra can no longer claim she only purred for her. Yet, I was wondering if something was wrong because she was just very insistent. 

“You asked her too?” Taylor asked. 

“Yes. I asked her to slap me. Read about it on a website, said let’s try this but it wasn’t what I expected so, we’re not doing that anymore. Now, let’s move on because I have to get her to Stella’s by one.” 

“You’re going to Stella’s today?” Taylor asked. 

“She asked me to come over for a bit and just hang out. No particular reason why. I figured I wouldn’t be bored there.” 

“I doubt you will be.” 

We moved on to another chapter and she was drawing something, hopefully not cribs. Turns out she was drawing guitars, because they were hanging on the wall behind Ike, of course he was in there too. It was a good drawing. We all went to lunch about 11:45, she and I went home and heated up some leftovers and she dropped off her tablet and then I drove her to Stella’s. 

“We’re planning to be done by four and I’ll come back for you.” 

“I’ll be here. I rather can’t leave until you do come back.” 

I smiled. “I know.” 

She leaned over and kissed me, her hand going right for my crotch. “Or we could go back home.” 

“Gabby, you promised Stella and Taylor and Isaac would just call until I answered.” 

“No fun. I’ll see you in a couple hours.” 

I kissed her again and she got out, I watched until she was standing in front of Stella’s door before I headed back to the studio. 

**-Gabby-**

I really wanted to go back to the apartment but he had a point, I had promised and they wouldn’t just let him skip all afternoon without a call or a hundred. Maybe being here would be a good thing, so I went to the door and watched him leave. I knocked and she opened the door a few moments later. 

“Hey! I was wondering if Zac forgot.” 

“No, just a little late. We went home for lunch.” 

“No problem. Come in.” 

Her apartment was still spotless, how she managed was beyond me. She offered drinks and I went with a soda and we sat down in the living room. 

“How are things going? Do you feel better not having the fans constantly on your back?” 

“They’re going well actually. Yeah, privatizing the accounts was something I should have done a while back I guess. It’s nice to see your updates or Nicole, without a hundred negative messages.” 

“You look good but you look tired and is that a bruise around your neck?” 

It was a automatic reaction to cover more as I thought my neck was covered well. Her facial expression had concern written all over it though, and I was sure that abuse was her first thought. 

“It’s not like that Stella.” 

“I surely know that Zac is not hurting you.” 

“Not unless I ask him too.” 

She blinked. “Seriously? You asked him to do that?” 

“I’m not and never have been vanilla Stella. Max introduced it a long time ago and I just never really trusted many people to do that, for obvious reasons.” 

“Yeah, I can see that being something you’d want trust with. Is it suppose to bruise like that though?” 

“Zac’s a newbie at this so he got a little tight, but that’s what I wanted. Max left a few also.” 

“Ahh, I just never saw Zac being non-vanilla.” 

“Oh, he’s not vanilla now. I mean, haven’t you and Taylor ever explored a bit?” 

“We have yes, but not that far. We’ve talked about maybe some handcuffs or something but we just never have.” 

“Could be fun.” 

“Could be, just not sure what to do.” 

“Well, I’ll be more than glad to provide ideas. I have knowledge of ropes and being tied up.” 

She smiled. “I’ll hold you to that if I ever get him to agree.” 

I smiled. “Always have agreement when it comes to stuff like that. It’s not fun if they make you.” 

She looked at me. “Experience that too?” 

“Yeah. It’s much more enjoyable when you have the option to bow out if it gets too bad. Otherwise, it’s just very unpleasant. Is it something you wanted to do as well?” 

“I’ve thought about it, but haven’t really looked into it.” 

“I would advise research too, hey could be a good night alone date. Watch bondage porn.” 

“Did you do that to Zac? The way he is I’m shocked if he got through one.” 

“No. I just sprung it on him, asked obviously before doing more.” 

She got up and walked to her bedroom door, peeked in and then returned. That was odd behavior but maybe I was just making her uncomfortable with the topic, so I decided that changing it would be better. Stella wasn’t huge about talking to me about sex and given the topic it could just be too much. 

“So, how’s the bookstore? Anything new I have to have?” 

She spent thirty minutes explaining the new books she’d ordered and the ones I needed to read, Twilight was a biggie on that list but I just hadn’t gotten to it, wasn’t sure about sparkly vampires honestly but Harry Potter seemed like it was something I’d enjoy so I asked more about them. She got up again and walked to her bedroom door and then she went to the kitchen, she was acting strange. 

“Do you want anything?” 

“I’m fine.” 

I was just sitting there when I heard it, this low whine and I had to be hearing things! Stella didn’t have any children and she seemed to not even hear the noise. Fuck, this could not be happening. I tried to figure out where it was coming from but she came through and sat a bottle down on the table. Was this some joke? Some sick thing she wanted to do? Surely Taylor told her, I mean he said he wouldn’t but she was his girlfriend I rather expected him too. 

The low whine had turned into crying and it was originating from her bedroom where she’d gone. She returned after several minutes and in her arms was a baby, not near as young as Ella was. 

“Sorry, I was hoping to time the bottle with him waking up. I failed obviously.” 

She got the bottle and sat down on the couch, several moments later he was sucking away and she was watching him. I felt like someone had just dropped me into a fire pit and lunch was really threatening to come back up. I felt like I was suffocating. 

“I’ll be right back.” 

I got up and tried to walk normally to her bathroom, there were baby blankets and diapers on her bed. Lunch tasted way better going down. But the bathroom was cool and I splashed water in my face. It was fine, I was just reacting to what I thought was hallucinations. I returned and she looked at me. 

“Are you okay? You look a little pale.” 

“I’m okay. I uh…didn’t know you had him.” 

It was logical that this baby was her nephew, who else could it be? He was the only one that she would be watching. 

“I didn’t think I would either but my sister called last night at nine and wanted to see if I could watch him for a few hours today. They wanted to have some adult time, they’ve not had any time alone since he was born.” 

“Understandable. He’s, what, almost six months now?” 

“He is almost there, amazing how time just seems to fly. Feels like he was born yesterday but it was really December.” 

I nodded and tried to stop the torrent of thoughts, it hadn’t taken me long to determine a potential due date, it would have been late November to early December, I wouldn’t be in the hospital then welcoming our son or daughter. It also occurred that we’d be finding out around now what we were having. I didn’t even realize where my hands were until she spoke. 

“Gabriella? Do you feel okay? You’re holding your abdomen like it’s hurting again.” 

“I think lunch is not agreeing much, I’ll be fine though.” 

“Taylor wants this huge family, I’m not sure I want as many as he does.” 

“I’m sure he’ll be fine, he really does love kids.” 

He’d sparkled with Ella, it was clear that he wanted them. He and Isaac both really. 

“He’s so good with Michael here and Michael loves him. He was disappointed that he wasn’t going to be here today.” 

“He knew Michael would be here?” 

“Yeah, I thought maybe he could get off early.” 

That explained why Taylor had been surprised by me being here. It was fine. I could handle this. I mean, she was watching him I was just here. I didn’t have to do anything and I wasn’t technically responsible for him in any way. He finished the bottle and she sat him up and was talking to him. Baby talk and getting little smiles. 

I wouldn’t have that option in a year. I tried to blink away the tears. I went back to the bathroom to pep talk myself back down from just crying hysterically. I got my phone with every intention to text Zac and tell him to come get me right now, I had the message typed out and was about to press send, but how would I explain it to her? Sorry, I’m leaving because your nephew is here? I sent one to Abby instead. 

_Are you there?_

**_Yep – great timing, I’m on break. What’s up?_ **

_I’m at Stella’s…and her nephew is here. I…have no idea what to do._

**_Her nephew? How old is he?_ **

_Six months…_

It felt like forever passed before the ringtone went off. 

**_Honey you can’t avoid every baby forever. It’ll be fine. She’s there and if he needs anything she can do it, you don’t have to do anything but keep her company. Just talk like normal. I know it probably hurts but it’s okay to hurt and you will for a while. Does she know?_ **

_Taylor said he didn’t tell her but she’s his girlfriend, I am sure he did. She didn’t know he was coming over.._

**_He probably did but Gabs, it’s okay. You’ll be fine._ ** ****

I didn’t feel like I would be but I returned anyway, never sent Zac the message. Michael was laying on a palette on the floor, gnawing on the set of baby keys in his hands. 

“Are you sure you feel okay?” 

“Yeah. So, what’s else has been new?” 

I was trying to ignore that he was babbling and making noises in the floor, that her eyes kept traveling to him as she talked about how her sister was doing, how she had decided to return to school and how much of a headache the registration was being. She spoke fondly of her brother in law and how he was working and going to school. Her parents were nagging her about kids and when she and Taylor were getting married. 

I nodded and agreed but all I seem to hear was Michael cooing and playing on his pallet. I felt that nagging feeling that I won’t ever hear that from a child that was mine, that I just couldn’t do it. 

“Are you and Zac ever going to do a wedding or something?” 

“We’re talked about it a bit, but it’s so strange that I’m not sure.” 

We weren’t ready to tell people yet so I was maintaining that, I didn’t want to spill it to her and then Diana be the last person to find out. Because I wanted her to know first and foremost, least I could do after just pulling him into a chapel. 

“I think you should, Diana was disappointed but she seems to really like you. I think she likes you got him to stop doing one night stands with random women. You two are good right?” 

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t we be?” 

“Just making sure the rumor mill was still wrong.” 

“Yeah, I haven’t really…” 

She cut me off excitedly. “Oh my god! Did you see him turn over! Kayla said he was but I just didn’t believe her.” 

She was just so happy about that simple thing and I did in fact see him flip himself to his belly. I forced the smile and the excitement and just sat there. She moved into the floor and was playing with him again, getting these little smiles and giggles, ones I’d never hear. I rather felt like she forgot I was here, because we weren’t really talking or anything. She was playing with him and keeping him entertained. Maybe that was better. 

All I could think about was all the things I’d never experience. I wouldn’t have the stories of how long labor was, or how much it hurt or didn’t. I wouldn’t have the poopy diaper stories or the moments to share like smiles and when they crawl. I kept watching the clock, counting down until Zac got here. It was 3:30, thirty minutes and I could escape without feeling bad. I saw her change a poop diaper and she got up to throw it away. 

“Hey Gabby I’ll be right back.” 

I vaguely even heard her, but the door alarmed me when it shut. “Stella?” 

She wasn’t even in the apartment. No, no…that’s not…where had she gone? I could feel that building panic as I looked at Michael laying in the floor. She’d left me alone with him. What if he got sick? What if he cried? What do I do? I didn’t even know how to pick him up off the floor or what to do! 

He was just playing at first but then he started whining. It almost felt like every thought just ceased to exist, I didn’t have a single clue what to do. I didn’t even know she was back inside or that he was actually crying until she shook me. 

“Gabby, hey. We’re you just going to let him cry?” 

“I…I don’t…” 

“Gabriella?” 

She just sighed and walked to the kitchen. I could hear her telling him it’s okay, comforting him. I had been right all along, I couldn’t be a mother. I’d totally zoned out and had no idea what to even do! I hadn’t even heard him crying. 

The overwhelming desire to forget everything seemed to slam into me full force. There was no husband here to make that go away, no husband to push down or have choke me. I got up and walked to the front door. 

“Where are you going?” 

“I just need air.” 

“Come sit on the deck then.” 

She didn’t seem pissed off so I followed her to the deck, I’d barely sat down before Michael was sitting in my lap, which lasted for fifteen seconds before he started screaming and reaching for her. She didn’t hesitate to take him back either. 

_Come on, I’ll take good care of you._

_One line won’t hurt, may help calm those thoughts down._

One line…that’s all I needed. It’s all I wanted, but I couldn’t leave. Stella wouldn’t let me just leave and there was no way Zac was going to take me either. I just sat here focused on the planter in front of me. I couldn’t hear Michael anymore or Stella. Just the raging thoughts inside my head about needing that one line, the torrent of thoughts telling me I deserved to lose my baby because I didn’t deserve to have those moments. I deserved everything that happened to me because I was just a fuck up. 

“Gabriella? Hey, look at me.” He said. 

I barely moved my eyes to see Zac kneeling there in front of me. I felt his fingers wipe across my face, didn’t even realize that there were tears, didn’t even know he had arrived. 

“Are you okay?” 

“I want to go home now.” 

“Baby?” 

His face blurred completely and I think I rather fell over into his arms. I felt his hands on my back, could hear him telling me it was okay. 

“Come on, we’ll go home.” 

I moved away and kind of realized we were alone on the deck. He got up and helped me up, wiped my face off. He lead me through the living room to the door. 

“Zac? Are you guys not staying for dinner?” Taylor asked. 

“No. I’m going to get her home.” 

“Everything okay? She just…I don’t even know it was like she wasn’t really there. I was worried.” Stella said. 

“She shouldn’t have been here when Michael was, not this soon anyway and not without me. If I had known he was here I wouldn’t have brought her.” 

“Does she hate my nephew for some odd reason? I mean really you act like a little baby is the worst thing in the world.” 

“Stella...” Taylor said. 

“It is when we lost ours in April Stella. It’s not because she hates him, but right now being around a baby is not easy for her or for me. I’m sorry but I need to get her home.” 

I felt his hand on my back and just followed, one line was all I needed. All the way home I just wanted one line. I barely registered the ride home or getting to the apartment. 

But once inside the apartment I knew I could erase the thoughts, I just needed him to fuck me like he had been, I’d be too tired to think. But while I know the kiss would be his clue he got my hands and moved them away from his ass. 

“Gabby.” 

“What? It’s not like you don’t want to.” 

It’s not like I wanted to think about cocaine, but sex could be just as addictive. It could be more so, it could erase the thoughts of wanting another line. It had worked so far, the harder or faster he was the less I had time to think about that one single line. 

“Stella called me early because you were rocking and crying on her porch and she didn’t have a clue why. Surely, you didn’t do that just because you wanted me to come get you to come home and have sex. If that’s what you wanted, you should have sent me the message and not freaked her out.” 

“Come on, it’s not like she really knew I was there. She spent most the time playing with her nephew, or tending to him.” 

“You rocking and crying isn’t a good thing Gabby.” 

“Are you saying no to me?” 

“Yes, I am. Because I really don’t think that’s what you want. You cannot want me to just hit you. Turn on I can see but not every day. I told you weeks ago that if you needed to talk I was here. What happen today?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Nothing happened? So you didn’t get sick? You didn’t just sit there like you were confused all day? Stella may have spent time with him but you didn’t do anything to talk to her either, least not in her memory.” 

The desire for another line was intensifying, it was stronger and I really didn’t want to have this conversation. I just wanted another line of cocaine and to forget that I have feelings for a bit. 

What I wanted was for him to throw me down and fuck me. My eyes drifted down to his hands holding my wrist gently and the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I backed away from him because what I really wanted was for him to really hurt me, like Simon had done so many times before. 

I wanted that pain because it would erase everything else. I wouldn’t crave the cocaine or feel the pain from losing my baby. I’d feel nothing but the pain he’d caused, the pain from the sex or from the hits. 

“I’m just going to go to bed.” 

“It’s not even six.” 

I left him there confused and went to bed, curled up as tight as I could. I hadn’t understood why I’d been pushing him all week to hit me harder, to be rougher, and sure it was a turn on to me and he had listened and done some of what I wanted. I mean, I had the handprint on my butt to prove it. But, it hadn’t been enough. 

What I needed was to sleep it off, I’d be fine after sleep. About a quarter until nine he brought me dinner in bed. 

“You need to at least eat dinner.” 

I started to reject food but maybe it would help! He ate with me here in the bedroom and then took the dishes back to the kitchen. Yet, it wasn’t working. He came in and stripped down and laid down. I didn’t need to ask if I could lay there beside him and he didn’t push me away when I did. 

All food did was make me sleepy, which helped me to fall asleep. Letting the last few days of lack of sleep catch up. I was vaguely aware that he’d tightened his grip around me, but that was fine too.


	25. Craving

POV: Gabby / Zac

  

June 23, 2008 

He may have said no that night but it hadn’t stopped him afterwards and I had to be lying to myself, it was good sex, just rough enough to hurt some but not be too much. Yet, what I was craving was to be really hurt and that scared me. The sex just wasn’t erasing the thoughts anymore, no matter what happen as soon as I was laying beside him I could taste it. The craving was getting worse. He’d nearly not gone to the studio today but the best fake smile I could produce had been convincing enough. 

Yet, once he was gone and the suffocating silence sat in that desire grew, mingled with that was the dreams, my artwork was taking a life of its own. It was one thing to draw a cracked crib, it’s another one to dream about one falling apart as you hear crying but can’t do anything. That was making the craving far worse than anything I’d experienced before. I’d been able to forget for more than a week, I wanted to forget again. 

He had left at seven and at ten I was still sitting in the same spot on the couch. I could call Abigail but she had never done drugs, so she wouldn’t understand and she hadn’t ever miscarried either. Max didn’t even know where I had gone or what had happened, so there was no use in calling him. Sierra would hold me but she just wanted the wild Skye person. She didn’t want me. I was just looking around the room when my eyes settled on a picture from Christmas. Zac, Diana and I. She knew what this felt like, she could help me! Zac had even said she could! 

I got up and changed clothes, taking the pajamas off and choosing shorts and a long t-shirt and then I realized Zac had the car. I thought for a moment and remembered his bike was on the patio, it would be easier and faster than walking. After getting what I would have to have, keys and phone mostly, I left. I got to the entrance to the apartments before that nagging voice slammed into me. 

I could just forget… 

His parents house was to the right, but Tera’s was to the left and I knew she was out of jail now. She’d sent me a text message the day she got home. I had the wheel turned to the left and was about to push off when one of the tenants came by, she was jogging and pushing a stroller. The baby laughed at something and I paused, Tera couldn’t help me, not really. I rotated the wheel and went right instead. The bike ride to his parents house wasn’t extremely long, but it took me just around an hour to get there, because of traffic stops. I parked the bike but no cars were here, so they weren’t at home. They always came in the back door, so I went and sat there. I should probably tell Zac I am here but I just couldn’t find the motivation to do it. I just sat here and stared at the concrete, willing myself not to move. Not to get back on that bike and go the other direction, I just had to sit here. 

I heard the car about 1:30 and before long she was coming around the side of the house. 

“Gabriella, I didn’t know you were here. Zac didn’t say anything when I took them lunch.” 

“He thinks I’m at home, I didn’t even know I would be here until hours after he left.” 

“How did you get here then?” 

“I rode his bike.” 

“How long have you been here? You’re face is very red.” 

“I got here about 11:30.” 

“Honey, let’s get you inside and out of this heat.” 

Honestly, I hadn’t even really noticed that it was hot. But I followed her inside and to the kitchen where she sat her two bags down and then fixed me a large glass of sweet tea without asking. She had me sit near the air vent too and that was pretty wonderful! She put the items up, mostly vegetables and then we went to the living room, I had chosen a shirt with a collar on it to hide the bruises around my neck, she may not be as forgiving as Stella. 

“What happen to your neck? You got some bruising there.” 

Fuck. Obviously the collared shirt did nothing to hide them all and how could I tell his mom he did this because I asked him too?! Yet, the expression on her face was absolute concern. 

“My son better not have done that to you. I know I raised him better than that.” 

“I um…I asked him too. So, it’s not like he just done it on his own.” 

For a moment she looked puzzled and I was afraid she wouldn’t believe me and would think it was just a cover story, but then she smiled. 

“On that note I won’t ask any more questions, but do be careful and may want to back off a bit because that’s pretty significant and not everyone would believe you.” 

“I thought the collar was high enough.” 

“It is when your hair is down, but you have it up.” 

“He is very careful though.” 

“You know I have three boys and they’re all manly men but my mom spider sense is tingling and I’m thinking this isn’t just a social call. It’s not often I find my daughter looking confused and lost on the back porch, added Zac was certain you were at home. Are things okay between the two of you?” 

“Yes, they are and we’ve talked about this but I don’t know if he really has any idea what to really say.” 

I knew Zac could be mad at me for coming here and telling her, but I didn’t know anyone else to go to that may have a clue or be able to explain to me what the hell was going on and more importantly…when it would stop. 

“I asked him not to tell anyone, so please don’t blame him. I didn’t just have appendix surgery in April. I didn’t even know until he told me when I woke up. I was pregnant and miscarried.” 

“I had a feeling that something else occurred, I just didn’t want to push either of you. I’m not mad and I imagine the reason you and he agreed was because of the ones I had?” 

“Yeah. I felt like it would be mean to tell you and then turn around and say there never would be a baby. I didn’t want to upset you or have that hurt in any form.” 

“I understand. So, then why now? Clearly, you aren’t here because you feel bad about not telling me.” 

“I never wanted children, told Abigail when I was 13 that I didn’t want any. It never changed through the years and it wasn’t something Zac and I had discussed either. I just assumed that I’d never have them, Zac was adamant about protection but I never was. I mean, he’s the only one that insisted. I never thought about it, I never bothered to be around babies of any age or even children.” 

She waited beside me, patiently and there was this little voice that said I’d finally made a decision that was right. 

“He told me at the hospital after everyone had left, I had sensed he hadn’t told me everything. There was no reason given. We have talked about it but I don’t understand why it hurts so much when I never wanted a baby. I don’t understand why everything reminds me of something I’ll never have. I started drawing broken cribs and leaking bottles a few days after we got back on the road, I didn’t understand then and I don’t know.” 

“Have you talked to Zac about this?” 

“Yes, a week or so ago and I thought I was fine. But, when he went back to work and I was there alone I realized that what kept me fine was him. He was always talking about something, playing games with me, or we were doing things together, he was providing that distraction that was gone when he went to work. After being there with Michael last week I keep dreaming about cribs falling apart and I swear Friday I heard a baby crying but there isn’t one near us.” 

It felt easier to talk to her, maybe it was because she knew the right words or the right touch that made it feel more comfortable. I found that fears I couldn’t previously identify just flooded from my mouth. The worries about future chances, the fears, every worry, every lost feeling and how I felt I deserved to lose this baby because of my stupid past decisions. 

Her ability to have the right words and touches spurred other confessions, perhaps ones she didn’t expect like the fact that I wanted Zac to really hurt me and he wouldn’t, that I wanted so badly to go to Tera because I wanted those lines to make the feelings go away… 

**-Zac-**

They’d nagged me a little more about the slap from last week but now that my face was fine it wasn’t something they really focused on anymore, which allowed us to focus more on our actual job. We also were planning a fall tour for the Walk or at least talking about one, we really hadn’t made a definitive answer but it was there. 

I felt my phone vibrate and checked, Mom was calling but she knew we were working so I would call her back. I laid the phone down on the desk and was about to comment on the sentence Taylor had just read when her number came up again. 

“Gabby?” Ike asked. 

“Mom. I’ll call her back when we’re done though, she knows we’re editing and trying to get done.” 

Yet, when it began to ring for a third time Taylor laid the book down. “Answer, Mom never does that.” 

I picked it up. “Hey Mom, what’s up?” 

“Put me on speakerphone please, I don’t want to repeat myself.” 

Uh, that didn’t sound good but I put it on speakerphone. “Okay, we’re all here.” 

Taylor and Isaac both said hello and acknowledged we were all present. 

“I’m sorry to do this but I need Zac to leave and come here, right now. Not in four hours, not in ten hours. I need him to leave and be here within the next 45 minutes or less.” 

“What’s wrong Mom?” Ike asked. 

“Gabriella was waiting on me when I got home, I’m not going to discuss why she was here with anyone but Zac. Taylor and Isaac you can finish the chapter or whatever you are doing and he can read it later and approve it. But, this is more important right now.” 

The first thought that came was she had seen the marks around her neck and I was in deep fucking shit for that. Taylor and Isaac were not stupid enough to argue with Mom, so they agreed and she hung-up. 

“Did you two fight or something?” Taylor asked. 

“No. For that matter, I thought she was at home. But, I don’t want to piss Mom off so I’m going.” 

“Not a problem. If we make you stay she’ll scream at us, not pleasant.” Isaac said. 

They decided to keep working and they’d mark anything I needed to review so I grabbed my things and left, the drive to Mom’s made me wonder how she got there. She could have taken a cab, walked, or called someone but when I parked beside Mom’s car I saw my bike which explained how she made it. I went in the back door and found Mom sitting at the kitchen table, but Gabby wasn’t with her. 

“Where is Gabby?” 

“She’s asleep on the sofa, have a seat.” 

I slid into the seat she’s indicated and she slid me a glass of tea, which I loved her tea. I took a swallow but I was confused as to why I was sitting here. 

“Why is she here? Why did you call me? Is it the...um...” 

Shit, I couldn’t say bruises because I didn’t know why she was here and if that wasn’t the reason then I’d be telling on myself like an idiot and Mom and Dad were both adamant, you didn’t hurt women. I didn’t know how they’d react for someone asking me too! 

“It’s not the bruises on her neck, she explained those in no detail terms. No, she wasn’t here for that Zac. She told me about the miscarriage in April.” 

Mom did not look disappointed or upset about that, so I waited on her to inform me of why I was here, her informing my mother about the miscarriage wasn’t cause for me to be here, unless Mom was pissed off at something I did or didn’t do. I knew to wait though, so I did. 

“She came to me because she doesn’t understand how she’s feeling, how she’s reacting, or how to deal with it. We talked about the miscarriage and her feelings on them, she said she told you some of it but she didn’t tell you everything.” 

“I had a feeling that she hadn’t quite told me everything but I remember you yelling at dad when he kept pressing you and after the overdose I was fearing that it would make things worse.” 

“It’s good that you didn’t press her on it, but she just didn’t understand and I think on the term of that she’s better but not out of the woods totally. She thinks she deserved to lose the baby and that she doesn’t deserve to ever have a child, she feels like her bad decisions and behavior over the years has caused this and she doesn’t know how to fix it.” 

She had never mentioned feeling like she deserved this for some reason. 

“She thinks every decision she makes is wrong and I keep telling her it’s not. She just doesn’t seem to believe me.” I said. 

“She made the right one today and I made sure she knew that. She said when she left she nearly went to Tera’s because what she wanted was cocaine. She’s been craving it a lot.” 

“She hasn’t mentioned that to me at all, I wondered if she was but she hadn’t said anything.” 

“She was trying to forget it with sex. Pretty sure you noticed that change the last week or so?” 

My face turned ten shades darker at that. I didn’t think Gabby would ever talk to my mother about our sex life, particularly the one we had the last week or so because that was far beyond normal sex. 

“I understand it’s not something you would expect her to tell me, she really didn’t provide any details just that she was asking you to do things like the bruising and while you were it wasn’t, and in her words, hard enough. It didn’t hurt her like she wanted.” 

“I don’t want to hurt her.” 

“She understands that Zac but it’s what she expects, she’s still learning what a good man is. She said Simon would often make sex very painful either by hitting her or just excessive roughness, it’s what she got use too. She was trying to replace the desire for drugs and the pain with that roughness.” 

“She kept trying to do little things to annoy me or piss me off. But, I wouldn’t. I don’t even like the bruises on her neck.” 

“The two of you can talk more about that, it was more toward the end, her primary reason was the miscarriage. But, she mentioned the cocaine cravings and that as well, not as extensively but by the very end much of what she said was incomprehensible. She’s been bottling a while and why the hell did you take her to Stella’s knowing she wasn’t anywhere near healed and that Michael would be there?” 

“I didn’t know Michael was there or I wouldn’t have. I’m sure I upset Stella but Taylor hasn’t said anything about it today.” 

“He probably won’t, but that was kind of her breaking moment there. She said she was just feeling it and when she put him in her lap and he started screaming that was it, the last few days you’ve helped distract it but this morning it was bad, so she came here.” 

“Stella texted and said something was wrong, she was very quiet until we got home. She just wouldn’t say anything. I’m glad she came here instead of Tera’s, all Tera would have done was give her what she wanted.” 

“I know you may not want to hear this but you really shouldn’t plan or try for kids for a few months at least, she’s really not dealing with this well and I think you need to find her a professional to talk too. I don’t think this is manifesting itself now, I think it’s been there a while but it’s just now surfacing because her life is more stable.” 

“No telling, could come from anything.” 

“She should wake up soon, she was just drained. I’ll fix dinner and you both can stay.” 

“Maybe being here will help her some.” 

She got up and moved to the sink but then turned. “I know it’s not easy having her at the studio but I think maybe you need to for a little while, she needs to be around someone and not there alone. I know Stella maybe upset and hurt, I’ll talk to her.” 

“Thanks.” 

“Now go check on her.” 

I got up and went to the living room, pausing at the door. She was laying on her side, covered up with a blanket and she was resting very peacefully. I got my phone and called Taylor. 

“Hey…nothing bad right?” 

“She came to Mom about the miscarriage and other things, Mom said she’d talk to Stella. Is she that upset?” 

“Not really, I hadn’t told her about the miscarriage and she was pissed at me for not telling her. She’s just confused and unsure about how she reacted, she’s not mad or anything. She just doesn’t understand.” 

“Direct her to me if she has left over questions after they talk. I’ll be bringing her in for a bit too, so prepare yourselves.” 

“Might be best if she made her way to Mom.” 

“Yeah. She’s okay and nothing major just Mom wanted to talk about what they talked about.” 

“Okay, we’ll see you tomorrow sometime then.” 

I hung-up and sat down in the floor, admired her as she slept. I heard Dad come in and he came to the door, but he didn’t say anything. Before Mom finished cooking I shook her gently. 

“Gabby, wake up.” 

She whined and then blinked at me. “Zac? What are you doing here?” 

“Mom called me after you were asleep. You’ve been asleep for a few hours.” 

“I don’t even remember falling asleep.” She said. 

“It’s okay, do you feel better now?” 

“Kind of.” 

I leaned over and kissed her forehead. “You made the right decision to come here and you know that is true. Mom’s about done with dinner, our presence has been requested.” 

She smiled faintly. “Dinner actually sounds really good.” 

She sat up and I smoothed her hair back down and kissed her, but she seemed a little afraid. 

“You’re not mad that I didn’t tell you? I’m sure she told you.” 

I moved hair from her face. “I’d never be mad at you for coming here because you needed someone else to talk to. I understand Gabriella, I haven’t been through it either and I have no idea what the right things to say are, what the wrong things are and I can just guess if you’ve told me everything. We can talk tomorrow or when we get home, but I’d never be mad at you for seeking out someone to help you.” 

“You didn’t want to tell her.” 

“But maybe I should have, because she could have given us both advice on what to do or not to do.” 

“Is there anything that I can do that would upset you?” 

I smiled and kissed her, lured her to me a bit. “I would imagine so, but I don’t see you going home with anyone else.” 

Her arms slid around my waist and she held on tightly. “No one else would put up with me.” 

Mom called us for dinner and we got up, the conversation at dinner was good stuff, Dad talked about worked and Mom talked about a new book, one that Gabby had actually read so that was good. Dad seemed confused on why she was here but I would imagine Mom would fill him in later. Given how late it was, we decided to stay for the night. It was about eleven when we laid down for bed. 

“Do you really believe that you miscarried because you deserved it?” 

“Yes. It’s the only logical explanation until your mom told me they never had reasons either.” 

I kissed her forehead. “That’s not the reason and whatever your decisions are you made the right one today. I’m not sure what I’m going to have to do to convince you of that.” 

“Not be mad that I told her about our sex life?” 

“Least you didn’t give details and if you tried she didn’t understand them.” 

“I don’t think I said much, I was pretty much done by then.” 

“I love you. I’m not going to be mad or upset if you need to tell me anything. Not even if you told me why you’ve been so aggressive and I guess needy? You know I’m not going to hurt you like Simon did.” 

“I know. I really didn’t understand what was happening until we got back from Stella’s, I just realized that what I was wanting was what he did. I guess Stella hates me now.” 

“She doesn’t. But, she didn’t know and if I knew she was going to have him I wouldn’t have taken you there.” 

She curled up against me. “You’re mom said I should see someone. Do you think that too?” 

“I think you do, someone you can trust and someone that can better help you through everything. The foster homes, your brother and Max leaving, Simon and everything that has happened. It’s your choice but if you want to then I can try to find someone.” 

She was quite a moment. “I think that might be a good idea.” 

I kissed her forehead. “I’ll find everyone and we’ll find the right person. Get some sleep, I know we’re both give out.” 

“You didn’t mind my wearing you out.” 

“Oh never will I mind. Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight, I love you.” 

It didn’t take long for her to go to sleep and I just held her until I fell asleep too.


	26. Right Decision

POV: Gabby

  

June 27, 2008 

I was convinced as I sat here in the studio chair watching them argue over a line that I might have been better off at home, but that wasn’t going to happen. In addition, he sprung me with a fall tour this year! They had planned it already and even announced it, I didn’t even think they were doing another one! 

I watched them a few more minutes but eventually I went back to what I was doing, meticulously staring at the pages of coded letters and numbers, I’d tried the common ones I had knowledge about but they hadn’t worked, so I was trying to see if there was a different one. I wasn’t having much luck but it was keeping me occupied. About 11 my phone beeped and I checked it, it was a message from Max. 

**_Gabs..can you answer the door? I’ve been knocking for an hour. I know you’re mad at me but please just talk to me?_ **

I looked up at them, Isaac looked so frustrated with them and they were still debating a paragraph, which was now in the third draft. 

_I’m not home. I’m at the studio. You can come here but I can’t guarantee that Zac’s going to let you in._

**_Can’t you meet me somewhere?_ **

_No. I’d have to tell him where I’m going in his car and he’s not going to let me go alone and I’m not going to lie about it._

**_Fine, I’ll come to you._ **

The room had gotten oddly quiet and I looked up to all three of them looking at me. “What?” 

“That’s Max’s ringtone.” Zac said. 

“He wanted me to answer the door, he said he’d come to me.” 

“Here?” Taylor asked. 

“Yeah.” 

“Do you really think he’s safe here?” Isaac asked. 

“Well, I knew for a fact that Zac’s not letting me meet him alone, so his only option was here. Maybe he’s ready to admit he’s just jealous.” 

Zac didn’t say anything and Isaac and Taylor eventually went back to editing and perfecting, drawing him in. Max sent me a message when he arrived and I got up to let him in. I kissed Zac’s cheek. 

“I’ll yell if I need you.” 

“Okay.” 

He really did seem concerned that I was actually talking to him, perhaps this wouldn’t be one of my better decisions but Max had been a friend for so long, that I couldn’t believe that he would truly hurt me. Even if he had already. I went to the front and let him inside. 

“Wow, this place is pretty big inside, looks small from outside.” 

“I was shocked too, but I can now roam around blindfolded and not hit anything, I usually am as I stare at the phone as I walk around.” 

“How far back does it go?” 

“All the way, they’re back there though and honestly if you want to talk to me you’re better off up here.” 

“I can’t believe you are still with him.” 

“Well, believe it. I apparently can’t get rid of him, I wake up in the hospital and he refused to leave.” 

“Hospital?” 

“Abigail didn’t tell you?” 

“She’s rather not talking to me that much. I guess my temper in Wisconsin and then your surgery she just hasn’t really wanted to speak to me. How did the surgery go? I didn’t cause that did I?” 

I sat down in the desk chair and he chose one nearby. 

“No. The warning signs were present weeks before that, pain and discomfort, swelling, it really didn’t rupture until we were like an hour away or something. Believe me, Zac asked if you had anything to do with either condition I was there for.” 

“Either? You were there for a appendix removal, that’s one condition.” 

His mom had told me when I went to her that keeping it a secret wasn’t always good for me mentally and emotionally, that while I wanted to avoid I didn’t need too. But, I knew how Max would respond and I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it. 

“Gabriella?” 

“It wasn’t just the appendix. That was the major reason I was there but I miscarried as well, didn’t even know until he told me when I woke up from surgery.” 

He seemed confused as he processed the words. “You were pregnant?” 

“Yes. Five to seven weeks is what the doctor said. You slamming me into a wall didn’t cause that either, and there was no reason. Just happened.” 

“You actually had unprotected sex with him?” 

“Yes Max, we have sex without condoms like normal married people do. Anyway, it’s in the past. For the record, we still have sex.” 

“I don’t see why. He actually called to see if you were with me, said you ran away.” 

“I know he called you, he called everyone because he didn’t know where I was.” 

That seemed to shock him, yet I knew Zac had called, he told me he had called everyone and he had the phone records to prove it. 

“You mean…you actually left?” 

“Yeah, I just reached a point where I couldn’t deal anymore. Between you acting like a jealous asshole, Sierra acting like some know it all, fans and just everything. I just ran.” 

“You didn’t come to me, where did you go? What happen?” 

“I went to Tera’s house, I mean I knew you and Abby would be wanting to talk and shit. I just wanted to forget the feelings.” 

“Feeling?” 

“Come on you knew I didn’t want kids, but after he told me I got to the point where every time I saw a baby I’d consider the what ifs and whys, I just didn’t understand.” 

“Are you two trying for kids? Because that’s fucking stupid if you are.” 

“No, we aren’t trying, we weren’t trying then either. It just happened.” 

“I suppose the bruises on your neck say how much you aren’t trying.” 

“You’re fault for introducing it Maxwell.” 

“Pretty sure you had to tell him about it. Why are you still with him? Come on Gabs you know how he is.” 

“I do and it’s not how you keep saying. What is your problem with us? You have no right to be jealous Max, you and I aren’t and weren’t together. You didn’t even try to be with me when I was there.” 

“Abigail and I were together.” 

“But that never stopped you before, come on are you really going to tell me you two never dated way back then? Don’t pull that on me now.” 

“I sent you on the tour to get you out there and to show that you don’t have to be with jackasses. I didn’t tell you to marry the asshole drummer who doesn’t know how to keep his dick in his pants.” 

“He’s done remarkable well with that since we got married. Stop using that.” 

“Well? He’s done well? You were in a hospital suffering a miscarriage and appendix removal and he was in a fucking car with some blonde, trying to make more. Yet, his wife, was just left there alone.” 

“He wasn’t with anyone Max.” 

“Come on Gabriella, you saw the pictures of him with them all. How can you just ignore them? You saw him with the girl in the car and you just what? Let it slide because he was hurting, yet he wasn’t there for you. He just left you there alone to deal with this?” 

I looked at him. “Pictures?” 

“Come on Gabriella. You saw the pictures, I know you did. You had to have seen him in that damn car with her.” 

I was very confused because I hadn’t mentioned any pictures to him and Zac hadn’t said why I’d left either. I was certain that Maxwell should not know about the pictures, and considering that Taylor and Isaac hadn’t seen them, then how would Max know the details of any of them? 

“Gabby come to your senses, getting blow jobs in alleys? Touching fans asses? All while you are there. Come on do you honestly believe he was at the venue when you were in New York? No, he was out fucking some blonde in her car. He’s been cheating on you with any blonde that comes his way.” 

That was very detailed and I could already feel the little flutter of pain, because there was just one way that he would have knowledge of those pictures. 

“Maxwell, how did you know I got pictures? How do you know what they looked like?” 

“He told me.” 

“Even if he told you about them, he wouldn’t describe them.” 

He got up and headed toward me and I moved from the chair. “Don’t come near me. How did you know about the pictures?” 

“Abigail told me.” 

“You just said Zac told you and you said Abigail wasn’t talking to you. You didn’t even know I was missing.” 

“Gabriella, come on. I’m not going to hurt you.” 

He’d toned his voice down to what it had been so many years before like it was last March when he held me as I cried about everything. All he was doing was trying to calm me down, patronize me. His voice also told me he was trying to divert my attention, he was always good about that. If I was mad at him he’d soothe me over and then we’d have sex, had always been that way until now. 

“You put the pictures under the door because you knew if you handed them to me, I wouldn’t believe them. Why would you do that? It’s the only way you would know what they looked like, because no one showed them to you. Even if you were told, no one had seen them.” 

I knew Abigail had, but she wouldn’t have described them to him. He crossed his arms. 

“Of course I sent them to you! Because someone had to break through your delusional ideas that he’s some saint. You won’t listen to me, you won’t listen to the fans that he was fucking the whole time, you just pretended nothing proved it. There was your proof. Yet you still are with him.” 

“My proof? You used pictures from 2005, edited pictures. Do you have any idea what you did?” 

“What I did was give you a reason to believe us.” 

“I nearly fucking died because of you!” I yelled. 

“What are you talking about? You’re fine. The pictures couldn’t have killed you.” 

“Maxwell you had no idea what was going on. You didn’t know about the miscarriage, you didn’t know how I was feeling or what I would do.” 

“You should have come to me, just like you did in March.” 

“I’d told you multiple times if he fucked up I wouldn’t come to you. Why would you be so fucking stupid? I was already feeling like no one gave a shit and that just done it.” 

“I didn’t do anything but show you the truth.” 

“You showed me lies!” I yelled. 

“Calm down Gabby.” 

“No. You had no idea what was going on and what I would do, do you have any idea what you caused?” 

“You would have come to me, I could have helped you. You should have never left my apartment.” 

That little nag of a pain was getting worse as I realized that he’d sent the picture with the sole reason of making me leave, assuming that I’d run to him. He had no idea what he did and when Zac did call, he thought he was lying. 

“Maxwell, I went to Tera not you. She was my only option at that time. After some crying and soothing we went to the living room and Daniel was cutting lines of pure cocaine. I couldn’t say no. No one knew where I was and you thought he lied? Eleven days I binged on cocaine and alcohol and finally James came along and called Sierra who called the paramedics. I was holding a fucking doll crying because it wouldn’t. I nearly killed myself wanting someone to stop me.” 

“What does that have to do with me?” 

I blinked, he really was fucking clueless. 

“I would have never left the apartment had you not slid those under the door. I’d have never gone to Tera, I wouldn’t have done those lines, and I wouldn’t have overdosed. You keep telling me you’re doing this to protect me or to help me, but from where I’m standing Zac’s the one doing that. He came to the hospital when Shawn called him, he wouldn’t leave. He wouldn’t let me just leave alone, he wouldn’t let me just bottle it up. Why do you think I’m here Max?” 

“Because he’s just like Simon, controlling you. He won’t let you visit friends alone, he won’t let you have lunch with me alone.” 

“That’s not why. I’m here because it’s the safest place for me to be. He didn’t hide it from me Maxwell, he told me he would feel better if I was here. Because I almost went back to Tera Monday, I made the right decision to go to his mother instead. You need to leave and you need to forget my number all together.” 

“Gabriella. That is not my fault. He is controlling you here, you can’t go anywhere, you can’t see people, you are no better off here than you were with Simon. At least Simon made sure you behaved, even if it took making you unable to sit down. Even if it took bringing in other men.” 

I was pretty sure that the moment his eyes made contact with mine that he realized he’d made a mistake. There were very few people that knew about Damien, Simon and I. Max was not one of them, I hadn’t been able to tell him at all. That nagging pain amplified quite a bit because there was no way he should have known that. 

“Get out.” 

“Gabriella.” 

“GET OUT!” I screamed. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” 

He was close to me but then he started to back away. I was confused as to why he would he be afraid of me? But then I felt Zac’s body against me and his hands came to rest on my waist. 

“She told you to get out, I suggest you do it.” 

“She needs to fucking listen, you aren’t who she needs to be with.” 

I didn’t mind when Zac shuffled me around and got in front of me, I felt safer and even more so when I saw Taylor and Isaac coming up the hallway too. Evidently, they heard my scream. 

“She doesn’t have to listen to you, she just needs to listen to herself. Honestly Max I don’t want you anywhere near her, but I didn’t say anything because she has known you longer. But, because she is screaming at you to leave, I am betting you’ve said or done something wrong.” 

“Don’t act like you care. You were the one out fucking blondes while she was stuck in a hospital because she miscarried your baby. Maybe that’s a good thing, surely you wouldn’t have given three shits about her or the little brat afterwards.” 

When Zac moved I let go of his shirt because that had hurt me and he’d been just as hurt as I was. I just stood back because not even Taylor and Isaac was doing a good job at pulling him back and I didn’t want to be hit by accident. Taylor and Isaac managed to pull him off and while Zac’s nose was bleeding, Max surely looked worse. I walked over to him and kneeled down. 

“He’s wanted to do that for a while now. I don’t know how you know about Damien but I never told you. I’m sorry Maxwell, you need to leave me alone and by that I mean, I’m done with you. I won’t answer calls, I won’t answer e-mails, or text messages. I won’t talk to you. You are ultimately responsible for the overdose because you thought sending those pictures would make me run to you, you had no idea what was going on and you were just an arrogant prick. I’ll be sure to tell Abigail what happen, whether she remains your friend or fuck buddy or whatever she is, is up to her.” 

“He sent the pictures?” Zac asked. 

“Yeah, because he thought I’d leave and go to him.” 

I really didn’t expect him to go after him again, but Isaac barely got me out of the way. Max never got a hit in that time and after two punches to the gut he actually managed to get away and ran from him. Zac had done what no one else had ever done in my life. He’d stood up for me, proved he was willing to do whatever it took to make sure I was safe. He came back up the hallway and despite the blood, I just hugged him. He mildly grunted, I guess he was a bit sore. 

“Sorry.” 

“It’ll be fine. He doesn’t hit that hard really.” 

His arms tightened around me and it wasn’t long before Taylor’s arms came around both of us. 

“I am not passing up a group hug.” Ike said. 

He was on the other side, I really didn’t mind the suffocating feeling this time. The warm bodies squished against me was comforting and needed. 

“Zac do you need an emergency room?” Taylor asked. 

“No. I don’t think my nose is broken.” 

The group hug disbanded and Taylor checked for him, got the blood to stop and I found a clean t-shirt to change into, considering his blood was now all over the shirt. 

“Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you did he?” Isaac asked. 

“No. Not physically anyway.” 

“Hey, if you feel the need for male friends, Zac has plenty.” Taylor said. 

I gave him a weak smile. “It’s not all that Tay. Just, he knows about something he shouldn’t know about.” 

“Oh..well, he shouldn’t have tried to play your emotions either. Sending those pictures was the worst thing he could do, and you are right he is ultimately responsible.” Taylor said. 

I nodded and after everyone was calmed back down we went back to work, I called Abigail and informed her about what happened, told her their relationship was their business, but if she remained with him or friends with him, that I didn’t want her to bring him around me. She sounded conflicted and confused about what to do but it wasn’t my choice, it was hers. I tried to figure out when or where he would have heard about Damien but nothing came to me. I was glad they called it quits at five, we stopped for Pizza on the way home and then settled down to eat. 

“Going to assume he won’t be going to the police?” Zac asked. 

“Doubtful, he’d have to explain to them why he was there and really all I have to do is say he tried to hurt me and you stepped in. He will assume that Taylor and Isaac would back that story and he has no proof that the bruising on my neck came from you.” 

He paused and looked at me. “That was a well thought out answer…” 

I smiled at him. “I’ve had a few hours and really he’s just going to tuck tail and run. He’s not use to men standing up for me.” 

“I would do it for anyone, not just him. What upset you besides the fact he slid the pictures under the door?” 

“He said at least Simon knew how to make me behave, whether it was a unable to sit down or bringing other men in. The threesome with Damien hadn’t been long when he kicked me out, I couldn’t talk about it to them and I never have. The only ones that knew about that are you, me, and Nicole.” 

“Nicole?” he asked. 

“We were discussing sex lives, she asked if I’d ever been in one with two men. But, I didn’t give her details of who just that I had and it wasn’t pleasant. Not even Abigail knows about that, the only other people that would know are Simon and Damien.” 

“You haven’t really said anything about him, did his texts stop?” 

“From him yes, Damien has sent a few more but nothing bad. Just asking how I was, if I remembered. I would imagine that Simon is the one asking him too.” 

“Probably. We can change your number again.” 

“I’ll just ignore them. Unless they get threatening of which I’ll be calling the police.” 

We finished dinner and as we curled up to watch TV for a bit I actually stopped him. 

“I think maybe your mom is right.” 

“About?” 

“She told me I made the right decision to come to her, that I made the right decision to stay with you. I also think she’s right that maybe a professional is needed. I can’t always be at the studio, I can’t always have you right beside me to make sure I don’t do anything stupid.” 

“You have made a lot of good decisions, just because they tell you they are bad doesn’t mean they are right. Would you prefer a female?” 

“Yes. Because a lot of what Simon did was sex related and well, a lot of my past has that. I think a female would have a better chance of breaking through.” 

“I agree. We’ll find the right one and set up an appointment. But, you can always be at the studio and you can always be right beside me. I don’t mind either of those.” 

“Of course not, still think about me every time you sit at your desk?” 

“In fact, I do. You are so evil for that by the way.” 

I laid my head on his chest. “I could always do a lot more, ever had sex on a drum set?” 

“No…have you?” 

“Many times, may have to break in a few sets.” 

“You realize if we get caught they’ll skin us both alive?” 

“They aren’t always there.” 

I felt him kiss my forehead. “We could buy you a set to keep there.” 

“Na, I can use yours.” 

“You’re not left handed. How can you play left handed?” 

“It’s how I learned, Sierra actually taught me some. She’s left handed.” 

“You ever going to talk to her too?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Okay, well TV or…?” 

I didn’t need to fill in the rest of that sentence and while TV was okay, the other option was far more fun. Added, it was drawing him out of the vanilla bubble!


	27. You Planned This

POV: Zac

  

June 30, 2008; Monday 

The Walk book was done. It wouldn’t be released until later though. We were now shifting focus to the tour and prepping. The three of us were working on that while Gabriella was looking up several psychologist in the area, trying to find one with good reviews and that she felt good about. Max had called, texted and e-mailed her a dozen times and she had deleted them all without so much as a thought. I smiled as I watched her move to another page, she was not someone I wanted mad at me. 

“Earth to Zac.” Taylor said. 

“I heard you Tay, that is fine.” 

“I wasn’t sure, you didn’t respond right off.” 

Gabby giggled. “That’s because he was staring at me. So I can quit being a distraction I’m going to the studio to draw.” 

“You don’t have too.” I said, pouted a bit. 

She smiled as she got her tablet. “But you will focus more if I’m not here.” 

The other two didn’t argue so I didn’t either, without being able to stare at her I was able to focus more. 

“How is she doing?” Taylor asked. 

I rolled my eyes, they just didn’t object but then asked about her as soon as she was out of the room? 

“She’s doing pretty good. We talked more about the whole Max deal and she seems to be okay, sad that he ended up being an asshole. She thought he was better than that. Abigail is still struggling with the entire deal, she loves him but I don’t know. Gabby told her she could do whatever she wanted, but if she chose to be with him she didn’t want to be around him ever.” 

“Not that anyone can blame her really. Did he really send those pictures?” 

“Yeah. Admitted it in an e-mail and was arrogant enough to think if she left, she’d go to him. He doesn’t believe she left or that she overdosed or anything. He’s a fucking jackass and doesn’t deserve anything from her.” 

“Agreed. What about her ex? Simon?” Isaac asked. 

“He has pulled back, almost like he’s forgotten about her. Maybe he is realizing that she’s not going to fall for his bullshit anymore.” I replied. 

“Maybe.” Ike said. 

His tone of voice told me he wasn’t quite certain that he believed his own words though, I wasn’t certain myself. We all heard the sound of the drums at the same time and I smiled, she was playing Stricken. 

“I can’t believe she can play that way.” Taylor said. 

“Yeah, so it’s about lunch time. Who wants to go today? I’ve gone the last three.” I said. 

“We can both go, I rather want a nice quiet lunch out of this place.” 

“Ditto, I want something decent too. Tacos are fine but I want something else!” Taylor said. 

That was perfect for me actually. “We ate a late breakfast, literally on the way in. So, just bring us something back and I’ll do a working lunch.” 

“Are you sure?” Isaac asked. 

“Yep.” 

They were going to Caz’s, so I gave them an order for us both and once they were well on their way I went to the studio where she was sitting at the drums, but her drawing tablet was in front of her and she was looking at something across the room. I looked over her shoulder and found guitars on her page. 

“You are lucky I heard you come in, otherwise you might be hurting badly.” 

I leaned down and kissed her neck. “They left for lunch.” 

“Lunch huh? Yet you came here instead of going to eat?” 

Again, I kissed her neck and then moved the tablet out of her lap. “I’m glad you wore that skirt today.” 

She turned to me. “My Mr. Hanson are you coming on to me?” 

My answer was a kiss, which she deepened. I couldn’t believe I was even here with any intention at all, but she clearly had planned this well. 

“I think you planned this.” 

“Me? How would I do that? I can’t plan your moods.” 

“You wore the skirt, my favorite pair of thongs, those nice pretty lace blue ones.” 

“How would you know? You weren’t in the room when I got dressed.” 

I nipped her neck again. “Because you flashed me several times while they weren’t looking, then you know how irresistible you are when you’re drumming and you played my favorite song.” 

“Then why are you still talking?” 

That was a great question considering we didn’t have endless time! I had to admit that sex here was exciting, that aspect of being caught didn’t help and yeah I am glad my favorite set of drums was set up, because I’d always have that memory, which may or may not be good for me when I’m suppose to concentrate on a show. By the time Taylor and Isaac returned with lunch there was no evidence at all that anything occurred. She and I had lunch and we worked. About three she answered her phone and after several minutes she was calling off the studio’s address, we all looked at her once she’d hung-up. 

“That was Detective Mabis, he’s on his way to talk to us. He said it was important.” 

We went ahead and wrapped up what we could and then Isaac let him and Detective Myers in when they arrived. We sat down in the main lobby area where extra chairs were. 

“Good evening Mr. and Mrs. Hanson. Is it okay to speak in front of them?” Mabis asked. 

“Yes.” She said. 

“We came to talk to you about your attack last November.” 

“You mention progress? What did you find?” 

“We have arrested one of the men responsible for your attack, he was arrested for a burglary charge and his prints matched those we found inside the apartment that did not belong to anyone known. We confronted him with that evidence and he admitted to being there.” 

“Which one?” She asked. 

“The blonde haired guy, you indicated he was there a while but left.” Meyers said. 

“Does he have a name?” I asked. 

“Harper Brown, he’s twenty-three. Do you recognize the name?” Mabis asked. 

Taylor and Isaac looked confused and unsure about the information, but they’d been informed on what happen. He had directed the question to Gabriella but she was thinking. 

“The name sounds familiar but it’s not someone I knew well or really knew, just heard the name casually.” 

“From?” 

“My ex-, Simon Barns. I heard him talking to a Harper once, but I thought it was a girl. Did he tell you who the other two were?” 

“For a reduced sentence he rolled over on them. He identified the other two as Chris Reigns and Quinton Brooks. Are those names familiar?” 

“Chris Reigns?” She asked. 

“Yes. He was the guy with black hair.” 

“I heard Simon speaking to him months before he kicked me out. He often didn’t tell me why and his conversations were clipped and short. I assumed it was someone that he knew in the drug trade. Simon was a drug user.” 

“Mr. Reigns has a long history of assault charges, robbery, and drug related charges. But his prints weren’t found so we may need you to identify him by his voice. The same goes for Mr. Brooks.” 

“I should be able to do that. Um…did they mention why?” 

“Mr. Brown said they were for hire to solve problems. They have a specific newspaper box they use, they receive written orders there on who, what, and why and they provide an amount. Unfortunately, you were not a mistake. The address they had was correct and it was you they were after. There instructions were to break in and find the floppy disk at any cost. The time was up to them and they said they chose those days because you were alone.” 

“So they watched the apartment?” I asked. 

“Yes. We didn’t find a suspicious car because they didn’t use a car, they walked in.” 

“Was their intention to kill her?” Isaac asked. 

“No. They were not given instructions to kill her. Just whatever it took to find the disk. They knew she was being picked up Thursday so when they couldn’t find it they left. Mr. Brown was unaware that Mr. Reigns had stabbed you and the rape was not included either. They were paid Twenty-five thousand to try, it would have doubled if they had found this disk.” 

Gabriella got up and went to the office and returned with the disk. 

“This is what they were looking for.” 

“You had the disk?” 

She handed it to Detective Meyers and sat down. 

“The disk was in the lining of a black duffle bag, when we got home I was upset with Zac and I didn’t grab it out of the bay. Taylor actually got it out thinking it was one of his, when we left earlier this year he brought me the bag and I found it. There isn’t anything worth it on the disk, it’s just a list of random letters and numbers. I’ve tried to decode it but I can’t.” 

“Do you have any idea where it could have come from?” 

“The black bag was the one Simon packed for me when he told me to leave. However, it was on tour with me also and in a bay where everyone had access to it. It could have been anyone that was on the tour or even venue staff. I mean I wasn’t careful with it. However, if I had to guess I’d say Simon because the coded words looks like things he used.” 

“You said he was a user of drugs, was he also dealing?” Mabis asked. 

“Honestly, I don’t know. There were times where he talked with Ash and Damien. Scarlet would keep me up front or elsewhere in the building, but I just assumed it was related to the tour or something.” 

“What about at home?” 

She looked at me and I smiled at her, nodded. 

“At home he would lock me in a bedroom sometimes when they were over. He usually would tell me I’d done something wrong. Ash, Damien, and Scarlet were over a lot even when we were home.” 

“Do you think Mr. Barnes would put this kind of hit out on you?” 

“Honestly? Maybe. He’s been trying to get me back with him but I haven’t really seen him in a while. But, he was always a hands on guy, so I find it hard to believe he would contract anyone if he knew about it.” 

“The last time I saw him was when he tried to drag you off to the bus.” I said. 

“When was that?” Meyers asked. 

“October of last year, around the beginning of the month. He approached her outside and when he tried to pull her away I stopped him. She didn’t want to go, so I wasn’t going to let him. As far as I know, that’s the last time she saw him too.” 

“Yes, it was the last time I saw him also. He texted mostly and used e-mails this year, but nothing threatening, just put downs. So, they were after this disk?” 

“It appears so, they weren’t told what was on the disk or where it was, just that you had it. He said they considered coming back later but you moved in with your husband when you left and the security there was a little better. There are cameras that monitor even walking traffic in and out. Added, his fans are like paparazzi genesis, they were afraid someone would catch them.” 

“Have you arrested the other two?” She asked. 

“We have warrants out for their arrest, Mr. Brooks lives in Oklahoma City and Mr. Reigns last known address was Jenks, so we’re looking for them. Mr. Brown said they had decided not to pursue you again because really, they went through everything and found nothing. They were however unaware of this other bag being missing.” 

“Would they have left had they found it?” Taylor asked. 

“He didn’t say.” Meyers said. 

“Thank you for the update.” She said. 

“You’re welcome. We may need you to identify and if so we’ll call you.” 

“That’s fine.” She said. 

They said their goodbyes and left and we sat back down with the other two. 

“You found the disk and didn’t say anything?” Isaac asked. 

“Was right before tour and I didn’t want everyone to know about it. It’s like pointless gibberish anyway.” Gabriella said. 

“Maybe to you but to the owner of the disk it could be very important. But, least it’s not in your possession anymore and that’s good.” 

Neither of us mentioned the print outs she’d been working on were from the disk. But we finished up the last few items early and she and I headed home. She started fixing some kind of soup since we had some extra time and while she was cutting I sat at the counter. 

“So, did you decide on anyone?” 

“I have two but figured you could check them out too. Doctor Cortez who looks like a Spanish lady and Doctor Jackson who is an African American lady. I like their credentials and both have good reviews, but I wasn’t sure about the schools they attended, Cortez was listed as one in Tulsa while Jackson was like in California.” 

I pulled them up and both women had great reviews but I noticed that Dr. Jackson’s reviews mostly dealt with common problems like stress or drugs while Cortez had a lot of reviews from domestic abuse victims. I did some searching on the schools as well. 

“I’m thinking that Dr. Cortez is your best option. School wise there even, both are accredited and legit, but Cortez has more experience with domestic abuse, which is close to what you have in your past.” 

“Cortez it is. You want to call and make the appointment since you have the insurance cards anyway.” 

“Sure.” 

I called and lucked out that she had an opening for a new patient the second, so I made the appointment for 10 am and then shot Taylor and Isaac a message saying I needed that time Thursday, which neither minded. They understood that mentally she needed more help than any of us could provide. She finished the soup and while it cooked we cleaned up a bit, she put away clothes. 

It was domestic life and I loved it. I wasn’t sure if I would really, because of everything that occurred with Priscilla but I was just wishing that I had met her much sooner. When dinner was ready we sat down at the counter. 

“So, you mentioned this big family gathering for the fourth?” 

“Yep. It’ll include cousins, uncles and aunts, some you haven’t seen because they don’t live around here.” 

“How about we tell everyone then about the wedding plans?” 

“Could we maybe discuss that first?” 

“What is there to discuss?” She asked. 

“Are you sure you want that for starters? Don’t do this just for my mother, if you don’t want the big deal then we don’t have to do it.” 

She considered it. “I want that experience, couple months ago I would have said no but hearing Nicole talk about it and really, you and I both deserve it too. Something we’ll completely remember. Added, your parents deserve it.” 

“Okay, are you sure you want New Years day? January 1?” 

“Yes. I’d ideally like something that occurs around midnight, but that’s kind of rough for a lot of people. Although, I wouldn’t mind a December 31 st date with a reception that passes midnight.” 

“Which can happen, the wedding can be done around 6 or 7 pm, receptions can last a long time. You know Mom’s going to be ecstatic and want details.” 

“I know but I know something that will help calm her down. You leave that to me. As for the other details we don’t have to have that to tell people.” 

“True, what are you planning?” I asked. 

“I’m not saying. Have you considered what you’d want in a wedding? It’s December or January, both cold as hell so that eliminates everything outside.” 

“Yeah, those dates no outside wedding. So, we can do inside.” 

“Church or just a venue?” 

“Either really, you haven’t mentioned faith in much religion things.” 

“Neither have you. I think a venue would be best considering we aren’t really doing this for the first time. But, either is fine. Our wedding date will always be in November.” 

“Okay, colors?” I asked. 

“That I have no clue on honestly.” 

“Well, we have time. So, we can announce it and then discuss everything else. We have plenty of time.” 

“Did you never consider this before?” She asked. 

“I did briefly, but then she fucked all that up.” 

“Is there anything you don’t want? Something you’d just despise?” 

I considered this. “I guess if I had to eliminate things it would be dark colors like black or neon colors of any kind. Beyond that I really don’t have a preference on colors.” 

“I figured you’d want blue everything.” 

“I did consider that but really blue everything is a bit overboard. I won’t mind including it somehow, but I don’t think I want it to be overpowering.” 

“For the record, if you think I am wearing some big ass poofy looking dress like Nicole, you are out of your mind.” 

“She has a dress already?” 

“Her mother’s, it’s this huge puffy thing, but don’t tell Ike he doesn’t know about it.” 

“Ironically, I never thought about that. But, you don’t strike me as the large poofy dress type. I mean the skirt you wore today isn’t poofy.” 

“Not even when it’s around my waist.” 

“Definitely not when it’s around your waist.” I smiled. 

We finished dinner up and I cleaned up the kitchen and put portions into containers for lunch tomorrow. We then caught about an hour of programs before we both decided sleep called our names. I was really liking the new pajamas she’d gotten with Nicole, because they were tighter and shorter and just perfect. Especially when she was cuddled up with me.


	28. Fireworks Rock

POV: Gabby

  

July 4, 2008 

My doctor’s appointment yesterday had gone well, Dr. Cortez and I hit it off easily and talked for the entire 90 minute appointment. She however had me coming in three times a week for a while, because in the after consultation talk she picked up on things that were still there and she wanted to make sure we covered things slowly. Zac made the appointments early so he could bring me and then get to the studio at a decent time. I was glad that she was someone I felt comfortable with. Because I’d been nervous as hell meeting her and then telling her about people and things that happened. 

Today’s plan was to spend the whole day with his family, there was a reunion in the park where we’d be all day because we were staying for the fireworks that night over the river. I had been invited to a party by Sierra for the day but I hadn’t mentioned the text to Zac and I hadn’t bothered to reply to her either. 

“Hey buttercup...what should I wear for lunch?” 

I walked to the door in my towel and leaned against the door, he looked up from the bed and smiled. 

“That’s totally fine but I think others would disapprove. Do I have options?” 

“I have the looser shorts, the ones you love because they accent my ass, or I can chose a skirt. Bottom dictates top.” 

He pondered his options for what felt like forever before he smiled. 

“What kind of skirt?” 

“I have a peachy colored one, black one and a few different shades of blue. Are you seriously considering that option?” 

“You rarely wear skirts or dresses of any kind, it’s going to be hot today and it’ll be cooler on you.” 

“You want me in a skirt around your entire family?” 

“Honey my family won’t judge you based on what you are wearing, they just want to meet you. Least the cousins and ones that have not yet gotten too.” 

“Sure?” 

“Positive.” 

“Okay, skirt it is. Any color?” 

“The peach one would be perfect, pair it with the white tank top that has the lace shirt over it. It’ll be parent approved and not overly hot.” 

I nodded and went to the closet, the peach skirt was a decent length, it came down to about 4 inches above my knees, so it wasn’t like it was a mini-skirt. I left the shirts untucked and paired it with a pair of sandals that I’d picked up. They were white and had straps around my ankles, down my foot and around the top of my foot, so they would stay on good. When I came out he was fully dressed in khaki shorts and his grey, arrested development shirt with the head in the center. He smiled when I came out. 

“Perfect.” 

I left my hair down but took a band with me, and we headed to the park where everyone would be. 

“Are we still telling everyone?” I asked. 

“Yes. December 31 st, late in the afternoon.” 

“During lunch?” 

“I’ll stand up and announce it when everyone is done, then you can drag my mother off for whatever it is you want to ask that you won’t tell me about.” 

“Deal.” I said. 

We arrived a little early and met up with Taylor, Isaac, and his parents. His mom actually liked the outfit, so that helped a lot. Nicole was also here with Isaac, her parents had not been able to come but that was okay. Taylor said Stella was on her way, she had to close the bookstore. 

“She must be mad at me, she hasn’t called or texted.” 

Taylor smiled. “She’s not mad at you, she didn’t understand your reactions and that was my fault really. I should have told her what happen and I should have told you he was there. Her sister is coming today though, so formal warning.” 

“He won’t be the only baby here.” Ike said 

“What do you mean?” Zac asked. 

“Aunt Beth’s daughter, Sarah, she had a daughter the first, there coming today for a bit. She was released and wants to show off the baby. Added, you know she has Nickolas who is 5 and Aunt Rebecca’s oldest Michelle has a one year old and a three year old, but I don’t know if she’s coming or not.” Isaac said. 

Internally I could feel the turmoil already, so many little kids and at these events it wasn’t just one adult responsible we all were. I felt Zac’s hand on my back and the little gesture was nice. 

“You’ll be okay, I’m here with you.” 

Thankfully Stella arrived before anyone else and I was glad she greeted me like nothing ever happened. She actually apologized for the over reactions and I told her I was sorry I had been such bad company. Her sister was here with Michael and she was making rounds, when they reached us I was glad he didn’t scream when he saw me. He was all smiles today. 

I was terrified that the people I hadn’t met would hate me or not like me in any way. There were a lot of cousins that I had not met. So, I kind of stuck around those I had met, which was his parents and his brothers. I really hadn’t met many cousins, maybe one? 

“You cannot be Zac’s new wife. No way.” He said. 

I turned confused at who was talking to me about the time Zac got him in a headlock, I was confused and unsure on what was going on. 

“Eyes to yourself dude, she’s mine.” 

“No fucking way! It’s not possible.” He then poked Zac in the stomach what seemed to be pretty hard. “Your chubby self could not have landed such a hot wife. Not possible.” 

I assumed this guy was a cousin or something, Zac wasn’t acting mad and clearly the comments didn’t piss him off. 

“He is a drummer Chase, they get all the hot babes.” He said. 

“Fuck you JJ.” 

“This is Gabriella, my wife. This is Chase he’s Aunt Beth’s, and this is JJ, he’s uncle Matthew’s mistake.” 

“I was not a mistake! I am the perfect one. It’s good to finally meet you Gabriella.” 

“You both as well.” 

“You have to tell me what you see in this dork? I mean really…you can have anyone you want and you chose him?” 

I giggled. “Sorry Chase, JJ has a point. He’s the drummer.” 

“NO! That cannot be it! Something else has to be it. Damn sure can’t be his sex skills, too damn vanilla.” 

“Chase.” Zac said. 

Chase just gave him a challenging smirk, almost daring him to say something. JJ put his arm around my shoulder and looked at me. 

“Ignore Chase, they named him that because he clearly chased skirts even as a newborn.” 

“Ouch little Cuz…that hurt.” 

“So true.” Zac said. 

“You have no room to talk Zac, least girls didn’t tweet about me not being able too.” 

Ouch, that had to be the lowest blow I’d heard so far in this little squabble and it was also clear that they were very competitive. But the look Zac gave him wasn’t very friendly and I imagined those few tweets were still a very sore spot to him. 

I walked over and put my hands around his waist gave him a tight squeeze. “The only skirt he chases is mine now. As for those tweets, not his fault they didn’t know what turned him on. I mean, they can’t be me Chase, there is only one of me.” 

JJ laughed. “I like her. Totally keep her.” 

Another guy appeared from nowhere it seems, maybe they all had Taylor’s ninja abilities. “Okay Zac, where is this wife of yours?” 

“Dude, she’s right here and she just cut your brother in half. You will love her.” JJ said. 

This new guy put his arms around Chase. “Did she?” 

Chase just snorted and Zac laughed. “She totally did. Gabriella this is Bradley, he’s Chase’s older brother. Sarah is their sister as well.” 

“Speaking of, she’s here but your mom is fussing at her for bringing Stephanie out this soon.” 

“Is that what she named her?” 

“Stephanie Nicole.” 

“We’ll go see her in a little bit, I know everyone is parading right now.” 

“Definitely.” 

Knowing she had a newborn I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to see her or meet her, but I guess eventually I would have to. I meet the aunts, uncles, and the other cousins. It was nice seeing Zac joke and cut up with them. I realized that his family was now mine, I had cousins and aunts and uncles, I’d never had those and had no clue if our parents had siblings or not. 

Not that it would matter, they hadn’t wanted us either. I mentally filed that away to speak to Dr. Cortez about because really the only family I had was Shawn. I did note that while Zac was dragging me around to meet people, he was also avoiding Stephanie or anyone with a child. I’d seen her, she wasn’t hard to miss with the bright red hair, so when she punched him in the shoulder I just smiled some. 

“Excuse you Zachary. You trying to avoid me?” She asked. 

“No Stephanie I’m not.” 

He wasn’t avoiding her, but he was avoiding the tiny little human wrapped in a pink blanket, one she was currently carrying. She didn’t at first acknowledge me, which was okay, but when he introduced us she was friendly and warm. She didn’t ask either of us if we wanted to hold her and I was glad for that. 

We sat down at the tables about 2 and had lunch, which was awesome. Shawn had dropped by about 1 and stayed for a little bit, he had to be at work at 3 though so he took a plate to go. When I walked him to the car I told him about the wedding plans. We waited until everyone was done eating, most were just talking and then Zac stood up and used the silver serving spoon to tap his can of Dr. pepper. 

“So classy!” Bradley said. 

“What? Dude we don’t have champagne glasses here. We wanted to make an announcement since everyone is here, consider this a save the date. Gabriella and I have decided to do a formal wedding on December 31 st, the time has not been set but it will be late in the afternoon and the reception will go well into the new year. We know a lot of family was upset that we didn’t do formal before, so we wanted to do something more.” 

I noted the disappointment in some and realized his opening line about news was often done when babies are due, which is really close to when we would be actually telling people we were due and December was close to when we would be. But I kept those details to myself. Some asked him questions but we didn’t have anything else to tell them at this time. After a round of desserts people split back up to talk, socialize, visit the new baby, or just hang out. Zac was with Bradley, JJ and Chase, which I gathered were closer to him. 

I finally spotted his mom and managed to grab her and drag her away from the main group. Actively seeking her out because I really had a question for her specifically. I was sure Zac saw me because he smiled as I beelined her. 

“You are seeking me out, are you okay with the children being here?” 

“I uh…have been able to avoid them so far.” 

“You shouldn’t though, it could be a good healing process for you. So, if it’s not that what is it?” 

“Well, a few weeks ago Nicole and I discussed her wedding dress, it was the one her mother wore and she was excited about that. But, I realized that I didn’t have a mother than could go with me, so I’d like for you to be there with me when I do that event, which I have no idea when I should.” 

“Are you sure? Parents do not have to go Gabby.” 

“Yes. I am sure that Abigail and all would steer me right but I don’t necessarily want to be talked into something either. I would like for you to be there because you are basically the only mother I have and you also won’t allow them to talk me into something I don’t want.” 

She smiled. “I don’t need a reason Gabby, just that you want me there because you want it. Not because you want to make up Vegas to me. That is done and I’m getting what I want just by the two of you doing this. If you want me there, I will be there.” 

“I do want you there.” 

She smiled. “Then I will be, as for when I would suggest a few months before December so the dress you choose can be altered or even ordered in some cases. I hear your touring again so maybe end of August sometime?” 

“Yeah, touring again. End of August sounds like a good time. They’ll be super busy practicing and preparing so it’ll be okay if I sneak away.” 

“As for the baby thing I think maybe you would benefit from seeing Stephanie. I know it’ll be hard it was on me. I know you want to avoid babies all together right now, but honey you said you didn’t want kids until after you lost this one. Maybe having some more experience with them will help you determine which set of emotions you truly identify with. It’s far better to know that right now, than to realize you really don’t after you have one.” 

“Dr. Cortez will also help. I’m just not sure that I can handle that and I really don’t want to upset anyone else like I did Stella. She thought I hated Michael and I don’t.” 

“Sarah knows that you’ve lost a baby, she does not know that it was Zac’s or that it was not long ago, but she knows. It’s possible she put two and two together, but I can’t say for sure. She won’t press you to hold her or anything unless you want too.” 

“She didn’t press him earlier about holding her.” 

“Possible she figured it out then. But, maybe it’ll help you a little bit.” 

“What if I upset Sarah or Stephanie?” 

“Sarah won’t be upset Gabby, Stephanie will pick up on negative feelings but you don’t have to hold her or anything. Just be around her, get comfortable with that.” 

She kissed my forehead and then we headed back to the main area, where I got to talk to some of the others for a bit. I saw Sarah move away from the group when Stephanie got fussy, I’d noticed she was clearly breastfeeding her. How she was even standing or moving was beyond me really. I sat here on the blanket with Melissa and Lisa, who were talking about some more current pop type bands, mostly it was Backstreet Boys. 

I hadn’t really expected Michael and it was before I talked to Diana and Zac about everything that was really going on. I didn’t have to do anything with Stephanie, but maybe Diana was right. I excused myself from the conversation, I wasn’t really keen on a lot of Pop music or boy bands, unless they were 80’s hair bands that was, which they hadn’t had a clue about them. 

Sarah was sitting on the bench, a blanket covering Stephanie’s face and her breast. Zac had noticed when I walked by but he was playing ring toss when I passed. I stopped at the end of the bench. 

“Do you mind if I join you?” 

She looked up and smiled. “Not at all as long as Zac stays over there for a bit.” 

“He’s playing some game, pretty sure he’s going to stay there for a bit.” 

I sat down beside her on the bench, avoided looking at the blanket and now that I was here, I had no idea what to say to her or even in general. 

“Diane talked to me before I met you, she didn’t tell me when but it’s not hard to see that it was recent, even Zac isn’t asking to hold her so I’m going to assume it was his loss also. I won’t tell anyone though, I know you may not want everyone to apologize.” 

“It was April, I went in for an appendix rupture and the doctor found out while I was there.” 

“Zac looked quite sad when he saw her earlier, I kind of pieced it together then. I know it hurts like hell.” 

“I didn’t even know I wanted a child until he told me what happen. Up until then I was pretty set on not ever having them.” 

She smiled. “Honestly, I was the same way. I was pretty sure I didn’t want children and then I got pregnant with Nickolas. I had so many fears about being a mom. What if I hurt him or do something wrong? I really didn’t know that I did want him until he was born, the first time I laid eyes on him. We weren’t even trying for him, he’s our shock baby.” 

“Did you plan her or is she a shock baby too?” 

“Not really, we had decided on a second and we talked it over, just said it would happen when it did. July 1 st she made her appearance. Honestly, I should be at home. But, I heard you and Zac and the other two were going to be here and I couldn’t miss it. It’s so rare we get to see them outside Christmas.” 

“I understand that well, I feel like I am never home anymore.” 

“Pardon me just a moment, she is done eating.” 

I waited as she adjusted or rather as she tried, it was clear this was her first experience with breastfeeding or she’d forgotten the basics one. I really wanted to help but I had no idea what I could do, but I couldn’t just let her drop Stephanie because she didn’t have enough hands and I wasn’t about to volunteer to touch her breast. 

“If you’re okay with it, I can hold her while you get adjusted.” 

“Are you sure? Aunt Diana said you hadn’t really held a baby.” 

“Well, who better to teach me than someone with two?” 

“Are you sure Gabriella? Believe me, I know it’s not easy and it’s still fresh in your mind. I’ll get this fixed eventually.” 

“I may never be sure Sarah.” 

She nodded and after a few moments, fixed the blanket around Stephanie and then moved to face me. She gave me basic instructions like where to put my hands, how to keep her neck and back supported and even after her weight was in my arms, she adjusted them slightly. 

“Before I move my hands are you okay? I can feel your hands shaking a bit. You can’t be nervous Gabriella, babies sense that.” 

“I’m just afraid she’s going to hate me or I’ll drop her.” 

“You have a good grip of her, you won’t drop her. She doesn’t know what hate is Gabriella. She doesn’t hate you. As long as you’re comfortable, she’ll be fine. If she gets fussy it’s okay too, sometimes babies just cry.” 

She kept her hands there for several minutes before she let her go and I could tell her entire weight was on me, didn’t feel so light anymore. She went to fix her bra and adjust and I just sat there, if I didn’t move I had no chance of dropping her or hurting her. It felt so weird to be holding a baby, especially one so young. I tried to look everywhere, but at her. 

Yet, this tiny little whine caused me to look down, Stephanie was actually awake, moving just a bit and staring at me. Her eyes were the brightest blue I had ever seen, there was blonde peach fuzz around her head and her skin looked so soft and smooth. Her tiny hands were balled up and when she whined again I tightened my arms, fearing she was uncomfortable. I knew she was just a few days old, but I swore she smiled at me. 

Even then, I could feel that deep pain that meant I wouldn’t be holding my own baby in several months. Yet as I looked at Stephanie I wondered if maybe that was a good thing. I was seriously screwed up and I needed help with a lot of things. Most of them being emotional issues. Perhaps, that was the reason that our baby was gone, it may not have been the true reason but it made sense to me. 

“Are you sure you’ve never done that? You look content sitting there.” 

“I uh..have never held a baby this small, I had Michael in my lap for like fifteen seconds. She’s actually the first one I’ve ever held like this.” 

“You are doing great, she’s been doing great though too. You are more than welcome to hold her as long as you want. My arms could use the break!” 

I giggled some. “She’s awake actually. Just laying here.” 

“Still? That’s weird.” 

She even peaked over and smiled. “I think she likes you, she’s usually out cold five minutes after nursing.” 

“I don’t see why.” 

She smiled at me. “I am sure that one day you will be a mom and you’ll be fine. Zac’s not like the baby pro in the family but he has some experience with children. Nickolas he held a few times and I’m sure he’ll hold her eventually. I know it can’t be easy for him either.” 

“He has expressed some emotions to me but he’s pretty quiet elsewhere. It hurt him too and I think it didn’t help that he was worried about me also. He’s been avoiding some things but not as badly as I have.” 

“I saw the tweets about your emergency room trip, some of their fans are just complete assholes.” 

“I saw about everything they said about me, I’m kind of wary about going on tour again. I mean, I want to take the walk with them, I don’t expect everyone to like me but I’d like for the fan base not to completely hate me.” 

“Some of them will hate you Gabby, there were a few rumors about Zac and I and all we did was hang out as cousins, I mean they’re ruthless. But, I have noticed that some of them are coming around. I haven’t seen so many negative comments.” 

“I haven’t checked, I created the new accounts and just forgot the old one. It was just a point where I was getting…not suicidal but very depressed and I have a history with cocaine so that lead to some problems and an overdose. But, Zac is very adamant I am not doing that anymore.” 

“Zac seems so different with you. I hated Priscilla because she always had this bitch face going on and she was the queen shit because she was with him. I’ll never tell him, I’m glad they broke up. If he had married her I’d have to do a cousin divorce.” 

I laughed. “Never heard of those before, but guess it’s possible. I’ve met her on tour a few times.” 

She told me more about their past, how close the family was and even some rather embarrassing stories about them all. Throwing her brothers under the bus as much as she did Zac, Taylor, and Isaac. Stephanie had eventually drifted off to sleep, but I was fine to simply hold her. Mindful that even as we talked she was there, I noticed the pain seemed to decrease, I didn’t feel like I was going to drop her or that I’d hurt her. 

Zac eventually walked over and choose the spot on the ground at my feet, there was just something in his eyes that bothered me though. Yet, he talked to Sarah and joined in for a bit. Taylor came around with his camera about 5. 

“Alright, closer, Zac you’re fine but Sarah you need to scoot over.” 

I wasn’t sure about this picture but she scooted, Zac complained but given how low the bench was it was a good picture. Yet, Taylor had to get one of just me and Stephanie. He didn’t push for the Zac one and when it was feeding time again he closed his eyes while she adjusted. My right arm felt pretty numb but I felt okay. We talked more while she fed her and afterwards Zac asked to hold her, he even moved onto the bench so she wouldn’t be close to the ground. 

Sarah was right, he knew already how to hold newborns and I could see the slight tear in his eyes but I think holding her helped him as well. It wasn’t forgetting but making peace with the fact we won’t have that but eventually we could. Taylor came back around for another picture with Chase. 

“Damn Zac, you are always surrounded by women, what the hell are you doing so I can do it too?” Chase said. 

He giggled. “I’m the drummer dude, you have zero drum skills so you are just shit out of luck.” 

Even Taylor laughed at that one, Sarah even found it amusing. She and her husband decided it was time to go right after that, it was late and they needed to get Nickolas home and settled and get Stephanie settled too. Zac actually put her in the car seat that her husband had brought over. Clearly he knew how and was pretty good at it. We walked with them back and I got to actually meet Nickolas, who was a very talkative little boy. 

We were alone on the way back to the group though after saying our byes. 

“You looked comfortable with Stephanie.” 

“She terrified me at first, but Sarah was a pro. I think it helped that I’ve talked to your mom.” 

“I think so too.” 

“Are you okay? I know you held her too but you didn’t seem as happy and you looked concerned when you first came over?” 

“I didn’t know you had her and it kind of shocked me. Then it made me wonder what you’d look like and what he or she would look like, just set off thoughts that I hadn’t really had.” 

“I’ve had the same thoughts too.” 

“But, it’s July 4 th and we’re not going to talk about such sadness. Let’s go back for dinner, Dad was throwing some burgers on and he does the best grilled burgers!” 

He was not kidding, Zac’s were awesome but his dad’s blew his out of the water. We did separate ourselves from everyone for the fireworks, because he wanted that moment for us. One where he didn’t mind kissing me, since no one else was there to witness it. It was about eleven when we finally made it home, after the fireworks there was saying goodbye to everyone and cleaning up. We were worn out so we both pretty much just went to bed as soon as we got home.


	29. Titans of Fun

POV: Gabby

  

July 19, 2008 

Earlier in the week I was stupid. Andrew, Jack, and Zac were all having some video game marathon and somehow the subject of Six Flags came up. When they asked me I should have lied but I didn’t, I said I’d never been to one and that the fair was about my extent of thrill rides. Well, that did not fly with any of them and within an hour they had a hotel booked and we drove down yesterday. They only booked one double bed room, which was actually okay. 

Zac had been fine with this arrangement until an hour ago when he woke up incredibly horny and realized that they were both still asleep and he didn’t like the idea that they would wake up and catch us. Yet, his problem solving skills kicked in and before long we were in the bathroom, yet it was still fucking hard to be quiet! The bathroom wall wasn’t that sound proof. His only problem, once we were done, showered, and dry we had nothing to put on. He wrapped a towel around him and got us clothes quietly. Yet, when I came out the other two were sitting up. 

“For the record, the bathroom walls are not that thick. I want no details.” Jack said. 

“Speak for yourself. Are you seriously wearing that?” 

Zac had brought me the shirt Stella had given me for Christmas, white with a red heart on the front and he’d brought me white khaki shorts. I saw nothing wrong with what I had on, I was pairing it with some white sandals. 

“I’m not telling anyone what happened in the bathroom and yes, I am. Why?” 

“No particular reason.” 

Zac came out dressed in black shorts and the grey, Everybody Else shirt. He sat down in the chair and complained about his hair so I just took the brush, it had gotten so long, so quick. It was insane. The other two got their morning showers and got ready, Andrew came out first in just his boxers and Zac gave him a odd look, but before he could say anything I kissed him. 

“It’s okay.” 

Andrew chose brown shorts and a bright, neon yellow shirt that had a smiley face on the front, Jack stuck to rather tight khaki shorts in black and a white wife beater shirt. We got breakfast at the hotel and then walked across the street to the park. There had been some that I saw coming in that had terrified me, but I hadn’t said anything. Once we were inside Andrew suggested a water ride but everyone shut him down, it wasn’t even 10 yet. I followed them to the Conquistador, which just kind of rocked back and forth, it was awesome. The next ride was the La Vibora and I was sketchy, because there was no track. 

“What if we come out of that little round tube?” 

“We won’t.” Andrew said. 

“But what if we do?” 

“Then Zac here will save you and be the hero of the day.” Jack said. 

“Of course.” Zac said. 

I was nervous as fuck but the ride itself wasn’t that bad, couple times I just swore we were going to roll our way right over the top but we didn’t. El Aserradero was the next one, this was a semi-water ride. We would be floating in a tube like track, no chance of coming out hopefully. It was still early so the line wasn’t huge but like always, there were fans. Zac did seem annoyed with a group of girls let others in front of them just to be right in front of us. 

“Is this normal?” Jack asked. 

I nodded. “Yeah, it is. Are the lines always this way?” 

“No. The lines will get longer as the day goes on. Popular rides will have at least an hour wait.” Andrew said. 

“We could have gotten the Rapid Pass.” 

“Naa, Zac wanted me to have an authentic experience.” I said. 

The fans were asking questions about the tour, the new EP which they were recording the next two weeks, they asked about any new merchandise and as the line slowly moved I was wondering if they were ignoring me on purpose, not that I cared. Although when Zac got tired of answering questions he struck up a conversation with Andrew and Jack about the game they played earlier this week. Only then did they notice me and the pointing and the giggling started. 

I sighed, I guess the fans would never like me. Why was I even bothering to be nice and try to please them? I would have to share him during the tour, I had to share him even now. They even proved me right because when his conversation with them clearly was coming to an end, they grabbed his attention again. I simply followed, what else could I do? 

“How many times have you been here?” I asked. 

I was kind of hoping to get my husband’s attention, but Andrew and Jack were appreciated too. 

“I’ve been to this one a few times, also one in Georgia and Coney island, which is way better. But, this one is closer.” Jack said. 

“I’ve been to all but the Georgia one and I’ve lost count how many times I’ve been here.” Andrew replied. 

I glanced at Zac hoping he would answer, but he obviously hadn’t heard me, even if he did look bored. He’d told them at least ten times he couldn’t tell them about the EP, Tour, or anything else. I was so glad when we reached the boarding area, but they tried to pull him into their group and that was not going to work. I moved in front of him and put my hands on either side, blocking him. I was drawing a line there, he would only ride with me. 

When their little boat thing had moved away he leaned down. “Thank you.” 

The actual boat thing was shaped like a log with a padded seat down the middle, no belts or buckles, no separation. 

“Dude, I am not sitting behind Zac.” Jack said. 

“We can take two.” Zac said. 

“We can put you in the back then her, we’re brothers it’s not entirely weird.” Andrew said. 

That settled seating and when we got in Zac sat down in the back and I settled down right in front of him. 

“Pretty sure that’s your favorite place to be anyway Zac.” Andrew said. 

“Always.” He said. 

Jack groaned and we were off. It was a little rocky, I wasn’t entirely sure about that. The first little mini-drop came out of nowhere and when Andrew yelped I didn’t bother to apologize. I briefly heard Zac giggle but he did pull me back against him. 

“There is another one at the end.” 

“Like that?” 

“Taller, but you’re okay.” 

The splashing hadn’t been bad and I kind of liked the way he held me during the ride, that last drop wasn’t all that pleasant, but Zac’s arms around me was. Andrew had to buy the photo though, why? Apparently we looked cozy and Jack looked terrified. He really was a strange guy. Andrew chose a ride with tea cups for seats, it was called the La Fiesta de las Tazos, the tea cups spun if you moved around the center and of course, Zac and Jack looked a little green when it was over because Andrew and I spun the hell out of the seat. 

“Never riding that with them again!” Jack said. 

We only smiled and moved on. We rode a strange ride that was called El Sombrero, it was a hat shaped ride and it tilted and kind of did a up and down motion, Zac put me on the inside, I found out why quickly. He never minded when I was squished against him, and I couldn’t stop myself from sliding. It was fun though. We caught a show after that, a moment to cool off and relax before heading on to more rides. The line for the wooden coaster, the Texas Giant was long and it’s where they went next. 

“I don’t know about this one.” 

“No loops, it just goes up, down, and around.” Zac said. 

I was still feeling iffy and that feeling didn’t go away when the same group of girls from the water ride earlier found their way back to us. Did they put a tracker or something on him? I get it, there fans and he’s accessible right now, but common courtesy said to let him enjoy his time off! They talked and mostly gossiped about rumors for the entire hour and a half we were in line. Andrew and Jack were even glassy eyed by the time we reached the front of the line and I think Zac was asleep standing up. They really were simply ignoring that I was present and when the blonde one got his hand and did her best seductive smile I about lost it. Who the fuck did she think she was? Yet, Zac coolly removed her hand, without ever touching any other part of her but her hand. 

“Sorry, I’ll be riding this one with my wife. I am sure you can handle it alone.” 

“You’re wife? I am sure she can handle waiting for you to return.” 

He shook his head. “No. I’m not riding this with you. I’ll ride with her.” 

He stepped away and Andrew moved forward, blocking any further attempts and once their seats were gone I looked at him. 

“You did good.” 

“I knew they’d ask, but I came with you and I’m not riding anything with anyone but you, Jack and Andrew. I’d much prefer you though.” 

“I guess I am chopped liver, I see.” Andrew said. 

I giggled. “Yeah, he knows what I can do and what you won’t.” 

“Ah, very true. I can’t blame him for choosing you.” 

Turns out there were two sets of cars, so they were on the ride when we boarded and I could feel myself shaking. 

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m nervous and scared. I haven’t been on anything like this before.” 

“You’ll be fine, honey. Remember, no loops, no upside downs. It’s just up, down, and around.” 

“Yeah, it’s the up and down part that worries me.” 

He got my hand and never let go, which helped but the ride was a little more than up, down and around as the around were more vertical rounds which was unnerving considering not much was holding me in. Not that I recalled much because the first drop pretty much done it for me. It made me feel nauseous and sick, but I didn’t throw up which was good. I just wasn’t sure I could handle another coaster at all. I was still shaking when we got off the ride, even as I followed them blindly, still holding Zac’s hand. But then I realized they were headed to the Titan and my eyes followed the first hill and I felt faint just looking at it. 

“I can’t…” 

“I’ll be with you.” Zac said. 

“I’ll wait with you but I can’t Zac.” 

“Gabby.” He said. 

“It’s okay Zac, we can ride this one without her. I mean, damn dude, ease her into the coasters before you throw her to the wolves. The titan is very tall and if she’s shaken up by that one then maybe it’s best she sat this one out. I mean, really, she can wait right there.” 

The Texas Giant had my heart racing, my hands were still trembling and I was still feeling a little sick. There was no way I wanted to get on this one, I was positive it would make me sick as hell assuming I didn’t pass out. Yet, as we got in line I noticed Andrew nearly run Zac over to be ahead of us and I quickly found why, the four girls that had been in line with us twice, were there and letting people ahead again. 

Jack grabbed Andrew’s shirt and he stopped, confused. 

“Let’s wait a few minutes, she’s shaking really bad I can see it.” 

He turned and came back, kind of blocked my view. “She is shaking but really you just want them to get buried in line, Jack.” 

“I cannot handle another hour of them talking his ear off. My god their voices are driving me insane.” 

“I concur.” I said. 

I wondered if Jack was perceptive and picking up that while I wasn’t saying anything, it was bothering me that they were occupying his time here. I didn’t complain, sat down and let my stomach settle while fifty or so people got behind them. It was pleasant to not have them talking non-stop and true to my word I stepped through and they rode together while I waited just on the other side of the exit gate. We grabbed lunch when they got off. Then roamed around to more rides, including going up the tall oil driller to see everything. 

“Okay Zac, I’m fucking dying here. We have to ride a water ride so I can cool off.” Andrew said. 

“Oh god they have those here?!” I asked. 

He finally seemed to agree and only because he was outnumbered, so he maneuvered us to the roaring rapids line. 

“You okay Gabby?” Jack asked. 

“Just hot, I am kind of wishing I wore less.” 

Sure enough, that caught Zac’s attention. “What you wore is just fine, less would be mean to everyone here.” 

“I should have worn less.” 

“Maybe the ride will help and we can find a air conditioned building.” Jack said. 

We finally reached the front of the line and we were put in with a few that were behind us whom didn’t care who Zac was. He sat beside me and buckled us in, least he was aware I was here. This ride had no loops, no tracks but lots of water and it was my luck that it seemed like every steep drop that caused water to flood in was on my side. By the time we were being moved up the ramp to the exit I had water dripping off of me. I rung my shirt out and my hair, he was also soaked but he seemed fine. The others got out first, then Jack helped me out, Zac stood behind me to make sure I didn’t fall back. 

“Poor Zac.” Andrew said. 

I didn’t understand what he meant, so I followed the exit signs. Jack and Andrew were speed walking ahead and I paused to ring the water out of my shirt to stop it from dripping so bad and Zac turned me against the rail and damn that was a kiss. Took my breath away. 

“You really shouldn’t have worn white.” 

“Why not?” 

He stepped closer to let someone pass by and I could feel him, I hadn’t done anything to cause that reaction, had I? 

He leaned down. “Those red thongs and that blue bra.” 

“Well, buttercup, you were there when I got dressed.” 

He nipped my neck. “But, I can see them now because you’re soaking wet and wearing white.” 

I hadn’t even thought about that! I glanced down and sure enough you could see my bra through the shirt, only the red heart was covering the very center. 

“Guess that’s what he meant...” 

“Yeah, you got up and I knew they were thongs but that was so mean and I can’t do anything here.” 

“And you have to deal with it as long as I’m wet.” 

He groaned and laid his head down a moment. “That was so fucking mean of you.” 

I pulled him a little closer for the next few to leave. “It’s true though.” 

“This is not helping…” 

I glanced around and really, there was no where that would be acceptable, so I stopped being mean and let him stand there until he could move, then we joined the other two at the end of the exit ramp. 

“Seriously? Damn Zac I swore it would take longer.” Jack said. 

“Middle of the exit walkway dude, not like I can do what I want.” 

“Here were we all worried.” 

“I needed a moment alone.” Zac said. 

“I’m glad you got it.” Jack said. 

“You don’t stop glancing down at that bra you’re going to need more than a moment.” Andrew smirked. 

“Bite me Andrew.” 

“Okay, let’s go find that other water ride so I can get dry and stop teasing both Zac and everyone else here.” 

We made the short walk to the only other water ride here, it was just a big drop but it would be good. I was glad that both the guys had chosen clothes that when wet didn’t show much. I was shocked when Zac laid his hand on my ass, he rarely touched me like that in public! We got up to the front and seated and Andrew chimed in. 

“I vote we get a snack after this.” 

“I second that.” Jack said. 

“I third, Zac you’re outvoted.” 

“I was going to agree, but they don’t have the snack I want.” 

Andrew groaned. “Fuck Zac, chill man there are kids around.” 

I laid my hand on his thigh. “Don’t tempt me.” 

I really didn’t get extra wet on this one, until they insisted on standing on the bridge and that totally soaked me and them. I walked off with them with water dripping off my clothes. We did stop for a snack which we had on the way to the Gotham section. I actually wanted to ride the Batman ride the map had showed, but they wanted the swings first. I watched it first and seen them tilt back and that had scared me at the fair with the Ferris wheel. 

“I…I will wait for you guys.” 

“I’ll just wait here with her, you guys can ride.” Zac said. 

I was rather shocked and they got in line, but we moved off to the side alone near the exit. 

“You could have ridden with them.” 

He sat down on the bench and pulled me down into his lap. I could actually see the girls heading our way pause and stop walking. 

“I didn’t want to, I wanted to stay with you. Besides, I’m soaked and that high up I’ll be freezing.” 

“By the time they wait they won’t be freezing.” 

“Humor me, I just want you all to myself for a few minutes.” 

I felt his hand travel to my ass, just lay there and I smiled. 

“You are tempting fate with that hand.” 

“Maybe I’m just hiding your ass from the guys walking by and starring.” 

“Jealous?” 

“Oh no, I know exactly where your ass will be later.” 

“In a hotel room with your two friends.” 

“There is a bathroom.” 

“So naughty. Would they be really mad if we went and rode the Batman without them?” 

He giggled. “No. Jack told me earlier we could split up. He knows we don’t get a lot of one on one time. But, I can text and ask.” 

Despite the wet clothes our phones were in zip lock bags, I hadn’t understood why earlier, now I did. He shot them both a message and they told us to cut out, they’d meet up or else we’d meet at the front gate at closing. We got in line for the Batman and I was pleased with it, but the Mr. Freeze coaster I couldn’t. It went backwards and I was afraid I’d be sick, batman had made me a little queasy. So we moved around the backside and did some more calmer rides, until we got to the Shock Wave which was a coaster with loops, Batman had them too so I felt confident. Yet, even in the line I could feel him, the reason he was sticking so close. 

“You wishing I’d brought black shorts?” 

“I do. So evil.” 

I wiggled slightly and his fingers dug into my hips and stopped me, I heard the little growl too. I briefly wondered if I could convince him to head to the hotel after this! The ride itself was fine but I saw the ride long before he did and diverted him to the Gold River adventure, which was indoors and barely anyone was in line. I saw the girls from way earlier but they didn’t stop either of us and while we waited I was definitely mean to him in the line, so much I know I was annoying the fuck out of him. The operator sat us alone since there was no one behind us. 

“So mean! Are you always this way at public parks?” 

I barely gave the ride time to get inside before my hand was in his lap, didn’t even bother to answer him. 

“Gabby! What are you doing?!” 

He really didn’t need to ask because moments later I had my hand wrapped around him and I think he was somewhere between happy and terrified. Granted, it would be my first time on an amusement ride for anything, but not the first very public space. I also knew this had to be quick, thankfully he was more than ready in moments. 

Moving wasn’t a problem, I was more than able to lean over and be comfortable and I also knew exactly what to do to drive him over the edge as quickly as possible, the most sensitive part of him was just beneath the head, on the underside so the right pressure and movement would do it. I could feel his hands in my hair and that growl, I could feel it in this position. I also knew the ride was coming to an end when he pushed my head down, right pressure done it. But, his hand tightening in my hair actually hurt quite a bit. 

By the time the boat came to rest at the loading area he was presentable if not a little unsteady when he got out, the attendant seemed mildly concerned but I just smiled and followed him but he stopped half way down and looked at me. 

“Does that break me out of the vanilla bubble? God I hope they don’t have cameras.” 

“It’s too dark for them and no it doesn’t. When you master sex on a ride then you can say you’ve broken it.” 

“Five minutes isn’t enough for that.” 

“Oh, you’d be amazed at what can happen in five minutes. But, next time little less on the hair.” 

“Next time?” He asked. 

I smiled at him. “I am sure all six flags have a ride similar to this one.” 

“I can handle that.” 

We moved on to other rides and shows, having dinner about 7:30 and then meeting back up with Andrew and Jack about 9. They were headed to the Titan again and I still didn’t know if I could ride it, but I waited with them anyway. It wasn’t until we were standing there at the loading area that Zac kissed my cheek. 

“Are you waiting?” 

“No.” 

“No? Are you sure?” 

“What the hell, I rode Batman, this can’t be any worse, right?” 

“Up, down, around.” Andrew said. 

“Except the first down is a big down. Don’t let us pressure you Gabs.” Jack said. 

“You’re not.” 

The only problem was they were in the very front, it’s where Zac had wanted to go. I considered asking to switch to where they were sitting but really, it can’t be that bad! Zac really thought I was going through until I sat down. 

“Gabby, are you sure?” 

“Yes.” 

Okay, I wasn’t sure. I was far from sure but I wasn’t going to get up now. I put the seat belt on as tight as I could and the attendant eventually pushed the bar down across my legs, I made sure that was tight too! I didn’t want to budge. Once the attendant checked everyone we were on our way. It wasn’t until we were starting up the hill that I realized it was dark and the ride didn’t have lights. 

“Gabby? Are you alright?” 

“Yeah…” 

The ascent to the top felt like it took forever and I couldn’t even tell how close we were to the top. I really wanted to get off now. That first drop was way worse than the Texas Giant and then I was going up and around and down and some circle and then it stopped. 

“I think I want off now.” 

I felt his hand shove the bar down again another two clicks and I just got his hand and held on because fuck we were falling again and banking my way, then another circle. I felt what felt like a hill but honestly that’s the last thing I remember, the next clear memory is the feeling of ice cold water being poured on my face. 

“Gabby!” his voice sounded so far away. 

There was more cold water and when I opened my eyes I was laying down and Zac and Jack were leaned over, Jack was the one pouring water over my face. 

“What happen?” 

“You passed out right at the end, no more Titan for you.” Zac said. 

“Passed out? I don’t…” 

“You had a death grip of my hand and then you didn’t, you passed out.” 

They had a medical team there and I gladly let them check me over. Apparently Zac had the forethought to make sure I didn’t get snapped around, but he wanted them to check too. 

“You sure know how to liven the party up.” Jack said. 

“Glad I could be of assistance.” 

“I think you might be done for the day, it’s late anyway.” 

“Are we coming back tomorrow?” Andrew asked. 

“We can, but that wasn’t the plan.” Zac said. 

“I was wondering, I don’t think my arms and shoulders can deal with another day.” 

I got up and I was still a little shaken up. I gladly followed them back to the hotel where I could sit down on something that didn’t move. Andrew’s arms were red and he’d gotten a tank top and that made his shoulders red too, Jack was fine he’d used sun block. Zac and I were somewhat red, we had used sun block but not enough. I changed into my night clothes and sat down. 

“You feel okay?” Zac asked. 

“Tired, but you know that’s expected.” 

“Least you didn’t throw up.” Andrew said. 

“I think Zac would have preferred that.” 

“Oh yeah, I would have because that letting my hand go suddenly was terrifying. I’d even go as to say I’d rather she threw up on me, than pass out.” 

“I think it was just because it’s dark, I couldn’t see anything. I couldn’t see where I was going or where we were. I seriously thought that stop was it. Maybe if I were farther back or it was daylight.” 

“We’ll just temper you in on the coasters. Start small, work up.” 

“I enjoyed the ones with loops.” 

They all rolled their eyes at me and I smiled a bit. It really had been a good day and I sent Shawn a text to tell him about it and I sent Abby one too. It was still rather late when we went to bed though. I was perfectly fine to curl up beside him and just sleep. Which is what I did.


	30. The Flowers

POV: Zac

  

July 22, 2008 

Six flags had been an adventure and despite her fainting on us it had been a great day. My vanilla bubble was crumbling with her around though, I’d have never considered a blow job on a ride and just the risk of being caught was exciting. But, I’d have to find some clever way to achieve that with her because five minutes was barely enough time to get her shorts in a good position, let alone anything else. I’d have to be clever and find something. 

There was no plan for today but as usual that always changes. I let her sleep in though because she’d been obsessively drawing Stephanie, they’d come over Sunday for a bit and while she held her she didn’t do much else. It was rather nice to have a little baby here and I was kind of coming to terms that while we won’t be parents soon, it will eventually happen. She came through about 10. 

“You could have woken me up.” 

“Naa, you needed sleep. Besides our lazy day just became a busy one.” 

“Well, my phone woke me up. Detective Mabis asked me to come down. They arrested another one, he wouldn’t tell me who obviously. He wants me to identify my attacker. Did you know or was there something else?” 

“Isaac called, they were suppose to go get prices today from Philbrook but she got called in and his car is acting funny, so he asked if we could go by and get them.” 

“Prices for what? What is Philbrook?” 

I blinked. “You don’t know what Philbrook is?” 

“No. Should I?” 

“It’s the museum here in town and they have this lovely garden. Isaac and Nicole were thinking of doing their wedding there. So, they called and the coordinator got them prices but they can’t get them. I told him we would, clearly you need to go there anyway.” 

“Do I really look like the type of person that goes to museums?” 

I smirked at her. “No, but you can go anyway. When do you have to be at the station?” 

“As soon as I can, I just need to change.” 

“Okay, let’s get changed then.” 

She went with the tie-dye overalls and a black shirt, I stuck with blue jeans and a def leppard tour shirt, we went to the station first and I waited in the front. They didn’t need me and I didn’t want to compromise the case, so it was better. She was back an hour before she came to the front. 

“Was it him?” 

“Yeah. They got Reigns, he was the one that stabbed me actually. But, I’m clear to leave so lunch?” 

“We can do that.” 

We got lunch at the Blue Rose Café and I told her about us playing outside when we were too young, she seemed to enjoy stories from our past and especially if I can relate them to something like this. She enjoyed the burgers and the fries and we headed to Philbrook, which was close by. 

“I’ve been by this place a few times, well that main sign.” 

“You’ll love it. I even remembered to get your camera.” 

“Thanks?” She questioned why she’d need it really. 

We went inside and the lobby really wasn’t that grand, but I spoke to the lady and got our tickets to the museum and also got the papers Isaac wanted, I even glanced at the numbers myself. 

“Where do you want to start?” 

“Well, says three floors. Let’s start on the bottom.” 

We took the stairs to the basement level where a lot of pottery was, African items, Indian items and some paintings. She hadn’t seemed thrilled at all until she saw some of the items and it seemed like her eyes light up. I was glad I brought her camera because she was just taking pictures left and right. The main floor held a lot of paintings and Egyptian pieces, including the oldest piece here. We moved slowly through the main floor, because she read each description and analyzed each painting carefully, which for someone that drew and painted it was a good thing to learn. The tapestries going to the third floor she loved, and we found the mistake in the stained glass window as well. There were more paintings on the third floor, more artistic items and statues. We finally headed out back and she just stopped at the view overlooking the gardens. 

“You never told me about this place.” 

“We haven’t been here a lot, just knew they had a garden but didn’t realize it was this spectacular.” 

We began the descent to the bottom of the gardens and she took another hundred pictures of the place, flowers, the water steps in the center, and I know she got several of me. Not that I had none of her, I just used my phone instead. 

It was nice to see her happy, even if she hadn’t been to a lot of sessions with Dr. Cortez I was seeing improvements in her already. My mother had been right, therapy was needed for her and this was by far helping her. 

“Let’s do ours here.” 

“Ours?” 

“Our wedding, let’s do it here. It’s perfect, you have the garden and the gazebo and the ponds, can you imagine the pictures?” 

I could certainly see her standing in a white dress under the gazebo and she seemed very thrilled about this place. 

“Gabs, December 31 st it won’t look this way. It’ll be winter and all the bright colors won’t be here. In fact, I’m not sure that anything here would be any color but brown.” 

“But…it’s perfect.” 

“It’s perfect now, but it won’t be in December.” 

“We can change the date. Do it way sooner…like…next month.” 

“Gabby, be realistic. We can’t plan an entire wedding and have it ready in that time on top of the tour. We already have to pick a place soon, I love this place too but this isn’t going to work for us.” 

I absolutely hated the look on her face, it seemed like she was dead set on using this place for the wedding but I knew come December it wouldn’t be this way. There was no point in booking it and disappointing her when she realized December will mean the gardens are dead. Granted, I wouldn’t mind moving things up but it would be too short of a notice for our families. 

It hit me that for her that wouldn’t be an issue, she only really had Shawn to invite and he had promised her no matter the date, he would be there. It was the little extra moisture in her eyes that caused me to pull her to me. 

“I know you want here, but honey it just won’t work out well. If we rush it, then we’re going to mess something up. If we book for December you won’t see the gardens this way. However, mom was asking me about some really good photos of us, not selfies or fan taken. What if we did like engagement pictures here?” 

“Engagement pictures when we’re already married? That seems redundant.” 

“They don’t have to be engagement, they can just be pictures. I am sure there is someone here that can do those and if not, we can hire someone. Hell, Taylor would even take them here.” 

“It’s not wedding pictures though.” 

I kissed her forehead and wiped her cheeks off. “I know, but we want this wedding to be perfect. We need time for that. How about if we cannot find another single place anywhere by the end of the month, we will move it up and do it here. Otherwise, we’ll schedule photos here next month.” 

“Promise?” 

“Promise. If you don’t like any other venue anywhere, then we will move it up and do it here.” 

“You have a tough job ahead of you. I love this place.” 

I sighed. “I know.” 

Then again if no other place made her as happy as she was when she mentioned it, then it would be worth it to deal with the stress and pressure of prepping for tour and planning a wedding, because I could see her here in a white dress. 

We did take a dozen selfies and she posted several to Twitter and Instagram, which Abby was the first one to like it and Nicole was right behind her. She also posted a few to the old account. 

“Are you being mean?” 

“Maybe just a little bit.” 

We sat down on the bench inside the gazebo and it was so quiet here, there wasn’t much noise beyond the sound of the birds. 

“This reminds me of the farm, it was quiet there really. I mean, not that I remember much about any of those days.” 

“You seem to remember quite a lot.” 

“Yeah, I do but not like as much as Shawn, he said he remembers me playing in the yard and the swing that was there. I don’t remember that.” 

“How is he?” 

“Busy, he wants to be a surgeon so he’s taking classes again and going forward with his Ph.D.” 

“He has that much education?” 

She looked at me. “Yeah, it’s something we share actually. We both tested out of high school. He went into medical school basically soon after. Shawn has always made A’s.” 

“And you?” 

“I don’t brag.” 

“Come on, humor me.” 

She looked across the pond at the fish that were lightly coming up and then vanishing again. 

“I got all A’s until Shawn left, after that I just didn’t care anymore. Didn’t mean I couldn’t pass, I mean you read the book you learn. It helped sometimes. I considered medical school but it just doesn’t appeal anymore.” 

“Does anything appeal to you school wise?” 

“Does it you? You graduated high school and that was it. Yet, look where you are. You own a third of a record company, a successful record company. You set your own hours, you do what you love to do. You didn’t need to go to college or take classes.” 

“It’s a business I grew up in though, when I was taking geography I was learning about sound boards and how to mix a record.” 

Her head dropped a bit. “I can draw the scene before me in perfect detail, without a picture and without a reference. I may not be able to explain a brush stroke or explain how I can do that. I can draw you from memory in virtually any pose I want, with or without clothes.” 

“I am fully aware of your ability to draw me, can be keep the nudes drawings private though? Why don’t you make a career of it?” 

She poked my side gently. “Because I never had anyone tell me they were any good. Never had anyone tell me that I could draw something that well.” 

I pushed the hair out of her face. “I can see your paintings in a museum, I can see your drawings in a art gallery. You have that gift.” 

“You’re gonna me cry. Not fair.” 

“Totally fair. I reserve the right to be that mushy and sappy that you cry. But it’s the truth Gabriella. You can do it. I’ve seen what you draw both positive and negative and I think you could go somewhere with that.” 

“I think I need to get better mentally first, have you met me? I’m pretty screwed up mentally.” 

“I would not take you any other way!” 

“Good, you’re stuck with me.” 

I smiled, I really wouldn’t take it any other way. We sat here another ten minutes in quietness, just enjoying the sounds of the gardens. 

“I was thinking we should find a house or at least consider that option.” 

She turned and raised an eyebrow. “A house? You mean like move out of the apartment? I thought you liked the apartment.” 

“I do like the apartment. It’s was easy to maintain, easy to handle and that’s even now. It’s perfect for us right now. But, I was thinking yesterday at your appointment, while I was waiting that eventually the apartment won’t be right for us.” 

She was quiet for a few moments, thinking about that probably. 

“I don’t know, a house is big.” 

“I don’t mean like right now, but like…maybe we shouldn’t pass up all the for sale we see or pass up a great lot. Even if we find a good lot, we don’t have to build right now.” 

“Wait, are you talking about building something or buying something already built?” 

“I am open to either, because we aren’t typical. Like, if you decide to pursue a career in art then you’ll need space for that and I could really use a home music area, not like full blown studio but something where I can be without disturbing you. Right now if we both try those two things, we’re going to distract each other.” 

“But you like being distracted.” 

“That might be true, but you don’t usually like when I interrupt you during a drawing, can you imagine if I was beating a drum set or playing a piano?” 

“Okay, I see the point there. But, really, a house?” 

“I don’t mean like right this minute, but it’s something to consider.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Anyway, we should head to Ike’s to get this paper to him. It’s a long walk back to the doors.” 

She got up and smiled. “Race you to the top, loser cooks dinner naked.” 

“Deal.” 

Even though I knew damn well she was going to win because she was a fast runner and she made the steps look extremely easy, she beat me by thirty seconds. 

“Guess you’re cooking dinner, naked. I’m holding you to that.” 

“Do I get an apron?” I asked. 

“The pink one, sure.” 

I groaned, it was better than nothing I suppose. She got a few pictures from up here and pulled me in, which I shocked her with the kiss to the cheek as she took it, she promptly made that her new profile picture on everything. We finally headed to Ike’s place. 

“I’ve never seen his place.” 

“Have you even seen Taylor’s?” 

“Once, briefly when Max and I picked him up.” 

“You’ll like Isaac’s pad, it’s comfortable.” 

The drive wasn’t terrible, just a lot of traffic and then we took the elevator up. His apartment was a one bedroom like mine, just a more open feel. He let us in within moments and I handed him the paper. 

“Thanks, my car is at the shop. Timing belt snapped, but Taylor’s getting me in the AM and it’ll be fixed by tomorrow afternoon.” 

“No problem, we went through the museum and the gardens.” 

“He now has to find a venue that makes me happy or we’ll be doing our wedding a lot sooner.” 

Isaac giggled. “Nicole saw it and we didn’t even go anywhere else, that done it.” 

I gave him an evil look. “You guys are doing spring though, everything will be blooming. December 31 st will not give us blooms.” 

“That is true.” 

“August would.” Gabby said. 

Isaac just smiled. “I’m sure he can upstage those gardens somehow. I’m not sure how.” 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence bro. I appreciate it.” 

“Always a pleasure.” 

Isaac had a ton of family pictures on the walls and pictures of him and Nicole, something Taylor and I rarely did. But we did have some out. 

“So, Nicole and I have decided that she’s going to move here as my rent is less and bills are usually less as well. She’ll be closer to work too, so that helps. We’re going to house hunt about six months after the wedding.” 

“Good move. I was wondering how you two would do that but dude, is this place big enough?” 

“I have the private two car garage dude, I’ll pack some of my stuff and hers for now. I’ve actually started going through the closet and all. Paring down things.” 

She seemed to ignore our conversation about paring down, packing, and moving. In fact, I was sure she was texting someone just to avoid the conversation. Made me wonder why but she also didn’t know how much stuff Ike had! We stayed a little longer and then headed home, where she chose a vegetable stir fry for dinner. I was hoping she’d forget but nope she went right for the pink apron and smiled when she handed it to me. 

It wouldn’t be the first time I cooked dinner naked, but before it was just throw something in the microwave. This required more and she sat at the counter, drawing. 

“You seemed to avoid Ike and I’s conversation about moving and you were a little defensive when I brought it up too. Any reason why?” 

She was sitting right across from me as I cut up the few items I had too. For a moment she didn’t say anything but then she finally laid the pencil down and closed the tablet. 

“The last time I lived in an actual house was with Julian and Jacob. Not really the best memories.” 

“They wouldn’t be there with us Gabby, you wouldn’t have those memories there. We’d be making all new ones.” 

“I never…” 

She paused as if she couldn’t remember the rest of the sentence, but I gave her a few moments. 

“I never felt like that house was home. I feel that here and you want me to leave here. What if I don’t feel that way in any other place?” 

“I’m asking you to leave an apartment and move into a place that you’ll never have to leave again. It’ll be our home forever. There won’t be neighbors, there won’t be rules, there can be anything we want. We can’t paint the walls here or change the flooring. You feel at home because you are comfortable here and you know it’ll always be here. Any place we live can be your home.” 

“You understand that concept because you had a home growing up Zac. I moved four times in six years, I then thought I was home and it was just horrible. I just don’t know how I’d feel anywhere else.” 

“Home is where you feel safe Gabby. Sure, my parents still live in the same house they did when we first got big. But, Gabby I spent most of my pre-teen and teenage life in hotels or rental houses near the studio, I wasn’t there with them all the time. Don’t you think you’d feel just as safe in something that is truly yours, than something that isn’t? I can’t guarantee this apartment will remain forever. The owners could decide they want a twenty story business complex here in a year.” 

“I’m sure I’ll warm up to the idea.” 

“I think you’ll find that you’ll feel at home wherever you feel happy.” 

She gave me a faint smile, one that didn’t convince me that she was fully on board with this idea of purchasing a real house. I finish dinner without getting burned, harmed, or otherwise causing a fire, we sat at the bar and ate quietly. I didn’t bring up the moving again, instead afterwards I cleaned up and then we watched a movie before heading to bed. 


	31. Guy Talk

POV: Zac

  

July 26, 2008; Saturday 

Andrew and Lucas were coming over in an hour to hang out and have another marathon video game day. Gabby was going to stay but Sarah called her and invited her over for the day, given she wanted to give her the pictures she’d drawn of Stephanie she agreed. I made her promise that if she got too sad being around the kids that she would call me to come get her, no more acting like she had at Stella’s. She promised before Sarah picked her up. 

I went ahead and added extra drinks to the fridge, got the chips and snacks out and even straightened up. I made sure the bathroom had toilet paper, soap and even tissues and that was before Lucas showed up. 

“Damn, it shows you have a woman living here. Everything is clean.” 

“Hey, I cleaned before she moved in.” 

“Yeah, but the dust bunny town behind the TV is gone and the cob webs are too.” 

“Hey, shit happens. There are cold drinks and even beer in the fridge.” 

He opted for a beer and we waited on Andrew, who showed up right on time but he looked around and then seemed disappointed. 

“Where is Gabby?!” 

“She’s with my cousin Sarah, she said she wanted to spend some time with them and give us some guy time.” 

“She doesn’t mind?” Lucas asked. 

“No. But, if she calls me to come get her I’ll have to go.” 

“Why would she? Sarah isn’t that bad!” Andrew said. 

He grabbed a soda and we sat down in the living room, I hadn’t told them about the miscarriage. I hadn’t had time really and it wasn’t really a concern if they didn’t know, neither of them had children. Yet, if Sarah called then I would have to explain why I needed to go right then and if they came with me they would question it. 

“It’s not so much Sarah, it’s the kids.” 

“Does Gabby not like kids? She hasn’t indicated not liking them.” Lucas asked. 

I sighed. “It’s not that she doesn’t liked children. She miscarried in April, she was five to seven weeks along and there was no apparent reason. Gabby didn’t handle it well at all, like she was worse than my mother. So much that she overdosed on cocaine in May. She’d been clean for years but too much piled on.” 

“When exactly did she overdose?” Andrew asked. 

“End of May, she was here alone and her fucking friend sent her a bunch of edited photos from 2005, she just left and went to her friends, I didn’t know where she was. Thankfully, someone found her and got her to the ER. I just didn’t tell anyone about the overdose part. She hasn’t relapsed but she did go to my Mom not long ago. She felt like she deserved the miscarriage, she flipped the hell out on Stella. Michael was there and she didn’t know. She did hold Stephanie on the fourth, so I am hoping that this won’t be a bad day for her.” 

“How did you handle the miscarriage?” Lucas asked. 

“Uh..it wasn’t easy. Because there was no reason given it made it harder to accept and then move on, but I think I have because I know we can try for more in the future. Only if it keeps happening will it be a problem.” 

“Hasn’t Sarah had one before?” 

“Not that I know of, but she does know about the miscarriage and she knows to not push her. But, I made Gabby promise if she starts to feel too bad that she would call me. Anyway, enough about that. What game are we going to whip ass on?” 

Lucas chose the game, good old fashioned army game with teams, least I didn’t have to worry about them blowing me up like I did with Gabby. We played for several hours before they both claimed they needed pizza to continue playing, so I called and ordered a couple. We took bathroom breaks and I checked my messages while we waited. Taylor sent me an update on possible openers, but reality said we have to contact Carrick and the band again, because no one was available and they had said they would be. Sarah sent me a picture of Gabby holding Stephanie and with Nickolas sitting beside her. She included that she was doing quite well with them. At least she was doing good this time. 

When the pizza arrived we dug in. 

“So, you’re touring again, is Gabby going?” Lucas asked. 

“She’s not going to stay here. She’s cleared by all doctors so I think she plans to be our assistant roadie again.” 

“You mean your assistant.” 

“Well, if we want to be technical, she’ll just be a roadie. She loves to travel though, so I am sure she’ll be with us.” 

“What about the opening band? Will they care?” 

“Right now we don’t have one, Taylor and Isaac would like another band beside Everybody Else, but there the only ones available. But, if they come then Sierra will probably be coming too and I don’t know if any of us can handle her and Gabby on the bus at the same time.” 

“Is she afraid Sierra will hit on you?” 

“Sierra and Gabby have a bit of a past.” 

“What kind of past?” 

I should have known Lucas would ask about that and I didn’t want to tell them as much as I knew. 

“Well, they um...kind of loved each other, but things didn’t work out well and this past tour they were not that great at being around each other. Lot of arguments, tension, nothing was worked out.” 

“Loved each other as in they dated?” Lucas asked. 

“They met, fell, but never officially dated. Gabby was actually dating someone else at the time, they had some encounters and things moved forward. I’m just not sure we can handle months on the road with two women who’d rather be elsewhere.” 

They both looked at me but it was Lucas who spoke. “Did they have sex with each other?” 

“I’m really not answering that question.” 

“Which means yes, dude capture that! You could be in the middle of something very hot and erotic for your vanilla ass self.” 

“I don’t want that Lucas.” 

“Besides, if there not talking then odds are there not going to agree to anything hot and erotic. I’m sure you’ll figure it out though. If it is them, maybe you can arrange some kind of meeting with them and at least have them make peace.” 

“I may have too.” 

Once the pizza was gone we settled in for another few hours of mind-numbing games. Clearing several levels and it was good to work as a team when they were both here, made coordinating things much easier. About three Gabby sent me a message that said she was doing okay, she wasn’t sad but there had been a few moments, but she and I expected those. She was actually staying for dinner at their request and I told her I’d just order something. Odds are, pizza again. We took another break after that, we were in between levels of the game and Lucas was looking watery eyed, so bathroom breaks. I got a beer from the fridge for us all and sat down. 

“She doing okay?” 

“Yeah, she said she had a moment when Stephanie got loud, Sarah was showering but her husband was there to help.” 

Lucas flopped down on the bean bag content now that he didn’t have to pee so badly. 

“So, you two considering children?” Andrew asked. 

“We really haven’t had serious talks about it, but I think we’re in agreement we do want them. I’m thinking a few years at least, I want us to get a house and be settled before that occurs.” 

Lucas turned. “So you’re serious about her?” 

Andrew and I both gave him a confused look. “I married her Lucas, how much more serious could I possibly get?” 

He swiveled around on the bean bag chair. “Drunken marriage Zac, everyone knows that. I mean like you really want to settle down with her forever?” 

“I did settle down with her, which means yes I do.” 

“So, you’re done with blondes?” 

“Where are you going with this Lucas?” 

“I know you are capable of relationships but the last few years you’ve been very adamant that long-term wasn’t what you wanted. That sex was just when needed. You prefer blondes, you weren’t really afraid to state that that was your preference.” 

“He has a point there Zac. You were talking that way when the tour began last year and even up through October. Yet, somehow in November you ended up married. Don’t get me wrong, she is great for you.” Andrew said. 

“It takes the right person to make those changes needed.” 

“So you are saying that since November 1 st, you haven’t wanted to go with any blondes? Not a single one?” Lucas asked. 

“I didn’t go with any.” 

“That wasn’t his question Zac, he asked if you wanted too. Have you?” Andrew asked. 

I laid the controller down, clearly they weren’t going to just drop this subject and move on. I had friends that were persistent too apparently. They reminded me of Abby and Max really. 

“You have haven’t you?” Andrew asked. 

“Yes. There were three of them, really hot and totally blonde. It was on some of the walks that she didn’t attend before the miscarriage. I accepted the cards and when I did it was with the intention of going. I didn’t go.” 

“Why didn’t you, she wasn’t saying yes or couldn’t, you could have covered it easily.” Lucas asked. 

I really didn’t want to answer those questions, I wasn’t entirely proud of myself for accepting the cards anyway and certainly not under the premise that I was going. 

“I wanted too because it had been more than long enough, but as much as I wanted that physical contact. It wasn’t her. After getting back and seeing her it reminded me that I would be cheating on her and I do want to remain married and committed to her. So, while one head said go fuck this girl, it would mean nothing. The higher up head said it was a bad idea and I needed to just handle it myself.” 

“Did you think she would find out if you had gone with them?” Andrew asked. 

“Lucas here thinks she wouldn’t, but there is no question there. She would have known before I even reached the bus, the girls would have posted it directly to her. Really, the idea of her leaving me actually hurts, I can’t handle that.” 

“So, you were serious when you said no one else since, what…like September?” 

“Yes.” 

For a moment, Lucas was quiet. “So…you want to explain what happen with the girl in the car, you clearly have no issues?” 

“Do you stalk our twitter dude?” 

“I do when it comes to you guys, come on you never mentioned any problems to us. We’re your friends dude.” 

“Sure Lucas, I was just dying to call my friends up and say I couldn’t get hard for a hot blonde.” 

“Is that what happen?” 

“It wasn’t Gabby. Plain and simple, nothing else was wrong it just wasn’t her. At the time she was still saying no and honestly I had to think about her before then, at that point thoughts didn’t work.” 

“I can’t believe she said no more than once and you kept on.” 

I smiled. “What can I say, she was always present and there wasn’t anyone else I wanted.” 

“So, you feel like she is the one?” Andrew asked. 

That was a really serious question and I looked at him. “I do. I don’t want anyone else but her, I can’t imagine being without her and I know there are issues concerning her past but I’m okay with that. I mean come on, she saw Philbrook and I nearly cried because that place isn’t going to be available in December.” 

“What is December?” Andrew asked. 

“Fuck! I never told you?! We agreed to have a formal wedding, December 31 st.” 

“Dude! You never said anything.” 

“Consider it said. But, we went to Philbrook to get a paper for Ike and Nicole and we went through. She really wanted to do the wedding there but unless we move it up we can’t. December those gardens will be dead as hell and it’ll be cold as fuck.” 

“I’m sure you’ll find something.” 

“So…you haven’t really bragged about her. You have about every other person you’ve been with but her. She can’t be that bad.” Lucas said. 

He was right, I had done a lot of bragging about the blondes. Their abilities, sexual skills, looks, and many things but never a name because most of the time I didn’t know it myself. Yet, with Gabby I really hadn’t said much to my friends about those things. 

“Gabby is…different.” 

“We kind of figured that.” Andrew said. 

“Well, I mean…there isn’t a lot to tell.” 

Yep, that was a blatant lie. 

“Bullshit, this girl walked into your life, told you no like a boss, and you married her. She has to be doing something worth it.” 

“Beyond just she’s willing nearly every time I come on to her or she’s so much more open about things?” 

“What is she open about?” Lucas asked. 

“She’s not vanilla, she’s not even chocolate. She’s more a little bit of everything rolled into one nice sweet package. She liked different positions, places, even public locations.” 

“There is no fucking way you two had sex at six flags.” Andrew said. 

“Never said it was sex Andrew.” 

“Where the fuck did you find a safe enough place for anything?” 

“Gold river adventure, granted one must be quick because it’s like four or five minutes long. But, when you have her grinding on you the whole afternoon, quick is fine.” 

They both laughed. “Sex at a theme park, not vanilla.” 

“The studio, which we nearly got caught the first time.” 

“Taylor and Isaac will skin you alive if they know that.” 

“Theatre, which you’d be pleased to know was my idea and not hers. It’s just, sex with us is…different. There are times that it’s not rushed at all, I can do whatever I want. She has limits, of that I am sure of, I just haven’t found them yet.” 

“Least she’s not boring and is she at least trying to break your vanilla ass?” 

“Yes.” 

Neither of them needed to know how or exactly what we have done and I’d been more careful with the whole neck thing, because Dr. Cortez may not understand it and I didn’t need to be accused of abusing her now or in the future. 

“Good, you needed some decent experience. Now if you can get her and Sierra to agree to a three some you are set. Or even some guy.” 

“She won’t agree to two men, she already told me never to ask. It’s something she has experienced and she didn’t find any of it likeable or even somewhat likeable. But, we agreed that right now those types of experiences are not what we want.” 

“Why not? You are a typical red blooded male right? Seeing two women should be what you want.” 

“Well, it’s more in line with where we are in the relationship it’s just not wise. She has fans telling her I’m fucking them, she had her friends telling her, one caused her to leave by using old photos of me with girls. Didn’t even know those existed. So, we need more time to build up our trust levels and confidence in this relationship. Not saying we don’t, I trust her and she does me. But, we would rather not complicate it.” 

“Seems like sound advice to me. Okay, tired of hearing about your sex life. I wanna kill something so let’s get back to the game.” Andrew said. 

I was honestly glad he suggested it, I didn’t want to keep defending our choices to them. It did help me realize how much pressure Abby and Max had put on her, because they were doing the same things and asking the same questions. Only they wouldn’t answer with positive stuff, it was always leave him and he’s no good. 

I’m glad she never listened to them. 

We played a while longer before Lucas left, Andrew decided to stay a bit longer though. 

“Sorry about his questions, I told him when you went to the bathroom he didn’t need to ask.” 

“I didn’t mind, just I don’t know why I don’t want to talk about us like I did them.” 

He laughed. “Because she is your wife Zac, she’s not some random person you had sex with and didn’t bother with a name. She is here all the time, she is around us and let’s face it, you don’t want a bunch of your friends to know what a freak she is.” 

“She is not a freak.” 

“Come on, I heard you in the shower dude, blowjobs at six flags? She’s not vanilla for sure. It’s fine, you share her with friends and family, you just don’t want to share the details. I would imagine that she is asked as well and I would imagine her answers are just as tame. Because really, Sarah is your cousin and Nicole and Stella will be your sisters, she knows they don’t need to know details. Likewise, I am sure there is a lot this Sierra girl doesn’t know or even her best friend.” 

“She said they talk about sex, but not details. Dude, she told my mother but thankfully when she was blabbering it was incomprehensible.” 

“Oh god, your mother? What really happened Zac? I mean you gave minimal details and I’m not Lucas.” 

Because Lucas wasn’t here and Andrew I had known my entire life almost, I broke down what went on and what happen. He understood far better and was more compassionate than Lucas was. By the time I finished telling him it was past dinnertime, so we ordered take out Chinese, which arrived about the time Gabby did. 

“Chinese? Really? You better have ordered me soup.” 

“I knew you’d say that so yes I did.” 

“Hey Andrew.” 

“Hey, how was your day?” 

“It went really well, did you guys whip some ass today?” 

“We did.” 

We sat down in the living room and despite her eating with Sarah, she still had the soup. Andrew stayed a little bit longer before he left and headed home. 

“Okay, did you really have a good day?” 

She moved into my lap. “It was a little tough at first, Nickolas is so talkative. But, their dad took him and some friends to the park so we had several hours just us and Stephanie. She loved the drawing, already has a place picked out for it. It was…easier but not like I have to have her now type thing.” 

“Did you find you were more comfortable with her and not hurting as badly this time?” 

“Yeah. I did change a diaper. I put it on backwards but I got it on.” 

I giggled. “That’s a start.” 

“I think being around her is good. Maybe the next time Stella has Michael I’ll ask her to visit. I just feel bad how I reacted to him. I know it’s not her fault.” 

“No, it’s ours for not telling her. She understands now why you reacted that way. I think Michael would be a good thing, he’s a little older and you can do more than sit and hold, but when you’re comfortable with that idea that’s when you ask.” 

“Right now I am tired, I did play with Nickolas in the yard and that boy has energy for days.” 

I nuzzled her neck and heard the slight purr. “Sleep could be a good thing, we can sleep in tomorrow too.” 

“Good, I didn’t plan on getting up early.” 

We got up and got ready for bed, eventually laying down about 10 because I found I needed a shower badly. Neither of us stayed awake long after getting comfortable.


	32. Right Feeling

POV: Zac

  

July 30, 2008 

We had gotten up early with the intention of her driving to her appointment after dropping me off, but I was barely awake when Taylor called. 

“What’s up?” 

After several moments of hearing him cough he finally seemed able to talk. “I’m not coming in, I’ve been up all night coughing and I have a fever. I don’t want you and Isaac to get this crap. I’ve called him already.” 

“Is he going in?” 

“I have no idea, but you guys can do whatever. Stella is going to…” He had to pause to cough and it sounded bad. “she’s going to bring me some meds and get me better.” 

“Okay, you get better and if you need anything let me know too. I’ll give Ike a call and see what he wants to do.” 

I let Taylor go and called Isaac, Gabby was barely waking up and Isaac said to take the day. He was going to spend the day with Nicole planning their move and wedding. 

“What’s up?” Gabby asked. 

“Taylor is coughing and has a fever, he’s not going in and Ike is taking the day with Nicole. So, guess it’s you and I.” 

She actually laid back down for another hour before we had to get up and get ready to go. Her appointment was at 8:45, she went back at 8:40 and I settled into a chair. Her appointment would be about an hour, so while I waited I did venue searching. I got a long list of places in town and even called a few to make sure they had someone there to show us around or at least let us in. I was really hoping I could find something that would beat Philbrook, but I wasn’t sure I ever would. She came out at 9:50 and there were no tears or otherwise blurry eyes, there had been days where she came out and needed a long hug before we could leave. 

“Everything go okay?” 

“Yep. I’m ready to do whatever. Well, can we grab food first?” 

“Yep.” 

We did a quick lunch at Taco Bueno before I took her to the first place on the list which was the Tulsa Garden Center, it offered a expansive garden but we wouldn’t be out there, instead we would be inside the building. Granted it looked expensively done inside and there was a few highlights she kind of liked, the locations for pictures had several options she liked, the rounded area she liked but she just shook her head when she got in the car. 

“If we did August it would be perfect because it has the gardens.” 

“Okay, no garden center. I’m not done yet though.” 

I checked a few hotels but I really wasn’t hopeful on them myself, they were often boring inside and these were no different. The Sky Lofts did have a very impressive view of the city, which was something she liked but she rejected every single one of them. I scratched the remaining hotels off the list because obviously they wouldn’t work. 

I went to the Vesica Piscis Chapel next, it had great reviews on the website so I was hopeful she would love it. She did perk up when we drove into the parking area, the Vesica was a very pretty place outside, almost looked like an expansive house. I was hopeful that the perk up would continue but once we were inside and they were showing us around, she didn’t seem thrilled. 

“Okay, talk to me Gabby. What about this place is not good to you?” 

“It’s the same color, brown and dark brown with a brown floor.” 

“They can add lights Gabby, any color we want. We can add flowers, we can add ribbons and bows. It’ll break up the brown. Is there anything you do like?” 

“I like the windows, but there isn’t enough of them and the view is okay, but we don’t see a lot.” 

“Babe the sky loft had windows and a view.” 

“Yeah, of downtown. I don’t want to see the city, I want nature Zac. Like Philbrook.” 

“You are driving a hard bargain here, I know you want Philbrook but do you really think we can plan a full scale wedding in a month?” 

“I do. I tried to tell you Zac, there isn’t anything that will top that place.” 

“We shall see.” 

“I’m telling you, you’re not going to find anything.” 

“I have a whole list left, have a little faith.” 

I dragged her to another four places, most had nice areas with lots of windows but I could tell by the utterly bored look that none of them were doing anything. I was beginning to think she was right, that nothing was going to top Philbrook and that we’d be planning a wedding and a tour in the next thirty days. I really didn’t want to be doing that because something would go wrong if I did. 

The Tarp Chapel which was now the Glass Chapel was on the list and just the outside seemed to excite her and the inside was a lot of glass and the outside was nice and scenic. She at least smiled a bit here and didn’t look quite as bored, but she still didn’t rank it over Philbrook. 

“What did you not like about this place? It’s glass and has a great view. The price is decent too, they’re willing to let us be there all night.” 

“I like the inside I don’t like the view of the parking lot that will behind us in every photo. I’m telling you, Philbrook is the right one.” 

“But not for December, Gabby I can’t plan a wedding and a tour at the same time. I know you want Philbrook but there just isn’t a way to do that. We won’t have time to break during the tour and it won’t be decent if we rush the planning in 30 days.” 

“You don’t have too. I’m not doing a damn thing during the day. I can plan it myself.” 

“And the guests? We told everyone December.” 

“I’m sure they’ll be fine if we move it up. I’ll even explain it’s my fault.” 

I laid my head on the steering wheel, I understood she wanted that place but 30 days just wasn’t enough time and she wasn’t listening to that! She thinks she can plan everything but we had no idea on any details yet, and it would take more than 30 days. 

“You can’t plan it without my help in some areas anyway. Compromise with me here.” 

“I don’t want to compromise on a place that feels right for one that doesn’t.” 

“I have three places left, at least see them.” 

“I’ll go to however many you want me too, but so far nothing has felt right.” 

“Last three, if they don’t feel right or you don’t like them then we’ll book the Philbrook tomorrow. But, I am going to warn you that 30 days will not be enough time and there is a chance that Philbrook won’t be available then either.” 

She just smiled at me and I headed to the next place. The next two seemed to do nothing but she did listen, viewed and even entertained the person’s ideas, so it wasn’t like she was just dead set on Philbrook and not giving them a chance at all. She was trying, but even I could agree neither of them felt right. There was good views but I could see houses far off and I knew that was a potential for paparazzi pictures. 

The last venue was a bit outside town, so we went ahead and stopped for dinner, I kept the conversation off venues, because I had sensed some tension in the car and I was getting ill and frustrated. I knew it would take longer than 30 days, it was a stretch that we gave ourselves months and not a year, but thirty days was just stupid and it wouldn’t turn out well. Yet, I know that I’d do whatever it took to make her happy. 

The drive out to the last place took a bit of time but she was watching the city fade and the country area take over. The Chapel in the Woods was the last place I had found while searching. She seemed utterly bored by the plain front of the building, even I didn’t find it much thrilling. Looked like a normal house from the front. 

I parked and looked around. “We’re in the woods, literally.” 

“The outside of this building isn’t grand, but the location is private and it’s not Philbrook, but it’s not bad.” 

We walked to the door and knocked and a young lady answered. 

“You must be the Hanson’s?” 

“Yes, Ma’am.” I said. 

“Come in.” 

The foyer area was decorated with fresh cut flowers, a nice elegant table with a white cloth running down the center, the walls were beige. This was not starting off well, it was brown and brown. 

“Where would you like to start?” 

“Wherever you feel is the best place.” Gabby replied. 

Her tone of voice said it didn’t matter where if every room looked like this. She lead us to the bride and groom’s suits, which were very nicely done. There would be ample room for both of us to get ready and for whoever was included. The rooms were pretty bland though. 

“We tend to show the chapel area last, this is the foyers where your bridesmaids and groomsmen would begin, the chapel can also be used for the reception, otherwise we have a separate room right here for the reception.” 

The reception room was pretty bland in my opinion, she did indicate it could be a cocktail area while they set up the main room and we had our professional pictures taken. She then lead us back to the chapel doors. 

“We have a wedding set up in there right now for tomorrow, it will give you an idea of how it is usually set up. The couple chose dark colors like navy blue and maroon red, but we can accommodate a wide range of colors.” 

“Okay.” Gabby said. 

Yep, that was her bored tone and I took a deep breath and braced myself for the eventual let down, but when she threw the doors open she didn’t move. The room had hard woods floors which were a lighter tone and the seats were black, but they had slip covers on them to make them a deep maroon color. What little walls there were was a light beige and at the end was a cross in blue, looked like marble. The rest of the room had panes of glass, clear unobstructed view of the natural woods and lawn areas around the church. 

Gabby hadn’t said a word nor had she moved and I was certain those were both positive signs. She carefully moved into the room and looked around. While Gabby moved into the room I asked her about our date, the need to have the place for an extended period of time and the use of fireworks because it was New Years after all. It turned out there was a park nearby that done fireworks every year and they were very visible from the back side. 

“What about pictures?” Gabby asked. 

“There is a gazebo outside in which we can decorate in whatever flowers you wish, given your date though they would probably need to be artificial outside, but our artificial flowers as you can see here are very realistic.” 

“Those aren’t real?” I asked. 

“No, Sir. We had them made in several basic colors, red, white, blue, and yellow so that guest can have them without the expensive cost of fresh cut or in the winter months.” 

“They are very real looking.” 

“I’ll leave you to talk a bit, but I must ask not to move anything.” 

“We won’t move anything.” 

“Can the cross be covered?” Gabby asked. 

I blinked, she was in a Chapel asking if it can be covered? That was random as hell! 

“Covered, what do you mean?” 

“If I didn’t want a cross in the background of every picture, can it be covered with a cloth or some type of linen? I don’t mean painted or anything, just covered.” 

“We have not covered it before but I would assume that it can be. A heavy or thick material would need to be used, also it would need to cover that whole area. That is something we do not personally do, so that would be on you and your planners. Also, it would need to not ruin the wall.” 

She nodded and the lady stepped out, I walked down to where she was. 

“You aren’t acting bored or uninterested. Did I actually find a place that bumped Philbrook?” 

“I love everything but that cross.” 

“Do you not like them in general?” 

“I’m not sure and it could be because of the clashing colors in here, it just with these colors it looks very off.” 

“Well, picture it with solid black chairs or even solid white.” 

“It would look better with those colors.” 

“You didn’t answer my question.” 

She stood there quietly for several minutes before turning. “I really want Philbrook but this place feels right too. You will do pictures at Philbrook, right?” 

“I already have them booked and a photographer for the sixteenth of next month. I’ll even wear shorts if you want. I want you to be happy Gabriella, I know you really want to do the wedding there but thirty days isn’t enough even if you do everything something will go wrong. I’d rather have more time to plan it and make sure it’s right.” 

She looked around again. “Then let’s do it here. It’s not Philbrook but it’s very close. We’ll be inside but have a view of the..well, dead woods at that point but maybe it won’t be too bad. Added, it’s private and it is more scenic and no city view.” 

I kissed her forehead. “It shouldn’t be bad with the natural woods, there are winter blooming flowers you know.” 

We found the lady again and began the process of actually booking, which included a down payment on the total cost. She provided us with a lot of pamphlets for photographers, catering, and even florists in case we wanted something they didn’t have. Once we were certain we had the venue booked clear through the next day, I promised we would clean up before leaving. We headed home. 

“What did you ask my mother? You never told me. I saw you go off with her but you never said why.” 

She giggled. “I asked her to come with me when I picked out the dress. She actually went ahead and booked a day at a local place in August, the weekend after our pictures actually.” 

“I figured you’d take Abby.” 

“Well, I plan to take her too and depending I may take Stella and Nicole, but it depends on what they’re doing.” 

We made it home and got changed into pajamas, I called Taylor who was feeling better but was certain he would need another day or two, so Ike and I made plans to come in tomorrow and then take a longer weekend, we could do some vocal tracking without Taylor or even brainstorm ideas. She sat down beside me when I hung up. 

“So…Dr. Cortez and I didn’t really talk about past events today.” 

“No? I thought you guys were starting with that and working forward.” 

“I wanted to ask about something. I wanted to know why the idea of moving would be something that I didn’t want to face or deal with. Logically I know that home is not a specific place.” 

“Did she help you answer your question?” 

“Yes. It really had nothing to do with actually moving, because I know that a home can be anything as long as there is love there. Even hotel rooms can be home. It was that most couples don’t buy a home right away, that’s pretty permanent in the long run. When you mention moving into a house it was saying you didn’t plan on going anywhere.” 

“I don’t plan on going anywhere. Not unless you go with me.” 

“That was the issue though, I’m not use to that. I’m use to empty promises of forever not ones that are actually kept and you seem very serious to keep yours, even if you were drunk when you made it.” 

“I wasn’t that drunk Gabby. I may have thought like you that it wasn’t a real chapel, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t take the words seriously. Come December they’ll be real too, because neither of us will be drunk. I wouldn’t have remained married if I didn’t mean the words.” 

“It’s what she said too. It really wasn’t about not moving, it was just that fear.” 

“So…are you okay with looking around for a place?” 

“Don’t you have a lease here?” 

“My lease ends next year in June. I will have the option to re-sign and will have options on how long, but it does end in June.” 

“Then if you want to look we can. I have no idea what to even consider in a house.” 

I put my arm behind her. “Well, you obviously want the basics. If you like the way this place is set up then you’d want open concept. I’m not sure how many bedrooms we should aim for, least two but we can go as high as we think we’ll need. We can have office spaces, garages, it’s a lot. But, you know the perfect time for that will be the endless hours on the road.” 

“Right…because I’ve never bought a house and I have zero ideas what I want.” 

I kissed her. “We can discuss that later on. Right now we should sleep, we get a long weekend but Ike wants a full day tomorrow.” 

“Yay for full days.” 

I giggled and we got up and headed to bed. I was glad for the therapist really because she was helping her to feel and to deal with those emotions she didn’t deal with before. As tired as I was, she was actually asleep before me, but I wasn’t far behind. 

 

[Tulsa Garden Center](http://tulsagardencenter.com/)

[Vesica Piscis Chapel](http://site.vesicapiscischapel.com/#/1052252/Home%20)

[Tarp Chapel & Gardens ](http://tarpchapelandgardens.com/ceremonies/%20)

[Chapel In the Woods](http://www.chapelinthewoods.net/)

**Chapel in the Woods is really NOT in the middle of nowhere, I altered the location to fit the story.**


	33. Everybody Else

POV: Gabby

  

August 4, 2008 

Because the boys were catching up from Taylor’s illness Zac had me drop him off at the studio and then I went to my appointment alone. It wasn’t the first time I had gone alone, so it wasn’t a big deal. I was to get breakfast on the way back though. I arrived a little early and waited until she called my name. 

“Good morning Gabriella. How are you feeling today?” 

“Sleepy actually, we had a long weekend. We spent Saturday and Sunday with his cousin Sarah and her family.” 

“Oh? The one with the little baby?” 

“Yes, Stephanie. She’s over a month now.” 

“How was that for you and Zac?” 

“It’s getting easier honestly. He seems much better and I think it’s because he was always aware of second chances and didn’t have that guilt associated with it. He still gets misty eyed from time to time though, he did Sunday when I got to feed her. She’s pumping now so it was something new.” 

“Did it go well? Feeding the baby?” 

“It did, she spit up all over me but it was a good experience for me. We also saw Michael yesterday for a little bit and he’s still sketchy but he’s older and not wanting to be held now.” 

“It’s good that you can be around them and not feel so badly afterwards. So, last time you were here we were talking about Newton. You had mentioned Sierra but you clammed up on her.” 

Yeah, I hadn’t and don’t want to talk about her, but she was pivotal to that time frame and I couldn’t just skip it. 

“She is a sore spot.” 

She came out from behind her desk and sat down in the chair across from me. “I understand she is a sore spot for you, but maybe you need to talk about her some. How did you meet her?” 

It took me several minutes to unbury those memories. “I met Sierra in June of 2000, I’d seen her in April and May but in passing. When I agreed to join the tour as the roadie Newton introduced me to her. She was the lead singer for Twisted Metal.” 

“The band Newton was in?” 

“Yes. He was the Bass player. Tera was on keys and I’d met her in March and Alexander Cornell was the drummer.” 

“Did you have friendships with the other people there?” 

“Well, Tera and I slept together in July with Newton there. Um, it wasn’t major or a deal breaker. Alexander and I never had a close relationship, Newton did ask me once if I would consent to them both but I told him no.” 

“Was there a reason you said no?” 

“I didn’t find Alexander attractive. By that point I’d met Sierra and we had been talking more.” 

“So, tell me about her.” 

“She was different, I felt attracted to her when I met her but I wasn’t sure how she was or how she’d be. But she and I often talked a lot at night, she and I are basically the same age so we had a lot in common. She was teaching me how to play the drums because she knew how and I wanted to learn.” 

“Was she a good teacher?” 

“Yes. I learned all the basics from her and when I met Simon he taught me the harder things. But, Sierra taught me how to keep a tempo and keep up. Alexander sometimes helped but usually he didn’t care.” 

“So you were good friends?” 

“Yes. She um..found out about Tera and I, at that point I’d been with Tera twice, Newton had taken pictures and she found one. She apparently asked Newton if he would share me with her, he agreed as long as she didn’t mind the photos. It was toward the end of the tour, right around my birthday when he took me to her as a present.” 

“Did you agree to that?” 

“I felt nervous and afraid until she touched me. After that I just kind of melted. I wasn’t told but I didn’t have a problem once she touched me. She was different in a good way, like she took pleasing her partner seriously. Tera never did it was more for the camera than me.” 

“It sounds like you were maybe a little more attracted to her than you were Tera.” 

“I’d wanted to ask Newton for months about her. I told him I wanted too but not that I’d ever ask.” 

“Did your relationship with her change after that?” 

“Oh yeah, I wasn’t afraid of how she’d react if I got in her lap, or if I did things on purpose, like teasing her. It moved from friends to little more than friends.” 

“Did you sleep with her without Newton?” 

“Yes. The last six months of our relationship I was meeting her pretty regularly. It was just after my birthday when she told me she loved me. We were at her hotel room, another tour and she just dropped it on me.” 

“How did it make you feel?” 

“I was terrified.” 

“Why?” 

“Shawn and Max had both left, after telling me they loved me and they wouldn’t. When she told me I just assumed she was about to do the same thing. I knew I had until the end of the tour at least, because she wouldn’t abandon the band, she would remain. I also knew Newton and Mary were hooking up, I just had no proof. Start of November I walked in on them, when I said I was leaving he pointed out I’d been doing the same thing. I was never leaving because of him, I left because I was afraid she’d leave and I had realized that I loved her too.” 

“What did you do when you left?” 

“I didn’t take much with me so I needed to get back here, I mostly hitchhiked and did things I’m not totally proud of, when I got here I realized I had nowhere to go. So I went to Tera.” 

“She wasn’t with you then?” 

“No. She left the band after the first tour. Honestly, I think she left because of me. She kept wanting more but once I was with Sierra I didn’t want anyone else. She was replaced by a guy but I didn’t speak to him much at all. She let me in, let me cry, gave me a heavy line of cocaine and then took me to bed. It was easy to forget. The tour ended a week after I got back and I know Sierra came home, but then she went off to California and I didn’t hear from her again until this past year.” 

I explained the encounters that occurred this year as well, including how she still sent me text messages. 

“Do you feel like she wants more from you now or that she really does just want to be friends?” 

“I don’t know but I can’t have another person telling me my marriage is a sham or not real. She didn’t listen and she missed seven years of my life. She thinks I can just be that person I was then and I can’t be.” 

She nodded but our time was coming to an end, so she went ahead and ended our session for the day. I went by and got breakfast for everyone on the way back and then went straight to the studio. I was almost there when my phone rang and I just answered, it was bound to be Zac asking where I was. 

“Hey, I’m almost there.” 

“It’s been a long time since I heard those words. I’m sure the meaning isn’t the same. Did you have fun then Gabriella?” 

I just hung up and sped up until I was there. I didn’t answer the phone when he called back. 

“Gabs? You look a little pale.” Isaac said. 

“Yeah, did something happen?” 

“Damien called.” 

“He...called?” Zac asked. 

“Yeah, I didn’t look just answered.” 

I couldn’t deny that the hug felt nice and comforting and I told him what was said as well. Damien really hadn’t been as bad as Simon, occasionally sending me a message or asking me if I remembered something. I hadn’t really heard his voice in a while, he’d been over just before Simon kicked me out. 

“Is he being like Simon?” Taylor asked. 

“Not near as bad as Simon. He hasn’t sent a lot of messages really, first time he’s called.” 

“Well, don’t worry about him.” Isaac said. 

“With three big bad protectors do you think I worry about anyone? I mean, Zac alone can stomp his ass.” 

“Anytime.” 

We sat down and ate and then they went to the studio and I followed them because I wanted to hear more of their songs and be familiar with them at least. It also was a good time to draw them, I had gotten several of Taylor and Isaac playing and even Zac. 

“Are you drawing blackmail pictures over there?” Taylor asked. 

I glanced up and smiled. “Wouldn’t you want to know.” 

“I do want to know!” 

Isaac and Zac laughed and I laughed with them. “No, Tay they are just good ones. I mean you have a nice backside and I am sure the fans would trip over themselves for them but I’d rather like your face and especially yours eyes.” 

“Are you drawing them for fans?” Isaac asked. 

“Not really. But you guys are here and so willing.” 

When the studio phone blared out they scrambled to answer it and I just giggled, Zac would beat them anyway and he did but they all huddled around. It was excited chatter between them all and when they hung up they seemed pleased. 

“I’ve totally missed something haven’t I?” 

“Everybody Else is going to be our opener again, we’re going to go post it now!” Isaac said. 

It took me several minutes to connect that and by then they were all out of the room, excited to finally announce the opener. But, if Everybody Else was opening…was Sierra also going to be there? 

I called Carrick myself, I had his number from long before, when he sent me that first picture of Zac. 

“Hello Mrs. Hanson, to what do I owe the call?” 

“I just heard you’re opening but…do you have a drummer?” 

“Sierra has agreed to be the drummer for us, we don’t have time to find someone else.” 

“But…” 

I paused, I couldn’t ask him not to use her when she knew the album and it was a month away now, there was no way someone else could learn the music that quickly. 

“But what?” 

“Nothing. Are you guys flying in early for practice?” 

“We’re talking to her about that now, we know we need a few weeks at least. She said she didn’t mind flying back here but I’m not sure.” 

“Of course she wouldn’t mind. Thanks.” 

I hung up and sat there a moment. Of course she didn’t fucking mind going back to California it’s what she was fucking good at. The guys came back and went back to practice, about three I volunteered to get lunch or early dinner, which ever they wanted to call it. Because I wanted to walk off some of the nervous energy I went to Mexicali’s. I wasn’t afraid to walk that block alone, I even had my phone incase. I stopped at the end of the street to wait for the light. 

“No security team? From what Simon said they never left you alone.” 

I really didn’t want to turn but I did some, he was standing behind me about three feet away. He was wearing all black, leather pants and a black t-shirt, his dark hair was styled the same and those eyes. I could even tell his nails were painted black, long nails that I remembered well. 

“I don’t need a security team.” 

I tried to sound as confident as I could in that statement, but even I detected the shakiness in my voice. I fought to steady myself as he got closer and I felt those nails along my arm. 

“You can tell me you aren’t afraid all you want, but I know you are. You always have been.” 

“Not true.” 

One of the nails slide across my arm in just the right place to remind me of how much they’d hurt before and that was all it took. I no longer cared about lunch or how I was seen, what I wanted was to be right with Zac. I ran left up the sidewalk, nearly passing the back alley and I knew he’d follow me, I reached the studio door in record time and knowing it was locked I just started beating on the door. He was coming up the alley. 

“Zac! Open the door.” I screamed. 

I tried yanking on the handle, anything to get their attention. I knew they were there because I could hear the drums. He was getting closer and I was afraid he may hurt me if he caught up, I couldn’t just keep waiting. When the dip occurred I screamed for him to open the door and I hit it as hard as I could. The music died down and Damien was ten feet away when it opened. 

Zac’s the one that opened the door and I couldn’t get past him to get inside but he was there/. 

“It’s okay, what is wrong? Why are you back here?” 

“She’s back here because of me.” He said. 

Zac turned a little confused but then he moved me behind him and that was perfectly fine with me, I didn’t want to be where he could reach me. 

“And you are?” 

“Damien Hendricks.” 

“Go on inside Gabriella.” 

I didn’t argue but Taylor and Isaac went outside and Taylor left the door open just a hair. I just moved away, tried to steady the shaking. It didn’t take them long before they were back inside and Zac was kneeling in front of me. 

“He’s gone. Are you okay?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Are you sure? You are shaking and you look pale.” 

“I just didn’t expect him, I don’t know if he scratched my arm or arm.” 

He checked, no scratch marks which was a good thing. Zac stayed with me while Isaac and Taylor went to pick up our order. 

“You’ve been kind of nervous since we got the call. Did he keep texting or anything?” 

“No. Carrick is having Sierra join them and I don’t know how to…and then he just showed up.” 

“I think you need to speak to Sierra, you two cannot be hostile and have so much tension. I know you don’t want to talk to her and you don’t want to deal with her but that’s not the right way to handle it. She obviously cares about you Gabby, she still asks me how you’re doing. She wouldn’t do that if she didn’t care.” 

“Carrick said she was going to California. She obviously doesn’t care that much.” 

He moved my hair. “They’re coming here Gabby.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“They’re going to practice here, we’re going to keep on for another two weeks and then let them have the studio for the afternoons, we’ll be doing practice early and them late. She’s not going to California.” 

Fuck, it would mean I’d be around her much sooner than September, more like in two weeks. 

“I don’t know if I can handle that.” 

“I’ll talk to her, see if we can come to some agreement between you two. Now, what about Damien? I’ve not seen you this scared of someone.” 

“He’s actually always kind of made me nervous and scared, just the way he carries himself and those fucking nails.” 

“Has he hurt you before?” 

“When Simon agreed he did, they hurt quite a bit and he actually drew blood on my sides, not that Simon cared.” 

“Well, I told him to leave you the hell alone that you weren’t going with him or Simon or anyone else.” 

“I don’t plan to anyway.” 

“You aren’t and that is just plain and simple. I’ll walk with you for the next few weeks anyway, just to make sure or Carrick and Austin can. I am sure they won’t mind.” 

“If you explain to them why, they won’t.” 

“I know you don’t want to speak to Sierra, but Gabby we can’t have you and her arguing for months on the bus.” 

It was nice that I could ignore her but he was right, she wouldn’t let me ignore her if we’re on a 72 foot bus, but I really didn’t want to face her. Yet, I had like two weeks before she would be here in the studio as well, so I really didn’t have a choice. 

“Suggestions? I can’t be there alone with her, we won’t solve anything.” 

“I’ll invite her over Saturday and we’ll see what we can do. I’ll tell her that she has to listen too because it’s not fair for her to keep telling you to change when she has no clue on why you changed in the first place. She also doesn’t know about the baby, does she?” 

“No. I never told her.” 

“I’ll check with her, see if she can meet us sometime this weekend. I know we’re busy the next several.” 

“Okay.” 

“Do I need to inform the detectives about Damien?” 

“Probably won’t hurt for them to know at least.” 

He kissed my forehead and while we waited on them, he called and reported what happen. There was still no threat attached, Damien had never said he was going to take me anywhere or made any physical threats. He just scared me and he always had. 

They returned with lunch and we ate and then they went back to playing and I sat down with my e-reader, I didn’t feel like I could draw anything nice so I elected to read instead. Not that I was accomplishing much in Twilight, but I promised Stella I would at least read them. But, I just couldn’t so instead I sat there and listened to the music they were playing. 

_I’ve been lonely_

_I’ve been cheated_

_Been misunderstood_

_I’ve been washed up_

_Put down_

_And told I’m no good_

_But with you I belong_

_‘Cause you help me be strong_

_There’s a change in my life_

_Since you came along_

  

I really couldn’t deny that since Zac entered my life things have changed. Sure, Max had wanted to help but all he seemed to care about was whether I was clean or not. He didn’t seem to care how I was mentally, but Zac did. He’d been supportive of Dr. Cortez and if she asked him to do anything, he would make sure it was done. 

He’d not forced me to do anything, not to draw, not to work, nothing. He really didn’t seem to care if I didn’t do anything at all, but I wanted too. He claimed my drawings could be worth something and they could be sold, but I wasn’t sure they were that good. 

He was willing to love me despite my past, willing to defend me against anyone, willing to fight for me. I didn’t need to have him tell me he loves me, he more than proved it on his own. I didn’t need to question my own feelings either, I loved him. He may be the only person that I have truly loved. I couldn’t say I would do anything to stay or that he made me feel as complete and whole as I do now. 

I found that sitting here just watching them was good, I even tweeted a picture of them. Even if it was after 8:30 before they called it quits. 

“Were you enjoying you’re like…private Hanson show?” Taylor asked. 

I smiled. “I was. It’s rare I get to actually hear the songs and I am beginning to even detect when one of you fuck up.” 

“When we fuck up?” Zac asked. 

“Yeah, but you guys caught them too, so obviously I am improving my knowledge of the Hanson song history.” 

“Always a good thing in case a fan asks you the lyrics to Mmmbop.” Taylor said. 

“I don’t know the lyrics to anything off Middle of Nowhere, sorry.” 

They looked at Zac. “Seriously? You have to teach her.” 

He rolled his eyes and we began to make our way to the front to go home. Cutting off lights and things as we went. They agreed on the same time tomorrow and I groaned, early was just bad. But, least we got home safely and in bed at a decent time.


	34. I must be insane!

POV: Zac

  

August 9, 2008 

I usually look forward to weekends, but I was not looking forward to today. Gabriella had talked to Dr. Cortez about Sierra the last two appointments, because its where they were anyway. But, I finally got her to call me back and she agreed to come over today to talk. She wanted to speak to her alone but Gabby would not agree to that. I finally got her to agree to me being here too. She would be over at one, so I took the morning to straighten up and spend it with her, between the sheets that is. Not that she minded that. 

“You seem as nervous as me.” She said. 

She was sitting at the counter, still in my t-shirt and just that. I was fixing lunch before Sierra arrived. 

“I am because I don’t know how to really mediate two women, I mean I never have before. Brothers I can handle, women I’m not so sure. You aren’t helping with just my t-shirt.” 

“I’ll get dressed once I get done eating. We can’t be that bad, I mean she usually is pretty easy to calm down.” 

“Well, I don’t want you to be upset at all. But, I can’t get pissed at her if she does upset you, because then nothing will get solved.” 

She smiled. “You’ll do fine.” 

We ate lunch about noon and then she got up and went to the bedroom, I had gotten dressed when I got up. Blue jeans and a simple white t-shirt. She came into the living room wearing shorts and the same t-shirt, I could tell she’d added a bra though. 

“Seriously?” 

“What? You love that I am wearing your shirt, don’t even deny that shit.” 

I was going to argue that point but the doorbell rang and I dropped it, answering the door instead. Sierra, in contrast to Gabby had on a rather short black skirt, a short corset type shirt that laced up the front and there was nothing under it and black heels. Her hair was down and she’d freshened her hair dye some. 

“Welcome, come in.” I said. 

“Hey, she is here right?” 

“Yes.” 

She then came in and I could feel the tension the moment they saw each other, good lord I had to be stupid to agree to this. If they fought I was doomed. 

“I’m shocked you’re here. I didn’t expect you to be.” 

“Where else would I be? I agreed to this too Sierra. I just wouldn’t agree to meeting you alone.” 

“Why the hell not? You know me Skye, you know I won’t hurt you.” 

I walked over and paused Gabby. “Not because she thought you would hurt her, but because she knows that you both will be upset and that will lead to arguments which won’t put any peace between you two.” 

She seemed to back down a bit then. “I want to know why she won’t answer my calls, messages, or anything. She even blocked me on her e-mail, what is the deal?” 

“I would have assumed you’d have understood that I didn’t have a reason to talk to you.” 

“No reason? You believe that bullshit? You ran away seven years ago, I’m not going to let you do that again.” 

Gabby sighed. “We’ve been over this! I told you why I ran away.” 

“Still living in a fantasy land I see, when will you accept reality? You aren’t this person you’re pretending to be.” 

I was a bit confused by that myself, I’d never known Gabby any other way and she didn’t seem to be pretending about who she was. So, perhaps Sierra didn’t know her as well as she thought. 

“When will you accept that I am not the same person you knew seven years ago?! Damn, you came home, packed your bags, and flew off to California. To your perfect fucking life, to follow all of your dreams and to do what you wanted. Yet, you have the audacity to tell me you loved me? Bullshit! You are living in the fantasy land, not me.” 

“Yet you draw me, naked mind you, all the time. I didn’t even know you could draw. Didn’t know you had a brother and yet you tell me you ran because you loved me? No, you saw Mary and Newton and you left. You didn’t even take any of your things with you. You used them as an excuse to get away from me, because you couldn’t handle it!” 

Gabby just looked at her, very confused. “Well according to you I am unable to love anyone. I am just some child that doesn’t know a damn thing, you know nothing Sierra.” 

“I know that you married him for no reason, beginning to think the fans were right about you two. You don’t believe him when he tells you he loves you, I can read it in your face. You are still living in some fucking fantasy land and you need to wake the fuck up.” 

“Stop telling me I am in some fucking fantasy land!” Gabby had gotten quite loud and I really didn’t appreciate her comments about us. 

“You are! You pretended the fans didn’t exist, pretended that Max didn’t hurt you, you pretend to believe Zac here, when you don’t. You are pretending to be this high class bitch and you aren’t.” 

“Just leave, there is no point in this. You clearly don’t want to listen to me. Come tour just pretend I don’t exist because that’s what you did seven years ago, you pretended I wasn’t here in town and you fucking left me here.” 

Gabby left the room and slammed the bedroom door when she went in, I was glad the hinges were still good. I stopped Sierra though, she didn’t need to chase her into the bedroom, she’d feel trapped there. 

“She’s upset, she’s not going to listen to you.” 

“You think she will you? Bullshit. She doesn’t love you, she may say those words but there empty words and you know it.” 

“I’d advise that you not tell me how she feels. I can tell Carrick and Austin that they need to replace you or we can find someone else. I will not have you doing this shit on the tour. Let her calm down and then we can sit down and you can listen too. Because you aren’t doing that at all” 

“I don’t need to listen Zac, I know her.” 

“Really? Do you really know her Sierra? Do you know what Simon did to her? Do you know how long she dated Simon? Do you know why she stopped drawing and never told you? Do you have any idea why she never bothered to tell you about Shawn?” 

She was quiet a moment. “I can’t answer any of those.” 

“Then you don’t know her. It’s been seven years Sierra, a lot has happened in both your lives that impacts who you are. Have a seat, I’ll give her a few more minutes and then we can talk. Would you like a drink?” 

“Water will be fine.” 

I got her a bottle and sat it down, waited another fifteen before I went to the bedroom. I was sure Gabby knew she hadn’t left, she was just sitting on the bed. 

“You’re going to make me talk to her?” She asked. 

“Not make, no. But, she might have a better idea on why she needs to listen.” 

“You believe her?” 

I moved some of the hair out of her face. “I believe that neither of us may have been in love when we got married, but I know you love me. I can see it in the things you do and the way you act. I also understand that for you love is very hard to accept. But, you know I’m not going anywhere.” 

The slight blush to her cheeks said I got through to her, so I got her hand and lead her to the living room, I sat her down on the other end of the couch and sat down on the coffee table. 

“I’m not Isaac but I have mediated before. I’ll let Sierra start, but no yelling, name calling, or otherwise rude gestures from either of you.” 

“How comforting. I really don’t have much to say, she ran away seven years ago, she didn’t give me a chance and she went straight to Tera. Guess she did that to you as well, so we have something in common.” 

“I told you why I left. I left because I loved you and that terrified me, I didn’t want you to walk away like Shawn and Max did. I couldn’t give you a chance because I was too afraid of the ending. I didn’t go to Tera because I wanted her or some shit, I went because I had nowhere else to go. I got home and no one I knew wanted to help me, some didn’t even acknowledge me. I went to her because I knew she wouldn’t turn me away. She won’t ask questions, she won’t pressure you to talk, she’ll just accept you and that’s it. It’s why I went in May too.” 

“You married him without even a hint that he loved you, explain that one. Thirteen days.” 

“Why can’t people let that go? We dated, we got married, neither of us had a fucking clue if we did love the other one. It was thirteen days, but Sierra he sat there in the hospital for weeks after the attack. We didn’t know when we got married, but we know now. We love each other.” 

Sierra appraised her for several moments. “You aren’t lying like you were last time. The last time you told me you loved him, you lied to me. You do now?” 

“I wasn’t really in a great frame of mind then, not even now.” 

“Why not?” 

At that moment I stopped Gabby. “Sierra, do you have any ideas what happened the last seven years?” 

“Not really. I know a few exes of hers, James and Daniel, but neither really told me much.” 

“I think you should tell her Gabby.” 

She nodded and then proceeded to explain what happen after she left, through guys which she hardly could remember those times and then Simon. Which was a major reason as to why she wasn’t that free spirited wild child anymore. She didn’t stop until she reached the tour and I had napkins handy, girls were always emotional. 

“I can’t believe you put up with that.” She said. 

“When I realized you left for California I just did whatever I needed to survive basically. I couldn’t go back to Jacob and Julian, I considered it but I knew he would just be like before. By the time I met Simon, I was desperate for love. Little things made me feel appreciated, gestures and attention was just gold. It lured me in and allowed him to close the cage door on me. By the time I realized he really didn’t love me, it was too late.” 

“Did that help you better understand the changes?” I asked. 

“Some, I didn’t understand why she’d let the fans talk to her that way or would want them to like her. The person I knew wouldn’t ever have let them or cared. I didn’t understand why she was hanging around you either. Especially when she clearly lied to me then, but not now.” 

“Everyone told me they loved me and wanted to be there, they all lied. It took time for me to learn that when he says something, he means it. Not many would have stayed at the hospital or been there as much as he has been, it’s taking time to believe him truly and trust my own feelings for him. Why did you go to California without bothering to find me?” 

“Tera called me a few days after you arrived, it’s how I knew you were there. She said you showed up, practically jumped her when you walked in. She said you wanted to be with her and how much you loved her and wanted to be there forever. I came by the house Skye, when I got in town and she told me you didn’t want to see me. I figured that you didn’t really love me and therefore when the chance came to follow my dream I went. Did you not say those things?” 

“Well, I did pretty much jump her when I arrived. But, I never said anything else. I never said I wanted to be with her forever, she’s a good friend sometimes. I don’t love her and I never did. You came by the house?” 

“Yes, soon as I learned her address. I came for you because I couldn’t believe you’d just leave and want to be with her, but I felt like I had to let you do what you wanted. So, I moved to Cali.” 

“You kept up with me, didn’t you?” 

Sierra smiled. “What gave me away?” 

“James. I was with him shortly before Simon, he’s not someone you should have ever known, let along someone that would call you.” 

“I met him not long after you left him actually, you used his phone to dial me late one night. Left a rather nice voicemail for me. But when I called back he answered and I was in town, so we met up. He wouldn’t talk to me about you and had no idea where you went. Daniel should have called me when you showed up, I met him through Tera.” 

“Daniel and I weren’t together, it really was just sex.” 

I blinked at her, that I hadn’t known! Gabby patted my shoulder. 

“I know, but he should have called me because I called when Zac said you were gone. He said you hadn’t been there. What happen on the tour Kitten? You seemed nervous that I was there but the longer things went, the weirder it got and that long drive with you crying was so bad. After that you shut down.” 

“Max got me the job and warned me Zac here was just a skirt chasing asshole, granted he was for a bit. But then we got closer and I tried to resist but eventually gave him. We decided to try a relationship.” 

I just smiled but Sierra rolled her eyes. 

“That lead you to a Vegas wedding?” 

“Vodka lead us to a Vegas wedding.” I said. 

“Yep. It was my idea really but I thought it was a fake chapel. Then his ex kissed him and we didn’t talk. Max and Abby were constantly telling me I didn’t need to be with him, that he would cheat, he didn’t care, and so on. It was after we were married that the men broke in and hurt me, he sat there day and night the whole time I was there and when I was released I came here.” 

“Worried me for days over that.” I said. 

Gabby smiled and Sierra shook her head. “Is that when Shawn returned?” 

“Yeah. Just, Max never accepted us being together. I went into that tour with his parents being disappointed in him for not inviting them, Max was constantly telling me he hadn’t changed, fans added. I saw you and everything, I just couldn’t run away.” 

“You did run Skye, right to Tera.” 

“The hospital wasn’t just the appendix. I miscarried as well. I didn’t understand because I hadn’t wanted kids but after he told me I couldn’t shake the feelings. I was drawing broken cribs and everything was stacking. You said I wasn’t in reality, I was, just my reality sucked. When I got home Max sent pictures that made it seem like Zac was with other women, including while I was in New York. The pictures were from 2005. I saw them, hurt like hell and I ran.” 

“You could have called me.” 

“I could but I didn’t. I don’t make a lot of good decisions. I rejected the drugs at first, but remembered how freeing it was.” 

“Well, the miscarriage explains how I found you. But, you know your limits.” 

“I was waiting for someone to stop me. No one did. Zac here sat at the hospital, even though I screamed at him to leave. I had to come here, I saw the originals and after a long nap we got to talk.” 

“I’m just stubborn as hell that is all.” I smirked. 

“Yes, you are.” 

“Hey, my stubbornness got me you. So, I am fine with that. Are we better here now? Because I really can’t have you two trying to kill each other on tour. Even if you never speak again.” 

“She’s my kitten, not speaking is not possible. Someone has to make her purr.” 

I just smiled. “You aren’t the only one that can do that.” 

“Shit, you figured out my secrets?! Damn. I cannot imagine never talking again, but I can see where I went wrong. I just assumed she was the same person she was before. Trying to push you was the wrong thing to do. You handled the fans far better than I would have.” 

“I haven’t been that assertive in a long time.” 

I leaned back and looked at her, not assertive? I recalled several morning of being woken up. “Really? You put ear plugs on my drum set and on my pillow and told me to have sweet dreams. You can be assertive.” 

Her cheeks went a little pink and Sierra giggled. “Guess she can still be a major tease when she wants to be. If Max was anywhere near right about you, I am shocked you were able to resist at all, especially as long as you apparently did.” 

“Resist? There was no resisting, there was just dealing.” 

“You guys make me sound like some mermaid, trying to drown people in sexiness. Using my secret siren call to lure people in.” 

“I wouldn’t say drown us, torment maybe even torture us but never drown.” Sierra said. 

I smiled because Sierra was right, since they were both calmly talking I turned to play some games, listening as they talked. Sierra stayed until 5 and then she headed home. They had discussed Sierra’s last 7 years as well, that while she had some success in California, it wasn’t what she wanted but it was enough to be comfortable. She’d had a string of failed relationships too. 

“You’ve been extremely quiet. Is everything okay?” 

“Yes, you two can’t work out problems if someone is always stopping or interrupting. I listened to what was said, but I didn’t interject, I would have if needed though.” 

She came to me, her hands sliding around my waist. “You aren’t mad about anything?” 

I moved the hair from her face. “I already knew Gabriella. She may think she’s the only one that can tell but I could tell, but I also knew that it wasn’t that easy for you. The important part is you aren’t lying now.” 

I got a tight hug that seemed to last forever, before we started dinner. 

“Do you think you two can now live together without trying to kill each other?” 

“I do, not going to guarantee we will always see eye to eye though.” 

“Not everyone does. Just I knew that how you guys were before hand was just not going to work on the bus, you needed to talk and at least be able to be civil.” 

“Yeah. I agree. So…what is the plan again?” 

I laughed. “They’ll practice in the afternoons, us in the mornings. If you’d rather not be there I am sure we can figure out something but I really don’t think you need to be roaming alone because of Damien.” 

“Agreed. What room were you talking about when you mentioned a place for me?” 

I paused and looked at her. “There is a room beside the control area, we use it for storage right now but if you wanted just a quiet space that can work, well it may not be entirely quiet as we will be beside you when their present. Were you thinking about doing something?” 

“Sarah has a friend who is willing to put a few canvases up, she messaged me a few days ago. She however did not want any of you guys. I was thinking of doing a few different landscapes or animals, something that doesn’t scream Hanson or music.” 

“Something our fans won’t go insane for?” 

“Yeah, basically.” 

“I’ll clean out a space wherever you want to be. I’m sure the other’s won’t mind.” 

“Thanks. You’re burning the potatoes.” 

Shit! By the time I turned they were beyond hope so I just started over. Paid a little more attention to the cooking food and we got to eat a little later than planned. I was glad that Sarah was willing to help her, and I wondered if this was a test for her too. I made plans to get her some good quality replacements for her stuff and good canvases. We could do that tomorrow actually… 

After dinner we watched the first two Star Wars movies, she’d never seen them and wanted too. After that we went to bed.


	35. Deciphers

POV: Gabby

  

August 12, 2008 

Shawn had picked me up at nine from the studio, claiming he needed sister time because we really hadn’t had a lot of moments or time together and he had the day off. I talked him into driving the countryside so I could get some ideas for the canvases. We stopped at the Blue Rose for lunch and he opted to sit on the river side. 

“You seem more like the sister I remember, is the doctor helping you?” 

I hadn’t expected him to dive right into serious talk this soon. “She is doing a lot of good. Helping me move through events and allowing me to feel what I blocked.” 

“I rather expected a talk with me at some point, I’m not ignorant Ella, I know that I created and caused problems.” 

“You really want to talk about this now Shawn?” 

“We don’t have too, we can however take a long walk afterwards.” 

“Let’s do that. Nice lunch, no emotional stuff.” 

He smiled. “Still my sister.” 

We really did have a nice lunch, he asked about the canvases and I asked about his new classes. Once lunch was over we took the trail down by the river and walked a ways in silence before he chose a remote area with a bench overlooking the river. 

“You act like you did something catastrophic to my life and that sent me into a daze.” 

He turned to me. “I did Ella. It may not have seemed liked a big thing but come on, you didn’t tell people about me after I left, you basically banned Abby from mentioning me, it obviously did enough. I shouldn’t have left you there with them, I should have been the big brother you deserved. I see how Grace talks to her brothers and I realize that I did miss so many chances to step up and be there for you. Especially when you really needed it.” 

“But do you really think that would have happened? You were honest with me, you resented that I cost you our parents Shawn, you knew it wasn’t my fault and it just took you time to realize that. You left because you could and because it’s what you needed.” 

“But maybe staying would have been better. I wouldn’t have let Max get that close to you, I don’t like him. I wouldn’t have let you run off or stop drawing.” 

“But you would have kept resenting me for things, you would have kept hating me Shawn. The older we got the worse it got, come on I was sensing that already. I wasn’t a stupid child when you left, I was beginning to feel it Shawn. I didn’t understand it, but I felt it. Eventually I would have asked and where do you think that would have lead?” 

“To understanding?” 

“Please, you are as hot headed as I was then, we both would have exploded and I’d have probably done a lot worse then. We wouldn’t be sitting here today if you hadn’t left. Granted, I could have used a big brother many times. Someone to push me farther or hold me back, but if you hated me then it would have made things worse.” 

“How did you get so much smarter than me?” 

“Real world experience helps.” 

“Are you sure you’re okay with my leaving? It’s not something you resent or hate me for?” 

That was a tough question to answer and I took a few minutes to gather my thoughts on that subject. 

“If you had asked me when I was twelve and fourteen and even twenty I would have said hell no to the first one, I was never okay with you leaving. You were what made me feel safe, loved and needed, you provided that motivation to draw and the desire to always do something better because you were honest with me. At that time, I resented that you left. I hated you for leaving me there with him. It was a tough day when I realized that I did hate you at one point.” 

“And now?” 

“I understand now. I understand that if you felt that way and I was sensing it that by the time I hit sixteen we would probably not even be talking and things would have been much worse. I can’t resent you or hate you for something you needed to do and really Shawn, you leaving may have upset me and it did a lot of things but if you had waited two more years or three more then the repercussion would have been worse. Honestly, I’d have probably left then. Abby wasn’t enough when Max left, I can’t imagine either of them being enough if you had waited. As much as it affected things, it also made me rely on other people some. Not totally on you.” 

“I didn’t mind that though.” 

“Yeah, but Shawn I shouldn’t have been doing that. You can’t ever say you weren’t a good big brother, even though you left and left the note, you were a good brother. I mean really, you took care of me when I couldn’t. You may not have known what to do, but you tried and you weren’t that old either. Just because I don’t remember that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it. I just shouldn’t have depended on you so much. They tried to separate us, I remember that and I remember not being able to do anything. The system just didn’t care and they didn’t detect that particular emotion.” 

“Dependency. I acknowledged that part a while back, part of the process of figuring out why. It didn’t occur to me that at one you didn’t really have a strong bond with our parents, because they hardly had anything to do with you. You bonded with me and I didn’t understand how you could be happy with different parents, different families.” 

“I was happy because you were there with me. I never truly had parents so it was easy to let them be mom and dad.” 

“I wish I had seen that sooner, I think it would have helped me to not hate those things about you. For the record I hated that you could draw better than me.” 

I giggled. “I hated that you didn’t have to study for anything. Pissed me off so bad when I had to.” 

“You said you wanted to be a doctor, how come you aren’t pursuing that?” 

“Somewhere along the way I realized that I wanted to be a doctor because you wanted to be one. I wanted to roadie because Max wanted that. I think it was Zac that made me realize I didn’t want either of those things. Granted, I love being the roadie because I travel.” 

“Do you know what you want to do?” 

“I want to draw, I want to do things that make people happy. Despite how horrible I felt in New York when I took Bailey the drawing of Ella, the way she looked at it was something I liked. The way Sarah responded to the drawing I did of Stephanie I liked. I want to see that in others.” 

“You were always great at drawing and while you’ll never admit it you liked when Abby complimented one or Julian.” 

“I always did. I also liked that you were an asshole sometimes and told me it sucked.” 

“Like that poor Dragon? You butchered that poor thing the first time, but my red one is amazing and occupies a space where I can see it every day.” 

“Good. Want a bigger one?” 

“Bigger?” 

“Zac went insane when he bought me canvases, he got this huge one that I have no idea what to do with.” 

He smiled. “Paint the river, capture the movements and be you. So, on this wedding front thing…” 

“Wedding front thing? That’s the best you got?” 

“I know I suck. Anyway, I know it’s unconventional to ask you, should be the other way around…” 

“You are walking me down the aisle Shawn, you aren’t getting out of that.” 

He blinked. “How did you…?” 

“You’re the only male relative I have, the only one I’d ever want to walk me down the aisle.” 

He smiled. “I suppose I need a tux then, damn.” 

“Well, you have some time. I go this weekend for photos at Philbrook.” 

“Photos? You got him to agree?” 

“I really wanted Philbrook for the wedding, but we found another place comparable and I was willing to concede Philbrook if we did pictures there. He scheduled them, they’re going to be like couples or engagement type.” 

“Good. I want at least one of you alone.” 

“Alone?” 

“If I was off, I’d be there but I have to work Saturday. But, I want a really good one of you alone.” 

“I am sure he’ll get a few of me alone.” 

“Okay, so we covered us. What’s the deal with this Damien guy? Zac said he wouldn’t send you alone because of him.” 

“He’s a band member that was with Simon. He’s always made me feel like prey I guess, like not even Jacob made me feel the way he does. Just the way he looks at me scares me. I went to get lunch last week and he came up behind me, scared me. Simon has pretty much stopped calling and texting and everything. Like, he’s sent maybe two in the last two months, but Damien is texting and calling, but not as often.” 

“What does he say?” 

“He thinks he was my favorite, it wasn’t my fault that he was there when Simon was bad.” 

“Do you think he’s contacting you on behalf of Simon?” 

“Maybe. He could just be wanting to be an ass.” 

“Has he hurt you before? You aren’t usually afraid of people like that.” 

“Before Simon made me leave he agreed to a three-some with him.” 

“Am I going to regret asking if they bothered to ask if you wanted that?” 

“Yeah, they didn’t. Not a very pleasant memory. But before that he hadn’t really done anything to hurt me, just watched Simon.” 

“See, these are moments I regret leaving because none of them would have done that to you.” 

“Believe me, Zac has no issue hitting them for you.” 

“So…I’ve been dying to see the zoo, care to join me?” 

“Only if you swing by the apartment so I can grab my camera.” 

“I can do that.” 

We walked back to the car where he did go by the apartment and then we went to the zoo. I’d been here before but it had been a while. We went through the reptile house as well, but he moved me away from the spiders I hadn’t even seen. We were about to leave when Zac sent me a text. 

**_Seriously? You’re already dating this hot doctor? *sigh* How is the Zoo?_ **

_Hot doctor? Zoo? You are confused buttercup. Although, how did you know I was at the zoo?_

**_Couple fans tweeted a picture of you and Shawn, you were practically in his arms. I presume the resident peacock was around?_ **

_Fucking peacocks! Let me guess….they thought I was cheating on you?_

**_Yep. They actually tweeted it to us. No problem, I told them I was fine with you hanging out with him._ **

I groaned and checked, sure enough the photos was there and Zac’s reply too. 

“You’re famous Bro.” 

“Really?” 

I showed him the picture. “Damn, well those fans can stuff it. You needed protection from the big bad peacock.” 

I rolled my eyes and let Zac know we were headed there, he came inside the studio to greet them for a bit and there was jokes about the picture, he then headed home. 

“Let me guess…we’re not leaving anytime soon?” I asked. 

“Afraid not. We are going to take a break and go get dinner though.” 

Which we chose Caz’s and then returned to the studio. I sat down with the codes from the disk while they started perfecting the songs they’ll play. I had tried a dozen combinations but none had worked, so I was just seeing if there was some random code or if I could spot any kind of pattern. 

I wasn’t making as much progress but I was hoping the police had a better grasp of this and were making progress. I was also thinking about what to wear this Saturday, it was going to be warm and I was thinking maybe a nice dress would be better. 

Truthfully, I liked my short stuff and my more sexy outfits but I also understood I wasn’t a teenager anymore, I did need some more adult like outfits and while I could make them sexy too, Stella had been right, move coverage can be just as enticing as less. I’d proven that to myself several times because the cat costume drove him insane but so did a lot of my clothes. 

I moved another letter around and tried and it failed again. This was getting frustrating and I wondered if this was even worth it, the amount of time I was wasting trying to figure out what was so important that I had to nearly die for them to get back was just insane but I wanted to know. Max had been good with these types of things but I really had no desire to talk to him. 

I laid the papers down and got up and went to the studio, they were doing acapella so I sat down at the drums, they all turned when I picked up the same beat Zac was snapping with his fingers. 

“I’m bored, just roll with it.” 

They waited until I had the right beat thanks to Zac’s showing me. I kept that same beat through the whole song and then paused. 

“We’re gonna take a break.” Ike said. 

He and Taylor walked out but Zac remained. “Why don’t you play something.” 

“Now?” 

“Yes. Just whatever comes to come.” 

“You don’t have any drum sticks back here.” 

“Don’t need them to move your feet.” 

I started with a simple beat one that Simon taught me when he first wanted me to learn the harder things. He would count a number and give me a letter. I added the bass and remembered he told me about double letters, like oh, ah, and ch. I have no idea when my brain clicked, when I got up Zac was confused but I came back with the paper and sat down with it and a pair of sticks. 

“Do me a favor, when I call out a letter, write it down please.” 

He looked confused as hell but got a sheet of paper and a pen, I used the numbers to play, calling off the letters to Zac as I went. 

“Did that spell anything?” 

“Yeah, Chris Reigns.” 

The letters however were a mystery but when I reverse the order, it became numbers. After several minutes I had his name, address, and numbers. 

“Is this some new game?” Tay asked. 

“No. It’s apparently the code for this paper.” 

He looked over Zac’s shoulder. “Ten Gs 4GR? What is this?” 

With Taylor saying it out loud it almost just fell into place. “Could it be quantities? Ten grand or ten thousand, 4 GR could be grams.” 

“Like grams of something illegal?” Tay asked. 

“Simon did drugs, could be that he spent on them. There are more.” 

I played, they wrote down the letter or number, but after the first sets the code must have changed because it started making no sense. The names on the paper weren’t all familiar to me, some were. 

“This looks like a dealers list, he supplied them with the drugs and got paid.” Isaac said. 

“Then the other list is probably suppliers.” Taylor said. 

“I didn’t think he was dealing, I knew he used them.” 

“Are you sure this is a list Simon would have?” Isaac asked. 

“I haven’t heard anyone else play those specific tones. He also didn’t usually count or say the letters, he only did that when we were alone.” 

“Well, if the list is Simon’s, then he probably put the disk in that bag. Odds are then he was the one that contracted the hit.” Isaac said. 

“Agreed. Which means that Damien may not be coming around on his own. It’s probably Simon.” Zac said. 

“Which is why I am calling Detective Mabis.” 

I did that promptly and agreed to send him the decipher with Zac’s help, because I could play but I couldn’t write the music down and I could play and him write without complications. Detective Mabis was grateful because no one there had been able to break that code yet either. The list would help them and they would be contacting Simon now. 

Given that it was now late they called it a night and everyone went their own ways, Isaac mentioned visiting Nicole but Taylor said Stella was in bed already. We went home where we got showers and got ready for bed. 

“Did you and Shawn have a good day together?” 

“He wanted to talk about him leaving, think maybe it was time we did even if I’d have rather waited another…ten years.” 

He giggled. “Sooner is better. He seems to really want you to be happy. He seemed confused by his own actions then.” 

“Well, like I told him maybe it was better because if he truly hated me then two more years would have caused major issues. I mean I was detecting that there was something he wasn’t saying, I just didn’t know it was that. I think it helped me in some ways and in other ways it was the worst thing ever.” 

“The zoo went well except for that peacock?” 

“Those fuckers are sneaky. Yeah, beside that damn bird it went well. Studio rehearsal go okay?” 

“It did, we managed to cover good grounds and perfect some things. Just going to be a long few weeks.” 

“Shawn has one request for our pictures.” 

“He had a request?” 

“Yep. He wants one really good of me alone.” 

“I think that can be arranged.” 

“I was also thinking maybe a dress would be good. I seem to be liking them lately.” 

“I like them for totally different reasons, but I think it would be pretty.” 

“I’ll dig through Friday, I’m tired right now and you look like you might be walking asleep.” 

“I feel like I am.” 

I cut the lights off and we went to bed, I laid there thinking about dresses, it wouldn’t be long before I would picking out one that he won’t get to see for a while, one that I never thought I would be picking out. 


	36. The Right Dress

POV: Gabby

  

August 23, 2008 

Our pictures at Philbrook had come out incredible. Zac had worn tan shorts and a solid teal shirt, which fit with my solid white dress, it had been sleeveless and covered well. I’d even gone and put makeup on and even fixed my hair. There had been several single pictures of me and Shawn had selected three of them. 

The canvases for Sarah’s friend were also done. I’d done two scenic pictures one of a forest with a deer in the center and one of the Arkansas river, same view I’d had when I talked with Shawn. I then did one of horses running through a field and one of a tiger, really close up on the face. The very big one I’d done of a Dragon, but I told her it could be displayed but that it wasn’t for sale, I promised that one to Shawn because he saw it during a visit and just fell in love. A golden dragon with blue highlights. 

Having Sierra there wasn’t bad, they practiced and I painted, I did see her but it was rare. I started to invite her today but then Carrick and Austin were going to practice all day since Zac and the other two were taking the day off. It may be better if she weren’t there. 

Zac begged me to send pictures to him, namely of the one I chose, I flatly refused. When he handed me the no limit credit card though I about fainted, he told me to buy what felt right and he didn’t care how much it cost. 

When Diana arrived we left and met Abigail for a brunch date and then we went to the shop, which was called Bridal Elegance of Tulsa. Abigail was so giddy it was insane, Diana had made the appointment and we went inside with a few minutes to spare. 

“Hi, I’m Elaine. How may I help you?” 

“Hanson.” Diana said. 

She smiled. “Your consultant is ready, her name is Ruby. She’ll be happy to assist you in all of your needs and questions.” 

Ruby was about my height, petite, with bright blonde hair. Clearly she kept it dyed that color, she was cute really. Had a cute face, I however didn’t like that she wore a Hanson symbol necklace. But, perhaps she would be nice. 

“Good Evening Mrs. Hanson, I have selected several dresses that I feel would be appropriate.” 

She had addressed Diana and Abby looked at me confused because that sounded like she’d selected dresses for Diana, not me. 

Diana blushed. “How sweet, I am sure Gabriella would appreciate that.” 

Yep, there it was. That stunned look and she looked at me and then back to Diana. “It’s not your vowel renewal?” 

“No ma’am, Walker and I are content with our vows. Oh dear, I see the confusion I made the appointment under my name. The appointment is for my daughter-in-law, Gabriella.” 

I went to shake her hand and she didn’t bother so I let it drop, great this was a perfect way to start my day. A consultant who apparently didn’t like me. 

“Certainly, I think the ones selected would still be appropriate.” 

Diana and Abigail moved to sit down and Ruby had me follow her to the back to a room. I really didn’t want to undress in front of this woman, but I did and the first dress was very poofy. She tightened it behind me and I just stared in the mirror. The bottom flared way too much and even the waist didn’t seem to fit. 

“I don’t like this one at all.” 

“It’s fine, let them see it.” 

I simply nodded and walked to the front, the damn bottom was all in my way, and it swallowed me whole. Even though the top was a corset style, I felt like it did nothing to support my breast at all. 

“I thought you said no poofy?” Abby asked. 

“It was something she had picked out.” 

“I don’t like it period.” 

“I have to admit, neither do I. It’s not flattering at all.” Diana said. 

I just turned and walked back to the room but as I passed a mirror I saw her holding her phone up, all she would get is my back and so what if Zac saw it? I wasn’t going to buy it. I did watch her carefully as I removed it, because I wouldn’t tolerate her tweeting partially nude pictures. Yet, every dress she had selected was big and poofy, even some of them had huge puffy sleeves and the more I tried on the more unhappy I got. I finally got a picture of her and sent it to Zac, I mean bad fan is one thing but this was ridiculous. 

_Do you know this bitch?!_

**_Yeah…Is her name Ruby by chance?_ **

_Yes. How do you know her?!_

**_She was one of a few local hookups, was a long time ago. Why is she there?_ **

_She’s my consultant….I swear if she brings me one more dress that makes me feel like a whale I am going to snap though. :- ( I’ve asked her ten times to bring something different._

**_Calm down buttercup. Say something to my Mom, she made the appointment and she will say something to her._ **

_I don’t want to seem like a bribezilla…oh god…another poofy dress._

I even sent him a picture of this hideously poofy thing and even he said no, in capital letters. So, I didn’t even try it on. 

“I have a few more.” 

“I’m not trying those on Ruby. I do not want a poofy dress, I have asked you four times to get me a mermaid style. I’m not stupid I know what they look like.” 

She seemed pissed off as she snatched the one up and started to leave the room, but I heard her mutter what a bitch I was. I just breathed deeply and waited, but even then the ones she brought me were so fucking bad. They were mermaid style, but the bottoms had huge swirly pieces of fabric, super sized roses that were flat and weird looking, and then one that just had a lot of crystals with a poofy bottom. I tried on one the last one, which Abby and Diana both said no too. I humored her with another five dresses but I was about done, after this many surely there was no hope in finding one today. The last one she brought me was a very plain dress, it covered virtually every part of me but my face and hands. I hated the way it looked in the mirror, but I started out there anyway. I stepped up and then looked at Diana and Abby, but I was shocked to see Sierra sitting there as well. 

That was a contrast from hell, because Diana and Abby were all cool colors and proper but Sierra was all black, bright blue hair and dark make up. 

“What is that? You look like a miserable sardine. Really? This is the best they offered you?” 

“Sierra.” I said. 

“You don’t look happy.” Abby said. 

“Not sure you look like a sardine, but you really don’t seem to like it. Ruby, is there a reason why you keep bringing her these dresses? It’s clear that none of us like the designs especially her.” 

“I believe they fit her well.” 

Sierra got up and walked away, several minutes passed before she returned with Elaine, whom didn’t look happy. 

“Mrs. Hanson are you not pleased with the dresses that Ruby has chosen?” 

“No. I didn’t want poofy and most of them have been, this is the only non poofy and I really hate it. I don’t think I can keep on. I just really want to go home now.” 

“Skye, you don’t mean that. I think we could however use a different consultant.” Sierra said. 

“No, I mean it Sierra. I just want to go home. I’m done.” 

I walked out of the show room and back to the room, where I started changing. When the door opened I didn’t bother to turn around, assumed it was Ruby. 

“Leave me alone Ruby. I don’t care that you had sex with him years ago, I’m his wife now and it’s clear you have a fucking problem with that.” 

“That bitch was with him? No wonder she doesn’t like you kitten.” 

I turned, stunned and half naked. “What are you doing?” 

“Checking on you, Ruby is being replaced. Elaine is going to pick some things out for you personally.” 

“No point, I’m done Sierra.” 

“You aren’t done. You haven’t found your dress and you won’t have time after the tour starts.” 

“I’m done. I’ve tried everything in this room on and nothing was right. All she did was bring me the shit she knew I didn’t want.” 

She walked to me and her hands on my face felt warm and comforting. Even the way her thumb carefully caressed my cheek felt nice. 

“Fuck you.” 

“You need to calm down, you use to when I did this. I know you’re tired, frustrated, and you want to leave because that bitch didn’t listen to you, she didn’t care to please you and Elaine will handle her behavior when we are done. But, Elaine wants you to be happy and confident in the dress you choose. Give her a chance, if she can’t find the right one then you and I will go to every bridal store across the United States.” 

Her hands moved down my neck and across my shoulders, they were slow movements that really did calm me down. 

“Okay. But if she brings me some stupidly poofy fucking dress I am out of here.” 

“Deal. You get comfortable and we’ll pick some out while you calm down.” 

I slipped my shirt on and sat down, Elaine and Ruby removed the numerous dresses from the room and it was very clear that Ruby had been yelled at because she didn’t even look at me. But, fuck if she treated all her clients like she did me, how was she expecting to succeed here? 

_You sent Sierra here…didn’t you?_

**_I may have mentioned you needed back up. My mom is very nice and Abby wouldn’t want to make her mad or upset her. Sierra wouldn’t care what either of them said. Take it she laid down the law?_ **

_I’m still here…she’s the only reason I am. I don’t know whether to thank you yet or not tho._

**_;-) you can thank me when you get home._ **

_I change a billion times and you get to sit on your butt all day! I’ll be tired._

**_Pretty sure I can sway you when you get here._ **

_I don’t know…I met your former booty call…_

**_You cannot be mad about her! She was like the second person…_ **

_Not mad at you. Long as you *never* see her again ;- )_

**_Not a problem, I’ll go think of creative ways to make you untired and then very tired when you get home…I am sure you’ll find the right one. *kisses*_ **

I sent him a kisses emoticon and waited, Elaine came in with a helper who had three other dresses. 

“You’re friend said no poof whatsoever. So, all of these are A-lines and mermaids with no poof.” 

The first two were more a-lines, they were form fitting but pretty plain, Abby and Diane liked them but Sierra didn’t show any emotion. She tried a few more but one had way too many details, but it fit well. She brought me a Maggie Sottero dress, that was form fitting all the way down, it dipped very low in the back though and the details were all over the dress. It got 3 smiles though and while they all loved it, I felt indifferent. The second Maggie dress she brought was a little different the back wasn’t as low, but the detailing was still so extensive. These two felt very busy to be, but everyone else liked it. 

Abby totally said I should bring that one home and since everyone agreed I just went along with it. I was tired and hungry and just wanted to go home. I was tired of seeing dresses and while I thought having Diana here would help, she was very agreeable with Abby. Elaine followed me to the back and was unclamping the back when she looked at me through the mirror. 

“I’ve been doing this thirty years and I can see it written all over your face, this is not the dress you want. Is it?” 

“They all love it and I’m tired, hungry and I just want to go home.” 

“They love it, but do you?” 

“It’ll do.” 

She finished unsnapping and removing this one but before I could put my normal clothes back on she paused me. 

“You want your wedding to be memorable, if this is not the dress you like, I’m not talking about your friends and family, I mean you. If _you_ do not love it, then I’m not going to ring you up.” 

“It’s fine, really.” 

She just looked at me. “What about this do you not like? What do you like?” 

“I like that the top has details, but it’s just too busy for me. There’s designs all the way down to the end and I just..I think it’s too much. Ironically, I wanted the mermaid style or a-line but I haven’t liked the way it feels so tight around my hips and legs. I can barely walk in them and you aren’t making them that tight.” 

She appraised me a moment. “You are doing winter right?” 

“Yes. I mean I wanted something with sleeves too, but we are inside.” 

“How much do you trust me?” 

“More than I do Ruby.” 

“Give me one more dress, you don’t even have to go out there if you don’t want too. If you don’t like it then we can schedule you to come back when you have time. I’ll even do middle of the night if you have too, I don’t want you to just settle.” 

I considered it and she had a point, if I settled then months from now I’d just hate it. “Okay.” 

She gathered all but the last one and left, I felt like it was taking forever before she finally came back in with bag and just by what I saw I felt different, almost like it was calling my name. She wouldn’t let me look in the mirror as I put it on and she fixed it in the back. 

“This has a bodysuit that can be purchased, it’ll fit under the top and has sleeves with details that match the top, you can wear it during the ceremony and pictures and then take it off so you don’t get too hot.” 

She adjusted and fixed the dress before she had me turn around, eyes closed. She then fixed the bottom before she let me open my eyes. I really was speechless. She retrieved that body suit and just held it up over my arm and because I couldn’t find a single flaw with it, I knew it was right. 

“Is this better?” 

“It’s perfect. It’s the one I want and I don’t care what they say.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes, for once I am absolutely sure.” 

“Okay. This is the ivory version, do you want this color?” 

“Does it comes in white?” 

“Yes, I like the white version better myself.” 

“Do you have one here?” 

“I do but it’s in a plus size, it would be way too big on you.” 

“I just want to see it.” 

“Okay.” 

She retrieved it and I was absolutely sure this was the dress I wanted. I didn’t even look at the price tag until after I had signed the receipt. Hopefully when he saw that total he still wanted to proceed with his plan! She also went ahead and got measurements but we’d do another appointment in December. 

I finally walked to the front where they were waiting. 

“Took you long enough. Sierra had to leave, she was going back to the studio.” Abby said. 

“I had to do the paperwork and she went ahead and got measurements because I won’t be able to come back because we have the tour. Everything is set. I figured she would leave before I was done.” 

Diana smiled and we left the bridal shop. “My son sent me a message and said not to feed you. He apparently has cooked dinner.” 

“Interesting.” 

Given that Walker had fixed their dinner she dropped me off out front and I went up to the apartment, I knew something was amidst when I opened the door because the apartment was completely dark except for this table that was set up behind the couch, it had candles and rose petals. 

“Zachary?” I asked. 

He seemed to come from the kitchen and I hadn’t even seen him! 

“Welcome home.” 

“Since when did we get a table? What is that smell?” 

“Spaghetti might be your favorite, but I wanted something different. So, I went with a salmon, green beans, rice, and a salad.” 

I blinked at him, he had gone all out. He even lead me to the table, which was a cherry wood color, just big enough for two. 

“This wasn’t here when I left.” 

“I know, I wanted something romantic and the couch and the counter wouldn’t cut it. So, I went and purchased a table. It can be repurposed if and when we move out of here.” 

I really had to give him credit, the salmon was perfect and everything was perfect. The atmosphere, the little rose petals, and even the smell was just right. He cleared the plates but wouldn’t let me get up just yet and I found out why, he’d gotten cake. Chocolate heaven cake. 

“You know you’ll never live this down right?” 

“It just means I’ll have to try harder.” 

The cake was super sweet but so good, yet eating made me very sleepy. He took the dishes to the kitchen and when he returned he leaned down and kissed my cheek before he put the blindfold over my eyes. 

“I’m beginning to wonder what’s up here.” 

He got my hand and had me follow him, clearly to the bedroom and then the bathroom. Once I was standing here he proceeded to remove my clothes, placing kisses as he went until I was completely undressed. 

I felt kisses to my neck. “Step into the tub, but don’t sit down yet.” 

I let him guide me because I couldn’t see and the water in the tub was warm, felt a little oily which meant he’d probably added some of the bath oil I had. The bathroom felt cool and I didn’t detect any bright lights, I stood there a moment and inhaled, smelled like roses. I felt him get in behind me and sit down, then brought me down into the warm water. 

“What did you do with my husband?” 

“I can be quite romantic when I need to be.” 

He finally removed the blindfold and I blinked. There were dozens of candles everywhere, rose petals and scent oils that made it smell like roses. 

“Clearly you thought of a way to make me untired and then very tired, I believe is what you said.” 

“I know that trying on stuff is horrible, hate when people style us. Did you find the dress or will you be going back?” 

I leaned back against his chest, let his arms come around me. “I did, still certain you have no problem with the cost?” 

“Depends, does this elusive dress make you happy?” 

“Yes.” 

“Did it feel right to you?” 

“Yes.” 

His left hand moved down some. “Does it make you feel beautiful?” 

I nodded oddly wanting that hand to keep moving down. I felt warm air circle my neck as his hand moved down where I wanted it, right over me. 

“Does it make you feel sexy?” 

“Yes.” 

I felt a finger slip between the folds, finding their destination really quickly, followed by a slight nip to my ear. 

“Then I don’t care how much it costs because it makes you very happy. I’ll just nag Abby for details.” 

I smiled some and turned to him, but that finger was making words a bit hard to think of. 

“She never saw it.” 

“Surely Sierra did then.” 

I shook my head no. “No one but me and I’m not going to tell you.” 

His lips found mine but that hand and that finger kept moving, so much that I forgot I was tired. The other hand came up, finding nipples and those little bites to my neck were just making me forget a lot of things. I completely melted when he moved his hand down a bit, slipping a finger inside me. That moan was completely needed, but when I went to close my legs his legs moved quickly to keep them parted. 

“No, no. This is better.” 

“So mean..” 

Yet I could feel him against my back and his movements caused me to move some, which was helping him. I was getting very close when he stopped and I turned to him, but he just prompted me to turn completely around. Not entirely a bad thing because that put him inside me and not against me. It certainly was not the first time we’d had sex in the tub, it was the first time in this particular position, it felt amazing. 

I was rather glad at some point the water had drained out, made laying there on his chest afterwards a little easier. 

“Mm, I told you I’d find a way.” 

I nipped his neck. “You really think I cared about changing a billion times, please. But, you are a closet romantic.” 

“How about we actually get a shower, I feel oil all over me.” 

“That could be interesting.” 

“I can totally do that in the morning, oil you up really well..I have all day to do that too.” 

We finally motivated ourselves to get up and shower and then get in the bed. It wouldn’t be long before I’d be in a bunk above him again for months. I would enjoy the time spent snuggled up with him between now and then. 


	37. Best Night of my Life

POV: Zac

  

August 30, 2008 

I was glad that Sierra and Gabby were getting along well, they weren’t perfect by any means but they were talking and Sierra had seen her draw those canvases. It was a positive impact because Sierra was supportive of her drawing but she was good at pointing out a problem without making it seem overly negative. 

Sierra’s birthday had been Thursday and we presented her with cake and presents and she invited us to her actual party tonight, Stella and Nicole had already made plans and my brothers were wimps and wouldn’t go without them. Carrick and Austin were also not attending. 

I was currently just laying beside Gabby, she had stayed up later looking at different wedding ideas. I finally got up and went to fix breakfast, she came walking through about thirty minutes later. Hair flying everywhere, shirt slightly twisted. 

“Why did you get up?” 

“Breakfast? Why?” 

“You moved and I was comfortable.” 

“Sorry. We can lay back down after food.” 

“I’m taking that offer.” 

“You feel okay? You’re face is kind of red.” 

“I was laying on that side, I feel okay just tired.” 

I finished up breakfast and we ate there at the new table, which really was a great idea. Because it allowed me to look at her when we were talking and not have to strain our necks to do so. After we ate we did lay back down, I didn’t go back to sleep but I was perfectly fine to lay here and be used as a pillow. Tour started next week and I knew that we wouldn’t get this time because there was barely any breaks this go round. 

It was about one when she stretched and sat up. Hair still sticking up everywhere still. 

“I must have been tired.” 

“Must have. It’s a good thing though because sleep won’t come as easy once we’re on the road. Get a good stash up now.” 

She smiled. “Wouldn’t do me any good, I’d still be tired.” 

“What time are we due to Sierra’s friends house?” 

“Party starts at 6ish, I told her we’d grab dinner first and then be there. Probably fix it here, so we can use up some of the stocked items.” 

“They’re not doing any food or snacks?” 

She sat up. “They’ll have stuff out like chips and stuff, but I wouldn’t eat anything put out.” 

“Why not?” 

“Her friend use to make us brownies laced with weed. Sierra said she hadn’t done drugs in a few years, realized it was killing her career instead of helping it. But, it doesn’t mean her friend won’t make them for the others there. My advice would be unless it’s chips or something you physically open yourself, don’t eat anything. The brownies may look good but a fan post about you overdosing won’t be good.” 

“Uh…exactly what kind of party is this?” 

“Aside from the potential drugs, normal.” 

It wasn’t comforting that there would be drugs at all, but if Sierra was clean then there was a chance that there won’t be. But, Sierra had said a lot of people that Gabby hung out with back then would be there, I wanted to get a better idea of how these people were and how she was back then. 

“What are you wearing?” 

“My bathing suit and a cotton slip over dress, same thing you should.” 

“Bathing suit?” I asked. 

“Yes, don’t you own swim trunks? You have family members with pools, the complex here has one.” 

“I never had time to use their pools, I don’t own a pair of swim trunks.” 

“Well, that won’t do. We can run and get you a pair, we have time.” 

“Why? I doubt I’ll get in the pool.” 

She smiled at me, that was pretty much my clue that I’d be getting in the pool. So, once we were up, changed and ready we headed to the mall. We did need some things for traveling and to clean the apartment with so it wasn’t a total waste of time. 

Gabby tried her best to find the tightest pair of swim trunks she could, but I stuck with ones that would be looser, going with a dark blue pair that had white details where the seams were. She pouted but I wasn’t wearing anything that tight or revealing. We made it back home and while I went through some of the cabinets she made dinner. We accomplished things which was important. We had dinner and then got ready, I wore the swims trunks with a darker t-shirt. 

I didn’t know Gabby even owned a swimsuit, I’d never seen one. It terrified me that given how her closet was before that the one she had would be super revealing. Yet, when she came out of the bathroom I was surprised that her suit was really decent. It was black mostly, the bottom had a full coverage with a thick blue band across the waist, giving her more coverage. The top looked like a bra to me but the ties around her neck and the single strap said it wasn’t. It was also black and the cups were trimmed in blue. Even though she was covered, I foreseen this being a long night. 

“I have a bag of dry clothes for us both and a towel each. I’m not sure if they’ll have many or if we’ll need them.” 

“You may.” 

She slipped a black sleeveless dress over her suit and wore flip flops, simplistic. She looked gorgeous. We left the apartment at 6:30 and arrived about 7. 

Sierra’s friend had a huge three story brick house, the upper floors didn’t have many lights on but I presumed there were bedrooms and bathrooms up there. The lot was also quite huge and there were no neighbors that I could see. Most of the front yard had cars parked in it, so we found a parking spot. 

“Remember, don’t eat anything unless you open it.” 

“I won’t.” 

“You are aware that a few of my exes will be here, right?” 

“Exes?” 

“James and Daniel for sure, maybe others.” 

I leaned over and kissed her. “As long as they don’t try anything we’ll be fine.” 

I could hear the music outside, sounded like there was a full blown DJ here! We walked to the house where Gabby just walked inside and I followed, this was most definitely no party I’d ever been to. There were dozens of women walking around in bathing suits, no shoes, some of the suits I questioned if they were actual suits or more strings. I mean, they weren’t leaving much to the imagination! The guys were mostly topless in various colors and styles of swim trunks, including some very tight ones that left nothing to the imagination. 

I found I felt really out of place, I’d always been fairly good at social settings but this was completely different than anything I’d ever attended. Two girls by the door looked as we came in, then did a double take, shit had they recognized me?! 

“Skye? Is that you?” the black haired girl asked. 

“There is only one of me Janet.” 

“Damn girl, where the hell have you been? It’s been like years.” Blondie said. 

“I’ve been around, haven’t really been hanging with people here Ashley.” 

They apparently didn’t know me, but I could feel the looks and could follow their eyes as it washed over every inch of my body. I wondered if this was how the women I’d looked at felt, like a piece of meat! 

“Who is your little boy toy? I haven’t seen him around at all, I really wouldn’t mind seeing more.” Janet said. 

Janet was pretty, black hair and bright green eyes that I think were color changing contacts. Yet, Gabby moved into her line of sight, not that I minded the view of her backside at all. Janet took a bit of a step back away from her. 

“You don’t want to piss me off, you also won’t be seeing anymore of him. I mean, you were there when I beat her ass.” 

She glanced at me for a second, ran her tongue across her lips. “No, I wouldn’t. But, he is very nice and if you ever want to share, you know where to find me.” 

“I won’t be sharing.” 

Gabby’s tone spoke that this girl had clearly shared with her before, probably not asking first. Janet and Ashley both gave her a smile and then walked off, she took my hand and lead me into the lion’s den. There were a lot of people here dancing to the too loud music, sure I noticed the other women here, who wouldn’t? They wore next to nothing and I don’t see how they felt comfortable, given the number of men eyeing them. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea, because while Gabby was still covered they would surely look at her too. 

I noticed a few of the women started my way, saw where my hand was and who held it and then stopped, was she that well known to this bunch? They won’t even approach me because she had my hand. 

“Skyebell! You made it!” 

He came from nowhere it seemed and he, unlike the girls, didn’t notice me at all. That was until I politely removed his hand from her ass, only then did he look at me. 

“And you brought someone with you.” 

“Hi, I’m Zac. Her husband.” 

“Daniel, ex lover.” 

“We had sex once Daniel, didn’t make it that special.” 

Ouch! She was brutal with him. He seemed to measure me up and I kept my eyes on him. 

“Once is enough when it comes to you. When did you get married though? I thought you never wanted that, I mean you told Newton you never did and he asked.” 

“November, there were reasons I said no to him. Any idea where Sierra is?” 

“Last time I saw her she was in a deep conversation with Tera, I assumed about you since she mentioned her kitten a few times. She only called you that but no reason on why.” 

I grinned knowing exactly why and I’d heard that purr myself. 

“It wasn’t any of your business why.” 

She then walked away with me following, she got us drinks and handed one to me. 

“You look a little uncomfortable, figured you could use a calming drink.” 

“It’s…different.” 

She smiled. “I bet it is. But you’re okay right?” 

“Yeah. I guess when you mentioned pools I didn’t quite expect everyone to be in bathing suits.” 

“It’s a pool party honey, what else would you wear?” 

“So…am I to assume that no one here will know who I am?” 

“They know of the band but most remember you as eleven and dorky. They’d never expect you to be this hot.” 

“Hot? I think you’re confused.” 

“I’m not. There looking at you like you’re prey too, so obviously they like what they see. I would avoid the last name though. I really don’t want to stomp anyone’s ass.” 

We finished two drinks before she got me to dance, roam around and meet people, most knowing her name and some even being flirty. Like Rick, who asked her to come to a room with me standing right beside her. It was good that I wasn’t known, but there was a part of me that felt very uncomfortable here, sure we partied in Los Angeles and New York, but they were nothing like this. Yet, Gabby seemed to be enjoying her time here and she had been so patient with me, I kept my discomfort to myself. 

The random guy that spun her around nearly got hit by me though. 

“Skye it’s so nice to see you and know you are okay.” He said. 

“Get your hands off of me.” Gabby snapped. 

He let her down and moved back kind of shocked by her tone and then he saw me. I’d moved a little bit in front of her. 

“I’m Zac, her husband. You are?” 

“James, an ex. Um, when did you get married Skye?” 

“November.” 

She was curt with him, straight forward and after a brief conversations about him not thinking she would change he finally moved away. 

“You didn’t like him.” 

“I’m clearly overdosing on something and his first reaction was to try to get me in bed, then he called Sierra.” 

“I wouldn’t talk either then.” 

We danced for a couple of hours, had several more drinks and I was finding the uncomfortable feeling was kind of going away. About nine we went outside and there was this very huge pool, it was like two Olympic size pools in one. Three diving boards! Three!!!! 

The moment her dress was off, I noticed the shift in attention. She jumped right in but I stuck to the side of the pool, letting my feet just dangle in the cool water. Gabby looked graceful as she swam side to side, the water parting around her and swirling behind her. A few girls swam with her and they talked but about an hour later she swam over to me, that really wasn’t a view I needed, the water lightly splashing up that cleavage. 

“Are you not getting in at all?” 

“I am fine sitting here watching you.” 

“But, it’s not fun without you.” 

“You are doing fine.” 

She stayed here with me a bit and I noticed that the mood was changing, the music wasn’t quite as electric, was a little more subdued. 

“Is there a DJ here?” 

“No, but I’m sure one made the playlist. Sound system is hooked up to a computer somewhere.” 

“So…if I were to hunt for a bathroom, where would I find one?” 

She giggled. “Second floor, there is access from that deck right there. Once you get in the hallway turn right, fourth door. If that’s got a huge line, the stairs are to the left and there are a few on the third floor.” 

“Will you be okay?” I asked. 

She smiled. “Sierra is standing on the deck, no one will mess with me. They know how she is.” 

I got up and followed her directions, there was carpet inside so my slightly damp feet weren’t bad. I did end up on the third floor, the bathroom was pretty generic for such a big house but the two other doors I’d opened had bedrooms and they were nicely done. Once my hands were clean I started back down the hallway to head back out. 

“Zac?” 

I turned and saw Tera just down the hallway. She was wearing next to nothing but I diverted my eyes to her face. 

“You’re here with Skye right?” 

“Right. You’re Tera, right?” 

“Yeah. Good to meet you actually, I won’t tell anyone your last name. I really didn’t believe her.” 

“Thank you. Yeah, it’s real.” 

She held a light conversation, didn’t really come on to me which was nice. It was mostly how we met and how she was doing since her overdose, which I held back the comments that directed the blame at her too. 

“Do you like Smarties?” 

“The candy? Who doesn’t?” 

She held out a small cylindrical tube which had several of the multicolored candies inside. 

“Have one, brought them to keep my sugar up. Don’t eat the brownies though.” 

“Gabby warned me not to eat anything.” 

I took the package, they were still sealed all the way around so once we split up I ate them on the way outside. I was noticing a bit of a change in the party, a lot of people were still dancing but they were also doing a lot of touching and kissing. I went back to the pool, where Gabby was sitting on the edge. There was some guy standing in front of her though, but she was just listening to him blubber about his swim meet last week at school, his overly soupped up car, the big house. 

I sat down beside her and he glanced at me. “Who are you?” 

“He’s my husband London, his name is Zac.” She said. 

“Hey, he can join.” 

“I can join what? If you think I’m sharing, you are very wrong.” 

“No fun.” 

He was clearly a bit drunk but he moved away. “Did you find the bathroom okay?” 

“Third floor I did.” 

“Yeah, people forget there is one there.” 

“So…you are noticing a difference here right? I mean…I think that couple over there under the deck might be aiming for a lot more than just that heavy make out session.” 

She glanced over and smiled. “It’s James and Janet, he keeps glancing at me like it’s going to bother me. I couldn’t care a less.” 

“Why would he glance at you?” 

She leaned over. “He thinks I want to join him, but I have no reason to. Especially when I know what I have is far better.” 

I felt the slight blushing, but she got back in the water and I sat and watched, glanced around and it was clear this party was not winding down but by the number of people that were engaged in very heavy make out sessions, I was wondering exactly what it was turning into. I mean, I’ve never been to an orgy and given the number of people here I wasn’t sure I wanted too! 

I was fine for a bit but then I did begin to feel very warm and this strange feeling was coming over me. The water around my feet felt colder, smoother as it slide around my feet and legs. But the warmer feeling caused me to slide into the water and swim my way over to Gabby. I felt a little rush of energy too, maybe the sugary candy was kicking in. 

“I thought you weren’t getting in.” 

“Changed my mind. I was getting a little hot.” 

“Sure that the couple having sex behind you wasn’t the problem?” 

I turned back and sure enough there was a couple there, over in the corner Janet had lost her suit too and it was clear why she preferred me, her lips on my neck felt softer than usual. 

“Or you could keep watching them, I didn’t know that was a fetish of yours.” 

I turned back. “No..just…none of the parties I’ve been to have ended with that.” 

“We can go home.” 

“I’m okay, really.” 

The cool water did help cool me off a bit, after swimming around a bit I found a seat against the edge, they had a cleft all the way around, perfect height for sitting. I was feeling slightly nausea, but wasn’t sure why. Gabby sat down beside but she was lower in the water on purpose. 

The water felt more like cool gel as it slid across my skin, the shirt was irritating me though and hell everyone else was shirtless! Gabby looked at me strangely when I took it off and laid it behind me. 

“You feel okay there?” 

“Yeah, just it was bothering me.” 

I was finding that things felt different, the concrete for instance felt rougher than normal, the shorts against my body felt odd, even her foot against my leg. The music sounded crisper, clearer, and just overall better. 

I was comfortable but felt movement behind me and then a few moments later there were long slender legs over my shoulders, they were tanned and the toes had hot pink nail polish. 

“Hey babe, you looked lonely sitting here.” 

I made the mistake of leaning my head back, which laid against her abdomen and it gave me a rather clear view of the breast she had, no top at all. Long blonde hair hung down her shoulders, straight as a board. But then I felt something on the sides of my thighs and then hands moved my head. 

“He’s not lonely, I was sitting right beside him. What are you doing?” 

I felt her hands on my shoulders, but they felt way too hot and uncomfortable, this girl felt wrong. 

“Hoping to help him a little. You can join, I don’t think he’ll mind.” 

I started to look up but a hand on top of my head kept my eyes focused instead on the smooth skin of her legs, ones I knew very well. Water droplets were sliding down her inner thighs and I was suddenly entranced by the way it glided over her skin. 

“He doesn’t need your help Emily. He has me. Now get your legs away from him and put some damn clothes on.” 

The arms and legs moved away from me and a brief glanced shows the same blonde walking back toward the house and yeah, she was naked. There was not a shred of clothing covering her ass. 

“You’re eyes better not be on her.” 

I slid my hands up her legs, feeling the strength of the muscles and the smoothness of her skin, the softness. I followed my hands up until I was looking up at her. 

“She’s not you.” 

I pulled her down gently, because I didn’t want her falling backwards, she settled in my lap, the familiar weight on my legs felt a little heavier, felt tighter around my thighs. Her hands on my shoulders didn’t feel hot, they felt cool and tingly. They slid around my neck and she put her forehead against mine. 

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine.” 

“Are you sure? We can go home if you want too.” 

I liked the sound of her voice but I didn’t want to talk, I wanted my hands on her, my lips, so I slightly moved and her lips felt way softer, sweeter. I let my hands move around to her back, could feel the subtle changes where muscles were but when I slipped my hand down the top of her bottom onto her ass she pulled back a bit. 

“Feeling a little comfortable aren’t we?” 

I just pulled her to me, recaptured those lips. I could hear people behind me, could at times, see couple across from the pool and even in the pool, but my focus was her. Not that she seemed to mind the make out session in the pool. I kept my hands on her ass though, one inside the suit one outside. I was finding her fingertips to be electric, each place they touched tingled. The feeling of her body against mine felt wonderful, I just wished the suit wasn’t there, it felt scratchy against my chest. 

I moved my hand to her inner thigh, heard the soft little sigh and it was followed by a gasp when my fingers slipped inside the suit, finding my destination quickly, making slow circles around the clit wanting to warm her to the idea. She felt so smooth and the water was helping some, the cool sensations and the moving water. 

“You are feeling comfortable.. if I didn’t know better I’d..oh… say all the noise around you are affecting you.” 

I pressed my lips to her neck, slight sucking pressure. “It’s not the noises, it’s all you.” 

I kept the kisses to those lips going, sometimes moving to her neck where I could suck or bite on the tender flesh there. I kept my fingers moving slightly in circles, letting the cool water rush over the warm flesh. Her hands were holding onto my arms for support and the little low moans were delectable. I adjusted slightly and it let me move my hand back and slip a finger in to her, which caused another moan. 

“I think…home..” 

“Why? Here is fine.” 

“Least…fuck…inside.” 

She felt soft, velvety even and this wasn’t the first time I’d done this but I felt little ripples, little folds, how wet she was inside. The water wasn’t allowing her arousal to show outside. I didn’t care about going inside, so I kept on with what I was doing. Moving up to two fingers and hearing her cuss a bit, two felt nice and I felt the slight rocking motion of her hips. I was about to move to three when her hand moved mine away. 

“Why are you stopping me?” 

“I would like to go inside or home.” 

“Here is fine.” 

Her lips met mine the same time her hand rubbed across the erection I’d had for some time now. 

“But there are people who know you and as much as I want to fuck you right here, right now. I don’t want any more pictures of you fucking women on the internet. We are going inside or we can stop.” 

“I wouldn’t care.” 

“I do, come on.” 

She adjusted me so it wasn’t as evident before she got up and stepped out. There was no way I was going to deny that I’d go wherever she wants, so I got up too. She grabbed my shirt and then our bag and shoes and waited on me, taking my hand to lead me to the stairs going up to the deck. I followed, watching the way her hips moved in front of me, I couldn’t resist once she was on the deck so I pulled her to me. Those lips were irresistible, still tasted as sweet. 

“Here could work.” 

Her free hand landed rather hard on my ass. “Not here, being so bad tonight.” 

I pouted some, here or there, I wanted more now. She headed inside though and I followed, again stairs and that sway but I was glad she chose the first available door to the left and once I was inside she closed it and I heard the click of the door and the thump of the bag when she dropped it. 

She didn’t make me wait long before she her hands were undoing the tie holding my suit on. Her hands moved just under the edge of the suit and moved around my side, the sensation sent a rush of electricity through me. The wet trunks fell to the floor pretty quickly and her bathing suit joined it right after. I was right, having her body against me without that suit was totally different, the softness of her breast against my chest and the way she felt. Each place her lips touched felt better than the last, it didn’t help they were trailing down my chest. 

The feeling of her fingertips on the sac was nearly enough to make me want to sit down it was so intense, yet it paled to the feeling of her tongue as she came up the underside of my dick. The sensation was just so strong that I felt mildly weak in the knees. 

“Fuck, that feels incredible.” 

Yet all I could do was moan when that tongue swirled around the head and especially when she moved down and the back of her throat rubbed against the head. I was really enjoying the way she touched me, the massages to the sac, the occasional feeling of her nails sliding down my thigh. 

I glanced down to watch and realized that she was fingering herself, it wasn’t the first time she had but the words just tumbled from my lips. 

“That is so fucking hot, watching you do that.” 

I slightly detected the confused look because I’d never said anything about liking it. It was much longer before that wasn’t enough, but I didn’t want something we’ve been doing. She trailed her kisses back up but instead of letting her move I moved her to the bed, laying her down on her stomach as I kneeled on either side of her thighs, letting my own cock rest on her ass. 

To make sure I dipped my own fingers into her, feeling the wetness and knowing she was more than ready. She barely had her hips up which allowed me to angle perfectly and slid in easily. She felt tighter in this position but it felt like the head of my cock was feeling her for the first time. The tightness, the way she felt inside was different, each sensations seemed as intense as the other. The moan was music to my ears. 

“Fuck, that feels quite…fuck..” 

I moved forward some, different angle and it allowed me to place kisses across her shoulders and her neck. 

“You like this?” 

I pushed my hips forward, going deeper and she answered with what I think was a moan that was yes. She felt very different, that softness of her ass against my abdomen and the coolness of the comforter against my legs. I moved kind of slow at first, liking all the new sensations. The way she felt against me, the way my cock felt every little pulse and ripple. She really responded well, lifting her shoulders up some which let me reach her neck, those lips. 

“Fuck, feels incredible.” She managed. 

I could roll my hips some in this position and she was fine with the slower pace but when I got a bit faster she yelped. It wasn’t the best for anything quick, but adjusting so she was on her knees helped solve that. By that point talking wasn’t required. I could indulge in her likes, the popping in this positions. I found the sound and sight of her ass turning red was so much more arousing now. I was finding that every moment felt stronger, more sensual and even more animalistic. She felt tighter to me, the way her inner walls gripped and tightened around me was something I hadn’t noticed before. The way she moaned my name often was just better. Even watching as I slide in and out of her body at a rapid pace was stronger in feelings. Her orgasm came fairly quickly in this position and those walls tightened around me and I could feel the pulsing so much better. 

I let her lay down a moment and I took the time to just appreciate her, letting her breath and I leaned down and placed kisses on her back, down and over those nice red spots. 

“You keep doing that you’re going to put me to sleep.” 

I sunk my teeth into the right cheek, heard the yelp. “I won’t let you go to sleep, oh no. I’m nowhere near done with you. I’ll have you screaming my name and waking everyone up.” 

I glanced up and she looked back at me. “You can try, but this is a big house.” 

I flipped her quickly and even slid her to me, much to her surprise, putting her right against me and I slid into her easily, causing her to gasp some. She still felt tight and when I leaned over I brought her legs with me, allowed for a really good penetration position, deep and filling. 

“Son of a bitch.” 

I leaned my head down and captured a nipple and slightly nibbled. I started rather slow again, but I got great depth and I was sure I was bottoming out. At some point I let her legs fall back to my waist, because I wanted those lips more and the legs were in the way! It didn’t really stop the depth or speed, but being able to capture those lips or have those nails drag down my back or arms was better. Adding to the already sensory overload. She came with me the second time, that pulsing and tightness added to the very strong orgasm that coursed through my veins as well. The scream may not have woken the entire house, but it was more than enough for me. 

I didn’t want to let her go, which I didn’t. Even when I moved off of her, she came with me to her side so I could just hold her close to me. The sensation were coming down, the fuzzyheaded feeling I’d had that first intense orgasm with her use of the prostate overtook me. She was breathing rapidly and she’d actually laid her leg over my hip. 

I really didn’t remember falling asleep, but I obviously did.


	38. Bruises and Shocks

POV: Zac

  

August 31, 2008 

I knew I was in a strange bed, in a strange room, with a wicked ass headache and this sick feeling. There was bright sunlight filtering through the curtains of the room, which thankfully were closed still. I groaned and moved a bit, felt a leg beside me and I turned. Gabby was sitting there, still naked, propped up on pillows looking at her phone. 

“Good morning.” 

I groaned and she laid the phone to the side and slid down beside me. Her lips felt soft and gentle on my cheek, then my forehead. 

“You don’t sound like you’re fine.” 

“I have a bad headache.” 

“Oh, when you get up that won’t be the only thing hurting.” 

“What time is it?” 

“It’s almost noon actually.” 

I was going to get up but the movement made me feel very sick so I laid back down. “I think I drank too much.” 

Which was odd, since I didn’t feel like I did drink that much really. Her hand came over my waist and she got a little closer. She could not be wanting sex now, I really don’t think my body could do that! 

“You didn’t drink too much.” 

I looked at her confused. “Everything was…I don’t know. Different.” 

“When you came inside did you get anything to eat or drink?” 

“No.” 

“Did anyone give you anything?” 

“Tera gave me smarties, the sugary candy. They were sealed still it’s the only reason I bothered to eat them.” 

She didn’t look too happy about that but she kissed me. “Not all of them were smarties.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“She gave you ecstasy. Tera is fond of giving away candy like that, but with her at least one is not a candy. Those wrappers are easy to open and reseal.” 

I blinked, clearly I misunderstood that. There was no way she gave me some drug. Ecstasy was something I’d definitely heard about, I mean hell Carrick had done it a long time ago. But, it was candy! 

“You have to be kidding me. Why the fuck would she give that to me?” 

“I’m not kidding. I thought something was off when you got in the pool, again when you took the shirt off. You’re more than willing to do anything in the pool told me you’d gotten a hold of something. It’s why I said come inside, because I didn’t know what. I can’t answer the second question without asking her. But, she doesn’t much care how it affects someone.” 

The enhanced sensations kind of made sense now. “I’ll be okay right? Like they weren’t all the same?” 

“One maybe two usually are, given you aren’t freaked out and you didn’t stay awake for like three days I am going to assume you got a really low dose of it. I’m sure in a few days everything will wear off. Now, you may have some bruises, scratches, maybe some sickness too. “ 

“Do I even want to know where we are?” 

“We’re still at Sierra’s friend, third floor. Sierra is downstairs actually and most of the guest are gone but a few like us that found rooms.” 

“Is that normal?” 

“Very, this is actually not the room I usually went too.” 

“Why didn’t you go there?” 

She smiled and kissed me. “Because you aren’t someone I planned to leave the next day. I came to the third floor because no one is allowed up here but a very select few.” 

“Are you one of those few?” 

“Yep.” 

“Why do you say bruises and scratches?” 

She tilted my head to my arm where a really long scratch mark was. 

“You have more and I’m betting if my thighs are bruised, yours are too.” 

“But you’re okay?” 

I got another kiss. “Yes.” 

She followed it with another several dozen and I couldn’t deny that I rather liked that. We finally got up about one and got showered, the room had everything we needed and she was right, I was definitely sore and bruised, the hot water helped some. Gabby had brought another dress, really lose comfortable cotton one. She’s brought me shorts and a simple t-shirt with Van Halen on it. The bathing suits were put in the bag and then we tidied up and headed downstairs. 

Sierra was standing at the kitchen counter talking to a woman, she had dark maroon red hair and when she turned she had the brightest grey eyes I’d ever seen. She also wore bright red lips and a silver lip ring. 

“Good morning.” Sierra said. 

“Morning, did you do what I asked?” 

Sierra held up a slice of pizza. “Arrived five minutes ago.” 

The red haired girl looked at me. “How do you feel Zachary? I heard you had quite an experience.” 

I glanced at Gabby and then back at her. “I feel okay, thanks for asking.” 

She picked a slice of pizza up. “I should be asking Gabs here, you fucking woke me up bitch. Screaming his name, not cool.” 

Gabby walked over and put her arm around her shoulder, not in a mad way. “You told me if I didn’t cry and scream it wasn’t good, I did both. Guess it was that damn good.” 

“Well, next time chose a room not next to me!” 

“I thought your room was on the far end.” 

“Changed rooms a few years ago.” 

“Well, I didn’t know that.” 

I walked over and sat down on the stool and Sierra placed a plate with pizza on it and a bottle of water in front of me. 

“Since your wife is being so rude, Zac this is Heather. She already knows your name.” 

“It’s nice to meet you.” 

She looked hurt by that and it confused me. I’d never met her before! 

“Meet me? Boy you met me when you were fourteen. I attended a show or five.” 

Gabby and Sierra both looked at her. “Fuck, you really gonna make me confess here?” 

Neither of them said a word and I wondered why, but then Heather sighed. 

“I went to the whole tour, every show. You were technically thirteen when I met you the first time, then you turned fourteen.” 

“You followed the whole tour?” 

“Every United States show, my father would not grant me permission to leave the states.” 

“Is that how you knew my name before anyone said it?” 

“It is. Gabs, get your damn plate and sit down.” 

She came around me and Sierra served her the same thing. I had to admit that hearing she went to every show was a little new and maybe frightening too. But, eating did actually help me feel more human. 

“I’m sorry Zachary, I told anyone handing out stuff that they should ask the person or at least inform them beforehand. We had a lot of non-users, myself included. I wish I had known before she left as I would have had very strong words and you can rest assured, she’ll never be invited back.” 

Sierra snorted. “Least it lead to the best sex of his life. Even I heard them fucking when I went by.” 

I felt the intense blush. I wasn’t use to girls talking about my sex life when I was here, but it reminded me of something Chase said, I was always surrounded by girls. I was now, three very nice looking ones. 

“You attended every show for real?” 

“I have the ticket’s somewhere to prove it. I was mildly obsessed but that was before my heavy metal and hair bands obsession.” 

“Admit it, the four year wait caused you to move on.” I said. 

“Pretty much…” 

“Fair warning Heather, even if you call me a bitch, you should remember what happen to that girl.” Gabby said. 

“I was there, I remember. No worries, I may have wanted to slam fuck him behind a venue but that was before I realized I wasn’t really into dudes.” 

Shit, I’d been fourteen and she wanted to do that? Maybe it was a good thing I didn’t remember her! 

“You wouldn’t even touch him!” 

“I was eighteen! It was illegal.” 

Well, that made total sense! Holy shit she was how old? 

“Don’t feel bad about the drug thing, Gabby told me not to eat anything but I didn’t think they would be anything but sugar candy. I still don’t know why she would bother.” 

I was sure that Gabby and I both noticed her head drop some, meaning she may have a clue. 

“Heather.” Gabby said. 

“Grape vine told me she kind of wanted to have sex with him and thought if he was high he wouldn’t be careful on whose bed he went too. She was rather shocked when you sent the blonde packing, he barely even noticed her. I think she just wanted a taste of you Zac.” 

“She won’t be getting that. I’m not stupid.” 

“You damn well better not be, take my kitten.” 

“Do you live here alone?” 

“Oh hell no, this is the family’s house. During the summer my parents, uncles, aunts, relatives and all stay here. I’m allowed to throw parties as long as I hire someone to clean up good. I have a studio apartment in downtown.” 

“Nice. What do you do?” 

“Well, I run a business online and I do have a brick and mortar store in town as well. I’m sure you’ve never there.” 

“Are you positive?” 

“She runs an adult store Zac, pretty sure your vanilla ass has never been there.” Sierra said. 

“Hey! My ass is not vanilla!” 

“Right now it’s more cherry than vanilla.” Gabby said. 

I blinked at her as they laughed, son of a bitch. I didn’t bother to comment and they moved on to other subjects. Heather seemed energetic, outgoing, nice and a little wild. She and Sierra seemed to be quite close but she was to Gabby as well, even if they hadn’t spent tons of time together. Heather asked for the picture and I obliged as long as the other two got in also, mostly so Gabby can post it so Chase would see it. He wouldn’t believe me otherwise. 

The living room was comfortable and nice, but I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to be the only guy here. 

“Gabs do you remember when we met?” Heather asked. 

She looked up. “How can I forget? You come driving up in your little fancy car and nearly ran me over.” 

“I was just trying to pick you up.” 

“Could have done a better job, I don’t even remember who yanked me out of the way.” 

“That would be me!” Sierra said. 

“Do you always try to run your prospective dates over?” 

“I didn’t try to run you over!” 

“Yeah, about that…when were you going to tell me about your little obsession? I mean, I knew you’d been to the shows.” Gabby asked. 

“Now, Gabriella Skye do you really want to know what I’ve done to pictures of him? Videos? Really, what I would have done?” 

I wasn’t sure I wanted to know really…but Gabby just smiled. Clearly she either had an idea or wanted to know. 

“Probably everything I get to do? Seriously, I thought you were always a lesbian.” 

“Oh hell no. I was like 20 when I discovered I preferred women over men. Zac here was my favorite but really, Taylor wasn’t bad.” 

I looked at her puzzled. “Taylor?” I asked. 

“You didn’t know your older brother was kind of a hoe?” 

Gabby giggled. “He’s aware of that. But, you slept with Taylor?” 

“Before I turned 18, yes.” 

“I won’t tell his girlfriend.” I said. 

“Please don’t, but it was a long time ago.” 

“Yeah, she’s aware of his past, she may know already.” I said. 

I think Stella would remember hair that color, but hell I didn’t remember her at all. 

“Are you ever going to tell me what you did? I’ve been waiting.” Gabby said. 

“Gabby.” I said. 

“What? I have a right to know.” 

Heather got up and moved beside her, she had no problem getting all over her so she could whisper the details into her ear, based on Gabby’s expression I didn’t want to know. 

“Would you allow that if Heather was a guy?” Sierra asked. 

I just smiled at her. “Hell no. His ass would be flat on the floor.” 

“Interesting, so I can do that the whole tour?” 

“Don’t push it.” 

“Don’t worry Zachary, she doesn’t have any attraction to me. If she did she would have saw me naked swimming around you two last night, no her sole focus was you.” 

She got up and moved away, sitting back in the chair. 

“Satisfied with her answers?” I asked. 

“Yeah, if she got to you before Crystal did, you damn sure wouldn’t be vanilla or even cherry.” 

I just shook my head, there was no way to live down vanilla apparently. 

“You guys quit picking on him. I can’t say that I blame him, I mean really Skye you didn’t let us tie you up right off the bat. You made Newton swear he would untie you as soon as you asked and then you tested him!” 

“What? You think I wanted to be that bound without some promise? Yeah right. I’m not stupid.” 

“That you never were, even I saw that.” 

“Girl! You should see her draw.” 

“Draw?” Heather asked. 

“Yes! I was on the bus last tour and I saw this drawing pad, curious I open it. Thinking it’s one of the guys or even Zac’s, I open it to nude drawings of me. So I’m wondering who the hell on that bus has seen me naked, it’s just her. She come through and asked for her tablet back.” 

“Didn’t know you drew at all.” 

“She’s quite remarkable actually, she has some paintings somewhere in town.” 

“There at the AhHa gallery.” 

“There where?” I asked. 

“There not on open display or even on a wall. There in her office and she was just going to show specific people. The Dragon however was on A-frame for like a few days.” 

I blinked and the other two looked totally stunned as well. She had a painting displayed in a gallery and didn’t tell us?! I would have gone to see it just to see it! 

“It’s not a big deal, my name wasn’t shown at all.” 

“Still that’s…big.” Heather said. 

“Draw something.” Sierra said. 

“I don’t have anything here Sierra.” 

Sierra hopped up and vanished and Gabby sighed, when she came back she had paper and pencils, not the best quality for either but it was better than nothing. Gabby accepted them, asked what to draw, which the answer was whatever. She moved to the island counter, just stood there. Hopefully it wasn’t another nude drawing! 

“Do you really feel better?” Heather asked. 

“Yeah. I can say I won’t accept anymore candy at your parties. Whatever her reason was it could have ended pretty badly, especially if we’d have left.” 

“I’ll have a talk with her.” Sierra said. 

Gabby returned when she was done and handed the paper to Heather. “It’s not naked, he would divorce my ass but it’s as close as you’ll possibly ever get.” 

I raised an eyebrow wondering what the hell she drew, clearly it was me! 

“Well, son of a bitch. You should have drew the naked ones before you married him and then mailed them to me!” 

“I have several he won’t allow out of the house.” 

Eventually she turned it around, she’d drawn a really great portrait on one side and the other side was from behind, with shorts but no shirt. 

“Send me an e-mail and I’ll do something on actual paper not printer paper.” 

“Nude?” 

“No. Not Nude.” I said. 

“Oh come on! Humor me Zachary!” 

I just shook my head, I wasn’t caving on that. They talked a little more about her drawing and eventually her brother before we headed home, I had her drive because I wasn’t entirely sure that I should drive. I didn’t feel different or anything but I didn’t want to take any chances. I was kind of glad to be away from everyone and home though. She started dinner for us while I returned calls, because my phone had been left at home. I then sat down at the counter. 

“So, aside from the drug thing, which you probably shouldn’t tell anyone about. Did you have some fun?” 

“I did, it was just very different. I’m not use to parties turning into orgy’s.” 

“They often did back then and usually sooner. But, I am sorry about what she did. If I’d known she was going to try shit I would have warned you.” 

“My fault, I shouldn’t have trusted her.” 

“Maybe next time we’ll leave before the nakedness happens and it won’t be a pool party.” 

“Next time? Yeah, let’s avoid random places. Thank you for dragging me up-stairs though.” 

“Not a problem. There uh, is something I should say.” 

I glanced up at her, her expression wasn’t concern or anything though. But she got an envelope from the junk drawer and slid it to me. 

“Sarah’s friend, her name is Debbie, she brought this by the studio Friday.” 

I opened the envelope and inside was a check written out to Gabby. Even I blinked a few times at the check’s amount. 

“Is this real?” I asked. 

“Yes. She didn’t actually price them and sell them, she auctioned them off on the website. The dragon had numerous offers even though it was stated it wasn’t for sale but for artist’s display. She even had to list it as sold to stop the offers. She started all the bids at 500.” 

“This is more than double that.” 

“Invoice is attached, the one of the river sold for nearly two thousand by itself and with the added amounts it took it to that amount. She did say she didn’t charge the normal fee for handling it because I was so new and it was an offer she made. She gave me her guide as well.” 

“Well, you know people want them. Did she say who it was?” 

“She posted the name after they were all sold. She said a few have written about custom pieces and she wasn’t sure about giving out my information.” 

“Yeah, it might be better to create an account just for that.” 

“Is that like…normal?” 

“It’s a ten thousand dollar check Gabby, it’s not bad for 6 paintings. Considering you worked pretty quickly on them all. I’ll have Dad look at her prices though because they seem a bit steep. Heather runs a website, so it’s possible she could help you set up something on your own.” 

“But, wouldn’t using a gallery get the name out there?” 

“It would, it might be better to pay her to sell them for now, and then transition to your own website later.” 

“Talk to your Dad first, make sure she’s legit on those prices.” 

“I told you people would buy them.” 

“So, you’re saying what? I shouldn’t just enjoy private Hanson shows all the time?” 

I just smiled and we had dinner. I knew she could do it, just providing her with incentives was the issues. Granted, these types of checks were not normal for the sizes she did, but it appears Debbie explained why. Added, it wouldn’t be that much if she’d taken her typical cut. But, it did seem to inspire her some. 

After dinner we sat down and created an e-mail so individuals could contact her and so Debbie had one to use as well. We laid down early because even though it was late when we woke up, we were both tired and I kind of wanted to make sure I’d be rested for this coming week of packing, loading, practicing, and arguing with my brothers! 


	39. Foals and Plans

POV: Gabby

  

September 16, 2008 

We were back on the road again, everyone had settled into a comfortable state really quickly, but given that we’d all been on the bus before and we were comfortable with each other. It was better that Sierra and I weren’t at each other’s throats as well. 

The only thing I wasn’t liking was that they had scheduled a lot of promo type deals, radio and interviews, which means even if they didn’t have a show to attend they were gone most of the day anyway. Which put me alone with the crew a lot more than I was use to from previous tours. Like now, I was sitting in the front anticipating a lunch date that I was sure wouldn’t happen because the schedule in front of me said he wouldn’t even be back until 2, there was a walk at 3 and then sound check. So, odds are we wouldn’t be having lunch together at all. That was confirmed at 10 when he sent me the message saying to go ahead because they were running late. 

About 11 Carrick sat down across from me. “You look a bit down.” 

“Not the same tour really, least to me.” 

“Less promo last time means more time with you, but you know he loves you Gabs. It’s just a few months and then you get to have him all to yourself.” 

“Just sucks, not use to not having him around all the time. I could have gone with them but they left at like 4 am.” 

“Yeah, they left early. What are you working on?” 

I glanced down at the drawing before me, wasn’t really anything specific. “I think I was aiming for a field scene but failed.” 

“Zac said you had some requests?” 

“We chose to allow Debbie to continue even with her fairly steep fees. I promised her another set when we get back. But there were two that e-mailed me directly, they wanted something smaller to accompany the one they bought.” 

“Like side pieces?” 

“Yeah, they have this small wall in the room, it’s blank right now but they want something related. They purchased the drawing of the horses in the field. They want something to represent their kids and themselves, so I asked about doing foals for one and then two adults for the other one. They liked it. Sent me pictures of the horses they actually own.” 

“Nice.” 

“They live in Columbus, so they’re picking them up from me.” 

“Best get to work.” 

“I plan to tonight a bit, because we’re unloaded and we’re about to set up. After that I am pretty useless until we break down.” 

“Well, there is a really nice vegan place about half a mile from here, how about we go grab lunch and then we can set up.” 

“Works for me.” 

We got up and Sierra ended up joining us, the place was pretty good even for a non-vegan, they had really good salads. I even tried the tofu which wasn’t that bad. When we got back everyone pitched in and got the stage set up done and got the instruments set up. Usually now I played the drums and tweaked the tuning while Sierra made sure the wires were connected properly. By 2 we were all set up and I even planned the route for them today because the walk was set for 3 and they weren’t back yet. 

“Are you walking?” Sierra asked. 

“No. I’m actually going to bring that canvas inside and start working on it. The junk bunk became Gabby’s art bunk.” 

She giggled. “Okay.” 

Once the route was ready I did go get the canvas and my portfolio, I’d gotten a smaller one to travel with, everything I would need was there. I found a quiet room and set up inside. I was almost done when Zac came in. 

“You’re not walking with me? Come on Gabby.” 

His arms went around me and those little neck nuzzles. “Fine. But, you better not leave me like you did last time.” 

“I promise I won’t. Did you do that today?” 

“No, couple days ago. You leaving now?” 

“Yep.” 

I followed him, truthfully I wasn’t thrilled about the walks anymore. The fans rather avoided me or pointed and whispered. Sierra had been right, they were never going to really accept me as anything but the bitch that married Zac. I stayed right near him when Taylor talked and it was clear they were all tired. Isaac kind of looked like he was asleep standing there, with his eyes open. The first half went really well, I walked right beside him and while they certainly talked to him, they didn’t say a single word to me. I waited by Isaac when he moved around for the group picture not realizing he was leading back until we were walking and I was stuck in the back with 300 people between us. I just stuck my hands in my pockets and followed Isaac. 

It was the creepy feeling that caused me to look around, it was just some deep down gut feeling something was wrong. I didn’t see anything abnormal in front of me, but when I turned around I saw him. Fifty feet behind me, holding his phone and it wasn’t long before mine went off. 

**_You look…afraid? Confused?_ **

I didn’t answer, instead tried to catch up with Isaac or anyone that I knew. But, there were so many fans between me and them it was going to be hard. I turned and he was even closer to me and I couldn’t be back here without someone else close, so I broke out of the back of the group and ran up the street, most were on the sidewalk still. I really didn’t care what anyone thought, I caught up to Zac in the front and wasn’t very polite in breaking between him and the blonde that was beside him. 

“There you are.” 

“You weren’t supposed to leave me alone.” 

He wouldn’t reply here of course, but I stayed there until we were back at the hotel and didn’t bother to wait, I just went inside and to the room in the back. It was small, secure and safe. 

**_Aww, are you afraid of me Gabriella? You shouldn’t be, you know you wanted me to watch. You wanted me to join the first time I asked Simon, come on…admit it._ **

_I didn’t want you period. Just leave me alone._

**_Or what? You’ll call the police? They won’t do anything. I’ve made no threats to you. I don’t mean you any harm_ ** _._

Of course not, because admitting that in a message was stupid. 

“Gabby?” Zac asked. 

“One simple request Zac, not to leave me alone. Damien followed me. It’s why I said I wanted to be beside you.” 

“I’m sorry, I thought you came with me. Were you not with Isaac or Taylor?” 

“I was with Isaac but fans got between us. Maybe it’s better if I just stay at the venue.” 

He came over and gave me a tight hug. “If he’s following us, it might be better. But, you shouldn’t hide from him.” 

“I know.” 

“Okay, I’m going to do sound check, dinner?” 

“Dinner.” 

He kissed me again and then left me there to go do sound check, I painted quietly for a little while before Sierra came in and sat down. 

“That’s looking really good.” 

“Working on the foal’s first, there not set on color or anything, then I’ll do the couples. Although, this little one here is a copy of one they had.” 

“Nice. They have four kids?” 

“That they do.” 

“So, been thinking about this wedding thing any?” 

“I have, been trying to find the right colors or feel. Nothing feels right. We did chose the cake flavors before we left. But no design, no idea on that either.” 

“Are you glad that you went ahead and went with a different venue?” 

“Kind of, I still feel iffy but it felt right. So, that works. I’m still not sure about the cross either but when we went back the room was empty and it didn’t look weird, so that was good.” 

“I was thinking your dress has a lot of detail, why not mimic the dress with the cake?” 

“I don’t want to do that.” 

Mostly because I hadn’t gone with the dress everyone else liked, I went with another one. One they hadn’t even seen yet, let along formed an opinion on. 

“Colors?” 

“No idea.” 

“Geez woman! You have to make some plans.” 

“Kind of wanted to include Zac on those plans, but he’s busy right now.” 

“Kitten, come on. What’s wrong? You’re not acting so happy right now.” 

“It’s just stress Sierra. Damien’s around, the fans still hate me, I have several paintings to finish and Zac is so damn busy with promo and everything that I barely see him, let alone have time to sit and talk.” 

I felt her hands on my shoulders, light pressure. “The fans are of no reason to stress over them. They will either like you, tolerate you or hate you but that is on them and not you. You have friends that care and love you. Zac loves you, I understand you’ve grown use to him being able to just be there all the time. But, Gabby, this is his life and you should understand that. It’s not always going to be like the others, it’s not always going to be low key and all fun.” 

“I know that Sierra.” 

Her hands came down my arm lightly, just barely touching me and I sighed. “Why does Damien scare you?” 

“I can’t talk about him and paint.” 

“Then take a break.” 

“Sierra.” 

She took the tray of paint and the brush from my hands and turned me around. “I have never known you to be afraid of someone like that. Simon, I understand he had three years but he was the one physically hurting you. What did Damien do that made you afraid of him?” 

“I never liked him, just the way he carried himself and the way he looked at me, like I was some tiny little mouse and he was the big cat. He made me feel uncomfortable a lot, so I didn’t really stay around him. The times where Simon had me there with them watching he wasn’t one of the guys that would jack off to it.” 

“He didn’t?” 

“No. If I wasn’t screaming or crying then he just watched.” 

“Come on, keep talking. There is more and I’m betting you haven’t even told Zac or Dr. Cortez. Zac’s gotten much better at detecting your little white lies but not when you carefully avoid the subjects. What did he do?” 

“He was the one rooting Simon on to hurt me, not just have sex no he wanted pain. When he did get Simon to agree that was his goal for me. I really think Simon kept him from going too far.” 

“Well, don’t worry about him. No more walks without me though, I know Zac says he can stay but fans push and shove. Continue to ignore the messages and shit too.” 

“Now can I paint? We’re suppose to get dinner.” 

“You are. Zac expressly told them he wanted dinner with you even if it was just on the bus.” 

She let me get back, but she sat with me until Zac came in, turns out it was dinner on the bus, because the line had gotten to a point where it wouldn’t be safe for us to leave. Pizza was dinner. 

“So, you won’t tell me a damn thing about this dress of yours, at least tell me if there is any form of color.” 

“It’s white, that’s a color. But, no others are present.” 

“Do you have any idea about bridesmaids?” 

I blinked, shit, I hadn’t even thought of that. “Not a clue but I really don’t have a lot of options. Abby, Sierra, Stella and Nicole.” 

“But, are you going to ask them all?” 

“Are you choosing your brothers as groomsmen?” 

“Yes. Along with Jack and Andrew. I’ll have four.” 

“Then I guess I will ask all four.” 

“Do you want to do ring boy and flower girl?” 

“Not really, it seems a little..trivial? I don’t know, the youngest girl is Stephanie. She’s not even going to be crawling by then. I don’t think we should do either unless you have someone in mind already.” 

“Nickolas is five, he’s old enough and my cousin has a three year old little girl, they would be appropriate. I’m not sure if they would want too though.” 

“May want to ask first, if not then it’s fine.” 

He was still eating but clearly he wanted to talk about this whole wedding thing now. 

“What about blue and silver as accents?” 

“Why silver?” 

“It matches blue and it’s more for a sparkle effect than a color really. Also, white or black tux for me?” 

I sat back. “How about you slow down a moment. Start with you, what color do you want to wear?” 

“Black is like very traditional but I would like something more season oriented, I was thinking either silver or white.” 

“No silver, those suits look hideous.” 

“Then white it is. I was thinking more cream for the groomsmen though, so it’s not white overload.” 

“I haven’t even looked. So, about accent colors you said silver? Were you thinking bright silver or more medium silver?” 

“Little bit darker, since we have a lot of white. So, nothing bright or over the top. The blue can be not so dark, maybe mediums to light. Keep the whole thing in a lighter feel.” 

“You did think about this before.” 

He shoveled most of a slice into his mouth but I waited while he tried to chew and eventually did get it down. 

“Caught me. I kind of did while you were unconscious. There were long stretches of time where I just talked to you and that’s what came up. I wasn’t sure if you remembered anything you never mentioned it, so I assumed you didn’t.” 

“I don’t, I’m sorry.” 

“You were unconscious I don’t think I expected you too.” 

“Blue, silver, and shades of white. I think that’s a good color combination, it’s not over the top.” 

“We can do different flowers or different colors if needed.” 

“Yeah, the color combination allows for a wide selection of blues and whites, added they can do some others like red too. It is a wedding after all.” 

“Exactly.” 

“So we have colors, I have a dress. We’re all set.” 

“I wish.” He said. 

“Sierra and I plan to shoe shop in Los Angeles, she said she knows a few great places that are both very good quality and cheap.” 

“You are going with heels right?” 

“Maybe, do you have some fascination with me and heels?” 

“Maybe a little.” 

“Sorry buttercup, not going with stilettos.” 

“They don’t have to be those, few inches is fine.” 

His phone went off and I was sure it was Taylor and Isaac wanting him back inside, they had meet and greets this tour also. As if they didn’t have enough. He finished up and I went inside with him, got the camera as I went. 

“You doing them?” 

“Hey, I can take a decent photo.” 

“Remember, you have to include everyone.” 

“Aww, really?” 

We went to the front and a few minutes later they let in the winners, most didn’t even notice I was standing here. I was waiting for them to finish up the talking parts, so I could get the picture part. 

“Gabby, right?” She asked. 

I blinked, had she talked to me? “That’s me.” 

“It’s nice to actually see you in person. You ran by me during the walk but I didn’t really realize it was you until you were way past me.” 

“Yeah, I was trying to catch up to my speed demon.” 

“He does walk fast. Um….do you remember Bailey and her daughter, Ella?” 

I doubt I would ever forget them. “I do remember them, I was in the same hospital as her.” 

“If I call her, can you say hello?” 

“Uh…” 

I looked at Zac and they were all still talking away, none realized this poor girl had sought me out. 

“Sure.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes.” 

She got her phone and nearly dropped it twice before she managed to unlock it, dial the number and wait for an answer. 

“Bailey? Can you hear me?” 

I didn’t hear her response but then she handed me the phone. 

“Hey Bailey, this is Gabriella.” 

“I told her not to bother you! I’m so sorry.” 

“No fears, she caught me during the meet and greet. How have you been?” 

“Very tired, little Ella is not so little anymore.” 

“She’s five months almost, right?” 

“Yes, she is almost five months. How have you been?” 

“I’ve been very good actually. We’ll be in New York, will you be there?” 

“Unfortunately no, I actually moved to Florida, Tallahassee. Quinn’s job transferred us down here about two months ago. We couldn’t afford to drive down to Orlando and with Ella we’d have to stay overnight and I just can’t.” 

“Did you get tickets to any show?” 

“No, they were all so far away we’d have to stay.” 

I have no idea what the hell came over me, but there was some random and strange desire to see her and Ella. 

“Is Orlando the closest place?” 

“Yep. We can make that drive easy, just under four hours.” 

I glanced at this overly excited girl beside me and I knew I could open a really bad can of worms here. 

“I feel bad for the way that I reacted and was while I was there. I’d like to make it up to you, if you can drive there and arrange for the time off then you’ll have tickets waiting on you and a hotel room for 2 nights. I’ll make it a double bed so you can bring along a sitter for the show. Are you a member of the fan club?” 

Her friend shook her head, well that won’t do either. “I’ll see if I can get you in fan club event too, even if I have to purchase the membership again.” 

The other end of the line was silent for a little while. “Are you kidding?” 

“No. I’ll have your friend give me your number and I can call to confirm the reservation and tickets. Completely serious here. I do feel bad for more reasons than you know.” 

“I will be there with bells on for sure if you don’t mind.” 

Zac motioned me for the picture. “I have to go Bailey, there calling for the picture and I’m taking it. I’ll get your number and give you a call in the next few days to make sure you can.” 

“Thank you so much.” 

“You’re welcome. Bye Bailey.” 

I handed the phone back to this girl who looked stunned. 

“You should go meet them.” 

“Right…” 

She ran back over and I followed, Zac looked worried. I took their pictures but before she went outside I got Bailey’s number from her. Zac stopped me going to the back. 

“What was that?” 

“Remember Bailey?” 

“Yeah…” 

“She’s not missing another show. Does she absolutely have to be a fan club member to attend the Orlando thing?” 

“Yes.” 

“Not a problem.” 

He looked worried but didn’t much question me that badly. I would need a few days to coordinate with everyone so I didn’t call her back right away and I wanted to get as much of the painting done as I could. I actually managed a lot before I knew I had to pack things up. I packed up the easel and paints, cleaned the brushes and everything and had it packed back up before they were done. Carrick and Sierra helped me take it back to the bus, where the painting was laid in the bunk carefully so it could dry well. 

It had been a weird day overall but productive, we were done and rolling out of the city by 2, the boys were in bed quick, very long days and they needed to sleep. I spent some time with Sierra making out a to do list for the wedding, because I realized that there was a lot and I needed to cover everything. We did eventually go to bed though. 


	40. Milkshakes

POV: Gabby

  

September 26, 2008 

I had finished the two canvases that were due and they already had a protective coat over them and wrapped in brown paper to keep them clean and dust free. It was a relief because I was worried I wasn’t going to get them done with the crazy schedule. 

Bailey, Quinn, and little Ella were coming to Orlando. The reservations were done and their tickets were bought. They were also attending the members event as I had pulled major ass strings for that one including appealing to all three of them. It took a threat to call Stella and Nicole before they pushed it through. 

Damien had not backed off and I had seen him one other time since the last time I walked, I wasn’t attending them because I didn’t know his reasons and if it was to hurt me then being alone was bad. So, I’d not attended the last few but I’d also spent that time painting and perfecting her pieces. But, I was finding that I was hurting some from not really moving, the runs with Carrick or Austin weren’t enough to completely make up for the hours of sitting. 

Like now, I was restless and everything was set up and ready to go, I was just sitting at the drums a little bored, playing a bit actually. 

“You must be bored.” Sierra said. 

I glanced over at her, smiled at her choice of clothes. “You reppin Hanson now? Wow.” 

“I borrowed one for a picture for Heather.” 

“I am bored.” 

“Want me to teach you something new?” 

I was slammed with the idea of what happened the last time she asked me that, boy was it new. That was just the second time without Newton around with a lens and she’d introduced some different techniques. She had that same look right now. 

“Depends on what you are teaching me.” 

She jogged over and hopped up and just sat herself down in my lap. 

“Give me a beat, whatever comes to mind.” 

“I would if I could move my legs.” 

“Har Har, fine.” 

She stood up, which put her ass right in my face. I found some random beat, that sounded like something they’d been working on the other night. She moved my other leg in some pattern and once I got it, she stepped over one leg, straddling mine with hers. Still, this position was rather well, I was totally missing sex, so it was a little hot. 

The thoughts in my head weren’t of drum beats, but the way her ass felt under my hands. Which is why the cymbal scared me when she hit it. She took their normal sound and just added to it with what few drums he had set up. When she was done she got behind me to teach them to me, putting her very close to me. Her scent and smells were clouding my ability to follow directions. 

“If I didn’t know better I’d say you’re doing this shit on purpose.” 

“Now, why would I do that?” 

I turned slightly and she was right there. “Because you use too, but we can’t happen kitten. I see that familiar look in your eyes and fuck do I want to drag you off to some private little area. I’m not going to do that because of that ring on your finger.” 

“Never said I would go.” 

She snorted. “You’d go. Now, count three, three, one. You got this.” 

She was still standing close and even leaned over when the boys got back. 

“What’s this? You said you liked the drummer are you just using me for my drums?” Zac asked. 

Sierra was so fast moving away that I wondered if she got whiplash! 

“I must say you do have good quality drums.” I said. 

“I see, I’m just here.” 

“We were just bored.” She said. 

“No problem, we just got back. Lunch is here, so let’s go. We got a walk to do!” 

We got up and headed to lunch which was catering. We fixed plates and sat down at the tables. They talked about the route and when Carrick said he was going to walk as well I jumped on the bandwagon. He could stay with me and he would. After lunch we got up and got ready, getting megaphones and stuff. 

Stepping out was refreshing, the sun was warm on my face and the general mood felt good. It had rained earlier but it was now a good temperature to walk. Carrick and I moved to the side, I didn’t see Damien anywhere so it was possible he’d gone home. Taylor used a table to stand on to make his beginning speech and I actually listened, it wasn’t so ingrained in my head anymore. The first half of the walk went fine, a few of the fans around us talked to Carrick and one actually told me hi! 

We stayed near the back again, during the speech. But, I could see this girl near Zac, I saw him deflect her hand more than once from putting something in his pocket. 

“Don’t go rushing up there now.” Carrick said. 

“Long as he deflects he’ll be fine.” 

“He’s deflecting and he just told her a flat no.” 

It was good to know that even though we hadn’t had any alone time he was more than willing to say no. Taylor began to lead back, Zac fell somewhere in the middle and we joined Isaac on the walk back to the venue. Carrick was in a deep conversation with a fan about one of the meanings behind a song. Isaac was enthralled in a group that was talking about their time in Africa and the reason they chose to do this. 

I was walking between them and I did noticed that a group of girls seemed to be huddling and walking near me. I could even see the camera when she got a few pictures. Who cared? Let them I didn’t mind if people saw me. I heard someone say watch out, assumed it was glass or something but there was suddenly a girl with blonde hair in front of me with cups in her hands and then they were being dumped over my head. One was watery and smelled like rotten milk, the other one was thick and cold. 

“Fucking bitch, you’re fault he’s turning us down and fucking up our plans. You should go back to the fucking strip club you came from.” 

I was very confused. There was pink liquid and chunks of strawberries clinging to my shirt, the smell of sour milk made me gag but I saw her turn and walk away, what the fuck just happened?! 

I brushed back my hair to find chunks of strawberries from what remained of a milkshake. Her little posse apparently filmed it all! Logic cease to exist. She speed walked to Isaac who hadn’t slowed at all and had struck up a conversation with him. 

“Gabs?” Carrick said. 

I just ran toward her, there was no fucking way I was walking away. I landed both hands square on her shoulders which shoved her face first into the puddle of water and mud she was about to side step. 

“Who the fuck do you think you are? Some stuck up fucking bitch that thinks a married man should be fucking everyone around him? So you what, take it out on me?” 

She started to get up and I was already dirty, what the hell. I dropped right on her lower back, pushing her deeper into the mud, splashing water out. 

“Get off of me you psycho!” She yelled. 

I grabbed a handfull of hair and pulled her up some, leaned down. “You are messing with the wrong person and I’m fucking tired of being nice to bitches like you. Zac is married to me. He will not be fucking you or any other blonde bitch that tries, so you can all stop being butt hurt and pissed off about it and move the fuck on.” 

I pushed her away and got up, brushed my clothes back down. There was a circle around us, completely stunned quiet. Cameras rolling and all. 

“What the hell are you stopping for, keep walking.” 

“Gabby...” Isaac said. 

“Don’t even.” 

He was about to move me when I felt the second squishy thing on my head, smearing what I guessed was mud in my hair and down the back. 

“If you think he doesn’t fuck around with us then what about the bitch in Rochester that is having his baby? December is when the little boy is due. He ain’t no fucking saint and you are nothing but a fucking bitch ass slut that just fucks around with everyone. Pretty sure you are fucking the opening band, including the drummer.” 

Isaac heard every word of that, so he cannot blame me. He cannot send me home because he heard that and he knew what happen last time. My hands balled up, my nails digging into my palms. I was sure she turned and when I turned around she had walked away like she won! I was totally about to rush her again fully intention was sending that bitch to the hospital, something was breaking on her body. But Isaac was quick to grab my waist. 

“No, Gabby stop.” 

“Let me go, Isaac.” 

“No. Let it go.” 

“Let it go? Fuck no. I’ve done that before and look what the fuck she did?” 

“Gabby. Too many cameras rolling, just calm down.” 

The entire crowd had stopped walking, commotion was leading forward but I was so wet and slippery from the shake and the mud that when she turned and stuck her tongue out at me, I lunged and his hands slipped right off. Muhum, she had that deer in headlights face until she was laying flat on her back, nose bleeding and she looked stunned, I was about to straddle her when stronger arms came around my waist, those arms felt familiar. 

“I think once is enough.” Zac said. 

Taylor was standing nearby completely stunned and he tried to talk, but no words came out, some of her friends helped her up. 

“Psycho bitch.” 

I wondered if Zac snapped his neck or something, seemed like his head turned awfully quick. Which shut her up really quickly, because he’d heard her. 

“What the fuck happened?” Zac asked. 

I guess I really didn’t look all that great, rotten strawberry shake, apparently a fresh one, mud, water, dirt, I imagine some blood too, I think I scraped a knee or something. My hand even hurt a bit, but he hadn’t let go of me. 

“She pushed me. Completely unprovoked into a fucking mud puddle and then she come screaming at me and hit me.” 

“I’ll fucking do it again if you get close enough, you can tell that bitch in Rochester she needs to go find her baby’s dad because it’s not Zac.” 

“Gabby, what happen?” 

“That bitch dumped a rotten strawberry shake and a fresh one over my head, hell yeah I shoved her into the mud puddle. Then she puts mud all over my hair and back and tells me that if I didn’t think you fucked around then I was wrong because some bitch in Rochester is having your son in December. I’m apparently a fucking bitch ass slut.” 

“We’re just going to go back to the venue, I’ll cut across. Carrick can you help them?” 

“No problem but that girl did dump the drinks on her first. Unprovoked, just walked up and bam. I think she was mad you rejected her card.” 

He nodded and the other three began to usher people away, including the skank bitch that was I guessed getting away scot free. He waited until they had plenty of time to get ahead of us before he let me go. 

“That one really is rotten, damn. Come on, we can beat them back.” 

“I don’t fucking want to beat them back. I want to beat her fucking ass into the ground. She thinks this is fine! That it’s fucking okay, you going to stop me next time when they do the same thing?” 

He looked at me and smiled. “She won a meet and greet, but she’s not going to be allowed back. In fact, I can’t ban her from the show but I can make sure she is the last person in the building. Beating her ass will just land you in jail.” 

“You should have let me.” 

“No, you should have waited until I could watch the whole thing, made me think something seriously happened. All Carrick said was back and now.” 

“I guess I look like a mess.” 

“Slightly, but you know that muddy look isn’t bad. The rotten milk though, nasty. Just throw everything away.” 

We did a fast walk back, making it before them and Zac actually told the security team which person was to be denied and held back. Giving them a free pass to do whatever was necessary to accomplish that goal. I was impressed. Sierra looked up from the stage when I came across. 

“What the fuck happened?” 

“Skye made an appearance, fucking bitch.” I said. 

“Tell me someone got video of that shit.” 

“I’m sure YouTube will soon. I’ll just be the psychotic nut job that Zac married.” 

She frowned and I’m sure Zac did too. But he got my hand and diverted me back outside, what the fuck? 

“Dude, I smell like rotten milk and dirt.” 

“Yeah, but we’re going to end this shit right now.” 

Isaac and Taylor were confused when they got back, I was just standing there looking like a child who’d tried to make breakfast and failed miserably. Although, Isaac had milk and mud all over his clothes and so did Zac. As people gathered they briefly spoke and then Taylor hopped up on the table, where he finished the speech. 

The fucking blonde bitch was right there in front of him! Zac completely ignored her though, even though she called his name. He finally moved over and when she saw me standing there she shut up fast. 

“Carrick, you got me?” 

“I do!” he called. He was somewhere in the crowd of people. 

“We would like to address the incident that occurred today. We have witnesses and several came up to me and Isaac and Carrick on the way back. As a band we do not accept nor encourage this behavior. To those watching from H.net I am sure a quick search will show you what happen. We’ve been very tolerant and patient, but we are not oblivious. We have all seen videos from past walks where fans were name calling, making fun of, or trying to piss off members of our family.” 

She rolled her eyes and mouthed my name, not that Taylor didn’t see her. 

“That’s right, this girl right here covered in mud is right. Most have been about Zac’s wife, we’ve let it slide because up until today it was just verbal bullshit and as a family we were able to get past that. However, we will not tolerate physical attacks of any kind.” 

He paused briefly. “Gabriella has been patient and nice to everyone she has met, she’s ignored being called a whore and a bitch, ignored when her twitter account exploded with nothing but put downs about everything. Yet, she didn’t react. Not because those words didn’t hurt her feelings, not because they didn’t impact her, but because she respected that each and every one of you are here for us, respected that you are fans of the band and are therefore not required to like her. However, it’s time that we, as a band, are there for her.” 

People actually moved away from this girl, almost afraid and even I was puzzled. He asked her what her name was and she was delusional enough to give it to him. Clearly she took being blonde all the way. But, I was very confused on why. 

“This is Gina, the one covered in mud here. She tried to give Zac a keycard to a hotel room during my mid-walk speech. He refused the card. Instead of accepting his refusal, she got mad and decided to dump a soured milkshake and a fresh one over Zac’s wife’s head. Gabby reacted and a scuffle occurred, none of us are going to say a damn thing to her because had it been one of us, we’d be mad too. But to show that we are serious about physical attacks, Gina won a meet and greet for today, but she will not be allowed to attend it. Her membership will be revoked to the website and a six month ban initiated on her name. What she did was horrible, childish, and wrong.” 

“You can’t do that!” Gina yelled. 

I was stunned that they were doing that! I mean, I expected them to demand an apology or some shit but not that! 

Taylor thanked the crowd for walking, thanked them for their patience and support and got down. But, Gina kept yelling he couldn’t do that, it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right. Yet when he finally turned to her she stopped. 

“Yes, we can and we will. You wanted to video tape it and spread it around, well now you have another one, you wanted to make an example and you have.” 

Whispers covered the crowd, great I’d surely be hated now. Not only did she piss Taylor off but I’d just gotten her banned and revoked and shit, yet nothing was occurring to me. We headed inside after that, making sure Carrick made it safely. 

“Uh..thanks but really...they’re just going to hate me even more now.” 

“I don’t care if they do, this should not happen. They might be fans but they are not teenagers, the ones that were around you were adults.” Isaac said. 

“Exactly. If she had been a teenager or something we wouldn’t have been as harsh, but she dumped them on your head with the intention of you reacting so you look bad, that will not fly.” 

“So, can I shower now? You’ve laid the law down and all.” 

“God yes!” Carrick said. 

“Don’t make me come hug you.” 

He held up his hands and I went to shower. Tossing those clothes in the trash because that smell would never come out. I was about done when Abby’s ringtone came up and I hit speakerphone. 

“What’s up?” 

“So…my grapevine is going fucking insane saying you hit someone.” 

I quickly explained as I got dressed. 

“I gotta find the video for that, I should be there!” 

“It isn’t as fun as it looks, just means if I had anyone that remotely liked me, I don’t have them now.” 

“Who cares, you stood up for yourself and that’s what matters.” 

“Yeah. I need to go make sure setup is right.” 

“Talk to me for a moment first, it’s been weeks.” 

“You didn’t really call after we informed you about Max. I just wasn’t sure if you needed more time to sort through that or not.” 

“I broke up with him, for good. When he admitted to me that he sent the pictures I lost it. You nearly died because of that and I don’t care if he doesn’t believe you. I saw them and I know you left and I know how worried Zac was.” 

“How did he take that?” 

“I don’t care how, he made that bed he can now lay in it. So, how are you doing?” 

“Well, besides having rotten milk and strawberries dumped on my head, feeling quite lonely, and tired I’m good.” 

“Lonely? What the hell?” 

“We really haven’t had much us time. They do promo stuff all morning and then their busy and by the time they’re on the bus, Zac is worn out.” 

“I’m sorry. I hope you get too soon.” 

I talked to her for another thirty minutes before I went to the front, they were already doing sound check and I just monitored. I took the meet and greet photo later, sure enough Gina wasn’t there. While they were on stage DJ and I cleaned up the bus a bit. He and I then came inside and he got dinner. The show went well and we were packed and on the bus before long. 

We were just sitting in the back when Abby sent me a text and told me I had to check out a twitter post, I really didn’t want too but I followed her link anyway. The video was from one of the girls that were with Gina, clearly showed her walking up and dumping those shakes on my head. I scrolled past to the comments, because apparently that was what I had to read. 

_OMG! That is appalling! Why would you do such a thing?!_

A reply to that message read: _Tay posted a video and said Zac declined a room card from this Gina girl, so this is what she thought was appropriate. Disgusting behavior from someone who claims to be a fan!_

_Gina you deserved what she did! I’d have knocked your fucking lights out too, you should be glad Zac stopped her! He should have looked away! WTF you whining because they punish YOU? YOU attacked his wife!_

_OMG… you are making us all look like psychos yet you call her one? Have some common courtesy! He’s fucking married, DEAL WITH IT!!_

_I feel bad for Hanson, there torn between their wife and sister and fans like you. Respect them. Complete BS._

_She planned that shit, I was there and she let that one shake sit –all- day until the walk. Gabby didn’t deserve that she didn’t say a damn word to her. But I was so glad she didn’t just take it. #GoGabby #TeamGabby_

Message after message was the same, once that one hash tagged Team Gabby others joined. Gina tried to defend her actions but her words were shot down by more people. One tweet said he had accepted her card earlier in the year but she assumed I got it before he could leave. 

I hadn’t even known but the fact he didn’t go, was a plus. Yet, the response to that was he had been married for months, people didn’t believe her. There were a few that took her side, probably the friends that were with her. But the positive comments far outnumbered those. 

I found a few other videos posted by some not in her group and they weren’t calling me a psycho or a bitch, one said I had clearly been pushed too far, some said they knew it would happen eventually, others were astonished. It was a good feeling to know that the backlash wasn’t all negative this time, there were fans that didn’t hate me.


	41. Redemption

POV: Gabby

  

October 9, 2016

I think everyone on the bus was walking while they slept. We’d had a mild break Sunday and most everyone just slept all day. The constant promo’s, long days, and long nights were adding up though.

The couple that asked for the canvases had picked them up as we promised and they loved them, so it was time well spent and a payday well earned as I’d asked for 500 for them both and the check they wrote was for a thousand and they refused to drop it. I really hadn’t thought anyone would want my stuff, let alone pay that much for it. 

But they said the quality and attention to detail was sometimes rarely seen in paintings, despite their prices. It was why they bid so high on the pasture scene because the horses looked real and at first glance they thought it was a picture and not a painting. I credited my detail to Shawn because he often told me if I was doing realistic paintings then the details had to be correct.

We were in Orlando for two days, they had the member’s only event yesterday and the concert today. Two different venues were used which sucked because we had to move everything after setting it up. But the event had gone well, fans showed up including Bailey and Quinn, but Ella had been with the sitter. They promised to bring her today for a little while before the show. 

We moved everything from the first venue by truck to the second, so I was now inside making sure the placement was right, the boys were off doing promo again. They were walking at 2:30 so they should be back about 1:30. 

I was sitting down to check the drums when Sierra went across and I followed her in that cat suit. Solid black cotton suit that hugged her curves and moved with her, it was a halter top style that exposed a lot of her back. She paused and looked at me.

“Like what you see Kitten?” 

“I was thinking that was mine actually.” 

“It was yours, you left it behind a long time ago.” 

“It fits you better, it was too tight across my ass.” 

She changed directions and came to the drums where I was, that suit was so tight on her that this close I could tell she hadn’t bothered to wear panties. She straddled my lap and I had to force myself to look up to her face and not at the little pillows of cleavage. She smiled.

“Come on, stop playing that shit Simon taught you. Do something you use to do for me.” 

“He doesn’t have enough drums for that, you know that he doesn’t.” 

“Be creative. You don’t always have to match tone for tone, you can bring it down to a more simplistic level.” 

I slipped my foot over the pedal carefully. “Pick a song.” 

For several moments she stood there, I feel the heat radiating off her body. “Sex metal barbie.” 

“Oh, a favorite of yours.” 

It took me a moment to remember the song, I hadn’t heard it in a long time. But I finally moved my foot to the beat, I really didn’t have enough drums for this song but I could do the basics and it would be basic. She was distracting though, so close and that suit was just begging me to unzip it but I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t add anything else so she stepped behind me. I could hear her singing the lyrics as I just used the bass drum and a cymbal.

_I know I don’t belong in this scene; sex metal barbie, homicidal queen; Excuse me can you tell me the worst thing you’ve heard about me; Maybe that I’m a little harlot homicidal queen; You know I heard I don’t belong in this scene; Sex, metal, barbie, whore, attention fiend_

I picked up the sticks on the way back through and there was some feeling of remembering that 17 year old me that just wanted to be free. I could hear those words in my ear and could feel her skin against my hands. Could remember how she made me feel back then, the way she always was supportive and nice.

Yet, somewhere the beat changed to another song, one that I’d obsessively listened to when I got to Tera’s. I felt her hands on my shoulders as the words began to fall from my lips, familiar as any other song.

_You don’t know how hard I fought to survive; waking up alone when I was left to die_ _You don’t know about this life I’ve led; all these roads I’ve walked; All these tears I’ve bled_ _So how can this be? You’re praying to me; as I look in your eyes; I know just what that means;_ _I can be, I can be your everything._ _I can be your whore; I am the dirt you created; I am your sinner; and your whore_ _But let me tell you something baby; you love me for everything you hate me for…_

There wasn’t any lyrics that I missed and when I finally laid the drum sticks down in the holder she wasn’t standing so close to me anymore. But of course Zac was standing in front of the stage looking confused and very unsure, Taylor and Isaac looked stunned. Carrick just clapped.

“Best concert I’ve been too. Not sure I like the song choices though, I request an Everybody Else song next time.” 

I got up and walked out, she was pulling the same bullshit she had before. I couldn’t quite control my actions around her and this wasn’t good. I had to have control now because I didn’t want to fuck up when it came to Zac. I was glad Zac followed me to the back.

“Hey, you okay?” 

“Yeah, just…tired. Who’s going with me to get lunch? I know fans are lining up.” 

How the hell do I tell my husband that I was feeling like throwing her down? I’d never do it, not now but the thoughts were still there. Rambling in my brain and making me remember feelings I’d forgotten.

“Security guard is going, they are here already.”

“You’re back…early.” 

“One of the radio shows canceled on us.” 

“Okay. Where am I even going? Haven’t been told anything when it came to lunch or dinner.” 

“There is a country style restaurant down the street, there doing like catering. The order was placed earlier and Austin is going with you to help along with a venue security guard.” 

“Okay.” 

I met with Austin and Victor, a huge fucking guy and if he couldn’t protect me no one could! We went out a side door and the guard drove us the few blocks, but because we had several trays of things the car was needed and appreciated. Picking up lunch was an easy process and they helped load the multiple trays and once back Carrick and another guard came out to help unload. As we walked to and from the car to the door I saw a few fans pointing, whispering and I ignored them. 

A large portion of the comments I’d seen were positive but there were a few negative ones and I’d rather not deal with them yet. Once back inside we sat down for lunch. The walk was next so I sent Bailey a message to see where she was. She said she was number 60 in line, so I told her to make her way to the front of the line before the walk.

“You walking today?” Zac asked.

“I’m going to walk with Bailey and Quinn, uh..anyone else need to be with me?” 

“I’ll ask Victor to shadow you, just in case. I haven’t seen Damien in a while though.”

“Okay.” 

We found Victor who agreed and he came out with me to the front where Bailey was standing about ten feet down.

“Bailey!” I called.

She turned and smiled and headed my way, people letting both of us through. I hadn’t really been able to do much more than smile and wave the day before. I had been so busy setting up and ensuring those that were present were suppose to be there, so I gave her a hug despite the fact people around us were confused about why. 

“You look so good to have a five month old!”

“Girl, Florida weather is perfect. I take her and we go walking daily and I’ve began to jog a bit too. It has helped greatly.” 

“It sure does have perfect weather, but very hot.” 

“Ella loves the beach though. Quinn is on his way up, he had her laying down in the car for her nap.”

“No problem. How is being a mom?” 

“It’s fantastic! She’s just the light of our lives.” 

I could hear someone ask someone else if I was Gabby, so I turned and smiled.

“I am Gabby. You are?” 

They looked a little stunned. “Uh…I’m Claire and she’s..un..Joann.” 

“It’s nice to meet you.”

“We didn’t think it was you, saw you getting lunch and stuff.” 

“Being the roadie sometimes sucks.” 

“We didn’t think you did anything on tour.” Joann said.

“I do a lot really, the guys should be coming out in a few for the walk.” 

They smiled and I turned back to Bailey, listened to her fill me in on how Ella was getting bigger and how she was growing too. 

“Why not just show her how big she’s gotten.” He said.

She moved and my god she had gotten bigger, she had bright blonde hair and the darkest green eyes. I really had no intentions of holding her, fearing that she’d just scream. Yet, when Quinn got close to me she reached out for me, shocking all of us. I took her from him, I wouldn’t deny her that if it’s what she wanted. Her hand went behind me and clutched onto my shirt.

“Well, hello there.” 

She smiled at me and I was glad that she wasn’t screaming, she was smiling and as I talked to her she smiled and cooed at me. It really was something I wish I’d have later this year.

“Can I please get a picture of you and her? The last one didn’t turn out to well.” 

“I’ll do you better, Victor, can you get one of us all?” 

“Sure thing.” He said.

He huddled us together and took a few, but she did take one of us alone too. When they came outside to start the walk I didn’t think, just took Ella with me to get closer. Of course Bailey just followed me. To shock everyone, Ike did the before speech, which was different. But, a refreshing change. When we started the walk itself, I kept Ella on my hip. Bailey and Quinn were close to me and Victor was behind me. 

“You look comfortable with her.” Bailey said.

“I’ve had some time around little ones since April. I owe you an apology, I didn’t mean to react in that way. I’d just never held a baby before and they terrified me.” 

She looked at me. “You don’t have to explain to me why. But, I was looking around the web and found something with your name, very nice Dragon picture.” 

“It’s a painting, the gallery in town had it displayed for like a week and it was used as a profile example.” 

“It was the example I saw, I was going to bid on the farm but it was above our budget right now.” 

“Do you mind black and white?” 

“Not at all, black and white would look awesome in the dining room, we have very light walls and right now blank walls.” 

“I’ll check my tablet when we get back I think I have a scenic sketch in there. Oh, I have the one of Ella you asked for.” 

“Really? You rock!” 

“Hey, you sent me the pictures of her.”

We paused at the midway point but Ella was tired of me and reached for her daddy who took her back. 

“Gabby?” She asked.

I turned her direction and smiled. “Yes?” 

“I wanted to say that I was sorry, I know you have no idea who I am but I was one of the many that put you down earlier this year.” 

“Why would you do that?” Bailey asked.

I hadn’t had time to answer, but I wondered too. I wouldn’t have really asked though, so I was glad she did.

“Some of it was just following everyone else but I was sad that he was now definitely off the market. He usually went for blondes and when he married her it was like, why couldn’t that be me?” 

“You’d be amazed at how many people have asked him about that, it’s not all hair color. Don’t worry about it, long as you don’t go dumping rotten milk on my head you’ll be fine.”

“No plans to do that. I just wanted to apologize.” 

“Accepted.” 

She moved away, I was listening to Taylor with the others when I felt Victors strong hand on my shoulder and I looked at him. He looked worried and alert, so I looked around and saw why. Damien was across the park just watching us, he wasn’t taking pictures or anything, just watching. So, on the way back I made sure Victor was right with me, which made me feel safe. Since I invited Bailey, I let them inside with me because I wanted to speak to them in a more private setting. The boys had sound check and a meet and greet, so I had free time. 

“This is like awesome.” Quinn said.

“The venue is, I can’t let you back there though. Guys put there foot down on that.” 

“It’s okay, we can still hear them.” 

“Uh, if you’ll wait here I’ll go get her drawing and my tablet. It should be inside.” 

I ran to the back and returned within minutes with both and we sat down. She’d asked for an updated drawing of Ella, she even sent me several current pictures but I did add a few things now that she was here in front of me before I signed it and handed it to them. It was no less of a big deal than the first and they both loved it. It was rare that I felt comfortable showing people my tablet, yet before I had time to open it Zac was there picking it up and flipping through the pages. Bailey and Quinn looked confused.

“No fear Zac, I took all the naughty ones out.” 

“Peace of mind, I know how you are and sometimes you miss a few.” 

He flipped through the pages quickly and then handed it back. “You’re clear. I actually came to hold the baby though if she’s up to it, I didn’t get to in April.” 

He sat down beside me and she did go to him, which gave Bailey a chance for the picture with us. It wasn’t like we were photographed with babies all the time.

“I know that this may sound weird and I’m sorry if it’s out of line but you didn’t owe me an apology Gabby. If anything, I owe you one. I was so excited and so just out there I didn’t think about your feelings. When I saw you standing there I kind of knew that something had occurred. I’m sorry if my just handing her to you upset you.” 

Zac gave me a confused look and I hadn’t told any fans about a miscarriage, just close friends and family. Fans didn’t need to know and we both agreed on that, I included Bailey in the fans because we really weren’t close friends.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“When I looked back over those encounters I realized that you didn’t look so happy at the nursery, more sad than anything and then later in the room when I looked back, neither of you looked happy to be there. I could be wrong but I got the feeling that maybe you weren’t there just for an appendix surgery and that you both got bad news. I just never felt that if that was true then no one else needed to be told. So, I didn’t say anything.” 

“It’s not something we want everyone to know.” Zac said.

“It was months before we told family and personally I would rather other fans not know.” 

“Understandable. Losing a child isn’t easy and its none of their business. I saw how rude they were with the rumor mill then, they’d be downright hateful if they knew.” 

Ella came into my lap and Zac took the time to run, so they didn’t get behind. We talked until Ella’s grandmother arrived at 5 to pick her up. Since she was taking back the drawing of Ella and her selected sketch I went ahead and let them chose their merchandise too. That way, they didn’t have to keep up with stuff. 

The venue staff brought us dinner right after that, which for me was the same thing I had for lunch. I waited on the other meet and greet winners before taking them all to the stage, where I said my goodbyes to Bailey and Quinn, after the show I’d be too busy to do that. She would be front row, I made sure of that.

“You sure are going to the edge of the world for that person.” Sierra said.

She’d been waiting for me the moment I came backstage, clearly she didn’t much like that I was there with them and hadn’t spent the time with her.

“She reminded me of me, little lost but then found. I just felt bad that she missed the show last time and then her encounter with them was just weird. It’s the least I can do.” 

“But you won’t do that for Abby?”

“Abby didn’t want to come to the shows Sierra.” 

“Victor said he saw Damien.” 

“He was at the park.” 

“Do you have any idea what he wants from you? I mean really, he’s not doing anything threatening but he is following you and that’s weird.” 

“I honestly have no idea Sierra.” 

She hadn’t changed from her catsuit earlier, just added a belt and better shoes. I really was feeling that attraction and it was mostly because Zac and I had zero time to do anything. I shouldn’t be attracted to her though, when I knew he was there just not available.

“Maybe you should send him a message and ask him what he wants.”

“You mean I should just ask? I’ve asked Sierra, he doesn’t tell me what he wants. He doesn’t tell me anything.” 

I was glad Carrick and Austin called her away it gave me time to get away and just be away from her. I sat in the back room and drew while they performed, just whatever came to mind and it wasn’t cribs but it wasn’t that bright and sunny either. Lot of knives and dangerous aspects. I had my things packed up and back on the bus before the end of the show and I saw several of the fans as I walked back and forth loading the trailer back up. Waved to some that waved to me, they signed autographs and then by 2 am we were on the road to the next show in North Carolina. The guys sat up a little bit, but it wasn’t near enough time to be near him. 

I just wanted like a few hours alone and not thirty minutes where he was trying to inhale food while we tried to finalize some plan. He basically told me to do whatever I wanted and he’d be guaranteed to like it, but that’s not how I felt like planning something we would share. I stayed up a little later than everyone else because I wrote an e-mail to Dr. Cortez, I needed someone or some way to have that outlet because right now I was closed off to most of them.

  

  

_In this Moment – Sex Metal Barbie & Whore: These are actually songs from 2014, but for they fit the purpose of the story so I made them come out a little sooner than normal. Both songs can be seen on Youtube. :) _


	42. Illusions

POV: Zac

  

October 12, 2008

The last few days have been dragging for me, the numerous promos, shows, events, and trying to at least spend five minutes with my wife was very exhausting. I’d wanted to do something just she and I last Sunday but all I could do was sleep. I’d tried to plan lunches, dinners, or some time to just sit down and be there but every time I found an opening Taylor or Isaac would accept another promo and they’d bitch if I didn’t want to go. 

It’s where we were now, driving through State College, Pennsylvania to another radio interview, another event. When I rather be at the venue with her.

“What’s after this?” 

“Another radio gig and then the venue for the walk.” Ike said.

He sounded as worn out as he looked. Taylor on the other hand looked like he’d slept twelve hours and had a cup of coffee, but the one in his hand was his fourth. They weren’t fending many questions about Stella or Nicole, Ike had a few about his engagement but the major focus was me. 

Why did you settle down? What did this one girl have the rest didn’t? Is she a hot blonde? Not blonde, that’s absurd everyone said you loved the blondes. Do you still chase the blondes? Did your wife really beat up a fan? This girl says you wrongly accused her, is that true? Share some details Zac, no one knows this mysterious woman. Vegas wedding, was that fun? Were you guys drunk or something?

The questions were endless and some quite invasive as one radio host went as far as to ask me whether my wife shaved her pubic region or not. As if that was anyone’s fucking business but hers, well, maybe mine sometimes. I didn’t mind doing radio shows but fuck ask me about the album, the walks, the purpose and not about my wife or private life. 

We arrived at like 9:15 and was ushered around the building for an hour before they sat us down with the talk show’s host, he was a balding man in his 40’s, but on the microphone he was good as he was energetic and enthusiastic. He introduced us, asked some pretty basic questions, played the single and I knew when he asked Isaac about Nicole that the questions were coming. He asked Taylor when he was hopping on the bandwagon but he didn’t have a concrete answer for him. 

“This says you’re married Zac?” 

“Yes, it’s fast approaching a year actually, November.” 

“I bet she’s a hot blonde isn’t she?” 

“Uh, actually she’s not blonde at all. My wife is a brunette. I don’t have a definitive reason why she’s the one I wanted to marry.” 

“Nice. We saw some pictures actually, quite hot she is.”

If he’d seen pictures of us, why the fuck did he ask if she was blonde? It’s quite obvious she’s not. There did not exist a picture of Gabby with blonde hair, not dyed or a wig.

“I agree.” 

“There was a rumor earlier that she was actually dating the opening band’s drummer, a female. Sierra, she has filled in with Everybody Else for a while now. Is there any truth to that?” 

“No. Their friends. I don’t mean to be harsh here but can we not focus on my private life? I’m not going to answer any more questions related to my relationships, my wife, or what we do. We’re here to discuss our music.” 

Isaac and Taylor looked at me, questioning. I didn’t mean to be rude but the guy at the first interview asked the same fucking questions. I was getting tired of them and yet he clearly didn’t listen as his next questions asked me about what we do in the bedroom. Point blank asked me if it was her sexual abilities was the reason I married her! I just took the headset off and got up.

“I’m done. I’ll wait for you guys.” 

I walked out of the booth, I was taking time away from my wife to be interviewed and they can’t even fucking respect me to not ask? Fuck them. I waited on Taylor and Isaac and I expected them to be mad and sure Ike was but he waited until we were in the car, squished in the backseat with me in the middle.

“What the fuck was your problem?” Isaac asked.

“My problem? It should be fucking obvious Ike. I told him not to ask me any more questions about us, yet his next one was if her sexual ability was the reason? What the fuck kind of question is that to ask someone? They’re not asking you if Nicole’s ability to fuck you is why you asked.” 

“I didn’t just up and marry her out of the blue either!” 

“Ike, come on. He has a point. He told the guy not to ask any more questions and he did.” Tay said.

“He stormed out! That’s not the image we need, hot headed little brother that storms out of interviews.” 

“I wouldn’t have left if he hadn’t asked!” 

“You’ve been ill as fuck for weeks now, what the fuck is the problem?” 

The cab driver glanced up but kept his mouth shut and so did I. I shouldn’t have to explain the problem to him, I shouldn’t have to say we haven’t had sex since the Monday before we left. I didn’t say anything else and we got to the next interview pretty quick, to stop any issues I told the DJ before we went on the air I wouldn’t answer any questions related to my wife, my private life or any other subject unless it was about our album, tour, or walk purpose. This guy was respectful! He asked them but didn’t ask or mention anything about her. Best interview ever! 

We got a riding lunch and ate on the way to the venue, fans were lining up already, so we headed inside to get the route set. I could hear the drums being played so I walked to the front, it wasn’t anything that I was use to so I knew it had to be something she’d learned or played before. I paused at the side entrance still out of her view. Gabby was sitting at the drums like usual, but Sierra was standing right in front of her and I was pretty sure my wife’s eyes were on her ass, it didn’t even help when Sierra moved, her hands stayed on Gabby. Moving up and down her arms, it wasn’t really a movement that was all friendly. 

Gabby often looked quite different when she moved away. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen them like this either. In Orlando I saw more than the others did, I saw Sierra straddling her lap and that catsuit, saw the way Gabby looked at her. I’d seen little moments like those alot, Sierra had even sat in Gabby’s lap on the bus, even when there was enough room for everyone to sit on the seats. 

It was getting hard to ignore it and I really wanted to say something to Gabby about it, but I trusted her. She wouldn’t cheat on me. Would she? She had slept with Sierra more than once without Newton knowing and she wasn’t throwing me against walls or into bathrooms. 

“Are you spying on them?” Austin asked.

“Not really, well, maybe.” 

“Least there not trying to kill one another, I like this friendly nature more.” 

“Yeah, I think I liked it better when they didn’t talk.” 

He looked out at them, Sierra was leaned down whispering something in her ear and the look on her face wasn’t quite shock or fright.

“You can’t think…” 

“It’s not hard Austin, I know she cheated on Newton with her. She’s openly confessed to loving her.” 

“But she married you.” 

“Yeah, but Sierra never got a chance.” 

“Come on Z, Gabby knows what it’s like, she’s not going to do that. I admit that this doesn’t look that great.” 

“It doesn’t look great, even I admit but don’t worry Zac, Gabby won’t go with her and Sierra wouldn’t even if she agreed.” Carrick said.

“How do you know?” 

“Because I told Sierra a few weeks ago if her intention was to try to get her to bed, I’d fire her myself.”

“Oh.” 

They left me standing there but really, his words provided little comfort. If they wanted too, they weren’t going to be that public or get caught. It was just another thing on my list of worries, I wanted her to have friends and be social but I didn’t want her to forget about me. I finally walked onto the stage and per usual, the moment Sierra saw me she backed away as if they were doing something wrong. The flushed color of my wife’s face and the look in her eyes wasn’t comforting either.

“So, did you marry me for my sexual abilities?” Gabby asked.

I looked at her confused. “What?” 

“The radio host asked you and you just left, never answered. We heard the interview while we were setting up.” 

“Oh, I was wondering. No, I didn’t. At least not solely for them.” 

“Well, that’s good. I can’t believe they have pictures and still asked if I was blonde, dude I need to get a blonde wig and just wear it for the hell of it.” 

“Uh.no. Black maybe not blonde. Walking today?” 

“No. Austin saw Damien this morning while we were unloading, he was like watching the bus. Austin called the cops but he was gone when they arrived. So, I think it’ll be better if I stay inside. He’s like getting more brave. I called Mabis and told him.” 

“Stay with me, he won’t mess with you then.” 

“Every time you tell me that I end up somewhere with Isaac or Taylor.” 

“Just stick your hand in my pocket and make them stay away.”

I truthfully liked when she walked with us, it made me feel like we spent some time together.

“I think she should stay Zac, we don’t know what he wants.” 

Or she didn’t want to come with me but wanted an hour alone here with her? I tried to rationalize that they were right Damien wasn’t being harassing or anything, but the fact that he was around was a problem. So I didn’t keep on, just found the others. 

“You okay Zac?” Tay asked.

“Yeah, Gabby didn’t want to walk today. Damien was seen this morning and it seems like every time I tell her she can stay with me, she ends up somewhere else.”

“It’ll be fine man, if his intentions are to hurt her then it’s probably better. Even with you he may not care.” 

“He won’t come near her with me there but anyway, where are we going?” 

I could hear the drums as we talked and I tried to focus, but it was hard. I decided that I needed to speak to her, I had too because this was stupid. I wanted to say that for sure she wasn’t fooling around but it was getting hard to ignore the subtle looks, touches, and the way they acted. She’d known Abby far longer and they didn’t act that way at all. 

The speech was a blur to me, the first half was a blur too, I was sure people thought I was insane. I was standing alone to the side when I felt a keycard slip into my pocket, but when I turned it wasn’t a blonde! She didn’t look like any fan we’ve ever had. She was about Gabby’s height, long black hair that was straight, she had a come get me attitude look. She had on a black tank that showed a vine tattoo on her arm and tight black pants with heels.

“I’m sure you want to follow me home.” 

I got her card from my pocket and held it out. “Sorry, I’m married.”

She didn’t take it just smiled. “I know you are. I can take you places you’ve never been.”

“So can my wife. I don’t want your card.” 

She got really close to me. “Believe me, you want to come to my room.” 

She then walked away and I was left with this card. Fuck, if Gabby saw the card then sure enough it wouldn’t end well. I put it up and we headed back and I considered not bothering but she was waiting in the lobby when we got back. Clearly she already knew because she didn’t look all that happy.

I just handed it to her. “She refused to take it back, figured the trash would be a good place.” 

“Damien saw you, sent me the picture.” 

“I figured when you here waiting, but come on Gabby I wasn’t using the card and it was going in the trash like the others.” 

“The others? There were other cards you threw away?”

“Yes. Because not all of would give me time to hand them back and decline. They all went in the trash.”

“Positive about that?” 

I paused because that was clearly an accusation and I know it was just insecurities and really we needed to talk. Because I was about to really say something stupid and irrational. 

“I’m positive.” I replied.

I didn’t want to say anything about her actions, not at this moment when people were around. It was far better to deal with this in private.

“Stage is set up, everything is ready for you guys to sound check.” 

I went on back and I knew I needed to talk to her. We had some time late this week and I found Taylor and Isaac and I informed them not to schedule anything for Friday because I was going to do something with Gabby, I didn’t care if it was just a few hours sitting on the bus or sitting at some random coffee shop. They agreed with me and marked their own personal calendars with no’s so they wouldn’t schedule anything else. We then did our sound check which Gabby stood to the side and waited in case there was a wire wrong somewhere, but things went well. The show that night even went very good, but during the acoustic portion of the show I saw the same woman, Gabby was elsewhere in the building but even with her dark hair, she did nothing for me.

I was almost settled with my thoughts that Gabby and Sierra were nothing but as we left to the next city it was reiterated when Gabby chose her lap instead of mine to sit in. Couple days and I could ask her and explain why I was feeling this way and hopefully her answers had nothing to do with divorce or wanting to be with her.

I hated feeling this way because I loved Gabby. She was everything I wanted and I didn’t want to be without her.


	43. Confessions

POV: Gabby

  

October 15, 2008

We’d arrived in Baltimore early but had to wait for a bit before we could begin setting up. Not that it mattered, the boys left at 6 am for a television interview and then I think two radio shows but I wasn’t sure. Because I was awake I was sitting at the table in the front just sketching, the image was Zac, it was one no one would be able to see. I rather wish I could drag him away and just tell the others to deal with their show without him.

Carrick came through about 10, sleepy and I moved the clean sheet of paper up, covering most of the lower half.

“Dear god, are you drawing naked Zac again?” 

“Maybe.” 

He got a bottle of water and sat down. “Been that long?” 

“Monday before we left…it’s been too long.” 

He fiddled with the lid of the bottle and by his expression I knew there was something on his mind.

“What’s up?” 

“It’s none of my business but you and Sierra, I know your friends and I know that you have a past. But, there’s nothing going on between you two now right?” 

“No. She knows I’m married and I know it too. I have a reminder.” 

He smiled. “Best remember that. I’m going to figure out breakfast.” 

“I boiled some eggs earlier, wasn’t real hungry so I had three left.”

“How many did you fix?” 

“Six. The package was going out of date and I knew eventually they’d be eaten.” 

He smiled and grabbed them and as the bus woke up I put the tablet away. We got busy when we could but Abby kept sending me messages all morning, she was bored and wanted to talk. It made unloading feel slow even though we were right on time. Once everything was inside it was setting it up, we took a quick lunch break and then tested the items. It took forever because nothing seemed to work. But, finally the sound was fixed. It was close to 1:30 already and I knew the guys were eating on the way back. My phone was in the 20% range though and that wouldn’t last.

“Hey guys, I’m going out to get my charger and maybe a change of clothes.” 

“Okay.” Carrick called.

Sierra and Andrew echoed the same thing so I headed outside but Austin caught up.

“I’ll walk you out.” 

“So sweet, I should be fine though.” 

“Zac will stomp our butts if something happens to you, besides I need to get my bag anyway.”

We stepped outside and shivered some, the weather was warm but storms were coming in quickly. We were due up for some later tonight according to the weather, but as I got close to the bus I noticed a girl standing there. It oddly looked like Sierra was standing there, the same dark hair with blue coloring the same dark clothes but it wasn’t Sierra.

“Tera?” I asked.

“Hey! There you are. I was about to text you and say I was here.” 

“Do you know her?” Austin asked.

“Yeah, she’s a friend. Tera this is Austin, this is Tera.”

She briefly said hi to him and he said hi to her, but that was the extent of their conversation. Austin seemed uncertain about her.

“What are you doing here?” 

“I came to talk to you, was hoping that maybe we can talk?” 

“There’s not much to talk about Tera, I know what you did.” 

“I’d like to talk about that and other things, please Skye just give me an hour.” 

“You could sit here on the bus, it’s private.” Austin said.

I nodded and we got on, he got his bag and headed inside and I lead her to the rear lounge where it would be private, I pulled the door too but didn’t lock it. There was no need to lock the door.

“What do you want? Why did you dye your hair?” 

“Can you at least sit down?” 

I humored her and sat down, leaving space between us and she turned to me.

“Look, Heather yelled at me for hours because I gave Zac the pills. I shouldn’t have without telling him what they were and what he was taking.” 

“Then why did you? You knew he doesn’t do that shit, but you gave him ecstasy and didn’t even tell him or I. What if we had left Tera? He could have killed us both. You had no idea how he would react to that. It was a stupid and immature thing to do.”

She fiddled with the tail of her shirt. “I thought if he got high he would be more willing to follow Emily, the blonde you sent away. I was hoping that you’d see him and leave again. I didn’t know you were right there and I didn’t know that sending her away would turn his attention to you. After you got in his lap he didn’t see a damn soul after that. Just you.”

“I’m his wife Tera, why the fuck would you try to get him to go with someone else?” 

“Because I love you! Fuck Skye I’ve loved you since the first time we were together. Why do you think I kept coming back? But when you met Sierra that was it, that’s all you saw. You didn’t see any fucking body else but her. I figured if I looked like her you’d see me but you didn’t. I thought for sure when you came to me you were coming to me, but then you just left with some guy. Damn Skye you came to me when he fucked up and you still went back.” 

I blinked, that was totally new information to me. She’d never even given me any indication that she liked me, let alone more. Tera had never been a committed relationship type person, none of her boy or girlfriends lasted long even before she met me.

“Why would you think that would be okay though? Tera I…I told you when I came the first time. I didn’t…” 

“I know but I hoped that you would see, that you’d see how much I cared about you and you’d see. I thought when you showed up you’d realized it. I never expected you to fucking get married to some guy.”

“Tera I came to you because you don’t ask questions, you don’t pressure me to talk about anything. You’re a great friend in that sense but I don’t…I never meant to lead you on if that’s what I did.”

“You never did I was just hoping that one day you’d realize that I love you. I want to be the person you come home too, the person you draw naked, the person you call all the time. I told Sierra to leave when she showed up, because I knew if you saw her you would leave with her. I didn’t want you to leave Skye, I wanted you to stay.” 

“Why now? Why the fuck are you doing this now? You can’t love me, you’ve had multiple relationships, you never came after me when I left. You didn’t even stop me when I was clearly overdosing on cocaine.” 

“I was hoping the drugs would make you see. I didn’t because you left in the middle of the night Skye, I didn’t even know you were gone and I was just as high as you.” 

I rubbed my temples because this was fucking insane, there was no way she loved me like that, it wasn’t possible. She’s be the least likely person because we had sex twice and both times Newton was with us and after when we were it wasn’t the same feeling.

“Skye?” 

“I’m sorry Tera, I don’t love you. I’m married to Zac and I want that to work.”

“He doesn’t love you Skye! He accepted cards from women he’s bound to have gone to at least one. Come on.” 

“He didn’t when you sent that girl to him. He wouldn’t have gone with her, even if I wasn’t there.” 

“Yeah, I know. I got to watch him basically finger fuck you in the pool, it should have been me there. Neither of you even fucking noticed me on the deck, he want to fuck you right there and you didn’t even notice. Fuck my room was below you two, it’s all I fucking heard. I was trying to make you see he’s not right for you. Sierra is no better, she fucking left you here and went off to California. If she loved you as much as she fucking claimed then she would have found a way.” 

“Like you? You wait until I’ve been married almost a year then you want to just drop in and tell me? What the hell Tera? This is not funny. You tried to set him up with drugs which could have seriously hurt him or caused us both to be hurt, you then get pissed because he doesn’t fuck someone else instead it’s me, which is who he’s supposed to be fucking. I don’t understand what you’re doing here at all. Why not wait until I’m home? Why here? Why now?” 

“I couldn’t keep waiting on you to finally realize you love me. I just couldn’t.” 

“I don’t love you Tera. I never have.” 

“Why not? I’ve done everything I could. I was there any fucking time you needed someone, I was there to wipe away the tears that they fucking caused you to cry. How many times did you cry because that bitch left you? How long because he was fucking some bitch in New York while you were in the hospital?”

“You never stayed either. You left the band after the first tour Tera, you sent Sierra away without even asking me, you just took over. You nearly let me die Tera, that’s not love. So, what are you doing here?” 

My phone beeped but I didn’t bother to check it, I was still trying to digest this information from Tera. She looked sincere but she’d had more than enough time and chances to tell me and she hadn’t. She had years and she hadn’t hunted me down before.

“Skye.” 

“I’m sorry Tera. I just don’t feel that way about you. I love Zac and I want to be with him. He’s what I’ve always wanted and I’m not going to screw that up.” 

Her head kind of lowered and she slid over next to me. “Please, Skye. You have to.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

She sat there a long moment, I was about to get up and say we were done, there was nothing else for us to discuss. I wasn’t leaving Zac for her. She sniffled and I turned to her and then she lunged, I narrowly missed cracking my head open on the back wall, my hands got pinned by her breast, and before I had time to stop her lips were on mine and the same bubble gum flavor they always had. I heard the door start to open and even the distinct sound of it hitting the frame.

“Gabby I…” Zac’s voice filtered through my brain. 

I saw him and that look before he just turned and walked out, I pushed Tera away and fell off the sofa. That look was probably the same one he had when he caught Priscilla. There was no way I was going to let him just walk away!

“Zac, wait.” 

I heard the bus door slam shut that wasn’t good, shit. Tera followed me off the bus but stalled me just outside the door, before I could get too far.

“STOP! I’ve done told you I don’t love you. Just go, you’ve done enough.” 

The bus door closed and I ran across the space, who cares if Damien was there, I had to catch him I had to explain. It took three swipes of my key card to get inside and I finally caught up with him in the hallway.

“Zac stop!”

I got his hand and that turned him to me, that look hurt like hell. I could see the pain in his face, which was not always so evident. He was really hurting. I wasn’t stupid it was a repeat of his worst time.

“It’s not what you think Zac.” 

“Really? Sierra was just shoving her tongue down your throat to what? Save you? I should have known every fucking sign was there, the sitting in her lap, being with her all the time, the times she’s at the drums with you. Every sign was there and I ignored them because I was a stupid idiot that believed you loved me.” 

“Sierra? That wasn’t her, that was Tera. She came to tell me how she loved me and I told her I wanted to be with you.” 

“Don’t lie to me now Gabriella, that’s just like being slapped again. It doesn’t excuse the fact that her tongue was down your throat.” 

“She kissed me! I didn’t ask her too! Come on you know me.” 

“I thought I knew you, but clearly I didn’t. I’ll cancel the venue it’s clear you don’t want to be married to me. It’s clear you’d rather be with Sierra than anyone else. I was going to ask you Friday but I don’t guess I need too.” 

“Zac that’s not…” 

He pulled his hand out of mine and started to walk away.

“No. Don’t do this, I’m sorry it’s not what you think. I don’t want either of them, I want you. Just you. Please, Zachary just listen to me, please don’t walk away from me.” 

He didn’t even stop, just kept walking toward the front and left me standing there in the hallway. All the walls I built up just crumbled into dust. It felt like the world imploded and was crushing me. All I could remember was waking up to be left alone, seeing Max walk away and now he was too and yet somehow the sharp pain was so much worse this time.

“Gabby?” Andrew asked.

I could barely see him through the haze of tears, he’d just walked away and he was canceling the venue so he wasn’t going to even listen to me. The one thing I feared he’d do, he’d done.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“I’m going to the bus.” 

I turned and walked to the back door, god that stinging was worse and I was halfway to the bus before I realized that wasn’t going to do me any good. My chest was hurting so badly that being on that bus was going to be worthless. I would just remember everything.

He’d walked away and he wouldn’t even listen to me! I’d at least listened when he said the pictures were fake, listened when he told me the keys had been thrown away. I have one incident and he walks away? I just couldn’t, my feet carried me up the alleyway to the right, they would be walking the other direction so I turned left and just ran.

I ran as hard as I could and as fast as I could. I just ran in a straight line so if I felt like going back I could. I ran until my lungs burned and then I slowed some. I stopped to catch my breath for a moment, let the burning in my lungs replace the pain in my chest. It felt different, so much worse than it had with Max. Evidently Shawn had been right, Zac was real love.

“Poor little Gabriella, all alone in the big bad world.” She said.

I thought it was some bitch of a fan until I looked up. “Scarlet?” 

“Oh, you do remember me! I wasn’t sure if you did. Gee you haven’t changed still the pathetic little child you were when we met.” 

“Just leave me alone.”

She started to me and I stood up straighter. Scarlet had never done anything to help when Simon was doing things, she would just watch or leave the room. She hadn’t tried to protect me, to stop them, or report the abuse. She had given me no reason to ever trust her, that extended to this moment.

“You look like someone killed your kitten. Poor baby, you always were quite pathetic.” 

I really didn’t want to deal with this, I’d just go back to the venue and hide somewhere. Maybe I could get him to listen to me after dinner and before the show. I turned to just head back to the venue and I took five steps before Damien seemed to appear from nowhere, he was wearing the same dark clothes he always did. 

“Where are you going Gabby?”

Fuck, there wasn’t enough room to run either direction around him, so I ran across the street and started back toward the venue but he followed me and I was a few blocks away when someone stepped out in front of me, I ran all over him.

“You should watch where you run Gabs.” 

I looked up at the guy in the nice clothes and found Ash looking at me. He’d always rooted him on, couldn’t imagine he’d be helping me now. I turned to run and Damien cut me off, so I ran north through a parking lot, turning left onto the street. I then just ran, I zigzagged through the streets trying to always stay on the same few so I could find my way back, I crossed through a budget rental place, then somehow ended up at some research building. Behind the building I found a good place and hide. I needed to slow my breathing down and my side was cramping just a bit. I could hear them still, but couldn’t see them. I got my phone and I called Zac but it immediately went to voicemail.

“No...answer the call please.” 

I tried twice more and it kept going to voicemail, I tried Taylor and Isaac and theirs did too. I didn’t hear them so I stepped out and headed down toward the venue, same general direction, turning left on S. Greene and then right on Baltimore, I knew Baltimore ran near the venue. Yet it was Scarlet that showed up beside me just a block from the research place.

“Why are you running? We don’t want to hurt you.” 

It wasn’t long before Ash was on the other side and I knew Damien was nearby, they diverted our direction and lead me back the way I had just came. Through the medical center area, where I’d hidden and then they lead me into a very small cemetery. Damien was near a tree, which provided shelter and coverage, even with people nearby it wasn’t apparent what he was doing. The cloudy skies didn’t help.

“I don’t know why you keep running, what have we ever done to make you fear us so much?” 

I didn’t answer, I just wanted to get back. “What do you want?” 

He moved to be right in front of me and with him that close I could see the silver teeth, that was not good for anyone. I’d known Damien had metal vampire teeth, he’d showed them to me many times and begged Simon to let him use them that one time. Simon refused because he didn’t want him to leave marks on me.

“The floppy disk that Simon put in your bag. He told me it was there, where is it? I saw you using the same bag.” His voice sounded off because of the teeth.

“I don’t have it.” 

He laid his hands on my shoulders and I could feel the tips of his nails on my back, he’d intentionally put them under the straps of my sleeveless shirt.

“Do not lie to me Gabriella. You know I don’t like that.” 

“I’m not lying, I don’t have it.” 

His left hand moved down some, those nails scraping across my skin, I could feel the slight shiver course through my body. I felt when he dug them in on the back of my arm, could feel the warm blood begin to flow down my arm.

“Gabriella, those little punk ass thugs that broke in will pale in comparison to what I will do. Where is the disk Gabriella? You get one more chance.” 

“I don’t have it, I found it but I gave it to two Detectives, they were working the case from November. I didn’t know what was on it.” 

His left hand turned into my arm and that really hurt. “Did you look at it?” 

“No.” 

He tightened his hand around my arm, then moved me quickly against the tree, my back hit the trunk and that hurt. He was so close to me then, I could feel him against my body and I hated that. I hated the feeling of him that close to me. Hated his smell too.

“Don’t lie to me.” 

“It had lists on it..but they were…they were codes.”

“Could you decode it?”

I shook my head but his nails dug in tighter. “Only half, it was dealers.” 

He leaned down and I tried to move away but I was trapped here, I felt the cold metal slide across my neck.

“We’re our names on the list?” 

“No…”

I felt the sharp points on the base of my neck then the sharp pain that caused me to scream, which he was quick to stop. The pain burned and seared on my neck.

“Simon wants you back home. Seeing as you won’t come on your own, guess you can come back with us.” 

“I don’t want too.” 

“He’s not really giving you the choice, Gabriella.” Scarlet said.

I wasn’t going back to him, I’d take Tera’s offer and live there before ever returning to Simon. It was a stupid decision but I kicked Damien as hard as I could and I ran, I cut across the middle of the cemetery, jumping the little small fence that lined the area, I didn’t even slow down as I ran across three lanes of traffic, paused briefly at the medium and then went across the next three. I went through a broken piece of fence which ripped my shirt and then I was in a subdivision.

I could hear them coming behind me, Scarlet screaming my name, I made a sharp left turn and ran for a few blocks, before making a right, which I subsequently ran one block and made another right, but my plan to double back failed because Damien was at the block so it was left I went, running past a church. I tried a few more times to double back, but one of them was always there. Most of the area was residential, so I finally found a place to duck into for a moment. It was some place behind a business, parking mostly but there was a good size fence and I hadn’t seen or heard them. I tried my phone to see if I could reach someone but everyone was going to voicemail. I sent Sierra a text that begged her to answer the phone.

I could feel blood running down my back, down my chest. I used my right hand to feel and it was so much there, my hand was completely red. The wound couldn’t be that bad, it was just the running. My arm was bleeding too but I went ahead and ripped my shirt to tie around it. I took another piece and held it on my neck, hoping to stop the bleeding at least. 

I tried GPS to see where I was but the battery was at 13% and it was being very slow so I stopped it, I exited and then I heard her voice.

“Skye! Are you here?” 

I looked up because that was Tera’s voice! I put my phone away and peeked around the corner, she was standing at the end of the road, alone.

“Skye? Come on I know you’re around here somewhere. I’ve been following. We need to get back to the venue where it’s safe. Zac can protect you.”

I came out of my hiding spot she would get me back to the venue like she said. She maybe mad or whatever about me not loving her back but she would help me. She just said she would!

“Tera?” I asked.

She turned and smiled. “There you are.” 

I was almost to her when Ash and Damien came around the corners, that made no sense but I slowed, confused.

“Come on Gabriella, it’s time to stop running.”

“Tera?” I asked.

“Just stop, go back to Simon where you belong. I’m sure Zac will move on, I mean really he thinks your with Sierra. I guess the hair color helped.” Tera said.

I didn’t have time to analyze her words, I had to get away so I just turned and ran like hell again, going right when I could and I ran. It was getting dark so that was a good thing for me, I tried to actually go down darker roads, making acute turns and even doubling around if I had too. I passed another park and kept running, I could hear Damien behind me. I made a few more sharp turns and found myself at a bridge that crossed over a railroad and a river, couple hundred feet from there was another cemetery. I ran under the arched entry and considered stopping but I wasn’t sure if they were behind me so I cut across and after some time I got behind a monument and waited.

I could hear thunder in the distance and I again tried to reach someone but clearly Zac was still pissed off and Sierra was too evidently, she wasn’t answering. The time said it was 7:15. Sierra should be on stage but no reason for Zac. The battery was down to 11%, so I went ahead and got GPS to give me directions back, they were pretty simple but fuck I’d gone four miles! I waited until after the sun would have set, the darkness was all around us. I moved to the same entrance but I could see Scarlet and Tera standing there talking. I tried the other two exists and Ash was at once, Damien the other one. 

Fuck! They had me trapped inside the cemetery! It made sense really because this place was huge. I tried Zac again, but it wouldn’t even go through now. The thunder was right over us and the lighting was even getting a bit scary. I needed shelter but there was nothing here, no covered areas but the entrance and Scarlet and Tera were still there. I sat down on the backside of a wide and tall monument and just cried.

I’d been stupid to have Tera on the bus alone, stupid to think Zac could actually love me. Jacob was right, I just wasn’t loveable. I’d royally fucked everything up. I was pretty sure since Zac wasn’t answering or calling back he was done with me. One fuck up. I got my phone just before the rain started and tried, it was 8:45 but it wouldn’t connect.

“Please.” I silently begged as I tried Sierra’s number. 

But it rang twice and the battery signal came up, 5%. I was trying to call Zac again when the phone shut off completely. Thankfully, I remembered the directions. Yet, the rain started after that and I had nowhere to go. I could barely see the front and they were sitting there talking as if they’d known each other a while.

I got to analyze her words sitting here, the hair color was to make him think it was Sierra. It had done a very good job. But what kind of stuck was, this is what she wanted. Everyone knew I’d run if I got hurt, clearly she wanted that. She wanted him to hurt me enough to run, which means most of what she said, was probably false. 

I looked around and the fence around the cemetery was high, but I had to try. I couldn’t just sit here all night. I went to the far end and tried to climb the rails, but the metal was slick with rain so all I truly accomplished was another cut to my leg and ripped shorts. 

It had to be late, even if Zac hated me for that one kiss…he wouldn’t leave me here…would he?

No. That was stupid he was upset and pissed off but he wouldn’t just leave me, even if he did Sierra wouldn’t leave without me. I tried to turn my phone on after a while and nothing. They had no idea where I was, how would they even find me? 

One kiss. But, Zac had said Sierra and clearly he was already thinking we were hooking up because of what he said. I’d been an idiot. The looks he’d given me when he’d seen us, unsure and confused. Clearly he was going to tell me Friday about how he thought we were doing more. Guess he didn’t have too now.

The wind was blowing so I drew up as tight as I could against the monument, trying to get as much protection from the wind and rain as I could. My shoulder was still bleeding some, I could feel it but my arm and leg weren’t. This was the tallest monument here, so it did give some protection but only if the wind blew against it from the other side.

I drew my knees up to my chest and silently cried again, it’s all I could do. I’d ruined the best thing in my life by trusting someone that I shouldn’t. I’d made more stupid decisions and left the safety of the venue and here I was, stuck in a cemetery in the middle of a thunderstorm, soaking wet, cold and very much alone.


	44. Communication is Key

POV: Zac

  

October 15-16, 2008

I really hadn’t expected to see her kissing someone else, hadn’t expected it at all and it hurt like a mother fucker. I couldn’t talk to her right then, I just walked away and found the first room where I could break down before the walk. It made walking bearable but I really just wanted to curl up and die. I forced myself to be as normal as possible through the walk, sound check, dinner, and even the show. But I was fighting it so badly, that pain and I wanted to break down and just cry.

I didn’t want to believe that Gabriella would willingly cheat on me with Sierra, but I saw them on the couch! It was hard to erase that image. Gabriella’s hands were all on her breast, tongue down her throat. It was a constant reminder of what I’d found when I caught Priscilla, only she was naked and he was actually fucking her. 

“Zac what is wrong?” Isaac asked.

“Nothing.” 

“Come on, you were alone in a room crying when Taylor found you for the walk, you’ve been misty eyed all afternoon, you look like your kitten was murdered in cold blood.” 

Kitten..it’s what Sierra called her and I wondered how many times she’d gotten her to purr since we left Oklahoma. That caused more tears that I couldn’t quite stop and I felt Isaac’s hand on my back.

“Zac? Come on, talk to us.”

“I’ve been thinking that Sierra and Gabby were too close, you guys had to notice as well. I went to the bus to see if she was walking and I caught them.” 

“You caught them?” Taylor asked.

“Sierra’s tongue was down her throat and her hands were all on Sierra’s chest. She came inside but I couldn’t talk to her, I can’t even now. This feels worse than when I caught Priscilla. I can’t…I just...” 

“When was this?” Taylor asked.

“Right after we got back, before the walk.” 

“It couldn’t have been Sierra Zac. She approached me right after we got back because she was concerned about a wire on my keyboard. She said she’d noticed it was taped. She was with me until I went to find you. There is no way she could be in two places.” 

“But..I saw her Taylor.” 

“It wasn’t her.” 

Austin had come in about the time I’d said Taylor’s name. “Who wasn’t her?” 

“Zac said he saw Sierra on the bus with Gabby, but Taylor said she was inside with him.” Ike said.

“I saw a girl with the same hair color as Sierra, but her name was Tera. Gabby introduced us when we went out.” 

“Why were you with her?” I asked.

It sounded much harsher and more accusing than I intended.

“Easy there tiger. She went outside to get her charger and I went with her to get my shower bag. The girl was by the door and she asked her talk. I recommended the bus because she’d be safe on the bus. Sierra wasn’t anywhere near and when I came inside she was with Taylor. Speaking of, where is Gabby?” 

“She should be breaking things down.” Taylor said.

“She’s not on the stage, Andrew was grumbling because she’d been on the bus all afternoon.”

I looked up at him. “She’s not inside helping or outside?” 

“Not that I saw, in fact I’m going to help them so we can leave on time.” 

“She’s probably on the bus.” Isaac said.

“She told me it was Tera and I didn’t believe her. I’ll go see if she’s on the bus.” 

“Sure that’s wise?” Ike asked. 

“Let’s face it Isaac, we can’t avoid one another forever. When we leave we’ll be within 72 feet of one another and her bunk is above mine.” 

“You’ve been doing a good job of it.” Carrick said.

“What the hell does that mean?” 

“It means that the last two tours you made time to be with her, this one you haven’t. You broke lunch dates, dinner dates, you haven’t even dragged her off to some bathroom somewhere. She probably feels alone but you should see if she’s at least okay.”

Carrick wasn’t wrong, I usually did find somewhere even if it was the bus. I got up and headed outside, some fans were there but I went right to the bus and got on. DJ was sitting in his seat eating but I went to the back, she wasn’t in the lounge or any of the bunks, not even the bathroom. 

“Hey DJ, have you seen Gabby?” 

“No. I got up about nine and she wasn’t on the bus. But, your phone went off several times and it’s been beeping.” 

I’d forgot that I’d even plugged it up in my bunk, intent on leaving it there until we came back from the walk. I checked it and found she’d called several times. But, when I called back it went straight to voicemail. I went inside and while they packed up the equipment I searched the entire building. Every nook and cranny and I didn’t find her.

“What are you doing Zac?” Sierra asked.

“Have you seen Gabby or heard from her since this morning?” 

“She called a few times but I was busy, I just assumed she was on the bus or something. Why?” 

I explained to her what happened earlier and her normally calm eyes just darkened and took on that look that I’d much rather not ever see again. Kind of reminded me a stormy volcano and much worse than Abby ever thought to be.

“You fucking walked away from her when she was asking you not too? Are you fucking stupid? It’s the same stupid shit Max did and Shawn. What time was that?” 

“Before the walk, Sierra don’t even lay that shit on me and I know about that. I caught her with someone else. Just like I did my ex.” 

“Fair enough, but you can handle those emotions Zac. She told Andrew she was going to bus but she’s not here or there, odds are she fucking ran. I wish I’d answered.” 

She tried her and voicemail is all she got as well.

“You mean she left the venue? Where would she go? Sierra’s it’s been pouring down rain for hours. She would have come back here, even if she was hurt and pissed at me she would come back.” 

“Unless she can’t, Damien hasn’t been seen, but doesn’t mean he’s not watching.”

Everyone stopped packing and searched the building to make sure she hadn’t found a spot to hide and fallen asleep or something, when it was clear that she wasn’t here I told them to finish packing the stuff up, we had to be out of the venue on time, with or without her.

“If she ran Zac we’re not going to find her without the police.” Isaac said.

“I can GPS her phone.” 

“You can what?” he asked.

“When she ran away the first time I installed a GPS tracker on her phone and the app on mine, she has it with her because she’s called since then. If her phone is off or dead I can at least see where she was last.” 

I ignored the looks they gave me and checked the app, I didn’t understand the route she took. It zigzagged, routed back and forth, went in circles at times, but it kept getting farther away. Through streets, side roads, alleys, and then it stopped. 

“Where was the last stop?” 

“Almost four miles from here, it looks like maybe a park or something. I’ll take a cab out front and head there. Once the bus is loaded come there too and pick us up. It’ll take too long to walk back.” 

“What if she’s not there?” 

“Then meet me there so we can all talk to the police.” 

The cabs were in the front so I went there and the driver was polite, I showed him on the phone where I needed to go.

“That’s Mount Olivet Cemetery, I know where it is. It’s not that huge though.” 

The drive took 25 minutes for the traffic and because of the weather. He parked in front of a covered area and I got out, but didn’t have him stay. I went under the huge arch and assumed if she was here she’d be under this, she wasn’t. 

“Gabby?” I yelled.

I could tell someone had been under here, there was wet shoe prints on the concrete, looked liked heels. I stepped out and the rain began to soak my shirt, the wind was chilly.

“Gabby?” I yelled.

I couldn’t see her anywhere, so I moved into the cemetery, following the path cars used, Gabby and I had visited one or two since that first one, she liked statues and monuments, if she was in here upset then she’d be around those. I walked around for fifteen minutes trying to find her. 

I had a feeling she was here, why she hadn’t left and come back was beyond me but I paused and just screamed her name. When I got no answer I just followed my gut instincts. She liked big monuments and I saw one in the far back so I went there and found her sitting on the ground with her head on her knees behind it.

“Gabriella?” 

She barely moved her head to me and when I ran toward her she began to back away quickly and get up to run, she however was slipping in the mud and she looked afraid.

“It’s Zac, Gabby it’s okay. It’s Zac!” 

It took a few moments for her to comprehend who I was before she moved toward me. Her words weren’t very audible but I was pretty certain she was saying she was sorry over and over again. I could also tell she’d been here a while, her clothes were completely soaked through and she was shaking pretty badly. As pissed off as I was earlier, I couldn’t quite deny knowing she was okay was a good feeling. I couldn’t see her face very well though, couldn’t see any of her very well. 

“We need to get out of the rain, there is a covered arch in the front. We can wait for the bus there.”

It was a very long walk to that arch and once she was out of the rain it was evident she was cold. I pulled her to me and just waited, we had to wait 30 minutes on the bus. It wasn’t until she got on the bus that I realized how she looked. She was soaked and shaking, her clothes were dirty but what bothered me was the red spots on her shirt, the rips in her clothes, and the fact she wasn’t talking to me unless it was she was sorry.

“Kitten? What the hell happened?” 

She just stood there and I told DJ we could go, I laid my hand on her shoulders gently. 

“Go on to the bathroom, I’ll find you something warm to put on. I need to change also.” 

Gabby walked around Sierra and went to the bathroom and I looked at her. She hadn’t ignored Sierra since they talked, the fact that she had was a sign that she was very upset or something bad happened. 

“Will you find something warm for her to eat? Soup or something?” 

“Of course. I think I have some lavender tea too. Is she okay?” 

I shrugged and went to our bags, getting myself dry clothes and finding something she would be warm in. I found her footie pajamas and as much as I hated them they’d be warm. I got a t-shirt to put under it and then got her shower bag. I went to the bathroom but she hadn’t even undressed, she was just standing there.

I laid the clean clothes down in the dry sink and looked at her.

“Are you okay?” 

She shook her head no. “My neck hurts.” 

I walked to her, brushed her hair back and found two fairly bad little cuts, parallel to one another and they almost resembled vampire bites.

“Let’s get you cleaned up and then I can see if we need to visit the ER.” 

I helped her out of the shirt and untied the one around her arm. Once the wet clothes were off I used the hot water, it wouldn’t last long but it would help removed the dry blood on her back and chest. It was clear that something happened. When I was sure she was okay I went ahead and stripped, dried off and put my underwear on at least. I then helped her, even though the hot water had gone cold. Once the mud, dirt, and blood was washed away I wrapped her in the towel. Sat her down on the little toilet lid. 

The cuts on her neck weren’t that deep or that bad, they hurt because of where they were and the rain and dirt. I could feel her shaking though as I bandaged her up, cleaned and bandaged her arm and leg too. I then got the pajamas.

“You hate those.” 

“But they will help warm you up and that’s important right now.” 

“You don’t act like you hate me, I’m pretty sure you do.” 

I put the little foot part over her foot and then looked at her. “I don’t hate you, I was upset but I over reacted. I’m sorry that I walked away Gabriella. I was stupid and I shouldn’t have done that. I just saw what was happening and reacted.” 

“My fault.” 

“No. Not your fault.”

I got the legs on and zipped it up some, let her stand up I slipped the A-shirt on her and then let her finish getting it on while I put on clothes. By the time we stepped out Sierra had soup and tea made and we sat down. 

“I’m not really hungry.” 

“It’ll help warm you up.” I said.

I also knew she hadn’t eaten since probably lunch, I wanted her to eat something. Even after she ate she was just shaking still. My reasons was double the food would help the healing too.

“Kitten? Did Damien show up?” 

She nodded. “He wanted the disk but I don’t have it. He asked what was on it and then said he was taking me to Simon.”

“Why didn’t you come back to the venue?” She asked.

“I tried, they just kept following and then they trapped me in the cemetery I couldn’t get out to get back and my phone died.” 

“We can talk about that tomorrow, I think you need to lay down and get warm. Try to prevent sickness. I have some ibuprofen so those places don’t hurt.” 

I got the tablets and she took them and finished the tea but I could see the liquid shake so once she was done I got up. I stepped to the back to let them know she was okay, but we were laying down and we’d explain the next day. She went to get in her own bunk and I stopped her.

“Take mine, you don’t need to pull those bandages on your leg.” 

Going down was easier and once she was inside mine I slid in behind her and closed the curtain. 

“What are you doing?” 

I pulled the covers up over us both and pulled her against me. “Getting you warm.” 

“But…” 

“It wasn’t Sierra on the bus, I know that now. Taylor said she was with him from the time we got back until he left to find me. I just saw the hair and that was it, I jumped to conclusions and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry that I said what I did and I’m sorry for walking away from you.” 

“I shouldn’t have let her on the bus. I shouldn’t have trusted her. She said she loved me and that she dosed you to make me see, but she didn’t expect you not to take anyone else. I don’t think any of that was real though, I was close and I heard her calling my name. When I came out Damien and Ash were there. She was waiting with Scarlet at the arch. It’s why I didn’t come back, I couldn’t get out. I’m sorry, I didn’t want that.” 

She turned over to face me and I kissed her forehead, which felt cool. “How about you get warm and get some sleep, we’ll talk later today.”

She nodded some and I got the blanket a little higher and let her get close. I may burn up later on, but she needed to get to warm. The air on the bus was also on, so maybe it would help. I heard the others lay down not long after we did and she shook for a bit before she began to warm up. Once she stopped shaking her breathing became even. I fell asleep sometime after she did.

**October 16, 2008**

I woke up before Gabby even budged, she was still right against me and I laid here and listened to her breathing for a bit. Her forehead didn’t feel warm but I knew if she got sick it would probably take a few days. I could hear my brother’s up and moving around.

“Should we wake him up? We have a radio interview in a few hours.” Taylor said.

“No. Gabby didn’t look so good last night and he needs to stay here with her. We have the walk and show tonight, we’ll just tell the radio shows he is with his wife who wasn’t feeling well.” 

I was rather glad they didn’t make me go, they left about 7:30 and I actually fell back asleep and didn’t wake up until I felt her moving her hand on my arm.

“I need to get up.” 

I moved some and she crawled over me, she wasn’t gone very long though before she was back and crawling back over me. 

“You’re brothers aren’t here, where did they go?” 

“Radio interviews, there were like three. They left without bothering me, I heard Ike say they’d just tell them I was with you.” 

“You should have gone.” 

“No. I’m where I need to be.”

She laid her head back down and both of us didn’t wake back up until about noon. The bus was quiet and I was sure everyone was unloading or something, I went to the bathroom and she was sitting at the table when I came out.

“You okay?” 

“I need to check the bandages.” 

I checked her arm and neck there but the leg she stepped into the bathroom for, they looked okay and the one on her neck wasn’t near as bad. 

“We should probably go inside and get lunch, we can then talk.” 

“Inside?” 

“I can find a room with a lock.” 

“I don’t want to change.”

I kissed her forehead. “You don’t have too, your feet zip off, so just put shoes on.” 

“I only brought one pair with me, there ruined right now.” 

“Sierra won’t mind if you borrow her sandals or something.” 

“I’ll just change then, Capri’s and just one of your button ups should be fine.” 

She got a change of clothes and changed in the bathroom, I only changed shirts and then we went inside, we managed to time it so we were with the others at least but once we were done I found a room that would work, small with a couch and a chair and the door locked. It would let us talk without being interrupted. We sat down and I figured I should start.

“I’m sorry Gabriella. I can’t take back my actions of walking away from you, but I was upset and hurting and I didn’t know what to really do. I saw you and I remembered Priscilla and what she did. I was going to talk to you tomorrow anyway about Sierra. I know you both are close and I know I haven’t really been around much, but I’ve seen her straddle your lap several times and it just…it bothered me. I just saw the hair and thought it was her. I’m sorry I walked away, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. I should have and I should have handled it better.” 

She got my hand, held it. “No, we should have. I tried to talk but when you walked away it just hurt. I shouldn’t have left the venue. I should have gone to the bus like I told Andrew I was, I just..going across the alley I didn’t think it would do any good. I felt like everything fell apart and I just ran. Sierra maybe right there, I need to stop running when I get hurt or feel bad. I shouldn’t have ran, I should have gone to the bus and waited a little while.”

“We need to work on this communication thing better, I should have mentioned weeks ago that it was bothering me instead of waiting. I should have come to you and not let it continue to bother me, you would have come to me if she’d been that way toward me. I just let it build and then I didn’t even see anyone else on the bus but Sierra.” 

“I would have told her to stop if I knew it bothered you so much.”

“See, we both messed up. But, I am sorry for walking away and saying what I did. I’m not canceling anything and I want us to be together.” 

She laid her head on my shoulder. “I can’t imagine leaving now. I just…I can’t.” 

I kissed her forehead. “Not letting you anyway. So, it wasn’t Sierra on the bus it was Tera. What did she want? Why did she come all this way?”

“She said she came to tell me she loves me and that she has since we met, but she was just waiting on me to realize that I loved her. She said that she gave you the drugs hoping you would take some blonde back and I would see you. The blonde girl was her doing, she didn’t know I was there with you. She saw us from the deck and on the deck.”

“Do you not believe what she said?” 

“I did when she told me, she basically jumped me and I guess that was her trying to make me realize or something, I don’t know really. But, I told her I didn’t love her and I never have, it’s never been a question on if I did or not. I told her I was married to you and that’s where I wanted to be.”

“What about now?” 

“When I ran I intended to do a straight line, that way I could come back after a while. But, I ran into Scarlet, I started back and Damien stepped out. So, I went across the street, headed back this way and Ash stepped out. I just ran in the hopes of losing them so I could get back. I thought I did, there was a medical center straight down and I gave it time and when I headed back Scarlet and Ash flanked me and then lead me to the cemetery beside the medical place, where Damien was.”

“Is he the one that hurt you?” 

“He asked about the disk, I told him the detectives had it. He asked if I knew what was on it and when I said lists he asked if any of their names were on it. He left the marks on my arm from his fingernails and he has metal vampire teeth which is where the one of my neck came from. When he said he was taking me to Simon I kicked him and ran. I ended up at the cemetery where you found me. Tera had joined them, I had been hiding and she called my name. At the cemetery she and Scarlet were at the arch and Damien and Ash covered other exits. I tried to climb the fence but ripped my shorts and cut my leg.” 

“We need to call Mabis and tell him what happen, I don’t know if they can do anything. But, at least it’s on file.”

I called him myself and reported it, but there wasn’t much that could be done. The rain would have washed away saliva or DNA and without witnesses they had no way to prove he’d done anything. It was stupid how they could have these reports but not be able to do shit. 

“You know we should do something today, you have a walk soon and a show.” 

“Walk is in like an hour and a half. I guess we could, but I was content sitting here. It’s the most time we’ve had since we left.” 

“Yeah, but I need to make sure your drums are set up.” 

“I can always sit in your lap, might hurt though.” 

“I think it would hurt. But, you can sit and I can sit in yours.” 

“I like that idea.” 

The rest of our crew was almost done setting up the stage and instruments, none seemed mad. They’d all seen her get on the bus. 

“Nice look Kitten.” Sierra said.

She shrugged. “It covered what needed to be, I really rather wanted to keep my pj’s on though.” 

“So, have either of you bothered to check social media?” Carrick asked.

“No.” I said.

He brought up some page and handed it to us from his phone, really good picture of Gabby with the other three, probably taken when Damien bit her neck, based on her face. The replies were somewhere between she was cheating and she was scared. But I did find the picture and save it, but it didn’t show their faces.

“I don’t care. I know what happened.” 

I moved to the drums, she could probably test them herself but the cut on her leg might not feel so good. Once the set was adjusted she straddled my lap and sat down, we were just waiting on Taylor and Isaac at this point.

“See I like this combination better.” She said.

“You and I both. So very tempting.” 

“I’m still sleepy.” 

She emphasized that by laying her head down on my shoulder. I knew that feeling well, was glad tomorrow was an off day, nothing had been scheduled. But, I did vaguely see Sierra standing there with a camera.

“Shutterbug.” I said.

“It’s not often you two are this lovely, besides I can tweet it out and squish the rumors.” 

Gabby didn’t move from this spot until Taylor and Isaac got back, they wanted to know what happen so I gave them the rundown. 

“Well, we told everyone she wasn’t feeling well so no walking for you. You can pack up inside but don’t take anything to the trailer.”

“I can’t pick anything up for a day or two, cuts.” 

“I want to see your neck.” Isaac said. 

Since she needed to check the bandages anyway, I went ahead and removed them. Isaac was far better at deciding if she needed the hospital, but he said it should be fine.

“Tour doesn’t have much longer, couple more weeks. Given what happen I think if you do walk then you really do need to stay with Zac, even if you have to hold his hand the entire walk. If he has what he wants he won’t come back but if he was sent to take you back to Simon then he will. I’d much rather you not walk but I know you like too.” 

“I think I’ll just stay inside. I’ve got some stuff I can work on for Debbie. One time of being chased across Baltimore is enough.”

With that settled we fixed a route and she remained there with the others. She said she was going to talk to Sierra about the things I’d seen and by the time we got back she must have because Sierra was waiting.

“I’m sorry Zac, I didn’t mean to make you think something was going on between us, I’m not use to her being married. I was rather hoping she’d run to you though. I am sorry and I will back off.”

“Thank you.” 

“No problem, you could have just told me though dude. I’ll also back off calling her kitten, I should probably get use to Gabby or Gabs, it’s so weird to me.” 

“I don’t think she minds Skye.” 

“No, but no one calls her that. Are we good?” 

“Yeah. Where is she?” 

“She’s in the green room asleep. She wasn’t running a fever but she just felt tired. I’m not sure if she’s been sleeping well or not.” 

“She slept well last night but she did say she was tired, maybe sleep will prevent her from being sick.”

We left her alone and went ahead and got the sound checks done, set list planned and then I got her up for dinner. We had dinner with everyone and afterwards she told me she talked to Sierra and they came to an agreement, which was good. It was a pleasant show, no weirdness or strangeness. Afterwards they broke down the stage and she let the others take things out, but she stayed inside. Once we were done, we went out to the bus, I lead her to the bus before signing autographs and taking pictures, by the time we were back on she was back in her pajamas and like last night, I had her lay down with me. 

The last two days proved that communication is a key part of any relationship and that while we may argue or have disagreements running isn’t the answer. Hopefully she would stop doing that and I needed to work on not letting things build up. We did get to talk a little bit more about that before sleep took over. 


	45. Intentions

POV: Gabby

  

October 20, 2008; 5:45 am

I was asleep in Zac’s bunk when I felt him nudge my arm, I blinked a moment and saw him kneeling outside the bunk.

“What’s up?” 

“Shh, come on.” 

I blinked but rolled out of the bunk anyway, who knew with Zac what the deal was. But he had our shower bags and the bus wasn’t moving. I used the new flip flops so I could head inside, thankfully the clothes I had on were fine. We went inside and he was just waiting and then shower customer number ten was called and he walked to the counter. Seriously? He woke me up so he can shower?

“Come on.” 

“You know you can shower alone right?” 

“Yes.”

He still got my hand and lead me to the bathroom, I’d seen a lot of truck stop bathrooms but this one was nice. Beige tile walls with a row of glass tiles around the center, large countertops and a big open shower with a glass door. I would have taken in more details but as soon as he dropped the bag I found myself against the wall, his body pressing against mine and his lips firmly on mine. His intent wasn’t apparent at first, but it didn’t take long before I could feel his intention against my thigh. His hands were on my waist just holding me there.

“Did you finally get desperate?” 

“No, but it’s been too long and really both of us should have dragged the other off by now. DJ said he had to rest a bit, perfect timing.” 

“I won’t complain.” 

His hands moved under my shirt and I could feel the soft touch sliding up my side, I just let him raise the shirt on over my head, tossing it in the corner. His lips then trailed down my neck, avoiding the still sore spots and making their way right to the breast. 

“So evil of you to not wear a bra for several days and wear my shirts too.” 

“Maybe this was my intention?” 

His tongue flicked over the left nipple and I laid my head back against the tile wall. I’d been wanting this for weeks and it felt perfect. The softness of his tongue as he flicked over, rolled around and the slight pain that came with a little nibble. The way his free hand was massaging the other side and then he changed positions.

“Love the way you do that.” 

I ran my hands through his hair which was so much longer how. Great for me to grab a hold of, something he seemed to like. When his lips began downward I missed the contact but the anticipation was better. His teeth undid the button of my shorts and the zipper.

“You really like doing that.”

“I have to show off somehow.” 

He intentionally let his nails slid across my outer thighs as he slide them down, avoiding the little area on my leg too. The way his hands came up my legs was nice, going around to my ass where he tended to go. I knew this position wasn’t that great, but he was intent apparently, the soft kisses to my thighs, and he moved his hand to where I wanted it.

“Thinking about this much?” 

“What? Don’t think just seeing you on your knees is enough?” 

He kissed my abdomen. “Much rather you be on yours.” 

Yet his thumb seemed to make small circles around the clit and I couldn’t really think of a reply beyond just a moan. It didn’t take long before he replaced the thumb with his tongue and I was finding it hard to stand up. It was a pretty decent position, I liked that I could see him better and grab that hair, but the longer he went the less I found that I cared about balance. 

It really was no shock when he moved and got up, moving those kisses all over my abdomen and back around those nipples before finding my lips. I moved my hands up his side, he was far too dressed for this. The shirt slid up easily and he caught on quickly, tossing it with the rest of the clothes in the floor. I really did like the strong feeling of his body. Yet, I felt his hips press into me and I dropped my hands to his waist, undoing the buttons as he kept on with those soft little kissed all over my neck.

I got the pants undone and unzipped and moved across his jaw and down his neck, flipping him against the wall to the right.

“You’re turn.” 

His nipples were the most sensitive part of his chest really and it always took little to get them hard and to get moans from his lips. I moved down and while he hated anyone else to see the little tummy I never minded, loved it. Sliding the pants down took some effort, they were getting a bit tighter in general, the erection wasn’t helping. 

My hand moved to the sac, playfully massaging, while the other hand closed around the base, making full strokes a few times. I watched as his head fell back and then I ran the tip of my tongue up the underside, following the vein.

“Fuck..I’ve missed that.” 

I moved around the ridge, just the right pressure before I slipped the head into my mouth. He’d always tasted the same to me and I actually liked doing this for him. He was really good about not grabbing my head but I liked when his hands tangled in my hair. I knew however that too long would be bad, so I didn’t complain when he stopped me. I did the same thing, trailing kisses up his abdomen and chest before going after his neck.

He backed me against the counter but wouldn’t let me turn, instead he just lifted me up onto the counter and I wasn’t even sure if this was possible but then he was pushing into me and I rather liked the feeling, being so close.

He leaned in and kissed me. “I like seeing you.” 

I couldn’t deny that I rather like the face to face positions better myself, like the closeness this position afforded. Like how his hands were holding me closely to him, even the slower speed was nice. Ironically it allowed us both to watch so it was just hot. 

Even when I laid back, he kept a slow to medium pace, which was okay too. The position did allow him to use his hands more freely, which he took advantage of.

“Fuck...”

He pushed me to the edge that way and over it but even when he pulled out, I knew he wasn’t done. He glanced at the floor and I wasn’t sure about that, it was a bathroom too. But he pulled me up against him, getting me off the counter. I was slightly amused as he walked to the shower and started it, more when he got in and I just walked over, gently nudge him against the wall.

“I know you’re not done.” 

“No, just I’m not putting you on the floor out there. In here…is another story.” 

He slid down and I followed, the tile was cool even though he’d turned the water to luke warm. The shower sprayed water everywhere and he’d close the glass door behind us, which kept the water in the shower area. I had to admit, this was different. 

I knew in the floor there wasn’t much cushion under me, which was fine it just amplified his every move. The water added an interesting effect, there was just something about wet hair and water, let him slide easier. But, it didn’t let him stay on his knees well, so I flipped him.

“You look so hot with that water all around you.” 

His hands traveled over my skin, cascading the water everywhere and that included the clit which was making concentrating hard really, but it’s what pushed us both over the edge. I laid there on top of him for several minutes before kissing him.

“We really need to stop waiting so long.” 

“Props for the choice of location, not as vanilla as normal.” 

I smiled and kissed him. “I’ll get the shower bag, pretty sure you didn’t pay for the room all day.” 

“I’ll just lay here in the water.” 

“Might want to move your butt, it’s over the drain.” 

He shifted a bit which let the inch deep water drain while I got the shower bag and got our shampoo and stuff, he remained laying while I stood over him and showered.

“I could really get use to this, fuck this is fucking hot.”

“Careful there, you’ll be wanting a lot more when the time is up.” 

I rinsed my hair and he finally got up, I just stood and watched as he showered. 

“You did bring clean clothes inside right?” 

“I did.” 

Once the showers were done and we were re-dressed and everything was repacked we headed to the bus. DJ was stretching outside.

“If you wanted to stop for sex Zac you could have told me.” 

He just smiled. “That evident?” 

“Very, but maybe you’ll both be easier to live with now. Most everyone is still asleep, I’m good to go.” 

He put the bags back up and we got back on the bus, still sleepy I laid back down and he joined me, even if it was too short. The bus woke up far too early for either of us but we did get up. 

“Damn Zac you don’t smell this morning, what did you do?” Carrick asked.

Zac raised an eyebrow. “I showered this morning…”

“We stopped long enough for you to shower?” 

I lowered my head as Carrick glanced at me, my hair was still wet actually. It hadn’t dried completely.

“We stopped for like three hours, DJ had to. He stopped at a truck stop so shower.” 

“And your reason for waking your wife up to shower had nothing to do with her smell?”

I glanced up. “Are you trying to imply that I smelled? Careful on your answer there Carebear.” 

Sierra patted my back. “We all smell, well, except you and Zac and I’m sure you got nice and sweaty before the shower. So, about fucking time.” 

She scooted across from me and began to eat her cereal, Carrick was beside her and Zac slide in beside me.

“So, what are you two doing for your birthdays?” Carrick asked.

“I’ll spend mine playing a show.” Zac said.

“I’ll be watching.” 

Sierra looked up. “That’s it? Neither of you are doing anything else?”

“Well, I’m sure Taylor and Isaac will cake me on stage. They’ll probably do cake for us too maybe a decent dinner. But we don’t have time for much beyond that.” 

She looked at the schedule which was posted nearby. “We’ll plan something better over the weekend. Because we’re in Atlantic City for a few days.” 

“It’s okay.” I said.

“Nope. Sorry, no. You’ll do something and I’ll plan something for you both.” 

Zac and I exchanged looks, considering how the last party went with her there was no telling what she’d end up with. But, we did have an extended weekend in Atlantic City, it was odd. The day was going to be long, once we arrived at the venue we couldn’t do anything, including park there because they had an artist playing tonight. So, DJ parked us nearby and we got to explore the city but only some wanted to explore. Carrick, Austin, Andrew and Demetrius did leave to go somewhere else. But the rest of us stayed.

I got the last set of codes and sat down at the table, it would provide me with something to do as Zac, Taylor, and Isaac were all in the lounge working on some new songs. Sierra sat down across from me.

“Did you have a good morning?” 

I smiled, blushed a bit. “I did.” 

“Good, it was about time. Guess he woke you up for that.” 

“He did, but that’s okay really.”

“So, what are you doing there?” 

“The disk that I was nearly killed over, we copied the contents. I broke the first code which was dealers, I assume this is the suppliers. But I’ve tried every code that Simon taught me and nothing. He used his drum beats for the first time, but they don’t apply here.” 

“Did he teach you any other instrument?” 

“No. Just the drums.”

She pulled the paper to her and looked at it. I explained how we solved the first half of the codes.

“Did he teach you any other things on the drums?” 

“Not really but he taught me a song, one he said was original.” 

“Do you remember it?” 

“Yes, but I can’t write the notes down. I don’t know how really.” 

“How do you play music if you can’t write it or I presume read it?” 

“Hearing it. I can play some of the guys just by hearing it so much. I just never learned the music aspect of writing it or even reading it.” 

“Any way you can play it?”

“I have a drum application on my phone, I can try that.”

“That will not work, let me get my electronic drum set from the bay.” 

She got up and we ended up setting it up right outside the door because it would disrupt them inside. She sat down with the sheet music and had me play the same song several times until she was satisfied with what she had.

“It’s all over the place.” 

“Yeah.”

She put the drum set back up and we went back to the table, she was playing with the sheet music and I was trying to see if he did numbers, maybe every three is the letter, or four. Hour’s ticked by with me having no luck, but Sierra got all excited about two.

“I think I have it.” 

I looked up at her, confused.

“He used that song, I noticed that the beats are constant for 26 notes, then changes for 9 notes and then repeats the 26 and then 9. Letters and numbers. He didn’t start with A though, he actually started with Z and 9. The first set of codes are Trevor Hamilton and then the letters looks like a phone number.”

She slid it to me and sure enough it made sense and kept working. Pleased with herself she said she was going to ask the boys about dinner plans and got up. I kept writing down the names and I wasn’t even aware at first that the name I was writing down was familiar until I was looking back at it.

_Maxwell Reed_

I blinked, that had to be wrong. I double checked and the name was right, maybe it was a different person but then the phone number was the same, the address was the apartment.

“Hey baby, you okay?” 

“I don’t know.” 

He slid in beside me. “What’s up?” 

“Sierra figured out the code for the second set. He taught me a song, he then attributed a letter to the notes. He just never told me that. But, this is what I just got.” 

I laid my finger under Max’s information. “According to this, Max supplied Simon with drugs. But, Max doesn’t do drugs and I’ve never seen them. I lived there for months and never did I suspect he was dealing or supplying. Max doesn’t even know Simon.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Zachary, I was with Simon three years and not once did he mention knowing who Max was. In fact, when he called he told him never to call again. He didn’t talk to him, I’ve never seen messages, texts, e-mails, nothing.”

“Maybe he put his information in to frame him?” 

“Maybe.” 

“What’s up?” Sierra asked.

“Max’s name is here. But, I’ve never known him to do drugs, let along supply them in this quantity.” 

“Why not call Abby? She talked to him through the years you didn’t.” 

That was a great idea and I did call her, but she had no idea either. As far as she knew, his sole income came from touring. Yet, that didn’t quite settle with me because I did the same thing and the amount of money I made wasn’t enough for the apartment complex he lived in. But, I didn’t raise that question to her or mention it to Zac.

“Well, I’ll turn the list over to the detectives, they can investigate.”

“I agree. You want to take your laptop and go find a wifi spot?” Zac asked.

“Yeah.” 

I did call Detective Mabis and let him know I was sending the code to him, it would help him determine the suppliers and gives him a better idea of who did what. We went to a nice place for dinner, something with comfort food. Lot of deep fried items and a great salad bar, I was in heaven there. We did find a somewhat decent internet connection and I was able to send the codes to him and Zac had me include pictures of the wounds I had. It wouldn’t do much but would show they’d hurt me in that run across town.

Everyone made it back to the bus around the same time and we just piled into the lounge area, Carrick and Austin had brought back some new movies, Zac chose the bean bag chair so after carefully inspecting my options I chose his lap.

“Well, hello there.” 

“Figured you wouldn’t mind.” 

“If he does we’ll all slap him.” Carrick said.

“I would never mind if she chooses my lap.” 

Sierra laughed. “You’d much prefer it be without those clothes though.” 

“Not when everyone is here! I’m not that bad.” 

“Just don’t mind cracking her head open in the bunk?” Taylor asked.

“That was my fault actually Taylor. I’m the one that forgot we were in a small space.” 

“What movie did you get?” Isaac asked.

“Transformers and I am Legend. Vote.” 

I am Legend won the vote much to Zac’s disappointment but Andrew brought popcorn and snacks, Demetrius the drinks and by 7:45 we were settled in and Carrick was starting it. I just settled into his lap. I hadn’t really seen the movie at all and I rather liked it.

“Who is the main guy?” 

“Will Smith.” Taylor said.

“I may have to find more of his.” 

“I think I have a few at home, we can rent the others.” Zac said.

“Make it a movie night or something maybe, if we can get Stella and Nicole off at the same time.” Isaac said.

“That would be awesome, Taylor are you doing anything for Stella’s birthday?” 

“She is going to fly out to California while we’re there and ride back with us. I told her I would take the sofa back here.” 

“Nonsense, the tour will be over Tay, Austin and I are chilling at home. She’ll have plenty of space.” Carrick said.

“True, I forgot you guys were staying there.” 

Conversation revolved around that plan for a few minutes then it was analyzing the movie and how each person felt, it felt good to be included in the conversation. With Simon I wasn’t allowed to talk or voice an opinion.

“How are your wedding plans coming?” Ike asked.

“Pretty good actually, the venues designer spoke with us a bit and she sent some ideas. We’re doing simple really, I mean we don’t want extravagant. We have colors, she’s chosen the dress, and we have cake flavors but no design yet.” Zac said.

“I love the dress, you’re going to love it.” Sierra said.

“You saw it?” Zac asked.

“Duh, I was there.” 

He looked confused but didn’t comment on that and I was glad, because I didn’t want to tell them yet that the dress they saw isn’t what I bought. They elected to watch Transformers too and while I was intent to watch it, I actually fell asleep about half way, with Zac waking me up to go lay down. I got in my own bunk because while I loved sleeping in his with him, it really wasn’t that comfortable and this way he could sleep well too. 

“Goodnight Gabby.” 

“Goodnight, Love you.” 

“I love you.”

I was back asleep quickly and didn’t even hear when everyone went to bed.


	46. Birthday Shockers

POV: Zac

  

October 25, 2008

Our birthday’s had gone really well, the band aspect had gone well with the show and walk, it was even nice because the cake to my face wasn’t bad. I think I enjoyed it more because Gabby dragged me off after dinner to one of the side rooms. Not gonna lie, I wanted that as much as she did. The show Thursday had gone well and then we came up the coast a bit, apparently Sierra booked Gabby and I a room at a nice hotel called the Revel Hotel, because she had plans. Everyone else also moved here so we’d be together. 

Gabby and Sierra had left the hotel at ten, going to lunch and then having a bit of a day shopping and doing nails. I thought I’d be bored but at 11 there was a knock on the door and I found Andrew and Lucas outside.

“What are you guys doing here?” 

“We were invited to a party, apparently this Sierra chick said it was required. So, here we are.” Lucas said.

“Where is Gabby?” 

“Why do you always ask where my wife is?” 

“Because I never see her!”

“She and the Sierra chick went shopping and doing their nails. They should be back about three or four. Come in.” 

They came in and we ordered room service something simple because I was starving and then we just crashed on the sofas.

“Everything okay? We saw some rather disturbing tweets.” Andrew said.

“Yeah. I was an idiot. Some friend of hers showed up and long story short I saw her friend kissing her and I freaked out. Things were said, I walked away and she ran. We’ve talked about that and moved past. We’re good.” 

“No more keycards?” Lucas asked.

“I have given them back or thrown them away, I don’t need them. I mean really it’s not like she says no very often.” 

“Does she ever say no to you?” 

“She does, yes.”

“When?” 

“Once a month least, the weird thing is I’m learning when not to ask.” 

They both laughed. “Natural part of being a woman dude, you gotta get use to that. Although, I had a girlfriend that wanted sex all the time during that time.” 

“Is that not just weird?” 

“If you pick the right place it’s not bad, but right place is usually the shower. She said she loved the feeling, that things felt more intense. But, every girl is different, Mandy would kick me in the balls if I tried.” 

“She doesn’t seem to be one of those like it then girls, but that’s not to say that she won’t do anything else. I don’t need key cards or other women because she’s there. It’s weird that I am finding that I like that better. It feels better with her than it ever has with anyone else.”

“Including Crystal and Priscilla?” Lucas asked.

“Yeah, well Priscilla and I never had sex.” 

“You didn’t? She said you did.” Lucas said.

“She lied then, she said she wanted to wait. It does feel even better even compared to them.” 

Andrew smiled. “It’s called love Zachary. It feels better and different because you really are in love with her. I mean, Crystal you loved but it wasn’t that deep love. Priscilla was but well, she ruined that.” 

“So, you’re basically saying that you’re fine with just her for the rest of your life?” Lucas asked.

I really wasn’t liking his line of questions, his phrasing and the way he seemed to feel like I couldn’t change, it kind of reminded me of Max actually and him constantly telling her I wouldn’t or couldn’t change. 

“I am perfectly fine to only be with her for the rest of my life. So, can we change the subject now?”

Andrew just eyed him and he nodded. We moved on to their girlfriends and love lives for a while. Sierra and Gabby got back at 2:30. Sierra was holding a black zip up bag.

“What’s in the bag?” 

“Her suit for tonight which you better not look at. I’m taking it to my room and she’ll come there.” 

“Why can’t I see it?” 

Gabby leaned over the sofa and kissed my cheek. “Because it’s a surprise. You’ll love it I know. Hey, I have shoes for the wedding too now. But, you can’t see them either.” 

“Did you buy anything I can see?” 

“Yes, but they can’t see it so…you’re just gonna have to wait.” 

Andrew laughed. “I get the idea what she bought wasn’t meant for us to see.” 

“Guess not.” I said.

“Oh, I could show them what I got but you wouldn’t be very happy then.”

Sierra laughed. “He’d be happy alright just not the way he should be.” 

Lucas actually started to say something but then stopped, it was probably far better he not say anything.

“Did you have fun shopping?” 

“Oh yeah, always. Hey I got a hair trim while I was out. The ends were splitting so badly, but just a trim. I also got my nails declawed.” 

“Declawed?” Andrew asked.

“Yeah, they were getting very sharp. Did you guys have fun while we were gone?” 

“You knew they were coming?” I asked.

“How do you think Sierra got their numbers? Stella is here too and so is Nicole, which is why you haven’t heard from your brothers.” 

“You saying they wouldn’t answer my call?” 

She again leaned down and kissed my cheek. “Would you if I flew out after two months? Pretty sure the answer is no.” 

Yeah, I couldn’t deny that answer at all, I wouldn’t answer the phone if she’d flown up. 

“I didn’t think so.” She said.

She moved to the bedroom area and put bags up in the suitcases, clearly I wouldn’t get to see what she bought until we were alone. She and Sierra sat down for a bit and Andrew got to talk to her for a bit before she left to get ready for what I assumed was a party for us later on. Sierra told me she’d meet us in the lobby at seven, so we talked more about what was going on and then got ready. When I went to the bedroom to get clothes she had a outfit laying out on the bed, complete with underwear. I took a quick shower and got dressed, she’d chosen a rather decent pair of jeans, that fit well, but were a tad loose. A white t-shirt with a light blue button up short sleeve shirt. Andrew and Lucas had gone to their own rooms to get ready, so I had a few moments to just decompress. But I heard her ringtone go off and got the phone.

**_If you want to see what I got…there in my suitcase in the bag ;-)_ **

Temptation was strong but I smiled. _I would much rather you model it for me later._

**_You can’t handle that but if it’s what you want, then I can. Although, might be better when we get home. This outfit..._ **

_Is it that bad?_

**_Remember last year’s outfit from Abby? The one you loved._ **

I clearly remembered that black lace suit, the pictures of her on the stripper pole were still in my phone actually, such nice pictures.  
  
_Yes…_

**_It’ll top that one. : -) But, I’m almost ready. Are you?_ **

_I’ll be ready in a few…_

It took a few moments of thinking about anything but her in something that would top that, before I got my wallet and headed down to the lobby. Everyone but Sierra and Gabby were there waiting. I was talking to Andrew when I saw his eyes get bigger and wider.

“Oh shit…” 

I turned around and saw Sierra who was wearing a black leather dress with a panel down the front that was kind of crinkly looking, had cut outs around the shoulder and those heels were just very gothic looking. Yet what caught my attention more was my wife, who was just behind her. The suit she had on did in fact beat the one before. It was a lace bodysuit with flowers on it, long sleeve and went down to her ankles. Under the lace suit she had on black boy shorts and a black corset top that wasn’t really covering much at all. She had black heels on that criss-crossed across her feet and were tied behind her ankle.

I blinked at that choice but she looked amazing and she was covered where it counted. She’s worn less on the bottom half in those others lace pants. 

“What do you think Zac? Did I do good?” Sierra asked.

“Most definitely.” 

She smiled. “I knew you’d like it, fuck them for not making it when I had a chance.”

I glanced at her and smiled. “I’m perfectly fine with that.” 

She rolled her eyes at me, clearly she knew that I was. Gabby was eye level in these heels, one of the reason I loved when she wore them.

“Hey buttercup, do you like my outfit?” 

“I love the outfit. But, I think I’d love it more on the floor.” 

“I would imagine you would. So, Sierra, we’re all here. Where are we going?” 

“Not far, just a few floors up to the Royal Jelly Burlesque nightclub.” 

Most were confused but Gabby just smiled and we followed her to the 6 th floor where she told the guy at the door her name and everyone was let inside. The building was large and open, a stage with some instruments set up on one end a bar in the center with steps and a stage around the top. But we were escorted to a private balcony with a great view of the entire club.

Bottles of champagne and tubs of beer were presented along with a waiter that took orders. This was expensive and I was sure Sierra wasn’t paying for this on her own. Gabby must have read my mind because she asked her how the hell she could afford this.

“I know the band members, they hooked me up. It’s a birthday party for you two and even Stella since hers is so close.” 

Stella smiled. “This is nice!” 

“I figured you would like it, sorry there isn’t cake but they make an awesome birthday cake martini.” 

“I’m good. I don’t drink much really.” 

“Girl, it’s a party. Drink a little. Gabby you have to.” 

“I’ll drink some but not much, I don’t want to fall later.” 

Sierra smiled. “True, you wouldn’t want too.” 

I wondered what she meant by that, but they talked and I was surprised that Stella wasn’t her normal quiet self, she was opening up more about her interest, maybe she felt comfortable with us and didn’t mind.

Everyone settled in, got drinks and just kind of chilled. It was like any other club with a DJ spinning hits and people dancing and drinking. Stella and Nicole stayed with Isaac and Taylor, but Andrew and Lucas went to dance on the main floor. About 8:45 Sierra moved Gabby and I so we could see the stage and we soon found out why, it was a burlesque club, complete with half dressed women performing a show.

Gabby was intent watching the show, watching the performers do their tricks and stunts and dancing. I’d never been to such a show so it was completely new to me. The show itself was fantastic, the dancers were quite nice but they still weren’t my wife. Even if they were far less dressed than her. After the show she wanted to move some so we stayed in our little safety zone and danced. Even if the others went downstairs to the main party.

“You don’t want to go down?” 

“On you?” I asked.

“I know you want to do that, but I meant the lower level.”

“No, I don’t need to hit anyone tonight.” 

She was close to me as it was and it was so hard to maintain control here. But I let my hands fall to her ass anyway, we were in a private area anyway.

“Brave there.” 

“So many around.” 

“You want more private? I mean you gave me my birthday gift already at the venue. Let me drag you away.” 

“You think I wasn’t going to? Please. This is private.” 

She glanced down at the dance floor. “Not really, everyone that we can see, can see us. But, Sierra secured a more private place.” 

“She did?” 

She nodded. “Wanna see?” 

“I have a feeling I shouldn’t say no.” 

She smiled and turned and I followed her out of our private area and to the back, she gave the guy Sierra’s name and he let us through to a very private room complete with a round sofa around a stripper pole. Which is where she sat me down, with a clear view of that pole.

“All alone, any request birthday boy?” 

“None, because I have no idea what you planned but I’m sure it’ll be perfect.” 

She kissed me and smiled, before moving to the side wall to turn on the music, which was some decent mixture but nothing we usually listen to. It was kind of a slow pace to start with but I carefully watched her as she stepped up onto the stage, she had to be kidding me.

“You sure you can handle this?” 

I glanced up, letting my eyes follow the curves of her body. “I’m positive I won’t be able to. Is that why you chose looser pants?”

“Maybe.” 

I didn’t know she had any experience with these types of poles, sure I saw the pictures that Abby had her send but that wasn’t performing, so I settled back and watched. I wasn’t sure what I expected but what she did was not expected. The way she was able to spin around the pole, using it to stabilize herself as she did body rolls, leaned back, or even just dipped. Her movements were methodical and slow, timed to the music and they were very erotic. She would dip down but her back was always to me, never the front. Never what I wanted. 

“You’re doing that on purpose. Having your back to me every time you drop down.” 

She just looked back and smiled and I kept watching her. I’d seen strippers before she was very good at this, even with the pants on she had no problem staying up on the pole. She finally kneeled down facing me and that was entirely too much for me to handle but despite the obvious erection she kneeled down and sat there a moment before getting off the stage. 

I barely handled seeing her on the pole, but when she was down on the floor and it was a lap dance, that was way too much for me to handle. If I could yank those clothes off right now, I would.

“Would they care if we ditched them?” I asked.

She leaned back against my chest. “Sierra’s already covered us, we can leave whenever you can.” 

She was making slow circles with her hips, pressing her ass against the erection and then making circles with her hips. It was the right pressure and feeling, but not what I wanted.

“You don’t stop making circles with your hips we won’t ever leave.” 

I moved my hands over her thighs, holding her still in my lap. The lace felt a little scratchy to me but most lace did. But the skin I could feel was warm and soft. 

“Where did you learn that?”

“Sierra and Tera taught me, basics mostly. I’m no expert but uh, clearly for you it’s enough.” 

I dipped my head and kissed her neck. “More than enough. Was that my present?” 

“You haven’t unwrapped it yet.” 

“Oh? Where is it?” 

“I’m right here, you just have to drag me away so you can unwrap me.” 

I focused my attention on her neck for a bit, which gave me more than enough time to be able to get up. We did stop by the main area for a few minutes just to let someone know we were leaving, not that anyone complained. As we weaved through the crowd I kept my hands on her so it was clear she was mine. She stayed against me in the elevator. Her hands on my ass, I followed her down the hallway and to our room. 

Getting her out of that suit was so fucking easy, it just slid down. The best part about being here was that we had a bed. It wasn’t a bathroom, small dusty room, or even the bunk. It gave me all the time I wanted to do everything I wanted which would drive her insane. I wanted her to feel loved still, so having that time allowed me to take my time. By the time it was just us laying there the sun was coming up.

“We need hotels more often, totally.” 

I smiled. “I can do that anywhere, just here is better. I don’t have to show up for anything.” 

“Don’t be setting yourself up for things.” 

I pulled her to me and kissed her. “I’m not. You know what I can do.” 

She smiled and I was about to suggest a shower when her phone went off. She reached over and checked, because it was early and I was sure that most of our crew was asleep.

“It’s a text from Abby.” 

She showed me the picture message, very nice photo of her and I. My hands clearly on her ass. It said it was tweeted by someone at the party. Not that we cared. She didn’t reply just laid it behind her on the stand.

“Why wasn’t she here?” 

“She had to retake a class she failed, the stress and stuff with Max and everything with them she just lost focus. She said she wanted too but she has a major test Monday and needs to study. I promised her we would do something when I got home.”

“Her birthday is in December, maybe do something with her for hers.” 

“Yeah, do you have any plans for our anniversary? Do we have any idea what we could do?” 

I smiled. “I’m way ahead of you. It’s a date I can’t forget so I’ve been planning for a while.” 

“Guess I can’t know?” 

“Nope. It’ll be a surprise. We should get some sleep though.” 

“That sounds like a good plan.” 

We could shower later and maybe even more, for now sleep was pulling me under and it wasn’t long before she and I both were asleep.

  

  

Revel Hotel and Casino, didn’t open until 2012 and closed in 2014.

[Burlesque example](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nFg4i6ARS8)

Gabby's suit 

Sierra + Her suit :) 


	47. It's been a Year

POV: Gabby

  

November 13, 2008

I woke up to the sounds of the pacific crashing on the beach outside. When he told me at our birthday party that he had plans, he hadn’t lied to me. We drove south from Petaluma to Los Angeles and then took a boat to the Catalina Islands where he had us booked here for over a week. When I questioned the extended stay, he said we never had a honeymoon and this would serve as one along with whatever he planned for January. We had arrived the eleventh and today was our actual anniversary. 

I got up carefully letting him sleep late and I fixed a huge breakfast. He’d gotten a private little cabin on the beach, it was very open as the bathroom was the only room with a door. We had our own little beach area and he had activities planned for everyday but today. Snorkeling, boating, glass bottom boat tours, it really was perfect. 

The bacon is what woke him up and he sat up in the bed.

“You got up early?” 

“I don’t call ten early, it’s almost eleven now.” 

“Yet, your fixing bacon?” 

“Yep.” 

I’d only bothered with his shirt and he didn’t bother with anything.

“You missed that didn’t you, just walking around naked?” 

“I have missed it so much.” 

“Scrambled eggs?” 

“Please.” 

I finished up breakfast and we sat down and ate, still very strange for him to be naked.

“Happy 1 st anniversary.” He said.

“Happy first anniversary to you.”

“So, I didn’t plan anything for today figured we could be hermits and just be us, no people, no phone calls, no social media.”

“I can deal with that, sleep late do nothing.” 

“Pretty much, although I do have dinner reservations tonight.” 

I didn’t bother to wash the few dishes, I’d worry about it later. After breakfast he put his swim trunks on and I went with my suit and we enjoyed the private beach, the ability to swim and see the fish that were around was very good, considering it was November. About two we got a small snack and sat down on the deck, out of the sun.

“So, I hear we have some decisions for cake and stuff.” He said.

“Yeah, they need to know by this weekend. I saw some that I liked while we were out in New York, but they just didn’t jive with winter wedding.” 

“Are we doing a winter theme?” 

“Pretty much, I was actually thinking snowflakes. Like have a white cake and then use the silver and blue for flakes. It’s simple and I think it’ll look good too. The set of glasses and cake cutting things that Sierra bought have flakes on them.” 

He sat there a moment and thought about it. “Can you draw it out?” 

“I can if you’d prefer it.” 

“I would, something you know would be simple and fitting. You could tell me what that dress looks like.” 

“I’m not telling you.” 

“That reminds me, you said that no one saw the dress but Abby and Sierra have mentioned seeing it. Which is it?” 

“The dress they believe I bought is what they are referring too.” 

“But you didn’t buy it?” 

“No. By that point I was really tired and hungry and just wanted to go home. Everyone liked that one and I just went with it. Elaine got me alone and asked and she ended up bringing me the one I actually bought. I never walked out so no one ever saw it.”

“You didn’t like the one they did?” 

“No. Elaine told me that I shouldn’t settle. She’s right, the more I think about the one I passed up the more wrong it felt.” 

“So you are the only person besides Elaine that knows what your dress looks like?” 

“I am the only person. Which is fine by me.” 

“Well, Mom said she thought you may have changed your mind as well. She didn’t feel like you liked it, so I think Elaine made the right decision. I have made appointments for my groomsmen and I to be fitted.” 

“The girls are going with me in December to get their dresses. There already ordered just finalize the length.” 

“You ordered theirs already?” 

“I knew Sierra would chose wrong and she’ll be so weird in hers but I felt bad that Nicole and Stella didn’t get to come. So, I asked them to chose a dress together and they did. The color was my choice which is ivory. But the style they chose. Sierra got to chose the finale table for us, which she said she went with our colors and style. Abby has made a bunch of things for like party favors in her spare time.” 

“No wonder you’ve been texting her like crazy.” 

“Well, the party favors is like candy and stuff, she did candles as well. They are all in our colors with the date. The invitations you picked out are at the apartment your mom left them along with a new address book for everyone and I’m filling them out the moment we’re back. Everyone already knew so most have already made plans, but this is for keepsakes.” 

“Yeah, I went with a very simple one sheet design.”

I smiled at him. “So, is there anything left to plan?” 

“Invites, cake, décor, you have the dress, bridesmaids has theirs, me and the others have ours. There actually ordered just fitting basically, which is in November right after thanksgiving. Venue is chosen and paid for. I think that’s all.”

“I left the flowers up to the venue, just told them I didn’t mind a sprinkle of colorful flowers but for the arch I wanted blues and silvers with white, and inside could be mostly the same but some other colors are fine too.” 

“Did you have a place you always wanted to go, but never thought you would?” 

“Oh god, that’s a loaded question Zac.” 

“Serious here.” 

“Any place outside the United States? The tours I attended never left the states, so I’ve never been outside the states. I guess, Hawaii and Alaska are options but I’d think something more…exotic?”

“Exotic? That’s interesting.” 

“I’m not picky Zac, we don’t have to leave the states at all.”

“Yeah we do, least for a little bit. Isaac planned Hawaii for him and Nicole.” 

“Stella said Paris is where she wants to go.” 

“We can do London and Paris. I think you’ll love the area.” 

I blinked, had he just suggested those places? I would never have dreamed I’d be there or even maybe going there. I would assume he would have had to tell me eventually because I’d have to have a passport and all, can’t leave the states without one.

“Speaking of area…Dr. Cortez said it would be beneficial if I like branched a bit and looked at houses and stuff that was available. Online isn’t like a vast resource for that but I did find some things that I liked and some I didn’t.” 

That perked his ears up and he turned to me. “You haven’t mentioned moving at all, I thought you just avoided it.” 

“That was partially it, just dealing with forever but it’s been a year Zachary, it’s something that no one thought we’d make it to. It’s been a up and down year and really, we still have things we should work on but it’s been a year.” 

“It has been and you’re right, not many felt we’d make it this long. So, what did you decide?” 

“I like the more open concept better, it won’t feel as closed off. We definitely need a room for art and music, I think it could be okay if it’s the same room. I have no preference on stories but I would like the master to be on the same floor as at least two other rooms.” 

“Any reason why?” 

“Thinking ahead, if and when we do decide to add to this then I don’t want to be on the main floor and the kids room up-stairs or vice versa.” 

The look on his face said he was shocked that I even considered that option, it really wasn’t something I often spoke about but it didn’t mean it never crossed my mind or the practicality of it didn’t. There really was no guarantee we would ever have children.

“Having the master near the other bedrooms is always a plus, it’s something that Isaac and Nicole are considering. Did you think about building versus buying?” 

“I kind of did, yes. I don’t have a preference on that but if we can’t find a house that fits what we like then we can build. I kind of like the idea of brand new, but I also like the idea of not needing to go through all the planning and shit.” 

He smiled. “And here I thought you weren’t putting any effort into this house thing. Any clue on the number of bedrooms?” 

“Not a single one. I know at least one.” 

He giggled. “I’m thinking three or more.” 

“How many would you prefer?” 

“Four, maybe even with room to expand.” 

Four bedrooms was three kids and us, that was a little higher than I considered but extra bedrooms were always good and especially if Taylor and Isaac had kids first. Which was a very good possibility because Isaac and Nicole were already talking about that and Stella and Taylor had considered those possibilities too. 

“I think four would be a good number.” 

“I guess I can call a realtor when we get back, see what they have available and maybe start seeing some. The Rock boat is in January and then Fool’s Banquet is February, but beyond those events we have no plans but to record.” 

“The rock boat?” I asked.

“Yep, you get to go to Paris and then a cruise.”

I wasn’t sure I liked that idea but I did get up and head back to the beach, he was intending on staying there until I dropped the bathing suit top onto the ground. That got him moving and on his way to following me. Sex on a beach, nice and sandy but still hot. It did require a shower afterwards though, which was fine because the reservations were soon and we needed to get ready. 

I went with something nice, simple and not as party type and I was sure he appreciated it. The restaurant was on the beach and our table was kind of private.

“It’s nice here really, kind of like it was at home without drama.” 

“I wanted something low key and not as busy. I considered theme parks but really I didn’t want to share you.” 

“Share me? I share you more than you do me. I like this option really, it’s pleasant and no sharing.” 

“Exactly. Although, little birdie named Taylor told me he was finally asking her this weekend.” 

“Good. It’s about time.” 

We ordered dinner and it was very nice seafood, I actually tried some calamari and aside from being a bit chewy it wasn’t bad. He suggested the walk and I was glad, guided him the way I wanted him to go. But, I wasn’t shocked that he handed me a box once we were clear of the people. Inside the little shiny box was necklace that matched our wedding bands, it had interlocking hearts and our birth stones were inside the hearts.

“I couldn’t think of something that you’d wear all the time besides your ring and I kind of feel bad always wearing mine around my neck.” 

“It’s perfect.”

He put it on and we walked a little bit longer until I paused him, he was totally unaware of where we were.

“I couldn’t bring all of yours with me, it wouldn’t be appropriate. But, I did bring one thing.” 

I got the envelope from my pocket and handed it to him. Watched as he opened it and then unfolded the sheet of paper inside. Granted it did take him a few minutes to realize what I’d given him. 

“You drew this.” 

“I did, Tuesday night while you were asleep.” 

I’d given him the most expensive thing that I could, the one thing no one else had ever gotten from me. I gave him the key to my heart. 

“I drew the heart myself and had the artist put it on, but I never drew a key until Tuesday.” 

“And you gave it to me?” 

“Yes. Because you deserve it and out of everyone you’re the only one that does.” 

I didn’t quite expect the tears or the hug or the spin, but it was halfway through the second spin that he sat me down and realized where we were standing.

“Is that a…” 

“The only one on the island actually and by no means am I saying it’s what I want you do. I’m content if you just keep the drawing forever.”

“I think…I’ll keep the drawing.”

“That’s fine.”

We headed back to the house and once there I gave him the second half.

“Are these…nude drawings of you?” 

“Consider it rare because I never draw myself.” 

“It’s perfect because you are.” 

“Don’t inflate my ego that bad.” 

Yet, inflating his worked. He pulled the every inch has to have a kiss and I was fine with that.

**November 19, 2008 – Zac**

The week on the island was so pleasant but we had to return tomorrow to the mainland and then two shows and we headed home. I didn’t have much planned today because we had to clean up and repack. 

I however had several days to think about things and she’d given me the key to her heart and I was no fool, I know the significance of that simple gesture. While she was content with me just keeping the drawing I really did want to do something more. After lunch I suggested a walk and I walked right back to the only tattoo shop on the island.

“Why are we here and you’re lingering outside.” 

“I brought your drawing with me and I’ve thought about it all week. I know the implication of you doing that was major and I kind of feel like you might be mildly disappointed that I didn’t go in last week.” 

“I’m not Zac. You’ve never expressed a desire for anything like this. I won’t be mad or upset if you chose to just keep it as is.” 

“Well, I’m not here entirely for that.” 

I had considered it and well, she had my heart as well. I couldn’t imagine being without her or being alone or even going back to random women.

“Oh?” 

I got the drawing from my pocket and handed it to her, I wanted to give her the key as well, but it required drawing both the heart locket and the key and since her heart looked very girly, I wanted something slightly more manly. So I’d drawn a semi-realistic heart that contained filigree and a matching key. 

“It’s only fair if I have the key to your heart, that you have mine and it occurred to me that I don’t have that representation.”

“You don’t have to do this though.” 

“I know, I think I want too. Although, I’d like to do the key first and then determine if I can handle it.” 

“I’m sure you’ll do fine.” 

We went inside and we met with the artist and gave him the design. I insisted on going first and I was nervous as hell, this was a major decision and something that would always be there. The guy made his stencils from my drawing and hers and then placed it over my chest. I viewed the placement in a mirror while he got his equipment ready.

“It looks good.” Gabby said.

“I agree.” 

“First one?” he asked.

“Yeah. Obvious huh?” 

“It is obvious but you’d be amazed at how well you’ll do.” 

Gabby sat down in the chair on the other side of me, I was glad she was that close and I calmed myself down, the noise was loud so close to my ear and he made the first mark of a permanent line and it stung like hell.

“Fuck that stings like hell.” 

She smiled. “It’s not bad once you get use to it.” 

She was right, once the initial shock subsided it was just kind of an annoying poke, not real painful. He took a very short break once the outline was done to see how hers was so he could match the shading on her key, then he finished up. I know I grimaced a few times during the shading because it was sore and he had to go over the same area a few times. When he finished shading in he cleaned the whole area well, removing the little bit of blood, ink, and the stencil and then he showed me the finished tattoo.

“It’s perfect.” 

“I agree. You did great with the key and the heart, they are exactly what we drew.” 

He smiled. “I’ve done a lot of tattoos in my days.”

He put some kind of moisturizer on the area and then covered it, declared me done. She took my button up shirt and changed, she’d decided to put my key on the inner left side of her heart, just below the outer lines. She even asked him freshen the other one up. I was not thrilled that this guy got to touch her breast though, even if she was mostly covered he was still very close. When he finished hers I approved and he cleaned and bandaged hers as well.

“Couple of hours remove the bandages and clean them well, apply a non-scented moisturizer I recommend our H2Ocean or one close to it. No Vaseline.” 

I got two tubes of the H2Ocean because it was the best product to use according to Gabby. We left the tattoo shop and were walking back to the car.

“I can’t believe I did that.” 

“Me either, are you showing anyone?” 

“Not unless I have too. My parents would flip. I think it’s nice to have something no one knows about.” 

“Just remember it’s going to be a bit tender for about a week, so you want to clean it after the show and wear something kind of loose.” 

“I will.” 

We returned to the house and got to packing and cleaning, I got a steal here. Carrick’s family member owns the property and he was able to get us a very good deal for the time we were here. We just had to make sure the house and property were as we found it, which we were doing now.

“Hey! Did Taylor actually ask?” 

“He did! He asked Sunday during a beach walk, she loved it and said yes.” 

“Nice. Did Isaac ever have a date?” 

“There looking at May after Hanson Day. There discussing whether or not it’s a good time.”

“I think it would be, I mean Nicole and I could finalize stuff while you guys are busy.” 

“That’s what he’s thinking too, so it’s probably going to be the last Sunday in May, but they may do April. But, Nicole was disappointed, Philbrook isn’t available anytime in April or May and she did a test run with her dress and it’s not going to be pretty. So, there talking about doing another venue.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I think they may do a formal church, they’ve been looking at two of them.” 

“I’m sure they’ll figure it out.”

“Me too.”

I finished packing what I could, leaving out clothes for tomorrow. She finished the basic cleaning, just left the sheets on the bed to wash and what little dishes we would use tonight and in the morning. We fixed dinner together, after we ate she said we needed to clean the tattoos. I started with her, gently covering the new ink with a soap and then rinsing well before applying the H2Ocean to the whole thing.

She sat down in my lap to clean mine and I kind of liked the way her fingers felt as she gently cleaned away the slight blood spots. Her fingertips felt gentle and kind as she cleaned it. 

“I may like this kind of attention.” 

“It’s nice to see it here.”

I kissed her. “You made a big decision by giving it to me. I was nervous about this but it’s the best way to always keep your key with me.” 

She kissed me back and once both were cleaned and moisturized we found a movie and cuddled up to watch it. We had to return to reality soon, a few more shows and then we had Thanksgiving which would be her first real one in a while, where she had a family that loved her. I was looking forward to the home cooked meal! 

We did head to bed early, despite wanting to do more we both knew it would be a long few days and sleep was important. 

 

 

[Catalina Island Website](http://www.catalinachamber.com/)

The key to Gabriella's heart tattoo 


	48. The Truth

POV: Gabby

  

November 29, 2008; Saturday

Thanksgiving had gone amazingly well, Shawn and Grace were able to join us at Zac’s parents and everyone was there. It was a family event that was filled with stories, food, and lots of desserts. It was a very nice holiday but as soon as it was over they were back to work. They were recording a new album next year and they were thinking of another fall tour so they wanted to see if they could get plans done. Added, new merchandise needed to go out to customers.

I had two custom paintings to finish for Debbie, I’d already turned in the drawings and they’d already sold. So, I was doing a few larger pieces for the holiday. One of the paintings was a dragon, while Shawn had possession of the blue tipped one this one would be different, the client asked for a black and white drawing, because he couldn’t see color. I was in the little room I’d been using when Ike poked his head in.

“That’s looking good, it’s huge though.” 

“It’s the size he asked for, I’m just drawing now and then I’ll have Zac inspect for anatomy issues.”

He walked over and pointed to a spot. “That scale is mildly off but not much.” 

“Thanks.” 

I went ahead and fixed it because otherwise the rest of them would be off as well. He returned to the meeting area and throughout the morning they checked in. Taylor helped with the eyes, Isaac the scale, Zac pointed out the back foot area was too small. I wasn’t sure what I’d do without them. The other canvas was nearly done too, it needed final touches. It was a scenic view of the grand canyon, a photo that the client took and wanted as a large scale painting. 

“Baby, we’re going for lunch. Want to come with us?” 

“Naa, I’m making good progress but where you going?” 

“I don’t know really.” 

“Just bring something light back, I think I’ve been eating too heavily.” 

“You going to be okay alone here?” 

“Well, unless you leave the door open no one can get inside without me opening the door.” 

“I’ll make sure they are closed.” 

I smiled and they left, I heard the front door when he closed it. I went back to light lines and making sure they were all perfected. When I was happy with the lines I took a break, going to the kitchen for some water and I was headed back when I heard the intercom clicking, so I walked to the front. The few other employees were here making sure orders went out, so perhaps one of them stepped out.

“Who is it?” I asked.

I waited and I heard the intercom come on, but no one said anything. I pressed it again and asked again who it was indicating that I wasn’t opening the door until they did. No answer was bad because employees knew to say something. Another moment or so passed before the intercom came on.

“It’s Max Gabby, can we talk?” 

“We have nothing to talk about.” 

“Please? I don’t care if Zac is there or not.” 

“We don’t have anything to talk about Maxwell.”

“Come on Gabby, just talk to me, please.” 

I checked the peephole and he was standing there alone, so I checked the window too. Once I was sure he was alone I opened the door. I wasn’t sure if he was like Tera as well and I just couldn’t risk it.

“I have nothing to say to you Maxwell. There is nothing you can tell me or say that will change my mind about this. You fucked up this time and not me.” 

“Please?” 

I really shouldn’t let him inside, the guys weren’t here and if he decided to hurt me he could. Yet, it appeared that whatever he wanted to talk about was important so maybe he was ready to tell me why he was acting this way. Why he was being a douchbag when he never had been.

“I’ll let you in. But if you lay a finger on me, I will call the police and I will file charges this time. Twice you’ve hurt me and I’ve let it slide, I won’t do it again. Do you understand?” 

“Yes.” 

“We can talk right here, no need to go beyond this point.” 

He stepped inside and I closed the main door, but I remained near the door because if I needed to kick him out, I could. He stepped just in front of the window and I know he looked toward the back, he had no idea that the boys weren’t here, but that was okay.

“What do you want?” 

“To come clean with you.” 

“By all means, I’d love to hear this. I’ve been waiting for this moment.” 

“Do we have to do this right here? We can’t be more private?” 

“No. Either you start talking or you can go, I’m not playing Max.” 

He leaned against the counter. “I know you remember when I left, I’m sure you do. But, did you ever find out who I was on tour with?” 

“I remember but no I didn’t know. I never asked Abby and I never asked you. I honestly didn’t care who it was, the pain from you leaving was bad enough.” 

“The band I toured with was Suffocated Mosquito. It was their second tour, 1999. They had one in 1997 as well, I’d been following and they offered me the job.” 

I just stared at him. “Stop fucking with me Maxwell. That is not funny at all.” 

He got something from his wallet and laid it on the counter, slid it to me. “I’m not fucking with you and I’m not trying to be funny.” 

I pulled the picture to me and it was him with the band, he was standing beside Simon in the middle. The only way he’d have the picture is if he toured with them. It really wasn’t helping his case though.

“What the fuck is this?” 

“First you were right about Abigail and I, we were together a few months before I left, we just didn’t tell you because we were both aware of how you felt. I toured with them the rest of the year and into the next year, in March I was talking to Abby and she was telling me about your dyed hair and how she didn’t know what to do, Simon heard me and asked about you. I didn’t tell him anything beyond you were a friend. I didn’t want to walk away Gabriella, I had too.”

I didn’t like that they’d both lied to me for so long, but Abby had already told me they’d been together before he left. She’d come clean a long time ago.

“No. You didn’t have to leave, you left because you wanted too.” 

“Yes, I did. Because I am right about one thing you were following me and not your own dreams.”

“So, you knew Simon, did you know he was doing drugs?” 

He was quiet for a moment. “Yes. I learned everything from him, he taught me how to run my own business.” 

“Are you a dealer too?” 

“I do both. Come on Gabby, you aren’t dumb. Do you really think I afford my apartment, bills, and take care of you for months on a roadie salary? The roadie job is because I get bored and it gets me out of the state and it covers my ass. My income is primarily from drugs. I thought being a roadie was this lucrative thing and you made a lot of money, it never was. Simon taught me how to make money.” 

I had tried to justify that his name on the dealer’s list was a mistake or Simon’s way to keep up, but clearly that wasn’t why. His name was there because he really did deal drugs and he was a supplier that Simon used.

“How did you hide this?” 

“From you? It was easy. For most of the time you weren’t talking to me, so I didn’t have to really do anything. I hid it from Abigail easily as well, she’s in school and didn’t really question where my income came from.”

“What about when I was living there? Surely it wasn’t that simple.” 

“Not all of my trips to the store, the market, visiting bands, and all that were legit trips Gabs. There was a reason why I didn’t let you go all the time, because sometimes I didn’t really go.” 

He was right, there had been times where he’d not let me leave or go with him. Said it was better I stay home. I guess that explained why. The numerous occasions where he told me he’d be home by some time, but it was hours later. Everything made sense now.

“This is not really explaining anything to me Max about your behavior. You are a dealer and a supplier, but my advice would be to cut ties with that because Simon has you as his supplier, I’m betting as payback.” 

He didn’t comment on that and I moved away from him, keenly aware something was off. “You still talk to him don’t you?” 

“I’m his main supplier of cocaine Gabby, I talk to him every day.” 

“So, you knew I was with him all along then?” 

“I never gave him your information, I was trying to protect you because I know how he was and I didn’t want him to be busted and you be there. I don’t know how he found you, but by the time I learned that you were on the tour with him it was too late. I was hoping you’d quit being a whore, I didn’t expect you to find him in the process. I tried to get him to leave you alone, but he said how bad you were on drugs and that he could help you.”

“You believed that crock of bullshit?” 

“Come on, you were being a whore and we both know that Gabriella. Going home with any man just because he claimed to love you. Simon knew about every guy you went home with, he told me about things I didn’t know about because Abby didn’t even know. You told Abby and I both that he didn’t find out until January, six months after you began dating. That’s a lie. He knew when you met.”

“No doubt he learned most of it from you. How can you be so fucking stupid about that? You should have come to me then.” 

“I came to the tour to see how you were and you were doing better! You had gained weight, you looked healthier, your hair was shorter, still black but shorter. You looked like you were doing better. I didn’t know what he was doing.” 

“Sure, I was better alright. I didn’t mind being forced to eat whatever he provided, didn’t mind being beaten because of my hair or being held down as he hacked it off.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t know what he was doing to you. I just thought he’d gotten through to you! No one else had.”

“But the important part was I got away, I got to get rid of him and move on. Freedom and is what I needed and that’s a good thing.” 

His head dropped some and I looked at him, that really hurt when the realization occurred to me. Simon had known where I was.

“He knew where I was the whole time, didn’t he?” 

He nodded. “That was the plan actually. He called me in January, said that he needed a place for you that was well controlled, because your ability to make smart decisions was not present at all. He said it had to me because Abby couldn’t, I agreed to watch you. He cheated on purpose to piss you off, I didn’t expect that he was going to hurt you though, but we both knew you would come to me when he put you out.” 

“For fucks sake Max, how did you know? I could have gone to anyone.” 

He looked at me. “You had no one else to go to, don’t even fake that bullshit. Simon didn’t allow you many friends and Abby was in the city. He made the subtle suggestion before you left. He mentioned me before hand, it planted a little seed in your brain. When you left he called me so I knew you’d be coming. That was a plan Gabriella. He never really left you, he never broke up with you.” 

“He didn’t have too. I left him and I broke up with him. Why would you do that?” 

“He told me he made a mistake, he’d made a disk that had names on it. Someone informed a higher level dealer about it, apparently his name is on there too. He was informed they were going to raid the house, if they found the disk they’d kill him and everyone inside. He put the disk in your bag when he packed it, he made sure you left with the disk. You and the disk would be safe and he knew when he called you, that you’d come back to him.”

“So, you knew about the disk all along?” 

“Yes.”

“So, you lied to the police when three men broke in, beat the crap out of me, raped me, and nearly killed me? You didn’t think it was important enough for them to know about it? You didn’t think they needed to know?” 

“What was I going to tell them Gabby? The disk has my name on it, I couldn’t tell them where it was and I really didn’t know, because they didn’t find it.”

“So, Simon sent me to you, why? So you could babysit me until he felt it was safe?” 

“Pretty much. He said he would call you when it was safe and that he was positive you’d come back on your own. He did tell me what to do to keep control of you, but I really didn’t believe you were that stupid or that incapable of making decisions. You proved me wrong.”

“What did he want you to do Max? Hit me?” 

“He sent the paddle home with me Gabriella. I didn’t think I needed it, but maybe I should have taken his word for it instead. I got you the job with Hanson because Abigail was bitching at me for not encouraging you to work, for not getting you on your feet. I did it because she kept bitching.”

“So, you didn’t care to get me out of the house or to help me.” 

“No, Simon did not approve of that decision, he was furious with me for that. But I told him it was Hanson, some sugar pop bitches that don’t do drugs, don’t party, they are literally as tame as a fucking newborn kitten. They bored me when I toured with them.”

“It’s why you warned me what an asshole Zac was, why you told me he only did one night stands and he was just all around a bad guy?” 

“I assumed you would fucking listen to me and avoid him. Simon was right, you did not make good decisions and you didn’t jump when he called and when he showed up, you didn’t defend him or agree to go. In fact, you let Zac protect you. Stupid.” 

“You and Abby told me I didn’t need to go back to him, that I was better off without Simon. YOU told me that Maxwell more than once. Yet, you are telling me that you knew the plan and that was all bullshit?” 

“I did and it was, I thought he was right that whatever we said wouldn’t stick. It never has.” 

I couldn’t believe this bullshit, he knew and yet he’d said all the right things and thought I wouldn’t listen? He’d known the plan all along, then a thought occurred to me.

“You didn’t know about the men he was sending to the apartment, did you?” 

Surely, he didn’t know about that! But he didn’t immediately tell me no, which is what I expected. He claimed that he cared about me, if he knew they were coming he would have told me. But he didn’t deny it, he didn’t say anything, just stood there. That may have hurt the most out of everything he’d done, hitting me included.

“I think you need to leave now.” 

“Gabriella.” 

He started toward me and I held my hands up. “Don’t touch me Maxwell. Don’t even get near me.” 

“They were only suppose to restrain you and get the disk, that was it!”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” 

“They weren’t suppose to hurt you! They couldn’t find it and they told Simon it wasn’t there.” 

“Taylor had it, I was mad at Zac and left the bag on the bus. He brought it to me earlier this year.” 

“Do you have it?” 

The excitement in his voice didn’t help how I was feeling. “No. Unlike you I couldn’t lie to the police, so I gave it to them. I also gave them the codes to decipher the disk, Simon taught them to me. It’s why he wanted you to control me Max, it’s why he didn’t tell me about it, why he insistent I come back to him and why he sent Damien to get me.”

“You gave it to the police? Are you fucking stupid?”

“No, three men nearly killed me for that fucking disk and I didn’t want it in my hands. I trusted you Maxwell, I thought you were my friend or at least that you cared enough to protect me from Simon. Yet, all this time you’ve been helping him. He didn’t get my number from some log on the tour, you gave it to him. It’s how he got my new number, my e-mails, it’s how he knew where I was. All this time you’ve been lying to me.” 

“You should have gone back when he called. I mean really, you’re decision making skills suck. You should divorce your husband and go back to him, he can do so much better.” 

“I’m not doing that Maxwell. I’m not getting a divorce, I’m not leaving Zac. I’ll never go back to Simon, I don’t care if Zac divorces me tomorrow.”

“Bad decision.” 

“It’s time you leave. We have nothing else to discuss.” 

“So you can run to your little boy toy and cry on his shoulder now? Predictable.”

The nagging pain from this betrayal was bad but then the little blip of anger came over me. He was blaming me for what happened? That my decision to not return to someone who raped and beat me was bad? I really had no idea what came over me. I heard the door open and I heard Zac’s voice, but they walked in about the time I punched him in the face as hard as I could. 

Max stumbled and then fell to the floor, when he looked up at me confused there was blood gushing from his nose which looked completely weird.

“Get the fuck out and do not ever come near me again. You can take your fucking beliefs and Simon and you can shove them both up your ass. I do not ever want to see you again. Now Get out.” 

“Gabby...” He started. It was a bit gargled due to the blood.

“GET. OUT!” I screamed.

To punctuate my words, Isaac held the door open. Taylor and Zac laid down the bags in their hands fully prepared to help him if needed, but he got up without help and left. Isaac closed the door behind him and then they looked at me, all three were confused and stunned.

“We brought you lunch Mrs. Hanson. They didn’t have the pickles you liked though, please don’t go hitting me for that.” Isaac said.

“I won’t hit you.” 

“Sure about that? I think you just broke his nose. I’m pretty sure that’s how Zac’s nose looked when his was broken.” 

“Baby, what happen?” Zac asked.

“He knew they were coming to the apartment for the disk, he knew because Simon told him and they’ve been talking since he left. He gave him the number, he was suppose to fucking babysit me for Simon.” 

“Wow, Max knew they were coming?” Zac asked.

“Yes. Apparently they weren’t suppose to hurt me.” 

“Which way did he go?” He asked.

“Zachary.” Taylor and Isaac both said.

“The bastard would deserve to have me stomp his ass into the concrete since he knew, he could have told her to leave the house.” 

“Yes, but you don’t need to be in jail. Max made his decisions and he’ll have to live with them.” Taylor said.

I explained what he said to them how he’d basically been an asshole the whole time. I ate lunch and they checked my lines and once approved I began to paint, but about six Zac went to the front to answer the door and several moments later my brother came in. I looked at him and blinked, he had a busted lip and a obvious black eye and yet I knew he was still pissed off. But, why was he here? Why was he pissed? And what happen to his face?!

“What the hell happened Shawn?” 

“You’re little fucking friend Max came to the hospital with a broken nose, which you apparently gave him.” 

“Did I?” 

“It was broken, yes.” 

“So…what happen to your eye and your lip then? I mean, you didn’t do that to yourself.” 

“As I am assisting the nurse in ER with his nose and he’s making shitty comments about you, how you are a whore, can’t make decisions, stupid, I mean it was bad. Before he left I told him I was glad my baby sister broke his fucking nose. I get off and the bastard is waiting by my car. Tells me I need to do something about my out of control sister.”

“Didn’t realize I was out of control.” 

“Well, he revisited the ER, pretty sure I broke that nose a little more and I’m certain his arm might be broken too. Funny, no idea what happen to him. I told the guy that called I left and didn’t see him, but considering he was flapping about some girl breaking his nose earlier when we saw him I assumed he was on drugs.”

Zac smiled. “You did good, I would have broken the arm for sure.” 

“Won’t they know when you show up for work tomorrow?” 

He smiled. “I shall tell them I was here with you and my brother in law and I got into an argument and well, he won. Let’s face it, Zac’s arms are twice the size of mine it’s totally believable.” 

“Which would explain why you’re here then.” 

“Of course. I mean, you were here and they were here. I have witnesses.” 

“Totally possible for Zac to do that, we gotcha back. No problem, I think your sister has the killer right hook though.” Taylor said.

He smiled and I just blushed a bit. “He deserved it.” 

“So, I beat his ass for the comments he was making, what did he do to deserve that punch? It’ll help me justify the ass beating he just got.” 

Again, I explained what he told me and Shawn was not very calm after that, but the boys didn’t let him leave.

“Well, let’s hope my message gets through because next time I may break a lot more. Now see you’ve been making great decisions all along.” 

“I guess I have been, without even knowing.” 

Zac just smiled as he’d been trying to tell me.

“Oh, is this another dragon?” 

“Yes, black and white commission. The future owner is color blind, so he wanted black and white.” 

“You’re specialty.” 

“It’s big, Zac and the other two confirmed my lines earlier.” 

He came over and reviewed it too. “You got this. Didn’t you have a second one?” 

“It’s almost done, it’s right there. I needed to let it dry good to make sure the colors were legit.” 

He viewed it too and approved. “I’m hanging on to my originals. Oh! You told me to tell you when my red dragon goes on my chest. Major problem sis, you drew that fucker huge. It covers like my sides, my entire chest, way too far down the front. I mean the head is like…It’s…well, it’s low.” 

“Do you want me to re-do something that will fit?” 

“I will love you forever.” 

“That’s not a bargaining chip, you’re obligated to love me forever.” 

“I will…I don’t know what do you want?” 

I really didn’t have much of an idea but the first thing that came to mind is what came out.

“Go with me for the final fitting for my dress, it’s on the tenth at nine am. After that you’re free because I meet the other girls at eleven for their dresses.” 

“You want me to go with you?”

“Yep.” 

“I’ll go.” Zac said.

“You are not going, so stop asking!” 

“I tried!” 

“I’ll go.” Shawn said.

I got the drawing tablet and taped two pieces together. “Where do you want it?” 

He indicated his upper chest and mid-abdomen. So I traced myself a pattern so I knew the lines and since he was picky and didn’t want to have to tattoo the nipples I marked them off too. I then put it up and he made his way home. Our new tattoo’s were healing nicely too, Zac’s looked awesome. Since I had basically been distracted enough I stopped and they did too, closing up and heading home. The studio would close the 19 th and I had to have his painting shipped by the 15 th. He’d already paid for it. The downside to this new income source was Zac had to teach me about taxes, because I was clueless about those and how to properly send the right amounts. Yet, he was patient with me and made sure I understood. 

We were comfortable in bed and asleep by eleven.


	49. Final Countdown

POV: Gabby / Zac 

  

December 10, 2008

Shawn picked me up at the too early time of 8 am and we grabbed breakfast and then headed to the dress shop. He seemed nervous about visiting this place and I wondered why but he was here and that was what mattered. Elaine met us and he waited in the front while I went to the back and got changed. Elaine had my body suit as well and I put it on with the dress itself and I still loved it. I’d even brought my shoes so the final length could be taken. 

Shawn was sitting there waiting, staring at his phone when I stepped in front of him. He seemed to follow the dress up to my face, taking in details and maybe memorizing how I looked.

“Well, what do you think big brother?” 

“I think you are the most beautiful woman in the entire world.”

“Don’t make me cry it’s way too early for that.” 

He smiled. “I really like it and I think Zac will love it.”

“Is there anything that you see that needs to be altered?” 

He got up and did a circle around me. “I don’t, but I will trust this lovely lady to make the final call.” 

Elaine smiled. “I’m glad you like it, she wasn’t entirely sure. Are you sure now?” 

“I made the right call. Do you have a veil? Zac informed me he wanted one but I’m not sure why.” 

“I do, I think a small simple one would look good.” 

“I do too.” Shawn said.

She left to go find one and we stood there waiting on her to return.

“I spoke to Julian the other day, she came to the hospital actually.” 

“Is she okay?” 

“She is okay, her current husband fell and they feared he’d broken his arm. He was fine, just a little swelling and bruising. She asked me if I knew where you were.” 

I looked at him. “What did you tell her?” 

“I told her we had reconnected, that you were married and with a great guy. I just wasn’t sure how you’d feel about her knowing much else.” 

I shrugged. “Julian wasn’t really bad, just how she didn’t know what that bastard was doing is beyond me.” 

“He hid it well Ella. She uh… wants to see you.” 

I raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Ella, come on. You were there ten years before you left, just because Jacob was an asshole doesn’t mean she didn’t care or love us.”

“She didn’t bother to find either of us Shawn.” 

“She found me Ella, I just wouldn’t come back.”

“She never bothered to try with me. I knew she looked for you, didn’t know she found you.” 

“She did try, she just couldn’t find you. You were far better at hiding but it was because you were out of the state too.” 

I shrugged again. “I don’t see why I need to see her. It’s been a long time since I’ve bothered.” 

“You can’t deny that you love her, maybe not as a mother or anything but you do. I saw it when you were there.” 

“I’ll admit to that Shawn, but I don’t know that I want to meet her now. I understand she claims to not know what her husband was doing but it didn’t excuse the fact she didn’t pick up on any signs.” 

“I told her I wasn’t sure what you’d want to do, but if you want to see her then I will take you.” 

I nodded and Elaine came back with a simple veil that worked really well. Shawn did take pictures but he promised not to share them with anyone until after the wedding. She did the final pins and then I changed back into my street clothes for the day. The girls were 30 minutes out so he went ahead and left me here with Elaine, Ruby was also here I’d seen her earlier. I was just texting with Zac when she came over.

“Gabriella?” 

I glanced up from the phone. “Yes?” 

“I thought it was you, but um..I just want to apologize to you for the way I acted when you came in.” 

I just sat here and stared at her, wasn’t really sure what I should say. She’d made most of that day miserable.

“I was jealous that you married him and I only got one night and I’m not sure he really enjoyed anything. Probably why he never called back. I just let my emotions take over and I’m sorry for making your day harder than it should have been. I’m here to make brides happy and I just screwed up with you.” 

“You did, pretty much to the point of me walking away. It had been years since he was with you, why did you think that behavior was okay?” 

“I didn’t think about it honestly. But, I’m glad he’s happy. I saw some photos that were posted and you guys look really good together. I’m sorry and I wish I had been more supportive.” 

“Accepted.” 

She smiled and walked away, maybe she had seen the fan I attacked? Who knew. Abigail was the first to arrive and she sat down beside me.

“I heard from Max finally, he told me what happen and that he knew Simon and everything. He then told me you broke his nose and Shawn broke the setting and his arm…”

“No idea what you’re talking about but I don’t care to hear anything he had to say.” 

“Makes two of us, I told him he deserved a lot more for thinking he could control you for Simon, for not telling you about the men. I’m sure you would have left and went to Zac, which would have been better. I can’t believe he let you get hurt like that. He’s not the same man I fell in love with.” 

“He’s not the same one I did either, but no more Max talk. I’m done with him and I don’t care to hear anymore.” 

“Deal. So, where is your dress?” 

“Shawn came with me, my appointment was at nine. It really didn’t need much adjustment just for my shoes.” 

“I’m sure it’ll be perfect, those mermaid styles always are. Did Shawn like it?” 

“He did. He said Julian wanted to see me.” 

She turned. “Julian?” 

“Yeah, he saw her at the hospital her new husband thought he broke his arm. I just…I don’t know if I want to see her.” 

“Talk with Zac, he’ll help you make the right decision. He’s impartial. I say meet her because she loved you, she always made sure you were taken care of. Even if she was ignorant on what Jacob did. I mean come on, she didn’t know about the girls in the neighborhood either.” 

“Neither did I. I thought I was the only one.”

Nicole came in next and Stella was on her heels. Taylor had done awesome with her engagement ring, nice heart shaped with diamonds inside. It was perfect for her. Sierra was the last one to arrive and in true fashion she stood out quite a bit. I got Elaine who got their dresses and they got changes and came out.

They looked amazing on them, the ivory color was perfect and they would look nice next to the guys too. Stella and Nicole were totally in love with the dresses but Abby seemed indifferent and Sierra looked irritated.

“Talk to me.” I said.

“I like the color but this mesh thing near my neck is just irritating. But, I think it’s a good style and it’s just me that doesn’t like things around my neck.” Abby said.

“It’s a dress and it’s not black.” Sierra said.

“Sierra, I wasn’t going to do black in any dress style.” 

“I was hoping for leather and lace or something.” 

Stella and Nicole seemed a little bummed that neither of them liked the dress they chose. But, I loved them. They were clean and simple, worked well with their chest sizes which ranged and was long enough. 

“I just don’t like the dress at all. It’s just not what I would want to wear.” Sierra said.

“We could change them.” Stella said.

“No. We’re not changing anything. It’s too late to reorder the dresses. Sierra, come on. You knew the bridesmaid dress wasn’t going to be leather and lace, you knew it wasn’t going to be your normal attire. You only have to wear the dress for an hour, so deal with it. Abby doesn’t like the neck but she’s not bitching about it. So shut up, tell Elaine if it needs to be altered, and deal.” 

The other three took a step back and she stood there looking at me. “I can change once the main ceremony is over?” 

“Yes. You can wear whatever you want after the ceremony and pictures are done.” 

She sighed. “Can I wear black shoes?” 

“No, light colors.” 

“Can they be any style?” 

“I don’t care what the shoes look like as long they are light colors.”

“Okay. I’ll deal with this dress for you, but only you.” 

“Well, you ever get married I won’t bitch about what you chose. Zac might, but I won’t.” 

She finally smiled and they discussed with Elaine any needed changes. The biggest change was the length, because they were too long for them all. Once they had the right measurements and everyone was changed we headed to lunch. Which ironically went very well, considering that none of them had really spent any real time around each other, except Stella and Nicole who already knew one another.

“So, Zac’s picking you up at the bookstore.” Stella said.

“Why there?” 

“Well, the cake shop is near the bookstore, he said he’d meet us there.”

“That’s right it is, makes sense. Everyone else is the opposite direction.” 

She smiled and we kept our conversation on the wedding itself, plans that they were working on, and just nice and normal things. We headed our separate ways at two, Stella and I heading to the bookstore.

“You know about my adopted parents, Shawn said Julian wanted to meet with me.” 

“Is that why you’ve been so quiet?” 

“Yeah. I don’t know whether I should or not.” 

“Well, why would she want too?” 

“Spent ten years with her and she really wasn’t that bad. Just…her ex-husband.” 

“Do you feel like she knew what he was doing?” 

“Honestly, I don’t think she did. I feel like she should have known but I don’t think she did. Shawn has mentioned that she was shocked when she found out what he was doing.” 

“Did you ever tell her what he was doing?” 

“No. He told me they’d send me away if I did. I didn’t want to leave Shawn.” 

“I would say she probably wants to know you’re okay. I don’t see why you shouldn’t meet with her. I’d definitely take Zac and even talk with him about it.” 

“He wouldn’t let me go alone.” 

“I wouldn’t, just in case.” 

We arrived at the bookstore and Zac was waiting on us. He thanked her and then we headed to the cake shop, it was within walking distance so it was a short trip. I’d provided a drawing and they showed us an example, one tier to make sure they got the details right. It was perfect so we ordered the correct size and paid for the cake while we were here. We then headed back to the car.

“What is next?” I asked.

“Well, we have several hours and we should probably get some shopping done. Decorations are up and everything.” 

“Yay for shopping.” 

He smiled. “You know you love to shop.” 

“Not always! But, didn’t we cover some people already?” 

“Yeah, but we have several left.” 

“I guess we shop then.” 

He headed to the shopping area across town, it had a lot of variety in the shops so it would help cover more people.

“Shawn said that Julian wanted to meet with me.” 

“Isn’t she the one that adopted you and Shawn?” 

“Yes. Shawn saw her at the hospital and she asked about me. Said she wanted to see me.” 

“Do you want to see her?” 

“I really don’t know.” 

“Have you ever thought about going to find her?” 

“I have once or twice, but not in a long time.” 

“Did she do anything that made you think she knew what he was doing? Any reason why you feel like she wouldn’t be a good person or influence?” 

“I don’t think she knew but I’m not sure. Beyond what her husband did, she has given me no reason to think she was in on it or that she was evil or bad. She did try to ask a few times but I just wouldn’t tell her.” 

“Why not?” 

“I didn’t think she’d believe me because Jacob told me she wouldn’t and he said they’d send me away. I’m just not sure that I trust her or that I want to see her.” 

“Didn’t she remarry?” 

“She divorced Jacob and remarried, yeah. I don’t know who and Shawn didn’t tell me who. I’m just not sure.”

“I think you should be sure and maybe this month isn’t the right one.” 

“Probably not.” 

“Are you okay? You haven’t said anything since the other day.” 

I’d cried all day on the official due date, I couldn’t help it and there had been many moments since the first where I just couldn’t stop myself from falling apart.

“We just need to avoid those areas at the mall.”

I felt his hand get mine. “It’ll be okay. Concerning Julian I think you should wait. There is enough emotional things going on this month and the wedding too. It’ll be better if we wait to see her. I know she may want to be there but really, it’s not a good time to talk with her.” 

“I could invite her but I’d rather see her first.” 

“I think it’ll be okay.”

He parked and we went inside, the number of gifts we needed was pretty large and included family and friends. We stayed well away from the maternity and baby aisles, mostly because neither of us could really handle it. We’d actually asked Isaac and Taylor to acquire gifts for the younger members of the family. We finished as many as we could before it got late and we headed to the apartment. Once we were there we unloaded the car and started dinner.

“Do you want a car of your own?” He asked.

It was a random question, kind of out of the blue actually, since he’d never really asked me that.

“I haven’t really thought about it.” 

“I know you can drive and you are a good driver, but I didn’t know if you wanted a car or if you’d just been avoiding it because you weren’t sure.”

“Well, we usually go to the same places and at the same time so I really don’t see a need for a second car. Is there some define reason why I might?” 

“I can’t think of anything, but I mean it’s always possible.”

“I think we’re fine with one and if for some reason we get to a point where one becomes impractical then we can see about a replacement or a second one.” 

“See, you make all kinds of smart decisions.” 

“I just don’t see a reason why.” 

We finished up dinner and ate at the table, keeping conversation light on good subjects. After dinner I was cleaning up and he sat at the counter.

“No messages or calls from Simon or Damien?” 

“No. I mean they know where the disk is, my guess is there pedaling fast to get themselves out of hot water. The detectives have the codes and we’ve sent them the names of everyone already. If they don’t pedal fast, they are stupid.” 

“Just hoping they’ve decided you can’t help them anymore. I know we have a kind of down year coming but we are planning a tour and I would like for you to be able to walk and attend events without them being a factor.” 

“I agree. No messages, e-mails, nothing. Max hasn’t sent anything either and that’s good too.” 

“I can’t believe the asshole spent all that time telling you how horrible I was, when his objective was to keep you for Simon. That’s bullshit.” 

“He thought Abby would agree with him, he was mistaken. He spent all that time telling me I was better, telling me leaving him was a good thing, and even got me the job with you and then acted like it was a crime when I could make decisions. I think he got tired of babysitting and thought you guys could do a good job for him.” 

He smiled. “Oh I did a great job babysitting you. I’ve kept you safe and happy and well taken care of. I guess I kind of kidnapped you though.” 

“Kind of, yeah.”

“I’m not going to complain.” 

I finished cleaning up the kitchen and we sat down to wrap what we got. We were making decent progress when I caught him fingering the ribbon in his hand, it was kind of weird and I wondered what he was thinking, but he didn’t leave me wondering for long.

“I should just wrap you up in this ribbon.” He said.

I looked up from the box I was wrapping. “Wrap me up in ribbon?”

“It’s pretty strong, I doubt you would get away.” 

“You think I’d want too? You should know better.” 

“We should finish wrapping though…” 

I raised an eyebrow. “Considering that the pants you have on are a bit tighter, I don’t think wrapping that box is what you really want to do.” 

“Not like you want to finish either, you haven’t really bothered to finish that corner.” 

I pushed the box to the side and moved toward him, crawling my way up and sliding the box to the side along with the ribbon.

“I can’t wrap you in ribbon without the ribbon.” 

I just nudged him on back and crawled up his body. “I did buy you handcuffs last year, pretty sure you don’t need the ribbon.” 

“We can wrap this later..we have 15 days before it has to be wrapped.” 

“I kind of like the way you think. You want me in anything this time?” 

“Why would I want you in anything? It’s no fun if you’re dressed.”

I kissed him and got up, I really didn’t mind that distraction, knew he wouldn’t mind either and we even made it to bed at a somewhat decent time.


	50. Snowflakes

POV: Gabby / Zac

  

December 31, 2008

Christmas had been a great day all around. Everyone had a great time and it was much more pleasant than last year’s nervous wreck. Grace was able to attend with us and even though there were babies present, I did very well. Samantha was already crawling and she sought me out when she was put down, clearly she liked me and that made me feel good. Michael even played with me in the floor with their new toys. 

Because we wanted to follow some form of traditional weddings, I stayed with his parents for the night. I’d been nervous about that but it had been good because she and I got to talk without the guys. I’d actually slept pretty late and Diana made sure I had a very filling lunch because it would be a while before we had dinner. 

“Where is your wedding dress?” She asked.

“Shawn took it to the venue already, Victoria wanted to get pictures of the dress in the chapel area before Zac got there and was roaming around. It should be back in the bag waiting for me when we arrive. She’s already there getting pictures of like the Chapel, settings and stuff.” 

“You’ll love her. She’s amazing. She took a lot of our family photos.” 

“I met Richard when we paid them but she was in the studio area. He’ll be following Zac but he’s probably there already.” 

“It’s safer, he can keep Zac away from that dress. Boy is obsessed with seeing what you chose.” 

“He’s asked everyone.” 

Not that it would have mattered if anyone told him anything, because the dress I paid for only Shawn had seen and he flatly refused to tell anyone anything and I knew he has pictures.

I smiled and we got everything we needed from the house, which was mostly my stuff. Walker had left earlier in the day to meet with family members that had flown in and to ensure that they had a ride to and from. We got to the venue at two, as planned and the dress was indeed hanging in the dressing room, sealed in the bag. Victoria met me and even showed me some of the pictures she had taken.

“Perfect, thank you.” 

“No problem. I haven’t shown anyone else because you asked me not too.” 

“Thank you. Are you following us around?” 

“Yes, ma’am. Richard is with Zac now and they are not really getting ready yet, but there making sure the smaller details are handled.”

“Zac told me not to bother with any detail beyond me.”

Abigail was doing my nails so I sat down for her so they had plenty of time to dry. She was currently the only one here.

“A little birdie told me you talked with Julian.” 

“Yeah, I wasn’t going too but the more I thought about it the more I kind of did want too. She felt really bad about what he did and she was genuine when she told me she didn’t know and wished she had. Her new husband is awesome. He had children when they met and they have a grandson. I haven’t met anyone else and right now I don’t want too.” 

“Understandable. Zac mentioned you invited her today.” 

“I considered not inviting her but assuming that we have some kind of relationship then I’d feel bad about not doing it. She said they would try to make it today but she wasn’t sure if they could. His son is in the army and he maybe home.”

She was just cleaning the nails well and making sure they were all the same length and perfect. Victoria had grabbed a few pictures of her as she was meticulous. She was putting snowflakes on my fingers and the big toe, so it was going to take her some time. Victoria said she was going to get some food while she was cleaning my toes. 

“So, how did you do this month? I know you’ve been keeping super busy.” 

I didn’t need to ask what her reference was, I knew. “The due date itself was...horrible. I cried all day basically. I’ve had moments and so has Zac. We didn’t do any shopping for the little ones, we asked Taylor or Isaac to get them something. Stella was awesome and basically got all the babies something for us. Christmas was good, Michael and Samantha kind of attached themselves to me.”

She smiled. “It’s good that you’re doing okay.”

“It is but I think it’s kind of settled in that there is the future and it’s not a big problem unless it does keep happening.”

She smiled. “You’ll be fine. So, I graduate in a few months. You better be there.” 

“Where else would I be?” 

She smiled and waited until Victoria was back before she started the design. She had my left hand done when Sierra came in. 

“It’s cold as hell outside.” 

“Aren’t you glad you’re inside?” I asked.

“Totally. Oh let me see those nails.” 

I showed her the left hand and she just seemed happy. “I couldn’t have done that, girl you got patience.” 

“It takes patience, hold still.” 

It didn’t take as long for the toes, because only one had a design. I then had to sit until the polish was completely dry, but that gave Sierra time to get what little makeup I agreed to wear, which was just a foundation and some lip-gloss which wouldn’t go on until I was near walking out.

The time was set for six, so at four they brought me a snack tray and then it was getting ready. Elaine was here now to make sure I got the dress on right and Sierra and I stepped into the bathroom so I could put my under garments on. She was phenomenal with the snaps and I sucked. They always came loose or irritated me.

“You’re slightly trembling, are you okay?” 

“Just a little nervous, I haven’t been the center of attention in a long time.” 

“You’ll be fine I’m sure.” 

She was almost done when I heard Diana, Abigail, Stella, and apparently Nicole screech in the main room.

“Did they see a mouse or some shit?” Sierra asked.

“I don’t know…” 

But my guess was…they’d opened the bag. She finished the last clasp and we stepped outside where the three ladies were looking irritated, upset, and just like something catastrophic had happened. When Sierra gasp I turned and found the bag open, my wedding dress still hanging there, clean and pristine as it was when I tried it on before.

“I’m so sorry Gabriella. I thought Elaine would do good.” Diana said.

“She did.” 

“It’s not the right dress! It’s all wrong. It’s nothing like what you chose.” Abigail said.

“It’s not the picture we saw either.” Nicole said.

Elaine came in, unaware of what was going on. “Are you ready to get put in your dress?” 

“If it was the right one!” Diana said.

That confused Elaine and I just giggled, I found it funny and that was weird. Maybe it was my little moment to not panic or freak out over something, it was their moment.

“Everyone calm down. It’s the right dress.”

“It is? You said you didn’t want this style.” Abigail said.

“Well, after trying on so many I was just tired. I settled with the last one and when we got back she said she could tell and that I shouldn’t settle. She asked me to give her a chance and I did. She brought me this one and it was the one I bought. I didn’t spend all the time getting measurements done. I’m sorry I just…I didn’t like the one you all agreed on. It was too busy and I wanted simple.” 

“But…” Abigail said.

“Trust me. You ladies get yourselves ready, Elaine is going to get me ready.” 

“You’re going to freeze.” Stella said.

“It has a bodysuit that will help.” 

Before they started getting ready I went to the bathroom, I would have a devil of a time once I was in the dress, so now it was and then they reluctantly began to take turns changing into their dresses but I had to get ready right in the middle of the room. The dress couldn’t be in the bathroom. We got the bodysuit on and situated, and then she put the main dress on and got it laced and then zipped up. She made minimal adjustment to the top area so I had some cleavage but not a ton. 

Diana was the only one that didn’t need to change and she assisted Elaine a bit, the dress fit perfectly and once my shoes were on it was at the perfect length.

“I must admit, this is far better than the last one. I think you chose well.” Diana said.

“I think so too.” 

Stella and Nicole liked the dress once it was on me, Sierra and Abigail were just quiet.

“You two can’t be mad or upset.” 

“I’m not, just it’s not the style you wanted but I can’t deny that it does look good on you. It’s perfect.” Abby said.

“I liked the details on the other one, but…I have to agree. It does look perfect and I like the top area better.” 

I smiled at them and managed to find a seat that wouldn’t wrinkle anything. When my phone went off, I grabbed it because it was Zac’s tone.

**_Have they gotten you all dolled up yet?_ **

_All but the hair..which..oh..Sierra is attacking now…_

**_I still can’t see you can I?!_ **

_You have an hour left, I am sure you’ll live._

**_You remember complaining about the forest and it being all brown when we were here a few weeks ago?_ **

_Yes. I wanted pretty. Brown and dead isn’t pretty. But, it was too late to change anything…_

The next message I got was a picture, surely he wasn’t sharing nudes today! But I was surprised by what he sent, it was a view out the big windows.

**_You got your wish Gabriella, it’s not brown and dead. It’s pretty and white. Most everyone is here. I’m going to go insane the next 59 minutes though…_ **

The view out the windows was spectacular, it was so pretty and white and it was perfect, it was what I’d wanted something pretty. I heard Sierra sigh and pick up the makeup case. Clearly, the tears messed it up.

_You just messed up my makeup and Sierra is pissed, you made me cry already and that’s not cool! I’ll be there in 57 minutes. Be ready!_

**_I’m already ready. I’ll see you soon._ **

“What did my son do that made you cry?” Diana asked.

“It snowed, pretty heavily apparently. He sent me a picture of it.” 

“He could have waited.” Sierra said.

“Okay, I’m going to head on out. You ladies have things covered.” Diana said.

“I’m going to see where we’re going. Sierra you got this?” Abby asked.

“Yeah, she asked for just simple, I just need something here for the veil.” 

“We’re going to meet up with the guys then, get the plan and stuff. Give you some time alone too.” Stella said.

I nodded, but I wouldn’t be alone. Sierra wasn’t going to leave the room and Victoria wasn’t either. They filed out and I glanced up at Sierra.

“Thank you for wearing your dress without altering it.” 

“After the verbal abuse at the place I figured it was safer to leave it as is. I also heard about a broken nose and well, I like my nose just fine.”

She finished pulling back some of my hair and attaching the veil, she was about to sit down when there was a soft knock, knowing Zac she got it in case he was trying to be sneaky. But she let someone in and I turned, the woman standing there in the very nice dress had shorter brown hair, which was layered around her face and currently down. Her eyes were the same dark grey color I always remembered.

“Mom?” 

Sierra looked completely stunned and the other woman began to cry. I was quick to get her tissue because tears for her would make me cry again!

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing is, I just…I never expected you to call me Mom again and you’re so beautiful in that dress. I didn’t think I’d be having this moment with anyone.”

“I didn’t think you’d be here.” 

“Travis’s son came in but he told me I couldn’t miss this. Neither of us could, so he came too. His son is spending the afternoon with his mother. I just couldn’t miss you getting married. I couldn’t.” 

“Gabby?” Sierra asked.

I wiped away the few tears. “This is Julian Sierra, she and her ex adopted me when I was six. This is Sierra.” 

She nodded at her. “Oh! I wasn’t sure if anyone remembered. I brought you something.” 

She got a box from her purse and presented it to me. “They belonged to my mother, you didn’t get to spend much time with her but she passed them to me before she died with the promise that when you got married I was to pass them to you. I think they fit very well with your theme.” 

I opened the box to a set of earrings, snowflake design that would have a little bit of a dangle to them. They were mostly silver with diamonds, but they looked white. They were perfect.

“They are perfect.” 

“Much better than the studs you have on.” Sierra said.

Julian quickly helped me changed them out.

“I wasn’t sure but I also got something new.”

The new item was a snowflake pendant, it was close to the earrings but not an exact match. 

“I don’t have a chain with me.” 

“I figured you would.” 

“Don’t flip yet, let me go ask the other girls.” Sierra said.

She stepped out and it left us here alone. It could have been her reason for suggesting it.

“You really are beautiful Gabriella, I’m glad that I can be here today.” 

“Why this old and new?” 

“Something old, something borrowed, something new and something blue. Did you not know about that?” 

“No, I mean I heard it but didn’t think anything else about it.” 

“Well, you’ve had a lot on your mind. Why today though?”

“What do you mean?” 

“Why get married the 31 st?” 

“Oh. No, our wedding date is actually November 13. We’ve been married over a year, but we got married in Vegas and his mom was very disappointed, we wanted to make sure we would last. When we determined that we set the date. Our actual wedding was thirteen days after we began to date, so we didn’t say I love you until December 31 st, I chose today because of that. This is formality, we’ve been married.” 

“Shawn said you’d gotten married, he didn’t say when. I did see some news places around Christmas last year, my husband’s daughter is an avid Hanson fan. When you told me who you married I uh, didn’t tell her. Especially when you invited us, because she would want to come and it’s not appropriate of a reason. I just assumed you married today last year.”

“Do you need me to step out?” Victoria asked.

I’d completely forgotten she was even here. “No, it’s fine.” 

“Would you like a picture before you have to head out?” 

“Please.” 

She got a few of us before Sierra returned with a chain. “Stella took hers off.” 

“Something borrowed, do you have something blue?” Julian asked.

“No.” I said.

“Actually…you do...” Sierra said.

She went and got something from her bag and came back. “Because you never mentioned it, I bought you a garter belt set. It’s blue, no one would see it until Zac removes it later.” 

“Oh..well, I guess I do.” 

“Okay, I’m going to get my seat. I’ll be waiting on you.” 

“Everyone is.” 

She smiled and a light kiss before she left the room. I hadn’t realized how much I really wanted her here until she was. I couldn’t deny that she is the closest thing to a mom I had, she essentially care more than anyone else.

“Mom huh?” Sierra asked.

“She may as well be, she raised me for ten years and cared more about me than anyone else had before. I hardly called her Julian and I did the other day when we talked on the phone. God, I hadn’t seen her in almost ten years.” 

“You need to stop fucking with your make up!” 

She fixed it again and then sat down. “Give me your right leg.” 

“What?” 

She just looked at me so I did, even Victoria was a little confused until she opened the garter packages. Victoria got pictures of her putting the garters on my leg.

“Be sure to let Zac know which side, poor guy doesn’t need issues groping around. The one higher up though he removes tonight when you’re all alone. The one lower he removes during the reception. It’s meant to be given away, it’s the thinner one.” 

“Okay.” 

“You are ready. I’m going to get your escort.” 

Victoria got a picture of both garters while we were alone and by the time Shawn came in she had them and I was standing.

“Don’t cry! Sierra will kick my butt if I mess this up again.” 

“That’s going to be hard to do, you are gorgeous and I love that dress. Did Julian see you?” 

“Yeah, she came in and provided the old and new items.” 

“She was going to send them with me but I told her she needed to give them to you herself. I’m glad she did. So, are you ready?” 

“As ready as I can be.” 

He smiled and held his hand out to me. “You’re groom awaits.” 

I was glad that he’d come back, glad that Julian had showed up. I couldn’t imagine my wedding without them. As we lined up Taylor and Isaac looked at me.

“Stop worrying, he’s going to love that dress.” Taylor said.

“Let’s hope he doesn’t faint or something over you.” Isaac said.

Andrew smiled. “Seriously, I can’t change your mind? I’ll take his place.” 

Sierra looked at him. “You’ll be third in line buddy, if I can’t pry her away then you won’t either.” 

I simply smiled. “No, there’s only one person I want to be meeting at that alter.”

In five minutes I would be…

**-Zac-**

Night alone. Everyone said that wouldn’t be bad. They all lied to me. Eight hours had felt like months. I had gotten our packing done though, so we could leave for our official honeymoon tomorrow night. She wanted Paris and London and I had scheduled some days there, but not many. I wanted her to see castles and rolling hills, so while we would spend a little time in those areas we would spend more in Scotland and Ireland. We would be gone most of January, coming back to Florida for the Rock Boat. 

The venue had done a remarkable job, the eating area was set up with round tables, silver table clothes with a pale blue cover and then a white one, making it really pretty, the center pieces were various flowers and they were small so people could talk. The chairs in the chapel area had white and silver covers, alternating by row and at the ends were blue ties, we had no flower girl or ring boy, so flower petals were laid down once everyone was seated. The view of the outside was amazing, the snow had started about 3 and it fell very heavily for two hours, blanketing the entire view outside with snow. Pristine, untouched, pure white snow. It would mean for super cold pictures outside but I even covered that with a silver faux fur coat for her, I knew her arms would be cold and exposed. 

I’d nagged everyone for dress details and no one would budge, so I had no idea what to expect. I was nervous and excited and terrified all at the same time. I could see a lot of my family members, cousins, aunts and uncles along with my parents. Mom was wearing a pink bow to represent our baby sister. I could see my friends that were always around even if they weren’t close like Andrew and Jack. I saw Julian and Travis and made sure they were seated with my parents, a place saved for Shawn too. She also friends here, Heather was one and the others I really didn’t know well.

The closer to time the more antsy I got. 

We chose traditional wedding music and when it started I think I forgot how to breathe. Yet it was just the bridesmaids and groomsmen’s, which I was glad that my brothers came down first, reminding me to breathe. Once they were each standing on the respective sides the music changed to the traditional wedding march. I took a deep breath, this was very different than our Vegas wedding. Everyone was here and I was going to fully remember this without the need of a video.

Yet, then the doors opened and Gabriella and Shawn began to come toward me no one else in the room existed. She had told me mermaid style, but what she had on was not that style. The corset style top had intricate details swirling around her upper body and they continued over her chest, shoulders, and arms. The bottom was white, simple, and flowed with her. It wasn’t super huge, it was perfect. There was just a little trailing behind her and I couldn’t even see her shoes. 

Before long Shawn was handing her off to me and I could see the little snowflake earrings, matching necklace, ones I’d never seen before. She was gorgeous and I really couldn’t have asked for anyone else to be the bride. It was surreal to actually hear and remember the wording, to know that everyone was witnessing this and it was really official. The ceremony itself was pretty quick, we were vows to kiss in what felt like a blink of an eye. I didn’t even care that everyone saw that kiss either. 

We walked out together and went to her side of the room, our side was a disaster but I just wanted a few moments alone, so I locked everyone else out.

“That is so mean.” 

“I haven’t seen you in over 24 hours, it’s not mean. But this dress is absolutely perfect, I think you were right to choose it.” 

“It scared everyone when they opened the bag and this was there instead of the one they seen.” 

She retrieved her phone and showed me a picture of the last dress, the details were too much in my opinion, they were all over and shiny and it wasn’t her.

“I like this one, I’m not sure I could have handled that one.” 

She kissed me. “I didn’t like that style, this was perfect.”

We got thirty good minutes to just be here alone, with no family or friends. Before Taylor said we had to get pictures. There was a short little mixer time before dinner, so we could be with them. We met Victoria and Richard and got pictures inside with our full wedding party. Then they were kicked out so they could change or whatever, I knew Sierra was, and we got just us. She kept looking at the snow outside, kept longing for those winter pictures.

“I have a silver faux fur coat for you if you really want too.” 

“You wouldn’t mind?” 

“Please, they have the arbor decorated for pictures, as long as we don’t waste a lot of time and that our photographers don’t mind.”

“We don’t, but I am worried about her feet, her shoes aren’t closed like yours and that snow is pretty deep.” 

I just smiled. “Leave that to me.” 

They headed out and once she had the coat on, I just picked her up. Richard was still with us so he quickly grabbed the dress and moved it, then guided me out. She did get some pictures of us walking down, even let the dress back down. But it was cold as hell, so we made very quick pictures, especially when she removed the coat.

We got couples under the arbor and she risked some in the pristine show, quick ones of her alone and of us before we got up.

“You carrying me back too?” 

“Yes, I can’t have your feet cold.” 

“Can you carry me if I was on your back?” 

“Probably, will the dress accommodate that?” 

“Sure.” 

She let me get a few steps down and with some assistance she was able to get on my back without ripping anything. Victoria got more photos back and by then it was time to sit down for dinner. But all of us took a moment to stand over a heat vent.

“Your cheeks are red.” I said.

“They’re cold.” 

We finally got introduced and then had dinner, while we were here eating they were changing the chapel to our reception party area, we’d have both rooms but the chapel would have the DJ and dancing. She and I both utilized napkins so our clothes stayed clean. Dinner was awesome, the cake looked phenomenal and we went ahead with cake after dinner as well. We even did the traditional cake to the face, which I liked the feeling of smashing that piece into her face.

There was another brief break as people went to the party area where the DJ was, we got cleaned up again and then we were introduced again and had that first official dance and then we partied for a while. It was Sierra who brought her the flowers she’d had before and said it was time. So, the single ladies all gathered and she did the flower toss, which Abigail caught and she was in the back!

“Good toss.” 

“You’re turn Zac!” Sierra said.

“I did not have flowers.” 

“No, you have to toss a garter which is under her dress.” 

My father brought the chair for her to sit down in, if they thought this was going to bother me they were stupid. I didn’t even ask which side because it was her right foot she put on my thigh. The silky fabric was just above her knee and easy to get off, I could even feel the snaps, but my toss wasn’t as nice as hers and Andrew caught it. 

“You didn’t seem fazed by that at all.” Sierra said.

“Are you kidding? I got to touch her, I don’t ever mind that.” 

She rolled her eyes and the party continued, but about 11:55 we went back outside, she actually borrowed a pair of shoes from Stella so she could walk. The park was near the back so everyone that didn’t want to come out could see them from inside. They started at 12:00 ringing in the new year.

“I love you Gabriella.” 

“I love you Zachary.” 

She turned and kissed me and I didn’t even realize that Victoria was there to get pictures until we were back inside and she showed them to us. They had turned out remarkable, with the fireworks behind us. Kind of like our first set but better. We kept partying though, well into the morning. Even as guest left, but at 3 am Gabby and I called it quits, we’d have to come back so we could clean up. The remaining guest did snow as our rice substitute, which was nice and would be pretty pictures, but it sure was cold!

It took a few to get her and that dress in the car and then back out at home. But, as tired as I was by that point..getting her out of the dress was really easy. That second garter belt was a nice touch too. Falling asleep next to her sometime that morning was a pleasant feeling and I couldn’t imagine anything better.

 

To see photos from the wedding (venue, dress, etc) please [click here](http://itzthebox.placetohide.net/stories/PetalsofTime/wedding.htm). There were so many that I dedicated a single page for them all. :) 


End file.
